Horrible Histories - Awful Egyptians | Compilation

have you got anything to help with this with what there's nothing there that's really funny I know do you have a cure for baldness yes sir certainly I can mix you up a cure let me just check and see if I've got the right ingredients so I need the fat of a hippo check the fat of a tomcat chick and the fence oh dear I seem to be missing some ingredients what's up I need the fat of a snake I've got one live even my grain store I go and see if it's there yeah great okay thank you gee mister yeah Oh found him all I need now is the fat of the Nubian ibex as in an ibex that lives on the lands of our mortal enemies the Nubians yes indeed great well I'll just go and it's your head mate Cheers some more all I need now is some crocodile fact do you think we could not do this one at a time just give me the whole list now that's it all we need is crocodile fat and we're done you sure absolutely crocodile yep we've there oh no I forgot to read the other side of the list we need lie in fact do so wigs do you part cat they you love I love cats magazine because we ancient Egyptian standard love cats we worship them literally don't miss our special offer on Maki mummification when your beloved Plus can't passes on why not seal into their own special sarcophagus perfect they love our special report on the festival of Bastet got us a cat 700,000 visited her template Bubastis honoring her by singing and dancing and drinking loads and loads of wine first throw a bass that bringeth meow and focus this month's special feature on hunting with cats find out how I taught my cat how to help me hunt all I have to do is throw this boomerang and try and catch a flying bird yes got one now tickles will help me retrieve it toodles fetch Don Tibbles needs a bit more training I wish you were a dog oh babe and enter this month's cats caption competition and you could win a cat pendant which comes with a lifetime guarantee of protection from the cat goddess ourselves check out last month's winner your century tears of garlic or one clove of garlic a group with a battery [Music] I'm Queen I don't care I just [Music] [Music] my list of Isis basted asses milk and spices then I dressed like goddess Isis no back hair it ring it's nice to spiders to for many Thais decided [Music] married another brother he's an okay kiesza but never to Jesus and hoped that he P crack him my bro said no I said cuz I am Egypt royalty [Music] I see [Music] was a drama I was one guilty mama today I'd be a favorite of there no pictures no wait but I don't care we are the elite of the Persian army I don't fancy our chances against the Egyptians I mean look at them mostly thousands of relax man we're being led by can by seize the Conqueror the butcher of Memphis imagine how many Egyptians you gotta kill to get a nickname like that besides bird we've got secret weapon two warriors with our new secret weapon we shall be invulnerable I present the weapon that will defeat the Egyptians right um does it explode no it's just a cat it works like this present cat you see we're gonna get creamed shootin along the tops to demonstrate how our secret camera works ridiculous it stopped well they're actually retreating how does it work simples Egyptians love cats they have cat Colts cat festivals whole cities dedicated to cats they wouldn't dare risk hurting one as long as we hold the cats between us and then they shot dare attack you do realize there's one problem with your plan what's that what if you're allergic sorry you've got a really weird sneeze yeah I know sounds like you were just saying wazoo this season treat yourself to the all-in-one ancient Egyptian beauty set eyeliner face makeup and moisturizer in one easy-to-use pack it's got to be only for men what men that's right it's got everything an Egyptian man needs to look his best stunning black LED eyeliner luscious clay makeup for cheeks and lips and those more by the only for men beauty kit today and get this only for men leg hair removal cream absolutely free yes with our new improved formula of oil very bones cucumber and gums now the Edit fly done you can make embarrassing leg hair a thing of the past you simply hate the cream applied to the affected area and great for a descent then pull it off bringing all the unwanted hair without just look at the difference before no pain after lots of pain look like a man with the only firm an ancient Egyptian beauty set only for men only now that's what I called my Cho does my bottom look big in this this week on don't tell the corpse we meet Fidel who's been given the challenge of planning the funeral of his wife's relative but does she think he'll be able to pull it off I do hope for Dale thinks of everything for me on Clements journey into the afterlife we didn't like my uncle much actually if I'm honest nobody liked him with no previous experience of organizing funerals for deal has enlisted the help of ancient Egyptian funeral planner touch Mo's benefits mummification you're after with processes to suit every budget at the top end you can have the deceased intestines removed by a professional in Burma at the bottom end so to speak we can dissolve their guts with the injection of cedar oil you know right yeah thank you I'd work that out already I think we'll go with the professional embalmer excellent choice sorry don't know what I'm saying sorry he's dead the deal has nearly blown all his budget embalming alone and there's still loads to sort out oh she's one of our professional mourners you can hire them for the funeral well she certainly is very convincing our professional mourners can make even the most loathsome individual same popular I'll take off a dozen good choice with the congregation Hyatt for deal must now buy items to put an uncle and one's tomb for his journey to the afterlife now what do you get for the corpse who's got everything I bet he hasn't got one of these there wasn't a child she'll kill me if I buy him a toy this is no toy this is the very latest in underworld transport in the afterlife it turns into a full-sized bolt and these model slaves become real slaves to do the hard work for you Wow I'll take it that's that sorted and the journey is a long one he'll be needing some food this mummified it comes in its own coffee alright but that's definitely it whacks hair gel especially made for mommies the afterlife is forever you want your uncle to look his best I didn't actually like him that much but you know mummified cats they're very popular you shabda dosed musical instruments magical bricks finally it's the day of the funeral but Wilfred ills wife approve of his choices and will her unpopular uncle get the send-off he deserves this is his burial chamber uncle Armand that's a massive ornate burial tomb made for himself over there we're going the wrong way oh no there's been a slight change of plan you see I rather like the look of uncle Armand's tomb so I thought we'd move him to this smaller underground hole and then we can have is one when we die if we steal these two won't all these friends be furious oh that's not a problem no what's it okay thanks very much everyone you can go now all the best all right I say well in that case let's bully him in the old I'm king Pepe the second but you can call me Pharaoh now I love Egypt but brought the place in CA just sticks for crying out loud but if there's one thing that drives me mad about this country it's all these pesky flies would you get down vomit it was driving me crazy until I invented this Oh King Pepe super-sticky and you fly honey slave those pesky flies can't get enough of that sweet sticky stuff and I am talking honey in fact they're so busy flying around him that there are no flies on me no Egyptian household is complete with that one I got one in every room it's easy take one sleep cover him in honey and enjoy hours of fly free relaxation so don't delay to keep those flowers awake at your King 50 super-sticky aunty black honey slave today beautiful smile good slave trader I mean flies not included if you think Pharaohs lives were crazy their deaths were even crazier I mean can you imagine the first time someone thought of being buried in a pyramid it sort of reared up and then everything's because here greetings mighty Pharaoh ruler of all Egypt as requested Oh Pharaoh we have laid plans for your burial ah excellent I must prepare for my journey to the afterlife and rebirth as a God so what we thought for the grave was this simple yet effective obviously we'll do the lettering in gold gentlemen I don't think you quite get the idea oh really I was thinking of something a little bigger no problem we could get a bigger stone bigger stone two and a half tons that's pretty heavy and not just one don't tell me you want three I was thinking two and a half million with all those pile them all up on top of each other or something yes forming a huge four-sided pyramid 230 metres wide and 146 meters high um right how would we move the stones well we could transport them in boats when the Nile is flooded how are we gonna get the 146 meters into the air boring you'll think of something do you have a nice gravestone no I am Pharaoh I don't want what everyone else has I want a mighty monument worthy of the gods now just get on with it honestly he's a pain in Britain they simply cover people up with great mounds of Earth you know we should just go there yeah yeah weather's not so hot mine [Music] all the tips and Kings me know oh so many things mostly archaeologists of dr. tunes now we're here to show how to treat a dead Pharaoh make a mummy that can decorate your room first your Ted Kings laying on a table where his braid is pulled out with a wire through his nose Penny's guts and lungs stomach liver must be buck in four jars so they do not decompose or out salt to dry on the body let it lie there for forty days until it bah-bah-bah in the bandage wrap up the body leave a gap for the mouth and pop in part official eyes in the clapping cold lay out prayers and little scrolls that will guard him on his journey far ahead pack his tomb with wealth which you'll need for his health if he makes it to the country of the Dead now you done your job there are villains who will rob so our mummy and it's coffin moved affair build a pyramid high so it points up to the sky they should get king deep inside and that's the end hey girl do you want to keep up to date with all the latest ancient Egyptian trends in makeup hair and fashion then you need to get new Pharaoh fashion magazine in this week's issue we'll show you the hottest and we mean hottest new hair accessories I love my new Lex cone it's so stylish I'm never taking it off because I can't it's melted into my hair new hair fashions don't follow the flock where our sheets won't wake this season's must-have makeup there's luscious lipstick made from red powder mixed with that fabulous eye liner made from black unless it also works as a sunblock and deterrent and we reveal the very latest fashion from ancient Egypt and you thought you had nothing to wear yes you two can go naked like an ancient Egyptian peasant so for all the latest from the world of Egyptian fashion don't miss Pharaoh fashion magazine used to buy for only three radishes and two onions she was hatshepsut Pharaoh of ancient Egypt she had power she had riches she had everything a great Pharaoh needed except a beard sorry what a beard he is yes the Pharaoh was meant to be the god Horus in human form and Horus was a bloke so you wore a fake beard to look like a bloke oh yes quite sure here we go at chef suit wore a false beard and dressed in men's clothes what you dressed in men's clothes don't blame me that's like just what you did Hatshepsut the queen who would be king took the throne from her stepson and reigned over Egypt for 22 years until she disappeared in mysterious circumstances her monuments destroyed and her name erased from history what happened to me you were martyred probably by your stepson he was pretty annoyed about the whole throne stealing incident right that's it where are you going the whole Pharaoh thing that's far too dangerous for me what about the beard keeping the beard think it really suits me this week on historical wife swap these Egyptian peasants will be doing a wife swap with Pharaoh ramus is the second than his wife Nefertari example these different ancient Egyptian couples get home early you mrs. Farrow shouldn't you'll be at my house mrs. Farrow is it your house I'm mrs. Farrow number 2 ramasees the seconds got six wives it greater and two hundred girlfriends born of rah chosen of Wrath for powerful is the truth of rah half keying half gold master of all I survey ramus is the second glory be to my name and you are Susan an honour for you to meet me is what will Nefertari the Pharaohs number one wife make of mr. peasant oh no could be me majesty I've been dragged into Tom boulders around the desert to help build your husband's temple no you do stink peasant but it's much worse than that Oh could be the Gazelle Don the rats away or it could be the walls they're made of manure and the Nile flooded the hot last month so they're still a bit house uppity sweating I can tell I'm going to just look great meanwhile over at the palace it's dinner time here a peasant try one of these what is it my Pharaoh locusts and honey delicious I think I'm going to grab an early night I have to be up before the Sun comes up well obviously I do I'm the one who gets the Sun up I'd done a joke the royal palace has got bags with convict pillows merda stood and it's not the same thing that if it time to go to toilet it's also dinner time in the peasant house oh sorry your majesty we don't get a lot of mosquitoes that's the downside of living near the Nile the plus side is that the Nile floods so the soil here is very fertile and when it does flood we farmers get a few months off to go out at desert and drag around to Tom boulders fruit Pharaoh Oh at least it gets you away from all these mosquitoes an ear of the deadly scorpions do you not want your own you sleep on some straw on the floor that's right on the floor with all the gazelle poop and it's time for the royal couple of the peasant couple to discuss their experiences I understand you've been helping build my temple the ramesseum what an honor for you how looks the 19 metre statue of me although not as impressive as the real thing ah your work is done but I have some good news for you I would like you to build another massive temple alongside for my favorite wife Oh roomie baby that's so sweet you won't want to do you don't book any holidays we just actually discuss this Rami you remember well you have lots of fun ones drink well you don't risk it hi I'm a shouty man and I'm here to tell you about all-purpose ancient Egyptian mummy here in the 1800s mummies are being dug up all over the place but don't throw them away make use of them today are your walls looking old and tired then let ancient Egyptian mummy lend a hand just crush some mummy into a powder add it to your paint and watch those nasty cracks disappear and just look at the results this magnificent mummy filler is available in three colors dirty white off-white and slightly grey [Music] and that's not all ancient Egyptian mummy also gets the thumbs up as a great fuel for fire and it won't cost you an arm or a leg toast A+ if you're feeling a little rundown ancient Egyptian mummy is the perfect Vic Mia simply crush some mummy into a powder and dab it all over it's got magical healing powers see it's working already you can do it all with all purpose ancient Egyptian mummy it makes an excellent present because it comes pre wrapped ancient Egyptian mummy dig one up today available in all good ancient Egyptian burial grounds Spade not included and so I died thank you my wonderful slaves for taking care of my every need but IT Pharaoh it has been our privilege to serve but we shall all miss you as you take your turn to the afterlife what now you went there coming with me God's sacrifice my slaves and bury them in here with me you're killing us all after everything we've done for you who else is gonna take care of all my things in the afterlife gods but it's so unfair there must be some other way there is I'm a shouty man are you an Egyptian pharaoh on your deathbed are you starting to think that sacrificing real people might just be a little bit unfair then try the new Egyptian you shall eat all the slaves you can have buried with you without having to kill anyone fast that sounds excellent little dog that's right these beautiful handcrafted figurines will magically turn into actual servants to look after your every need in the afterlife and there's hundreds of different ones to collect you shove deeper you shaft a builder you shove detailer please let my size and you shove D Shepard on the roll backside to wipe your majestic bar and as this work my that's first-class you chef D coughing dogs you wouldn't want to die without them you shove d-does Meno that should be working it's hard to get your money back when you did and this room you are just going to love mighty Pharaoh so basically this is the main living area for when you're dead so I suppose it's the non living area it's nice and it's fitted with everything you could possibly want in the afterlife there's a luxury coffin king-size of course and an ensuite toilet will I need a toilet it's just that they will take out my stomach and intestines when they turned me into a mummy all the best pyramids happen now there aren't any rats in here are there I can't abide rats I can assure you mrs. Farrow the only rats in here are mummified well we'll give something for the cats to chase won't it yes isn't it lovely mm-hmm well I'm glad you like it after all when I die they'll bury you in here with me alive now through there there's even a servant swing with plenty of room for the staff that will be slaughtered I look after you in the afterlife including the Royal and bottom ypur especially the Royal bottom wife Oh excellent just one final question yet far away what's crime like in this area I've heard there are a few tomb Raider's knocking about your untold riches are more than safety in my illustrious Pharaoh all the entrance passageways are a complex maze of dead-end corridors secret sliding key stones and trap doors nobody is getting in here happy okay we'll take it super right this way no no I know what I'm doing the secret sliding Keystone is here somewhere Oh was it the trapdoor oh no the ceiling you just based on reality computer games Kahn's the real Tomb Raider yes discover Egyptian tombs as they were really discovered select your real Tomb Raider not real select again not real select again you have selected Lord George Edward Stanhope Molly no Herbert the fifth Earl of Carnarvon a genuine archeologist real Tomb Raider features all the tools that were really used not real not real select again you have selected a small blemish okay real tomb Raider's we're off using all your skills guide your adventure at a strength through sand and brush the dust off some disappointing bits of old pottery or perhaps you'll discover a whole new tune although it might take a walk about 20 years probably with no zombies no mommy's coming back to life in fact no monsters at all the real generator not much fun but it's what it was really like [Music] settle down class now you've passed your grade one pyramid Senate yeah the time has come for me to drum some facts into you about spelling oh it seems to me your ABC skills are less than terrific so buck up boys as we mastered the joys of the lovely hieroglyphic well everyone needs the ABC it's as simple as four-foot baskets you know how to sing don't rape me easy to spell it's hand I think ABC [Music] you'll pass with ease and planets a breeze the rules are scientific don't have to be smart all you do is start with simple phonetic griffix next you get two letters a set morphine's called logger graphic finally third the form of a word determined it seems everyone needs their familiar house son it's simple but some can mean duck everyone you all know how the rancher name except for me to turn effort into Carmen let me know how so Mesa never did it count let's leave that one [Music] if you find it hard don't be afraid to go and ask your mommy for aid now it's time for a spelling bee that's not how you spell BC me foot read read easy cat Pig dog rat duck frog make your spelling magnetic you can go up and down left and right and around no punctuation in hieroglyphic abcdefg just 700 characters or so now that's done let's have some fun with numbers here we go everyone needs their 1 2 3 it's a simple as iiiiii you can now count to 99 easy to ride it's poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i one two three [Music] basket stonemason here rock I'm join a crew working on the Sphinx cheers mate I can't wait imagine actually being part of the team that builds Egypt's brand new capital city Paramus E's from virtually nothing seven square miles of mansions temples canals lakes statues and houses for 300,000 people I hope I get on a pyramid team right Pharaoh statue cheers mate or a needle some of those needles are amazing 50 foot high 200 tonnes come wait to tell everyone back home about this Templar ah nice Mike next all right chief I am raring to go so just put a hammer in my hand and point me in the direction of the Hawks Oilers horse toilets horse toilets horse toilets yes we're horses nobody's me I left my family hundreds of miles away and walked here why I had to hire slaves to look after my farm so I could be part of ramasees the seconds magnificent project and you want me to build a borscht toilet would be a laughingstock is nothing wrong with building a horse toilet right can I have a look at the first one we've done look at that years of engineering and genius have gone into designing that yeah the pillars hold a horse in place perfectly positioning it so it can do its business in the hole imagine it yeah the Pharaohs cavalry 10,000 altars all going to the toilet a once in front of us rather door well not only is it cleaner but we're also collecting all the horse way to help tan the leather to make the armor the weapons your horse toilet mate is helping make Egypt the powerhouse of the world never thought of it like that these horse toilets are amazing I'll do it good on you mate Thanks only if anyone asks I'll tell him you working on his Fink's thank you Oh horses only you are looking at your own brand-new state-of-the-art cutting-edge burial tomb no no yes you are you just can't see it you're fired look it is there it's just under the ground under the ground what good does that do me I'm a pharaoh I'm an Egyptian god walking the earth when I pass over into the afterlife I want to be buried in a majestic golden pyramid a hundred and fifty meters high no you don't know no no no no think about it your dad they stuck him in a massive golden pyramid the old grave robbers could see for miles around and of course they all came down and robbed these gold and would you think it was likely your poor old dad arriving there in the afterlife with my royal treasure Garrus what it was embarrassing very embarrassing whereas with this design they won't even be able to find your tomb the whole thing is buried under the desert okay well it's not what I was expecting but I asked you to build me a great royal tomb and I suppose you built me a grave all too so absolutely right well thanks oh and um here's your bonus there's nothing there oh there is you just can't see it layers the past is no longer a mystery welcome to Horrible Histories

Channel: Horrible Histories

Views: 770,220

Rating: 4.8452768 out of 5

Keywords: horrible histories, horrible histories full episodes, horrible histories movie, horrible histories trailer, horrible histories tv show, horrible histories episodes, horrible history, cbbc, horrible histories episodes in english, horrible histories songs, cbbc history, rotten romans, terrible tudors, slimy stuarts, vicious vikings, awful egyptians, history for kids, tv show for kids

Id: T7WhIybg_Qo

Length: 33min 44sec (2024 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 21 2019