This Low-Budget Horror Movie is Terrifying...For All The Wrong Reasons

hi sorry really quick before the video starts got a few things to go over first off dallas texas my show on november 20th at majestic theater sold out very quickly so we added another show so click the link in my description and grab a ticket before they're gone forever and uh speaking of doing something before it's gone forever the ocean is dying that's why there is a fundraiser attached to this video to save the ocean as of today mr beast and mark robert have launched team c's and for every dollar that is donated they will remove one pound of trash from the ocean they're trying to raise 30 million dollars which would take 30 million pounds of trash out of the ocean so if you're able to donate please donate what you can that'd be great all right now hopefully mr beast will stop dming me tell me how much he loves me it's uh it's honestly it's embarrassing man okay stop it okay that's it enjoy the video all right all right guys okay ghosts yup it's that time of year again halloween funny enough that's also what i say every time i go pee halloween halloween is the one day year where it's socially acceptable to just knock on a stranger's door and demand that they give you a little kiss [Music] on the list and i i imagine that trick-or-treating is going to be weird you know because of like covet and stuff so this year i'm doing something different to avoid strangers ringing my doorbell making me sick or vice versa i'm gonna put one single lollipop on my porch it's gonna be propped up in a nice stand and all the neighborhood kids can come by take a single lick and then go unfortunately i'm too old uh to go trick-or-treating now so the way that i like to celebrate halloween is with a horror movie i love horror movies they're so much fun midsummer is one of my favorite movies of the last 10 years i loved watching goosebumps and are you afraid of the dark growing up and even though watching 13 ghosts with my older sisters when i was seven years old made me cry for like four years i still love horror movies to this day there's just something so fun about like watching something that you know is gonna ruin the next little bit of your life i'm sure that's why you watch my videos so to celebrate halloween and the beauty of horror movies i figured uh we should watch one and the horror movie that we are watching today is called dear evan hansen i'm joking i haven't seen the movie i'm sure it's fine the actual movie that we're going to be watching today is called goblin and i've never even heard of this movie until i tweeted asking you guys to send me some bad slash weird scary movies for me to watch on my channel so shout out jesse for sending this movie to me because i watched the entire thing and whoa it's a movie it's definitely a movie and do the ending of this movie is no exaggeration one of the craziest things i've ever seen in my life it's like up there with the goat story ending i know a bold claim but trust me okay you gotta you're gonna stick around for that so goblin came out in 2020. it didn't come out in theaters but it it came out it came out it came out somewhere i don't know where but it came out and uh here's a synopsis a young woman fights to protect her son from her abusive new husband and a ferocious creature lurking in the shadows jeez i wonder if the ferocious creature is a goblin that would be pretty funny if the movie was called goblin but like the ferocious creature in question was like a great white shark okay enough of me talking let's i'm going to be talking throughout the whole video but let's let's watch the movie so the movie starts off with a neighborhood couple walking their dog shnoopsy around the block and right off the bat we already get some god-awful audio and you're gonna get some of my weight watch your meals with me yes you are you need to lose some weight huh the [ __ ] did you just say it's [ __ ] is josh richards holding the boom mic for this movie and then we hear the dog shnoopsy scream and growl off camera and then it disappears into a bush somewhere so yeah something kind of weird's going on and uh this next scene is where we meet the main characters of this movie we've got sarah she's the mom and her son sam and their dog pistol so sarah's ex-husband sam's real dad uh was in the military and he died now they're moving into a new house with sarah's new husband danny and danny's son who's aptly named danny junior and let me tell you danny junior is a piece of [ __ ] any junior is basically what every boomer thinks of when they think of like a typical teenage boy he's always listening to heavy metal he's rude and he wears shorts with black socks he's a nightmare one might even call him a little [ __ ] brat little [ __ ] brat see what i mean so later that night they're all having chinese food but they forgot danny junior's beijing beef where the hell's my beijing beef even though those are all closed containers with no labels or writing on on any of them so there's no real way to know if they're if your beijing beef is there or not but still what the [ __ ] and i know what you're thinking okay i know but i'm not about to make fun of a of a child's acting okay i'm better than that like i know this kid is a kid and all but wow he cannot act even if it is some of the worst line delivery i've ever seen in any movie ever we've got to go what are you coming or not i've gotta eat i would never compare his acting skills to like a ninth grader in drama class who's only in drama class because the woodworking class was full i'm better than that and i'm better than him okay i am imagine that's why i'm making this video i like auditioned to be danny junior and i didn't get the part but this is payback this is why i started my youtube channel to get back in the director what the [ __ ] but anyways the doorbell rings and it's their neighbor across the street and his name is elias welcome to the neighborhood he's a sweet old man and he's actually gonna be very important later in the movie so remember him okay even though it's hard to forget them because there's literally like five characters in this whole movie so i think you're good if at any point you're like wait who is that i don't know go see a doctor okay i want to take like a little break from talking about the plot thus far and i want to talk about other things in the movie that really pissed me off you know how movies have like music you know it they play music to go along with the the feel the emotions that they're portraying in a particular scene you know what i mean you know basic [ __ ] they they play this same song through the entire movie and i'm not exaggerating you know the shitty thing is i don't even think it's a song really it's just a collection of weird sounds and it happens over and over again throughout the entire movie and i'm not [ __ ] joking it's just this the whole time no matter what scene is happening no matter what's going on there's there's those noises obviously they're trying to do what like successful horror movie makers do well they'll use sound to like make the audience feel a little uncomfortable and scared and like you know a little bit worried about what's gonna happen but like hey man you can use more than one track you know you're not a train you're a movie i mean like i'd like to think whoever edited this like had a good reason like why they did what they did all right now i just need to add music and this movie will be all done maybe i will meet that midnight deadline after all dude huge party at daryl's tonight you win and you know i'd love to but i have a deadline and i just don't think i can make it tonight man dude you're always working live a little i can't if i go to the party the movie won't get done and it'll be released in an unfinished state and some super chill youtuber will make fun of it okay whatever you know what just remember while you're scrubbing through that timeline of yours the real timeline life it's passing you by now if you'll excuse me i'll be at daryl's getting my chodes soaked jesus [ __ ] it [Music] hey wait up i'm coming to daryl's after all [Music] back to the movie so later that night sarah can't sleep so she goes downstairs to make some tea when she hears a scary noise and folks this is our first sighting of the goblin oh god oh god literally sounded like it was in response to how bad the cgi is in this movie dude sure that would be scary obviously if that happened but like what was the goblin trying to do here you know i'm asking the real questions on this channel what was the goblin trying to do like it wasn't trying to get into the house or anything right you know what i mean like you're just placing his hand on the window for no reason maybe goblins like windows ever think of that and i think that's true okay you ever met a pc gamer they love windows and they're they're [ __ ] goblins they're straight up goblins makes sense i hope you guys are doing okay after that really scary scene but we're gonna keep going so after this goblin sighting sarah is pretty shook up for good reason oh god but danny comes to the rescue and just gaslights her to make her feel better and it works like a charm we're in a new place strange noises you're not used to no and charms don't work so it doesn't it doesn't work whatever and then the next morning uh there's some like animal control officers just absolutely raw dogging some evidence and they're there because there's some reports of some wild animal who's going around eating the neighborhood dogs we all know what it is oh god goblin i know you are saying while all this is going on sarah tells elias uh what she saw last night something was definitely here last night she said five minutes i can't talk to anyone right now these kids are late for school [ __ ] man this editing is making me sick that's coming from me but anyways before sarah takes the kids to school sam says something to elias and that really scares him did you see something too young man yeah a green man what were you talking to that nice man about just a green man shrek that'll be pretty crazy the whole movie went by and you didn't see the the green man at the very end of the movie it just turns out to be shrek the whole time they just they just steal the ip from dreamworks onions have legs unfortunately it's not shrek oh sorry it's the hulk so sarah dropped sam off at school and uh the door is open in this shot and the door is closed in the next shot nice okay and now we cut back to sarah talking to danny back at their house and uh the first time i watched this scene it made me laugh so [ __ ] hard so i really want to share with you guys slept right through my alarm normally we don't see large predators wander this far into town and just remember keep your pets and small children inside until this all blows over hey man who you talking to sarah and danny are having a conversation they're already talking and then this police officer just starts talking to just the entire neighborhood i guess at a pretty tame volume too like they turn around like us a guy's [ __ ] talking okay like it is so funny to think about a cop trying to quietly explain something to an entire neighborhood and no one can even hear him and she stepped on the ball dude that's so funny i know it's so funny man hey is it is that cop talking to us um [Music] yeah i'm not sure he's he he's barely even talking he's looking at us but i can't i can't hear him i wonder what he's saying okay let's just ignore him dude look out [Applause] [Music] hey i tried to mourn them [Music] it's funny because cops are usually the loudest [ __ ] people in the world goddamn business so the animal controlled police officer i don't really know what they are they tell everybody that there's a wild cougar on the loose causing trouble they think we might have a cougar on our hands a really hot older woman just eating dogs you know how they do so when danny finds out about this he for some reason is like hell-bent on killing this cougar there's a wild beast roaming around here and i'm gonna kill it i don't know why but uh he goes and picks up danny jr and sam from school but he doesn't tell sarah while they're gone sarah goes over to elias's house to talk about the scary shrek ham that she saw last night and you know what elias has got a pretty crazy theory he shows sarah this old book and it shows an old drawing of a goblin terrorizing like an old village and like is a little unbelievable i can believe a goblin i can but what are the odds that a goblin randomly shows up in some suburban neighborhood for no reason and just starts terrorizing a family and there just so happens to be an old goblin expert literally right across the street yeah okay they're not that easy to find trust me and maybe you're thinking like oh maybe he has something to do with the goblin because he knows so much about the goblin maybe that's a fun idea they could do something with later on in a movie that's what i thought nope just an old guy who knows [ __ ] about goblins his character only exists in the movie to be like it's a goblin sarah goes to pick sam up from school she finds out that danny picked him up from school and she's pissed off wait who but [ __ ] all that there's a scene here that also made me laugh really hard and i want to show it to you guys good day hey you reached danny i can't come to the phone right now leave a message excuse me do you have a minute yeah i yeah i think she has a minute dude you were just talking to her the human to human interactions in this movie are so insane all right thanks for talking to me i gotta go bye yeah thanks for talking i'll be right here hey you got time to talk so since sarah had a minute she goes into sam's classroom to talk with the teacher because she thinks there's something wrong with like sam's home life because of a drawing that he did in class i feel like it's a pretty common trope in horror movies like kids are always just drawing [ __ ] and it's like a main plot point for some reason like kids are weird man they drop [ __ ] up [ __ ] sometimes doesn't mean anything's wrong i mean there is something wrong in this case because there's a goblin rubbing their windows but you know what i'm trying to say like look at this drawing that the teacher is so worried about we don't like to pry but is everything okay at home i'm sorry i just remember something we'll see you tomorrow sorry we don't like to pry but is there a scary little goblin trying to eat your dog i know it's none of my business that's just like a regular thing a kid would draw you know i drew way more [ __ ] up [ __ ] than that dude wait until this teacher finds out about hangman her [ __ ] head's gonna explode all right so this is the first scene where we get the full view of the goblin so sam is in the backyard uh when pistol smells something in the garden and we keep cutting to this infrared view from the bushes so something is clearly watching them let's uh let's see what it is he's doing the debbie ryan smile no sam oh god sam i i don't know what the [ __ ] going on man i want you to tell me about the green man nobody likes him but he's our friend this is another trope in horror movies that i've never understood there'll be like some monster or a demon or a ghost and the kid in the movie is always like it's my best friend that's just my that's just my friend samantha like what the [ __ ] are you kidding no never happened i'll preface this by saying that when i was a kid i was scared of literally everything but if i was eight years old and i saw a chubby goblin in my backyard i'd go okay and i'd walk to the nearest bridge and jump off of it because [ __ ] that that's so scary so later that night danny and danny junior come home with a cougar that they killed but sarah is not impressed a little gratitude so they leave the dead cougar hung up in the backyard overnight and big surprise the next morning it's gone goblin ate the cougar and that uh for some reason causes dany to lose his mind because now he thinks there's a bear on the loose so he hatches a plan to go and kill the bear this bear is mine and i just have one question about that does anybody have a job in this movie you guys just moved into a new house together get jobs i don't mean to sound like a capitalist cuck in this horror review but get a job you can go out and make some money and also stay away from the goblin in your backyard two great things at once you know but instead of killing two birds with one stone they kill one cougar with a gun a little gratitude i don't know guys we're getting close to the end so just bear with me here bear with me because he thinks there's a bear so danny junior he's chilling in his room when he hears a noise outside so let's see what happens oh there's 69 in it well uh yep danny junior's dead i've gotta eat okay i don't know how i didn't notice this when i was scripting but elias just witnessed a murder so you'd think he'd go over to sarah's and like tell her what he just saw right he doesn't do that you must leave now it is here and also for the rest of the movie danny jr just isn't mentioned like his dad doesn't mourn his death or anything it's just business as usual i mean i don't want to say things would have gone differently if i was cast in the role but we'll never know back to the video then there's another really funny scene where the police officers stopped by the house to tell danny that they found shnoopsie's dog tag in a big pile of [ __ ] like close to the neighborhood so all we really know about this goblin is that it shits a bunch so cool it's also weird that the officers are telling danny shouldn't you tell the owners of the dog right these guys are so bad at their job dude no gloves quietly speaking to nobody and giving bad news to the wrong person or do you think they're going like door to door because they're like proud of the job that they did right hey your dog's dead [Music] but look what we found why are you crying this is good for me all right guys it's time for the big finale are you ready so elias tries to burn the house down to um cleanse it of the beast we must cleanse this place puffs the beast and uh sarah hardly puts up a fight to that idea elias stop my son is asleep in there [Music] i'm a slow fragile weak old man and i'm gonna burn your house down no don't my son's in there i'm gonna do it here i go i can't stop him but don't worry guys he doesn't actually burn the house down because the goblin eats him so it's all good then sarah realizes she has to leave everything behind she has to leave danny so she grabs sam and pistol and they go to escape but as she tries to escape danny catches them if only there was somebody who could save the day yay that's the ugly little backyard [ __ ] goblin [Music] so yeah goblin eats danny i also love that danny's reaction to the goblin is like the most believable thing in this entire movie and one more thing i'll have what he's having you thought that was crazy gets crazier so nine months later the music is still playing sarah and sam get home and sarah fills up two big bowls of food she gives one to pistol and she walks out into her backyard that's absolutely caked in goblin [ __ ] which is just like damn [ __ ] you live like this then she sets the food down for the backyard poop goblin and i'm just gonna play the ending for you guys [Music] right did uh did she [ __ ] the goblin is that what they're implying i'm so confused like i'm sure it it could be the like danny's kid right like that's that's not like a crazy twist that she's pregnant with her husband's kid right so it makes me think that it was it's the goblins kid i genuinely think that sarah got knocked up by this chubby little goblin i guess sarah was gobbling those nuts i guess which is just typical you know you versus the goblin she told you not to worry about you know okay well uh that's goblin that is the movie goblin no post credit scene unfortunately so we can only hope for a goblin too maybe that one could be like a romantic comedy type thing where it revolves around sarah and the goblin you know trying to raise their uh goblin junior in a world that doesn't really like goblins that much that could be really funny and goblin junior could be voiced by chris pratt and goblin's gonna be voiced by chris brad and sarah is gonna be for expected friends damn the first time i watch goblin i watched it on my phone on my couch and i'm not gonna lie when i was done watching it i wanted to throw my phone against the wall i didn't obviously but i know if i did i'd be okay because i got rhino shield on my side [Applause] pretty impressive right rhino shield makes not only extremely protective but also super sleek and stylish cases with tons of awesome designs and customization options they have several different styles of cases like the modular nx case which features a changeable back plate there's the classic solid suitcase which is the one that i use on my phone literally every single day i love it it's literally the best phone case i've ever had in my life and also all of the cases have changeable buttons to suit your style and on top of all the original designs you can choose on the website you can also design your own case with your own photos and text or you can choose from their exclusive collaborations like the nba nasa pewdiepie league of legends pac-man and many other big names i feel like when it comes to phone cases you usually have to choose between looks or protection like you can never have both but with rhino shield you can literally have both at the same time and phones are expensive man you want to make sure that they're like they're good they're steady they're not gonna break you know rhino shield has the best cases out there dude i've been using this case every day for like months now and i just love how clean and simple it looks and it also gives me peace of mind like if i would ever drop it because you know i'm a silly little goofball sometimes you know when you pair a rhino shield case with their 3d impact screen protector you'll never have to worry about breaking your phone ever again and if you're still not on board listen up rhino shield ships worldwide and they also offer free shipping for qualified orders they have a lifetime replacement warranty for their cases so that means free phone case replacements and rhino shield cases are available for all iphones including the new models and a lot of android flagship devices as well heck they even got apple watch and airpod accessories too and you know what it gets better because rhino shield is hooking up the citizens of curtis town with a great deal if you just click the link in the description and use the discount code curtis you can get 20 off your order within the first week of this video's upload date and after the first week the discount drops to 10 so you got to be quick if you want the sweetest deal so again click the link in my description and use code curtis to get an amazing deal on an awesome phone case and it also helps me out a bunch when you check out the sponsors so everybody wins man all right thank you to rhino shield for sponsoring this video back to me alright that's it hope you guys enjoyed the video if you did please press the like button because believe it or not one like equals one pile of goblin [ __ ] that i will mail to you uh yeah leave a comment let me know what you thought i mean your guys comments are always way funnier than and you always you guys always pick up on things that i don't in these so i look forward to reading them so yeah leave a comment i will say i left out some parts of like danny being like actually abusive because i don't want to like include that in this video because i just wanted to like goof around and have fun so i do think this movie was trying something it was trying to like have the goblin be a metaphor for like an abusive relationship but i don't know i could be wrong but yeah that's just for if you watch the movie and you like see all these scenes i didn't include that's why but yeah press the subscribe button if you want because i make a video all the time and as soon as you press the subscribe button you become a valued citizen of curtis town if you didn't know curtis town is the best place to live in the world and i'm the mayor so you have to be nice to me it's the law uh you can check the description for the other things i do my instagram my twitter my my gaming channel my twitch my weekly podcast called very really good uh patreon for that podcast we got weekly bonus episodes over there it's great we got a curtis connor shorts channel now dude we're doing so much but yeah appreciate it so much thank you for watching hope you enjoyed it and uh happy halloween [Music] you

Channel: Kurtis Conner

Views: 5,319,494

Keywords: kurtis conner, kurtis connor, horror movie, bad horror movie, bad acting, bad cgi, worst cgi, commentary, movie reaction, bad movie, movie commentary, movie review, goblin, halloween

Id: yvZP3YQNuRo

Length: 27min 44sec (1664 seconds)

Published: Fri Oct 29 2021