14 Super Powers That Every Movie Character Apparently Has - After Hours

and he says it's a pineapple get it pineapple what what a banter did I miss no matter nothing just allow the conversation to move forward and pick up context clues no no there was a punch line I heard it and if I don't get the set up my OCD is gonna get pent up in all Ann your eyes wasn't even a real half of a joke he was just talking about a simple plan Rhonda Paxton Thornton Ramey 98 snow plans simplicity yeah good well they tell that half of the joke like four times in that movie but never the other hand lassic movie movie it's a way to make your characters seem charming and funny without you actually having to write a joke oh but that's a real nice ski mask this one's eating my popcorn gorilla suit has to go purple Mayock pushing your story that's a great superpower I take it oh hey if you had to choose one hacky convention from TV or movies to be true in your life which would you choose and why you could pick one hacky convention from TV or movies to be true in your life which one would you choose and why I like in sitcoms how they come back from a commercial break or an intro sequence they repeat the scene they just did so you don't get confused I feel like I'd absorb a lot more of what life has to offer if I got refresher doesn't that imply you'd be jumping back in time could you alter it the second time around you know it's just like on TV what you did is locked in it's a rerun I think I'd like the opposite power in movies and TV people are always jumping forward to a new time or location but continuing the same conversation they were having I'd love if I could start telling a story at my house and then finish it at work and all the people who are at both places heard the full story huge timesaver sure if your primary goal is to minimize the amount of human interaction you have in a day that's exactly right I like the efficiency angle so much of what people say is just filler it'd be really nice if all of you only said things that advance the plot of my life or came into play later in some way no pointless awkward interactions you never miss here's someone or stumble over your words but if you do you can be pretty certain they're gonna fall in love with that person I was gonna say I was gonna say I work here but it seems like you in fact you're working so you know that I don't in fact well you're fine then are you [ __ ] do you want me to be in [ __ ] I'm diagnosed there I would okay you know that no I was wondering I don't I don't know does it go uh position with Carl yeah I just want to say that I don't follow you know I mean I'm romantic French students I know thank you thank you thank you smooth how great would it be to end any phone call the second you get all the information you need just hang up without another word do that to me all the time right but I mean without it being considered rude oh no okay Oh booze I'm gonna phone boys okay for six weeks yeah I'll be at practice I guess I saw I can put a couple of stiffs on the hood I understand I'll give her the message right good if we're talking about efficient ways to deploy life-story we got to go with the power to turn on TV news at anytime secure in the knowledge they'll be reporting on something directly affecting just don't want to watch the news you know no one's making you watch it you don't have to I am sick of having to incite a riot to see myself on TV just once I want to randomly flip it on and they're talking about a contest the grand prize for which is cash in the exact amount that I was just telling my best friend I desperately need this month in order to avoid getting evicted those [ __ ] first national monument but no regard for anyone but yourself 35 year-old Sarah and Cottam religious groups are calling it Judgment Day and imagine the impact if that had come on right when we turned on the TV okay so what you're saying is that you Michael want the ability to live in a world where everything is dumber and information is spoon-fed to you yes for some reason I am confused like all the time you're not a screen everything is just a shade simpler doctors lawyers we're going to tinker with your ticker and you'll be violating attorney dumpster confidentiality like 20 too much air in a balloon you go to a bartender and just say hey give me a beer buddy two beers please you got it it's great you know everyone constantly reminding you of stuff you should already know and recapping your life for you maybe we should go over the plan again Charlie can you please remind everyone of the rules my uterus is an inhospitable environment I can't believe my sperm have low motility and Elizabeth on line three your ex-wife I know who it is as long as we're recapping things that we already know volcano erupts the planet dies rapper name place name Baxter East as West Loop Amy's life you know this only your father could take a part-time job at a small-town paper and wind up the target of international assassins why I barely have to pay attention at all tell me the whole thing again I wasn't listening right easy solutions for everyday life like how on TV I'd always have just a little bit of foundation and my hair kind of done even if I was just waking up or getting done bone whoo I'll shave blankets you know in in TV sex scenes a lot of times the women are under l-shaped blankets covering up the very boobs they were presumably just tossing about willy-nilly cousin really do that right I've never once had sex in my bed usually if we don't want you to see us naked then we don't get in the bed in the first place well the occasions on which I've been called upon to make love for a woman would have been much nicer if we didn't have to look at each other afterwards all ruddy and squishy and sinned up I just like TV sex better it's like a witty post-sex conversation yeah but that begs the question do you even get to have sex I mean or do you just go to the bar and then black out and when you come to you're just with a woman in bed naked from the waist up bantering that sex to you I haven't been like that since grade school and I got here from you oh my god I'm very attracted to girl my career's slowed down a little later Oh what about you can say anything in that tone of voice it's like no I would never do that oh no no no no no there is no way I'm go I'm not watching the notebook again there's no way they're gonna kill the mother of a six-month-old baby black out you wake up and it's happening nope can somebody help me find the notebook endless application what about never having to go to the bathroom again that'd be nice you'd still have to go occasionally you just know something was gonna happen while you're in there no pointless trips to the John in movies either gonna shoot hilariously guys gonna attack you you can overhear some key info every time you poop it's an event no I love my bathroom time it's one of the few peaceful hours of my day I don't think I'd give that up hours you might want to look into that I read I reminisce I imagine what about flashbacks and fantasies kind of synonyms of what I just said not really sure what you added in movies and TV shows flashbacks and fantasies are all shot on sets with actors this implies that everyone has objectively factual memories and photorealistic imaginations witnesses to a crime would have perfect recall if you want to imagine yourself on a tropical island you could do that and then literally watch a little movie of you doing that thing you're imagining I was already gone Lee inferiority complex Batman I wonder what life would have been like back then back then I was in the Air Force Saturday was actually a crazy night for me okay I remember this now I remember this right what are you doing I'm trying to have a bad bag and sometimes if you're on a really shitty show every when you're telling the story to will see the exact memory point-by-point so your TV power would be objective recall yeah or the no awkward moments thing oh I'm not sure I want to remember everything perfectly accurately some revisions are for the best like a decade from now I will remember this diner hazily is some sort of gym you three will have been my spotters never shut up yeah what about full bottom we haven't talked about that yet no we have it I certainly would remember that we had see in a movie or TV show one or all of the other characters in the scene would have never heard of that nonsense forcing you to explain it okay phlebotomy on the guffy the Vampire Slayer set is a substance artifact or object that when put in the story magically solves all the problems if you could just get your hands on that unobtainium also known as hand wavy 'm or simply deus ex monkey I want the power where all of life's challenges are for sure solvable and have objective goals and characters on TV always know exactly what they want to achieve we're in in real life yeah the battle is just trying to figure out what you want or what you want to do we're even mustering up the energy to care it would be great to know that my life would definitely improve if I would just have to go get a thing or learn a one-sentence lesson or better yet if the answer was inside of me all along oh like an alien all from the comfort of my unrealistic way affordable apartment of course you're kind of touching on the best part of TV and movies and the whole reason we watch them in the first place story structure every one of them assumes that life makes sense that there's a clear arc cause-and-effect everything efficiently moves toward a conclusion it's just as often an exciting murder as it is a happily ever after yeah I mean it's not always happy but at least it's cohesive in real life sometimes there aren't endings or foreshadowing turns out to be meaningless and there are just some questions that can't be answered the real power that I would want is the one that all sitcom families share and that's the ability every episode at the end for everything to just go back to normal for everyone to be safe and happy and for you to quietly be reminded of your place in the cosmic order I suggest we treat our relationship as if it were a crashed computer and restore it to the last point we both agree at work I'm glad today is behind us I'm certainly glad we got that all straightened out I am glad that's over not only got my job back but mr. Angelino gave me a raise as well everything worked out nicely I'm glad everything worked out all right no one will ever mention it again under penalty of I was gonna say hey how about in restaurant scenes when the meals come and the actors don't eat they just keep talking and let the food congeal what about it nothing art is a mirror unto life is all you can drink that beer holy [ __ ] where did this come from hey YouTube thanks for watching our I don't know what TV thing on TV superpower would you want is a superpower episode if you can think of other great ways that TV constantly screws up that you could use as a loophole superpower go ahead and close your suggestion in the comments below and make sure to subscribe to cracks a channel on the youtubes and also if you have any ideas for an After Hours or that you were just dying to see write them in the comments and then we're gonna take your ideas yeah like if you want like a Pixar episode or a Batman episode catch the up on the series we did those like two seasons ago yeah

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,970,004

Rating: 4.9389105 out of 5

Keywords: The Lego movie, After Hours, Cracked, Cracked.com, TV Tropes (Website), tv powers, South Park, The Big Lebowski (Film), The 40-Year-Old Virgin (Film), hackey convention, Television (Invention), television convention, sex, movie sex, The Simpsons, The Guardians of the Galaxy, Lionel Hutz, The Goofy movie, Awkward guy, transformers, Friends, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, parody, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia (TV Program), Satire (TV Genre), south park

Id: 1pMvzYZx2h0

Length: 11min 0sec (660 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 09 2015