Best of Hitchcock and Scully | Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I never got into diets though I did take diet pills in the 70s I love these pills they give me so much energy and I can eat whatever I want Oh Bob Scully why are you always telling us about your disgusting body I don't see anything that's because it's all for it [Applause] how are you married try better we have no idea what this is I think it's a cookies no it's a pizza it's just a cookie pizza another case old no detectives we owe them dough what the hell are you guys doing out here finally eating breakfast we snuck the microwave out here so that we could cook our burritos like real policemen now they have to use the toaster oven enjoy your 16 minute cook times idiots guys this is amazing back off it's our microwave ours hey nobody wants your microwave can I just give my case to Hitchcock and Scully and they clearly have a ton of time on their hands Hitchcock hasn't even gotten out of his chair today PJ I can go anywhere in this thing but shouldn't so if we're gonna start a secret office on the roof we need equipment that means chairs desks printers pens but we got to sneak it out so we need a distraction okay here's what I'm thinking we give that dog a bunch of chocolates it dies well everyone's celebrating okay Amy's too close to this Rosa got any ideas you've got things Scully just set fire to the kitchen sink perfect let's use that Wow the chairs look amazing can't believe you two aren't my biggest problem today or not who is so guy got stabbed at third Union you know what that means I got third street bagels yeah it's so nice and surprising when somebody thinks of others Scully I was thinking W I was thinking about how stupid your face is that's it I'm licking all these bagels you get none who do you think yours if it's gonna stop me brother you don't know me at all mmm Oh what are we watching they've been fighting like little kids all morning and I can't get them to stop I've tried everything ordering them to stop well that's really all I tried but I'm disappear your opposite that shouldn't work guys why are you fighting your best friends every Sunday after church Scully and I have dinner together at wing [ __ ] we know you get ribs and White Russians and watch Undercover Boss last night Scully said he was sick so I went by myself guess who was there healthy as a clam mr. liar and his new tart Cyndi Schatz what happened to our bro code badge before heads John no sorry but it's five against two wait you assumed Hitchcock and I want to eat that Turkey yeah thank you thanks for taking us to lunch Jake of course get whatever you want oh man I already ate I guess I'll just have a cheeseburger deluxe a couple of license apply maybe an egg cream okay Anna waffle so look a big important drug case came across my desk and I need your help only problem is Sarge doesn't think you can handle it he's right no he's not look you're Hitchcock and Scully you guys are legends you single-handedly caught the Prospect Park flasher well he was being chased by other cops but he did slip on my spilled chili and who bumped into Scully causes his bill me damn right and who fell asleep under their desks and caught the janitor stealing evidence did and who sued the department and got triple-ply toilet paper in every precinct we did Terry thinks you guys are too old and too lazy to handle this but I know what you're really made of you're gonna take this case and prove him wrong yeah we're still gonna use that's right oh dear God sorry but late turns out the front door is a push not a pull you always get mad when I spent time with Cindy so I lied because I didn't want you to throw a fit you cook you're the Koch's snowflake known you are oh geez I have no idea what's going on you got stopped for being black kid woke Scully he's here okay he's here everybody be cool get you why do you got your shirt off can't spill food on your shirt or not wearing one what Scully [ __ ] she's gonna live forever how did you used to cure hangovers oh I didn't drink I was however spilling into cocaine for most of 1986 I gotta tell you the truth Hitchcock ad the truth you and me man we're gonna be co-captains but first I'm taking you to Japan I'm already packed I had three heart attacks that you're in declared bankruptcy Japan unmovable Bali Hey what Scully what's going on was it that date on the brush appropiate under arrest for possession of a controlled substance abused in his apartment and take-out nobody's talking about I swear I don't know how those pills got in my apartment wait Jake Scully tell them we're cops tell them new summon events new some limits you that means turnips I said we were terms I got it don't worry we are turnips nope that was English my first question is why are the two of you doing this self-evaluation together Scully doesn't handle pressure well not to brag but Scully and I have a combined total of 14 arrests would have been 20 but well I got 14 that's not enough arrest well no one asked you it's a self-evaluation AJC the place on the corner serving lemonade and he had to keep the jar it's pretty cool yes that's very cool Scully mm-hmm will you excuse me just one moment oh sure guys guys guys Scully has a mason jar full of lemonade you called us in here to tell us that no I called you in here to change your lives for you see a mere five minutes ago Hitchcock introduced me to his new goldfish who lives in Oh identical mason jar oh this isn't gonna end well there are two possible outcomes and we're gonna bet on which one happens first so will Hitchcock put fish food in Scully's lemonade or will Scully drink Hitchcock's goldfish now you would think that putting fish food into lemonade dr. strike is on fish what hey if you need more fax machines there's a ton of them in that storage room where I go to take a nap what why didn't you say something and once again its gawk and Scully save the day you didn't do anything it was all skully we're a package deal everyone knows that okay what's going on with those files oh we're not working on them we're on strike hunger strike you're eating potato chips chips don't count my doctor said they have Zero nutritional value we want meatball subs you had no right to take ours have a nice weekend Peralta yeah that's a special gotta come you missed Scully's birthday there's kind of a big one nobody showed at the party guys guys guys we missed Scully's birthday and it was a big one I know I panicked and said I had to go to the vet because my puppy cat got sick I said I had to take my mom to get birth control pills that's better than my excuse I said I had to go to our girls bat mitzvahs squad we missed Scully's birthday and it was up being one I told them I was in Ecuador I think they bought it we gotta make it up to him let's give him cash everyone put in $20 each ah yes I'll cover you it's going Oh we're sorry that we missed your party well I don't worry about it yeah all that stuff to do yes the capital of Ecuador is Quito Oh anyway happy birthday from all of us thank you you're the best I can't believe it the fake birthday work you're a genius we're both geniuses pumpjack about that was my thumbtack look Martin Scully how was your weekend looks fun Kelly and I hit the park went for a long walk fell asleep watching TV Wow sounds like a fun weekend with Kelly so Kelly is that Scully's wife or his dog wait no one knows Scully's wife's name I think Kelly's his dog went for a long walk that's what you do with a dog you can go on a long walk with a person at sunset talking about nothing and everything sounds awful hit the park that's a dog my wife takes the baby see the park all the time all right we're doing this let's play wife or dog Hey so Scully what do you do at the park with Kelly oh we just walk around she gets antsy if she doesn't get outside enough and then it's just yeah yeah yeah all day long hey what scared me to butter she'll eat it right out of the jar how old is Kelly again well she's getting up there but if she's free spry for her age especially considering she got hit by that car a year ago oh that's so awful was she chasing something into the street or yeah just getting me the newspaper all right this is useless Scully is Kelly your wife or your dog how can you ask me that I still don't know which it is could be either I could not tell you hey jakey yeah I'd love to chat but at Kent Hitchcock and I are eating cake for dinner and watching the movie asking me if she wants to come over hang it up so what'd I miss tell me all the jokes everything funny that happened Charles you really need to get back to this guy called himself Scully by accident I did but it brought me and Scully closer together drinks are on me hey where's Scully Oh No [Music]

Channel: Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Views: 4,678,602

Keywords: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Andy Samberg, Brooklyn 9 9, cops, sit-com, comedy, funny, Peralta, Santiago, Rosa, Terry Crews, Melissa Fumero, Chelsea Peretti, Stephanie Beatriz, Andre Braugher, Captain Holt, Detective, New Girl, brooklyn nine nine, joe lo truglio, Hitchcock, Scully, Hitchcock and Scully

Id: SQUNZTdwGoc

Length: 10min 1sec (601 seconds)

Published: Tue Nov 28 2017