Why Captain America Is The Worst Avenger - After Hours

if you are a god who goes on God adventures with your God friends then why are you hanging out with humans puny mortal humans still talking about Thor right the word is learning about human stuff Thor has a girlfriend who is a human and he has a hard time hanging on to her because he doesn't know enough about humans I was right here where you left me I'm not even sure what country Jane's in but Thor joins the Avengers to stop Loki another God and to clean up his own mess yeah and then he sticks with the Avengers after that obviously because he's studying people he used to know enough about humans that he can keep his romantic relationship with course yes let me do it I mean come on cap is an idiot what could you why would you you love Batman love is a strong word and strong is the very best thing I think can be Captain America is marvel Batman his only powers our brains melee combat impossible healing and kind of dumb throwing weapons and USA you American pride he's not Marvel's Batman Batman knows how to use gadgets and technology and information after 1945 look if you're gonna be mr. smarty no powers you don't just take the first desk the CIA hands to you you build a lair an utility built in a tank and a super lair maybe he doesn't know how to do that huh any only Batman knows how to do right because Batman spends all that time alone which basically like a cool superpower itself hmm we agree on Captain America isn't dumb because he isn't a gadget guy it's because he wastes the gadget guys around him Tony Stark who is the real Batman of Marvel Comics could make him anything he wants he does the first girlfriend does it for his best friend who doesn't even for spider-man and it's just because he's got the hots for him may I mean he is iron hard but you know what this isn't my job Michael Michael even the other Captain America's are smart enough to get good tech help you guys ever read the all-new Captain America comics then you know comics writers changed cap to Sam Wilson because Sam's willing to use technology from after medieval times combat drones robotics recorded music Steve Rogers is only still cap in the movies because Chris Evans looks world by cept kerlun a Huey he's using proper form where is his spotter by the way Ultron was right about ok one thing a few things actually you know it's not important cap is wasting vibranium the most versatile substance on the planet and they used it to make a frisbee he could just melt that down into a bodysuit like black panther who by the way is another tech-savvy youth who could look at boy yeah we get it he's not a tech person but he's a leader right lots of good leaders don't understand advanced technology yeah like George Washington or Steve Jobs or Captain America who blew up New York City aliens can land anywhere but instead alluring tone Loki out to an empty field they multi 9/11 New York City oh yeah and then that body count made Tony create that global AI to stop it from happening again and then the ultra soros blows of Expedia it's Ultron in segovia and that traumatized helmet Zemo also caused 117 countries to sign the sokovia accords and those two things combined to cause civil war which killed a lot of people and continues to kill people to this day William Hurt was right the Avengers are bad they're tactically incompetent they're accidental supervillains and tactics that's Captain America's whole thing and he's bad at it he's bad at his whole thing why do I kill my heroes he's also bad at basic tactics too by the way the beating Civil War they're doing that stakeout and it's basically a bunch of superheroes all over doing one job and then they came to stop a couple of burglars driving out a big truck I'm even a SWAT team could do that why can't cap Team six yeah and why is Captain America abandoning his missions to save his brainwash best friend you know what he's that boy crazy why is it that Bucky is the only friend the cap can keep track of tell me captain do you know where a Thor and banner are right now seems Brooklyn pal is an Earth's exploded sky no not explode iasts sokovia Captain America is the least organized leader of all time every world government agrees the sokovia Court and that's without cap noticing or stopping it that would have been in the newspaper that's the media of your time Steve what's going on it's because he's a political that makes him an even greater hero he's like George Washington Captain America makes the American spirit stronger his tactical errors aren't as important as how he inspires his fellow citizen yeah well his fellow citizens screw him over I mean he spends most of his time coaching Scarlet Witch and now working with a man when he should be watching his six I mean the feds are after him why not show people America's greatness by working for a government that he bothers to question nobody did question it though at least in the old comics fake Watergate happened and he dumped the government and became no man thank you although all nomads really did was dress in all black and fail to change the system sit thank you so I guess caps greatest act of rebellion is being a hot topic shopper huh don't you have chanting to do I think I kind of blew my wad no Daniel hey chants chant againt feel like when you represent the mayor can't you really got to be at 100% I mean when you embody America as I do you really gotta nail it you know cuz then everything you do is America so if you screw up it's bad it is bad it's so bad it reminds me did I ever tell you guys about my semester abroad in Toronto call yourself Captain America dressed like an American flag and with ties to the American military that you are America and caps list of stuff he's learning world politics are not on there even though every other country would see his mistakes as an act of war a war caused by American aggression yeah American aggression alone like a night in jail tops at least that was my experience in Canada Captain America thinks he has the privilege to go around the world not knowing anything he almost starts World War 3 every time he suits up he's like an ass-kicking globe-trotting Donald Trump oh well just got political why why is that political I mean I know you don't follow politics Donald I mean I know who Donald Trump is Simpsons season 11 episode 17 parts of the future written by Dan Green he directed the election oh the election that's right vote kodos hey everyone thanks for watching another great I don't know why I'm doing that after hours episode if you didn't notice all of our outfits for Easter eggs I'm Black Widow we've got the Incredible Hulk and star she's RiRi as Iron Man iron she's Iron Man still which is pretty pretty kick-ass I think yeah thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,934,895

Rating: 4.5810804 out of 5

Keywords: Captain America, Captain America: civil War, Spider-man, Iron Man, Batman v Superman, Marvel, DC, Comics, comic book movies, tony stark, superman, batman, Winter Soldier, Black Panther, Black Widow, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, parody, Cracked.com, Cracked, underoos, After Hours

Id: 9YX2XCyVVkE

Length: 7min 22sec (442 seconds)

Published: Mon Sep 19 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/Sherlock_House]

She's in their last one too!

[u/SeanGone11]

https://www.reddit.com/r/SourceFed/comments/4pe5z6/til_that_starline_also_works_for_cracked/d4khebi

[u/starlinex]

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