Historical Love Stories | Compilation | Horrible Histories

[Music] I'm just a lonely cave girl searching for a mate blocking volcano man I'll release the caveman date my mama says I must wait here until the moon is bright with [ __ ] milk and honey as gifts for the gods for mr. why knock three times [Music] [Music] my husband is [Music] [Music] [Music] first I said bye to my husband then carefully cut off his skin then boiling our pots and voices and snakes like a funeral begin droppin some lipids and winkles and sprinkles of mass totally true to my caveman [Music] don't [Music] [Music] mark Antony's accepted me as a friend on mummy bow excellent thanks for the ad smiley hieroglyphic it's him Elle queen Cleopatra hell yourself yeah I was just looking at your mummy bow profile and I couldn't help but notice you haven't got many friends yeah I did have my sister Pharaoh Cleopatra the six but she died in suspicious circumstances and my other sister Fairbairn e to the fourth but she was executed then there were my half-brothers Pharaoh Ptolemy the thirteenth drowned and Pharaoh told me the fourteenth poisoned sounds like being on the throne in Egypt is a pretty dangerous job Cleo do you never get scared I'll be fine I just need a powerful Roman to stand alongside me what like Caesar didn't you date him yeah no he's dead yeah about that there's now a vacancy saved you want to go out with me no please peach PPP's I put you on my top 10 friends list okay infra Denarius in for a sestertius more like a top two friends list who's this other one oh yeah that's my sister Aston I lost a member of your family who isn't dead mmm about Cleo yeah the thing is she's the last threat to my throne so I need to have Arceneaux killed you don't mind if I put your name on the assassination warrant do you please big baby please okay there we go nasty business but have to be done now you and me can rule the Egyptian Empire in peace right great Oh what was that noise did something go wrong oh yeah it says there's a problem at the transaction I probably just need to update my papyrus pal account I what what is it yeah turns out our snail was on the steps of a sacred temple when you murdered her when I murdered her Rome is up in arms we're in big trouble what are we gonna do Wow if we want to die with dignity we'll have to kill ourselves before the Roman army get to us what oh this is most inconvenient anyway I suppose we could pretend to kill ourselves and then just hide oh oh now you tell me Cleo you are literally the worst girlfriend I've ever had and I've had some shockers looks like I'll have to do the same then ah I'll get a poisonous snake to bite me I mean that's quite a legal way to go an ASP perfect 20 bronze coins for packaging I suppose it's quite a long tube ancient Sparta and the King has news of his daughter Helen of Troy daughter it is time to choose a husband from all the kings and princes of Greece Menelaus of Sparta is chosen sweet as a nut mate yes Helen and Menelaus were married the next week Helen you is well fit your face could launch a thousand ships yeah what is that supposed to mean I think I've married an idiot but then another suitor turned up sorry I'm late yeah a Paris Prince of Troy I'm here for the husband choosing me he was too late yeah this ship has already sailed in it's man captain Menelaus that Paris he is Welford Menelaus won't mind if I run away to Troy with Paris he'll forget about me in late new time but Menelaus didn't forget about Helen listen up yet I want all last Greek soldiers to march on Troy you get me we're gonna tear that city up kill them all Lizzy yes meanwhile in Troy sorry started a war Menelaus is bought huge army to take you back to Greece yeah he's surrounded Troy we are going to war the war lasts for 10 long years Oh Pelin I got well bad news Paris is dead which one is he again my brother the prince that bloke you ran off with you know the reason for this whole 10-year war yeah all Helen has to do to end the war and save hundreds of thousands of lives is go back to her husband Menelaus what will she do well first you fancy getting married yeah if you like my name's dear Fobus by the way whatever friends call me 4b it was to be a short marriage all right millionaires what is up boo eyes destroy Troy Harris is dead death dance that one is dead as well and it's all cuz the UK always you've got to say for yourself ah oh you already fit when you're angry defence getting back together again yeah what am I like Alan is a Middle Ages man from England he's met Scottish beauty Doyle AG and wants to marry her so they've travelled back to Scotland to meet Doyle a devoted mother and father but what will they think of him this is Alan [Music] I don't think they like me no no we're just knowing hearing FATA a wall to see if you're an honest man or law how we like to do things and medieval garland high the herring fat run straight father is that a good thing aye if it were cricket that would mean you were dishonest now allow me to wash your feet and a mixture of oil sit on cinders this will bring you luck for your marriage that's how we like to do things and medieval Scotland it's the morning of the wedding and Alan's beginning to have some doubts listen do we like all these weird Scottish customs I've got me thinking you don't think we're rushing into things do you to see if you're man enough to be my husband all you have to do is carry this basket of stones around the village oh we're all right hey it's how we like to do things and medieval Scotland [Music] did you go all the way around the bullets yes I still an honest man he's telling the truth let's get to the church coming up in the next series of my big fat medieval Scottish wedding joy Lac and Alan's baby is christened it's how we like to do things and medieval Scotland hello historical diets call us with Spade if it's a partner you need I'm sorry you had a terrible date with Alex onto the gray perhaps you will have a great one with Arvin the terrible maybe you should go out of it I don't know if it's enough Kevin I'm not dating anymore men least of all these historical ones what can I do for you I am looking for a woman she must be good at fighting well you should see me on a Saturday night and she must be able to manage the farm whilst I'm away on Viking raids I love animals are you embarrassing well in that case what are you doing tonight right so mommy's I'm going out with the vacuum no you must not tell your mom if you tell your mum I must marry you ah a Viking who takes too long to propose to a woman can be physically harmed by this woman's family Helena I'm gonna die with a [ __ ] okay I'll go with him to organise Hey you are cleared up in no how much will your father want for you we Vikings always pay for the bride for two bags chips you could pups marry Sally and her sister nice deal right I must go and fetch the goat yeah to sacrifice so that we can drip its blood over us laughs and then we will eat drink and wrestle and then we will hurl insults at each other you cut price sex and bride from hell you just think it's moving a bit too fast okay listen since I'm here do you mind if I do a bit of pillaging Oh to help yourself I now pronounce you Emperor and wife and preneur up you may kiss the bride lucky lucky thing he was the man who had everything land grapes a lot of grapes I don't blame you then one day possibly while shopping for grapes not paying for these my empire my rules Nero met the woman of his dreams yes another one do you wanna go out with me won't your wife mind shouldn't think so juh mind yes I mind you can never second-guess new things but Nero was prepared to do anything to be with the woman he loved no no the other one yeah yes that one I need a sign to show that you love me now not spar right well something more than grapes because I've got loads of grapes spending more than grapes this summer one Emperor will prove that love is a gift it's just what they want be your wife severed head in a basket coming soon the film that puts the Roman in romantic comedy my head and put it in a basket with you baby of course not I'm gonna have you kicked to death Shh nothing love you to death based on a true story rated unreasonable he was the vicious arrogant Norman Duke who would one day rule England really good I like England apart from the weather oh and the food and the people she was the beautiful granddaughter of the French King grandpa can I have a pony yes have a hundred ponies and when William asked for her hand in marriage there was only ever going to be one answer no way and why'd you push for that stinky Duke William I'm gonna marry like a prince or something but William wouldn't take no for an answer he set off on a journey to win the heart of the beautiful princess stand up I am standing up well you're very small yeah I'm like full full what do you want I want you to marry me I will never marry you we'll see about that Duke William used all his charm to make Matilda fall in love with him marry me marry me no marry me okay great hey whoa whoa whoa now hang on a minute what was all that about oh look all that you pulling her hair and pushing her in the mud and stuff where's this what happened she said no so I pulled a hair and then I pushed her in the mud then but you can't do that yeah yeah I know it was terrible but actually he turned out to be a really good husband yeah we were together 30 years we had 11 beautiful children yeah but it's kind of but I yep yep ah forget it so where were we coming soon to a cinema near you mud and Mathilda a tale of loving and shoving oh sorry my bad [Music] you look beautiful thank you why are you sorry I am did you catch a moose I'm going to marry you today or something what where's King Charles the first I'm supposed to marry him but you you could do worse I'm a Duke he's a king oh yeah yes boosie's anyway he said to say he's very sorry but he's a bit busy so would you mind if I sort of stood in for him to the old wedding see yeah well you know it's a bit difficult for him this is so cheeky business with religion and your cuddly is not the class of co-ceo in France is not so in the end I just thought it might be easier to pop down and sort of get married for him to marry me no no he's got this whole second wedding plan when you get the incan next month yeah a big Church in Canterbury not Sport is cancer money big silly cake do you Henrietta Maria take a man who is not here but somehow knows this man to be your lawfully wedded husband I do yeah apparently it is e then I now pronounce you friend of the husband and somebody else's wife you may kiss the other fellas bride Oh dare you I'm the wife of King Charles the first I think it was Tony I always cry at weddings oh yes yes I'm still a handsome devil what's this could it be that my new wife Catherine has given birth oh she has please no boy please boy please be a boy Oh Oh No why has God forsaken me with only lady babies no I must have a male heir a queen on the English throne would be disastrous I mean girls are too silly to rule countries was all my wife's fault I'm voted a [ __ ] sir no worse I'm going to drop her from my top eight on you bow I'm going I'm going to divorce her let's put the King of France in my topic he's an idiot right to completely rearrange my friends list now no your holiness hello to you I thought you were languishing in a rut infested Spanish dungeon I am but it has a excellent Wi-Fi coverage yeah Henry is it true you dropped the Queen from your top eight on Yibo yes it's true she bore me the wrong kind of baby I specifically asked for a boy so I'd like to divorce her if that's okay with you what no no absolutely not well it's too late I'm looking on Tudor Brides calm as we speak Henry now listen to me there's one an appalling Protestant lady seeks rich a noble husband for good times and lots of mirrors likes beards well I must marry her right away Henry the Catholic Church unremittingly refuses your request for a divorce oh really well I'm just going to set up my own church good talk about you've got any set up your own church you need scriptures and a dogma that is so 1529 you can do it all online now Church of Henry oh it's gone I implore you please think of it think of the implications the damage it will cause Henry please listen to me I'm the Pope Henry okay sorry I gotta go email just popped in it might be from ambolyn to later Oh what does this you do want King of France indeed oh he sent me a virus very clever well done to force me attended survived I pen remediate my HUD sick sorry wives some might say I ruined [Music] Catherine of Aragon was one she failed to give me a son I had to ask her for a divorce that broke up her heart of course young man Berlin she was too had a daughter the best she could do I said she flirted with some other man and offered the chop went dear Anne lovely Jane Seymour was 3 the love of a lifetime for me she gave me a son little prince said then for all Jane went and drop dead divorce beheaded and died divorced beheaded survived I'm Henry the eighth I had six sorry wives some might say I ruined their lives [Music] Anne of Cleves came at 4 I fell for the portrait I saw then laid eyes on her face and cried she's a horse I must have another divorce Katherine Howard was 5 a child of 19 so alive she flirted with others no way to behave the acts sent young calf to her grave [Music] catherine parr she was lost by then all my best days were passed I lay on my deathbed aged just 55 lucky Catherine the last state alive I mean how unfair divorce beheaded and died divorced beheaded survived I'm Henry the eighth I had six sorry wives you could say I worried [Music] oh now the smallpox car just what I need but I'm looking for suit your majesty I bring tragic news you should check your emails ami Dudley wife of Robert Dudley has been found dead at the bottom of the stairs awful news this isn't anything to do with your majesty is it it's just I know that you are rather fond Robert I don't know what you are talking about this just as well it dad Lee is not good enough for your majesty if the tudor line is to continue your majesty is simply going to have to keep looking for a husband oh you're right Cecil as usual let's see if there's been any views of my online dating profile I have rejected a few haven't I indeed mom got mail Oh Oh your majesty did you get my email I've built you a garden at Kenilworth yes Robert I love it it's perfect I'm so pleased although it is a little far to the left could you move it over a bit you want me to move the entire garden ah I only want you to move it by a few feet I'm hardly being unreasonable hmm such a shame sessile says I can't marry Robert he's such a sweetie right who have we got no no to French Sir Francis Drake oh no no no no that goatee pearlies sue 1558 [Music] what your majesty I do hope I'm not disturbing you know I always have time for an eligible bachelors such as your handsome self well funny you should say that because I was just calling to inform your majesty of my intentions to marry best Throckmorton what seeing your hope you're blocking my line maybe they will just have to do yes what again is nalli Robert to develop a taste for lettuce any luck securing the Tudor lineage Your Majesty no Cecil and I'm just about ready to give up Robert dear I might add hoping to soon the Earl of Essex and he just emailed me that's excellent news wait a minute this email is about a rebellion is planning to overthrow miss Ethel and The Fool has cc'd me in by accident off with his head let's not be too hasty you must find a husband or the Tudor lineage is finished the truth is I am already married really are interested to whom to England well said mom and with that I bid you adieu she's really lost it your fruit two historical dates perfect matches reasonable rates yes sir I'm sure we can help you find a new why have you married before Oh twice no that won't be a problem sir Zhuge didn't murder him you did right yes that will be a problem okay I am Pineiro you'd have to be totes desperate to go out with that one should have given him your number oh shut up Karen I'm not desperate shut up you stole our majesty what's your name James Hamilton 2nd Earl of Adam I seek a suitable marriage partner I'm sure we'll have no trouble finding you why oh it's not for me it's for the baby she's my cousin Mary Queen of Scots her daddy was James the fifth of Scotland but he died when she was just 6 days off that's all huh you're telling me I was heir to the throne until this wee one came along all of a sudden she's Queen of Scotland only I have to run the country while she's too busy trying to suck her own tools you don't think she's a bit young to be looking for a long-term partner well she's been engaged for six months engaged I to Edward how old is he Chuck's a 6 years old I'll admit there's a bit of an age gap but if so much in common what would Mary being Queen of Scotland and Edward being heir to the English throne well they do sound well matched twice they meet then on a royal playdate no we're at war with the English it's not such a promising start to a relationship well we thought it'd be nice to get the two wee bands together but the people of Scotland were nor happy so we called the whole thing off what's it what you're gonna say well if you're 6 years old I expect he'll mainly talk about bogies I'm more worried about why his father's gonna sail right where is he why did you call off the engagement to Edward he's a catch just like his father I'm Henry by the way haha so is his marriage back on well we can do this the easy way or the hard way please say the hard way I'm sorry Henry the people of Scotland will never accept an English king yes war it is I'm going to erase Edinburgh to the ground to see if I don't smells that someone needs changing and I don't think it's the baby shot mr. Harrington instead I've never known such a great week oh you're too kind well this looks as good a spot as any I must say miss penny whistle you really are the most pleasant of company charming of character bright of mind and with this prettiest smile as I've ever I've never known such rudeness sitting next to a lady in the countryside is entirely improper the very height of Victorian rudeness I'm sorry perhaps this humble sandwich would serve by way of an apology perhaps what pray tell is in the sandwich cheese and onion rudeness that cannot be counted on ones fingers or measured in one's heart what no cheese and onion mister table there is nothing more rude impolite Victorian society than for a man to smell of onion yes of course well happily there are plenty of non onion based delights within the hamper I'll just attend to this slight nosebleed you appear to have caused enough rudeness beyond human comprehension for blowing your nose in public is the very height of bad manners as it would seem are most things miss penny whistle may I ask where polite Victorian society stands on apple pie apple pie is it considered discourteous offensive or uncultured no is it rude ill-mannered improper or indiscreet I do believe so No so just to clarify you have no objection whatsoever to apple pie good [Music] well he's the rudest man I've ever met but it sure can't bake Victoria and Albert the love story of their generation 1836 and the most eligible young princess in the world meets her potential suitors what about Alexandra - never did sir Prince over arch the South three out of ten picking up on that he's totally fit don't care not interested it was not going well until Prince Albert of saxe-coburg who is that he's gorge 12 out of 10 sorry I - hey we're looking at you see behind the one with the ridiculous facial hair Oh walrus face by the way bus the princess Victoria it was love at first sight alright I think you're the fittest man I've ever seen I love you I just wish I knew if she liked me it was the Royal whirlwind romance and after a couple of years it was time to propose My Love My Darling my cousin there is something I need to ask you marry me oh that is what I was going to say but yes why not 10th of February 1840 that happy day Prince Albert marries the now Queen Victoria I now pronounce you Queen and husband check it out King Albert or was he oh no it's Prince Albert actually which I had married a queen so I am King yes but it doesn't work like that maybe it does but you're free you could make me king if you like yes you'd think but I asked the government and they said no okay baby it was a happy marriage a really happy marriage that would bring them nine children and that would last until their dying day which sadly in the case of Prince Albert wasn't very long Queen Victoria went into mourning time is a great healer forty years later finally after four decades of grieving Victoria was ready to move on okay I'm over it I'm ready to start dating it here yeah I think you might have left that a little late for 40 years I fooled a loon shared all those tears were on the throne what got me through the pain was clinging to the memory I loved her so my darling Vicki so but you know almost made me sick II I've caused not elect in your country but who cares when I had [Music] you love from had to propose to you crises like fence on tried to shoot you bad Sam celebrity [Music] to [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] train stations which way to Great Britain too far [Music] then all the diet which left just me just be no pain no pay just be oh how I mooned my special pal I love it I love you [Music] [Music] stop down the pub you enjoyed horrible stories

Channel: Horrible Histories

Views: 666,842

Rating: 4.9065156 out of 5

Keywords: horrible histories, horrible histories full episodes, horrible histories movie, horrible histories trailer, horrible histories tv show, horrible histories episodes, horrible history, cbbc, horrible histories episodes in english, horrible histories songs, cbbc history, rotten romans, terrible tudors, slimy stuarts, vicious vikings, awful egyptians, history for kids, tv show for kids, romance, historical love stories, valentines day

Id: X21Y9eisAiA

Length: 36min 13sec (2173 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 10 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

The series with the original cast were the best kids' TV shows ever.