Hitchcock and Scully being actual geniuses for 16 minutes | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

the Canadian cops think that my dad used his security clearance to smuggle in over a thousand pills of turgid doll Canadian erection medication very potent what I don't need it but I love it yeah we can keep it in my office until it's time to leave what do you have in the pastry box sir brownies no you hold brownies from the side he's holding it from the bottom true maybe it's a cheesecake there's no condensation on the box it's room temperature look at the finger spread tensing in the shoulders he's supporting something dense it's pie it is a pie damn that was impressive hey Bo guess you CAU the timos limos per Jake is Jake back oh we did scolan Hitchcock signed confession you called us useless you called us incompetent you call the zeros in the sack never happened well someone said it to me last night oh must have been my wife how did you solve the case we listen to those voicemails again and notice the sound of parrots in the background got a list of employees did door Duty asking neighbors if any of them kept pet birds we finally found one who did and guess what a landscaping in front of his building was covered with these same type of rock that was thrown through the window I can't believe it but you don't think it can break one watch arant I can't believe you solved the case well you're wrong on that too they're not going to kill you fast Scully they're going to make it real slow first they're going to scalp you and then they're going to rip your tongue out no that's my cupcake taster what are you doing lay off him never for my plan to work he's got to be basting and sweat Hitchcock you once told me you could roll that chair anywhere think you could take it up those stairs I once roll a chair home in a blizzard so yeah I can go upstairs so do [Music] it oh he's amazing he's like a big lazy Michelle Quan but how's he going to get up the stairs Jake he already did four coming in oh come on I was in the crime scene this guy comes up out of nowhere confesses well he says he's got to make things right so he helps me track down his accomplices that is so great man looks like everything's coming up Hitchcock okay fine but who do we know that could find us a random New York hot dog [Music] guy [Music] so you need a little help from the wiener Warriors well I hate that just tell us what you know please there's lose dogs he serves him up real Plum Big Mike's does two dogs per Bunch Hanks Franks great mustard selection pick's vegan I'd rather eat Charlie does an lente dog it's got a really nice Jew Johnny Arkansas serves a Little Rock style although he can serve it Razorback style okay enough enough we don't have time for this just tell us who has a card at 6th and 11th oh there no hot dog carts there what never no way not a chance zoning issue forget about about it Jake it's hunger Town Amy's not in the break room or the evidence room or the lady's bathroom you know what I'll check again I've never seen him walk with such purpose oh you guys building a nap Nest mind if we burrow no we're piecing together shredded documents to find Sheamus Murphy can I help I'm really good at jigsaw puzzles I do them all the time it's why my wrist muscles are so defined no offense Scully but you can't be good or bad at jigsaw puzzles it's just putting shapes together there's no strategy or reasoning or logic look I got half a page he is the one so you guys are going to tie up the only microwave for 20 minutes to make a frozen lasagna ballsy you ignorant loser first of all it's not just a frozen lasagna it's a mama Magle onus second of all it's going to take 21 1/2 minutes the box says 20 but we know better than the Box you see this microwave is a kitchen Pro Max bit of lightweight it's only 1.2 Kow fine for popcorn but we're talking about mama mcleon here allowed to get Mama hun she's a real siiz queen well that started out fun and here we are at our normal ending Place disgusting uh-oh guys we have a major problem here no garlic bread okay we need to stay calm let's think the garlic bread needs to go in the toaster oven with 8 minutes left on the lasagna maybe we could run down to the corner store and make it in time that just gives us 12 minutes to go to a place and come back M mag Leon we have to go now Hitchcock you have any surveillance equipment Rosa can borrow you mean my creep kit no problem got another one in the car see Amy that's what a real friend looks like Santiago Diaz I wanted to talk to you about our performance in yesterday's bomb diffusing course we know sir you won no the three of us all failed apparently our instructor felt we didn't take it seriously enough but Hitchcock and Skully passed what how did they diffuse bombs better than we did those were bombs unbelievable got it what time check 5 minutes 10 seconds it's over don't say that we'll never get the garlic bread toast in a time we can and we will we'll set the oven to 500 are you insane it'll burn we'll wrap it in foil the foil will stick to the cheese it's a risk will'll have to take Squad Bullpen now is everything okay sir no it is not I went to a meeting and when I returned my pie was gone which one of you took it calm down there's no need to point fingers at us it was clearly Hitchcock and Scully how dare you you have no proof there's crumbs all over your desks well these are p crumbs bread cookie pizza sandwich blint and one good oldfashioned potato chip no pie here I just humiliated you I was double- checking last month's surveillance photos and I noticed this Hawkins has two different phones her normal cell and then this one that only has one app on home screen SnapChat oh she's up to something Snapchat messages disappear you can send anything to anybody and after they see it it's like I never said it nobody ask Hitchcock why he knows that could we we put a mirroring app on her phone so we can watch everything she does well those work great but you have to physically have her phone to install it nobody asks Hitchcock why he knows that how are the chairs coming guys sh we're working this one's good okay so we'll go with that one no I said it was good I didn't say it was right wow taking this really seriously what the hell are you guys doing out here finally eating breakfast We snuck the microwave out here so that we could cook our burritos like real policemen now they have to use the toaster oven and enjoy your 16-minute cook times idiots guys this is amazing back off it's our microwave ours help my man's having a heart attack help Hitchcock now Scully grab his gun it's not sticking because I'm so juicy told you I knew what I was doing black Fred think quick no no ow that was a a gun man Hitchcock why do you have your shirt off can't spill food on your shirt if you're not wearing one what I saw what you did this morning when you deduced the contents of my bakery box impressive now I need to use your skills to find my pie it's about time you came to us here's what we need from you a list of the Pi's ingredients we're looking for anything that might Linger on someone's breath we need surveillance footage from the waterfarm the crumb consistency was dry whoever ate it is going to be thirsty now what kind of crimped Edge are we dealing with here you shaped or V I don't know well then get on the damned phone and find out all right pretty boy where is it where's what the secret bathroom secret what bathroom where okay Captain I'll be right there don't lie to us we've been watching you at 11:18 a.m. Rosa told you to follow her and you guys left together he returned at 11:31 smelling of lavender and you've been drinking chamomile tea all day long and having I haven't been to the men's room once since when are you two so into being good detectives since it came to secret bathrooms I tell us where it is have a nice weekend for ala yeah nothing special you know got a couple you missed scully's birthday was kind of a big one nobody showed at the party guys guys guys we missed gully's birthday and it was a big one I know I panicked and said I had to go to the vet because my puppy cat got sick I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills that's better than my excuse I said I had to go to my girl bot M Squad we missed scully's birthday and it was a big one I told them I was in Ecuador I think they bought it we got to make it up to him let's give him cash everyone put in $20 each uh yes I'll cover you hey Skully huh we're sorry that we missed your party oh don't worry about it you you all had stuff to do yes the capital of Ecuador is keto oh anyway happy birthday from all of us thanks guys you're you're the best I can't believe it the fake birthday work you're a genius we're both Geniuses thumb tack mug that was my thumb tack M so two keys huh that's a lot of snow Yeah if you can't handle it we're happy to find someone who can don't worry about me friend I can handle it Marissa baby go get our guest something to drink would you we don't want to drink what is this a social car it's not a tea party you look like 5-year-old girls tea Gentlemen please have some patience toys pure res a Catholic school girl did you bring the cash oh we brought something much better than cash what's that our guns NY PD you're under [Music] arrest boss man's gone where'd he go [Music] thank you kindly little [Music] lady gioc Costa you're under arrest you want that drink now Hitchcock Don't Mind If I Do Scully don't mind if I do okay we're making progress on your phone we went to the bar where it was taken wait why are you in handcuffs because I've been arrested what by who Hitchcock baby I busted his but for filing a false police report he broke his phone but insurance wouldn't reimburse him unless he reported it as stolen are you serious how the hell did you solve this Hitchcock good oldfashioned detective work yeah they have no idea they think the phone was actually stolen you're under arrest jerko don't even think about it we thought the bathroom was empty because we used the toilet with our feet up on the stall door explain any further and I will kneecap you both you can't boss me around I'm the greatest detective in the history of here Mr 99 out that's weird there's a smudge on this sign right over the H there's a smudge on this H too oh my God why would you touch a hospital thing and then put it in your mouth it's chocolate great instincts never doubt yourself something's going on with this Heist you tell us everything you know and we'll tell you everything we know I'd rather not jokes on you we don't know anything well good day then wait why you sweating I'm not sweating oh I've had enough heart attacks to know what sweating looks like n [Music] sweat well if I'm sweating as you CLA it's because I was watching an exciting video on the net really what it was a video of an American gymnast is leotard ripped exposing his butt it's highly erotic you're lying it just install blocker software thanks to muah uh yes but they didn't install it on my computer because I'm a captain you don't look hot and bothered at all of me show us theoda gentlemen I assure you there's nothing to see I got to say you got guys are good cops yeah no doy how do you think we got to be the oldest guys here by never being promoted and losing all your money to divorces and bad Investments anyway I'm sorry for calling you useless I'm going to make sure everyone knows you did good Bo please don't don't the last thing we need is to suddenly be on everyone's A-list the ones to watch The Golden Boys pair of red hot dicks no one calls detectives that anymore people call detectives that all that investigating was exhausting besides we did our share of that in the ' 70s and ' 80s now we like to do paperwork work in our comfy chairs if we're away from our desk for too long they'll update our computers and we'll lose mind sweeper so please don't tell anyone about the amazing work we did today I never said amazing kind of just did your jobs there you go no really I mean you also broke a window now you get it why is little one so mad he's going through something now stand up wet wipe your hands and put them behind your back so we can cuff you oh thank God I'm so tired of running it's only been an hour stop they didn't do anything wrong excuse me ma'am this is Police business I know I'm Donna the manager here but my real name is Marissa Costa I'm geoc Costa's wife and I'm the reason they're here you're the informant yeah I was Marissa's the only reason we got Costa but our captain screwed her over he wouldn't put her in witness protection so you did take the cash you just didn't keep it you gave it to her we'd come down here and check on her periodically we never spoke but if she put an extra Wing in our bucket it meant everything was okay wait so I was right Hitchcock and Skully are good people you bet your nips we are skid mark go go room 103 what are we going to do it's still frozen in the middle well then turn up the T it's already at 500 it's maxed out it's not the mother B okay Captain you're going to want to see this their desks were clean so we expanded the search radius take a look my pie and it wasn't even eaten just thrown away like Common Street trash makes me sick spend your life on the force and it never gets easier wow the chairs look amazing I can't believe you two aren't my biggest problem today we're not who is my Arch isn't she beautiful I got IE rolled too not about wait what the hell sorry I didn't want to run in that was the only way to stop the doors it wasn't and it didn't it worked we're here please don't go looking for that witness we're just trying to fix your screw up we didn't screw up the witness gave us his name but he asked us not to write it down because he's undocumented so he scared to show up to testify the courthouse because he didn't want to be detained by Ice damn it you know that keeps lots of immigrants from helping cops yeah we know that we're just surprised that you know that that's insulting I'm very concerned with immigration issues and I've dated my fair share of spicy no Scully said the nice thing you don't need to go past it Hitchcock Scully where's that piece of junk mail with the Rybeck address Scully surface this charge Rybeck letter one second 8221 Oakbridge Parkway copy that just follow my lead no we got you into this mess we'll get you out of follow our lead there are armed men out there we don't even have our bulletproof vests we can use the sauce that's insane it's not even solid the bullets will go right through it if you don't think the sauce is solid then you might want to talk to my rock hard arteries we're doing this and that's final Scully it's time to Sauce [Music] up are you guys okay that you get hit no it hit the tub but the bo didn't make it through the sauce it saved you you bet your nips it did skid mark all right food is ready decorations are set guest should start arriving any moment and the chairs are still Perfection she said they're Perfection of so proud of you buddy it was you you made this happen hit and I just uncovered something huge you solved a crime what that's insane no it's about our nap room guess how long Gina's been pumping for I the last hour now everyone knows Gina's using a Noella Harmony breast pump with two-phase expression technology for faster milk expression you shouldn't know so much about breast pumps Hitchcock well you should know more about what's going on in your Precinct given the noella's exceptional flow there's no way she needs to be pumping more than 20 minutes a su wow you didn't even say breast yeah because I'm not a child I need my afternoon nap okay what are you guys trying to say come with us where's Gina she just left the pump running and disappeared you got played so hard you [Music] w

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 1,528,098

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, brooklyn 99, b99, Stephanie Beatriz, Rosa Diaz, Jake Peralta, Andy Samberg, Detective Charles Boyle, Melissa Fumero, Detective Amy Santiago, Detective Jake Peralta, Terry Jeffords, Amy Santiago, Chelsea Peretti, Andre Braugher, Gina Linetti, Terry Crews, Joe Lo Truglio, brooklyn 99 i want it that way, brooklyn 99 bloopers, brooklyn 99 backstreet boys, brooklyn 99 funny moments, brooklyn 99 captain holt, brooklyn 99 cold open, brooklyn 99 full episode

Id: LVcHh53YQVo

Length: 16min 48sec (1008 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 01 2024