So my mother, she has me, and then she waited. I have siblings that are a lot younger than me. They actually beat me to the punch, they actually have kids now, which is crazy. My sister, I have a niece, my sister has a daughter, and she named my niece, my niece's named Skylar, that's her name, Skylar. I like the name, you know, I didn't like it at first, when I first heard it, because it's kind of, kind of a white name. (audience laughing) It's trending white, I think we can say that, right? It's trending. (audience laughing) But you know what it is, my sister's name is Tashawna. So my mother went that way with it. (audience laughing) So my sister wanted to just take a little of the top, is what she's trying to do, just bring it back a smidge, you know what I mean? (audience laughing) Yeah, I got a sister named Tashawna, another one named Talisha, third one named Taijima. (audience laughing) Yeah. A brother named Toreon, and my youngest brother is named, Victor. (audience laughing) Yeah, it's like they got to Victor, and they were like, "Okay let's cut this out, we made our point. (audience laughing) "Can we cut this out, "I think we made our point, "can we stop it now?" (audience laughing) And I like the name Skylar, I get it. My sister's smart, 'cause Skylar's gonna get older, and try to get a job. They get that resume first, I'm liking her chances, you know? They get that resume, it says Skylar at the top. "Skylar? "Skylar? "Let's bring her in. (audience laughing) "Let's meet her guys, "let's meet Skylar, yeah." All they want is a chance. They get that resume, it says, Lacretia at the top. (audience laughing) "You know Lacretia doesn't sound like "she thinks the customer's always right." (audience laughing) And the crazy thing is, in our country, you can have a child and name it whatever you want. We don't have any rules about that, which I think is crazy. I think in the room where you get the name we need like an alarm system, like a button at a bank that you press. You can alert the authorities that a mistake is in progress. (audience laughing) "Congratulations on your daughter, "what do you wanna name her?" "We'd like to name her, Ginsenga." "Okay, okay, so like Ginseng "with an A at the end, "is that right? "That's a great name, that's a great name. "Just let me get something from under the desk. "Hold on a second." (audience laughing) Push the button right. She gets back to the room, the baby's gone. (audience laughing) "Oh my God, "what have you done with Ginsenga?" (audience laughing) "Oh, you mean Michelle?" (audience laughing) "She's with a family that's gonna love her, "that's where Michelle is." (audience laughing) Now listen, I'm kidding, I know you cannot take people's baby's away, okay? And I'm also not making fun of your name if it's from a different country. I'm talking about every country needs their own set, like I got a buddy named, Chinidu, but he's Nigerian, that's like John where he's from, you know what I'm saying? So I'm not talking about that. But for people that go off the ranch. Think about it, one guy types a name in, that's the name forever. We gotta give this guy the power to say, no. He could change this baby's life. He's the baby's advocate, give him that power. "Congratulations on your daughter. "What would you like to name her?" "Oh we wanted to name her Excitasia." (audience laughing) "Uh, hoo wow, "I'm sorry, what was that?" "Excitasia. (audience laughing) "'Cause we were so excited when she exited, "so yeah, Excitasia." (audience laughing) "No, I'm sorry I can't." (audience laughing) Now she's gonna get upset, right? "Now hold on, hold on, who are you? "You know I can name my daughter "whatever I want to name my daughter. "Let me talk to your manager, "you tellin' everybody what they can name anybody, "a matter of fact big man, what is your name? (audience laughing) "What's your name?" (audience laughing) "Who, me? "I'm Lemonjello. (audience laughing) "My crazy mother loved lemon jello. (audience laughing) "And that's why I work here. (audience laughing) "Gotta save the kids." A little bit about myself. My name's Danny Villalpando. Actual name by birth Dimacio Villalpando. (audience cheers) All right, four people, thank you so much. (audience laughs) That's a tough name to have, isn't it? Dimacia Villalpando, my
whole life, growing up, I wanted to fit in. I just wanted a typical
American name, Gonzalez. (audience laughs) That's right. (audience cheers) Power to the people. Look at this guy back
here, not around here, boy. Not around here. (audience laughs) This was a tough name to have growing up. You know why? The teachers never knew how to say it. And you know your name's difficult when it's coming up in the roll, and then there's that long
dramatic pause from your teacher. You know what I'm talking about? She's calling roll. Okay, Stevens, Stevens is here, Stevens. (audience laughs) Thompson, ready to learn, Thompson! (audience laughs) (audience laughs) Wow, this should be on a test. (laughs) (audience laughs) Demacki Cockio? Is that it? Is that?
(audience laughs) Vill-allapoochy? (audience laughs) I'm sitting up front, laughing, whoo, who's the geek? (audience laughs) I thought my name sucked. (laughs) I can't wait for recess. I'm gonna make him cry. (laughs) Here.
(audience laughs) That's me.
(audience applauds) I guess we should start with the name, huh? That's my name. I grew up named Costaki Economopolous. Yeah. In Georgia. (audience laughs) My first job was on a construction site. So I got a whole lot of, why don't you run them two by fours down there Kawasaki Econo Lodge. (audience laughs) Sweep that house out Suzuki Snuffleupagus. (audience laughs) I've heard them all, man. Kabuki metropolis. Karaoke streptococcus. (audience laughs) Those are all real. Names are weird. I have a buddy who has the same name as someone who snapped and shot a bunch of people at the mall. So, now he has that
association with his name. See, I will never have that problem. If you hear that Costaki Economopolous shot people at the mall, it was me! (audience laughs) It's nice. I get to control that. Here we go my name is Kjell. It's Kjell, it's Norwegian. Spelled K-J-E-L-L. Pronounced Chel. Yeah I know, that's not
even the joke, it's my life and people are like, "ha ha ha ha ha". I'm used to that, I get it. It's a weird name, doesn't make any sense. Norwegian but no one ever gets it right. I understand it's difficult but the names that people come up with blow my mind. I used to wait tables at the
Bubba Gump Shrimp Company at the Mall of America because I'm a winner. And this guy looked up, I'll never forget this he goes,
I had a name tag and my name was spelled out clearly in puffy paint. (clapping and laugher) he goes K-J-E-L-L. Is it couch? That's what he said out loud couch. I'm like yeah my first name is couch. My parents named me couch. How did you know that the J-E-L-L part of the name is totally silent. Yeah he nailed it and it's pronounced ouch too, he just whipped that in
there out of nowhere. The first day of school was always the same annoying ordeal. You guys remember that? When teachers go through roll call and they go through all the normal names? Like what's your name fella? - [Sam] Sam - Sam, right on Sam. S-A-M? - [Sam] Yep - Good for you. Well adjusted healthy individual huh? That's great. Parents loved ya. What's your name fella? - [Jordan] Jordan - Jordan? Jordan, that's pretty. (audience laughs loudly) J-O-R-D-A-N? Yeah good for you Jordan Jash. These are normal names right? So teacher goes through roll call and they go through all the normal names like Sam and Jordan. Every time they got to
my name, I always knew they got to my name because it's the same stupid reaction. It was just like, "Wow this is a stumper, is it uh, is it Kill? Is
there a Kill out there?" That's what a teacher said, Kill. I'm like yeah right here, Kill. Last name is You. Well it's a love affair. Every time at meet and
greets everyone does the same thing. I go hi my name is Kjell. You guys always go oh
Shell like a seashell. And I go no Chel it's like a C-H. And they go oh Shell. And I'm like no that's S-H as in shut up. Learn my name, my whole life is explaining my name, that's it. I have an identical twin brother. Oh yeah there's more
guys so let's buckle up. I heard that oh whoa over
here your like oh, yeah. I have a twin brother. Any twins in the audience?
Applaud if you're a twin here. (loud clapping and shouting) Get out of town Sam. You're a twin? This is nuts. That's bonkers. Are you
serious, you're a twin? - Yeah - [Kjell] Right are you identical,
fraternal? What you got? - Fraternal. - Fraternal so what's his, is it a-- - Max - Okay cause I've asked
this question before. People ask you stupid questions and I was about to ask what's his name. But it's fraternal so it
could have been a girl. And that would have been
a weird question to ask. But it's Max? Right on. So I have a twin brother. His name is Trygve. Yeah. T-R-Y-G-V-E Trygve. My name is Kjell. My parents names John and Jean. (laughter and clapping) It's true, that's true, unbelievable. Let me formally introduce myself. My name is Rahn, but my first
name is spelled different. It's spelled R-A-H-N. Yes, my mother was trippin'. First day of school, my name
was always like a question. (audience laughing) Rahn? Rahn? (sighs) Rahan? Rahan? Dang, these Black kids. Here go my favorite, Rah-ha! Now listen, if you're
running for class president, we gon' need to see
your birth certificate. (audience laughing) That's cause I'm half
Italian, not I-talian. Oh, I can't stand when people say that. How hard is it, are you I-talian? You don't say the letter I then
the rest of the word talian! What the heck's next, hi, I'm S-panish. (audience laughing) I'm P-ortuguese. (audience laughing) I'm C-hinese. (audience laughing) What? What? Sometimes you know someone's Italian, you ever see those three
guys, we've all seen them, every city has one. How ya doin'? (audience laughing) This is Tony, Franky, that's Vinny, sup. That's Italian, come on. I don't mean to stereotype, those names, Tony, Franky, Vin, come on,
I've never seen a mafia movie. Yo, you got my money? Sorry, I don't have it Brendan. (audience laughing) Oh yeah, hey Skyler, go kick his butt. (audience laughing) Skyler in the mafia. Skyler, these names today. I don't even know how to
pronounce people's names anymore. Are you with me on this? Remember the day you saw a name tag, there was one way to say it. Now they got all these wacky variations, you're never right anymore,
they love to correct. Oh, hey Rebecca. Um, no. (audience laughing) My name is not Rebecca
it's Re-boc-co-ca-co-ca. (audience laughing) Hey, I'm an Eric, too. My name is not Eric, it's E-rice. (audience laughing) Ruth, do you believe this? My names not Ruth, it's Ra-tah! Like six Hs and a seven. (audience laughing) Why is there a seven in your name? I can't see these kids growing up to becoming grandparents. With these names, their kids
are gonna go up to them, Grandpa Eclipse? (audience laughing) Where's Grandma Velveeta? (audience laughing) She went to go get her
tramp stamp removed. (audience laughing) (audience applauding) What's a tramp stamp? Oh, Molasses, I'll ya later. (audience laughing) Love my students. They have some weird names,
which can be kind of awkward. Some weird names, parents are
givin' out some weird names. Which is fine, I think that's great, give your kid a weird name. You just can't get mad at
me if I can't pronounce or spell your weird name,
that's all I think, right? A girl got mad at me recently
'cause I misspelled her name on the board for everyone to see, which can be embarrassing,
I understand that. But her name was Rose. I was like, oh I don't, I don't think you can
misspell that word, right? She goes, "Uh, yeah, it's R-O-Z-E." Well, I'm pretty sure your
parents were wrong, right? (audience laughs) Looks like when they had
you, they made two mistakes. (audience laughs) Oh you guys don't do
standing ovations for jokes? Okay.
(audience laughs) Fine. Another kid, his name
was spelled G-A-G-N-O-N, like gaggin' on, like you alright man, what're you gaggin'
on, everything good? This is kind of a weird name, whatever, I call him that all year long
until the end of the year, I heard his girlfriend, she
goes, hey Gagnon, come here. 'Cause it was French. I was like, dude, I've been callin' you
gaggin' on for nine months. (audience laughs) You didn't say anything. He goes, I just kinda thought
you were bein' a jerk. Well.
(audience laughs) I just thought your parents
were weird, I don't know.
