r/Technicallythetruth | 3/4 there :\

hey does anyone sell Netflix accounts yeah Netflix does hello you lovely people and welcome back to Ma my name is Lexie and today we'll be taking a look at technically the truth I've come for your soul I knew you would be coming death so I waited in my living room so you let him go look my hands were tied what is absolute zero cold I am not ashamed to say this is totally something I would do in grade school I just checked my bank account and figured out that I can live comfortably without working for the rest of my life as long as I die on Wednesday joke's on all of you I just found a pack of rum and I'm gonna live till Friday your genitals are older than your teeth thanks I in no way needed to know that what are signs of low IQ lower than average scores and IQ tests minimal effort Google minimal effort how to survive a five-mile fall with no parachute easy you fall from six miles so that you are alive after falling for five miles also for that last mile you should be at your terminal velocity of about 180 miles an hour so you should be able to say this for about 31 seconds good job we're all very proud of what's left of you we need dark mood for discord this is dark mode no this is gray mode does this long have a name yes good to know thanks sometimes sarcasm is just so friendly and it makes me so warm and fuzzy inside can you explain the cell division really fast boop boop boop thanks no seriously how else was I supposed to narrate that I'm African nice where do you live Africa that word disputes an Arab may look ridiculous but backwards it's even more stupid it is I checked I only date six-foot guys me with two feet oh you heard it here first if you want to attract a lady become an insect the neverending story run time one hour and 47 minutes cue liar stay on the right path even if you have to walk alone but that's that's the left path they could have completely avoided this if they just flipped the image nothing starts with N and ends with G no no he's got a point what says a lot about a person Vera biography my first time using an elevator was an uplifting experience the second time let me down that elevator was a disappointment to its family and everyone around it but all I was doing was its job one day I hope I am the girl that walks into a room and all eyes are on her the trick is to get a really big hat and then scream hey it worked one of the single-player games out there helpful no no that wasn't helpful descriptive at best there's not a single thing the American people can't do if we do it together we can't breathe in space without an external supply of oxygen we also can't survive all jumping into a wood chipper at the same time but you don't see me complaining a slice of apple pie is two dollars and fifty cents in Jamaica and three dollars in the Bahamas these are the Pirates of the Caribbean yeah I know where this was going I could see Johnny Depp on the top of a pirate ship just holding a giant pie friends are like birds they die if you kill them at least my friends are real unlike birds world's most pathetic elevator chime our first comment has its ups and downs no but seriously go up this video up you won't regret it it is really the most pathetic elevator time ever nintendo's oh come on some poor grandma is going to buy this and hand it to their kid and their kid is going to have to pretend to be really happy with getting this as a birthday present Danish flag Swedish flag Finnish flag no thinking about the guy who fully told me if you keep saying you're lesbian men won't want to date you this is some are / facepalm stuff Wow stupid what we see versus what animals with a color range larger than us can see I'm legally blind I can barely see any of this how did he survive that by not dying oh thanks for clarifying try not dying today it's the best way to stay alive a grain of rice but world's smallest computer guys under 6 ah we stand short kings in this house Vanessa asks what is the phobia of chainsaw skull and the best answer common sense what does made you say yep this person is going places I once saw a man in the airport boarding a plane with this passport out and this is exactly what it made me think friends are like snowflakes when you pee on them they disappear I'm I'm pretty sure this tactic works on your enemies too at least it should I'm Japanese and one time I was on the phone with my mother speaking Japanese someone yelled at me to speak English so he just yelled back anglish and continue my conversation my mother had no idea what was going on and I still laugh about that me he died of natural causes judge no you pushed him off a roof me but gravity is natural judge oh he's getting the F out of there there are so many good uses for a giant cardboard F I really want to make one now eyedrops are technically blinker fluid so why vote we start selling it at auto parts stores okay when does a joke become a dad joke when it becomes a parent I mean it's a cheap pun but it works also is that by actual link did you know there is a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than an average house this is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that an average house cannot jump this is just smartass to Reddit and I absolutely love it if you hold a crab up to your ear you can actually hear what it's like to be attacked by a crab I'm disappointed I was expecting crab rave the internet has lied to me again how much would a trip to Spain cost it depends where you live for example if you live in Spain it's free what would you use a space telescope to look at space and it better be just space do not aim it at your neighbors you will scar yourself this is nothing short of the pure misuse of technology it's a playlist called porker which literally has fun lettuce ketchup cheese beef and bun in that order for all the tracks and it is gorgeous and I love it and well done top four things that humans cannot see with their bare eyes ah yes Cthulhu and his three sons what y'all don't wear glasses nothing is written in stone why yes yes it is very good full marks nobody is born cool except of course babies born in air-conditioned hospitals smugface there weren't subtitles for smugface but you know he thought it if animals could talk which would be the rudest humans now that's a fact ever notice when geese fly in a V formation one side is always longer than the other that is because there are more geese on that side these are all answers I would provide in grade school Oh no wonder I did poorly a pair of hands suddenly appear on your head anak they're gone calm their back and start shaking your head panic I think I think this just qualifies as anxiety oh I'm glad I'm not going to school in Germany or else I'd probably fail why well one I don't speak German that next message better be - I don't live in Germany man-woman gay straight black white young old rich poor people that didn't get decapitated that skeleton do be kind of grooving though oh oh no Museum of fire use next exit no no no Museum on fire use next exit in 1977 we received a radio signal from space that lasted 72 seconds and to this day we still know where it came from uh yes we do it came from space the girl that you're talking to says she has no friends you realize that you can't be friend zoned if she doesn't have friends I'll tell you what that is some bobby fischer logic right there I see no flaws in this plan well they can't say there is no soap in the soap dispenser you should see how violent throwing ice into a deep fryer is or frozen turkeys or live turkeys I can't say I would buy tickets to that for legal reasons I'm gonna go to bed early today me at 3:00 a.m. Google how tall is Jesus he was a bit higher when crucified I'm a circle no no he's got a point there's three actually if the number 666 is considered evil then twenty five point eight zero six nine seven five eight is the root of all evil well the math checks out that's good enough for me these people think bleach look here autism oh that's terrible Oh God technically Philippe's cures many many things these include living this entire post is cascaded from bad to worse remember taking the vegetables off your double bacon cheeseburger decreases the amount of calories consumed how did I not know about Health bad vice like this this could be magical I'm stealing this ah yes enslaves snowman blood totally just going to walk into a deli in New York City be like oh yes could I have a bottle of your finest enslaves snowman blood refreshing an abbreviation of fan art would be fart but do you still keep the plural so like could I say oh yes I love fart don't fart in an apple store why they don't have windows oh god friend sorry the juice is a bit warm I didn't put it in the fridge me be a lot cooler if you did press any key to continue spacebar escape power button key press the key doctor hi how are you patient I'm doing thanks doctor get the frak out then not gonna lie I kind of want to become a doctor just to do this when you play through the game again ah here we go again can somebody edit this so that this meme is at the end of the alley that CJ is walking down because recursion I lost my workbook what do I do look for it you'll get no sympathy from me you want sympathy look in the dictionary between and syphilis can I just steal this like this would be amazing to use in real life what the Freck I can't believe after all that they're back together who are you jeeps Baja geology rocks but geography is where it's at frack attractive people that's the plan it's time for you to look inward and begin asking yourself the big questions why is I called a building if it's already been built great another thing to lose sleep over onion rings are just vegetable Donuts change my mind oh yes they are fried their fried vegetables I I'm on board with this oh man now I want onion rings had to show my wife the photo I took as she didn't believe me when I said I saw a unicorn today that's a single stick of corn inside a single husk on a single unicycle so is this a uni uni unicorn a uni uni unicorns sounds like something I would want but I I i I don't I really really don't jujitsu noun the gentle act of folding clothes while people are still in them to involuntary yoga the hospital you were born in is the only place you left without entering I don't want to give the up vote but I will why in the world is there a tomato on the train because it's the subway there better be one ingredient per car all the way down also I live in New York City this isn't even remotely weird would you take a bullet for your partner uh uh uh taking things that are not yours is theft open your eyes jack stop pretending you're my shadow Oh Michael I - that's a really good effect how to be good at talking one polite greeting - name three relevant personal life or manage expectations one hello - my name is inigo montoya three you killed my father four prepare to die I like the expectations on this this is good Mount Rushmore before it was carved its natural beauty was unprecedented the opposite of formaldehyde is casual des Jekyll I can't believe I read this post with my own frakking eyes I didn't say my frame rate was one frame per second I said it was sixty frames per minute she what's wrong me every see in Pacific Ocean is pronounced differently oh god that's gonna bug me now you guys can't read lmao if those kids could read they'd be very upset I'm a cashier at McDonald's I'm a transactions expert for a multi-million dollar company this is just you and real-life versus you and your resume exercise 58 fill in the blanks the racer is long as the beads the broom is as big as the stars the key is as long as the pins the nail is as long as the screws somebody thought they were in English class when they were clearly in math let's take a brief look back in 1975 shall we oh oh that's gorgeous did you know the pool on the Titanic is still filled with water not the same water and it's probably filled with other things but that's not really the point sir I'm telling you speed is relative poor Einstein could never get his point across son why do you have all A's except for an F in report card forgery class I don't know but that seems to suggest I being capable of forging my report card oh yes of course if you eat food in a store and stay long enough to poop it out in the store it's not stealing you're not wrong and I hate that student are well and actually both single syllable words teacher well yes but actually no how dare you stand where he stood Dumbledore has stood everywhere in this school what do you want me to do float no sex before marriage say it after me me it beat any escape room ten proven tricks and tips I heard that you can escape in less than one minute by having a panic attack in the corner people who don't want to be sheep are [ __ ] crazy your job is to eat all day and get haircuts your boss is a dog people all over the world fall asleep thinking about you that sounds great why don't I consider this before how many stars are in the sky NASA says there are at least five but has evidence of thousands more just a few NASA just a few dogs spelled backwards is backwards it is hey happy birthday I got you a present it's the definition of the word excessive Thanks that means a lot ah there is an earth around our near a star scientists confirm hahaha oh it took me a bit oh that's well done oh I like that that was really well done water is bad because ten out of ten people that drink water die I trust the Huskie professor I don't know about you I'm just I'm drinking straight energy drinks from here on out only the music fans will get it I can't do it super loud because it's late but I love this insane fact the blue whale is so large that if it were laid long weighs on a basketball court the game would be canceled I bought an Xbox just to play this I bought it today you bought it three years ago update this comment in a year you started it you got to keep it going me scores a point enemy team debates with the referee referee no no he's got a point hey what's 40 4/5 it's 44 over 5 what calculator why are you booing me I'm right if wookies up a 400 year lifespan then Han Solo is basically like Chewbacca's third dog Han would have lived longer if Chewie had gotten him neutered a bellybutton is basically a scar from when you got into a knife fight with a guy in a mask after being evicted from your first place can't wait to take this one to my next baby shower how I see ditto how female Pokemon see ditto he'll male Pokemon see ditto he'll breeders see ditto how haters see ditto how blind people see ditto hey I I'm legally blind I could see ditto just fine on a 55 inch monitor with screen zoom and me squinting at the screen yeah okay you might have a point my name is Justin I didn't ask just in case why don't we just put all the ocean water in a cup clean out the bottom and then pour it back I don't know that's a lot of water man we might need two cups she shouldn't date him he looks kind of sketchy aha some earrings I found on la express never arrived and they asked for photo evidence this is gorgeous I'm gonna do this to any company to ask for this did you know wrapping your like in cabbage makes your legs smell like cabbage something I would have never figured out honestly if your dog does a poo please put it in the litter bin oh no no no the doggy no that's not what they meant firetruck finally an accurate depiction of a firetruck it's never on fire we have us we have us we have wait where to go they had us in the first half not gonna lie cheating ex girlfriend sends apology letter guy sends it back graded using red pen achievement get return to sender cat detector yes yes this is in fact a cat sometimes you need one of those you know you're not quite sure is it a cat is it an overly enthusiastic ferret an otter with abnormally long legs the world's a strange place you sent to our babies what is this do send to our babies suckle from the horse nipples or the human nipples though centers aren't real do you understand that yes this is why I made a tumblr post about this instead of just asking a real centaur hedgehog crossing ok I didn't expect to actually see an Hedgehog there but I'm impressed this is also a really freaking cute picture I love it I'm sorry I really like you things we know this moving on the dislikes are from who doesn't like despedido Google when was cars released June 9th 2006 in Canada Google when was the Pixar Cars video game released June 6 2006 Lightning McQueen is a video game character I can't argue with that logic the game came out first I am a fan of the movie based on the video game cars almost 4 chairs I mean does it come with the guy just asking politicians are flammable girls have a higher risk of getting pregnant than boys you've got a point there please put ketchup on the shopping list ok no problem hmm I can't read it word of this this is this is such a dad joke single father tries to end world hunger with his rock collection oh oh oh oh that works oh I don't like that oh I don't like that at all oh my god that works ah wanna see my boob yes please oh I don't know what I was expecting there but fair enough my iris is misshapen but no known I problems after 25 years this is a pie chart of how much of your iris is it missing poor person oh that's hilarious and that brings us to the end of another technically the truth if you enjoyed that video go ahead and hit that subscribe and like button my name is lexi i hope you guys have a victorious day tomorrow stay safe stay healthy and i'll see you guys in the next video [Music] you [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,558,376

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, reddit stories, ask reddit, funny reddit, emkay, memes, r/technicallythetruth, r/technicallythetruth emkay, technicallythetruth, technicallythetruth emkay, reddit truth, truth, reddit puns, dad jokes, puns, emkay technicallythetruth

Id: YoF3lsR2s3g

Length: 18min 8sec (1088 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 18 2020