r/Cursedcomments · yikes

if you just won 30 million dollars and your mama's left eye is 29 million dollars what are you doing ah she's seen enough i mean i'm sorry mom but that's 30 million dollars we can get you like one of those plastic eyeballs out of the gumball machine what's going on everyone welcome back to easy peasy my name is david the baker and today we're going to be taking a look at our slash cursed comments it's been a while since i've done this subreddit so it's going to be a pretty fun video and by pretty fun video i mean a pretty creepy video that's going to leave you feeling cursed so without further ado let's go don't knock unless i married you birthed you or ordered food from you the adopted kid i guess i'm gonna have to crash through the window man this is fake the adopted kid is the food wait what he is 3.5 metric tons of raw sexual aggression me every time i get up in the morning whoa calm down there chief in 1910 there was a u.s baseball team made up of death row inmates whose execution dates were delayed as long as they were winning it's either you clutch or kick dr dre's wife files for divorce after 24 years now she's finna find out what beats by dre really means no that's terrible why do bigfoot hunters try to lure him with a mating call do they have any game plan for if a sasquatch comes barreling towards them out of the woods full tilt with a raging boner what the f do you think the point of finding bigfoot is it's to mate with him of course like if you're not gonna mate with bigfoot then like you're wasting your time oh no dude look out for that shovel this is how archaeologists hunt yeah we couldn't find any bones so we'll just have to make some bruh two pregnant ladies and this woman's belly is just a little weird oh god is that the baby ha neat cereal bowl you know what actually does kind of look like a cereal bowl i'd eat cereal out of it what you wouldn't eat cereal out of it what are you some kind of weirdo whenever pewdiepie would do his signature bro fist i would put my head to the monitor close my eyes and imagine it blowing straight through the back of my skull like a 12 gauge shotgun what i did not see that one coming at all that that that comment took like a left turn so fast man arrested for attaching 137 balloons to a chair with his mother-in-law in it guess you could call it a chair way to heaven wait no how does it go hello police yeah it's this post right here what is the purpose of a ding-dong slapping a coochie before proceeding to have sex a sound check duh you gotta make sure it sounds right that's the whole point a man asked an artist how do you make such beautiful things from stone he replied beauty is already hidden there i just removed the extra stone your happiness is hidden within yourself just remove your worries well time to decapitate myself wait till 1984 chill take a breather just chill how can you tell if someone loves you back or not this one time i took a massive crap at a party and the toilet got all clogged and then i realized there was no plunger so i had to scoop the crap out of the toilet and out the bathroom window and it landed on their dog outside and i was like oh crap what does that have to do with anything it doesn't i just wanted to do a story time you freaking weirdo kate middleton re-wears blue alexander mcqueen coat for the fourth time okay and she likes it i've worn the same condom four times in a row too because i like it mind your own business uh dude not the same thing not the same thing at all dude that is not the same thing it's not the same thing at all blurst condom i get it instead of putin it's pulled in our condom when you finger a girl from colombia you should have tried it before she was cremated whoa come on it was a joke about drugs well you gotta make it even weirder how serial killers who never got caught watch documentaries about their crime see now this is relatable wait what white girl after buying one crystal i be the witch of the wood white girls after buying one gram of crystal yep you know what uh this picture is more accurate she looks kind of like a muppet too i don't mean to be mean but she looks like a puppet i got a girl pregnant in high school so i told my parents i was getting bullied and we moved lol so that's where my dad went i mean that's a pretty crummy thing to do but also kind of ingenious for a high schooler oh yeah the little the the water bottle coolers you could just pop them out and throw them in the bottle now this is the effing crap that would qualify this year as the future i've tried these it's all fun and games until you sip and get deep throated by a four inch ice rod just saying why else would i put it in my drink that's what makes it good a not safe for work post should tell us if it's a sexual post or a gory or violent post i too saw boobs when i expected a public execution disgusting i can get a double cheeseburger so why can't i get a double hot dog i have designed an extra wide bun that can accommodate two frankfurts at one time higher meat to bread ratio more surface area for mustard and relish the world is ready the time has come actually that's a pretty good idea get ready for the double doggy style and you ruined it you just you straight up ruined it thank you thank you for that if breast size doesn't matter neither should ding dong size gonna have to disagree i don't care how big her boobs are but if her dong is even an inch bigger than mine then i'm out i mean that's a fair rule when you flawlessly execute a joke in front of four to five people and everyone laughs oh yeah nah nah nah how about when you flawlessly execute four to five people now that's what i'm talking about please don't buy any fireworks i'm so scared buy hookers you can bang them too if you make a hooker explode at 150 feet the police aren't as understanding now you know what you got a point but it still would be pretty entertaining i found this ravine and it looks like an eye not gonna lie i saw something else and it's uh it's definitely not an i hold the f up people who are offended when i breastfeed in public need to shut the f up what i'm doing is natural and strengthens the bond between me and my dog wait a second who is feeding whom i'm asking for a friend i mean yeah we've all seen this meme before but i've actually never thought about it is the dog breastfeeding you or are you breastfeeding the dog it changes the entirety of the weirdness where am i welcome to hell whoa good weather here ha ha yeah darn australians i guess they're already used to everything around them being on fire ah that's true when i beat my meat with vicks vaporub oh my god how it feels to screw 5 gum how it feels to screw five gum two slices of pizza are the equivalent of swallowing three spoons of warm oil do you feel like eating a pizza now yeah i've swallowed worse warm fluids in nature poisonous creatures will develop bright colors to warn others of their toxicity don't care i'm horny just because you're horny doesn't mean you should screw frogs i learned that the hard way i agree with anti-vaxxers ask me anything why so i work at funerals and the money just keeps coming in when you throw a random grenade and get a kill oh this would be even funnier if it was implied to video games and not just real life tis better to come in the sink than to sink in the [ __ ] socrates ah yes and is tis better to crap in the shower than to shower in the crap gandhi i don't mean to be that guy but i really don't think either of them said that oh hey it's doofenshmirtz he was a failed abortion he had a rough childhood he failed art as a student and he was german still doesn't ring a bell for me oh wait a second are you saying that doofenshmirtz is you know that guy i i really do hope not my gpu broke and this didn't fix it and she's pointing a gun at the gpu try pointing that gun out of repairman you'd get it fixed for free well i mean with that logic anything is free if you have a gun they got rid of the squirt gun but we can still do this two planes a crash thing and a tower yep alright i'm out my fiance just told me he has feelings for someone he met at work this week he's been working from home dang that girl must be good at hiding yes i am when someone steals your car but now the body in the trunk is their problem hey can can he steal my house too i'm not saying i got a lot of bodies in there but uh i definitely have a lot of bodies in there you are offered 10 million dollars to screw around with the physical manifestation of your username do you accept why or why not huggable octopus i feel i indirectly fit here but i'm not happy about it octopus on fire well at least yours is huggable japan is going to allow scientists to create human animal hybrids ah yeah imagine half people half pig hybrids one part sexy and the other part just some human okay just jimmy you should probably take a little break from reddit i can't believe a hundred percent of people upvoted this uh it's terrible nothing is ever black and white skunks are and so are newspapers penguins old movies oreos zebras dalmatians killer whales oh and don't forget michael jackson oh they schooled you they just schooled you cara i'm sorry a lot of things are made in black and white call me carson why do you have so many u2s of yourself lmao you should put her in the jar why is everyone so weird why is everybody gotta be weird and cursed come on can't we just be wholesome girls of reddit what's the female equivalent of trying to hide a boner when you're on your period and you feel a giant blob of dark blood aggress and now you hope it absorbs into the pad and not stain your clothes ah yes giving birth to a jellyfish ah just just take your awards and go handsome scar handsome mufasa jesus christ sometimes i regret dying for your sins as you should jesus as you should empty all liquids here can't stop thinking about the airport juice jungle imagine you nut down there and nine months later a juice man comes out no no i'm not i'm not gonna imagine that what's wrong with you oh now i'm forced to imagine it just a giant wet man comes out of it i'm juice man [Laughter] guy accidentally shoots himself in the face after bullet ricochets off of armadillo armadillo more like carmadillo that was a really lame joke i kinda thought it was funny but i'm gonna boo with the rest of the crowd i secretly enjoy the puns but you gotta stop bro i was listening to pumped up kicks in my class and my earbuds unplugged and everyone looked at me in fear i laughed so hard my gun almost fell out of my pocket whoa dang they had us in the first half i'm not gonna lie anonymous testicle checking booth debuts in new zealand everyone's gangster until a knife pops out of the hole can you imagine somebody just sticking a knife out of there like oh you're lucky i almost caught you slipping ksi says the only one that can cancel you is you louis replies to ksi you've cancelled like eight babies oh what you didn't have to bring it there bro oh dang i really hope this guy's name is richard no it definitely would make sense anyone else want to stomp on his head like a freaking mario brothers i mean he does look like a mushroom i mean it would only be right i can imagine someone seeing him down the street and they're like this is what all these years of video gaming has trained me for closing your eyes for just another two minutes after your alarm goes off and waking up 25 years later married with three kids and a dog why would you marry three kids and a dog at the same time you know what they say the more the merrier women with bigger butts give birth to smarter children according to a study from am i the only one who's curious about megamind's mom her dummy thick cheeks clapped hard enough to create a black hole that destroyed their planet is this the lore is that the lore for megamind now i don't want to live in a world where this is right hello all right call yeah boy oh bye my voice is doing the thing i gotta get the camera out my 14 year old daughter just screamed f and slammed her bedroom door after learning she'll be menstruating every month or so for the next 30 to 40 years and i can't blame her a bit just say no to menstruation it's your body and your choice i know right i wish more women understood this i've been holding in my period for eight months now my stomach's getting a bit big but it's better than menstruating uh who's gonna tell her the four horsemen of learning how long a minute actually is holding your breath exercising loading screens and microwaving food don't forget the try not to come challenge seriously who let this troll back here seriously dude just take your awards and go minecraft sleeping rules now apply in real life everyone in your family must sleep in order for everyone to sleep who's keeping everyone up imagine you live alone and you go to sleep and nothing happens you cannot rest now there are monsters in your area you know i've always wondered what would happen if we slept like in minecraft that would be so scary if that was actually a thing a tweet from god 2020 ha ha six months down three to go please don't give me hope honestly i'll take anything just as long as 2020 ends pride listerine to wash the dick out of your mouth i mean hey that'll be useful for somebody good morning to anyone who is awake how tough are you after i finish fapping i watch the rest of the video oh oh right this way sir impressive those nickelodeon shows last a while 15 minutes sometimes yo hold up who's jerking it to like spongebob or our fairly oddparents or god forsakes blues clues like calm down bill gates said i will always choose a lazy person to do a difficult job because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it what's a real life example of this my brother gave my oldest nephew ten dollars a week if he did all his chores without needing to be told or complaining one day he gets home from work and sees the neighbor's kid tossing a bag in the trash he asked him what he's doing and the kid said he gets five bucks a week to take care of a few chores my nephew outsourced his chores outsourcing and child labor this kid's destined to be a nike ceo one day [Laughter] sad but true who the f let my grandma get on facebook rope victims must notify their ropes before getting an abortion in arkansas i would notify him with a loaded 45 i support gun grandma you go granny aw man i just failed no poop november oh never mind i was able to put it back what can i say except delete this but did they put it back up their butt or eat it the dark side of the force is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be unnatural feminist we can do anything that a man can do men observe how would a woman do this like on one boob more like on the baby i mean i could see a pregnant woman doing that it's not too far outside of the capabilities of women i'm just saying there should be an olympic where athletes can take as many drugs as they want like effort let's see how high humans can really jump lay olympics yeah new participants each year everyone gets a chance yeah there'd have to be new participants each year because every other person would die rick astley meeting prince diana in 1988 they have a lot in common one hit and it was over john f kennedy with a little bit of a hole in his head ah yes the most open-minded president i was not prepared for technically the truth and cursed commas to come together this is weird you are offered 10 million dollars to screw around with a physical manifestation of your username do you accept why or why not my own grandfather at least i'll be getting paid this time oh that's dark i why is your username my own grandfather you brought this on yourself man i just dumped a package of fruit snacks into my mask at work and i'm eating them slowly like a horse i love the pandemic people are freaking dying man which means more fruit snacks for the rest of us oh this is our slash brand new sentence no wonder no wonder i can't keep up with these sentences customer tells me their whole life story and detail me dang that's crazy your total is 13 30. my grandma just died speaking of old bags would you like paper or plastic you're a jerk man kids want to be batman adults want to be bruce wayne i want to be bruce wayne's parents uh smite might you feeling good man we can always get you the help you need but that just aspiring to be bruce wayne's parents i mean that's not even like i don't want to be living anymore that's like i want to be shot in an alleyway in front of my kid that's that's that's on some hardcore stuff cows making milk for their babies humans our milk what is this logo thing can please tell it's the international peace symbol you know you can put this symbol like on your house on your car you know just go out wearing it you know it means peace totally nothing else only a real pedo should voice herbert shouldn't be hard to find one in hollywood i mean you're not lying i mean it's sad but it's very much true yeah jesus is cool but is he red not until you peel him when this goes on r slash curse comments i want buzz lightyear next to me oh would you look at that he got his wish good for this guy even though everybody who's reading cursed comments is like feeling bad i'm glad this guy got his wish your dating preferences are discriminatory don't want to stick my hand into a cookie jar just to grab a pickle i really hate this analogy but i gotta admit the idea of reaching your hand into a cookie jar and grabbing a pickle it's kind of hilarious woman hates selfie and decides to photograph herself dead all over the world imagine if somebody kills her and keeps posting the pictures we would have no idea without saying their name what is your favorite pokemon the one that has so much corn of it do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down oh the internet's a sick place like how you gonna make corn out of oddish like come on the internet's a sick place man that's all i gotta say watching corn and eating breakfast is amazing i agree no need for milk i know right it's wonderful wait a second what a former power ranger has been using his stuntman training to rob homes in japan you either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain was it the black ranger i get it because we follow a narrative of black people committing crimes hahaha hey [ __ ] you let's keep going why does baby yoda have completely different eyes than he does when he's an adult uh puberty you know how people's baby teeth fall out oh wow you know thank you for equally awful answers are they implying that baby yoda's eyes are gonna fall out and like just turn into new ones that's a terrible thought like i'd rather you just not answer the question professionals have standards mom don't let your feet hang off the bed or the monster will eat them me hangs butt off the bed monster it'd be like the one criticism of the butt it's freaking raw yeah i'm a simp as in registered sex offender hey where do you get registered someone please help i've been trying to get registered for years now gamer who fought isis thanks call of duty for his combat skills the media i'll ignore that you know i just camped the respawn that was a maternity hospital hey man a kill is a kill when you're trying to be cute but you gotta make everything sexual boop ah you boot my nose oh stop step owner what are you doing ah come on okay we get that the caption was bad but you just made it worse swordfish dangerous fast quick with its sword and apex predator soon to be endangered by the superior gunfish oh yes the gunfish apparently it travels in schools oh that's clever oh this is a very creepy picture roses are red that's a lot of plaster the children are fast but the sea lion's faster woman goes blind after getting her eyeballs tattooed the tattoo artist is facing prison for severely disabling the woman i mean tattooing your eyes and she didn't see this coming i don't think she can see anything coming well at least not anymore pregnant girl 14 absolutely terrified of giving birth but insist boyfriend 10 years old whoa 10 years old for a boyfriend oh okay that's kind of crazy we'll help raise the baby he's gonna sell the kid to buy fortnite skins i mean seeing how the kid is 10 i really wouldn't put it past him friend it's a short trip only pack what you need me alright then come along doggo yeah that's why i'm not taking the kids with me hold up i'm getting bullied by an anti-vaxxer heartbroken emoji [Laughter] man just sneeze on them oh i mean you could always do it nobody's gonna stop you they don't have the balls to store the pee what do you think the boobs are for wait then that means breastfeeding is the sacred juice me after walking to the principal's office after throwing a peanut butter sandwich at the allergy table and getting a 20 kill streak [Laughter] oh man you're like i know what i did but hey it was pretty awesome wasn't it when you were able to see the core structure of the twin towers before the sunset now you can just see right through them no matter the time of day is this even legal bible study imagine going to bible study with one of these and your pastor walks up to you and whispers hey where can i get one of those it would be even funnier if the pastor had no idea what the logo was modeled after and he like unironically wore it everywhere it would be pretty funny corporations removing their pride logos at midnight tonight see you in hell you stupid fruit whoa gosh okay that's not very nice at all call me a fruit one more time i might turn you into a vegetable whoa that's that's a derogatory term you call me a fruit one more time i might turn you into a vegetable you better watch out i'm a bit confused pro science pro health anti-vaccine i'd still hit it not too ugly and if the condom breaks i won't be stuck with child support for too long negative two up votes why are you booing him he's right hold the f up oh my gosh guys look at this old woman she's like totally sleeping in a restaurant update oh my god she died i am so sorry snapchat i guess you could say she was dead tired no you can't say that in fact i'm calling the joke police on you a beautiful ballerina dancing oh harold cover your eyes she keeps doing her routine and uh you're not wearing your underwear plot twist she did that on purpose bigger plot twist he did that on purpose blursed interspecies relationship imagine her poor vagina i'd rather not thank you childbirth must have been so much easier for her compared to the conception of the child no thanks i'm a vegetarian it's a fun thing to say when someone hands you their baby yeah unless their baby is a vegetable then it's even more funny if you could only drink one thing for the rest of your life not water what would you pick scarlett johansson's pee that just might be better than water oh please delete this i don't know why people think kids learning about gay relationships in schools will turn them gay i learned about world war ii but i'm yet to invade poland key word yet yeah don't get it twisted benjamin will one day invade poland just not today so if you're watching this from poland just know you're safe for now anyways everyone that's our time i hope you enjoyed this episode of r slash curse comments if you liked this video make sure to support the channel by pressing the subscribe button and the notification bell at the bottom to be notified of all our easy peasy uploads and if you really enjoyed this video make sure to leave a like down below but anyways i'm your host david the baker and i will see you in the next video peace out and three thumbs up

Channel: EzPz

Views: 1,249,994

Rating: 4.9173722 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/cursedcomments, r/cursedcomments top posts, cursed comments, r/cursedcomments ezpz, reddit comments, blessed comments, emkay, ezpz, ez pz

Id: ZxROKLSImHU

Length: 22min 27sec (1347 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 07 2020