Why The Jedi Are The Galaxy's Biggest Idiots - After Hours

I don't see where I went wrong it's one letter away from Jedi judo is not one letter away from Jedi I'd argue with you but that guy kicks my brain now it's resting hey that guy was 13 and how many of those classes did you sign up sign up it showed up in my Jedi cos it's not a costume it's Aggie then why were they all dressed like obi-wan - the cape which was brown awful color pass the peas right there anyway didn't do it for exercise I did it because you know I'm thinking make a pretty good shed I probably the concussion talking but at least you're aiming high Jedi are the best heroes no Jedi are idiots I am aiming correctly for my station in life I know yet I saw no no no no no no we are not doing this yeah yeah and if those guts is can learn force powers I'm probably like three pajama fights away from being a Jedi who are no hey the Star Wars movies are racist there are sexist they are robot slavery us but I have got to keep liking Princess Leia and you know the guy Jedi's I gather notice how the Jedi can't seem to stick to one job Eastern he's more machine than Dan now same thing they're spread super thin they're Knights they're monks their diplomats their teachers their detectives their secret agent habré's betters fish monster Wranglers whatever the hell Ben ended up being for all those years after the prequels coot codger Jedi did pick a job it's saving the galaxy with which skillset Obi and Kwai are Jack's of all trades but Jedi Masters of none I mean look at the way they do detective stuff their investigative strategy usually revolves around let's let's just try and get captured they don't know how to travel incognito or not blow their own cover and if they do manage to apprehend a suspect they disarm them literally well they probably don't learn all that cop stuff in Jedi school I mean they start training the Jedi when their baby age ideally I mean that's a lot of stuff for a magic baby to take in why are we even training them as toddlers it clearly doesn't work Anakin and Luke are objectively the two most powerful Jedi of all time and they both started when they were technically too old to Train Luke hell he was a teenager when he started but after a few Yoda meals and x-wing deadlifts he was able to take on two Sith Lords himself and Anakin killed a lota more trained Jenna come on the prick will Jedi just got sucker-punched by a phantom inviting hidden evil that doesn't mean that the Jedi aren't here Oh genius is doing everything that they can they're doing every random thing they can think about qui-gon jinn yeah I try but I only ever see Bryan Mills in episode one qui-gon was sent to settle a trade dispute that was his mission but instead he ends up sneaking a fish monster into a palace cheating on some podraces stealing a kid because he's got high Phaeton levels and then leaving that kid's mom to die a slave the Jedi councils like hey would you go check on this a trade negotiation make sure everything's going smoothly and it comes back like surprise I brought a kid you all hate he's mine now I'm gonna keep him also as far as that trade stuff goes because bad movies have done stuff in them hence bad movies but in the good Star Wars oh you're in a new hope obi-wan leads Luke straight into a trash compactor after years of not teaching the kid anything and Luke spends most of his time getting swallowed by random monsters and in the prequels and pre sequels Jedi constantly let their enemies escape from and sometimes even win fights because they don't only use guns because they became Jedi to play with swords well they found a new rhythm I'll tell you what yeah my lightsaber hilt would have one of those wrist things on it you know so it wouldn't fall off from your wrist like what some GoPros at exactly that way I wouldn't you know even if it I would be like no I sit right here lanyard lanyard lightsaber does not make it the man it is the sensitivity to the force I mean the force makes the Jedi telekinetic mind reader's and really friendly go friendly lazy ghosts the force ghosts show up like twice a movie and they're clearly not interested in being helpful so what I told you is true from certain point of view assert we went of you in galaxies on the line Riddler and four skills are clearly up to dick all otherwise why would three of them RSVP yes to Ewok party well it's a ghost job there probably are enough Jedi for attorney chefs but there would be if the Jedi would just nut up and do nut stuff it's a family movie the sex happens off screen and on the inner no it doesn't not for Jedi why what happened the internet one step back for Sauron the Jedi Code proper says Jedi aren't allowed to have sex but the Jedi are powerful now I refuse to live in a world where powerful people are discouraged from having sex with each other well good thing we don't live in that world then in this case and only this case cuz there's some vague rules the Jedi are all busy putting training into each other when they should be putting a Padawans into each other midi-chlorians oh don't have to actually matter because in the original trilogy already showed that force powers are congenital there's a whole galaxy of beings out there yeah so why aren't there like a ton of Jedi and how come every alien race can only produce like one master top action-figures special edition no Quarian can hold the candle to yeah has to mean that the actual odds of producing a Jedi baby are very tiny yet the one time a Jedi does get down and dirty and rough is sand he goofs out a kid who's a Jedi like my father before me and his twin sister the four seus goal in the Star Wars universe my sister asked Anakin's balls go two for two so just imagine how many younglings the council for spawning could pump out if they would just take one for the galaxy and take one okay if the gen I really suck how about we imagine what it would be like Devin huh imagine a Lucas universe where they had to build an entire society without using force powers and I think thank you we don't even have to imagine it okay but like you maybe just like try cuz like imagination is fun the Empire is a society with no Jedi backbone except for two busted up old sit and it works don't try to frighten us with your sorcerers ways lord Vader that's why the British Nazis think the Jedi are a joke and you know they make a good point Darth Vader's ancient religion doesn't help them find the Death Star plans or the rebels even though he's got ample tera time with Princess Leia whom he never realizes has forced powers or is his only daughter I mean what other secrets were in her brain to learn average stormtrooper hikes too short for stormtrooper huh plus the Sith let both Death Star's blow up the first time because Vader fails to shoot people from behind and a second time when their shields are down and they're losing the star war but those nerf errs nerf herders strophe dinner first trophy nerf hers are off mind gaming Luke and wasting time what's in the prequels their slavery on Tatooine with Anakin and his mother at least and then some point between the end of the prequels and the start of the original Empire makes warp seems like the Empire's only real mandates are no slavery and no more Jedi because they can't not get wreathing up and look how many jobs were created under the Empire's reign and let's not forget that the Empire is so great and functional that Luke initially wants to work for them I want to transmit my applications that you can this year the only downfall of the entire empire is the hubris of the to sift that worked for it and SIF are basically just rebellious Jedi Sith and the Jedi are idiots they're just two sides of the same force balancing dumbass coin well it does fulfill the prophecy the most technical riddles are garbage way possible stories are the riddles that bring us together well I'm gonna miss wheet and poetic riddles they lead to thought puzzles I mean Jim maybe and thought puzzles lead to math and math to the dark side Leeds Hospital hospital hospital beetlejuice oh nevermind yeah that's new tops-10 wanting it huh Candyman hmm the bees Shazam let's slow down clearly my board you take your ass let's go hey we're Dan and Sauron from crack thanks for watching after-hours yeah I hope you enjoy this episode about Star Trek it's one of my favorite shows if you've got more information about Star Trek that you want to share with us go ahead and put in the comments but make sure that you make it about Star Trek how's that chili really bad

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,264,475

Rating: 4.8596783 out of 5

Keywords: After Hours, Star Wars (Film Series), Jedi, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Film Character), Luke Skywalker (Film Character), Darth Vader (Film Character), Star Wars Episode VI: Return Of The Jedi (Film), Cracked, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, parody, Empire Strikes Back, Yoda, The Emperor, The Prequels, Qui-Gon Jinn (Film Character), The Phantom Menace

Id: wbtcM6g9OL8

Length: 8min 45sec (525 seconds)

Published: Mon Dec 14 2015

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[u/Wizc0]

After Hours is the only Cracked content I consistently like.