r/Technicallythetruth | At least 5

a slice of pie is 2.50 in jamaica that was so random it's 3.25 in bahamas thanks for the useless info these are the pirates of the caribbean shut up shut up shut up shut up hello you goodness gracious good beings welcome back to mk my name is jack the snack that smiles back and today we shall enjoy the good stuff in the technically the truth subreddit so sit down shut up and enjoy any rich billionaire cosplaying as batman technically has the same power as batman well i mean he does have the fighting skills i feel that's what makes batman such a good character because he doesn't just resort to a giant freaking expensive gun to kill everyone with also i prefer my rich billionaires to have hair sorry jeff bezos and elon's hair is fake so he doesn't qualify either ball shaming ask reddit what is the worst advice you've ever received kick it to see if there are any more bees inside there were plenty of bees still inside it worked didn't it you know i disagree technically this is totally your fault because you just didn't have the equipment to protect yourself from the beast you just hired them as a consultant in that moment you know that wasn't up to their responsibility for you to be more prepared for the end result the beatles before they became big ah yes before you are big you are [ __ ] i really hate that the grainy old quality of this photo makes it actually look rather believable brain hurting thoughts that's what i like to experience the asteroid that entered the dinosaurs was technically the highest ratio of killing birds to one stone in earth's history challenge accepted somehow i don't know if i can really achieve that to be honest my name is bond james bond i didn't ask for a middle name mr bond bond every sea in the pacific ocean is pronounced differently an angry bird that disguises itself as a wealthy hunky looking man says today i made my first money as a photographer i sold my camera oh what are you talking about sir what about all that wealthful accumulation of exposure you've managed to garner over the years i reckon you could accumulate at least like five counts of indecent exposure with all that money one time i went to hand someone a bowl of hot soup and my brain tried to say careful it's hot and here's your soup so instead i blurt it out be careful it's soup guy getting the soup's just like oh god soup oh no what am i meant to do well all i have is this fork i can't fork soup oh no you can't sir it's just you know you probably get some burns all over it what so if you want to do that i really recommend apple pie instead i got bitten on my walk by a great dane oh my god imagine if it had been a small child i could have fought off a small child alice his face is genuinely like oh of course of course you can sweetie i i don't think for a second that you couldn't and her mind flashes back to their nephew's fifth birthday party where steve did in fact fail to fight off a small child i don't know what to do commas are important people commas aren't people congratulations you played yourself my son has been eating electrical cords what do i do ground him until he conducts himself properly you're not the smartest idea to post this question into a facebook group that is literally a bunch of dads okay worse yet you can tell by the bottom bit there that it was the person who posted this comment that screenshotted this like freaking typical of the dad himself to be the one to be like yeah this is i'm gonna share this with everyone else on the internet why is dark spelled with a k and not c why because you cannot see in the dark math is hard was talking with an anti-vaxxer earlier i told them that i they have a 1 in 50 chance of dying they told me that i'm a liar and their chances of living are like 98 or 99 technically you're both wrong we have a 100 chance of dying they just have a 1 in 50 chance of dying sooner hey you know nothing about me maybe i'm a lobster you can't tell it's not drinking alone if you're pregnant please don't have more kids when i drink water water me my hand oh this belongs in me irl so relatable folks you know when you're a japanese uh school girl yeah so relatable quick animal facts this is being quick animal facts all elephants were harmed in the making of this fact the matrix is the best movie about computers doing karate oh my god have i been called out has someone literally called me out on this this sounds like something i would stupidly say without thinking about the repercussions well stranger in the comments okay okay i get it okay a top three in comparison to the matrix is what it is clearly implying here so the matrix can't count as one of them so it's only two you have so uh suck it i'm definitely not gonna pay for being overly confident about saying this come at me you beautiful viewer you give me your worst all men are cremated equal feminism strikes again can you at least specify if they're already dead when you do this bit because i mean i don't mind the being cremated equal among everyone else just i prefer when i've already died you know because i mean there were some people that did that back in the day and i don't really think feminism wants to go that path as much as the insults like to imply they are it doesn't matter whether you're ugly or beautiful at the end of the day it's evening not if i get cremated first sucker behold as i step into my own oven therefore making your argument dismissive haha i win i'm the winner here getting fat just say no calories cannot legally enter your body without your consent damn apparently men understood that no filter with filter filter i hardly know her sometimes i wonder i must have a kid somewhere out there because i just land these dad jokes i am very happy that i don't though i would not be a good parent what's your name will we have orders to fire at will god damn it soldier stand down very well proceeds to face plan himself onto the ground on the plus side i am completely immune to flashbang grenades helen keller oh yes the ultimate spec up soldier ever notice when geese fly in a v formation one side is always longer than the other this is because there are more geese on that side god i hate i hate my mind always thinks that it's gonna go somewhere informative and creative but i forget the sub i'm reading captain america takes a serum that makes him superhuman thor summons lightning to fight his enemies doctor strange uses real magic hulk somebody once told me the world was gonna run me uh command i see no god up here hey take off your helmet then you'll see hey that's not technically proven so therefore it's not technically the truth how do you know he's gonna see god what if he sees a dog huh how are you gonna consider these points you're immortal until proven otherwise don't don't encourage people to test this theory unless they don't like to watch mk then yeah no please do talk nerdy to me people always tell introverts to be more talkative and leave their comfort zones yet no one tells extroverts to shut up and make their own comfortable oh this is a personal attack on me and i'm all for it no no he's got a point what is a word made up of four letters yet is also made up of three although is written with eight letters and then with four rarely consists of six and never is written with five if this perplexes you note that there are no questions only statements here now quickly show this to your friend and act like as if you knew the right answer the whole time free self-worth boost at the cost of your friend feeling stupid in front of you i fell off a 50-foot ladder today oh my gosh are you okay yeah luckily it was on the first step this is why we're getting a divorce stephen alice no the dreams of the child still haunts me our slash i have one head one foot and four legs what am i a bed easy deform that is in fact the official correct answer now but i got it right you're wrong because you're not as funny welcome to reddit guy you're the most average girl here wow you're mean no no you are it's a math joke just like the guy what he's a meth joke no he's just a joke this brings back memories i hate what you've done here i'm literally not a part of their culture because i'm so white but i still feel somewhat offended hmm fake every single mental illness or be normal some tick tock kids ha ha the red one please faking mental health problems for attention can be a sign of mental health problems uh but who has their mental health problem more the people who create the content or the people who keep engaging with their content into proving of it hey my fellow insane people clap whose car is this where are you headed what do you do miner mine mine and um mine what are you what are the seagulls from finding nemo oh nine oh you're german right sorry my mistake sir uh have a good day uh uh winston frickin oh uh yeah teacher no number before 1000 contains the letter a me i am stuck in a room with purple cloth it feels as if someone has got their hand shoved right up my anus this experience has made me realize that i am certainly straight negative 1 000. got him birds exists mockingbirds meanwhile hummingbirds [Music] tweet hasbro is the only company to sell monopoly therefore they have a monopoly on monopoly emily dalek spelt wrong says your belly button is just your old mouth well with the amazing feats i can perform with it when i am sitting down i do not disbelieve this yeah sorry i'll be with you back in a second guys i'm just um just talking to my friend hello chuck are you hungry yes i am hungry mr tummy hello hungry i'm dad oh are you a father as well mr tummy yeah but i haven't actually seen him in a few years oh oh yeah quite a tough just my wife yeah we're divorced right yeah so uh she took the custody top five things you should never do in japan one murder murder is actually very illegal in japan it goes against the traditional japanese concept of ikiru in which they believe human beings should live it is a beautiful belief you should respect when you come to japan murder i hardly know her i'll stop like i'll stop in all the movies santa never goes to the house directly next door he always gets in his sleigh and freaks off like 20 miles east well maybe that's because everyone else around them doesn't deserve presents maybe they've all been on the naughty list you know maybe santa's deciding to do a bit of a culling and towards the deliveries he does for the year so i'd never like to be in a christmas movie because clearly everyone else around you in your neighborhood are just horrible people like they're all on the naughty list in the most darkest horrifying way he's not even daring to visit them with a lump of coal to punish them for being bad he's genuinely afraid of being in their presence tell me something i don't know oh look at that username do you think they feel pretty about themselves do you think you make self-worth seem like a horrible trait in someone if pinocchio had said that his nose grows longer every time he tells the truth nobody would know that he was lying that oh my god disney you have a plot hole in your story my 11 year old just told me that once we get our bunny hazelnut neutered i will have to call him hazel i hate that she made me laugh because i keep asking them to stop being vulgar don't you dare try and restrict your child's creativity because that is genius 2021 olympic gold medals by planet so as you can see the entire local galaxy is up in arms over the clear biased and cheating going on with earth i do think it all started earlier in the years when we were disqualified pluto just out of our own malice a dwarf planet is still a planet people it's literally in the name come on science give a man a fish he'll eat for a day give a man a pen he'll probably draw a peepee i fail to see how that is a problem to our society sir i see it as a creative celebration of the pee ask reddit what would happen if a man takes birth control pills well they wouldn't get pregnant roses are red that much is true but violets are purple not freaking blue a necromancer is just a really late healer you're too late doc he's he's already dead cracks knuckles i didn't get my medical license revoked for nothing oh my god you're a necromancer oh no i'm a necrophiliac this is what sand looks like under a microscope wow it looks the exact same a track carrying work worse worcestershire worst this year worse this year worcestershire [Laughter] i'm literally talking to someone right now to help me pronounce this worse worse to share wish to share sauce crashes dispatcher what's the situation deputy uh it's hard to say ugh you look like schmidt dave don't don't body shame me man ah just why go through the effort of building like this it's just such a waste of time and money someone doesn't know about elevation then why don't you jump from window instead of using stairs hey what makes you think i don't i just don't work or live anywhere that has more than one floor does anyone know how to put the angel wings on a person that has passed this is posted in a group called photoshop edits and requests don't know why they specified that the person's passed on but uh look they they they fed it and now they're getting this result a staple gun your comment was removed from photoshop medicine request by an admin before acting in star wars harrison ford had never seen a star wars movie meanwhile in a sub that why why does that have what i mean i get people not believing in australia we're a pretty weird place but wyoming stars in wyoming taken by me near south pass nice try but there are no stars in wyoming they're in space i mean you can't argue with that why would you even bother arguing with some stranger who lives on a floating rock in space like they know anything about our earth so k equals one plus sin x over n well that's easy you just get rid of the ends because no one likes them and then you're left with a six right there that's the same as the the number six itself and you got a seven no that's stupid no that's seven how many people speak swedish google the all-knowing all-available internet search engine of all information among the cosmos says at least five thank god we're a free service stay off the tracks they are only for trains if you can read this you're not a train a nice survival hack for you how to wear earphones oh gosh you know i was gonna die out in this wilderness but thank god i remembered how to wear my earphones um excuse me won't the music be upside down oh i forgot the most uh highest killer of all lives in the wild it's uh basic stupidity if you got a dollar for every useless fact that you knew you would have zero dollars because those useless facts are no longer useless because they make you money vlc media has encountered a problem with windows they had a fight and i'll be honest it looks like vlc is taking you know they're doing pretty well compared to the windows right now what is a massive waste of time a large trash can full of [ __ ] clock clocks the deadly fact about water fact water can be chemically synthesized by burning rocket fuel fact over consumption can cause excessive sweating urination and even death one hundred percent of all serial killers are raised and drug dealers have admitted to drinking water water is one of the primary ingredients in herbicides and pesticides water is the leading cause of drowning 100 of all people exposed to water will die you will die in one week what do you do i die in one week yeah you really got to specify here is it like cancer or something because that's gonna really just screw up my body throughout that whole week whereas if i die from like a car crash then well i'm pretty good for at least six days ask reddit should schmeck's work be regarded and respected the same as any other job why or why not hey work his work we're all getting fricked one way or another everyone's a [ __ ] grace we just sell different parts of ourselves dumb as shelby this way to indian writing there it is yep we build a sign for that girlfriend moving in her can i set up a cloning machine in the basement me sure make yourself at home and she took that personally eating too much cake is the sin of gluttony however eating too much pie is okay because the sin of pie is always zero damn you maths being funny now before we go my prelate it is time to shout out to someone's fan art and today's work is by doom grumps they have decided to design the mk logo in a company logo form ah yes my favorite youtube channel hey thank you for your wonderful design their doom grumps and remember if you yourself have any creative uh pursuits of artwork that you'd like to show to us feel free to post it in the mk subreddit now with that said it is the end of today's video i hope you had some fun leave a little like here and there comment your favorite moments or maybe moments you hate having to hear me do either one i'll accept it i love you after all have you got the time make sure you're still subscribing to the channel with that notification bell clicked on to get updates on all the daily goodies my name has been jack though feel free to say hello to me in the link in the description down below you have been an amazing person to ramble at today and i look forward to doing it again soon bye-bye

Channel: EmKay

Views: 595,194

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes

Id: 7Ptuy5eGKho

Length: 17min 30sec (1050 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 31 2021