r/Me_irl · too relatable

this is the height of luxury little dude be smiling little dude be smiling hey everyone welcome back to easy peasy once again it's your boy cougar and we're gonna be diving on into our slash me irl so two different colored eyes curly hair and ugly as sin let's get to it shall we while being attacked by police dog oh what's his name ow damn it damn it please tell me his name so i can pat the cute boy the first step to reducing your emissions is to know where you stand find out your hashtag carbon footprint with a new calculator and share your pledge today i pledge not to spill 4.9 million barrels of oil into the gulf of mexico and then just say i'm sorry we're sorry we're so sorry i do not exist to be viewed to be considered sexy desirable i am but a vessel for pasta and that is valid yes my friend i am but a vessel for plain chicken ah i can relate to this my mom come downstairs i need to talk to you me remembering everything i've done wrong in the past month i'm a dead man i'm so dead i'll be late for work today there is a cat on my car roof have to take the bus you can't just come in late because you don't want to bother a damn cat just get rid of it i'm afraid i won't be able to what is more important your job or a damn animal i don't know buddy what do you think's more important the big construction cat that fell in my car and totaled it for my job you tell me elon musk just announced that tesla cause will soon be able to connect to each other via bluetooth allowing drivers to communicate and speak with other tesla drivers nearby road rage about to be like cod lobby early 2000s like when white kids would scream the most freaked off obscenities on there you know what i'm talking about if you played mw2 you're so polite thanks i was raised in constant fear of upsetting people that's why i hold the door for 20 minutes sometimes heart heart oh wait how do i turn the three omfg this plus this equals heart never mind i got it what the frick how did you do it i'm pretty sure that's just some symbol in the second setting whatever how introverts make friends they don't an extrovert found them like them and adopted them still waiting on my extrovert to adopt me tell them i'm gonna be in a booth talking myself when i'm in class yeah one percent paying attention imagining me in preschool with my current iq dude i do this all the time that are like i'm looking up at the shelf and the matching little stick figures fighting each other something's wrong with my brain i think this just in a plane was forced to make an abrupt turnaround after a passenger realized she forgot her baby at the terminal kevin oh god alone pros alone cons alone pros for me i can do my recording when no one's talking not that anyone would be talking to me i just be chilling and all of a sudden my ear goes am i a mosquito no but i'm making a noise michelangelo was only 24 years old when he completed the piete sculpture i probably mispronounced that the fact that he was a turtle makes it 10 times more fascinating teenage mutant ninja artists teenage mutant ninja artists turtles in a half shell but i'm 24. my wife on our wedding day and her smile the day she met roblo that really sucks buddy but i'd be smiling even bigger than her mommy who makes christmas toys the elves wow really even video games sure oh my god what the frick is this crap santa we need to have a conversation i can't make a ps5 man wife and i don't wear wedding rings we show our commitment to one another by exchanging sim trays in our iphones uh-huh that's that's awesome i'm glad you guys love each other so much and it looks really cool delete this before apple makes something called i do too late welcome to apple 2021 locked inside can't afford a wedding ring now you can exchange your sim cards for only ten thousand dollars on top of the iphone purchase come on you know you love apple you'll buy it anyway i call this part of the fridge the butter's penthouse my friend my butter's penthouse is filled with like every sauce i save from a store so yeah no birth giver where are you my room no yes oh you were under blankets why'd you take the photo friend not a single person asked me how fast i could run in my new shoes today being an adult freaking stupid i'm not gonna lie i legit got a pair of silver nikes when i was like nine which was not that long ago but i legit told my mom the store mom i can run faster now and she just shook her head and god bless my mother don't like trucks stop buying crap problem solved society yeah yeah well one day there's not gonna be trucks it's just gonna be drone armies invading our houses all classes online now lunch ladies probably taste better than my schools lunch i love you mom what do you need son you know one day i'll bring back the curse voice but i just don't feel like doing it for you guys just yet screw uber message me and i'll come get you in a 1989 pontiac firebird with a fifth of whiskey and an eight ball blasting motley crew on the speakers and i'll holler hell yeah brother at everything you say hell yeah brother forget uber this is macho man randy savage the 80s uber oh yeah i legit hit this dude up dude take me to the store i want to look so cool jamming out to kickstart my heart you ever been too nice and ended up in a situation that you could have avoided if you have been a butthole yeah mike every single one of my crappy friendships bambi's mother gold to protect and raise bambi failed i've failed this with all my houseplants man movie flashbacks to a character's childhood six-year-old me damn they've been filming this movie since he was a kid only if it's that one movie i can't remember what it's called but yeah like they filmed it over 20 years or something it was really interesting the funeral service for adobe flash will be held in 31 days we will miss you flash you are now just adobe animate or something stupid like that and still a terrible program being poor is cool because you'll be saving up for something you really want and you'll almost be there and ready to buy it and then your check engine light comes on my friend my friend i drive in 97 honda every light is on when the lights work no joke i had to play with the switch to get him to turn on at night to see how fast i'm going it's really scary please help me do you wear glasses with or without training wheels my friend what is it called with the chain that like librarians use then i'm actually interested me hey famous actor dwayne johnson why do you call yourself the rock dwayne runs full speed at a pond and skips like 15 signs me oh my that's a turn on when i'm dead i want to be cremated i want my ashes to be buried and someday a wonderful tree will grow on it no way i'm gonna be part of the zombie apocalypse and not just a boring tree har har har damn i knew i should have been a skeleton spooky scary skeleton but now i'm just a tree biden all white men must now wear may dresses and take estrogen m excuse me i'm an orange person so i'm exempt from this law i'm not even kidding this is cooking there i paint my nails already two different colors because i think it's fun if my boyfriend or girlfriend in the future wants me to wear a maid dress and it makes them happy yeah i'll do it i don't really care things are comfortable mom obsessed with the idea of having a grandchild me knowing damn well the bloodline dies with me it's okay i got a dumb older brother when cap's lock is on and you hold shift on the first letter yes the very religious horse girl from my high school posted this picture on their facebook page and i'm i'm just lost god give me a reason to go to work horses aren't cheap my child this is unintentionally better than any crap post i've ever posted everyone knows if you own horses you've probably got money i had a horse but it was donated to me and his name was general and he died when i was golfing one day great time go to bed wake up do something do nothing fail feel guilty hate yourself go to bed yeah this is me yesterday i laid in bed slept and woke up i was like my life's crap i'm going back to sleep and then i did it all over again today i went outside today and it was a disaster yeah me too penguin me too charlie please don't ever leave the internet the judge checking if enough people posted the hashtag free my boy before making a decision i sometimes feel this is the way judge judy makes judgments so how's school going bucko good thanks for asking when you click on the post instead of the upvote button while having slow af internet this little maneuver is gonna cost us 51 years i live where i basically have dial up so yeah i get this a lot you can create magic everywhere how the frick is her hand on her chest yeah i come on you i'm on to you sheriff you hate hate this freaking art style yes i do you can burn in hell art style like this ava at f41 rygf me all bodies are beautiful my brain except just me except mine i'm gross and ugly and my eyes don't match and my hair looks like ramen oh god existential crisis ah introverts in public i can't sing introverts at home this girl is on fire yeah sorry i'm not david i can't sing so well but i tried dammit try reading cooking instructions off the bag i just threw out okay microwave for either 15 minutes or 15 hours damn but it's so gross i'm not gonna touch it when your kid says he hates school so you make him hate home too parent yes do good my mom versus my dad i took this photo in the car and it reminded me of your beautiful soul miss you more and more every day this reminds me of you lmao why remember when you had scoliosis [Laughter] my dad didn't do this my best friend is like this furry reminds me of you and i was like why because it's got furry eyes jesus that's great students after graduating students after graduating do not know how to get a job i don't know how to pay taxes all i know is that the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell and a squared plus b squared equals c squared thanks public education chris scott mariah carey beginning with i don't want a lot for christmas and then revealing she wants you is such a good burn burn not all superheroes we're capes that man in red shirt is using his force to stop the bat look at him don't worry i have the high ground found the pepsi font but it only comes in gold for some reason the all-new redesigned pepsi piss because 2020 really took the piss of a year limited time only until we're allowed to go back outside when i put my playlist on shuffle you get screamo mixed with rap yeah yeah pretty much by the way dude goth chick with like the half shaved head right there next to the tombstone i really like your hairdo ten out of ten people watching movies how do they not realize that the eccentric millionaire is obviously a super villain people watching elon musk rich men will build rockets to take zizi mars he even named his kid like what you'd name an evil battle troy come on guys him and jeff bezos are evil i'm telling you okay but why was there always a bite taken out of these because that is your friend who lives on the neighborhood we like to call michael that is a brewster reference moving on my boyfriend was diagnosed with kobe 19 yesterday i asked if he needed anything and he dead but asked for a booty pic to motivate him for survival hey man if you're his girlfriend just do it man he can't taste anything so at least let him have some good taste in women the human body evolved over hundreds of thousands of years so you can sit at a desk in a sterile cubicle and look at fake lights in a box and pretend you don't want to kill yourself and if you can't focus on doing that for nine hours a day five days a week that's a mental disorder isn't humanity great i'm so glad we live in a capitalistic society your your neighbor start a pace giant thrill brick sandals scrapy scrapy furniture this is why i bought a whisper room spent more money on it than my car so that i could record without my neighbors going clunk clunk clunk clunk clunk i swear to god every time they start mowing or freaking using a chainsaw right when i want to record i swear to god a girl keeps sending my local news station screenshots of the landscape from red dead redemption 2 for their out and about news segment and they keep putting on the news thinking it's a photo bella i salute you i salute you too because this town needs more red dead two players come on people come back to this game love sleeping in guest bedrooms they're always just a little off blanket is tucked in too tight headboard is too cold van is a little too loud it's incredible lamp is just out of reach and it's the only light in the room the floor is carpeted but cold it's always 8 p.m not just that there's that smell there's that smell of just like new room or like new foam or carpet that never goes away i actually like it i like sleeping in guest beds i like that thin little woolly blanket you get yeah yeah i'm down more for it how do i talk to the homies on discord satan himself psychopaths people who sleep in jeans oh oh i guess i guess i'm one of those i don't sleep in jeans of sleeping cargo pants and a hoodie but i don't have good heat come to my house no sex gotta go fast sex gotta go past sex faster faster about to get late tonight when i'm having an emotional crisis but still trying not to be a burden hello 9-1-1 how are you not good but i'm glad you picked up fly entering my house fly trying to get mr krabs the front door is missing oh yeah i'd took my dogs to take their yearly christmas photos it's really hard when you have one super photogenic dog and one having an existential crisis oh look at the little puffer that is friend like why do i live why do i fetch what is the purpose how can you eat these precious creatures is this a rhetorical or are you looking for recipes because deer jerky and venison good granted i grew up on a farm but also here's why they eat my freaking corn they bother my horses and goats oh yeah and i don't even call them deer i call them future car dance because i've hit so many from living in the damn woods all my life i asked for the strongest coffee they had oh poor seto kaiba oh it sucks that yuki got those cards thrown off a boat by weevil absolutely cannot handle the cardboard dogs watching from the audience oh my god look at them the golden retriever in the back the one girl sitting next to him the cat who's from the one meme oh this is fantastic man who thought he'd lost all hope lose his last additional bit of hope he didn't even know he still had yeah yeah 20 20s that year why not treat yourself to a good time instead of waiting for someone else to do it did my fortune cookie just tell me to masturbate okay be back in five minutes people i i didn't last five minutes and it was a couple seconds okay on to the next meep stop making fun of me me taking undeserved breaks in the name of self-care after doing the bare minimum i deserve this i've worked too hard i talk at a microphone all day i am treating myself my daily routine is very simple i wake up and i suffer and then i do it all over again seven days a week 24 7 365. doctor protect the ones you love most from coronavirus me here you go mr whiskers i don't have a cat but i have a barn cat that someone dropped off i'd get him a mask if he'd let me touch him yeah alcohol is cool but have you ever had someone care for you and do anything to see a smile on your face me neither pass the bottle cody i'm about to get wasted koalas use their noses to find friends and avoid enemies it smell like a can hear might who wants to go ugh people who treat their birthday as a normal day think they're more mature than everyone good one no we're just miserable dude i haven't celebrated my birthday in like six years that's not for me being totally miserable the whole time it's mostly because i don't have a lot of friends who like can come see me in person i've been building my son's trust for two years with high fives today i'm going to hit him with a too slow welcome to the real world son it's rough out here buddy don't work hard work intelligent hello so i order a thousand cubes for my homemade pyramid but you sent me 998 ones and two spheres uh what do you mean we don't even sell spheres well apparently one of your employees spent the entire work day cutting two of them in the spheres so we can roll them oh lord it was probably john he is a kind of an idiot we'll fix this as soon as possible we apologize ah thanks a lot and you should probably fire jon we would but you know effeminate action life was better when these apps were the height of technology they really were remember when there was the shotgun one god it brings me back memories at first cookie monster was confused why he was sent to hell by god but then he realized that the sinners had all been turned into cookies he wasn't being punished he was the punishment c is for cookie and i'm [Music] you know people ask why we have depression look at that cookie on a children's tv show tell me that thing does not look straight up depressed mom during an argument my ass mom during cleaning our house we work together we clean yes yes yes hey there buds outdoor yoga and a dome pop-up coming to toronto so we just let homeless sleep in the freaking rain and snow because why ha good one it's cause capitalism that's why yeah baby it rules the world um i don't need to write that down i'll just remember it and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself volume eight scrolling scrolling scrolling why am i not studying scrolling with a grant scrolling with regret scrolling with more regret ah but i love reddit so much there are two types of people in this world avoid them both until next time friends because i was secretly skeletor no he's he man i know that shut up what's stopping jeff bezos from being santa he has our addresses he has drones he has a wishlist and intimate knowledge of our habits he is specifically making the choice to not be santa fun fact about this jeff bezos he's become a trillionaire during kovid you're a great person jeff bezos doing fine thanks for ruining the world buddy my japanese mom said if i got on america's got talent she'd pretend she doesn't support my comedy career and no longer speaks to me to give me a solid backstory she said she'd plan a dramatic moment where she calls for the first time in five years i love her so much my mom would do this for me too if i asked well well well if it isn't the problems i tried to escape by taking a nap didn't expect to see you guys here but we always come the world now runs on video game logic what's the first thing you do look at my stats to find out wtf is wrong with me oh i see i was a glitch i'm not even supposed to be here okay then well if you made it this far hopefully you're not a glitch too anyways feel free to like and subscribe let us know we like see more down the comments below have a good day be good people and remember stay safe out there and stay positive

Channel: EzPz

Views: 140,025

Rating: 4.939784 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/me_irl, r/meirl, me irl, me_irl, reddit me irl, r/me_irl ezpz, emkay, ezpz, ez pz

Id: UtzzW7GPuXY

Length: 19min 10sec (1150 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 01 2021