Screaming and Smash Cuts: Even More Cold Opens | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

good morning boy it's Halloween I'm surprised you didn't put on the costume I was going to sir but then I decided screw that jazz well I'm the only one who ever dresses up no one ever gets my costume and they make fun of me so I'm done these people don't deserve my dress-up gifts Charles seriously no costume what the hell Charles where's your Halloween spirit but you guys always make fun of me I have never once insulted you in my life especially these Ivy your appearance yeah man we always love your costumes remember last year when you came as that person and/or thing yes I do remember sir permission to sprint to my car get my emergency costume does it matter if I say no oh [Music] pam-pam boom why are you dressed up you look like an idiot yeah what are you supposed to be a sassy car mechanic no come on he's clearly the rejected pop-tarts mascot harry pop-tart I'm not You Know Who I am squat that's enough you're making boil for bad on purpose he's Elvis yes Elvis Stojko the Canadian figure skaters Falcon one do we have a go the light is green Tiger one what are you gonna say when he crashed through the window hey there sorry for dropping in goosebumps shaken goosebumps it's equipment secure check weapon loaded check did you have breakfast what that's not on the checklist I added it because I care about you no I did not have breakfast unacceptable look in your pocket hey there's a little chocolate chips in this yeah I'm not an idiot I know how to trick my best friend into eating his fiber all right bar digested mission go hey there sorry for dropping in was it cool it felt really cool yeah yeah it's pretty cool pretty cool boy wrong hey you'll have fudge on cheek Oh from the breakfast bar boil ladies and gentlemen welcome to the most anticipated event in this precinct history the auction for the sir case of mystery exactly Jacob this puppy's been in the lost and found since 1976 no one alive today knows its contents I'm happy to say captain holt is finally giving me permission to auction it off I'll let you give me a spray tan any shade you want Jake willing to sacrifice his dignity who can top it massage I'll give you a massage Charles going in the wrong direction and getting himself disqualified interesting approach orange Jake goin wants goings why I'll show you a picture of me in high school there's a side pony Oh girls are coming in hot Rosa coming in hot I'll also give you full control of my hair and wardrobe I'll go on a date with you so did Jake not just go away that really freaked me out and I just want this to end now so there's this suitcase okay yeah what are you eating an Italian sub for breakfast I am but Amy said I should eat more veggies so I got extra pepper tunics smart chewy you need to watch yourself I'm sorry cop all right let's everybody just stay calm here Oh what are you gonna arrest me for dancing you call that dancing this is dancing what is happening situation butter from making butter dancing over situations is used okay great see you tomorrow thanks doctor [Music] hey there Sarge not to pry but I couldn't help it over here you go to the doctor everything okay I'm getting a vasectomy my ears are burning someone safe protected me I got snipped no big deal just numbs you out from trunk to skunk for a year it's not supposed to trunk to skunk hold it up you're gonna let some quack doctor just knife around down there you were blessed with a great power and you should never snip its wings you should let it soar thanks guys that's enough I don't need any more input neither does your wife I guess look you guys if the sergeant wants to chop off his penis that is his choice that's not what a vasectomy is you guys don't get back to work I'm gonna start firing detectives and blanks sorry I just never think of jokes anybody else this is your last chance Oh God no need to be so testes guess you won't be manning the tip line sergeant is just gonna go on your permanent record now playing scrotal recall ant ant ant ant ant everywhere are we sure that we've cleaned up all the food and crumbs why is everyone looking at us we're the ones who eat up for the crumbs yeah we're the solution well there are no ants on my desk because I sanitize it daily what do you call that now they're destroying our technology this is an invasion they're in my yogurt now it's personal all right that's it we have got to fight back this is our planet just use Boyles Cologne it's repulsive to everything not cool you're going to Penn Station to buy me a new one the ant infestation it's bad they bite now sir I think they're just trying to avoid the cold weather we should freeze them out the plane is working captain yes we won oh my god they're in the coats do you know we got that file I need a capital design Gina hasn't taken her eyes off the phone in two hours first person to make her look up wins the pot I'm in that which improves someone's manners double score sorry guys I got this in the bag I used to have to distract her from my phone all the time when we were smooshing booties yeah hey girl Oh catch you later mid-morning dance party she's dancing even better than normal oh my god did you hear that george w bush died Gina may never look at another real human being again she's unbeatable know about that Terrence Jeffords are you kidding me change my relationship status to it's complicated pony up y'all it's my life hey baby no no no no it was a mistake my thumb slipped it I have to go home papa scared there's a place for my claws Oh buddy she's okay I'm here monsters aren't real my little pierogi but I saw it was they in a hurry you just had a nightmare buddy no it was real sure it felt that way but I I'm gonna open this closet and I'm gonna show you that there's nothing in there don't do that blah blah see hey Chuck it split I've been going out up for six hours he won't say a word the guy's a brick wall not to worry Sarge I'll take it from here hope you boys brought popcorn cuz I'm not to put on a show well well well here you don't like answering questions Marcus that's fine by me cuz I'm not asking hey mo fella subscribe okay so looks like we're locked in that's bad news for you cuz you're trapped in here with a psycho is anyone tried it from the outside locks broken got a call facilities copy that no rush as I said I got all the time and the worst little warm in here right do you feel any air coming out of that vent I got nothing we got an ETA on facilities at least 45 minutes so they've checked all this paint for led right in the room first bestest I feel like I'm sucking on a tailpipe in here mark out everybody get away from the mirror I can't breathe I can't breathe hey calm down man I'll confess just stop freaking out what I did I robbed them boom and that's how it's done I was faking the whole thing to break him I could have stayed in here forever good because facility's gonna be a couple hours we're gonna die here [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 3,610,048

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Andy Samberg, Brooklyn 9 9, cops, sit-com, comedy, funny, Peralta, Santiago, Rosa, Terry Crews, Melissa Fumero, Chelsea Peretti, Stephanie Beatriz, Andre Braugher, Captain Holt, Detective, New Girl, Rosa Diaz, Hot Damn

Id: fVt1fWsM73k

Length: 9min 37sec (577 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 06 2018