The Best Detectives in The 99 - Chosen By You! | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I got it he's not answering any questions that's okay I have no questions that's right I'm about to monologue logs better make it quick you only got eight minutes all right then let me paint you a picture I'm Phillip a successful periodontist that's become addicted to diazepam a set of I take because I'm junkie scum also for real addiction is a disease I would be super empathetic if you hadn't murdered a man what is the point of this I'll get there so one day I'm working late when my boss Robert surprises me he found out I was stealing meds again junkie's gone also again not your fault there's a major genetic component to addiction he says he's going to file a police report I could lose my license we fight and something in me just snaps so I grab the first thing I can find and I hit him with it you still have no murder weapon I do now here's a pic I found on Yelp if the surgical Suite six months ago and here's a shot that our crime scene photographer took up the same room two weeks after the murder notice any differences we're not answering that that's all right I can just tell you myself the Yelp shot has six of these heavy Looking Glass awards from the Brooklyn periodontics Society in the background whereas this shot only has five what happened to number six you murdered Robert with him you lost all control and you bludgeoned him to death there must have been blood everywhere but you got lucky you were in the surgical Suite it can be sterilized you never would have gotten away with it in your carpeted office that's not what happened and your office manager would have heard all of the screaming but she was at her grandson's play lucky again you're wrong you put Robert's body into a wheelchair and shoved it in the elevator it's a miracle there wasn't blood everywhere that's not true now you're in the garage with a corpse you panicked and left your phone in your office and you don't have your car keys but Roberts are in his pocket so you put him in his car and you take off you can't believe what you've done no you're flustered you have no GPS so you just start driving no next thing you know you're in the Pine Barrens and it hits you your uncle's cabin he has a place there you're the luckiest son yes it was you got lucky at every turn no I knew exactly where I was driving I left my phone in the office on purpose I was in a surgical Suite by Design and I didn't use some glass award that any idiot would clearly see what's missing I made a rod out of a special dental polymer killed him with it then melted it back down it's already in a patient's mouth son oh damn oh damn oh damn and so concludes this year's secret santa drawing just a quick reminder of the rules 48 hour limit no perishable items and no homemade massage coupons Hitchcock fine the number one I have to pay full price for them Oh Captain I would like a 40 gift card to any restaurant that serves nachos I don't have you Peralta not only do I know that you do indeed have me but I also know who everyone else has that's not possible perhaps not for ordinary men such as yourself Jeffords but for the brilliant mind of detective Jacob Sherlock Peralta I legally changed my name it's quite simply Elementary where you see Amy made a face I only recognized from our bedroom which means that she has Captain Holt Charles has Terry his eyes keep shifting over to him Terry looked disgusted which means he has Hitchcock Rosa didn't draw a name nor did she put one in she doesn't want to participate never do Hitchcock moves his mouth when he reads and he quite clearly said Charles I did get Charles Scully has Amy he's holding his paper named side out oh he's good and I have Scully which means Captain hold has me I'll be taking that gift card Daddy loves nachos should we draw the names again and leave Jake out yeah very very interesting guys Captain hold has no pants on um what he has no pants on is what here are the facts at 11 55 a.m Captain Holt walked past us holding a hot bowl of soup at 1203 PM I heard him yell ouch then at 1207 he called Gina into his office she entered holding nothing one minute later she left holding an opaque bag Captain Holt's pants were in that bag his knees are in the breeze he that evidence is circumstantial oh so you guys want visual confirmation not really done hey Captain I just need you to sign something at my desk real quick just leave it on the couch dismissed okay sir you're gonna freak yo-yo Ma's in the precinct and he's giving out autographs Yo-Yo Ma is on tour in Australia right now how would you know that I'm choking on a lozenge I'm gonna die there's another bowl of soup since you spilled yours earlier but you're gonna have to come over here to get it all right I'm sick of you wasting time so yes I spilled some minestrone on my pants and I'm sitting in my underwear happy yes ah listen up everyone we had a murder this morning the Vic was found at 8 45 by a dog walker who let herself into his apartment oh my God it's Franzia this is the work of Johnny Franzia my white whale he's finally resurfaced not this again yes this again Johnny Franzia has been on a murder spree for the past 10 years and every time he kills someone he taunts me look there's a deck of cards you say that whenever there's cars at a crime scene you know how many people own cars Jake then explain this Johnny franzia's catchphrase is deuces are wild now look around the apartment two chairs two paintings two pillows there are three lamps you think Franzia gives a damn about lamps you sound so dumb right now this is why you don't have an arch nemesis Terry because you focus on the wrong details maybe I don't have an arch nemesis because I saw all my crimes that's a predictive thing to say to me outnumbered my bottom biggest men are on the way yes I call for backup cut me down [Music] oh Terry took you down nice timing Sarge how'd you know we were up here Captain Mark the H is in chocolate which are instantly connected to the giant helipad H world right now oh cool cool yes we also solved that look every desk I told you it's empty she's right over there burning stuff I'm just saging trying to clear this place of my energy why Cold Feet no no one's paying me for my vibes anymore I'm not trying to give them away for free oh my God I know what's going on Gina you're having second thoughts you have cold feet I figured it out take for the win there you go come on man after a month I found my suspect Dimitri Kuzco ex acrobat with a criminal record circus trash it has to be him that's exactly what I said circus trash it has to be him I'll track down my acrobat got SWAT to surround this building there was no way anything could go wrong my guy had a terrible trapeze ball two years prior snapped his spine in half so why the kitten boom in the moment I may have gotten a little blustered look he's got a gift he trained the cat to do the robberies that's why that's why burgers and everything [Music] hey there remember me so this is weird the catacombs too huh now where's the cat been 20 years Sarge cat's probably dead I'm still bringing him in what are these bne I worked last year you notice a clue I missed arson I solved last summer you gave me advice on how to break the guy in interrogation blackmail from 09 when you said the nanny did it and guess what the nanny did it I don't understand you didn't just work your own cases you helped me and Jake and Charles and Amy there are hundreds of cases that wouldn't have been solved without you you add all that up that's a record nobody's ever gonna touch congratulations mr99 thanks Diaz I can disable the security DVRs but I need some way of getting to a station unnoticed I have an idea on how to smuggle you in but it'll be a tight fit I'm flexible I do a lot of yoga you yoga helps keep me centered if you ask me about it again I'll hunt you down and rip your face off okay great good plan maybe you went up the wall like this oh never mind it's not possible sure [Music] damn Rosa how did you do that I have a dark past [Music] now you know my deepest shame cool well now that I saw you do it I get how to do it too Terry it's coming for you and I guarantee you soldiers find this place not gonna happen I rented out under a shell Corporation yeah my mail goes to appeal box in Queens yeah my neighbors think my name is Emily goldfin oh yeah people I work with I'll think my name is Rosa Diaz yeah wait what don't worry about it okay back on Halloween I knew Jake would make the first move and I had to be ready you were hiding in the fog it wasn't halt to put that chair in my pathway no I did I wanted to be the one who was responsible for our Victory we already lost there's no point in trying to maintain team around now dick anyway I knew cheddar would be making an appearance everyone loves to see each other he's here a lot I never bring in Arlo who exactly I spent every morning for the last year giving cheddar a taste for ham oh so that's why he got so thick and ended up on chunky pups I submitted his photo and once you put cheddar on a diet all I had to do was Mark the gems a little that sweet ham taste why did you want cheddar to swallow The Gents because I needed to delay things the second part of my plan took place on Valentine's Day which went perfectly I wouldn't say perfectly Scully swallowed the gems so I tricked him into it it wasn't hard pretty much used the same cheddar ham Playboy table ham seven days in a row so now I have to think twice before I eat food I find lying around thanks a lot I Mark the gems with ham again and everything pushed to Easter when I could finally get rid of Scully as my partner doctor I'm willing to pay you to tell Norm Scully not to participate participate no no no school is not be participating in any activities he could die I will call him right now now I finally had a teammate whose hand I could cut off just needed a little help from Terry well that thing's pretty heavy huh did you bring the tools well you were retired you were loving your smoothies yeah but after a while I felt left out and if I'm being honest smoothies weren't even that good I wonder why that was maybe it's because I have your smoothie am I the only one who didn't get fed ham this year wait how did you know about Jake's bunny plan you weren't the only one listening on those therapy of course the bunny should have glasses I just can't believe I didn't come up with it myself but you know what Betty Rubble also gives me a boat you guys were listening in on my therapy it feels like a real violation Jake this is Rose's moment yeah man go tell to your fake therapist she's fake anyway then I grabbed the gems jumped off the roof wrote my name in Flames wait why did you keep delaying the heists couldn't you have just wanted Halloween oh I did these are the real Halloween gems I switched them out before cheddar found them I also won on Valentine's Day what is happening switch those gems up before I gave them the Scully and then I won today so all you nerds are always arguing about the only two-time Champion is me I just became the first three-time Champion I guess there's just one thing left to do Rosa Diaz an amazing human slash genius point is a crime has been committed and someone in this room did it there are seven suspects all with means and motive it appears what we have is a classic whodunit the phrase whodunit is a grammatical Abomination please use the proper term a who has done this I will not however in order to solve this case we need the very finest of detectives one with a unique set of skills someone named Tillman I'll call Dillman who [Music] foreign detective Frank Dillman of the San Francisco PD he is in town and we were supposed to have lunch tomorrow but I asked him to come down because I need an objective set of eyes on this I can be objective then tell me how do I look today normal no tell me bloated thank you Dillman is the single best detective I have ever worked with sadly he was unjustly fired for investigating corruption in the NYPD he hated dirty cops so much they used to call him Mr Clean I'm sure that's the only reason they called him that because I'm bald you think that's funny I started shaving my head 20 years ago in solidarity with my mother who was undergoing chemotherapy oh I'm so sorry obviously lying it's classic male pattern baldness but now based on your reaction I know every single thing about you as a person that can't be true it is you're cooked all right let's get started to recognize the brave officers that have put their lives on the line it is my great honor to present the medal of valor to detective Charles Boyle and Sergeant peanut butter [Applause] foreign Charles is getting the same metal as a horse at least Boyle was announced first because the horse outranks him this is amazing that's enough Peralta this is a huge honor and nothing can take that away from him the horse is pooping on the stage Sergeant peanut butter is pooping on the stage an NYPD officer has gone missing the department suspects Foul Play Oh my god do we know the officer yes it's Sergeant peanut butter my Nemesis your Nemesis is a horse are you still mad at peanut butter because he won a medal the same day as you he totally upstaged me he touched me look what you get if you do an image search of Charles Boyle medal of valor huh they cropped me out of my own photo you just keep that tab open on your phone all the time no I just looked it up real fast he didn't say somebody was walking by the fire and took a picture on their cell phone what that's not what happened I saved him that's not how they're reporting it no look Daily News got it right yeah hero cop saves helpless buffoon oh no am I the buffoon oh Charles I'm fine and this is an emergency Subways aren't running and we're gonna have a lot of people on the street so I'm going to call mounted division to help with crowd control but that's Sergeant peanut butter unit no one wants to work with that condescending dick okay first of all he's a horse so he can't be condescending oh oh he's got you people fooled secondly he's Lieutenant now what what how Charles get it together you're wrong about hope that man has forgotten more about being a cop than you will ever know in 1981 he caught the Disco Strangler it's over disco man put down the yo-yo and back away from the girl I am who I am because of Ernest zumowski aka the Disco Strangler oh so you knew who I was talking about yeah sure you talk about him a lot you know the yo-yo was his calling card oh I mentioned that too so how'd he die he was in a prison transport van and he got in a terrible accident the burst in the Flames he was trapped inside died horribly escaped just like he said he would all those years ago I'll be coming back for you I'm just like disco baby I will never die true disco will never die but you will in yourself Punk oh so I've told that part of the story as well were you able to match the dental records that the Disco Strangler no the body had no teeth well that's suspicious not really zumowski didn't have any teeth either due to him being very old yes and what about the fact that this corpse is 71 inches tall when the Disco Strangler was 76. he shrank over time is that another old person thing yes it is another old person thing we also have a DNA match between hair on the head of this body and the Disco Strangler so this is clearly zumasi and that's a good thing you can finally say goodbye to your Nemesis thanks Sergeant that's a nice thought for an idiot to have look at this a dirty little string oh it's not just any old string it's a yo-yo string the most dangerous part of the yo-yo the Strangler wanted me to find this to remind me of the stranglers mo he always seduced an accomplice into doing his fiendish bidding thank you I bet it was the van driver you mean the woman who was flown violently from the vehicle and just barely survived yeah I'm sure she was very badly injured sorry if my voice is raspy they just took the breathing tube out but they left a BS in good God freeze NY PD is that Raymond Holtz I see you haven't changed a bit neither of you Ernest what neither have you earnest what neither have you Earnest this is hard to watch you're just as devious as ever you seduced the van driver didn't you no I seduced the van driver she couldn't resist my groovy Voodoo and the yo-yo string was a message the yo-yo [Music] you took the wrong Fluffy Boy got my key I they didn't they swapped the safe one of the handmaids I'm assuming fake Charles took my safe and then of Amy deposited a look-alike where did you give fake Charles so he'd help you nothing in fact he gave me something the power of Financial Freedom I invested in a pyramid scheme it's no time to go into it right now okay so while we all tried to figure out who had the real key fake Charles broke into the safe removed the tracker and led Terry and the whole squad on a wild goose chase my only question is which box is the belt in wow good luck figuring it out because the clock is Tick Tick tocking it's that one no the dust pattern on top doesn't match its neighbors you see Jake I'm always gonna be one step ahead of you you've lost the ability to surprise me you just plain boring again weird take on a very loving relationship you thought I was just holds Lackey and you thought I was just Jake's girlfriend well I'm my own person capable of making my own decisions and I decided to humiliate you both well you did and it was awesome one last question where's the crown oh it's at Shaw's bar the official site of my coronation all hail the crown of Destiny and all hail she who wears it Amy Santiago I'm sorry for getting so competitive back there you guys are helping me out I should just be grateful of course you're being nice to me when I'm being a monster well you know what Mr Perfect I'm gonna find that ledger and I'm gonna save your stupid butt that would be so great maybe there's a hidden panel somewhere it's not in the desk I bet it's in this old safe well that seems like a lot of work to open every time you depay a bribe I would keep it in this filing cabinet it's us we're on Baltic oh crap that was him hey [Music] thank you [Music] stay down damn Sarge maybe I do like the sash it's full of treats it's got Meats cheeses candies all the food groups the cheese is amazing it melts in my mouth and in my hands French chocolates French cheeses tiny French pickles did none of you detectives think this might be a gift for Captain Holt from someone in France like his husband poor example what no way this is a nice present from an unknown appreciative citizen that wanted us to munch what's this then dear Captain Raymond Holt thinking of you best Dr Kevin Costner PhD he even used their pet names oh no I ate the chocolate covered strawberry that's the most intimate snack of them all what's going on sarge you find that leak yet yes I'm hiding behind a coffee maker spying on everyone in this office because I found a leak oh Terry sarcasm is not a good look on you but you know what would be a really tight Henley very helpful I know who your leak is what I looked up the reporter who published the crime numbers and I noticed you two follow each other online oh he followed me and you know I'm a proud member a team follow back so I went through your feed to see what you were posting a lot of pictures of your kids nobody cares and then I found this picture you posted last week living that hashtag yogurt life embarrassing but what's even more embarrassing Terry is that the arrest numbers are in the photo clear as day oh my God all right I was sleek take that picture down Gina I am so sorry I blamed you and I knew you would say something like that so I went ahead and bought myself a cake on your behalf check it out oh dang and this has been here for the last half hour detective didn't even notice it God I'm so sick of doing everyone's job for them it's like help me out a little bit just once in a blue moon we can keep it in my office until it's time to leave what do you have in the pastry box sir brownies no you hold brownies from the side he's holding it from the bottom true maybe it's a cheesecake there's no condensation on the box it's room temperature look at the fingers spread tensing in the shoulders he's supporting something dense it's a pie it is a pie damn that was impressive yeah there's definitely something in there looks like a peanut I bet it's a cashew you're on that's weird there's a smudge on this sign right over the H there's a smudge on this H2 oh my God why would you touch a hospital thing and then put it in your mouth it's chocolate great instincts never doubt yourself hey Boyle guess who caught the timmos limos perp Jake is Jake back oh we did let's go ahead Hitchcock same confession you call this useless you call this incompetent you call the zeros in the sack never happened well someone said it to me last night no it must have been my wife how did you solve the case we listen to those voicemails again and notice the sound of parrots in the background got a list of employees did door Duty asking neighbors if any of them kept pet birds we finally found one who did and guess what a landscaping in front of his building was covered with these same type of rock that was thrown through the window you don't think you can break one watch I meant I can't believe you solved the case well you're wrong on that too check it out the Hitchcock got a tattoo Mr nine nine why are you why are you in your mouth I'm blowing smoke off the barrel it's cool the barrel is fully inside your mouth you're clearly about to kill yourself you're just jealous because he's got the arrest record and you don't yeah suck on this click oh you pulled the trigger man that was a suicide squad meet detective Adrian pimento he's been deep undercover for the last 12 years but he's just resurfaced and he's rejoining the nine nine that awesome what'd you do undercover I worked for Jimmy The Butcher figures that is an A-list mobster tell me literally everything everyone shut up pretty much just a Bag Man for him I mean I did some other stuff um we usually try to tell funnier little stories well there's nothing funny about what I did for the butcher I've had to learn not to Blink because every time I close my eyes I see a fresh Horror oh dark but how do you keep your eyes moist no actually I have a very funny story about keeping my eyes moist [Laughter] amateur job everybody knows you break in when the owner's there that way you have guaranteed access to the safe and you can kick his teeth in to send a message okay why don't you just oh sure you can slit his throat but then what are you gonna do with all the blood uh we just leave it in his body where blood lives because we're cops oh right we're cops and don't worry sir we're gonna catch these bastards or my name isn't Paul Sneed Adrian Adrian pimento so what'd they take about fifteen thousand dollars worth of stuff TVs cameras a bunch of prepaid cell phones ooh you sell burner phones kind of deals you got on those why do you want to know about the deals just Gathering evidence for the case because I'm a cop remember detective Paul Smith Adrian Adrian I I know who I am you know what forget this okay what's up jerk Mitchell you're broken in my house yeah I'm an insurance investigator I can do whatever I want what are you doing here I'm working the case I'm looking for Clues come on you already said Charles couldn't do this I couldn't do it that's what I thought but then I realized if you can hide your engagement from me what else are you capable of hiding oh right arson come on don't you think that's a bit of a stretch is it lab test came back into the accelerant used in the fire was turpentine and look what I found in Boyle's wife's closet looks to me a lot like turpentine oh I wouldn't do that turbine Diner just like I thought that's Genovese she uses it for her pants story on my count one two three I got it from here get up get up turn around oh you made us run up 10 flights of stairs it's over thanks guys I got it from here right to remain silent anything you say and it will be used against you in a court of law thanks guys I got it from here skim white chocolate macchiato for Charles yes I got it from here there's a gift card for that should we take odds on how fast I'll solve this case no I mean what was it with Diaz's last impossible extortion case what was it six hours that's because it was 98 solved the last two percents are is to get that's why they leave it in the milk the rumor the new captain will be here today now I don't know who once you're sending us but it doesn't matter because we're a family we're strong and together we can do anything what's up ding dogs I'm your new captain the vulture still hot tell us where you were at lunch well if you must know I was having lunch with Boyle no way you two are the second most unlikely 99 lunch combination first is anyone with Hitchcock and Scully second is Holton Charles it is pretty strange I mean obviously it was uncomfortable but it was a work line look it's not a big deal guys we don't have to talk about it I was offering him the task force position Boyle is my choice boil from work foreign oh how great for him and no one else you know what I just remembered that I'm late to leave gotta go by six Banks robbed in three weeks two hundred and fifty thousand dollars stolen citizens trembling in fear well no more Boyle you got your bank Robert went home last night no overtime just me and some Bree and I cracked it so here he is the thug that's been terrorizing the city say hello Marvin hello oh my God he's so old he's not that old his nurse isn't even full-time he couldn't pull off a bank job he couldn't pull off the cap on his medicine I can hear you sorry this guy is a ruthless criminal I'm sorry sir is this going to take long because I was hoping to buy some slacks this afternoon I like corduroy you like I love corduroy he likes corduroy you sure you have the right guy wasn't the robber strong and fast and able to eat solid foods nobody saw him eat the guy wore a rubber mask and his voice was disguised my system is a little unsettled because I trouble you for ginger ale oh of course sir we'll get that in a comfy chair for you to sit in yeah I robbed those Banks I don't even need the money but I like to see the tellers squirm I get off on violence oh my God he robbed the banks he gave me money for the ginger ale after you insisted he was guilty I went back and checked his dollar serial numbers match the stolen bills you brought in the right guy you're a damn good cop will I know no one listens okay I'm not 100 sure this is right and maybe I'm missing something Charles as a veteran of many big reveals can I give you a tip not so much waffling I agree you're not commanding the room let him finish his way but to do Pace it up a bit Jones copy that so from the beginning I was very skeptical that anyone in our Squad was behind the prank why didn't you just say that I did and then you said that's exactly what a guilty person would say uh stand by it okay so who was the prank man there was no prank that was just a cover you see guys the point of the explosion was to contaminate the evidence of the Dekalb Street murder but the suspect is in prison has no ties to organize crime and no means of driving an officer how could he have possibly pulled that off yeah Jake that stopped me for a little bit too but then something you said gave me an idea I mean that kind of evidence would never hold up at trial you'd be laughed at of course I remember when I said that it was awesome wait but who did it the Mastermind was Ada green he didn't have enough evidence for the case he was afraid he was going to lose and needed someone to blame it on whom did he work with obviously someone who knew about the pranks and that Amy called Jake babe excellent question Captain I took a little digging to find that out but I pulled some Personnel files and combed through some social media do you know what Green's wife's maiden name is Duchovny no no Booth Howard booth as in officer booth his brother-in-law put the evidence on Jake's desk he put the glitter bomb there oh my God we have to find boots I already did it and I booked him classic elevator reveal that's your whole impression I could hear him doing that looks looks like a stick I don't care for it classical music what's going on here what are you doing Captain hey nothing just eating some marshmallows care for one marshmallow hmm I knew it [Music] foreign

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 1,264,402

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, NBC, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Sitcom, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn nine nine, brooklyn 9 9, brooklyn 99 detective, brooklyn 99 solving a case

Id: WmrKWXsTcs0

Length: 31min 23sec (1883 seconds)

Published: Wed Oct 04 2023