The Best Of The Vulture | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

you know before I saw this case I like to thank you for doing all that super-easy work you know the real Nancy Drew level stuff oh yeah did Nancy Drew solve a lot of murders yeah she did murder a nice recipe for murder the answer was a wonderful detective I want her to be her when I grew up thanks Charles that's helpful hey should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case no I mean what was it with Diaz's last impossible extortion case was it six hours that's because it was 98% solved the last 2% Sarris again that's why they leave it in the milk oh hello Peralta oh no no why you're so upset man I'm the one who had to come in to this backwater stink hole what's up little man what's up you feeling sexy huh yeah I feel sexy you look sexy you know I do tell for that door yo how much you bench seriously no just a police station or a toilet because all I see is turds TECA Pembroke oh no I spilled coffee on you by accident lucky for you this wipes off quickly it's Costa had a we'll skip the vulture still flies the boat still flies remember you say we go talk about a case in the break room oh yeah Oh case is that a case of how you got so damn sexy God owed me a favor yes I told you I didn't know the guy you're lying we have pictures of you too come on we only have three minutes it's like you're not even trying to confess all right fine I'll just go then with this fully signed confession we did it gasps OH suck it vulture I killed that guy in his neighbor but you were too late wait you killed his neighbor stairs it's over thanks guys hey monkeys it's time to celebrate meet [Applause] Tara with an sis got stuck hiring him to play his own party was straight-up brilliant yep because everything he does is a prank on himself Wow you're an evil genius next time want to hurt someone I'm coming straight to you oh this a nicest thing you've ever said to me all right this next song is called moms in the shower now I don't know who wants you're sending us but it doesn't matter because we're family we're strong and together we can do anything something dogs I mean your captain the vulture still hot now I know we have our history me vulturing in your cases be telling you to eat my farts that's all in the past because now that I run this precinct things are gonna get much much worse so suck it the funeral is at three o'clock followed by a reception at Shaw's bar I want you all on your best behavior yeah all eyes are gonna be on us because freaking frack here killed captain dozerman Hey we accidentally startled a man with a genetic heart condition if you really think about it his parents killed him right whatever look there's a horse race going off and Dubai I got serious money on it dismissed oh yeah we should all check out that race he is the worst captain we've ever had he drew boobies on my bulletproof vest scared of me for 90 seconds while he ate an entire peach he heard that I speak Spanish and he made me fire his housekeeper she was polish at least he doesn't practice his crane kicks with you said doctor move [Music] okay sup bruh sup Jake got a little update for you on that burg salt case turns out the victim's wife was super hot yeah I read the file she's a mom not interested true that so listen I've been thinking we got off on the wrong foot here and I believe it's cuz we're just too damn similar you do absolutely we both love premium tequila yeah Robin Thicke oh yeah gots to have my pooks shots too and of course most importantly nip slips ha ha let me ask you a question Jake he also like open now in martial arts because he left this in my back mmm what I'm saying Einstein is that you stabbed me in my back how so we came up with a plan Jake is going to befriend the vulture so he lays off of us busted I knew that you were faking it I'll bet you don't even like nip slips so what you bugged the briefing room no Scully butt-dialed me yesterday and he still hasn't hung up once again Scully's butt is the downfall of this precinct look Jake I know that you and Santiago are trying to take me down you guys go home you lay in bed together you plot against me well no longer I want you to dump Santiago and that's an order what you can't do that it's completely against the rules okay Sonia Sotomayor I would never break the rules but what I could do for totally unrelated reasons is have you busted back down to a beat cop no don't do that all right I can learn to love nip slip no you either love them or you don't it's too late you dump Santiago or you kiss that Detective badge goodbye beat it stranger be on this side of the desk why oh right you used to work here you know I made a lot of improvements since you left I got a fridge for my protein shakes I got a kettlebell station and a wolf that I killed in Utah I'm fairly certain as a dog it was dark sir I'm sorry to interrupt but I need you to sign these Oh how do you realise you were here sergeant Jeffords hello welcome back hey you know I'm gonna stop you right there hugs are a form of inappropriate workplace touching trust me we're very familiar with the sexual harassment guidelines how do you all well I won't take up too much of your time because the nine-nine was captain dozerman's last precinct - you will be seated at the front of the funeral I wanted to alert you that they'll be press cameras well we'll move us crap nobody said anything about cameras I got a rock the bells oh I know it's in the bullpen that should change the keys numbering system I found when I was commanding officers I'm gonna stop you right there you're not commanding officer anymore I was making a suggestion yeah look you did a lot of good for this place while you were here which is great for me because I get to take credit for but you had a real cop anymore you're a desk jockey this is my precinct now and the sooner that you accept that the better yes well I know my way out coz used to work here I keep forgetting everybody does [Music] hey captain I was looking for you inside one thing I won't do is fart in church this is God's house Wow alright ladies I don't got a whole lot of time here so what you say we make like Boyles mom and you debrief me didn't happen nice you know she tells me everything yeah not everything Chucky just took off my undies hey Peralta what is that this yeah oh nothing just open and check case looks like a pretty fat file for a dunker what is it just some old lady has a missing torso then we can't find put in the major crimes pile but we've already given them all of our felonies that's because I got a bet going with the captain of the 84 see who's squad can solve the most cases winner gets to choose a tattoo for the loser guess what I'm getting them Calvin peeing on the Tasmanian devil now supposed to be a bad tattoo man you're really stupid in the morning aren't you cap yeah we all want you to win that back but do you think maybe we could keep a few real cases look I'm gonna make it real simple for you we always saw mr. meanors wieners say it wieners congratulations you just called yourselves wieners this myth is that the sound of a juicy file I heard flopping down on Peralta's desk yeah it was you just lost your overtime privileges for the month everybody listen up anyone caught working on a case that I didn't assign loses their overtime kaput kaput the food kaput bun kaput you didn't say no take-backs oh there you are I got something real special for the two of you great what do you got I'm one from today it's my birthday I need you to throw me a party alright make it epic surprise me are you asking us to plan you a birthday party yeah Helen Keller pay attention did you choose us because more women women love planning parties that's in the Bible let's see what you got for the big bday bash I thought you wanted us to surprise you it's a figure of speech detective stupid I'll go well I was thinking a DJ to signature cocktails pass orders whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa pass hors d'oeuvres was fundraiser for French dorks so no password d'oeuvres I can't even answer that all right tough guy what do you got planned I don't know meet at a bar and drink there I said but still better than Santiago's look this is real important to me all right my brother's hot wife is gonna be there and I haven't seen her since his funeral Wow Yeah right I mean you only get one shot at your brother's widow [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 2,433,582

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Andy Samberg, Brooklyn 9 9, cops, sit-com, comedy, funny, Peralta, Santiago, Rosa, Terry Crews, Melissa Fumero, Chelsea Peretti, Stephanie Beatriz, Andre Braugher, Captain Holt, Detective, New Girl, Rosa Diaz, Hot Damn, 99th precinct, detective jake peralta, jake peralta, terry jeffords, dean winters, dean winters allstate commercial, dean winter games, dean winters 30 rock, dean winters rescue me, dean winters brooklyn nine nine, dean winters brooklyn 99

Id: OsqHtoqawkY

Length: 10min 0sec (600 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 17 2018