Best of the Worst: Blindfold Picks!

why hello and welcome to best of the worst throughout the years we've accumulated millions of terrible vhs tapes we put them all on shelves never to be watched of our own volition rows and rows of awful movies action and adventure films science fiction and fantasy and of course the horror [Music] however today is different jay rich and jack will be sent to these shelves of tapes blindfolded with the explicit instructions to select a tape at random whichever tapes are selected no matter how terrible or cheap or pathetic or gross or sad or disgusting will be watched in their entirety no exceptions and now let the games begin it's time for best of the worst i don't like walking when i can't see i don't want to run into things oh okay oh i'm here [Music] oh this feels this actually feels tall this feels like a taller than normal [Music] all right i got one up [Music] oh this is like a sticky clam shell i don't like the dirty clam shells i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry oh oh oh shrink wrap shrink wrap someone loved this one [Music] no more shrimp oh oh this plastic feels very good too good for this show i don't like that [Music] i don't like that one oh there's a top shelf too oh so this one is front facing which means that it has a cool cover right so my gut is to go with cool cover but as we've learned cool cover does not equal cool movie so i'm going to choose um uh one right next to it what did i get what did i get lady avenger [Music] [Music] got it [Music] oh jesus [ __ ] christ what what happened oh rich happened that's the wall i picked from yeah it looks pretty normal it's it's pretty much still intact well in rich's defense they were set up like dominoes it was almost like we were hoping it would happen anyway i picked the incredible melting man oh wow this is a wonderful cover it tells you exactly what you're getting and it's digitally remastered yeah i have a feeling when we put this vhs in it'll look like blu-ray quality i have a feeling about that too jay well if someone released it on blu-ray then it must be good uh when stephen west returns from saturn he brings a horrifying disease with him a disease that melts his flesh uh while dr ted nelson and the hospital staff are baffled by this mysterious illness west secretly leaves the hospital and disappears soon after the community is besieged by a series of violent deaths and all of the victims are missing i don't know what that has to limbs with being a melting man but just as nelson suspects west must feed on human flesh to save his own okay like what are we in the first two minutes and we already have this room yeah all the coffee creamer oh she brought soda it's code red with the help of general perry nelson sets out to stop the crazed cannibal before he brutally devours more innocent victims the incredible melting man is that the film about rudy giuliani suspense horror an incredible special effects make this gory tale truly unforgettable if i tell you i want you to promise me don't drink you know do you or do you not want to know i want to know then you tell nobody not even your why how's it coming rich oh it's going it's going well all right you're doing a great job have anything happen uh oh they're talking about how they gotta find the melty man oh well hold on i missed one well rich you picked starship [Music] should be in the communications room we mind that too that way we'll clear the board [Music] i think the network we've set up should be strong enough to take over it still worries me [Music] an intergalactic spectacular light years away from planet earth and uh as we can see football is still a thing that's that you know i guess that's nice superb special effects highlight this exciting and intense story of rebellion on a desert mining colony in outer space this is the most original science fiction idea i've ever heard it all sounds like blah to me rebellion on a desert planet wow in the spirit and style of blade runner and the immortal space war classics from george lucas oh he said don't put that in there i'll sue your [ __ ] you know those space war classics yeah i've heard of them i don't know which space war classics they're referring to by george lucas but you know all of them are pretty good could be anything the man made a lot of a lot of movies a lot of space war classics starship pits the young lorca his droid grid and the rebel human workers against the military stormtrooper droids are you joking with us nope guided by the evil hand of the unscrupulous mercenary darth blader what's next darth the unscrupulous mercenary joett joette is set on destroying the entire human workforce of odessa and the rebels only chance for survival is to put an end to joe's evil reign of terror and escape back to earth [Music] this is going to blow up the ship i guess okay what about all the people they were swearing oh a bunch of debris just fell on the bad guy oh what did he just cut to him dead a bunch of rocks fell on them or debris that from the explosion and he died [Laughter] the struggle for freedom against depression set in the future of space colonization makes for a film certain to be enjoyed by all members of the family oh no i don't like the sound of that what's this rated g what year did it come out i can't you need your people i need my i need my peepers uh 1986 i okay 90 minutes pg 1986. um that's quite a white ways after star wars i was pegging this for like late 70s early 80s but i guess they got desperate these are like mannequins they're like store mannequins i yes with a football helmet on are they going to be the droids this he's not even holding a space gun that's just a m16 that looks like a display in like a a military surplus store uh you know i'm very curious to see what we're gonna get this might be magic let's go let's go [Music] oh [ __ ] sorry sorry are you okay yeah yeah what the [ __ ] is wrong [Music] well jack our final film tonight you pick i did off of off of our action and adventure show what we should we should specify that's right because we each got a different genre right even though you know obviously there's some crossover i was happy to get action as i love action movies and lady avenger i'm a huge marvel fan so this should be right up and it's not a model and it's not going to be as entertaining or fun or good visual effects anything modern or anything oh this is like pre-disney this is like john fabro era no i'm [Laughter] [Music] who are these guys [Music] let's see here starring presents a david dakota film he made the bigfoot db cooper versus bigfoot yeah he's known for his his plethora of films that feature shirtless young men uh and i think this is before that era when he made legit action movies sure but this has a babe in it it has a babe in it this has a babe who's got a gun and on the back she's shooting that gun oh she's got it's a different gun it's a isn't that like a pistol yeah yeah yeah and i would presume this is the lady avenger we can only assume let's read the back of the box and see what we got here when the door of freedom cracks open for inmate maggie blair that's ooh that's that's that's some that's some uh some talented writing there they could have said when maggie blair got out of jail you know exactly a lesser a lesser writer wrote written something prose mike this is a flowery imagery absolutely so maggie blair is a peggy sanders of beverly hills cop two into the night and weird science she was probably an extra in weird science or one of the party-goers or something i bet she was on the back of one of the biker gang's motorcycles probably yeah that's her only credit that's her only credit okay at her brother's funeral she doesn't let anything stand in her way great in the coffin i'm not wrecking my back one night on a bad bed and i have to go to the hospital that's how bad it gets i love her already that was that was the setup for how we're gonna get rid of her where do you think you're going you're thinking of going somewhere i've got something to do something to do yeah [Music] [Laughter] she gets out of jail and she goes right to her brother's funeral apparently she's got a lot of avenging to do for her brother presumably again lady avenger this begins her furious determination to unearth the gang that murdered her brother we called it we called it i thought he just died of like a colon cancer yeah no what she's going what she's avenging is early testing and preventative measures right with cola guard is that the one where you poop in a box you sent it off to richard's house that's what i did you wondered why you got that package and you wondered who it came from you wondered who sent you a box of dung well it was me rich it was me son of a [ __ ] as her quest takes her deeper and deeper into the violent underbelly of gang land east los angeles is gangland next to disneyland yes okay i've been there maggie hunts down her brother's murderers only to stumble on the most horrifying truth of all sometimes what you're looking for is right in your own backyard baby you're all right yes let's go home i'm fine there's nothing traumatic about any of this [Applause] [Music] story's over that's it [Music] oh i'm finishing off a mento and so i don't know they're the fresh maker they're the fresh maker i get i get self-conscious because i know not everyone's a coffee person and so i just had some coffee and i don't want to be here like like you're already getting all this covid you want jack i'm doing this all wrong you want the worst breath possible so it encourages all of us to finish faster i'm so sorry i should have been thinking ahead i just took a mouthful off before we started really yeah yeah oh who picked melting man you did i did uh it's up to you jay all right uh the incredible melting man is about a astronaut that travels to saturn and then he gets exposed to the rings of saturn is that what happens radiation around center radiation center the radiation of the sun as filtered through the rings of saturn sure it kills the other two astronauts but it exposes him to some sort of weird radiation so when he gets back to earth another couple hours later he starts to melt and then he walks around for the next 70 minutes uh not melting anymore but a consistent stage of melting ever-present melting just yeah he's just always at the same stage oh yeah but i mean what happens well he walks uh like through a field and he's kind of melting the the melting man doesn't know what he's doing we don't yeah we don't know anything about this guy's life no we know nothing about oh oh he fell down and he runs into some people and then he leaves them and he continues to kind of melt where is he going uh well i mean he's walking around and like he walks outside of a house yeah but like where is he walking to um [Music] i get it it's it's almost unbelievable how little is going on you know they capture him i guess before we know what happens where he was trying to get to the movie ends before we get to that part of the story i think i see what snarky thing you guys are trying to do but we're all forgetting about dr ted nelson did you get some crackers and his his lovely lovely beautiful wife who doesn't look like an evil dead hat she she uses the best hair care products available to her in 1972. so we don't have any crackers and same with makeup and uh the general general man apparently all these people have a personal connection with the incredible melting man that we've never seen no are you going out again i really don't know what is going on oh they're looking for the incredible melting man but they they're taking a break to look miserable they looked for him they didn't find him so they went back to re-strategize yeah they they they look at him do they ever get him do they ever look at smelting man well he's in bed and he's wrapped in bandages and it just looks exactly like our revenge of nadine skit with blanket he looks identical he's at a cheap hospital yeah and then he escapes and before they can get their hands on them what they bring into their their official medical room is the body of the fisherman that no the body of the nurse the body of the nurse he a melting man wakes up in the hospital he frees himself from the restraints which is just a strap laying on top of him that isn't tied to anything there's james flop down when he moves he wasn't even touched anything he's just laying over him oh my god that's yeah they didn't they didn't take the proper precautions and so he chases a nurse down a hallway in the best scene of the movie [Music] [Laughter] oh my god we got melting man vision we we see this beautiful you know the the nurse sees the melting man in full gore in the first two minutes of the movie slo-mo runs down a creepy warehouse weird-ass hallway yeah smashes through and then gets melted by the melting man that's awesome we see like a half melted face this movie is going to be gangbusters well it's an example of we often say like oh the movie doesn't waste any time it gets right into the good stuff but here's an example of we get the good stuff right away but then the movie has nowhere to go it doesn't know what to do with the stuff it has yeah there's a melting man we got a melting man what does he do he's a mounting man he walks through fields what's his motivation he's melting man yeah are there other people in the movie they're trying to get him why but they want to get him because he's the melting he's a melting man yeah what we have here is a very competent and uh talented special effects artist yeah early early uh effects by rick baker famous academy award-winning makeup effects artist rick baker we should bring out some of his friends actually oh we have we have rick baker creations grab them let's go get them okay and there yeah it's uh we have three gremlin friends from gremlins 2 the new batch created by rick baker the effects artist for the incredible melting man obviously rick baker went on to do much bigger and better things obviously [Applause] [Music] [Laughter] well i will say rick baker's work is the best thing about the film it's arguably the only worthwhile thing about the film i don't know why you're saying arguably [Laughter] there's no argument we were very engaged when the head rolled off of the little uh cliff yeah and smashed on the ground yeah that's the incredible melting man he escapes the facility he kills a fisherman and throws his head into a ravine i guess now we don't know why he's killing people i don't know the back of the box says that he has to eat people to regenerate his melting flesh there's nothing in the movie about that that i can remember no well you mentioned a lot of stuff happens in the first 15 minutes of the movie right and we're we're kind of speculating that this was this was made in the 70s late 1770s uh and that it was sort of a homage throwback to the 50s monster movies because it kind of feels like that if you color graded this to black and white it would look like a terrible 50s movie we keep cutting to scientists in a room talking it's very very general yeah it's dull and there's not a whole lot of action or artistry to it it's just flat and ugly and and so we speculated that this was drive-in fodder in the 70s for teens to smoke weed drink beer in their car and make out and occasionally look up at the screen and when the melting man shows up do you think the first 15 minutes the nurse runs through the glass window that's it's very interesting do you think that's that's what they showed to the exhibitors who own drive-in theaters and they go yeah that's fine we've seen enough you're booked incredible melting man we saw his melting face a nurse a big fat nurse ran through a glass door a nurse had a tits bouncing while she ran through a glass door good enough for me so so that's the first chunk 15 minutes of the movie then the rest is boring as [ __ ] [ __ ] nothing happens there's no motivation uh i think the melting man is supposed to be like a tragic frankenstein monster type figure but he's not but they don't give you enough of that he kills the best old couple in any movie i've ever seen we'll be there in a few minutes i'm taking a shortcut no kidding i thought this was park avenue [Laughter] that is the interesting thing about this movie is some of the side characters because we have the the bickering elderly couple in the car that are stealing lemons that are they stop the car to steal lemons and they're very happy and they're they're enjoying their retirement yeah stealing love this old couple is like the highlight of any community dinner theater like they come on oh we know these two they always give fun little bit performances here's ed and fran love ed and fran and then we have another highlight of the film which is the little kids actually smoking on camera oh [Laughter] and they're really smoking just smoking oh i don't even know if we could show that on youtube still get demonetized you guys have to blur it out child smoke there's like a five-year-old smoking a cigarette smoking swearing and reading playboy actual children glorious yeah and then uh and then oh our other couple the mustache man and his date come back from the movies mustache man says the door is open and she's like you left it open didn't you i don't know i'm stoned are you for the last one out not me and he's like well there's a bunch of [ __ ] weird red slime on the door and it's open i'm gonna go in the house first honey and and examine what what could be some kind of danger in here you wait out here 45 minutes later we come back something has happened in the house we didn't hear any of it she goes in the melty man raided their fridge he's dead i think they had a fight and we didn't see it because they didn't film it she comes in and the whole place is trashed there's slime everywhere there's cans of open cable soup all over the floor i think that's from the garbage maybe not the garbage can over or he opened up a bunch of campbell soup cans disgusting water stains all over the walls well the house was in just just a repair that's just the way the house was someone's like nasty cabin in the woods that they abandoned you know some nasty nasty place he could have slowly been melting throughout the entirety of the film uh i mean it is the title of the film he he could he could like regenerate after he eats somebody we could see that see that's the thing is like they had so little for this movie that the back of the box just made up a plot it says that he eats people to regenerate he's trying to look normal so he could see his wife again something uh he could have had an affair with ted's wife in the past and there's some kind of connection between them oh yeah they mentioned that his wife's pregnant yeah and that never has anything to do with anything not the the melting man's wife scientist ted's wife ted nelson the famous ted nelson did you get some crackers oh maybe maybe the wife's pregnant with melting man's baby and he needs to get at the baby because if he eats his own dna he can be normal again oh that's a that's a plot so uh there are two reasons this movie exists especially they had access to a up-and-comer and therefore cheap special effects artist right that they wanted to take advantage of and showcase a work of and pay him a very little amount of money i'm sure two they had the world's greatest location scout because they had access to a really cool warehouse sci-fi place it was i think it was a power plant where the movie ends do you think those early scenes were shot yeah because there's like a big control room and i i think that doubled as like a general or norad kind of military sure place but it was clearly a 1977 power plant control room uh and then they they did get inside a real looking space capsule yep yeah uh maybe in some kind of museum somewhere because they're flipping those switches and they're locked in it's so convincing yeah and they clearly filmed it during the day very few angles yeah there's just sunlight but then remember they were on that like giant conveyor belt for that that was cool well they're going by they're going by those cages that's the the long hallway the nurse is running up then they had like a people mover thing that's moving and beyond those cages all you see are these like gigantic like electric turbines yeah one after it's like i'm like what kind of building is this and then we see those red and white smoke stacks it's some kind of power plant that they were able to film in multiple spots for remember the the dummy falls off the thing and lands on the electrical cords that was another highlight of the film yeah the the electrical cord ignited all the fireworks that he was smuggling to his child's birthday party i'm going to my kids birthday party after this he really likes fireworks oh my gosh holy [ __ ] wow oh my god [Music] [Applause] that's great he's off the wires and he's still being electrocuted you could see the little tube coming out of his jacket for the fireworks that was great so much electricity got put into him now he's going to come back his electric man i still think he should have become the electric man afterwards and then just just complete coincidence now there's two monsters to do electric man versus the incredible melting man ted ted nelson's plan is like why don't we pit them against each other yeah those won't stop the melting man but electric man can let them fight it'll be just like the amazing spider-man 2. they had some very impressive looking locations which is scraping the absolute bottom of the barrel for compliments to give this movie yeah well to contrast that we have all the disgusting 70s houses the interiors of these [ __ ] houses it's just like a layer of cigarette smoke on everything but yeah no the houses in this movie are far more disgusting than the melting man and those those people i i i well well no the the actors in the movie i noted like the and we rare rarely talk about hair and makeup one of the elements of the big film production uh i don't think they had anybody on hair makeup i think because the lady i mean her hair looks looked like a rat's nest which was rich offered her a comb or a brush and i said it's too late it's too late the film's been shot but but in order to to i'm assuming to decrease glare from lights you know you do the the powder but someone just someone worked on the bozo show did their makeup because it was just like some of those close-ups they were like they look like george romero zombies in in you know day of the dead dawn of the dead and that like the cake was like crackling you can see it i don't know how we had such clarity on our vhs copy but it's a little weird you can tell people we watch the blue ring because we have blu-ray of it oh you're ruining the magic you did legitimately blind pick this but we also but we also have a blu-ray yeah you're like hey we have a blu-ray of this we didn't fake any of these these are real pigs we should have we should we really but you never know until you try right doctor you are a civilian but in this emergency you're under my direct command why is it so important that he hates his wife in this sequence she's my wife that does not exclude her from my orders everybody's gonna know about it by more he's still pissed at her about the crackers he goes off to look for the melting man and he leaves the general at his house and the general just raids his fridge and drinks his beer and steals his turkey legs and that turkey leg was disgusting too that was like a 70s turkey leg but you look at it you know jack you noted that one of the shots in the movie was really neat right it's when the oh yeah when he's getting off the plane general leaves wherever washington or or maybe uh uh where do they launch spaceships from cape canaveral right he he comes to whereversville i i don't know but manville melting man land where melting man is his plane lands right he's supposed to be picked up by a jeep by ted nelson oh 800 hours sharp the plane lands we have this low shot and the the the walkway comes down the general lance and he's in his general shoes and he does a pace a sharp military turn pace yeah one more pace stops looks at his watch here comes the car hair late and a shot like that was neat because it told us in this is normal filmmaking speak it told us that the general is precise and he doesn't appreciate lateness then the car shows up and then the first thing he does is i'm gonna get in this nasty shirt and i'm gonna drink some beer and i don't want to go look for this guy i want to eat a turkey leg yeah and just not do anything yeah they look like why did you set him up like this hard-ass general who's gonna like i'm gonna [ __ ] take care of this problem and he's just he's just hanging out in someone else's house he just instantly like remembered it was the 70s oh yeah let's go back to your house and drink beer and doctors like general i think we should check for melting man more that's why you're here now let's go back to your house and drink beer and talk about your wife yeah they look for him for like an hour and they're just like let's go sleep we lost vietnam i don't care anymore they even went down the road another road i want to check out before we go back home why you know doctor i was married once what's the significance of the road he wants to check out what's the matter are you afraid to go home just a hunch the melting [Music] that's where all the melty men end up yeah can we can we give a shout out to those hero cops yes the only sensible people oh yeah they show up at the end of the movie so so melting men automatically right then there just kills the cop with shotgun no neil no why why does the doctor want him alive so then two other cops come in and ted's like no don't shoot him and they [ __ ] shoot ted right in the head don't move listen to me i'm dr ted nelson yeah oh my god i thought they're just going to shoot the melty man oh good that's [ __ ] amazing yes these are my new favorite characters in the movie they're the real heroes it doesn't work no i mean the melting man just walked off and melted on his own after that the poor janitor had to come in the next morning and clean him up the janitor that works at the powerful janitor that works at the park nothing nothing suspicious or peculiar about a pile of blood and guts and bones we hold on a wide shot of him cleaning it up i couldn't believe how long that went on that was a funny joke that was good rick baker made an awesome head and because of that this movie is preserved on blu-ray and i'm okay with that why are we seeing all this it looks good oh my god oh the skull's cracked over holy [ __ ] okay you're in charge we've been waiting for you ready i'm ready well then everybody rich evans uh very gracefully picked starship as our as our next film star starship is proof that i will never pick a winner oh never say never tell us about starship uh starship uh is a science fiction movie that takes place on a mining colony and you know the people who work there aren't very happy they're having like you know strikes and there's a little rebellion going on and and the evil i presume there the government comes in with with a bunch of military androids and they want to bring in more robots and an android workforce to to kill off all of the people and replace them with robots and our heroes are running around what's he doing what's his goal yes absolutely absolutely [Laughter] just dollar there's dollar tree luke skywalker there's not daisy ridley there's uh other girl oh and then there is a creepy porcelain doll tiny robot man yes and then half size c-3po have size three p c-3po sort of like a mixture of both r2d2 and c3po yeah yeah cause he can do like you know computer things like he has a program there's a little bit of twiggy what uh buck rogers i thought you're talking about the model no i'm talking about the robot voiced by bell blank in the buck rogers tv show that's like 127 years before my time look it up look it up it's an amazingly good comparison okay i'll take care of it's an amazingly good comparison the ultimate goal of the film is that there's a spaceship called red wing which is on the planet all the humans that are the workers protesters activists whatever they are right yeah they don't want to work or they don't like the conditions uh bad guy we we presumed that our heroes needed to steal the ship so they can get all of the humans off the planet do they say that they say okay and then why do they not rescue anybody i mean whatever whatever way they want to go on the desert planet it's fine with me i just uh need to know what they're trying to do yeah that'd be great or who they are trying to shut down the bbc broadcasting i don't know there's not gonna be a doctor who christmas special this year i never thought monty python was funny anyway [Laughter] they remember when they go in the bbc broadcasting booth with the tv switchers and the the realtor reel tape yeah little robot man played by uh deep roy deep roy what i know him from he's he's been in a ton of stuff but he's the guy that rides the snail and never ending story he's the oompa but he plays like a little c-3po robot he's teaching children in the beginning he's like the school robot but he's also trained for war and he's a seasoned co-pilot and he's a co-pilot we'll get into all that later but the point is is that their the goal of the movie seems to be to get all the humans onto this ship and off the planet before robots with football helmets on murder them all yes and that and they get that information in the broadcasting booth it prints out on the screen yeah that was very useful and it said what the bad guy's plan is the bad guy just sits there and waits he reads a book he says yeah he doesn't move from his office for most of the movie while he's waiting for i think more robots to come down to complete the process of executing all the humans because he just is going to take over the mine i guess that's kind of lawless on whatever planet this is there's no governing body that's going to come in and you know say what it's probably too far away from the government really just evacuate the humans well this is much easier i think there's a line where he says we'll shoot them all up and just bury them out in the desert and we'll get rid of him he says something like that so that's much easier than like relocating them yes so he's really bad and then in the middle why are all the robots at the discotheque [Music] that's kind of neat there's just a shelf of robot heads yeah [Music] that's fun you threw a bomb at them yeah yeah what what happened yeah they crawl on top of a giant piece of construction equipment that's very impressive yes they don't do anything to make it look like it's from the future but it's a very big piece of construction equipment that they had access to it's like a big dump truck it's like a super-sized dump truck yeah that's when oh we should mention the movie was shot in australia and so that whole sequence feels very mad max and it's it would be a cool action scene if you could see what was happening but that's another problem with this movie is that every shot is like a claustrophobic extreme weird close-up it was sci-fi in almost no way the action sequence on the ridiculously large truck was kind of neat it was a neat idea it was a they had a big dump truck someone hanging off of it oh remember it had in there our main character's head got knocked off that's fine oh they ran over the thing oh yeah they ran over a car oh right yeah that was exciting i bet everyone on set just thought that was the greatest [ __ ] thing that ever happened to oh sure [Music] oh that really happened oh my god those tires look at that that's awesome this is [ __ ] this looks as big as the sand crawlers and star wars this is this is so cool let's use this but see then you maybe add some sound effects uh on top that's another thing you should shoot it yeah you shoot it in such a way where it's like oh maybe like it's it's really low angle so you can't see the top of it and then it's like that oh now we're in there you've got a matte painting so the background looks alien there's a there's an extra moon in the sky at the very least put some blinky lights on the thing just hot glue some blinky lights onto the side a little control panel with blinking yes yeah yeah they have to be like a little low warble would have added so much to just like like it was a floaty engine right that was like a plastic little plastic tank spray painted silver with like a like a the nuclear logo to show that it's run by a nuclear power it's so fusion reactor it's cold fusion reactor that runs rock fusion reactor yeah any it's hot glue and some spray paint temperatures 36 mega kelvins but the thing is that truck belongs to somebody's big just the mining company they let them run over a car with it oh they didn't tell them they probably just did that yeah boy we had an accident on set today we ran over a car how's the truck it's fine was it just a truck how big of a truck how about uh about three meters long metric jokes we smashed it like when i squashed my smash my shrimp on the barbie oh you didn't do that mate you crossed the car you crushed the car with me big old truck i no longer feel bad about my australia fun fact about australians is they always know when someone's doing a really bad accent when they say shrimp on the barbecue oh yeah yeah because they don't call it shrimp australians just don't know how to do vehicle action scenes that's true no australian australians no australian has ever done that has ever done a good action scene with cars ever i get your joke [Laughter] we were worried mike that you didn't no i know what he's talking about i'll give them credit the movie opens with a very impressive miniature spaceship landing yes that's so cool so far i'm on board we've seen one shot look at the clouds are different they're they're a different layer i'm saying this is quality effect this is more space than we saw in the other movie with space yeah but now we're just on earth we're outside of arizona whoa once again we were filled with hope for the first shots of this movie yeah it was it was it was a good enough miniature that i was i was with them through some of their other locations even though you know they look pretty contemporary but you know we saw the great space shot i know we're in space but eventually that wore off like eventually we see people enough people like wearing jeans and leather jackets and holding up actual polaroid pictures they told me you were down here captain i didn't believe them [Music] [Laughter] the future technology sorry no it's okay the big truck had rubber tires in the back like and i'm not saying you can't have rubber tires in space but make them space tires make them a space polaroid you know there's some extra tubes on the truck well all the football helmet uh stormtroopers they just have regular guns they don't have like space guns blasters or anything though they added in some space sound effects for some of them only in the first scene of the movie and then they stopped caring about it like i said the movie falls apart as it goes along yes [Music] this is awesome compared to the rest of the movie oh yeah yeah sorry i should have added that copy but that but then it well the ending while not good they they do have a spaceship hallway set and then they do remember that there's a sequence where the red wing takes off and it breaks through the ceiling yeah and it it on very unceremoniously kills our bad guy by debris falling on his head off camera it happened so quick i didn't even realize it happened until he pointed it out uh oh that guy's dead yeah yeah oh a bad guy it's so we're i don't think we're selling the the complete confusion that we were suffering during this movie this movie bills itself as something akin to blade runner or george lucas's favorite uh space uh battle franchise we cannot say the name legally um and there are a ton of one-to-one comparisons to george lucas's space battle franchise but then you apply the tone and pacing of blade runner on top of it and it doesn't work and the confusion of dune i've lost track of what's happening they're on the ship though but why to to fly it away be again same human but obviously like they're no longer on the ship set because that was a telephone did you see it just watching this movie fall apart as it goes along the little robot uh uh deep roy who plays we'll call him r2po r23po art to earth that's c3 d2 it's a little clunky but um c380 mate well he's made for australia no [Music] i just want to go home now can we is that a possibility i got it okay this is really good ready r2d2 c3po we call him acdc australian rock band yes thank you you knew that australian rock band i was worried because josh wasn't here sure i'm mildly amusing we all know ac dc but do you know they're from australia i do but it wouldn't have been the first thing i thought yes yeah yes it would have taken me a minute the the the the thing with the movie is there is no demonstrable goal that our heroes have and if there is it is so poorly told to us that none of us watching could understand it well i mean we thought the goal was to get to the ship so you can load up all the miners and all the people in the town into the ship to escape the planet right but then they get in the ship and they just try to leave and i guess they don't care about any of the people anymore in fact they do leave they don't show all the people getting on the ship they just fly off as far as we know let's see what's going on hey so come in we're not saving in you've anybody it jawed's dead all we need is a transporter to get us out of here abby do what you can she didn't die in vain so they weren't going to save anybody until that voice came on the radio so like that was their mission wasn't to save everyone they're like oh i guess we will it's like an afterthought that's crazy they're going to save the people now i guess so yeah no they're leaving wait i think they're going back down no no no they're going to earth it's a destination well like look he's like abby will be with us forever so i guess we don't need to get anyone i i what [Laughter] my god i have a like a headache what that was beautiful that's it for starship uh great so we're done well we have to talk about lady avenger jack you picked that david dakota classic lady avenger starts the movie in jail gets out of jail to attend her brother's funeral that's where the movie starts with her brother technically the movie opens with somebody ejaculating bags of cocaine on her dead brother's girlfriend yes her brother gets killed uh there's cocaine involved she gets out of jail to go to the funeral then she wants to figure out who killed her brother and avenge him the saddest thing i can say is this was the most coherent film we watched tonight you know if you want to see the good version of this you know this reminds me of reacher on amazon any of you watch that it's called reach around yeah no it's called reacher it's it's just quality action schlock okay where the guy the protagonist brother is murdered and they go on uh this revenge fueled rampage where they're trying to find out who did it okay i thought you're going to say if you want to see the good version of this watch any other action revenge film from the 1980s pretty much that's what it is we got drugs we got evil evil uh stepfather character which is supposed to be twist but we called it 30 seconds into the movie i think you and your brother have done a pretty damn good job him with his attitude and his drugs his stepfather hasn't been bad enough yeah he's not he's the best people about our daughter in prison i'm not your daughter damn right you're not you know you got some car chases it's all very standard stuff we got to talk about that car chase though we got to talk about car chases in general yeah the famous car chase this is the movie that finally made me ask what is it that makes a good car chase because the other cars they're going fast i'm not entertained at all by any of it [Music] [Music] although the ending of this because the people that are chasing her are the the people that work at the dock they're just thugs and we're introduced to them she's like spying on the dock because she got the the book of matches or whatever it is so these thugs come out and just start [ __ ] with her and her boyfriends and we had no idea that they were connected to the plot at all so they start they have we thought they were we thought it was just like a reason to reduce that she was a badass yeah oh she's going to kick their ass and we're going to be established that fact here right because she kicks their ass and they drive away and then they start chasing her and that's our car chase and we had no idea they were connected to the plot and then at the end of the car chase they hit another car what we theorized is that the explosion ended up being much bigger than they were expecting because both cars are completely engulfed in flames oh they're gonna jump it holy [ __ ] both cars are on fire their cars are dead their cars on fire literally clearly so then they had to do a reshoot where they show uh lady avenger in her car with like comical soot on her face and we don't see the boyfriend in the car with her the boyfriend could not come back for the reshoot so he's just not there we assumed he was dead but he comes back later in the movie and then we have just adr of the thugs saying i'll get you next time gadget not over yet we'll be back to get you [ __ ] the only thing i can think of is that yeah the explosion was much bigger than they planned yeah and they they appear later in the film so they didn't know what to do they could have just put a camera in like a random alleyway and have them run out covered in soot and say we'll get you later like kind of maybe injured like hobbling a little and they run away that's another shoot that's another like five minutes of shooting and then the car because you see the car explode yes so you have to just use your imagination that they got out of the car i guess but i mean that stuff happens you gotta use it oh yeah yeah well god use it that was half their budget they got more than their budget worth the other disappointing thing about this movie is the action sequences in general are very boring suck on this [ __ ] oh my god she avenged set the pinata she's earning so many points she's a terrible shot not the stuffed zebra she's either just shooting a little gun at people and killing them actually no that's all she's doing oh she does light one guy on fire she has a flamethrower for one moment oh look at all those cardboard boxes i'm hoping and pinatas everything's flammable [ __ ] yeah [Music] and it's it's upsetting because all the back story for her to be a badass is there she was in prison in fact she gets into a little scuffle when we meet her in prison and i thought that was going to be the setup for oh i've been in prison i know how to fight now but she gets her ass kicked by the a big like scene where all the inmates are surrounding them yeah it's like at lunchtime and they're you know they they start a prison fight and she's got to fight her way out of it i think this woman was had zero martial arts talents or else they would have used it yeah at no point in this movie do i ever buy this woman as being a badass you're getting close you can put sunglasses on her when she's inside and i'm still not gonna buy it you can wear a tank top like a uh sarah connor badass tank top in the in the bandana do it do you want i'm not buying it it's not gonna work yeah because she does not well she hits someone with a bat too let's not forget that so but she she cannot punch or kick they probably tried it and if she was really bad at it and then they regretted hiring her she wasn't weird science we gotta keep her she's our star power yeah we can't get rid of her we couldn't get cameron mitchell to play the step dad so she's all we got cameron mitchell turned us down oh no a female who is good at martial arts and kickboxing who may not be good at acting that would be fine because she's not good at acting either i know nothing and it doesn't make any difference what i say but my brother's dead i saw them put him in the ground and he's not she's good i can understand why she got the part of stripper in beverly hills cop2 don't forget about her famous role as shameless woman i was going to say uncomely woman but yeah shameless woman that's it show her angry face that's her acting angry or her surprise face or her reading you're reading a piece of paper you have to act like you're reading a piece of paper did you tell this to the police also he has a tiny bed and airplanes and cars it's time to take down the racing car posters why is she moving so much do you see that yeah she's like bobbing up and down resurrection is uncomfortably poking into her back she can never get your step father she just kind of looks like she's going down on jeff because she looks like she's trying to get out oh and then he's like he's like choking her and she's like oh yeah they're trying to have an emotional scene and she looks so awkward she hasn't what was she trying to act she was trying to do something right sad is she trying to do sad i don't think she was acting i think she was legitimately uncomfortable in the position she was i think they couldn't they couldn't fit the tripod where where it was supposed to go so she had to like lift her legs in the air and hold them like like like in a in a crunch setup position like she was holding the camera no she was just her legs had to be lifted up the room was so small yeah to be out of the way of the tripod so imagine lifting your legs for like like 30 minutes she's like like sitting on his knee and it's like oh his knees right in my back oh my mom and dad oh that makes sense yeah this is clearly very uncomfortable yes your brother was found dead the day before yesterday how he was murdered i really can't say any more than that but what about the plot what about it what about it what happens in the film uh there's some guys and and drugs or something that's pretty good yeah yeah well her father is not her father her real her real father had died which i they don't really explain it but i'm going to assume he was secretly murdered by her stepfather who moved in to marry her mother these pills make me so thirsty uh for uh the fact that the mother had the the deed to a bunch of land uh that that the father left the kids and the father did not want them to develop the land which kind of makes it worthless unless you sell it [Laughter] my father left that land of jeff and i he wants to leave it undeveloped but that was that was dad's wishes sure sure don't sell the land just you can have the grass just keep it and pay taxes on it every year it's just going to be a burden unless you sell it but don't sell it yeah well i want her to sign control of that land over to me we need money i can use that land to get some so lady avengers brother was was was and maria his girlfriend were caught up in the world mexican who wasn't mexican so she probably wasn't a gang some drug dealers they think it may have been a gang his girlfriend was mexican [Laughter] might just thinking about this movie physically hurt you it does it does it it is look at your the look at your face is actually here's here's the i'm trying to piece it together yeah she breaks away from the matron has sex with her boyfriend they sniff around the boats get into the big car chase then the timeline splits lady avenger goes to the warehouse and kills the guys no one else knows that yet at the same time the uh saved by the bell thugs go kill her boyfriend because the boyfriend and lady avenger were sniffing around the boats then timelines meet up again when the saved by the bell preps learned that lady avenger killed the low-level thugs and then at some point lady avengers stole their drugs it's now time to move on to the big boss zach morris lets her know that daddy's in charge even though it's her stepdad yeah so then she goes back to the house to take care of the big guy and and should we mention her her friends she calls it yeah uh and how she's involved she's sleeping with us all she's just sleeping with everybody but but she back betrays lady avenger yes and then she runs to her stepdad for help late uh not lady avenger what's her they actually michelle bauer michelle bauer runs to the father and she says protect me and he goes get out and then he shoots her in the tit let me save you the trouble oh why is he running away why didn't he shoot just shoot her shoot her shoot eventually first while she was in shock yeah of her friend being shot yeah like the police already know that she's dangerous and it has a gun like you could just say she shot her or something he has the perfect excuse yeah yeah and then he has a grandpa pants pulled up with his gun and his scramble pants and then they play some action music that is so generic you're able to say what the music is going to be before the music happens oh yes you did a great job there yay that told me there's tension it's like the random drum hits too yeah i was right on with the timing that was not fixed in editing mike did that live it was not so the big exciting finale is stepfather as mike are you starting to melt let me finish my [ __ ] sentence so the big ending his stepfather has failed in his request to get drugged out mom to sign over the land yes yes for his he just wants to sell for cash because they need some money remember he says how are you supposed to live in a house like this and afford this and that uh so he says lady avenger you've got my cocaine let's drive to the airport lock it up in a locker and bring your drugged out mom with for some reason get in the back of the car as a hostage true and we're going to the airport yeah lady avenger has a small pistol hidden in her sock that's right that was not established at any point it should have been established yeah and then she says her most famous movie line in movie line history and it is a famous line everybody knows this line learned something in jail there happens to be two kinds of people jack [ __ ] and the [ __ ] you she's a [ __ ] [Music] [Laughter] oh grandma's had a bad week that's where you want your action movie to end is in a driveway exciting conclusion of your action film you happen to be uh well i think uh it's that time i'll start from left oh well i mean lady avenger but that's just because the other two movies we watched were the incredible melting man in starship that's the bar solely the bar was so low that lady avenger was the best rich oh jesus christ think about what film made you happy this morning what film moved you none of them moved me technically i mean technically incredible melting man moved you literally to do other things i mean lady avenger has the most competent script out of all of these and it's still one of the most incompetent scripts i've ever seen but you know what you know what starship had had good miniatures it had some weird uh creepy dull robots and i get the sense that somebody tried i i think i speculate that maybe somebody actually tried when they made this it was hard to tell through all the close-ups don't throw the close-ups but i'm giving it to starship uh prepared to be even more shocked before you finish that sentence mike remember we have recorded evidence of your pick for best of the worst which i have just edited out no i'll show it i'll show it i'll be honest you have to say this on camera so there's a record yeah what are you what are you betting i've already picked lady avengers my best of the worst everybody which movie haven't we watched tonight we have not watched lady avenger and based on the two films before it it cannot possibly be worse than the two films before it there's no way okay that is now on the record that is on the record we're gonna see the results later on nothing could be worse than starship or the incredible melting man wow i i predict i will know what's happening in lady avenger i was absolutely miserable during these uh and then i started watching this i'm saying especially after this one because this was so ugly and i couldn't tell it is so frustrating when we started this one up i'm like oh i can see what's happening i understand what's going on oh a car crash uh some stuff but i gotta go with the incredible melting man and i'm not doing this as well everybody saw that coming a mile away no because i wrote a little note in my alpha in order to get the full experience i've f after i've watched all three films uh yes nothing happens in most of this movie but yeah nothing happens it was it had the the the wonderful melting man makeup effects by rick baker it had the nurse running through the door it had it had and and i think what i liked about it was um all all those disgusting crystal clear blu-ray quality 1970s era sets from the disgusting house to the to the the control room to that to that that hospital remember that hospital like it was like a morgue almost yeah and it was so i remember all the things that happened in the film yeah and then because two things happened in the film it's really easy to remember all the things that happened it kind of and it was frustrating but in a fun way and then remember when when the incredible melting man when they they had they had eight minutes of footage to add to the movie to get it to run time yeah and and they just filmed him walking around in front of a light in the woods and that brought back some like some don dolar like like just warmth warmth to my heart my pick is an incredible melting man i'm j i'm not surprised i'm not you are you have so much power right now it's amazing how much power you have um don't you remember when the general ate a turkey leg i do i do right it's amazing wow you remember this is how low we've got you remember ape j a ay do you remember what the general did nate he made phone calls he made phone calls nonstop this general he got in his comfy clothes he had got him in someone else's house he started digging around in someone's fridge i mean it's i mean you can pick out things from that movie and when you describe them they sound funny weird movies as a whole it's a bad weird movie if i were to choose a movie that i would watch again it would be starship i knew it and so so why would you watch that again that's the one i would say i'm least likely to ever watch again i think rich you said it was a cure for insomnia and then you picked it for best of the worst look look these are all these are all awful alpha films every one of them lady avenger skews slightly on the generic side incredible melting man skews incredibly on the boring side the only choice left is starship which at least will hold your attention for a little bit i picked horseshit over [ __ ] rich it's like i'm out of here that has to be the closing bid because rich is done i i guess we have no choice british is going to melt them we're going to put all these movies into a montage of the best moments from all of them it'll be under two minutes oh he just threw up his shoes rich off camera just threw them right into the garbage oh that's fine i'll take that oh and he's leaving oh he's leaving the studio i guess we're done here right outside oh my god he's actually going outside it's like four degrees out in the wisconsin winter rich just went outside without a jacket on yeah i think he's just gonna walk home he's so mad well i guess that's the end of the show [Music] come on it's my turn [Music] i could really use a drink about now

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 1,173,210

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, plinkett, half in the bag, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans

Id: HgNKJhT74jU

Length: 73min 54sec (4434 seconds)

Published: Sun Feb 27 2022

Reddit Comments

[u/eldersveld]

“The immortal space war classics from George Lucas”

I’m fucking dead

[u/NegativesPositives]

I appreciate that someone during editing did not decide to blur out children smoking because that would just make the imagery worse

[u/ChadLord78]

Melting Man really is the stereotypical b-movie with 5 minutes of awesome scenes surrounded by 70 minutes of nothing.

[u/Gnometron]

At 31:36, Mike and Jay sync up and move their heads and feet at the same time. They both are so in sync watching bad movies even their exhaustive expressions are the same.

[u/eldersveld]

Their reactions to casual racism had me laughing harder than anything else in the whole video.

Anyone remember that Wheel of the Worst video about ways to get revenge, where the host said "if your mark is a member of The Minority, you might turn him over to the immigration service"?

[u/totalperspec]

I think Rich Evans just knocked over an entire shelf of tapes while prepping for a normal, gimmick-free episode. Then they Photoshopped a blindfold on him and filmed Jack and Jay also wearing them afterwards to cover up his shame.

[u/BionicTriforce]

Those first four minutes are a great example of showing your characters. Jay just goes for a shelf and grabs a tape. Rich employs excessive boobery. Jack carefully goes through several tapes until he finds one that is aesthetically pleasing.

[u/Chunga99]

I don't like dirty clamshells.

Same here.

[u/syphilis_sandwich]

Mike bringing back the #BirdBoxChallenge