Horrible Histories - The Measly Middle Ages | Compilation

[Music] good shot your majesty I missed you idiot well that's only because that cowardly dear refuse to stay still good point Lord Gerald will call that one a hit of course you're on Form today your majesty that's the third cowardly animal you've heroically almost hit well what can I say I'm a natural the rest of us would fare a little better if we split up yes good idea Lord Carroll you're the finest doctor in England you're with me the rest of you do what you like go along dear all coming [Music] did you hear that sounded like the king being shot no the king being shot would be more of a No I appear to have accidentally shot the King yes this day each of us must do our duty and ensure that his Majesty's earthly remains are attended to in a manner befitting his royal stature what well with the king to head a nobody on the throne I'll be looting in rebellion I'm off to protect my land actually I'm gonna go too do not worry your majesty those selfish fools may have abandoned you but a true friend would never leave such a brave and noble wait a sec I've got land to protect to wait for me wait for me bring the cart you're a believer I've found I'm a crusader sworn to win back Jerusalem from the Saracen Muslims slaughtering them in the name of Christianity it's hard dirty work that's why when I go on a crusade I always bring along an old crone she might just be an ugly old woman I kidnapped from my village but old crone can wash out even the toughest of stains we compared enslaving an old crone to not bothering to wash and just look at the difference take old crone along with you on your crusade and she'll comb those nits out of your hair she'll even wash it too now if a Saracen cuts my head off I know it'll look lovely [Music] and that's not all old crone will even find food and cook it for you and when there's a food shortage old crone really comes into her own old crone you'll wonder how you ever survived on a crusade without one warning old crone is very old and may not even survive the journey always read the label you guys have to back me up okay yes we're right behind you yes good morning sir we were just wondering I was just wondering if possibly we would like a pay rise I'm sorry I thought you just said you wanted a pay rise I did we want more money and better working conditions is this some sort of peasant joke that I'm too rich to understand no no it's just thanks to this terrible plague sweeping the country as peasants are dropping like flies those of us who are left are getting quite valuable valuable indeed but rubbish really some some of us have had some rather tempting offers from other local Knights in the area so now you listen to me you grubby little commoner you'll work my fields for pittance and you'll be thankful otherwise I'll throw you off my land and give your job to what that one called that's he'll fill your job will go to fill got it hmm maybe not feel it's just died of plague otherwise I'll give your job too I want to say Raja I'll give your job to Raja understood it's like I was telling you healthy reliable peasants are increasingly hard to find how Crone is what this man says true I'll take that as a yes so would now be a good time to start discussing the new terms of my employment okay fine but you better not go dropping dead of plague after this oh no sir you don't need to worry about me I'm as fit as oh absolutely typical well luckily for you lot I know my way around a three pointy stick would eat kidding myself no idea what this is called I know what it's for there you need to present Joan of Arc what are you Joan of Arc yeah I am a vision of st. Michael I've been sent by God to find you who's the other one no seriously you've been chosen to lead the French army in a righteous battle against the oppressive English invaders ah there must have been a mix-up why would you say that well because a I'm just an illiterate peasant see I'm a girl and a I'm fourteen I mean sweeping up and darning socks I can do but military leadership not so much but he definitely said I mean I wrote it on my hand and everything are you sure it wasn't John of Arc the bloke next door someone cool good have you been waiting on God to call on you to lead France and a glorious victory against the English is half no look it definitely says Joan for so long okay well I'm just next door if you need me stay cool yeah sorry mate so what am I supposed to do well you know convene with God predict the future lead the French army to glorious victory and restore the King to his throne bid sweeping up we've done on the villages sucks oh I'm sure we'll think of something oh this is definitely what God wants hello in the door please good morning sir my name is Mathilda and I'm calling today on behalf of William the Conqueror concerning the new doomsday Berk sorry I don't buy things at the door no selling sir just a straightforward survey would you be willing to answer a few questions I don't really like surveys I should point out this morning sir that as a conquered Saxon you are obliged to answer the survey or a big Norman knight would come round and chop your head off all right then lovely first of all can I take your name they call me Athelstan red beard mr. red beard and would you describe yourself as sacs Celtic Pictish or other Saxon and can I ask were you aware that you had been conquered Thank You Porter will you previously aware that your army had been vanquished by William the Conqueror and that you're now ruled by the Normans of Normandy France no I'm afraid from now on it'll be no all right yes from now on it could be we is that okay we bomb so how many pigs have you got six C's and how many goats do you have eleven oh and how many chickens do you have fifteen fourteen cattles pool a cumbia de poulet avevo cattles pool a Madame lovely and can I ask do you own your own home no on the surf I'll put commoners mark and finally do you swear allegiance to your new king William of Normandy we'll give you a few seconds to make your mind up yes I do excellent I'll put that down as of week 20 Barney dusters no the thing is the Barons owned all the land and asked peasants have to work it for them they live la-dee-da lives while we spend our days up to our necks in muck it doesn't seem fair does it no what can we do about it we're going to start a peasant revolt yes there's a man organizing this uprising name of what Tyler what was his name that's right no what is the name of our leader got it in one no he means if we was to go up to our later and say hello mr. leader man what should we call you what would he say he'd say what that's what I want you to tell us what's his name yes it is no what is the last name of our leader no it's not right and what is mr. no no it's not first name our leaders last name is Tyler thank you lost em mr. Tyler's first name is what now that's what I was asking you over enough for this hold on just listen will you he's first names what his last name's Tyler that's why we call him what Tyler did it oh I see Oh what's a silly name isn't it who you're not wrong when let's go and tell why I'm where for whatever yes [Music] mother give me your money or walk you with me Kajal you let me with you could you what sort of a stretch is that I'm whipping myself with a steel tip whip it now look what you made me do must be abstaining from talking we're gonna have to whip myself again now as punishment Oh why aren't you supposed to talk because I'm a flatulent I'm atoning for my sins by wandering from town to town silently whipping myself up a big gob again now well we've been all know within give us your money roll oh yes miss Kajal and I'll put your feet up gouge your eyes out that might be quite helpful actually what well like I say I'm a flatulent I'm trying to suffer as Jesus did so that God will save my soul I'm thinking the more suffering the better so do your worst oh well if you won't give me your money or just I've built myself oh yeah now as well as the whipping wave flagellants are also forbidden to wash shave a change of clothes oh you're all right in the aid you haven't even got any money now that's your the thing about us flagellants we believe money to be the root of all evil oh sorry las' what's the point I'm an openness thief why don't you give it up I come on the round with me it's a man you'll go to heaven you're on Oh a Massena I love to do this for will Jesus lived for 33 and 1/3 years so we'll keep this up for 33 and a third days 3 2/3 days I'm talking in front sons of Scotland the plead has been killing off the English in their thousands and those are left a sick a week whereas we are strong for there is no plague thanks : without defenses down no is a time for us to invade let me out again English taste some Scottish steel upon it of youngsters bend your weapon hi I'll have you know pawns a nice warm underwear of course not your big Jesse now let's go slaughter and don't stop till the soil of egg wonder stand red with that block oh you're back already McDonald you didn't look so well think of me I caught a weed or so that English plague you know it's possible I didn't anything this whole invasion thing who did it no quick glance back over the border retreat not norm dear villages not bring the point back you will fake the whole of Scotland hey I didn't really think I'd be to do well today almost there I tell you if I ever have to look another napkin again or another swung for that matter don't look longingly here comes the boss it's no except the earl of warwick right I wish to see the chief cook or whichever peasant stinks the least my noise hmm tolerable I would ask your name but I don't care no I simply came down here to check on preparations for tonight's banquet we thought every day I get the chance to celebrate my brother being made out of Bishop you know no but is why I've laid 60 cooks at your disposal to create a feast likes of which the world has never seen yes after all I need to set a good example as requested we have lovingly prepared 104 juicy oxen no marvelous I love a bit of nice lean beef don't you well if you will insist on being poor and bought house a thousand sizzling swine the thousand no gonna make it to be on the safe side an extra thousand swine oh my god let me have a thousand sheep thirteen desert protein thirteen thousand desserts hmm and the vegetables no sir excellent I don't my guests thinking I eat like a peasant oh no sir carrots they're like scum like me sir yes all right then go about your business you probably little coming up but we found an extra swipe no cancel the swans I've changed my mind make him into the shape of crowns yes little crown [Music] bring out your dead bring out your dead yeah will you take my Bert will ya hey was it yeah you will give him a proper burial won't ya call sir will I'll chuck him in a pit with all the others oh good yeah it's what he would have wanted he's worried and now isn't it this plague thing you know I mean where's he coming from well I'm glad you asked me that it starts with a little flea that jumps up on a rat he bites the rat and gives it germs and for the rat that's that then the flea it looks for somewhere else to find it's boomed it hops on you and me and starts to suck our blood first you feel a little poorly and then you start to swell me then you start to spit some blood and then you really smell then you know it's time to ring your funeral bell door along comes mr. dick and swishes you to hell God there's lots of cures to help you if you have the cash kill the village cats and dogs and burn them all to ash sit down in a sewer so the smell drives bag away place chicken bottoms on your spots then you'll be okay swish play kills little children even more than bugs or deaths of pre-settings because the wicked kids have acted fast half the people on the earth are simply blown away so far mr. death these will be really busy days bring out yet its majesty John Bailey oh the rightful king of Scotland hey did you see that close yeah give those to cook thought to add them to tonight's banquet you play me a song something soothing it's been a very busy day and to no devil oh yeah I'm the legal expert you sent for sire ah the lawyer excellent God no I am hoping that you can help me overturn a terrible miscarriage of justice there is a very important man currently languishing in the most famous jail in England and I want you to get him out of course your majesty and who is this man it's me Vidia when you wouldn't keep an animal like this sin humane through its sad I don't like groups you see what I mean so this isn't your castle then this is the Tower of London I am The King of Scotland well I was until your stupid King Edward stole my throne and trapped me in here I am a king reduced to the status of our bum don't laugh up bum Teddy it demeans us both well sire if I'm completely honest I've visited a few jails in my time and the conditions here are not the worst I've seen and it would seem you've just been out hunting and your pointers most prisons they don't tend to let you out in fact as far as I can see the only real punishment here is how much you must miss your family why would I let our next-door alright get well in that case if I may speak frankly and I'm absolutely no idea what on earth you're complaining about of course you don't because you're not a Scotsman you don't know what it's like to have your body here in London when your heart and soul lives only in the highlands and until I am returned to my homeland I so be a prisoner every day of my life I could probably get you banished to from done actually that's bear cuz the weather's nice moving come on join us nice ranae's ready wait a minute in your notes well of course we are the King has dispatched us to crush your smelly peasants revolt you can't just go around killing peasants I think you'll find that's against the Knights code of chivalry oh is it oh the peasant speaks the truth noble knights may not go around fighting dirty peasants it is beneath us Oh drat well what about this one I mean he doesn't look like a peasant no you're right let's kill him then he's a priest yes we definitely cannot kill priests the code of chivalry is very clear on that point fine what can I just kill this one I think that's a woman really we are sworn to defend all women what even ugly ones that don't wash yes even the ugly ones that don't wash right so Knights simply cannot fight peasants that's about the size of it yes right what if I were a present ha ha well then you would be able to fight the ones who were peasants yeah I like your thinking sir percival from now on I'm known as Percy Percy the peasant that's brilliant I mean brilliant does the Knights code of chivalry let you do that ok peasants ready [Applause] [Music] you peasant where is your master what your masters a night where is he I'm a pill give me a London your cattle oh you want me to give you my land in my castle it's not going to happen hand them over or else or else what what are you going to do to me appeal I can do this maybe I cannot get to you but I can get to your property Oh Pete who is he going to for my crops when unions one leg it won't be able to but you'll still have to pay for his upkeep I don't believe this now give me your land and your castle or they all get it yeah hand over your castle thank you no problem never almo leg I'm not supposed so sorry about C Oh now will you give me your land on your castle absolutely not okay same time tomorrow what well if you don't and them over I will come back son you are so stubborn I take after you papa by the way give my love to mama of course well children I tell you straight welcome to Horrible Histories

Channel: Horrible Histories

Views: 712,034

Rating: 4.8915939 out of 5

Keywords: horrible histories, horrible histories full episodes, horrible histories movie, horrible histories trailer, horrible histories tv show, horrible histories episodes, horrible history, cbbc, horrible histories episodes in english, horrible histories songs, cbbc history, rotten romans, terrible tudors, slimy stuarts, vicious vikings, awful egyptians, history for kids, tv show for kids, measly middle ages

Id: t1zICtqftRo

Length: 24min 34sec (1474 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 17 2019