r/Technicallythetruth | ZOOM ZOOM ZOOM

faster papa faster okay sweet pea ah this is the best day i'm gonna remember this for the rest of my life later it turned out the people in the comic were just pictures without any past or any future less than dead they never were oh that's a bit dark we need to lighten this up quick bring out an epic deer fact epic deer fact number 47 when a deer is injured it cannot go to the hospital for treatment this is because they do not have health and shifts [Music] hello good day good afternoon you glorious gaping human being my name is the jack that snack that you throw into your backpack thanks to your mama's good loving and kisses so you can eat me at lunch because after all this is mk a quintessential nutrient for all people growing unless you're over the age of 25 where your cells have actually stopped developing and now they're slowly withering away and therefore you were growing old you aren't going to grow anymore now your body is withering away at this point that's a scientific fact in which case mk is a great distraction from the reality that is your ending life anyway welcome to technically the truth we're going to have some fun today so uh sit back relax and enjoy you saw buttiful sexy an excellent display in english vocabulary sir an attempt was made yes send photo oh i'll give you more than that bunny i'll give you an entire dessert a joke shot you sand is my king condoms aren't biodegradable if you care about the planet have unprotected kinky times well one condom is much less waste than the amount of waste a baby produces very very true a baby is biodegradable very very true hello police job interviews in 2021 can you tell me a bit about your background uh sure it's mount kilimanjaro i appreciate it because it really represents me as a man oh in what way well i really really hate people named jaro i think i like boys and girls i'm proud of you no matter what kid ah bye son anyone else notice how creepy it is just looking at the noses and mouths of bison and cows just just zoom in can we just zoom in to their faces look how devilish they look when i say the other day it could be any time between yesterday and my birth okay yes yes that yes but also no this is why no one understands you cull do not use blade to open don't tell me what to do this statue of nikola tesla in silicon valley radiates free wifi in memory of his dream to provide free power to the whole world wow imagine what he could do if he was born today um probably not much he'd be a toddler yeah well considering how many child prodigies there are in this world these days and on instagram i'm sure he could build the wi-fi 3.0 or something don't doubt a child's potential you butthead the manager at our local ikea is retiring so i sent him this cake ha ha you're an a-hole out of curiosity i contacted a smexy chef to tell me about whether or not this stuff verifies there's enough ingredients for a cake and i have to say oh my gosh i didn't realize how much butter and sugar goes into cakes i feel extremely self-conscious whenever i eat cake now my dog is a hero companion worker circle because he is round see never doubt the potential of a child they see the world in ways that we cannot it's just unfortunate that they see it wrong this is the hottest summer of my life this is the coldest summer of the rest of your life yes i am aware of climate change thank you very much stop reminding me of things i cannot fix well if you just do your part just things i cannot fix on my own so i'm just not gonna bother with it the matrix is the best movie about computers doing karate compared to what other movies of computers doing karate exactly i would like a top three please come on sam it's just three three is all i need blind date huh i'm a big country fan me trying to impress her china is very large this turned out way different than i thought i i genuinely thought for a second there were two blind people going on a date well done technically the truth you've managed to usurp my expectations what's shorter than a cowboy a cow that's a freaking horse how do you know that oh what just because of the shape and the slimness of the horse stop body shaming cows gosh i'm sick of these unrealistic standards we put on women i mean cows i mean oh wait oh no jack's the sexiest if you hold a crab up to your ear you can hear what it's like to be attacked by a crab you're really complacent with your life oh it was a personal attack ddr ram also ddr ram and technically both can fit inside a computer you just gotta really shove it in there won't exactly be alive by the time you've done it but it'll be in there words of knowledge from ash philosophers literally only want one thing and it's freaking disgusting ah i get this i get this joke did you know the chinese philosopher laozi who lived to 69 years old never said the words thank you in his entire life this is because he did not speak shut up no it doesn't matter whether you're ugly or beautiful at the end of the day it's evening i guess it makes sense i mean when it's evening it's pitch black and you can't see anyway and that's all that matters hey all right is his last name doogie dugway or douche gosh imagine introducing yourself hello ladies and gentlemen my name is mr douche cuttlefish not fish starfish not fish jellyfish not fish silverfish not fish shellfish not fish seahorse fish look considering the existence of the butterfly i'm sure we can understand why this is a thing the english language making no sense this guy on my flight just told his girlfriend he wouldn't date her if she became a worm and she is crying personally if i saw that my girlfriend the next morning was suddenly a worm next to me in bed my first reaction wouldn't be oh babe i still love you it would be more in the terms of how high are they to be having this conversation well around 36 000 feet probably why the french rarely say i love you well why is it because they speak flat ask reddit after kinky times she asks what are we how do you reply fricked i see what he did there he's both ill-prepared and uncomfortable with maturing into a monogamous relationship and he just fornicated gosh sorry i just felt like replicating how your parents or an uncle would react to this image if they saw it over your shoulder when you're watching this video ground breaking inventions oh damn these tools really kill it don't they literally you could kill with these i'm not saying you should i'm just saying you can half of these can even help you hide the body too it's like first a win-win pretty sure the whole groundbreaking aspect was as coincidental as the guy who discovered milk well that's not what i was here for but i'll take it you can legally kill uninvited guests on your property in texas but they don't want you to get an abortion which is weird because they're kind of the same thing in a way i can see using the term uninvited guests to be a great way to encourage the use of condoms but again babies are biodegradable so i mean how much do you care about the planet if you say oh whatever that word is juice ah can't hm i'm not sure what word it is off backwards it still says frick off but in an irish accent oh that's so cool i'd love to attempt it but i'll leave that up to you thanks to youtube for ruining the fun how the hell did azula survive without a helmet boomerangs were invented and are able to break kangaroo's necks see azula isn't a kangaroo she's not what the what was the point of all this fan art i made mk fan out of azula as a kangaroo now please thank you fans please i want this lamps and video games are using real electricity no stop it stop with the reality breaking stuff i don't like it well i could never end the show to anyone i'm freaking robert downey jr you could lend it to your wife no i can't well we've lost connection over the last few months it's it's been really hard um you're telling me this stuff doesn't look fake as frick rumor has it that neil armstrong and buzz lightyear agreed to fake the moon landing but to make the footage look as authentic as possible they urged nasa to film it on location and nasa agreed ah so true king oh gosh oh i love you i need space i love you i need more space i love ah cat vaccine you i want a freaking married woman what should i do get married freak your wife it's it's rather simple buddy you ever heard of beyonce yeah just you know put a ring on it it's really simple don't worry about the dance you don't need to do the dance that's just an added bonus i told my daughter to grab her mask so we can go to the store this was the mask she grabbed i mean it's protective gear she's got her baby yoda she's good to go i don't see the problem i just worry it makes me look middle-aged oh don't worry janiece you look gorgeous your husband's gonna love you walking down the aisle like this what's considered trashy if you're poor but classy if you're rich getting money from the government here's some traffic lights also here's the moon why is that sign even there is there a place called moon if so i think the planetary object of the moon should sue that is clearly copyright claim right there planet deaths has country music as you can see the science is clear any planet that has a country with music in it must be exterminated and dealt with they're killing us all them damn funky tunes making us dance and exert our energy till we a full flattened eye name this plant please um well uh judging by the leaf and the floral patterns i'm gonna call it uh george i guess i got what i asked for this is the human body when you look at the nervous system oh he looks nervous your body has run out of magnesium oh my god he hate this i hate this it's always the stupid one the really stupid ones that break me which either really reflects on my own character or just shows how easy i am and either one of those options i'm not exactly comfortable with people considering me as i'm a genie i offer you three wishes make it four granted you have three left outstanding move one pack a day for 20 years versus healthy lungs oh my gosh they are both dead this ai can teleport real and fake paintings well i mean every painting is a real painting if you paint it ah so that's how you get by in the black market what smells good but tastes bad perfume now this isn't entirely true i do know for a fact that lynx does actually flavor their deodorant if you spray some lynx deodorant in your mouth you can actually taste the flavors go on try it i'm sure some of you have some links around just go on go on and try it a pigeon with the head of a horse and the body of a horse thought it was a horse at first but then i read it and felt foolish what i it that's the joke is that not the joke that it's i'm so i'm confused help me it's a new day in america yes thank you that is my perfect joe biden impression joe biden is not my president uh are you a trump supporter no i am from india ask reddit which reddit communities are nice and welcoming don't know why you needed to make a post about it but here you go man what is a person from london called oh well my neighbor is from london and he is called rob yes you deserve zero percent votes but i'll give you two thumbs up the coins in a pocket of a world war one soldier managed to stop a bullet oh god what's that noise is that a is that a dad coming oh god i'll run for cover you might say it was his life savings well speaking of dad my maid needs a website designing it told him 500 pounds i've sent him your number what how big is the website uh normal screen size yep thanks thanks dad great clarification we got an s and e a t t e is it settles already on the board the letter s is it's settled then just a simple cannon thing that goes boom cannon an event that occurs within a published story they both destroy ships though did you just before sleeping stick a fork in an outlet the results will shock you click here no no this is not what you should do if you're gonna stick a fork into any kind of outlet it should be mine stick a fork into my outlet before sleeping the results will shock you sodium nah highly reactive explodes in contact with water chlorine poisonous and deadly gas cool with our powers combined we are sodium chloride preservatives at any given moment there is a shark behind you it might be a thousand miles away but there is a shark behind you and that shark is totally behind you it is supporting you in whatever you do and wants you to succeed you got this little buddy after all the flesh is more tender when you're confident why does your sword have those things in the middle of the blade it's called a stabicus it helps me with math problems what kind of math do you do with a sword long division geez that that is some very long division i love that takeout means food dating and murder take him out you got it boss all right let's do this punk what do you want i got seafood we can go to the nachos or what do you want you some his rum which do macca's run if you want i haven't dated much since the end of this pandemic so i'm kind of nervous you know if you are praying mantis it can be all three at once thank you for the daily reminder that i am so thankful i haven't been reincarnated as a praying mantis it's not really my cup of tea in terms of giving head so you're not a terminator anymore negative i'm retired now i kill bugs i am exterminator me can i give your dog a pet him sure me place a slightly smaller dog next to his dog thanks oh if you cannot tell i am french i am wearing blacks i have a cigarette and i wear a bullet also i am being voiced very terribly by someone without my actual authentic accent and over the money or i'll explain the absurdity of all human activity oh an existential threat when you order 12 things at once on amazon but only get one shipping notification oh yeah it's all coming together breaking john mcnugget founder of the mcdonald's antivirus was found dead in his cell in a spanish jail his lawyer confirmed to abc news looks like his free trial has expired a man is dead he should have made sure to renew his license blow my mind hmm if you water water it grows uh it's a weird way to do subtitles for the formula one race ask reddit when was the last time you said why god why when i read the title of this thread i see what you did there you read a thread titled yeah that's i mean that's yep if you think your life is complicated think of emmanuel macron the current president of france he's 41 years of age his first stepson is 44 years old his second stepson is 42 years old his wife is 66 years technically he's the last born in his own family wow that's i mean look hey some people are into milfs i dig it i respect that i respect the pursuit do you ever think she like mistakes him for one of her own sons sometimes i want a therapist to deconstruct this for me please alright my pistachios it's time for some fan art and today's work we'll be highlighting is by comfortable mud 8934 hello mod i hope you're comfortable today they're posting a doodle of schmancy mk until they're in a video or forget day one what oh right this is day one of you posting a doodle of mk until we actually highlight it excellent well congratulations you may now stop cease all activity because we are acknowledging you and here they are a very dapper mk i do say oh he's actually saying something here we go gotta put on my most dapper of voices it's merely the way we do things there it is very dapper thank you for your beautiful artwork comfortable pile of wet ground we love to highlight your fan art so always make sure you post your beautiful work into the mk subreddit if you'd like heck if you got the time still why not check out some more videos on this channel if you don't love me then i'm sure you'll love robin or lexi where like a little colorful tasting palette of different choices of narrators anyway that is the end of this video my name has been jack you have been a lovely person to ramble at today and i look forward to doing it again soon have a good one bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 490,519

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, Technicallythetruth

Id: JCPsiy0BAfA

Length: 17min 49sec (1069 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 31 2021