"Who Drew The Map of Canada??" The Pale Tourist (NEW MATERIAL) Jim Gaffigan Stand Up

hey everyone this is a clip from my new special called the pale taurus which is streaming exclusively on amazon prime you can check it out in the link below hope you'll enjoy it please hit subscribe and like if you enjoy it and feel free to share thanks i do feel like the map of canada looks unfinished it's so detailed on the east coast and then it's just wide open spaces it's almost like someone was working on it and they fell asleep his boss comes over and are you done what ah oh yeah i just gotta put some names in uh prince edward island and nova scotia oh so much land newfoundland the bus is like are you done uh yeah yeah i'm done i'm done i'm done uh columbia that's a country all right uh british columbia i've been to british columbia it's not very british or colombian vancouver was like a rainy seattle spent a week in vancouver somehow it rained for two weeks well you guys had fun naming things vancouver out there in british columbia vancouver island vancouver city which is not on vancouver island north vancouver west vancouver south vancouver you know washington state you can have a vancouver everyone gets a vancouver everyone guess what it does appear you guys struggled with naming things a little bit it's like regina moose jaw do you want people to go these places then of course there's the saint john st john's fiasco saint john new brunswick and then right next to it st john's newfoundland i'm saying this like you don't know we know we live here now but it never came up nobody took a boat from one place to the other one hey that other place has the same name as this place nobody confronted newfoundland like hey new friend led saint john new brunswick is the oldest city in canada so don't use that name and newfoundland is like okay oh shoot well what happened now that is different it's different our capital is saying john that's the same name no no no i said right you spell out saint and ours is just st so it could stand for street does yours stand for street no it's sam first say but we ours ends with an apostle yes so it's possessive so like when saint john comes back he's like where do i go [Music] he's going to go to the virgin islands who are we getting i think it's fascinating that there's a part of canada called the northwest territories today i wasn't looking at a map from the 1600s or watching an episode of deadwood name your country northwest you know there are people that live there what kind of civic pride well where we're from in the northwest territories or as we call ourselves the northwest territorians go terror yeah how dismissive how do it's like northwest territories can we can we be a province no you may not how about a territory or a yard how about northwest storage area where's the northwest territories they're smaller because in the 90s the inuit people were like we'd like our own territories and the canadian government was like oh we didn't even know people lived there sure sure what what do you want your territories to be called uh none of it are you gonna tell them or it's a great name great name none of it love it uh sorry for stealing all the land anyway we got a hockey game we're watching so i think it's strange like canada it starts off normal the further east you go the crazier it gets like newfoundland is like newfoundland is like the crazy uncle that you don't introduce to friends until you've known them for a long time i don't want them to think i'm like everything is crazy in newfoundland everything it's like a newfoundland uh what time zones do you want to be in the same time zone as the maritimes we'll go a half hour earlier worldwide time zones are done by the hour we'll go half hour [Applause] okay okay uh just final uh housekeeping here um is newfoundland three words or two words one word thank you very much thank you because it's canada starts off pretty normal on the west coast british columbia you know it's like beautiful natural resources they shoot tv shows and movies there that's like your california right and then there's then there's al there's there's alberta where it's like oil and cowboys that's like your texas and then there's saskatchewan which we've established are all perverts looks like i'm not performing in saskatchewan again and then there's then there's manitoba which manitoba is like that friend you invite last to the party and only because you forgot they existed canada picks on winnipeg right that was kind of a big i remember i was in toronto and i was going to winnipeg and it was my first show there and everyone in toronto was like oh bring a bring a coat winnipeg hope you like cold weather uh i'm not sleeping outside then i got to winnipeg and i was like oh they're right they're right they nailed it i went to winnipeg in february but that's when you want to go that's it was 50 below 50. by the way at that point it doesn't matter if it's celsius or fahrenheit it's kind of like hell it's just bad and you forget how cold it is you forget how cold it is and then you step outside and you're like oh and that's why your national anthem starts that way it's like oh [Applause] [Music] canada i'm convinced half of you don't know the rest of the words it's like oh canada the pipes the pipes are calling [Music] i'm glad to blame people were so nice in winnipeg it was freezing and they kept apologizing for the weather they're like sorry it's so cold sorry it's so cold it's like i'm almost positive it's not your fault but they can't deposit sorry about the weather eventually i was like did you not pay a bill or something is weatherwork different up here i was in winnipeg for two days kept kept running into people from the philippines i learned later on a lot of people from the philippines have immigrated to winnipeg i know nothing about the philippines except for that it's a tropical paradise which winnipeg is not which brings up the question how bad are things in the philippines if you're moving to winnipeg you really want to move i got to get out of here would you move to a place where you can't go outside i'll go all right grab your flip-flops let's go i can say that joke because i'm from the philippines hi thanks for watching hit subscribe if you want if you want to see more stand up more stand up or if you want to see an original show like let's get cooking or the mike and pat show that's available on my channel but also just know that i'll be posting a new video every day during this pandemic or until the world ends please hit subscribe and turn on your alert or notification button

Channel: jimgaffigan

Views: 2,179,740

Rating: 4.914722 out of 5

Keywords:

Id: ehZePNP_w4I

Length: 9min 57sec (597 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2020

Reddit Comments

[u/SemichiSam]

Last year, when I suggested that we might call ourselves 'Snorkels' (because all 'subs' have them), the tepidly tentative agreement was followed by a request that Canadian members be designated as 'Snorkles'. We need to accept the desire of our Canadian brethren (and sistren) to distance themselves, even in a small way, from the open asylum to their South.

[u/Shotgunnbill]

Great post! I had never seen this before and being from Canada it's pretty spot on