"Asian American" - Jim Gaffigan Stand up (NEW MATERIAL Full Set)

[Music] coming Exodia soft like Bucanero cydia yoga your opener Banaras Anita in sesame on your own Jim Gaffigan [Applause] thank you thank you I'm coming down thank you so much it is thank you it is so great to be here in Seoul in Korea back where I grew up it's so good to see familiar faces I don't know if you can tell by looking at me but I am not Korean I'm not even half asian I know I'm not Asian cuz when I go in restaurants they just bring me a fork I don't even have to ask for that guy fork I've been on tour through Asia for two weeks I went to nine cities and six countries it's been amazing and I've loved every moment of it even walking around Tiananmen Square and seeing all the Chinese look at me like I was a circus animal what is that I too am human really kind of kind of I've loved Asia I wish I was Asian but I can't get in that kind of shape look at me I don't know how you Asians do it it doesn't make sense what if we only ate rice and never gained weight let's do that that probably sounds racist because well looking like this everything sounds racist you know it comes with the skin complexion I've loved Asia I it's been amazing and I've made a point of of being adventurous and kind of going away from some of the judge not you know seeing the tourist spots but also going other places like you know there's been many moments when I've been exploring around Asia and I've been like the only white person I would see for like an hour and then I stumble upon and I'd see a white guy and I'd be like sometimes like if I saw a white guy I'd kind of like just de startle there might be like foreigner leave my country that's a cute thing but I love it I love it it's just so fun like in Taiwan I had a friend I went to college with she was born in Taiwan so she met me there and we went on a tour and we went we had a tour guide who is from Taiwan and we went outside of Taipei to like an area that was a former gold mine that was just where where Taiwanese people would go and there were and I was walking along with my friend and and the tour guide I was are following the two Asian women and eventually I was following two other asian women I wish I could say it only happened once but it happened a couple times and I couldn't really say anything I couldn't be like my friend was like why do we keep losing you I couldn't be like Cuzzi you look like everyone here I had to be like yeah I saw you know like there's all these kiosks with exactly the same crap well I wanted to go into one and look at their crap I've loved it but I love I've been in Korea for a day so I've got to figure it out got it summed up I've been eating you guys love to eat which is like a we on that tour yesterday and every everything we went to and we were eating the tour guy would be like this is just a snack this see we just Koreans we just eat this as a snack I'm like I like this country cuz it was like maybe 30 places this is just a snack I'm like is this how this guy gets fed just on these tours had so much kimchi I love Kim I have a complex relationship with kimchi at night I'm like yay Kim G in the morning I'm like blue kimchi I don't like kimchi anymore last night I had a Korean barbecue as you guys call it barbecue different from American barbecue less racism but the Korean barbecue it's also southern grand barbecue very similar to America's southern barbecue probably not a lot of barbecue in North Korea no meat or fire yeah I could say that joke because I'm North Korea and I loved it I always try and sample the local food when I visit all these different countries in Taiwan I had a tea egg which is essentially a hard-boiled egg that's cooked and tea and now that that might sound gross but it was it was very gross but it was the best alternative I was with my friend she was like you couldn't either have the tea egg or you can have a thousand-year-old egg and I was like well I can think of like a thousand reasons not to have the thousand-year egg so I started eating the tea egg a bit in and the yolk was green and it wasn't st. Patrick's Day or anything and I was like is this you know cuz you know like some food when it turns green no that's concerning that's when you usually stop I looked around everyone was continuing to eat their Teac and I was like you know at Taiwan they got good medical here so I ate it but I love Taiwan very complex every Asian country obviously very complex and unique but like there's there's mysteries in all of them right you know like in Taiwan you know there are Chinese people but they it's the country it's called the Republic of China but it's not China and they get angry there this isn't China or Taiwan and were Chinese like okay okay okay that sounds good Taiwan I had a soup dumpling for the first time now and I heard that they're like we're gonna get soup dumpling and I'm like great all right thought there was like soup with dumplings in it nope it's a dumpling with soup in it cuz you know who I think we're all we're tired with eating soup a normal way right it's like well how exhausting was that soup dumpling which I don't know who that's for you know it's like deal like dumplings and also burning your mouth cuz then you're gonna love our soup dumpling I don't even think that was the initial idea like that was I think the person was given a different assignment and like the boss came back and he was like I did I put all the soup and the dumplings if your dad didn't own this company that's not what I asked for okay then you're not gonna like the cottage cheese in the water balloon either no I don't think so right somebody probably the most disgusting food item I've dried in Asia is the stinky tofu which is you know sure you know it's not for everyone it's like you have to really like tofu and enjoy the smell of a public restroom first of all calling it stinky tofu is like probably the biggest undersell I've ever seen that's not stinky that is like it's not stinky doesn't make you gag I don't know and they're like it's like fry tofu I'm like fried and what diarrhea I am Jim that's disgusting that is truly disgusting but it's fun seeing the different cultures the different reactions to things yeah did a show in Japan I know Koreans you guys are good friends with Japan Japan is interesting because they're very polite and they're very organized and and efficient but I feel like some of that a lot of that Japanese culture is just constructed so that they don't have to really interact with white people like so much of their culture it's like even like paying with a credit card they're like you know put it in the put it in the tray all right I don't want to accidentally touch your white skin you know I just put it down there you ape or whatever you are getting a taxi in Japan you will open the door alright you don't have to put your grimy barbarian hand on my car I'll open it get in try not to breathe alright even the taxi drivers in Tokyo are wearing gloves though you never know when a Westerners gonna reach over want to shake hands gotta be careful Japanese very efficient sometimes that efficiency in Japan goes away like it goes too far you know like like the the Japanese that a lot of soup variety in Japan the soup variety you can either have miso soup or no soup that's like you want some miso soup do you have any other ship we got a larger bowl of miso soup that is just a commitment to miso soup I love how it's delivered to the table it's like covered with another bowl like yeah and then it's like it's a big reveal like you're not gonna believe what's in what soup this is it's it's the only soup we have me miso soup miso sure is why there's only one soup yeah there's some unifying things that I've observed about all Asian countries have been to you know like for instance any item is appropriate for breakfast in Asia good morning you know what's for breakfast anything you ate last night now it's all on the table what rice pancakes popcorn lollipops whatever you want all for breakfast but that's you know it's fascinating still getting used to beans or a dessert item kind of new to that like here's a bun you can get a dessert pundits you're gonna get one filled with chocolate or one with beans who's picking beans it's like did you run out of chocolate you know it's like so this one's all chocolate we're out of chocolate so we fill it with beans will people be angry and of course the beans are delicious it is delicious here in Seoul I got the the the pancake kind of bun that's shaped like the poop emoji that's that's some Korean technology there and the poop emoji and in it's filled with chocolate or beans again you know like the poop emoji pancake filled with beans so many layers of no right it's like yeah okay I guess I'll go for the poop emoji filled with beans cuz I just never want to have a girlfriend I don't know what is going on are you wearing a diaper what is still getting used to the the Asian concept of space it's a little different you know like if I'm standing here in Asia everyone's standing like hey how you doing did we date before can you can you put on a condom I don't even love my wife stand this close there's an apparent shortage of napkins in all of Asia there is it's just a cultural difference you asked for napkins in Asia and they're like so suspicious they're like it's like you asked for their pin code to their credit card or someone 4804 I don't know wipe my mouth but that's just the Asians are better at eating you know Westerners were just all shootin miss my mouth again whereas Asians are like I could do it with two sticks better than you you guys have a fork and you miss bill [Music] still some debate whether a napkin is at issue in Asia - right have you noticed that you're like sit down at a restaurant they give you a box of tissues or I don't know I I don't have a cold I was in Beijing sat down in a restaurant and I look to the right there was a roll of toilet paper how bad is the food here you know you're gonna need this you're gonna need it right here at the table ironically when in the bathroom no toilet paper [Applause] different ancient cultures different strengths right yeah you know Korea and Thailand amazing food Japanese Japanese toilet masterpiece masterpiece i don't know if i need the heated seat you know i don't you know you know what's comfortable feeling like your butt has the flu Japanese toilet masterpiece Chinese toilet not there yet some places not there at all like there's doing things differently and then just going and we're not gonna have a toilet where we're gonna go no toilet sometimes there's a urinal but not a toilet you're like what didn't it show up or something we're still waiting on those toilets just open up I did a show in Beijing the day of the show got an email they're like hey just wanted to give you a heads up there's no toilet at the venue and I was like is this an outdoor show and it was a beautiful theater who's like this theater is beautiful theater no toilet felt like a design flaw like the architect they're like hey before you open up the theater I just I forgot shoot I know I forgot they were very polite at the venue they're like if you really have to go you there's a hospital nearby talk about an emergency room it's weird you know of the squat toilet that's what it's called squat toilet which is like no toilet it's like even calling it a toilet is dishonest it's just a hole right that's where my adventurous I love cultures stops like the whole toilet I'm like I'm out I'm out you know I mean you know and that was like in Beijing and I was like you know what I'll wait I'll wait till I get to Hong Kong yeah I'm just gonna I don't first of all I don't know if I can physically do that I don't know if I can do that I can't do that name that's for sure you know I mean it was just like it was too much and then you know but I've encountered that in other travels in Istanbul I encountered the whole toilet and my whole I don't mean an entire toilet I mean like a whole and there was in Istanbul there was the whole and then there were two huge footprints I don't know why the footprints were there maybe let's stop people from fishing I don't know I don't know why the footprints were there you're like wow this is where a Bigfoot went poop I don't know it was very confusing I'd been to Beijing before the last time I was in Beijing there was a small galoot serve one was wearing the mass you know a lot of Surgeons here and you know there was the mass you know you'll see you'll see mass for different reasons you're like in in different countries you only can China they wear the masks because there's all the pollution in Korea there were the mass because of the Chinese pollution and Japan they wear the masks because they're crazy I uh but like there was this there wasn't it there was no smuggler at this time but last time I was there there was a smuggler and everyone a Beijing was very nice they're like sorry about the weather I'm like I don't think it's the weather I don't think the weather is turning the Sun purple I'm just gonna go out on a limb there so many different countries have palaces I went to the palace here and Seoul was beautiful there's different types of palaces you know like there's a bunch of them in Thailand there's a lot of palaces in China though Beijing that's like the ultimate palace because it's the Forbidden City it's like that Emperor was like you know what how about a palace and a city like that's like how do you justify that you know like I love my subjects but I gotta need my own City something where people can't go in there I just so I went to the Forbidden City and then I went across town to the Summer Palace after the Forbidden City how do you justify the Summer Palace was the Emperor like you know this is Forbidden City is cool but what about summer and they're like a boat where you have the whole city we could do something yeah yeah yeah summer they were like well you know would you want us to you I guess we could we could build you another path if you want to and if you're on forehead yeah yeah well what would you want you would you want it on the coast or something he said no no just there just put it over there where I could walk to it I'd prefer to walk to my palace did his shovel in Bangkok went to Thailand that was amazing Thailand fascinating got to see a five-year-old riding a motorcycle Thailand the food amazing like amazing such variety and so many different types of amazing dishes but after like a day or two I was like hey you know how about one last peanut sauce and some infrastructure how about that how about we just throw up a couple traffic lights you know I mean think of it as the pad thai of Transportation did a show in Singapore Singapore gums illegal their gums illegal in Singapore finally someone taken a stance on that dangerous gum gum illegal no can't do it dumb you know money laundering tax evasion it's okay yeah as long as you're not chewing gum yeah you're like a chew come and steal money from poor people are you singapore of course three unique different types of people together you know there's the malay there's the indian and there's the chinese people with all the money and they're all combined together with a common goal of pretending to understand English it was interesting because you know also I don't expect anyone in Asia to speak English or understand English but if you don't speak English you don't have to act like you do there's different there's different approaches Dilek in Singapore they would not like they completely understood what you were saying and then they would just walk away Korea a different experience right in Korea people will they'd act like it was a stupid question but you're our tour guide Japan people would they would answer your they would answer the they give an answer to a different question you'd be like wow what time do you open they'd be like three blocks and I'm so dumb like he says that the answer wait did I ask a different question am I still jet-lagged what's going on I love performing in Asia didn't do a show in Mongolia that's a disappointment those Mongolians say they really slacked off right such a force for like thousands of years is such a threat as Mongolians are coming the Mongolians are coming up build a wall build a wall the Mongolians are coming now they're like you know we like horses I just I like to ride horses such a cultural shift you know Genghis Khan is coming he's gonna conquer the world another like you know I want to open a buffet you know that's what I'm into it's such a different generation doing shows a lot of audience members expats in these days and countries and expats I want to thank them for coming out and of course I didn't know this expat is short for weirdo who is kicked out of their normal country for criminal activities and couldn't go to Singapore cos they chew gum alright thank you so much thank you for real [Applause] I've had so much fun here I really appreciate you coming out thank you so much [Music] Wow that was amazing I feel like we really connected I think you're ready to move the relationship to subscribe the button wasn't down there subscribe just do it yeah

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 1,040,609

Rating: 4.8250957 out of 5

Keywords: jim gaffigan, asian americans, jim gaffigan standup, unreleased standup, jim gaffigan full set, brand new, pale tourist, traveling abroad, worldwide stand up, funny traveler, Best Stand up, Should be on Neflix, full special

Id: BpkauJM2u6s

Length: 26min 36sec (1596 seconds)

Published: Wed Jun 10 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/iamgarron]

Just for context, this was all from his last show on the tour in South Korea. I was a part of the tour, and know a lot of the other comics who were. He literally walks around for a day, then hangs out with some of the openers before the show just asking us questions about stuff he saw. Then turned them into bits almost immediately. The "lack of napkins" bit he does in the middle of this set, he was talking to me about before the show, and used it as his second bit. Pretty much everything he did in the video he started writing a few weeks before up until the day before.

Just a fucking pro.

[u/Jules8432]

Napkin bit reminded me of Ronnie’s last special