horrible histories deleted s5

Oh clue from Nile Valley games it's the Egyptian god Makar this is amazing what a great game yeah you score points by creating your own brand of new ancient Egyptian god hey look I got an odd marks head a dog's body and a lizard's tail I just created a brand new ancient Egyptian god guys 20 points now according to the rules papyrus that's not a new one that said ancient Egyptian god of the desert zero points bad luck but let's keep playing that definitely won't happen again okay my turn let's go crazy the crazy of the combination the more points you get so I've got a crocodiles head I've got a dog's body and I've got hippos legs 30 points yes I'm gonna call my brand-new ancient it's alright says in the rules that that's a MIDI the Soul Eater zero points again what are the chances of that maybe it's my turn okay fine I'm gonna have a lion's body eagle's wings and a woman's head anyone can see that's a sphinx okay okay how about this crocodiles tail Lions legs hippos head surely no that's Tarek goddess of fertility zero points right so the score at the end is nil nil nil great new from Nile Valley games it's the Egyptian god make a game where you can't actually score any points because any new combination you think of is almost certainly already a real Egyptian god this is literally the worst game ever played as recommended by mummies everywhere those really where all ancient Egyptian gods they had gods for everything the gods shoe was the god of wind now he should have had the hindquarters of a hippo what now that's all wind boring and almost as weird as Egyptian gods were Egyptian priests who used to perform religious magic oh thank goodness you're here they've been out control for hours I'm hoping you can calm down I love magicians O'Reilly magician I'm an ancient Egyptian priest what do you do magic yes religious magic Telegraph which is the truth I'm sure that's just as good feel free to start whenever you're ready well you know I usually only perform for the fairer eyes a nod and a sausage I mean how difficult can it children's body bait maybe show me an ordinary what part of you use your bag you look aside Lucas I don't touch hahaha you sir I give me the name of your a bird of you Bernie have yeah Bernie of um anemone give it up somebody don't like that's its arm could be anyone got me a teacher our teacher mr. foster mr. foster discover blossom any chance ha ha whoa I'm a professional mr. Foster Nega as written on a white pot yeah I'm gonna put it on the floor and hey presto you would like me to do the same for a dad Hayley magic so Hayley bet you got a headache yeah have a whiff of this oh it's done that will lure the demon from his sorrow hey I've got demon in my head a demon is gone she is cured spirit of the chaos serpent Apep is in the room did you evolve and it's making all the children Restless it's not you happen to be before oh you surprised me all right calm down sit down it will calm down I'm gonna drive away the chaos serpent all right but putting this charge with a demon's name on it into this bucket we can I just get my well I was gonna say fever I'll do know from Nile Valley games it's the Egyptian god maker extreme are cannot a limited edition yes with this new upgraded version you can make any Egyptian god from the time of the Pharaoh Akhenaton yes not so much okay I got the toilet son the middle of the Sun and the bottom of the Sun that's exactly what I had me too all the pieces are the same yes the Pharaoh Akhenaton only believes in one God so that's all you get the Egyptian god maker extreme Akhenaten limited edition it's my lord again this is rubbish I hate it I still like it what's wrong with you Trevor the Egyptian god maker extreme Akhenaten is a limited-edition because the Egyptian people hated him and is one God almost as much as you're gonna hate this game rotten Romans dominus tell me it's not true must be the great Virgil must be dead no the gods would not rob us of Rome's greatest poet look around my friend the entire mansion is given over to a funeral the scale of which I've never seen the gardens are filled with mourners there's a full orchestra what of poor Virgil's wife she must be devastated losing her husband and about to lose her house her house yes the government plan to confiscate all property belonging to rich people and give it to war veterans she will lose this place for sure uh you're forgetting the loophole if there's a burial plot on the land the government can't touch it so by being buried in his garden Virgil has ensured that this mansion remains within the family he always was so very considerate what a writer a greatest poet of our time don't forget my beautiful eyes we thought you were dead no don't think so then why is there a massive funeral taking place in your heart it's Freddie Eddy a tragic loss and a great friend ours we'd spend together me watching him vomit up stomach acid over some discarded fruit or sitting on a dog poo in the local park well it sounds charming oh he was I've even written a whole series of poems as a tribute to read out at the ceremony oh it's the coffin um this Eddy seems a little little oh no he was a strapping lad you know for a housefly housefly yes the best one I ever met I forgot it was an open casket this entire funeral is for a house flower no and this has nothing to do with the government's plan to take the property from rich people yes it's not this entire funeral an elaborate con to have a burial plot on your land so the government can't take it well it depends if you guys are gonna go blabbing to any senators we are sown as his mate he was like a brother to me a tiny tiny brother it's true Roman poet Virgil really did host a lavish funeral for a fly as a cheeky way of stopping the government from giving his land to war veterans I'm actually a fly funeral now he just doesn't know it yet this week on hysterical wife swap it's 1067 and an ordinary anglo-saxon couple are doing a wife swap with some posh Normans who've recently invaded England so how are the locals get on with the new arrivals mrs. peasant what an honor this is for you to meet me I am Baron Norman longsword baron because I am a baron Norman because I am Norman and long sword because well I think you can work it out welcome to our village you mean my village Williams a conqueror gave it to me with surrounding land as a reward for helping him becomes a conqueror of England what are you staring at yo mister she said on your forehead oh no no we Norman's like to shave our air so it doesn't get caught up in the chainmail we don't want to look stupid you still staring at it it looks great thank you so how are things getting on in the anglo-saxon house hello you found us alright then it was easy I just followed my nose sorry what you staring out I've got some food in my mustache again oh no no I just dropped some deadly nightshade in my eyes why would you put poison in your eyes till you're good the problem is I can't see so very well Oh No meanwhile chez Madame Norman is very impressive it's not bad for temporary accommodation right we just stuck it up here until we find somewhere to build a nice big castle with walls made of stone stone walls I'm in my cows with wooden pig poo well don't worry they'll soon know how to make walls of stone they're going to build my castle hi no don't worry we're Payson and Xin takes the money back and acts like these foreigners with a strange ways coming over here stealing our lands it's not we've been invaded Oh we have been invaded meanwhile lady Norman is trying to explain the basics of the Norman klas system Williams a conifer is it certain obviously we anglo-saxons had a king once Harold yes sorry but Sir I see hmm below here come super Holmes like my husband just like our own below sucks oh no we below zoom comes a knight or fight for the BA Hons so they're a bit like King Harald's house cold we below them come this house there's no bottom and where am I in all these Joseph you do realize you just represented me with horse what well it turns out that everything I used to own is now owned by the Normans my house my livestock my wife even me it makes me so angry you know I thought vandalizing some of their property the wife swap is at an end and it's time for the Normans and the anglo-saxons to settle their differences well me and the missus have been thinking long and hard about this and we were wondering if you two would consider uninviting well funny you should say that because we think a move would be a good idea we've decided to flatten your slash my village and build a stone castle right here so you need to move go ahead leave Inza Felice do something when you're not building our castle holy Sh we can hunt the forest wavebands laughs from unting so know it now carries the death penalty it has been lovely to meet you I hope we cannot get enough it was the Normans who established the feudal system which was to be the basis of society in the Middle Ages at the bottom of the pecking order were the serfs the peasants then came the Knights then the Barons then the king there on the very top the rats one of those things isn't entirely accurate I'm not telling you which [Music] repitch three baits to a four-pitch very good sir fur boots puppets going going gone sold to the man with the icicle on the end of his nose there you go mate one pair of recently deceased comrades boots you won't be needing them anymore that's great I could do with a new pair okay item two one very lovely warm shirt one not very careful owner do I hear a penny hang on hello lads if I'm not mistaken looks like new supplies have just arrived praise have been answered and my hands are frozen together the clothes of dead comrade sir we've run out of all our supply so there's no food no cold and the tents have been using they're so old they were used at Battle of Waterloo forty years ago yes I heard that's why I brought 17 wagons piled high with provisions thick tents cold one clove tasty food and plenty of fine wine oh you bought some gloves sir course I did yeah Jenkins is that coat you wanted will soon get this go on the fire will yes what are you doing these provisions on for you that for me sorry for you 17 wagons for yes just 17 I know how to pack light and you won't these were for you wait till I tell the offices after our five-course meal in my nice warm tent hilarious oh that's not good I can see you're all upset I almost feel bad I don't I don't feel bad and I must be able to spare something I suppose ah how about this barn of chalky oh thank you very much sir this will come in very handy you can use this of fuel six on fire will you Hey we could cook up these frozen sausages um I think those are my fingers sir these are the ours then the Crimean War was brutal and bloody and pretty much the only good thing to come out of it was the fashion for furry faces when you're in the Crimean War you probably don't have a razor and you certainly don't have time to use it so why not forget about shaving altogether with the new Crimean no blade no shade solution you don't shave clothes and then you don't shave closer still leaving you with thick bushy sideburns and a great big hair in the starship it keeps you warm in the freezing Crimean winter and it's a great place to store food mmm last night's chicken or maybe last week's beef and if anyone says they don't like it well you may not have a razor but you do have this razor sharp sword oh no oh no no no no and when you finally get home after years of fighting your wife will love it too who you your husband don't worry it'll grow on her it grew on me so if you've got a lack of races and a lack of time maybe you should try the new Crimean no blade no shape solution the best and then can't get trouble some 20th century there was a race between America and Russia or the Soviet Union as it was then known to be the first to send a man into space and no one was more determined to win there than the Soviet leader Khrushchev [Music] and this is our state-of-the-art computer it is amazing how small they make them nowadays hmm so tell me comrade scientist how was latest space mission pleased to announce rocket Sputnik 9 make successful orbit of Earth this is cosmonaut we send on trip even debandmitch congratulations he's dummy I knew that we sent even to test if rocket travels safe for human ha so now Soviet Union win space race and so stupid Americans that they are dummies I make joke so we now know a dummy can survive spaceflight but is it possible for living creature to also survive good question or later of the peoples yes please to test if rocket travel safe for living creature we need guinea pig so we use guinea pig ah guinea pig return home safe so we send a dog tanishka very well trained dog to get him to return from space we simply say down boy leave the furnace to me ok yes I'm sorry so no Soviet Union is ready to beat United States and be first country to send a real human man into space yes no maybe one day it's very dangerous would be like driving car off cliff no I want to send man now into space right now who's it going to be [Music] [Music] what fiveaces that's impossible can't believe you teach it good job I've got six aces I keep telling you nobody cheats death when will you ever learn next and you are empedocles ancient Greek philosopher tell us a bit about your life then snoring Cleese competi Cleese yeah that's what I said well I used to write my ideas in verse oh good grief what could be worse sorry couldn't resist so tell us a bit about your philosophy then not if you're just gonna take the mickey oh no I'm genuinely interested okay well it's centered around the elements earth air fire and water oh listen to it all if only it was shorter sorry I'm done no more rhymes cross my heart and hope to well too late for that ancient Greek first didn't even rhyme actually it was all about scansion longer syllables and shorter syllables take the heroic hexameters of Homer's The Iliad for example all alternatively we could not do that come on get on with it just tell us his stupid death I wanted to prove to my followers that I was immortal as you do and I lived on the island of Sicily which is famous for its volcano Mount Etna I believed that if I was consumed by the fire of the volcano that I would return as a god so I jumped in and did you come back as a god not yet of being immortal and peda Cleese did boast but the stupid philosopher ended up toast but it's actually very good I'm on fire tempest it you're through to the afterlife mate see you creature meaning later I know next to protect against a persian invasion lots of greek cities formed an alliance together called the Delian League ladies and gentlemen good evening welcome to Athens six red boxes an awful lot of money this is Delian or No Deal I'm your host Pericles this is the game show that celebrates the Delian League of Greek city-states who are invested in a joint Greek army let's meet our first contestant oh I'm half a Cleese from the Dodecanese Islands ever please what do you want to get out of tonight I want to get my money back we all do we gave you all our money Pericles to fund a joint army to defend against a Persian attack and the Persians aren't attacking so we'd like our money back please let's see all the money left from the Delian League Treasury which is all of you gathered here today that has been put into these boxes all you need to do is pick a box so let's play Delian or No Deal okay for my lucky number so I am gonna start with four please yes good luck half a city of Ephesus helps you get your money back as we hope to get ours back I've got a good feeling about this and I'm always right Oh actually thinking about it it might have been a bad feeling and I'm usually wrong yes I'm sorry okay that's tide luck what we need to do now is we need to pick another box okay really hope this works out for you get your money back and we all do two Koreas crossed okay nothing in both of them Wow Sofia laughs what's in the oars Oh what my knee well let's see the last one awkward we gave you everything there can't be nothing left Pericles you did you gave us a fortune we needed somewhere nice and safe to keep that so we spent the money on a massive ornate temple called the bother nan okay great let's go to the Parthenon and get it back then right well it's just that we spent all the money building the Parthenon say yes you're saying you spent all of our money building somewhere to keep all our money yes sir but that's okay that there's no money left because you yourself said there's no Persian invasion on the horizon right there the banker let's see what he wants ah now it would appear that we have been invaded by Sparta apparently they feel threatened by our Delian League tell you what though now is a very good time to raise money for an army oh you are kidding you've got a nice big Parthenon to keep it in so look at the time yeah [Music]

Channel: Chris Iven

Views: 93,974

Rating: 4.9534206 out of 5

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Id: heYSgTcwfTk

Length: 23min 51sec (1431 seconds)

Published: Thu May 21 2020