r/CursedComments · put mentos in it

daredevil who wanted to prove earth is flat dies after crashing homemade rocket the earth is splat how's it going everyone and welcome back to easy peasy my name is Zack and today we're taking a look at our slash cursed comments so I got my first tattoo home job why did you get the Star of David tattooed on you you never strike me as a religious person it's a pentagram Penta has five points yours is six which makes it the Star of David I'm sorry what guess I'll be Jewish if this were 1938 you could have kept the gas I'll die Jesus Christ not too far from the truth nine hundred people get the whole world wants to wear surgical masks thirty million people had but still nobody wants to wear a condom you won't get it if you're sitting in a bus or a public place now with that attitude what is the most awkward moment to get during an autopsy especially if you're supposed to be the corpse dirt sticks to sweat deep scars don't regenerate with sweat glands so that stirred doesn't stick to it so if I get a deep scar on my balls and my balls won't sweat my boyfriend ejaculated a kidney stone into my hole I'm keeping it there little coochie pearl well their baby's gonna have a little ball to play with at least everyone during the French Revolution the dead body in my bathtub can relate wait what this chicken is entirely black from big de Beaune this man rubbed his face lovingly on that beam you see when you throw your girl on the bed trying to be sexy but she hits her head and dies I see this as an absolute win if God loves me why can't I get a big goth girl gf God was the big goth girl GF all along Bill Gates hands you his credit card and says grab me a Snickers and get something for yourself what are you buying plus you get to say bill here's your Snickers I got myself 100 grand then pull out the bar with a cheeky smile and then he laughs and I laugh too then he gets a twinkle in his eyes and starts twirling his hair with his finger while he bites his lower lip knowing his body language says it's okay for me to kiss him I lean in and burp liver and onions Val then run away screaming ah I just realized how much of a pain it must have been to give birth to Phineas yeah that's a tortilla on a toilet paper roll this is an amazing idea I can have breakfast for lunch tasty brown bean tortilla wraps thanks I hate bus with legs the legs on the bus go step step step the nose on the bus can smell your fear smell your fear smell your fear the eyes on the bus can see your soul all the way down sessional have standards my apartments pest control guy always refers to Richie my cat as a fellow industry professional my plumber always refers to my poopy but is its permanent employment insurance woman sentenced to ten years for making false rape allegations the worst part is she had some poor guy hanging on her wall frozen in carbonite I get in cartoons when my mom walks in subtitle coochie getting destroyed by huge hero without a cape pollinator back completely full of pollen thanks buddy good job forbidden cheeto casual sex implies the existence of ranked competitive sex it's called the sex offenders registry when it's almost summer and all the annoying creatures are showing up again at least they can smack them all to death oh no D up father Eric keep talking smack Jamaal in Jesus name I'll break those Eagles Father Son and the Holy Cross up remember that time Jesus got crossed so hard he died will you press the button you get to spend time with your crush but you can't tell anyone else I already spend time with her and no one knows not even her oh that's okay so my little brother has a friend who plays in the black metal band he and the van were going into the woods and taking a photo for the cover album but just in that photo was taken our little friends slid in the snow here's the result my sleep paralysis demon droning in my nuts likes oh no you've heard of Mother Nature now get ready for daddy he's got a point this deer was struck by an arrow but survived leading to its ribcage growing around the arrow if the deer survived why the Frick am I looking at its ribcage this deer had his ribcage extracted from its body but it survived leading the deer to be able to suck his own ding-dong so while being naked from the waist down I made eye contact with my boyfriend I lifted my leg to fart and said I push a little too hard and just on the floor like a freaking dog will make you icons I grew this before man if the boyfriend freaked out and ran I will gladly take his place I like when a woman asserts dominance by marking your territory okay Dennis you don't use the public dipping tray public dipping tray my ex-wife's nickname please I'm begging you can they please make a dishwasher with a transparent door I want to see what's going on in there they don't want you to see the thousands of tongues why are you like this are you religious I'd like to introduce you to my religion what's your religion I'm interested that dog is getting Morris to my previous family generation I hate using plastic so I pick up my dog's crap with my bed hands I wish more people would actually care about the earth but then you got to throw it in the trash that uses plastic bags just eat it like me bro selling my cow he ain't mood yet I think you Spanish please tell me he doesn't try to milk the dog I have a cursed erection right now son help poor Dora Dora will explore you sport peepee jokes on them I'm here to take a dump in the urinal dude if you want to see a 4.5 billion year old space rock just look down you're hurling through space on one of those right now yeah but people crapping all over it for free earth is so lucky I wish I was shed on I remember once my dad gave me enough money to pay the electricity bill but instead I bought a raffle ticket for a brand new car when I got home I explained to my dad what I did and he beat the crap out of me but the next day when my dad woke up and opened the door outside my house was a brand new car we all cried especially me because the car was from the electricity company they were there to cut off the electricity my dad beat the Cobo to me again Ellen is the best me on Ellen so I heard you like fallout 4 yeah new killer sirens go off in the distance oh my god Ellen you didn't sir I heard you want to be Batman of my folks oh god no kazuhisa Hashimoto the programmer who created the legendary Konami code passed away last night he must have entered it wrong it's supposed to give you extra lives oh you guys always act like you're better than me they all taste the same I'm breaking up with you what why because all you ever talk about is frickin video games babe please this is such a stupid thing to fall out for freaking video games interesting Austria bands all gatherings of more than 5 people families of six so that means the seven kids my basement have to go oh come on that's the nut I busted and chair Noble how did you get all the way out here buddy we want back in father Turkish fans fake-ass Stadium fight to deliver birthday cake to an unsuspecting policeman imagine doing this for a firefighter boo boo and so it begins I believe I have but don't want treatment for fear of quarantine how should I go about self treatment and not infecting others essential oils by the gallon taken anally via fire hose purist surgeon refuses to operate surgery robot with anything but GameCube controller professionals have standards Hey look mom I got my first kill Pikachu you slam rip so he ripped up his foreskin we would see a two feet long veiny thick juicy schlong I hate that I had to read that out loud whatever that would have thought this was the new fantastic beasts movie resistance when you kill someone so the police provides you with food a room in a gym for 20 years for free and free sex don't forget that Ozzy man reviews gender reveal fails the last time I revealed my gender in public I got arrested what is your greatest wish I just want to punch God in the face this kid's going places not heaven for sure but places finally a good Cork for my toll it costs you nothing not to say that it's true imagine how freaking angry the rat that controls Gordon Ramsay must be all the time well yeah Ramsay doesn't wear a hat so the rat has to control him using his hairs I'm sure you'd be mad too if you had to smell a British man swaps all day to waving children please wait back what if I don't if you don't wave then they appear in your rear view mirror as they're sitting in your back seat but when you look back it's your grandma fingering yourself that's not where I thought that was going imagine pooping in just the pin comes out we're gonna die in a freakin gulag but man it'll be worth it murki the most annoying sounds in class the last one is a solution to the other three oh it do be like that me pushes the shower handle five centimeters expecting the shower to not be too hot the shower dude I just netted a massive load at school everyone's looking at me should I just show the pic so everyone nuts and I don't stand out anymore what the hell what are your kids doing during social distancing they're hanging out oh I asked this man if you needed help you replied that he was waiting for his wife so he could scare her he wants to give her a heart attack and collect two life insurance money it finally happened the flight attendant asked is there a doctor on this flight and I left up and said yes did a tracheotomy in a 30,000 feet with a razor blade in a ballpoint pen he didn't make it but the thrill was undeniable thinking of going to doctor school now she went from zero to 100 real quick there harpy probably went from a hundred to zero real quick that guy seems happy AF I'd be happy if I were to have sex with a woman in an open field without anyone around to help her excuse me what hey bro nice what was she doing there she has a german circus is using Holograms instead of live animals for a cruelty-free magical experience and it's cool it's just not the same without the cruelty okay but I want to go to that circus though WTF there's no other instance of this image on the internet according to Google where in God's name did you find this home only humans are excited boo oops other mammals humans oh yes man dem horse and love slurping I'm divorced again I hate that I have to vocally say these out loud both are dogs one is a pet and the other one is the owner just like humans kpop album covers be like this bird it looks like a hentai protagonist so that's how IKEA gets their meatballs oh no what if mrs. incredible actually got a small booty but she keeps it perpetually stretched so that it just looks big if you had the ability to change the shape of your ass like that with that degree of control you could fart any note on command you could play an entire symphony after a plate of broccoli beef you would be able to literally sing or whistle out of your [ __ ] with vibrato you could use your butt to do a single person do it with your mouth could you just not how to delete someone else's common eat Jessica's family I already ate her family I'm coming for Jessica now cuz she stole nothing cuz she is innocent of this crime damn it Kishida I told you to stop following the kids this photo made me laugh harder than I probably should have the doctor after I pee in that little cup the moment the doctor finds out you have kidney stones crunch ABC just showed a picture of a soldier fighting Isis in a Kobe Jersey imagine hearing somebody yell Kobe in the distance as the rocket comes at you did you shoot down a helicopter oh no I blank I'm getting a tattoo voluntarily on January 2nd 2019 so that I can earn my wife's trust back for the pain and suffering I have caused in our marriage I am a liar cheater manipulator deceiver or prostitute lover dishonest and disrespectful I have a very similar tattoo except mine says I'll have two number 9's a number nine large a number six with extra dip a number seven two number forty-fives one wit cheese and a large soda I want a bouncy house at my funeral and I want to be in it too when all my friends jumped my lifeless body will jump with them what fun it's all fun and games until your bloated corpse it's a little too hard and ruptures covering your friends in your partially digested last meal new adventure let's go first enemy let's get him shook welcome to Dark Souls poor link poor link into what the blender sometimes then I'm too lazy to get up and moisturize my lips I just stick a finger and my coochie to use it like Vaseline what a freaking nightmare you people are Jesus Satan so you tell me she gets free lipstick once a month Oh huh lizards can't be sexy I bet you feel dumb right now my god that's six little I'm not saying that hallucinating Florida man swing sledgehammer at demons damaging several homes including his own I don't know what he could have mistaken for demonic activity it's not like there is an altar drenched and blood exactly 13 feet down a hidden trapdoor my shed said forth all the soul render a local resident consent condom requires four hands to open making powerful statement about consent what if I'm an amputee you're freaked wait never mind I like the one who wants to be dominated wants to be dominated will dominate you will ask you to be gentle make chicken what does big chicken do Mik LUN you let me put a Mentos in and see if it explodes no pretended to add my number into this obnoxious guy's phone all I did was at his mom's contact hope she likes pick some booty calls Oh thick hippo table I want it I like them big I like them chunky I like him raw the monkey no thirst interview where the F is my mom on my plate where she belongs murderer any last words me thanks murderer huh why would I thank myself Oh No if I microwave my head will I get superpowers hey you never know if you don't try thanks notch violent sex offender captured I'd let them offend me wait when your teachers say he will call your parents but you're an orphan pulls that a freakin Ouija board Uranus our anus you can fit 53 Earth's inside 54 if you relax 2020 outfit of the month January February March spoiler alert April is just a coffin when someone prays of socialism owl expert hear that owl is in fact orgasming is that Alf Appetit to Bernie Sanders I am once again asking for your comb what is the stupidest thing your parents did on the Internet became verified on pornhub oh I eat peanuts before I suck ding dong so my throat closes up for a tighter grip just don't forget to give me my EpiPen when you finish choose wisely you have been visited by the permit Crabbe you may do one bad thing today whew drag his body out of closet to the cow's udder is actually a pig where was its head how to out Pizza the Hut and Domino's but better don't forget that you just gave me your address Josh good good creator though end videos very good if you got to pick one video game that you would live in for the rest of your life what game would you pick and why all right who the f wish for plague inc high pressure cleaning did you mean pleasure a normal conversation cannibal we'll both solve world hunger and overpopulation and if you are eating the poor it will solve poverty oh no after two years of failing to make a real baby last month we got these two fur babies tonight I found out I'm pregnant good job dog oh wait a minute a man named a Chen zai spends every weekend of his life at the Nanjing Yangtze River Bridge the world's number one suicide site and saves people from jumping he has saved 144 people from killing themselves so far because that's what heroes do it's no longer considered suicide if he pushes them off Oh homie got stuck in the handrail and everybody came out to take pictures instead of helping him out what are you doing stub bro when the porn is loading and you see a reflection on the screen but you also see your phone let's find you I told you not to start without me my penis though your penis is removable the sheath is his foreskin I swear I can hear rule 34 artist laughing suspiciously in the background seeing a ruler in your son's bedroom seeing markings at 9 inches realizing that he was using it backwards realizing it's lubed oh I make sandwiches for my students who can't afford breakfast during finals everyone like to that yeah but why on pornhub for the peanut I'm starting to wonder what the sandwiches are made of now especially since this is on pornhub bathroom with a glass floor over abandoned elevator shaft imagine just taking a dump and someone manages to get into the old elevator shaft and they look up you like Oh first graders after taking shots of Gatorade from the bottle kept the OL antifreeze swap always gets him oh no time to buy a new sister me listen to a song my sister oh this is a tick tock song they stole it from taking me I'm not a child murderer but if you're buying a new sister can I have the old one she's dead remember still good god I hate these two casually approached child how do you do fellow kid step three take the skeleton to add to yours whoa wait I don't have anything left to strip what happens now skid remove thy flesh foolish bear infinite money glitch in sixteen hundreds buy yourself a cheap slave sell its organs patched by Abraham Lincoln in 1865 what does that mean by patched I've been using this one for years Oh Richard what the hell are you doing I've been looking for you everywhere I could explain I don't want to hear your dumb excuses imagine how a sock feels watching its partner used as a come suck aroused this means so much more today bad news buddy you are now the softest thing in the house oh no me IRL I sure do love pizza I hope nobody comes on it free ranch dressing how the Frick do you talk to girls walk up to them and press a oh I was pressing beep act weird the whole time could be worse imagine you pressed extra stealth kill toilet paper shortage alternatives number three escalator handrail make sure you don't take too long and all the crap gets stuffed back up here North Korea confirms it has landed a man on the Sun NASA scientists it might seem crazy what I'm about to say well America landed the Sun on Japan a lot of years ago so good on their level whew expert mode easy mode sandpaper Hell mode canvas equals creative mode bare hands survival mode cat + block equals [ __ ] / plus cubed equals pube thank you for coming to my TED talk you're not welcome hey bro I'm so sorry I'm sorry to hear about your mom skydiving accident I didn't know your mom was a Teletubby so why does it have a noose yeah was she hung as she jumped me I'm really excited about our date I've been saving up all week for it her that's so sweet of you but I really don't mind splitting the bill me I'm not talking about money we won't have dessert here I'll give you a cream pie at home Thomas has not explored this hole yet no please anything but the dog classifications of science if it responds it's biology if it reacts its chemistry if it resonates it's physics if she breathes she's a thought well that my girlfriend isn't the thought hold up no thoughts allowed once you read the cover with thoughts instead of girls that jump rope in her hand so it's looking really suspicious my co-workers got me a toaster for Christmas can't wait to go home and run an ice bath to test this sucker out at least it'll be used the way your co-workers intended oh I used to get Stephen Hawking and Tony Hawk confused what the f understandable they both loved ramps what a baby on board stickers a little faded and beat-up you know the kid is at least a year or two old now and the car is safe to RAM hold up guess he finally figured my trick out I gave my 91 year old grandpa two lightbulbs and he called it a lifetime supply now I'm sad at least he still has his humor tomber still one of the greatest photos of all time Tyler number 19 we sucked your ding-dong in high school do you remember us got butts it's not here do you know how sexy it is when he teases you in bed with a bird leaf girl you mean a feather love it when he licks my chest Mountains and shoves his urine cannon into my baby tunnel naked girl gets 500 likes in five minutes let's see how much a veteran can get depends on if he shows me your future self is talking crap about you joke's on him I'll freaking ruin his life joke's on him I'll freak his mom zootopia hey hey there Ian officer judy hopps zpd are you ready to make the world a better place I'm ready to kill myself great that's what we're all about here at the CPD please don't please don't please don't please don't please don't oh my god and well ladies and gentlemen just like that we have reached the end of our slash curse two comments thank you so much for watching if you enjoyed what you saw be sure to that subscribe button and the bell see get notified every time you zpz uploads and until the next one I'll see you around [Music]

Channel: EzPz

Views: 2,277,019

Rating: 4.933145 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, reddit top posts, reddit best posts, reddit top posts of all time, top posts of all time, top posts, best posts, posts, reddit posts, reddit funny, r/, subreddit, top all time, reddit true stories, r/cursedcomments, r/cursedcomments top posts, r/cursedcomments best posts, cursed comments, reddit cursed, reddit comments, ezpz, emkay, ez pz

Id: 59fuoWzRBcI

Length: 18min 35sec (1115 seconds)

Published: Sat Mar 28 2020