"Southern Food is SO UNHEALTHY..." - Jim Gaffigan Stand up (Obsessed)

you know i always eat the local specialty because i'm a pig i did this big tour of the southern states and i'll tell you something people in the south are nicer they are even when they're rude they're nice in the south they're like y'all can go to hell well thank you you too people in this house are nicer but they're slower right and i don't mean intelligence wise they just move slower it's like hey your house is on fire all i'll do right but first i need to drink me some sweet tea then i'll deal with that pesky house man and i figured it out it's the biscuits and gravy everyone in the south moves like they've just had two helpings like i shouldn't have done so can help me this is a nine-year-old i'm pretending to be i'm misguided and this out there eating biscuits and gravy for breakfast they're not coming home drunk late at night they're waking up and they're like time for cement lunch chicken and wobbles um the south will never rise again because they don't have the energy because most of their dishes involve paper mache they're essentially eating pinatas down there that's why they talk that way because after you eat biscuits and gravy you can't be expected to say you and all good biscuits and gravy um i'm surprised they even say biscuits and gravy and i'll tell you something those biscuits and gravy are amazing i had biscuits and gravy for breakfast for nine days straight i still haven't gone to the bathroom that tour was 27 years ago i love southern food chicken and waffles fried chicken and waffles why what should we serve with the fried chicken french fries no something elegant like a waffle or a gyro or heroine i know it's lunch but i want breakfast and diabetes so i'll have a chicken and waffles and a shake of course you can't talk about southern food without bringing up grits right grits it's like someone was like hey if you love the taste of biscuits and gravy but without the taste of biscuits and gravy then you'll love our man-made wet sand i wanna like grits i do i order them and i'm like are these undercooked or overcooked no wonder you came up with moonshine southerners are always like y'all are eating that wrong you gotta add a pound of cheese and a pound of sugar and 30 candy canes that's what i love about the south they'd even try and hide the fact they're eating unhealthy in a restaurant you're like i guess i'll order the bucket of lard and the salt stick y'all want that deep fried uh uh okay you want us to shoot at you while you eat it is that extra but there's unhealthy eating everywhere i was in arizona and new mexico and there are people eating fried bread there are stands that sell only fried bread and i saw that and i was like i found my people fried bread i eat unhealthy but come on i know what donuts fried bread but at least we don't call it fried bread i mean at what point do you even feel comfortable eating something called fried bread have you ever eaten cake in the shower a couple times you're ready for fried bread every in your car so you don't have to share with your children every day you're ready for fried bread fried bread that is the opposite of a diet right what are the basic elements of a diet it's like all right no fried food no fried food got it you gotta cut out all the bread cut out hey what about fried bread is there some kind of fried bread diet actually the term is fry bread it's not fried bread it's fry bread it's like a command a call to action yarn already fry bread let's get fat and i'm not judging those people they're actually more honest than us because we eat fried bread but we do it in code it's like you want fried bread no i'll have an elephant ear you want fried bread i don't know i'll just have a beignet we're like that guy at the party trying to find weed hey is your friend bud gonna be here tonight you know he hangs out with that guy named herb he's going out with the girl from mexico named marijuana hi thanks for watching hit subscribe if you want if you want to see more stand-up more stand-up or if you want to see an original show like let's get cooking or the mike and pat show that's available on my channel but also just know that i'll be posting a new video every day during this pandemic or until the world ends please hit subscribe and turn on your alert or notification button

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 253,340

Rating: 4.938437 out of 5

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Id: zYZ0O-2g0IE

Length: 5min 59sec (359 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 18 2020