Best of the Worst: Future War, The Jar, and White Fire

[Music] hey Mike oh hey Josh how are you I'm I'm great how are you doing I'm doing great it's been a while since we've seen you yeah I've been away long enough that you've built these cool new shelves yeah and you've got a mall to set apart in all these different genres all organized in these different genres it's really cool oh no did you say genres [Music] [Music] let's rent Smith this we gotta watch the barrels as honours well I had a pot of coffee and I'm ready to talk about what films were gonna watch today great and I thought since we had them organized into their own spots that we could pull one for me Chandra oh yeah like action sci-fi and horror yeah okay yeah how about these of those look great although they were all in the same shelf our first film is future war oh my god my favorite actor is in a daniel Bernhardt he is from he is he has a name I'm not convinced anymore he's from such classic films as and and my favorite also Robert sadar is in this old and we all love Robert sadar rest in peace rest in peace he's missed it came from the future to hunt humans and then this looks like a Jean Claude Van Damme and then there's two cyborgs looking characters I'm going to guess none of this is in the film good guess or Roberts at are photoshopped onto a Borg costume okay and well I'm going to start with the special feature special features movie oh no one is safe in this deadly sci-fi tale of a master race of cyborgs from the future who abduct humans from the past reading them as slaves okay apparently no one's safe from punctuation either bloodthirsty dinosaurs oh my god whoa okay our trained as trackers impossible to outrun but when a human daniel burnhardt natural breaks free a bloody war begins and the cyborgs are forced to battle against vigilantes street gangs and drug lords there's no deadly race for the future that kind of sounds amazing so this is a winner I hope oh wow look at the fancy discs they hired top graphic artists on this project I'm almost just impressed they didn't just Sharpie the name on so well maybe someone did they just spent a really long time doing did a really good job [Music] oh is that supposed to be a pit I believe that is supposed to be a pit they couldn't afford an actual pit oh and so they're not showing the pit they couldn't afford the [ __ ] oh yes harness or [Music] [Music] [Applause] to drink we've got actually from the Super Mario Brothers it is he does harder to drink in the lie down [Applause] what's next Josh the love butcher he wants more than your love he wants success in his field oh yeah yes because I'm wondering if that [ __ ] tape will even play it looks like it's been through a nuclear explosion Wow it's like a post-apocalyptic just tape it's just it's just yeah and someone has really printed it's finger marker on the spine Oh Oh again this may be a handwritten label like our last film that's impressive the VHS tape will start like turning into dust the second we hit play so we tried to watch the love butcher but it butchered our VCR you see this right here look look in there you see that that's the [ __ ] love butcher we can't even get it out of the [ __ ] VCR talk about overstay its welcome so instead we're going to watch the jar it blows the lid off terror certainly blows what is that is that like jar full come look there's a little guy little guy in there oh yeah a little goblin in there the classifiers horrors rated-r oh oh yeah yep things are good so far let me tell you about the jar all right I'm glad you told me okay we did it it's rated R good so far let me tell you about the jar feel like a regular nipsey Russell all right all right Paul once an easygoing guy has just experienced the shock of his life and now he's gone absolutely crazy oh my god he's just come face-to-face use me I thought that wasn't stuff let me do that again just came off a swing he's just come face to gruesome face with a repulsive embryonic creature he discovered in a jar and it sure looks like it's out to get him he can't get hold of himself and those bizarre nightmares are really getting on his nerves he's not even paying attention to his beautiful neighbor crystal and that's not normal it's that thing in the jar that's to blame but for some reason he just can't seem to get rid of it hmmm crystal or the thing which I don't know it's already made his life miserable and now it wants to kill him boy does Paul have a monster of a problem why would actually president the crystal has a mouth circle right name is Paul Sturge Tabuchi moments of Shadows the flickering seconds of memories I stand on the edge of darkness I am the night this is this is someone's college fete a film school film music composed and performed by obscure sighs obscure sighs like Oh sighs yeah I uh sighs II know no sighs like obscure sighs as opposed to those common sizes that we all know about I've never heard of obscure sighs they must be very very forgettable score by tangerine dream ice wall the severed hand is driving a car that's clever there's someone coming from what came on noise crash turned on glowing green crotch what word up that's that scene they might be poetry over black to start that's that's check number one [Music] go to her next vote White Fang starring Robert didn t Oh Robert Kinsey is the strangest adaptation of a Jack London novel I've ever seen I don't remember a chainsaw but oh sorry white fire extermination is the reward for the world's richest prize does that make any sense well here's where it makes sense you remember how that guy was the exterminator yes remember are you sure oh it's on call back to that and then the rest of its just words extermination is the reward for the world's richest price did I just have a stroke or does it no way that it's it's what it says extermination is the reward for the world's richest prize which means that the world's richest prize is going to be exterminated that's how I realize that doesn't make any sense no it no it's [ __ ] white fire 91 minutes [ __ ] has the most important information that's very important the legendary 200 carat white fire diamond is so brilliant that it burns at the touch no it's also the target of smugglers and thieves the world over that makes sense yes now if you have to have gloves though watch our if you want to touch it yeah the elusive gem has been uncovered in Istanbul and adventurer Bo Donnelly and his sister conspired to make this heist their grand exit from a highly successful career in international diamond smuggling sure because yeah if you have a diamond that literally burns to the touch you've wrapped it up you got a retire after yeah and who doesn't have a successful career in international time and smugly I'm an international diamond smuggler but you know justice I dated a yeah trying to pay the rent it's more of a hobby yeah oh look at a guy hey listen you're not during the day I always wanted to turn it into a career but I just didn't know how to how to take it up the next level this must smuggle very small diamonds they're easier to smuggle do you think Robert Ginty will actually stab anyone with this chainsaw a person yeah no okay no I think he might take apart some property do you think there will even be a diamond in this movie it'll be about a cyborg or something so he's cut box is long but when they get the world's richest prize we know that their reward will be extermination mm-hmm and so our reward be their job to wait here but like we we make sure no one gets away I think you start cutting people it's something they were raising the tension okay beautiful that guy had nothing to do with anything he was just hanging around [Music] so we're the blue team and you guys are the green team apparently and are we ready to talk who's rooting for what well we're just gonna get assigned points or we can't we all just root for death can we all be on the same team I think we all eventually one of us will have to leave this in nej you should take the reins on this of the most rich you want to you never we always ask rich and then rich goes on it was the first film we watched was this film called future war Jay would you please tell everybody about future war future war is the Terminator with more cardboard boxes you got it you got to start with the credits cuz they really push the whole Terminator thing [Music] but the font is the same ish the way the title gonna Scrolls across them it's cheaper version of the terminal right yeah yeah you're talking about the main 25 okay I remember the credits being intercut with with the opening sequence yeah where all the action was happening off camera apparently [Music] [Applause] did you hear that door sound effect yeah but the door didn't open some things happening somebody used the door it's a it's a door sound effect and we all have it this is it and it's in the film yeah well I think what's his name Daniel Bernhardt was is a human in the future and he's a slave to androids that fly around his patient but when humans escaped them because they're their slaves when they escaped then they would send the cyborgs which is Robert xodar and and what's his name mullet man oh yeah mullet man and the the cyborgs had trained dinosaurs they're the trackers the track they escaped humans they had kidnapped dinosaurs from the past taking them to the future and trained them to be hunters so they could then take them to the Past to track to the left not it said not as far past as the dinosaur era yeah mostly they're the size of dogs and they're adorable well there were some big ones right well well big in the sense that they were closer to the lens well regardless of the the terrible plot the stupid idea it was an amazingly bad movie yeah this is this is a very very special movie so our guy action man at first seems like a dummy here's something wrong with your throat yeah you can understand us but but you can't talk right is that it is that it when I nod my head like this I mean yes so when I shake my head no I mean no right I think he didn't know our language at first he had to learn our language and the actor didn't know our language either yeah but first we thought he was just so terrible that they decided he was mute yeah yeah how is it you know English today when you didn't know English yesterday it was hard for me to understand him for all the problems I had maybe I just didn't want to be a part of his the first big dialogue scene with him they fade the audio out and the female character they just bring in a voiceover of her explaining what he's talking about so we don't have to see him act she narrates what he's saying dummy crawls out of the crawls out of the surf and then there's clear will clearly somebody chasing him and then he find out that the guy who chased him has a dinosaur on a leash and then they wander into an industrial area to the cardboard box Factory oh you said it kids inside one of the boxes playing like fort right now we're inside oh this is what we got there are Terminator above a bunch of boxes oh but look they've built little gaps into it oh my god how easily is moving those cardboard is so strong movie this one we learn this movie has set Lexia yeah because it's outside the boxes and then with no transition suddenly they're inside with boxes and then suddenly there's plastic everywhere and everything is now cold for some reason and I'm not sure whether or not the plastic is supposed to be ice I'm not convinced it's funky verse I said yeah there's oh look at the ho no Oh easily I hope the whole movie is in this cardboard box man and then remember when when dummy kicks the cyborgs into the pile of cardboard boxes and then there's all the glass crashing and all but [Applause] you're not fooling me movie mm-hmm it wasn't until the dinosaurs attacked the house that it became brillance me when they attack the dollhouse right but really this does kind of bring around what we felt the overall movie was was a child's fight scenario shot on a 17 dollar budget it's not a cardboard box it's like an old leather case from a thrift store that they just stuck a lens on the end of oh there's the adorable junior cop and Sergeant oh yeah I'm solo camp yes where is police camp and talking on mom's kitchen phone it's amazing how how this looks like a child made it yeah it's little Timmy he's making his own terminator yeah it is little dinosaurs but some dinosaurs in the movie like t-rex he wrecks was the movie made around the fact that they had a couple of robotic dinosaurs which came first the concept or the dinosaur puppet [Music] there's a couple dinosaurs once they get killed we discover that they explode [Applause] there's one escaped slave there are two cyborgs and there are like seven or eight dinosaurs throughout the movie so that's really where the where the the focus goes to the intention of the dinosaurs is that they're trained to hunt down the escaped slaves but for some reason there's a wonderful montage sequence where they're attacking random people and then there are people in a house or a room that are trying to barricade their doors empty boxes like he'll Forrest J Ackerman in the park he's just throwing along reading this magazine there's the author as he often would back in the day and and oh my goodness a dinosaur but I think it was around this point Robert sadar finally showed up oh yes yeah we were starting to wonder it's like an hour into the movie we're like where's Robert zidar a solid hour into an 85 minute movie starring Robert Siddarth yes he's not there yet and he finally wanders in and he's and he's got he's got this this outfit pretty much yeah yeah he's one of the robots the assassins [Music] the weirdest part though is we see Robert zidar in maybe three shots of his first scene and the rest is clearly a body double this is the saddest little this way kidding this is the best [ __ ] police it's the best police station I've seen since top dollar Robert for an afternoon and they just filmed his close-up yeah and all these are like body for four minutes so the former prostitute and drug dealer who turned into a nun decides to go back to her old friends this second Street gang the twelfth waiting game because she needs help fighting a t-rex yes and who better to help you find a t-rex than some low-level thugs your help for what seems over and instead of doing things that a gang would do to defeat a t-rex they string up a big pole attached a fishing wire that stabs miniature t-rex in the fight in the face and that proved really frustrating because throughout the movie we've seen that these dinosaurs are really susceptible to guns it's real easy to stake them out it wasn't just yeah that's the thing about the second half of the movie is that it becomes about we need to kill these dinosaurs and the entire like threat of cyborgs is gone but we've already seen them kill like five dinosaurs why is this a threat there's nothing to stop them from bringing in more dinosaurs from the future you're really you're really gonna want to save out of the jar yeah a jar you're right yeah I'll save some of this precious booze [Music] but the grace of the Holy Spirit do you want to spend your whole life in the service of God's people yes [Applause] Church up we thought Robert zidar was only gonna show up for that one senior because he shows up and there's like three close-ups of them and that's it for the entire sequence and then he gets killed he's just random cyborg man yeah we almost thought it was from a different movie that they just that theory after that scene was that this was they just had unused footage of him Bela Lugosi style and plan 9 and they just put it into this but then he does show back up mm-hmm at the very end so does his body double yes such an exciting fight just kept from kicking him in the face over and over and over again that's that one guys let's move it so it always works I think it blows is heaven yeah this better be good [Music] and it sure sounds like we're all like defeated by future no future war was the most entertain one of the most interesting movies ever it's almost impossible to discuss it because it's so non Sun so you need to experience it you need to experience yeah you can't describe the plot you can't describe all the little moments that happen in it how they all fit together or don't fit together it's just it's it's an amazing film yes yeah it's ambitious and it's adorable and they just they try their asses off yeah and failed horribly yeah to our benefit yeah it's it's amazing grown-ups made this movie [Laughter] Jurassic Park small to see let's go faster must go faster what Oh close the fence [Music] I just I just want to stress I mean we really loved future war a great great film just after watching future war just something something sucked all of the life out of us Oh what was that the second movie we watched was the jar Mike would you tell us about the jar because [ __ ] you the jar it blows the lid off terror no you didn't need to continue okay well I like that you did you do this on purpose you move the giant thing of booze to where the jar was it blows the lid off terror this cover guest tries to make it look like a Hobgoblin like the stuff the stuff with a monster yeah this is a misleading cover to say the least yes the cover drew us a you know another movie we watched with a misleading cover the item yeah also made it look like a monster and there are some similarities okay yeah you know what other movie we'll watch with a misleading cover future war that's true that's true you never know two of those three people are not even in the movie there while there is a little creature in a jar you don't really see it too much it never seems to get out of the jar and essentially it's a 90-minute long experimental college film yes with where you can't tell what's real what's not it's a jar to rawski movie kind of no no that's an insult like a total topo and this reminded me of it a little especially I'll tell what was better than the jar even it's it's abstract but you know that there are ideas behind it the jar there are no ideas behind it this is some jackass filming a bunch of random abstract [ __ ] and then I'm sure he went around saying you bring your own interpretation to it after he showed it to people maybe why is my tub full of soup but we should we should point out like I think you guys even if it was a good like abstract experimental movie you guys aren't into that kind of thing I am to a certain extent yeah and this is just a failed attempt at that like this doesn't work as an experiment so it's not like it's bad because it's experimental it's bad experimental yeah Tim green likes artsy movies team green says this sucks balls yes I like minimalist abstract horror films and this fails so hard team blue likes our clear cohesive narrative solid story structure sometimes you watch a 5 minute long college short where it's you have all the cliches of visuals and stuff that that look artistic yeah and this is 2 hours of it and boy oh boy this one is maybe one of the worst things it's one of the worst things we've ever watched [Music] my imaginations getting carried away Oh Oh No oh it really is one of the worst things I mean watch we can boil the plot down real quick is that a guy gets in a car crash with another guy and somehow men an older man yes I mean it's just to inherit a jar from him even though you're first to it as a bottle and the old man disappears from out of his house now now this is our interpretation because the first 20 minutes of the movie are basically pitch black the car accident is a little vague he doesn't the it's clear what's happening old man is injured take me to my house don't forget my jar yeah which is in a brown paper bag and then he opens it up and then I'll hold well as we are to assume that what he opens is the jar because we don't see it he has a paper bag he opens it up and then we just cut to the little monster thing inside and we're like the only reason we know that that's the monster in the jar is because we've read the back of the box the point was was that that was a jar with a little monster in it that was symbolic of something yeah the monster makes him lose his mind see weird things and the majority the movie is we always talk about like the cliche of it was all just a dream this is all 90 minutes of it was just a dream [Music] [ __ ] off but he during the process of being this guy he breaks the jar a couple times damn yo I'm not gonna let you keep haunting me I'm not gonna let you tear me apart get out oh we got it again one more thing one more thing Hanabi three I want to see it one more time no it's two we have to do it exactly three times so just just twice because it's weird enough and then he goes into Vietnam he met Jesus first J oh that's right geez there's Jesus imagery yeah Oh God after he breaks the jar of the second time does that totally worked last time twice yeah and then there are some monks dragging some crosses around and he's following them really yeah well yeah yeah yeah hang on across it so bad right now we're like a movie where somebody's trying to escape from a college they become self-aware oh my god [Music] they went there what it felt like it may or may not have been it was just like what we were thinking like stolen ideas from like Eraserhead and maniac brain damaged brain damage Frank cannon Lauder film Jacob's Ladder there's elements of that and it was an occurrence at Owl Creek I think it's called an occurrence it looks rich yeah I think that's the name it's a it's a very short film that was me yeah boy that's why yeah it's a Civil War soldier being hung off a bridge um an incident in Elk Creek it's an incident out right yeah and in during the two seconds of him being dropped from the noose he imagines himself escaping and all this event occurring yeah and that that's fun Jacob's Ladder right and this and Jacob's Ladder spawn the jar except it didn't because this how this was before Voyager oh it did oh well it's gonna make a joke do you want that this film is piss Jacob's bladder I don't you know just leave us explaining what you were going to say what you're gonna do is it's a convoluted mess but just like this movie yes yeah exactly do you know it all comes back around you watch this movie you're in trouble you're in trouble good thank you you're starting to learn how to make good puns thanks teen blue thing yeah you think it's a team we can tow get that white team blue forever team grease green sucks right right yeah whoo green boo green [Music] little kid letting go of a balloon check there's nothing funny bad in this no and there's nothing interesting no no no I I think I was more excited when I thought that the Vietnam scene was going to lead somewhere else but it didn't and then the scene happens and it just yeah none of the arty party [ __ ] led to anything right right okay when the bathtub filled up with tomato juice and a little boy came up there are some cool visuals if I were to say any positives a couple of cool visuals with some neat lighting and and that amounts to maybe one percent of the movie and the rest of it is [ __ ] I would say the music - there's a couple cool bits of music by obscure size whoever they are but it's used very sparingly and most of it's just like atmospheric stuff but the couple bits where they get to do a real piece of music is good I hope the skier size is going strong today Gary Wallace who plays Paul the lead in this film did post on IMDB in 2008 and 2008 that he's still around and everyone should check out the jar he's trying to do the I'm gonna capitalize on the fact that I was in one of the worst movies ever made the problem is this is no troll - nobody cares about the jar it's not funny bad it's [ __ ] the jar [ __ ] the jar [Music] yep that's the end right uh-huh where do you look at really sees a jar or something there's to know something who knows but early on the reflection of the lady is the elderly Oh obviously we save that for the end I couldn't help I understand believe me No our final movie of the night is called white fire Josh take us away okay take us away from the jar white fire is in 91-minute treatise on incest couched in a heist movie yeah stars Robert Ginty as a man who would really like to [ __ ] his sister and also steals diamonds I guess but there might be other elements to this movie but the most important one is that robbery Ginty really wants to [ __ ] his sister it's so disturbing because everything we got from the from the front and from the dispute description on the back is just like it's gonna be a heist movie there's all sorts of characters they're all lookin after this one diamond they really want to get it and it's literally so they start off with this flashback to win rubber Guinea and the sister orchids and they're running from military fellows who shoot them does that ever explained no [Applause] and then Sam comes along and rescues them he's like I don't know kid your momma poppa dead come with me let's go is he just randomly on the beach at that particular time yeah cuz that's a lifelong commitment it's a make I'm just to win Sam is just that kind of guy okay he's just that kind of guy who's willing to take two children turn them into international diamond heist people and make a lot of money from that okay so flash forward 20 years to it Stamboul Robert Ginty has grown a terrible mustache and is totally stealing diamonds with his sister somehow she's working on the inside of the Istanbul diamond she works on Battlestar Galactica she does [Music] so this is originally set for a alien movie yeah that was supposed to be in the future like I think I don't think so it's just that they have for some reason it's so odd because it's not supposed to be a futuristic movie at all as far as we could tell but there are all these weird futuristic elements just dropped into it yeah the weird scanning device yep you're a person and don't forget the other guy that gets caught stealing diamonds and then gets tortured to death by young George Lucas Turkish George Lucas who directed Turkish Star Wars there's young George Lucas and old Turkish Turkish there - George Lucas are there - in charge yes yeah oh my god it's a country that's full of George Lucas's and I never want to go to there and and Mario everybody's Mario in this movie everybody has the same mustache at some point they ended up on a boat and then and then the sister gets offered up to the guy I forgot Barbosa wishes to entertain your sister for a few days until I am satisfied that our relationship has been agreed by all concerned Robert Kinsey says I'll be back I'm going now you can have my sister they come through the other door Jesse can also teleport you wanted to put that my sister that's my job [Music] inappropriate [Music] that's so weird you don't look at me like that yeah don't look at leas and I look at her like that that's so [ __ ] up in my system sorry no you can't say that give me three me it's always a weird weird it's an Oedipus complex it's a sister plus a complex I really know he's got a complex with his sister's puss I'm sorry [Music] and he was like I wish you weren't my sister and then you go say the right way says it's the mustache makes it even creepier just desperate to [ __ ] assist yeah yeah he wants to give her the Ginty yeah he wants to lick her blood diamond she gets out she showers to get all the chlorine off and then she just goes back in the plane later yeah she's trying to wash away the dirty thoughts she has of her brother there [Music] [Music] ya know for [ __ ] sake Jesus that was completely necessary then the bad guys show up and they [ __ ] blow a blow dart in her skull and she dies well no they they actually they blow a golf tee into her forehead oh yeah it went into her forehead but so the bad guys kill the dog they kill the dog to kill the mom and they kill the sister oh my god we're on track for Ginty being the only Jesus [ __ ] Christ I was gonna [ __ ] her I'm sure I'm glad I told her I was attracted to her before she died the last thing that she experienced was her brother hitting on her fun times with everyone we were scared and alone is he gonna flash back to one who's hogging her all the time she was noon and he saw her and Robert Enke cries a lot thank you should we play again they be what emotion is Robert insi expressing game yes what's kindy feeling the correct answer is sir he goes to a bar and there's a lady sitting next to him for some reason who looks just like his sister pretty close it's very close she's very close [Music] looks like a sister during that scene where he's waking back up from his hangover / head injury Sam is there anything like she could replace your sister it's just like Ginty along with all of us was like [ __ ] talking about why does she need to be replaced I don't even understand well first he offers her $50,000 you $150,000 in she says who do I have to [ __ ] would you be interested in making $50,000 yeah I'd be interested in making $50,000 how do I have to like so seriously Who am I [ __ ] he's fine that's good I can't kind of pretty old guy he seems like you might give a little more ever look like a giver this prostitute and she that's that's where it becomes clear that she is a prostitute yeah because she could have been in the bar she could have been just some lady that wanted to have sex with Robert Ginty which I'll grant you is not believable but it's a movie it's a movie but so it's obviously she's a prostitute and she can probably just go ahead and drop out of whatever life she's having for $50,000 to act like his sister and then eventually get plastic surgery to look exactly like his sister it's a prequel to face off I want a John Woo my sister Mike you're punishing me [Applause] see they're doing a thing the system that's the sister that says her as this is yeah which ones which but they hire this prostitute that looks kind of like a sister to take the place of the sister and they give her plastic surgery to look like the sister supposedly so she can infiltrate but it's more because Robert guns he wants to [ __ ] assistant exactly during the time Roberts and Ginty want to infiltrate his sister you gotta use the right pronoun I'm sorry I'm sorry that's not even right you gotta use the right verbs we [Music] this is creepy yeah you don't bring in the love ballad well they also play the love ballad when she died yeah that's true they don't know how to use music no but you know you sure you want to go through with this I heard yeah the plastic surgeon you find it better we're there man somewhere during this whole situation I think this before yeah was before the sister dies this random guy wanders into a cave and in the cave is this giant diamond first we thought he was saying Wi-Fi yes well I'm just pretty sure a lot of people are saying Wi-Fi throughout this movie but it it was shot like the 80s or something they didn't have Wi-Fi back though they didn't know well that's why everyone was so upset [Applause] [Music] so he he knows where the white fire is in a cave but he doesn't know how to get it out right or whatever and he hangs around for months killing whoever happens to come close to it but you but just to demonstrate how serious he is there's another employee of the diamond consulate space mutiny area he wanders into the same cave and sees the white fire and then he gets he gets killed you're wondering do we even - we didn't even introduce Fred Williamson into this thing yet here's who cares there's there's a Sofia the Italian lady that's also trying to get white fire has a henchman who is the one who fires the golf tee into the sisters head and apparently he witnessed something it's somewhere that she wants to know and he didn't actually witness it and he doesn't have any [ __ ] idea what she's talking about my god she doesn't as it is so good all right so like she like he didn't have any idea what she's talking about but I got my car Oh Mike's leaving right now I got my car keys right here it's and I'll show you which one it is start my car it's one of these will start my car that way we may have to try them all we may have to try them all been one of them look like I'm Mike I'm like Mike is there is there one with like a big [ __ ] you see the big thing I think it's the big yeah so that was that Tory is looking kirats but my car's constrained which which one this is this this is the key to start my car Oh what where's my weight of life let's go anyway back to white fine it's cut off everybody what happened at the mines alright so Sofia wants to know something that she thinks the henchman knows so she gets all the other henchmen to grab him and put him up on the bandsaw where he's just doing some carpentry you know he's making a picture I don't know and then she's like tell me what tell me tell me I want to know what tell me and he doesn't know so he can't tell her so he walking you're like oh I'm gonna get some guy's blood all over my face so I didn't get all right [Applause] the whole movie is essentially the director safe incest fantasy yeah which nothing really gets heisted and nothing really happened let's film some more scenes with the sister don't do that see actress with yeah god Oh is he gonna feel bad now like I don't think that's gonna come in now yeah [ __ ] crappy hit told you this is the theme and nobody believed me Darren artistic again closed off and get back in the pool I like it when you're wet are you doing like an impression or [Applause] J what movie is the best of the worst yeah I guess we don't this was a battle two genres episode but it doesn't even matter because there's no contest future Wars best of the worst I don't know if we praised it enough it's one of the best things one of the most entertaining things we've watched on best of the worst the jar is probably one of the least entertaining we've watched and white fire is kind of crappy and dull I feel pretty much the same and I think we could we could go ahead and judge it as battle of the genres like there's no [ __ ] horror in the jar right absolutely zero percent there's no action in white voice a little action you know some fights and some and then the bandsaw is in the crotch blood that's it didn't completely fail on that but this is definitely a sci-fi movie yes absolutely a sci-fi movie with the dinosaurs and the cyborgs in the future well I think yeah we're all gonna be on the same page here future war future war yeah future war is the best thing we've seen in a long time it's one of the best yeah and it definitely is up there with the great the Great's of the B movies and have have yet to be discovered yeah yeah I kind of came out of nowhere this was just a random pick it was just something we had on the Shelf yeah we found out later that they did a Mystery Science Theater episode on it we did not know that at the time yeah has no memory of that absolutely random yeah but Richie always say that a good b-movie just keeps like finding new ways getting funny and this one does yeah yeah I don't want to be repetitive here crap some funny moments done but white fire is a great name for an 80s hair metal and even the logo I don't even know that I would say that this is strange as much as this is just very poorly disguised fetish porn this is incest fetish that's what the directors in do alright alright the jar ass pure ass hands down future war echoing everything everybody else said you got you got the barn sets and then you go into the charmingly bad acting the the goofy narration everything there's like very few dull moments in that movie yeah I think we're all pretty much Universal on the jar as the just destruction I think we need to pickle the jar hello I'm scientist man and in today's experiment we have a jar the jar and a jar of acetone what is acetone you ask let me answer that cook acetone systematically named quote propanone is the organic compound with the formula see something ch3 is a colorless volatile flammable liquid acetone is Miss miscible with water and serves us an important solvent in its own right typically for cleaning purposes in a laboratory mainly used as a solvent and production of methyl methyl acrylate and vice a this phenol a it is a solvent produced a common building block in organic chemistry is a good solvent and may plastics and many some synthetic fire breads let's begin the experiment Oh [Music] let's begin Oh next we'll take our acetone remember always wear safety goggles and lovely gloves I'm now going to put the acetone in the jar with the jar oh geez I spilled it all over the table remember report carefully as it's currently eating away my glove I just splashed it all over my crotch god it stinks that seems to be enough acetone I will now place the lid on the jar Oh me it's a good thing this isn't highly flammable but a fraud I'm gonna go wash off my crotch getting all over my shoes [ __ ] that dropped out of scientist school I was burning in my eyes I think I got something [Music] aye aye aye aye [Music] I I consume the lifeless moments of shadows [Music] I consume the lifeless moments of shadows [Music] the flickering seconds of memories I stand on the edge of darkness I am the night [Music] I say that when I see [Music] [Music] you [Music]

Channel: RedLetterMedia

Views: 2,694,053

Rating: 4.9300966 out of 5

Keywords: redlettermedia, red letter media, red, letter, media, half in the bag, best of the worst, plinkett, mike stoklasa, jay bauman, rich evans, future war, mst3k, robert z'dar, robert zdar, the jar, white fire, robert ginty

Id: JsnzlIests4

Length: 61min 32sec (3692 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 24 2015

Reddit Comments

[u/StantasticTypo]

"You know, I could point out that it’s not the future, and there isn’t a war, but you know me: I don't like to complain. "

[u/PhillyGreg]

Cardboard boxes vs. Monsters in the Hood

[u/redmoss6]

And bonus Robert Ginty and Fred Williamson in White Fire!

[u/redmoss6]

They also reviewed

• Santa Claus (my favorite episode)

• Zaat! (The Blood Waters of Dr. Z).

[u/ROBOT_B9]

The box art looks absolutely nothing like the film. Unbelievable.