r/Me_irl | mouse machine broke

doctor you have one minute to live me starts planking what are you doing making this minute feel like a lifetime [Music] how's it going ladies and gentlemen welcome back to mk i'm your host robin and today we're going to be taking a look at r me irl i've got nothing clever to say so without much further ado let's get right to it shall we ryan burton's senior quote is dang ryan just stole my girl again every guy right ryan right what a week huh captain it's wednesday i think we've all been feeling this the entirety of 2020. it's officially that wear a sweater in the morning regret it in the afternoon type of weather oh god i live in colorado don't get me started on that type of weather man oh my god john i'm driving with do not disturb while driving turned on i'll see your message when i get where i'm going i'm not receiving notifications if this is urgent reply urgent to send a notification through with your original message urgent how's everyone holding up gently as not to disturb it libby you're a national goddamn treasure may i interrupt your scrolling with a turtle duck you may and i'm glad you did i regret naming myself trump i thought nobody would vote trump modern problems require modern solutions i'm willing to bet the man himself didn't expect anybody to vote for him either name a more toxic community i'll wait well that's unfair i can't name anything else at all they haven't contacted us yet i really hope they ban tiktok the only people i want spying on everything i do are google facebook twitter instagram the government apple amazon every website my fitbit every app femboy capitalists be like pull yourself up by the thigh highs read a biology textbook okay gender is not the same as sex biological sex refers to the anatomical and physiological phenotype gender is a category assigned by the individual based off behavior and cultural practices one's gender need not coincide with one's biological sex no you can't use a modern textbook you're never gonna win with someone that keeps moving the goal post you just gotta shake your head walk away and forget that dip that exists remember kids mk says trans rights people who need text and image people who only need text i i i don't like this one learned a very relatable term today revenge bedtime procrastination a phenomenon in which people who don't have much control over their daytime life refuse to sleep early in order to regain some sense of freedom during the late hours and the fact that we have to do that says that there's something really fracked up about our society we shouldn't have to spend this much of our lives not really living i hate it when my teacher asks a question in online class and nobody answers like come on guys i'm not going to answer it either but really guys why are you doing this oh i identify so hard she said she belonged to the streets i said baby i am the streets i'm really really happy that that design has not spread to full body tattoos yet soup was invented in 1927 by john soup when he wanted to drink a chicken getting a song stuck in your head wouldn't be so bad if it was the full song instead of 10 seconds on loop yeah what the hell's the deal with that your son my son [Laughter] me finally gets eight hours of sleep my neck yeah but you did it wrong lol starbucks unveils a seven dollar wake-up slap my favorite part of this image is how professionally she is delivering that slap well you gotta be able to do your job and do it well and she is doing it like a veteran mom did you do what i asked you to do my sibling and i uh hold on hold on uh no no we didn't even think about it shortest month and you select me this will not be forgotten peter i think it's been forgotten man why does this german news show look like a god-tier strat post why wouldn't it really ask yourself the right questions wanna feel old this is sub-zero and scorpion that didn't make me feel anything the four covid personality types spotted at the local grocery store believes in science denies science doesn't understand science believes in magic no the two on the bottom are literally the same as the guy in the top right they're just wearing the mask like that so that it will make people shut up 1960s a mother used a trash can to contain her baby while she crocheted in the park well as long as the trash can was empty no i'm just kidding that baby probably caught some kind of disease from that trash bin these are the types of things that were socially okay back then that the boomer generation would have us believe were normal and fine and we should be able to keep doing them they just got pissed off we told them to stop putting their babies and i don't know why but i think it has to do with whether or not you're right or left-handed and as i've mentioned before left-handed people aren't real so of course it's gonna feel weird at my daughter's school it's medieval day everyone else wore disney princess dresses or homemade night costumes this kid marches to his own drum hashtag plague doctor respect and it's probably the best looking costume at his entire school once you've read the dictionary every other book you read is just a remix that may be the case but i'm not gonna read the goddamn dictionary excellent prose but the plot line all over the place sad reality oh no no not one of the oh well color me surprised once i became a parent i finally understood the scene where yoda gets so tired of answering luke's questions he just dies is that why he died though i know we don't really know what species he is but he said he was what 900 years old i bet he was pretty tired because of that and yes i'm very fun at parties when i'm invited teacher anyone have any questions students no all right go ahead and get started students one minute later if you're a teacher and you genuinely don't understand why this is happening maybe you shouldn't be a teacher i'm just saying teacher chris could you come solve this problem me oh we got a problem that's right me teacher oh god i got money on teacher over there that dude's probably seen some crap more more the girl you like her father her brother her ex her crush you i've got nothing here i'm very confused how 2020 started hey it's me pandora welcome to my new unboxing video i love it when facebook creeps into reddit instead of texting on my way i'm just going to start sending these on my way to see bay versus heading home from bay's house are you okay man no offense to myself or whatever but what the hell am i actually doing i have to ask myself that every day i have no clue you just gotta roll with the punches man when you eat an ice cream and start nibbling wooden stick what you become a canadian is it a universal thing to brush your teeth an hour before the dentist to try and hide the prior six months of neglect oh absolutely the dentists are scary and we think that doing that an hour before our appointment will somehow trick the guy with years and years and years of training and experience they ain't stupid they're gonna find it it's gonna be embarrassingly fast and it's not gonna be pleasant so you may as well sit back relax keep your mouth open and shut up if you think boys discuss girls or any other naughty stuff when they meet you're wrong all they talk about is career choices politics corruption and their miserable routine boy talk is boring as hell bye boys never before have i been so offended by something i 100 agree with your sad alcoholic name equals your first name plus your last name oh yeah i guess i am an alcoholic huh my tinder profile says i love mountains not i love hiking distinct but subtle difference let's sit on the lawn of a cute bnb in vermont and drink sangria while admiring the peaks but not climb them i repeat we do not climb them i make transactions for a multi-billion dollar company i work at mcdonald's the egyptian mao is probably the oldest breed of cat in fact the breed is so ancient that its name is the egyptian word for cat did they name it mao because that's the sound cats make now i'm just imagining a very early egyptian encountering a wild cat for the first time human what the heck are you cat human oh okay then so the dolphin asked her to marry him and she kisses the other guy right in front of her wow wow that's low dude when you hold down the a button too soon on mario kart you gotta wait until just after the two otherwise luigi uses his magical powers to burn you to death when your girlfriend tells you to take off your buzz lightyear crocs during sex don't ask me to stop being a man look the crocs always stay on will to live i've got the will to live hey it's gone well you can't expect it to hang around all day can you remember when a lemur singing i like to move it was the funniest thing you'd ever seen in your entire life i genuinely don't remember that being the funniest thing i've ever seen let me come on it was never that goddamn funny rich people are so easily convinced about ghosts i remember growing up it was near this vacant lot and whenever i broke a toy instead of going to face the wrath of my mother i would freaking bury it in that lot and then sure enough some dude tried to develop the land and found a ton of buried rotten dolls and and told everyone it was haunted it's been over a decade and that lot is still vacant you single-handedly tank the value of someone's prime real estate and that makes me happy as soon as i read this i immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and i was five posts down my dash before i realized i was becoming a scooby-doo villain me when i see a cop just don't act suspicious and i'll be fine the cop good morning me i do not kill people that is my least favorite thing to do you are the reason i am named kfc one die kfc what's your name john oh well yep there it goes sorry about that i'm gonna have to ask you again in about 30 seconds titanic replica could set sail by 2022 following original route should survive this time considering we've melted all the icebergs oh that's cold man or a little warmer i guess you can now buy a bell delphine bathwater cooled pc say what you will about this woman she's probably made millions of dollars off of these stupidest people on the internet bravo everybody give her a round of applause right now people who say go big or go home seriously underestimate my willingness to go home like it's literally my only goal for most of the day yeah i kind of like home and i kinda don't like here so i'm gonna go home i think cartman said it best when he said screw you guys i'm going home how to haunt no haunting for beginners no don't be too hard on yourself you might already be doing better than you think hey i'm not coming into work today why i freaking hate this job understandable enjoy the rest of your day can you imagine having a manager like that where you can say that to them and they're just you know what totally fine man i'll see you tomorrow why isn't my mouse working cause it's a goddamn hamster no because it's not plugged in properly you know what you need to do now hiring a girlfriend full-time please love me i mean i could give it a go how much does it pay ancient greek astrologers be like ah yes a goat yeah i can see it do you care if i take the skin off of the furby i want to make him a god once he is free of his sinful flesh he can begin the path towards enlightenment he will take care of us also i want to soft hack his circuits i literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again do you want to boost your funeral hire me the professional mourner to come and cry at the funeral below are the summer special prices number one normal crying fifty dollars number two bahamian hollering one hundred dollars number three crying and rolling on the ground a hundred and fifty dollars four crying and threatening to jump into the grave two hundred dollars five crying and actually jumping into the grave one thousand dollars i think i'm gonna set aside a grand for when i die what the hell is a frog frogs are polite and use manners they literally just vibe sometimes frogs pretend to be harvest mice for fun earth is flat evidence you're wrong evidence you're right hey man nothing like an echo chamber when you've got your ears plugged someone asked me if i had plans for the fall it took me a moment to realize they meant autumn not the collapse of civilization how do you know that's what they meant though for real you gotta look around you my guy parents outraged after a man installs electric fence to keep kids off of his lawn it's my yard well i can't say that's something i would do but you gotta respect the investment there look if the parents aren't gonna be parents to keep them off my lawn i guess you know what it's time to learn some valuable lessons like how awesome alternating current is one egg a day equals five cigarettes a day egg yolk is so bad for us please watch what the health on netflix i've never smoked an egg in my life i also completely refuse to believe for one second that a single egg does as much damage to your body as a rat poison infused cigarette let alone five of them now of course i'm gonna look this up later and be proven completely wrong but at least i'm the type of person who changes my opinions based on the facts presented to me i know my boss is sick of me did you call a customer dumb tonight no i said are you dumb i was asking him do you think that was appropriate very much so that's fair it probably was incredibly appropriate person a drunken mind speaks a sober heart me drunk as hell my beast charger how could i get a couple crunky bees chuggers dreams be like do you have school tomorrow yes shut up oh look it's what i see when i rub my eyes really hard me whenever i need more words in my essay don't do not biology says that you're seven percent blood chemistry says that you're seventy percent water physics say that you're 99.9999999999999999 empty space luigi says you're a hundred percent depressed hey luigi would you please mind your own business man when i fell nothing would happen to me i wasn't delicate like you kids well grandpa you also couldn't really do much more than literally just take phone calls meanwhile i am used to take ding dong pics on snapchat at least 46 times a day now you tell me who's more important data information knowledge insight wisdom conspiracy theory me building sand castles with my grandmother everyone else in the crematorium wait a minute the jazz music stopped when you push the vacuum cleaner over a spot of dirt in your apartment and you hear that crackle oh yeah heard my husband scream no from across the house ran to see if he was okay then discovered him watching that video of the raccoon who tries to wash his cotton candy and then appears visibly upset when it dissolves in the water so you're telling us your husband's an incredibly good person what do people do in the shower for 45 minutes concerts meet and greets cry overthink arguments you name it it really is a box of imagination usually takes me about 45 minutes to record one of these videos femke it's five million subs sometime in the next year or two i'll record an entire episode in the shower i know i'm really good at motivating fan bases and that video would sound like it let's move on man the joke's over you're so cool and funny what have you done he doesn't know how to deal with compliments sup ugly sup when someone explains something to you three times and you still have no idea what's going on why do you think i don't have a real job me making weird faces under my mask in front of the cashier dang you have excellent lip control alright i'll bite what do i do for a living work as a butler in a haunted mansion and put your little hand in the mashed potatoes wow absolutely uncanny who remembers these mofos i remember one burned you alive and the other one gave you electric shocks yeah those tube slides basically gave you electroshock therapy british people be like who wants to play amongst us how are these funny you work too much you should be enjoying life you're wasting time you should be working more you know what brain what do you want from me i don't know it wants chemicals but the only thing that can give the brain the good chemicals is the brain therefore we are stuck between a rock and a load of boomerang oh you son of a me how long should i roast asparagus in the oven food blogger wondering how long to roast asparagus come here i've got your answer cool thank i was born on a farm in tennessee my father was an angry man with three fingers on each hand a war injury try to look up any adobe tutorial online you'll get the same damn thing but instead of family stories they're usually droning on about how you should smash the like button with your left testicle if you're a bro look at this beautiful dog i thought the cup was blasting off yeah that took me a minute too found this bird is this yours no name tag yelled every name at it doesn't respond to any obeys no commands very poorly trained well if nobody claims him i will i just got arrested for being too ugly can someone come bail me out on my way can someone come bail me out payment processing payment processing approved that's right put the gun away guy person we need to talk later me first of all i have anxiety tell me now i consider it at least a little bit abusive if you do this to somebody especially if you know that they get incredibly anxious and paranoid thank you 16 year old doesn't do drugs smoke go to parties swear talk back or have sex and gets good grades 16 year old plays video games parents anger yeah they stop liking it when you have fun very very fast and it's quite creepy yes creepy they banned push pops in school because people were sucking them into pointy weapons what where was this man there are a lot of really good jokes i could make about this one but i know it's not good for mr advertising so i'm gonna go ahead and move on now wait i'm alone always have been friend always have been turn it upside down and it's an alien reading torah you're welcome yeah thanks and on that incredibly unfunny note we've come to the end of another video ladies and gents made some 3d fan art my insta is at the digipainter alright let's take a look at this 3d fan art shall we this looks kind of scary i'm not going to lie it's freaking me out a little bit man always remember if you even somewhat enjoyed this video to drop a like down below and if you really enjoyed it well then make sure to get subscribed and click that bell icon and until next time we'll catch you later

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,938,841

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/me_irl, r/me_irl emkay, r/meirl emkay, r/meirl, me_irl, me_irl emkay, emkay me_irl, meirl, meirl emkay, emkay meirl, wholesomememes, wholesome memes, emkay memes, wholesomememes emkay, r/wholesomememes, r/wholesomememes emkay, r/memes, r/memes emkay

Id: D2AWVH-eAzc

Length: 19min 58sec (1198 seconds)

Published: Wed Dec 09 2020

Reddit Comments

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[u/thatonekidinartclass]

He needs to bath with his clothes on

[u/Tiny_Echidna7287]

START A RIOT

[u/Daz-boi]

This needs to happen

[u/Dull_Fuel5109]

We have to get robin to see this

[u/152069]

With facecam 😏

[u/am_normal_oki]

Yes i agree

[u/S_J_Cleric]

How do you know he doesn't always record in the bathroom?