Barbie vs. Bratz

all right there's some rumors going around these letters here people are commenting saying that i'm a virgin okay you think they think that that stands for virgin not that there's anything wrong with that if you if that's what you are but i am not one okay i have a podcast called very really good okay very really good not a virgin could a virgin have a podcast yeah probably but folks i know i didn't do my usual extra greeting okay i'm gonna try to not do it one time i'm in control here i know i got cancelled for forgetting it last time but you know what this time i'm not forgetting it i'm purposely not doing it so let's move forward i had a bunch of action figures when i was a kid and i get a lot of action now not a virgin cool thing that i used to do with my my friend when i was a kid we would set up all of our action figures beside us when we watched the movie small soldiers because we thought that would inspire our action figures to come to life is that adorable yes were we idiots absolutely did it work yes and it's so funny looking back at that because at the time we thought we were like so cool at the same time if we saw like any of our other friends playing with like barbies we would make fun of them for sure but in reality there's obviously no difference you're all just hip squeaks playing with puny plastic people capiche say that 10 times fast right hey why stay on topic when you can simply not barbie was created by mattel in 1959 and it became an instant success it went on to become one of the most popular toys of all time and grossed roughly 1.3 billion dollars in 2020 alone they've made barbie video games books clothes youtube channels anything you can attach a barbie name to mattel has done it they could put out their own line of prison security products and call it barbie dwire and it'd be adorable for a very long time barbie didn't really have any competition until the year 2001 when bratz dolls bursted onto the scene man when these big eyed gals showed up people lost their [ __ ] mind there were a lot of parents who were like mad because they thought the bratz dolls were too hot because they like showed more skin i guess i don't know and that totally makes sense right dolls with big lips and big eyes i mean come on that's not normal okay we're used to barbie and her regular proportions okay and by regular proportions i mean the uh the body type that media has sort of guilted women into pursuing for the last i don't know forever so they can sell razors to shave their legs and tea that makes them [ __ ] you know regular proportion so maybe bratz having big lips and eyeballs wasn't that crazy after all barbie looks [ __ ] weird too man she has no [ __ ] you ever think about that how did she fart tell me that huh yeah put me in charge of barbie alright introducing ultra realistic barbie now with functioning [ __ ] i'll be sitting by the phone mattel like you think when brats dropped people were like oh great yet another unrealistic beauty standard for women now i gotta look like this and also rats was like way more inclusive of like different skin colors in comparison to barbie at the time you know so young people of color could actually have like a doll that resembled them a little bit just in terms of like skin color you know and that's huge and bratz was crazy popular when they first came out even outselling barbie in the uk one year so barbie was absolutely [ __ ] out of her non-existent [ __ ] when bratz was popping off because mattel thought that they were just gonna take over like pretty much the entire market mattel actually went as far as to sue brats but ultimately lost because you know big surprise you can't just sue people you don't like if that was true i'd be sending a cease and desist to the son of a [ __ ] who invented mondays come on rats lost a little bit of their popularity over the years but it looks like they're trying to make a comeback based off their current website which is very smart because i feel like i feel like girls on tick tock look exactly like bratz dolls they dress like them like that's and that's not a diss or anything like the fits go hard i i will admit it but in their heyday i think what set bratz apart from barbie was their animated series and movies and i've received tons of dms over the years asking me to make a video about a barbie movie or a bratz movie so i thought a good way to structure this video is like a head-to-head death match we'll watch a barbie movie and then we'll watch a bratz movie we'll compare and contrast and then we'll see once and for all who's the better doll there's a little bar for you or should i say a bar b we'll start with the barbie movie because you know they were the first on the scene and i guess it's only fair movie i picked is called barbie as rapunzel obviously you can uh you can roughly imagine the plot of barbie as rapunzel but they do switch up the plot a little bit and add in some barbie flare which is nice big fan of barbie flare bobby the movie starts with barbie painting with her little sister kelly and right off the bat i gotta say kelly is a goddamn nightmare to look at i'm sorry i have to get this out of the way i don't know the exact budget of this movie but i wish more of it went towards reducing the size of kelly's forehead you could play a game of football on that thing and it's fine that i'm making fun of this little girl's appearance okay she's not real or at least i hope please don't be real so this whole movie is basically barbie like telling kelly the story of rapunzel so she goes on to explain how there was a beautiful girl with long ass hair named rapunzel who lives in this tall tower with this old witch named gothel and she has to pretty much do everything for her she also has a dragon friend named penelope and a little british rabbit friend named hobie and rapunzel's favorite thing to do is paint but this gothel lady she does not like that because she is mean did you make beds sweep the floors weed the garden you're supposed to keep the house in perfect order i didn't know about it it's your job to know oh yeah also gothel has this like pet weasel that sort of hangs around her neck and he seems i don't know the word for it horny i guess oh allow me mistress yeah did you imagine like working in the studio while the voice actor did the voice for this weasel okay we're gonna do the line one more time just say it normal allow me mistress that's it say it normal okay fine okay thank you oh allow me mistress come on dude are you hard he's so hard right now okay back to it one night when gothel goes for a nap rapunzel and friends find a secret entrance to the basement where they find some of gothel's old belongings i can't imagine gothel attending all these balls curtis just move on you don't have to make a joke about it you're 27 years old she obviously meant balls like you know a dance like a like a party not testicles you can move past this you don't have to make it what was on that scroll was it just a bunch of drawings of balls manual times they couldn't send dick pics so they had to send ball scrolls scrotum scrolls i'm sorry i feel like i'm talking about dicks and balls way too much for a barbie movie so let's get back to it so when they're in the basement they also find an old hairbrush that's from rapunzel's parents which is weird to rapunzel because gothel told her she was abandoned when she was just a few days old why would she lie to her about that why would she lie to me about that that's what i'm saying they also end up finding a secret tunnel out of the castle into a nearby village where she stumbles upon some cute kids riding on a horse and oh my god it's [ __ ] kelly never mind even in barbie's telling of rapunzel this is a fantasy world anything can happen this was your one chance for kelly to not look like what stubbing your toe feels like and you didn't do a damn thing jesus christ well at least the other kids look normal oh never mind they're all freaks i think i might just hate kids anyways back to the movie kelly falls into a big hole and they unfortunately save her life with the help of a man named stefan and he's the love interest obviously because look at him he's so hot this is also where we find out that the kingdom that they are in right now is having a feud with a neighboring kingdom the other kingdom is run by this guy named wilhelm wilhelm claims our king did something terrible to him years ago but we don't know what that thing was yet do you live in wilhelm's kingdom who's he the king who ordered that this wilhelm guy seems pretty awesome if he's making holes that kelly falls into am i right guys yes thank you i'll be right back okay so after stefan runs away for no reason puzzle realizes how late it's getting it heads back to the castle but uh oh horniest weasel in the world is following her man i cannot get over this weasel i saw this movie days ago and i cannot stop thinking about him could you imagine if the animal sidekicks and other movies were just just [ __ ] horny all the time like if harry potter's owl hedwig do owls get horny i don't know i mean there's like horned owls i guess we would never know if an owl was horny this is my impression of hedwig when he asks another owl for oral uh pleasure but that other owl refuses so no headwind back to the movie gotha finds out that rapunzel went to the village so she's like super grounded now and has to stay in the tower so this next part is like a dream sequence where they do the iconic rapunzel scene you know where the guy milks a cow i guess climbs up the hair climbs up the tower on on her hair jesus christ all right this is a i got a bone to pick with rapunzel wouldn't this [ __ ] hurt so much i always think about that whenever i saw anything rapunzel related it's always rapunzel just like relaxing chilling at the top of the tower while like some 200 pound guy is like pulling on her hair i know human hair can be pretty strong but like that would that would still do a number on your neck i think rapunzel rapunzel let down your hair all right i don't really know why i'm doing this but i trust you here i come wait what ah what the [ __ ] dude we'll be up there soon my love food seriously what the [ __ ] are you doing ow stop stop thou carpets match thy drapes stop seriously stop oh my god so the next day hobie and penelope the dragon who can fly up really high they try to think of a way that they can get rapunzel out of the tower that's up really high uh and they don't think of an idea so that night there's like a magic spell that turns rapunzel's hairbrush into a magic paintbrush that then lets her travel to whichever location she paints sort of like a sort of like a chalk zone type thing you guys remember that show chalk zone does it help if i say the name again so now rapunzel has a new way to escape the tower so she does that's pretty great but she does go back i have to go i'll see tonight uh but hey at least we get this scene you're useless give him to me i'll leave you that lucky rabbit's feet if gothel ever picked the the weasel off of her shoulder it would make this sound and there'd be a huge stain right there that's so gross okay so this next scene is pretty gnarly gothel chops off rapunzel's hair so rapunzel not actually but she has just like shorter hair now and then gothel puts this super crazy unbreakable spell on the tower so rapunzel can never leave never release your prisoner with a lying heart but quick question if you didn't want rapunzel to leave why not just do that spell in the first place i'm not gonna do the one thing that will easily solve all my problems until i absolutely have to [Music] that is weasel come okay guys we're getting close to the end back of the village are having this huge ball everybody's there you know you got the king stefan i don't know anybody else's name then gothel shows up and starts chasing after stefan in the most awkward scene ever because there's just no music nobody hurts my brother okay the beginning of the movie said like they had like an orchestra performing the music for this movie where is it if you're gonna have a chase scene it can't just be like just footsteps only right [Music] not the same right and this next part pissed me off so much so back at the tower penelope realizes that uh the spell only works on someone who has a lying heart but rapunzel never lied you haven't been lying to gothel so penelope thinks that rapunzel can just leave whenever she wants gobble spell can't stop you so she just leaves the tower you're telling me if rapunzel just tried once to leave the tower she would have escaped what the [ __ ] rapunzel it's like if someone pushed you into a pool as a prank and then you just went limp and drowned like try a little bit you know anyways she escapes the tower and flies away on penelope's back and again why didn't you [ __ ] do this years ago folks now it's time for the big climax and it's not from the weasel don't worry back at the balls wilhelm the other king shows up and starts fighting the main king and this is where we find out that wilhelm is mad because he thinks the king stole his daughter from him are you guys putting the pieces together you stole my daughter no for the thousandth time i never stole her then gothel shows up and reveals that it was her who stole his daughter from him what because she was actually in love with wilhelm he wasn't in love with her so yeah gothel's just a big big old simp that's her motivation she would have been my daughter if you had married me i don't know if it works like that all right anyways there's another chase scene and rapunzel pulls a fast one and paints a picture of the tower and gothel walks into it so she's transported inside and is trapped in the tower forever so now it's time for the big happy ending huh i thought you were gone huh i've wronged you all these years huh so that's barbie as rapunzel i'm gonna save my final thoughts of it uh for the end of the video because we're only halfway done guys this is a double feature remember so if you want to go you know grab a water or snack for the last half that's totally cool while we all the other people wait uh let's talk about the new merch i just put out it's the curtis town cowboys collection we got t-shirts we got hoodies we got sweatpants we got a full sweatsuit dude and it looks great super cozy great stuff designed by kellorn again and i'm just super hyped on it so go check it out curtisconner.com thanks thanks so much hey express time let's all get kelly out of our heads and um let's move on to a movie called bratz fashion pixies here we go oh okay here's here's one i used to work at a blanket factory but the factory folded okay 20 seconds in we're already off to a great start arby's not looking good so the main characters of this movie are these two sisters uh named cymbeline and brianna one night cymbeline starts acting really weird and sneaks out of the house so brianna follows her and witnesses her fly away with this big red light in the sky so something's up the next day at school this is where we meet some of the other main characters uh first up we got dylan and you remember how i said uh girls on tiktok look like bratz dolls look at this [ __ ] guy dude dylan walks so e-boys could run their fingers through their hair if there's a scene of dylan going like i will not be surprised but this dylan guy is supposed to be like a ladies man i guess he's always hitting on girls and stuff he's essentially the horny weasel of this movie every movie needs a horny weasel that's got to be an oscar category all right ladies and gentlemen it's time for the final award of the night horniest weasel uh good luck to all the nominees all right let's take a look [Music] that [ __ ] weasel from that goddamn barbie movie again every every year can we get someone else how about me i'm a horny weasel come on and also there's this new girl who shows up her name is lena this is lena she's a transfer student he's got something to do with cymbaline based on this exchange so after class dylan's backpack is stolen by a crow naturally so he goes in this epic chase scene on his motorcycle and this one actually has music so dylan ends up crashing his motorcycle and it's heavily implied that the crow was actually the new girl lena missing my backpack this lena girl is up to no good because dylan is then put into an episode of so you think you can trans okay he just cannot stop dancing it's like he's like under a spell or something where's it coming from [Music] and they say white people have no rhythm show them that next time anyone says that show them that to confirm it so that same night cymbeline's friends sneak into her house to see why she's acting so weird and they're very sneaky about it a lot of people don't know this but if you're trying to be quiet you can run as loud as you want but as long as you tiptoe at the very end nobody will hear a thing and folks this is where we find out cymbeline's big secret [Music] she's a pixie i don't know what that means in the context of this film she's a pixie that doesn't help okay also this next scene dude it's genuinely the scariest scene i've ever seen in my life you know it's time you nosy colleen's got yourselves a million miles away from here there's something to be said about being chased by something really big like i feel like you know what's gonna happen if a giant garden gnome is chasing you you know what's gonna happen if they catch up like what's a little one gonna do should the rest of this video just be an apology for that i didn't mean it i'm desperate so the next day brianna and friends go into the forest to see what's going on with lena and sibling this is where they find dylan just absolutely busting a move he then runs away stefan style so they follow him when they are then ambushed by some evil pixies uh-oh and also cymbeline is one of them what are you doing here what's going on oh you'll find out it is really nice of them to say that i'll i'll admit it don't worry if you keep watching the movie you'll learn more as the plot develops so brianna's friends get kidnapped by the pixies and dylan twerks about it which is honestly a power move absolute power move so the next day uh briana's friends stumble upon brianna she's crying under a tree this is where we find out what happened to cymbeline and brianna's mother even though it was never really mentioned in the plot up until right now but apparently when they were kids there was a big snow storm their mom gave them like a special magic wand and then she just disappeared forever the more i watched this movie the more i realized like the similarities it has to barbie as rapunzel which is really weird because it's just like they're just like random movies that were just sent to me there's missing parents in both films magic items that were left for the abandoned kids small scary beings and horny weasels also every time i say horny weasel i want to say sigourney weaver horny weasel sigourney weaver it sounds like rory weaver is a horny weasel alright so this next part is wild this is where we find out brianna and cymbeline are pixies like good pixies disguised as human and their dad is actually the pixie king it's another thing there's kings in both movies so brianna gives her friends some special glasses that allows them to see that the pixie world coexists with the human world [Music] okay i don't want to take this too literally but i'm going to are they saying that all fire hydrants are just little garden gnomes in disguise if so some firemen slapping a hose on a gnome's hole and he's just kissing the fire out that scene with the gnome earlier is so much scarier now that we know what they are actually capable of picture a tiny gnome just running at you like i'm gonna piss on you okay so now the gang heads back into the forest to break into this big pixie party that they're having so they can rescue cymbeline and her friends who were kidnapped and dude i gotta admit this party that they're having it looks [ __ ] little you're the split second shot that they keep showing that girl just angrily twerking holy [ __ ] dude that is so funny to me someone twerking but they're pissed off are you shaking that ass girl hell yeah [Music] okay so they see that their friends are in the dance trance so brianna tries to set them free and this is just not realistic okay if there was a huge rave going on and then a bunch of powder just started falling from the sky people who are trying to catch you with their nose dude like like a kid trying to catch a snowflake on their tongue except it's not snow it's snow and instead of their tongue getting cold their tongue would get tired from [ __ ] talking too much i can believe literally everything else in this movie but this part it's just ridiculous but anyways back to the film while that big rave was going on there's another ball happening outside of the school and this is where the final showdown takes place after they play a knockoff of the arthur theme song of course everybody has a part to play i mean come on [Music] so at this ball the evil pixie show up and terrorize everybody and this part really confuses me because like i thought humans couldn't see pixies right that's why they had that whole scene with the special glasses so you could see the pixies but why are people like reacting like they can see them and okay they're they're all dancing now all right fine that's the next tick tock dance a dance like a bratz character all right now it's time for the big climax i am l lena i banished you eternally come on i banish you eternally okay so all hell is breaking loose but this is when we finally get to see what the dad looks like when he transforms into the pixie king oh no he's hot okay guys you ready for the freaking curveball this is where lena reveals that she's actually the one who made cymbeline and brianna's mom disappeared ten years ago my wife you don't think that blizzard came from nowhere and she did this because the king banished her after your husband banished me that man has simply got to go but i mean if she's banished then how is she able to like just freely roam around and cast spells on people adam [ __ ] it dude let's dance oh yeah the way lena got rid of their mom all those years ago she turned her into a tree the same tree that brianna was crying under earlier in the movie so there's a big pixie fight and when all hope is lost brienne and friends pull up on some flying unicorns to save the day and let's see what they have to say for themselves [Music] pardon oh took the words right out of my mouth man i'm not gonna lie this is me when i'm a gnome pissing out of fire so the girls show up and defeat lena and with the power of friendship they're able to bring back their mother who disappeared 10 years ago well done my daughters and i gotta say for someone who is just a tree for the past 10 years she's a surprisingly chipper would chipper seriously though if i was a tree for 10 years my first words wouldn't be well done my daughters because you know i don't i don't have any daughters and hey now the family lives happily ever after gross all right that's brats fashion pixies and now we've seen a movie from each doll company there's been 38 barbie movies in 13 bratz movies but i think one of each is enough with the barbie movie i liked what did i like oh i like the one fight scene between the the two kings the animation was pretty good at that part i mean i didn't think i even talked about that in this in the video [ __ ] oh going into the paintings reminded me of super mario 64. so there's that and i like how they switched up the story a little bit so four out of ten for the bratz movie i like the first line of the film i like the music i love the aesthetic you know you got the hot pixy king dad and kelly wasn't in it so 10 out of 10. [ __ ] you kelly okay sorry to all my barbie heads out there but looks like bratz is the winner mattel please don't sue me for saying that you could take the barbie [ __ ] idea call it even balls i don't think there's any way to segue from that so how about we hear a word from today's sponsor current folks banks are weird even when i was allowed to freely leave my house i would do anything i could to not go to my bank it's confusing stressful and they always make things way harder than they need to be but current is the future of banking they don't hide information like traditional financial institutions current keeps it simple authentic and direct no hidden fees no hidden anything actually they have tons of incredible benefits and services but the best part everything can be done online no more walking into a silly old bank okay and you can take that to the bank or don't because you don't need to anymore and also dude make things even cooler kern and i are giving away five big ones really vague current and i are giving away 5 000 all you have to do is click the link in my description and sign up for current using the code curtis and we will send 10 random people 500 super quick and easy you can sign up in less than two minutes so what are you waiting for again click the link in my description sign up for current using code curtis and enjoy the future of banking and you'll also have the chance to be one of the 10 lucky people who get 500 smackaroos all right thanks again to current for sponsoring this video hope you guys check them out because it helps me out a bunch when you guys check out the sponsor so everybody wins dude so yeah thank you current back to me all right guys that's it thank you so much for watching the video if you enjoyed it please press that like button means a lot and also believe it or not one like equals one hole that i will dig so kelly can fall into it leave a comment let me know what you thought let me know if you want to see more videos like this and more movie reviews it's always a good time press the subscribe button as soon as you press the subscribe button you become a valued citizen of curtis town if you didn't know curtis town is the best place to live in the world and i am the mayor of kurdistan so you have to be nice to me it's the law you can check the description for the things i do i got instagram twitter my twitch my gaming channel my podcast and yeah that's it seriously thank you so much for watching hope you had fun hope you laughed and uh yeah i'll see you around peace out hey

Channel: Kurtis Conner

Views: 3,917,461

Keywords: kurtis conner, kurtis connor, commentary, barbie movie, bratz movie, reaction, movie commentary, comedy, barbie as rapunzel, bratz fashion pixiez, movie review

Id: hLQZ3S7dmxk

Length: 28min 50sec (1730 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 18 2021