Why Is There So Much Spousal Murder on “Dateline”? - Jim Gaffigan: Quality Time

i do sometimes lie up here i'm not proud of it but sometimes we all have to lie like even when i tell my children not to lie i'm kind of lying to them some people are like you should never lie to a child and those people don't have kids because when you have kids you lie to them all the time you're like you wouldn't like this ice cream it's very spicy i'd share but santa said i can't now why don't you go to sleep so i can wrestle your mom i'm not encouraging lying i'm just saying there are times when you need to right like if you're late to meet someone and you see that they're already angry and you don't have an excuse you you have to lie because if you told that person the truth they would never speak to you again you're gonna be like hey i gotta come clean i just couldn't motivate to get going i mean eventually i could what i'm trying to say is i don't value your time i've identified there are two times when it's socially acceptable to lie to spare someone's feelings it's okay to lie it's also okay to lie to cover up a murder allow me to explain when we discover someone's a murderer we also learn they've done some fibbin but we tend to focus on the murder part you never hear i'm angry he killed that guy but frankly i'm more upset about the lying it's the dishonesty that bothers me some trust has been broken speaking of lying murderers i watch a lot of dateline i don't want to brag some other winners out there if you're unfamiliar or you have a life daylight it's a news magazine show like 60 minutes but at one point dateline just went all in on murder and it's usually spousal murder like if you watch dateline it appears most marriages end in murder every episode starts the same they had the perfect marriage but you know someone's getting killed a husband a wife sometimes they'll get someone else to kill their spouse what seems impersonal it's like you took a vow do it yourself anyway i was watching this one episode of dayline about this guy who murdered his wife it was gruesome i was watching with my wife on our anniversary my wife didn't care i mean she wasn't thrilled i was taking notes what are you writing down this guy's just sloppy it's like he's trying to get caught if anything this guy's plan was foolproof what he did on his anniversary is he threw a party for him and his wife and they invited all their friends so they could see how happy they were and then the next morning he took his wife fishing he rented a boat he brought a cooler some tackle three concrete blocks and a tarp you know for fishing and he would have gotten away with the whole thing but three months after his wife disappeared at sea he got engaged to a stripper which is kind of suspicious and to celebrate their engagement they dropped acid as tradition would have and while tripping on acid he admitted the whole thing to his fiancee and she turned him in because she didn't appreciate the dishonesty and as the episode ended all i could think is i'm a terrific husband i've never even thought of murdering my wife well i've never made plans to murder well i don't own concrete blocks i can see some of you were like jim i don't like the murder jokes i don't like them but wouldn't it be great if in a week you learned i was a murderer because then you could brag you could be like oh my gosh we were at the taping for a special and he had all these jokes on murder were they good not really no he was better at murder than comedy if you know me i would do anything for my wife and that's part of my alibi you

Channel: Comedy Central Stand-Up

Views: 627,040

Rating: 4.9184813 out of 5

Keywords: Jim Gaffigan, Jim Gaffigan comedian, Jim Gaffigan stand up, stand up, stand up comedy, comedy central stand up, comedy, comedians, Jim Gaffigan special, Jim Gaffigan: Quality Time, Quality Time, lie, lies, lying, children, kids, ice cream, late, excuse, murder, murderer, trust, dateline, marriage, wife, spouse, anniversary, fishing, husband, funny video, comedy videos, jokes, funny jokes, funny clips, laugh, humor, best comedy, best stand up

Id: OlaJK3EL34M

Length: 5min 2sec (302 seconds)

Published: Sun Dec 13 2020