The Best And Worst Disney Kingdoms To Live In - After Hours

and I wonder how that shaped my concept of success I mean as four year old Katie just disappointedly sulking in the back of my brain because I'm never gonna be a princess oh that's definitely true for me except for year-old Daniel and soaking it not being a charming yellow fish buddy you aspire to be flounder me too also with a four year old Daniel he was sulking cuz four-year-old Michael was hucking frogs at him haha are we talking about frogs you close we're talking about how Disney made adulthood seem like it was all about royalty and fancy parties but then when you actually oh that's exactly what your life is like isn't it did you marry a princess princess of my heart also Pulau it's this little island up oh my god I just realized that not every kid grows up like me most of them grow up like all of you even imagine yes no could you imagine being a person like you in a Disney movie okay just some ground rules before we get started first of all it has to be an actual Kingdom so 1920s New Orleans can't win by a country mile oh all those sitting Disney leaders obsessing over their heirs that is bush-league Kingdom a just ask Henry the Eighth am i right probably second of all you'd have to be you in that Kingdom or whatever version of you makes sense for that era and the environment so if you pick King Triton's Kingdom you would be the fish version of you you could be flounder it's sweet of you to say that is the dream but if I were actually an equivalent version of myself living in Little Mermaid universe I would be one of those lucky little Goblin grabbers from mercilessly last thing I always wondered about Triton's Kingdom I mean Ursula's lair is packed why are there so many people visiting an underwater crack den the existence of that lair proves that there is a huge market of more people who hate their lives and will make a deal with the devil to change it I think they're all just hideous if you really want a better year lot in life just let Prince Eric scoop you out of the sea and serve you on a platter to his buddies hey I thought I was disagreeing but I was agreeing maybe this rash of magical contracts is linked to how Triton treats the working class they literally serve aerial subjects to her after wedding how can there not be political consequences for that yeah total gap is Little Mermaid - about the ensuing rebellions not actually the sequel is a little mermaid three rise of the murph Oh No but actually you'd really find this interesting how about Agrabah the weather's always nice plus they have a market that's fully stocked at all times including with fresh fish summer yeah but the shop keeps are empowered to cut off your hands if they catch you steal oh that's just for stealing apples the sentence for stealing bread is public execution true story complaints made Disney chains lyrics to the original opening theme song even though it was actually more accurate Cocteau they don't like you thanks for the movie I know that's not how things actually are in the Middle East it's not just a lie either it's the whole community remember when that Prince kicks those starving homeless kids down to the mud and everyone just laughs yeah I grew up on Ian's are really down on orphans if they're not or fans of orphan mhmmm know that joke doesn't work when you say that aloud written though it works phonetically it goes into sort of this it's pretty checked out I mean he gets literally distracted anytime anything wanders into his field of view once he leaves the throne to a commoner that's actually a good point I mean the only qualified leader in Agrabah gets hurled into space their biggest problems poverty yet Queen Jasmine doesn't even understand how money works so Agra busts out obviously who even suggested Agrabah how about Agrabah so how about Cinderella as long as you don't have an evil stepmom things are fine you only really see what it's like for how the upper crust lives I mean from a commoners perspective you're just hanging out living your normal life until one day the king is like hey every single woman in the country come over here and put on this shoe for my son and you have to do it because anyone who gives him news he doesn't like gets attacked by a Celeste they're pretty lacs with their palace guards every single one of them stops to check out Cinderella's ass when she walks by if the Royal Guard is doing that that is definitely symptomatic of some institutionalized misogyny I mean it's royalty 101 folks lead by example that's the only woman here I just got to say it wouldn't be great to live in a place where every once in a while the prince says hey put your foot in the shoe and if it fits we're married no questions asked but God forbid you have the same size foot as Cinderella and he just gets to you first he's got no information no added criteria just if your foot fits in this shoe you're mine it's gross but out for Beauty and the Beast seems nice maybe a little provincial for Belle's tastes but I'm not Belle you're Cosworth so I could like a provincial life I mean that just means baking right I get to be a baker no stressful part of your day would be when the kooky inventor accidentally blow something up there somehow forgetting the horrifying beast that is both in the title of the movie the ruler of the village he goes back to being a guy at the end it's fine quit judging him by his looks yeah I'll judge him by his multiple murders his furniture used to be humans remember assuming that he would be a good prince just because he's not furry anymore it's like assuming that Martin shkreli would be a good president if we shaved him Oh gross even his eyebrows gross Katie look at how whimsical that town is they start with a song every day there are sheep around kids jumping rope it is delightful lightful Katie delightful delightful ish that's probably because without their monarchs they created some sort of representational government now that the ruling class is back do you really think that they're gonna peacefully concede their power that's the best-case scenario more likely some other ruler came in and even though he did a pretty good job there's still gonna be a violent exchange of power can any of you guys name any time that the French have had a regime change that didn't involve beheading though the third died in a crusade but your point is taken yeah that's the one I was gonna say too we should both get credit for that now to mention the most popular guy in the village is a misogynist creep who a can't read and B uses a loaded gun to point out your sexy ass to all of his buddies all right fine I won't be a baker Katie you win again Katie on the other hand though the powtoon village from Pocahontas would be pretty sweet I mean the royalty hangs out with the commoners everybody's in harmony with the animals and there's a tree that listens to you when you talk about your dreams let you all up so you would choose to live in a Native American community in the 16th century very big historical oversight you're making right so why don't we take a cue from the movie and end our discussion on Pocahontas before the white settlers come back to commit Jen knows someone interrupts me before I like lion can't you be I'd be an animal remember I'd be a majestic bear there are no bears in the savanna with a magic sword and you'd still be eaten remember that the ruling class are just a bunch of predators who literally eat their subjects for sustenance Mufasa circle of light is basically a mosque proposal as policy they eat their poor yeah well I'd like to see him catch me on my rocket skates I don't think Michael thought I had enough Oh on the contrary Katie I thought plenty ahead uck I've always been to rocket steps ahead of you from the very beginning anyway what about Emperor's New Groove do you have a point you want to make about it no I haven't seen it I mean like what what about it is it good okay he executes people for throwing off his groove you threw off my groove stop making suggestions least we can all agree that it would suck to live in the kingdom from frozen any time your teenage princess can't control her emotions everyone who's outside of the castle freezes to death women can't control their emotions - Dan O'Brien only teenage girls - Daniel O'Brien wait nope no oh no so is that where we ended up all kingdoms and queendom suck no there's still one totally awesome one and it's the first one I mentioned Prince Eric his kingdom would be hella rad when he gets married he throws a sick party on a boat and everyone's invited it wasn't too into that gaudy statue they made in his likeness but he also wasn't a dick about it he cares about feelings and he drove a boat into that sea which and you know he could beat the fish we've got technological superiority also the town we know the absolute least about yeah that's not by coincidence we know anything more about it we just ruin it that's it's kind of our thing well bye hey nerd Lieven touched your food yeah my family a potato I've got the banquet with the king of greed king halt in the middle of my sentence thinking of something else to say my internal monologue is happening out loud do you forget to invite us to another royal ball your invitations are in the mail what do you mean the mail you send all your invitations by Bluebird your invitations I mean there's no way he can know exactly what kind of Falcons ate them Kenny mine actually did come but thanks to my training I shot it with a BB gun never RSVP'd does the bird have to be alive for me to go like do I have to return the live bird I don't think you can know you can you ate the Falcon that ate your bird hey you like stand-up come see the cracked stand-up show it's happening January 26th at meltdown comics in Los Angeles if you want to see amazing comedians including our own Teresa Lee go to nerd mal telecom slash tickets and if you want to see this brick wall all by itself keep watching

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,684,176

Rating: 4.9033732 out of 5

Keywords: after hours, cracked, cracked.com, disney, disney kingdoms, the lion king, mufasa, Prince Eric, The Little Mermaid, Ariel, Belle, Beauty and the Beast, Gaston, Simba, Aladdin, Jasmine, elsa, frozen, funny, spoof, humor, satire, parody, infotainment, hilarious, entertainment, humorous

Id: R_lr8sQ0n7U

Length: 9min 4sec (544 seconds)

Published: Mon Jan 23 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/CashWho]

Also, this post is in no way meant as disrespect to /u/starlinex. She's awesome (duh)! But someone makes one of these posts after pretty much every After Hours episode so I thought I'd do it preemptively.

[u/ShackleShackleton]

Yay!