Best of Caleb the Cannibal | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

the alarm went off before we could even talk Oh oh that's too bad but but at least you have people to want to come and visit you my family hasn't been to see me since my trial you eat nine people and all of a sudden they don't know who you are anymore wait but these eight people are you cannibal Caleb well that's not how I would define myself we forgot about what I'm most passionate about I would say that I'm a woodworker why did you think I was in protective custody I don't know I guess I hoped you were another cop wrongly convicted of crimes you didn't commit no I did all my stuff and more there's tons they can't even trace to me the secret is eating the evidence okay this is just great I don't see anyone from the outside for another three weeks and my only friend here is a cannibal woodworker look if you really want to talk to people on the outside just get a cell phone yeah that'd be great but it's illegal right there's this guy in gen-pop Romero he can smuggle anything in at his place phones drugs big bag of hair why would you want that you know what don't tell me the less I know about you the better okay let's find this Romero guy right now I really want to chop down on his meat Caleb this is scary I don't like being so near Jinpa it's fine it's not like they're all waiting for an opportunity to kill us sure some of them are actually nice like this gentle giant here hello Sarah what brings you to the fence today just here to stab you forget you closed meet Caleb remind me not to stand too close to the fence will do oh here's a Romero so what's up you need another bag here yeah we'll talk later same order though about whatever hey warden what's up what the hell are these I found them doing a sweep of your bunks oh we got those at the commissary Perconte beef you think I don't know that picante beef is a Street flavor I was being kind to you by putting you two in protective custody but if you're gonna bring contraband into my prison and flaunt my rules pack your bags you're going to Gen pop Gen pop but my tough prison beard hasn't fully grown in yet just give me six or seven more years I can't believe we're going to gen-pop a cop and a cannibal everyone's gonna be trying to kill us no what are we gonna do you're a psychopath you can protect us in there right I mean you killed and ate a bunch of people they want children Jake weak little children one [ __ ] on the head was all it took damn it can't believe I'm friends with a cowardly cannibal Oh cream Turkey you know what I could really go for it people pot pie first of all Jake great alliteration second of all just because I was arrested for cannibalism doesn't mean that all I like to eat is people I was gonna say a chicken burrito man my cousin was so tasty oh come on there's Wilson I'll go make him mad what do you tax me you film it then afterwards we'll meet up in the bathroom okay great what are you gonna do to get him angry well I don't know him so I'm not sure what buttons to push but I'm sure if I try enough things is something I'll set him off excuse me can I ask you a question director table yeah you know I would except for oh my god that's all the time I told you get back sir are you okay yeah what hurts the most is knowing that prisoners are treated this way every day in our penal system also he kicked me in the Wiener a bunch mmm show me the video I'll send it to Charles since he got it anonymously and then caleb is this is did you fill yourself the whole time okay look I've been in prison for 15 years I'm not good with new technology if you want somebody to lure a kid to a park using a light hose chat room I'm your man look just press this button and make it front-facing come on let's try it again hey Wilson please tell me you were pointed in the right direction that time yes but there was a different issue Caleb you added the Fiesta filter I'm doing the best I can tell that to my wiener I'm doing now don't really gosh okay how'd you screw it up this time I did and I got everything I even zoomed in for some close-ups thank God I was so sure that something was gonna go wrong hey there Peralta oh I'll take that phone now Hey hmm put a bind I need your help that's what friends are for well friends might be a bit of a stretch I mean your cannibal that ate six people nine and a half yet worse anyway here are my options hey I keep a string Romero to tell me where the drugs are he realizes I'm a snitch then he cast straights me and kicks me to death that's not great what's option B I back off Romero never find out what the drugs are the warden tells everyone I'm a snitch and then Romero castrate me it kicks me to death mhm both option saw a little castrate yeah yeah that's what I keep bumping up against too well you know whenever I'm backed into a corner I just do what I do best I Drive a cross-country forging new identity and then take a job as a camp counselor oh my god Guilhem you're genius I wouldn't say genius they camp ran a pretty extensive background check no not that your past is a straight-up nightmare but I need to do what I do best be a cop work the case and figure out where the drugs are on my own and you tell the warden and the warden will bust Romero Romero won't think I'm a snitch because he never told me where they are all right this is gonna be tough I'm really gonna have to thread the needle oh I got really good at threading neato back when you're making your skin suit I know look I like being friends with you but you have to stop bringing that up but we're friends don't let them see us Landon I gotta tell you cop work is a lot like hannibal work really oh yeah the watching the following they're waiting for soccer practice to end come on man I can't believe this I'm gonna die in here and then you're gonna eat my castrated body I guess but it'd be a pretty boring meal without dessert oh my god oh no Rivera's headed towards us he looks angry he always looks angry maybe it's not directed at you know now he's pointing at you this is bad I know it's bad the warden took my entire stash is soap apparently someone told him it was bliss you want me to help you figure out who it was well it was tank no wasn't yeah I wasn't tank it was me tank I came clean and saved your life now you owe me no uh though I told you what I do his stitches hold ooh Romero what are you doing it's okay Jake I got this Peralta is my best friend if you want to kill him you're gonna have to kill me first because friendship cool oh my god it's Daffy Jake you're next pirata you better sleep with one eye open you poked me in my tummy well warden your squad busted Melanie Hawkins are you getting up come with me okay wait can I do one thing first I wanted to say goodbye I can't believe you saved my life I would not do it again it really hurt yeah but you did do it and I regret it so much Caleb you're ruining this look I just wanted to say thank you for everything you got me through this I'm gonna miss you ah put it there pal I have an idea we need to get into the mind of a sicko and the only way to do that is with the help of another sicko Jake it's so good to see you come give me a hug I'm not gonna eat you also don't hug me cuz I will try to eat you this is such a surprise I haven't seen you since I transferred here how's Amy she's great we're married and she's a sergeant now Wow yeah how's everything here yeah same ol same Oh guess who's here Herman Herman always playing Yahtzee knew everybody's name worship Satan did he he never mentioned that it is exhausting well I'm Charles I'm Jake's best friend Charles he's serving three life sentences no need to flex so Caleb we're tracking a serial killer and I was thinking you could help us get inside his head just because I ate humans doesn't mean that I'm inhuman Jake Caleb come on that's not what I'm man just kidding I'm probably friends with a guy online what's his deal well he's been murdering young men and cutting out their hearts ooh what I would never eat our heart I stick to the normal stuff butts in thighs one time I ate a foot but it was nasty yeah I could see that you know what there was some weird guy on the forum recently before yeah it's a chatroom for people who like to talk about eating human beings but definitely won't act on it wink yeah it's hosted on obviously anyways he showed up from out of nowhere asking questions about cutting out hearts really do you know anything else about it I've never seen him on there before but you could check the logs I'll approve you I'm an admin oh you might want to switch the incognito otherwise your targeted ads will be pretty cannibal specific ah good to know well it was good to see you Caleb send me that info our murderer may have gotten away but we did find his killer maybe there's something in here that we're not seeing perhaps we should pay you're accountable friend another visit I wouldn't say they're friends so much as ex cellmates no it's true we're friends he ain't kids people are complicated no I tell you one thing you are not looking for a cannibal why do you say that with all that blood no self-respecting cannibal would waste all that sauce see Charles he's a foodie like you who are you Cassie in the picture again oh man those are some nice tools have a love to spread some ribs using that sternal retractor but they only sell those to hospitals a minute what'd you just say I said I'd love to get my little fingers in some chest ease no no not the super crest part surgery grade tools precise incisions around the heart and there was no ice at the motel because the perp was using it for the Hart's we're not looking for a serial killer he stole the hearts for a transplant boom we solved it boyo give me a hug [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 8,980,597

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Andy Samberg, Brooklyn 9 9, cops, sit-com, comedy, funny, Peralta, Santiago, Rosa, Terry Crews, Melissa Fumero, Chelsea Peretti, Stephanie Beatriz, Andre Braugher, Captain Holt, Detective, New Girl, Rosa Diaz, Hot Damn

Id: Uhhw6Jw295o

Length: 10min 3sec (603 seconds)

Published: Tue Aug 20 2019