7 Movies That Don't Realize They're Horror Movies - After Hours

guys think Leatherface knows he's a bad guy or was cutting up hippie it's just like working for his dad's law firm for him like part of the family business really just happy to be putting food on the table see I always assume the monsters know that they're jerks I mean you can't put on a costume and go around terrorizing innocent people and still think you're the hero right Little Bo Joe's scored us all a stomach ache from some stupid kid who is fleeing me and Sauron okay rescinded madam black are they already the bad guys in their own narrative never wondered what it would be like to die in a plane crash not in the Will Smith movies those films show this shadow government organization as a group of fun-loving BFFs we were just trying to do what's best for society but really they are actively preventing first contact just so they can make a quick buck off of some velcro so pays for all this we hold the patents on a few gadgets that we confiscated from out-of-state visitors velcro microwave oven very blood-soaked racket gobbling up human progress and leaving behind a foggy trail of memory diarrhea oh so you just flashed that thing it erases our memory and you just make up a new one a standard-issue neuralyzer and that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with no I'd rather have just vague memories of my husband leaving me than one very vivid memory of him becoming an alien ski mask don't you think it's a little bit weird that Vincent d'Onofrio's wife's gonna get told by her neighbors and family about the one time she told the press that her husband's skin was stolen by aliens and she'll have no memory of doing it that is some varsity level Gaslight okay well if we're going to talk about lynching nightmares then I'm gonna talk about Pleasantville that the UH little more the wife from face off masturbates a tree on fire what no it's actually oh yeah you're right that totally did happen no it's also the one where teenagers get sucked into a wholesome 50s sitcom and completely upturn their society yeah it's supposed to be this subtle allegory for race relations and ends up being this painfully transparent allegory for race relations it's like once you become enlightened you stop being black and white excuse me what only by learning that these are real people with hopes and dreams do we have to accept that the original kids are teens replaced we're essentially just snuffed out of existence this means that the Enlightenment all started when two alien beings inhabited or snatched the bodies of two unsuspecting teenagers and then to everybody resisting it feels like an invasion wow that is a that is a dark interpretation of racial progress yeah but that's always the draw of POD people right progress and uniformity at the cost of identity hold up I'm losing track of who's an actual racist well getting off-topic it's one thing to accidentally participate in some horrific universe but I want to talk about straight-up monsters characters that we perceive as heroes who actually prey on the fears of others Beauty and the Beast yep we said we were gonna do monsters with a heart of gold also uh I'm not mad but Disney is sort of my jam but the beast the house imagine that you're one of the villagers that Gaston recruited to go monster hunting you're traipsing through the forest for a couple of hours expecting to see like I don't know wild bear or an uppity capybara that already dragged a family off into the forest and then you see a spooky castle and damn brutally murdered by a buncha fancy furniture curb stomped by decor the surviving villagers never even see the Beast I mean they go back to their provincial lifes rambling on and on about this demon house to try to eat them like Hungry Hungry Hippos that is literally the plot to a Japanese horror film called House Hogwarts Hogwarts has everything Beauty and the Beast has but better possessed objects moving paintings monsters literal ghosts I mean your average non-magical person stumbles upon Hogwarts you're gonna be making chocolate frogs in there whatever British people wearing pants breeches but who's gonna stumble upon a secluded Wizarding school I mean the whole success of the Harry Potter franchise counts on the fact that muggles are oblivious to magic okay well first of all they prefer to be called nomads now it's Katie Katie's the racist you don't feel my blood and even though non magicians are often very oblivious there are countless instances where we see that's not the case like when I you know little witch boy first starts growing his sorcerer glands thanks anytime much like HP my adolescence was a series of conspicuous animal mishaps you want explosions but any outside observer that charming rite of passage looks like the fumbling first steps of the Antichrist talks to animals can make stuff happen with his mind gnarly forehead scar Wow that is literally Damian from the omen and that's the non effed up wizard I mean imagine what all the people at the orphanage thought of mini Voldemort I could make bad things happen to pay glue mean to me Harry Potter isn't even the only supernatural coming-of-age story that mirrors the works of the devil Jean Grey from the x-men she is the exact clone of the fire selling people exploding Carrie from the Stephen King book except with less naggy parents say no mama say it he was wait nothing these all feel too easy to me of course supernatural powers are gonna be confused with demonic attributes like accusing things that we don't understand of being witchcraft is the default setting of humanity so superheroes sci-fi and fantasy are off the table what's left magical romantic comedies is that a genre Groundhog Day Benjamin Button stranger than fiction Time Traveler's Wife Wings of Desire the lake house right of Frankenstein right a Chucky's bride of the monster bride of the gorilla dr. Jekyll and mr. bright eyes bright shiny stop in my brain can't not categorize these Majorana perfect origin story for an entirely new type of slasher film the supernatural stalker you ever see what women want a creepy womanizer is given gender specific mind-reading power is so powerful that he can communicate with dogs I need the boot no imagine if that power wasn't given to Mel Gibson but some lunatic was no respect for women or authority or an entire race of people you're right he is totally a psychic beast master in that movie and instead of becoming dr. Dolittle or catching lady criminals he just uses his powers to have sex real good Nick Marshall is a sex guy and permanently messes up Marissa Tomei I'm not nuts not undesirable not rejected by another guy or go back and re-watch love actually everybody in that movie acts like a wool wysz maniac there's an English waiter who goes to the middle of America just to try and find some stranger stuff there's a guy who videotapes his best friend's bride for his own collection and has never really spoken to her before Colin Firth flies to France to go find his housekeeper and propose to her after he saw her naked in a swamp don't forget Liam Neeson makes his ten-year-old son break through security at a jumpy post-911 Airport what's this have to do with horror everything everything that everybody does in that movie is terrifying crazy and irrational especially if you imagine it as a one-sided act imagine a guy comes to your house in the middle of the night with these hobo love cards I mean that's Cape Fear behavior 99% of the time and the most haunting part is that nobody seems creeped out by any of this it's like there's some sort of brain-eating virus that's sucking away at their danger sensors the love in love actually is actually a plague these aren't a bunch of different vignettes that we're watching this is a story about an outbreak moving from one person to another and fundamentally changing human behavior okay you know in the original script Rowan Atkinson was supposed to be like a angel just tugging at the heartstrings of all these people just just being on their free will for fun what keeps Hillary what the gives him the right so you see Love Actually like a bunch huh did it when it feels like nobody won I think Soren deserves some points for passion good costume too like the UH great attention to detail with the bloody nose huh ohh oh my god my nose is bleeding wait why didn't you tell me my nose is bleeding am i wearing a hospital gown my wearing a hospital's light at the hospital did I get hurt what is all this candy doing here why are none of you doing anything why are you all sitting there why won't you help me help me we will when we're done eating the candy yeah geez oh you're wrong down good yeah go to all the Rolo's already hi everybody thank you for watching that episode of after hours of course this one was sponsored by Werther's where there's the only candy you might find in the pockets of your dead relatives Werther's if your there were there were there's where there's a were there there's a where there their will will there Werther's we're Thursday's well there won't there that's good enough wasn't worth it you guys so worth it

Channel: Cracked

Views: 2,110,455

Rating: 4.8767238 out of 5

Keywords: men in black, love actually, what women want, will smith, mel gibson, liam neeson, x-men, jean grey, stranger things, eleven, pleasentville, Beauty and the beast, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, after hours, parody, funny, spoof, humor, satire, hilarious

Id: S3nSjF9W8I0

Length: 9min 14sec (554 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 17 2016