The Inevitable Future Of Each Superhero Universe - After Hours

like a million years in the future he's born I can't wash everyone that he loves die over and over and over again he knows what we're all about but he can't see the point I mean he's been in control of this planet he has protected it for so long but why for who don't you think he's going to start to wander in like what could this planet become what could this kingdom become Oh alien dictator then a group of plucky humans band together they rediscover the formula for Kryptonite they kick him off the planet and he's floating around space saying the King Lear's speech blah blah blah Superman's Meets The Godfather okay well I thought it was a pretty solid pitch you got a title for it Superman super Ollis whoo Superman is good Superman is good Superman is good okay choose Jesus also Superman is incorruptible good that's his whole main deal Superman your pitch for a movie is what if we corrupted him friends are betting on Superman again I understand completely thank you you're just jealous because you didn't think of it I'm just jealous that I can't live it possessing remarkable physical strength Superman fights a never-ending battle for truth and justice Superman ah cracy would be great a monarch who actually was all-powerful a dictator who actually had an extraterrestrial claim to the throne and who we could trust to rule us justly an authority figure that would never let us down sign me up submit to alien rule if the alien was all good and all-powerful and looked like Brandon Ralph humanity's destiny would be war fight and outside alien force don't you want to see what we can make of ourselves on our own no Lex I don't I want the most amount of good for the most amount of people and Superman gets me there like one of those people in the matrix that just wants to stay in the matrix humanity is affected by outside sources all the time gravity light the cosmic rays that make me want a dance dance day okay but none of those things are sentient I would rather turn the earth into a burning ball of garbage then give it over to some parental alien figure okay at least it would be our burned-out bowl of garbage what you're putting all of your survival eggs in one basket eventually someone's going to scrape together enough kryptonite and then you're going to be a leaderless planet who's lost a person who's protected you for the last thousand years to the point of atrophy that's true I'd probably be jumping off tall buildings just to meet dictator for life Superman you catch me and I feel I'm not really suicidal can you sign for my kids you guys have no faith in the system I'm telling you blind adherence to Authority is how you get ahead in life as the embodiment of that authority I just have to say that I couldn't agree more that's why I want to live under the x-men government you mean sentinels registry yeah you want to live in the midst of a brewing race war because I got good news for it no we're talking about the forms of government that would result in the end okay and Superman's present he is a really good helper monkey but his future may well be king of Earth not so in the x-men universe where the powers are evenly distributed among a wide diverse group of people human people ah here comes magneto was right magneto is right first magneto is right because he kills Nazis with Flying Daggers second magneto is right because he says that the world belongs to the finish I can pass that along I'll have you in Chains with a number burned into your pores just asking me intervals oh no wait you can't because we use our superior upright gate and tool use to starve them off the face of the earth which is good because good smell bad it just is whether you think it's cruel or fitting Dominus will always flow to those best suited to fit the needs of their age in this case people with mutant ability so you actually want to live after the inevitable race war when the side with literal magic powers obviously wins and the surviving humans are gathered together on a reservation at the x-mansion so the mutants don't feel so guilty about what they did and I'm a mutant that's important I have claws but like for claws no every hand has six claws and I have six hand what you're describing is a crater Agra sea ruled by the strongest it's what the Klingons do you basic Klingons are a proud spacefaring people I prefer oligarchy oh yeah yeah that's what it is because you're taking a crucial resource in this case super powers distributing it semi arbitrarily and then letting the segments of the population with the most resources control all the law yeah but unlike a normal oil gorky where the ruling class is just backed by money we're talking about a world where the head of state got there by being clairvoyant where the Department of Defense is run by a guy who can scream fireballs every mutant is their own president and everyone is a mutant it's like libertarianism or an aristocracy but everyone's an aristocrat every man a king up did you seriously just quote Huey Long in your bid to prove that mutants should enslave humanity I mean not enslave but replace yeah so your plan requires the wholesale slaughter of millions of people whose crime that they failed to develop super mutant abilities grunt pain I'm not even playing it flat on the human spine good god but I don't see how you don't end up destroying the world real fast I mean you're talking about not just nations having nukes now but any individual on earth developing nuclear level capabilities at puberty even if you think the world is a safer place if everyone's carrying around pumpkin shaped grenades which I do you're talking about assigning grenades of varying power at random even to the guy with the abusive parents who follows the ISIS Twitter feed that guy hits puberty and suddenly he can teleport no background check required yeah but he knows that everyone around him has powers of equal or greater severity it's a deterrent but you still have people with the same amount of differences of opinions as we have now today people would still be getting into the same fights over politics on Thanksgiving only this time uncle Jerry could mentally poison the stuffing and no one would know mutants Lee assured destruction crimes would be unsolvable no one jail could hold any group of people the world would just be a constant battle zone of lasers and tornadoes until everyone was dead meanwhile we're over here in the human Reservation having a kegger and it's going fine the US my Batman is the only real pick Gotham is not an ideal place to live by a longshot but at least they don't kid themselves about the world being a dark place there are a lot of evil people out there and we regular folks need the rich to step up and start beating them on our behalf how is that different from the Superman world you just put a less powerful more and mostly unstable guy in charge how about the fact that he's less powerful is actually a benefit one of Batman's defining features is that he knows that his rule will end these conversations used to end with an unusual request the Batman is an idea that Nightwing Robin and other Robin and dead Robin will eventually take over I mean you're not pledging your fealty to some like actual die or to an alien you simply respect the office of the Batman the Batman in this case we'd be separate billionaire is doling out justice on the mean city streets I would respect Warren Buffett a lot more if he stopped the occasional mass shooting so you'd have to be rich to be the Batman you didn't be rich to be President yeah but the Batman mythos consistently says that the only reason those villains that play Gotham exist is because he exists I don't want to kill you what would I do without you without Batman crime has no punch line they are his shadow why would you want a political system whose very existence generates enemies abroad you mean like all of them look I'm saying all I want is a symbolic position filled by a capable individual with lots of resources at their disposal if it does the people's will okay it's a democratic republic which is just like we have now except in my version the president dresses like a bat and throws smaller metal bat yeah it's so exclusive though why can't everyone have metal bats as well ah like in the x-men universe no I mean like in spider-man in spider-man the powers not distributed arbitrarily it's given to people who are willing to work hard and innovate creativity is highly rewarded and there's no barrier to entry Peter Parker doesn't have to be some billionaire to invent web-shooters he just waned them out in his apartment with whatever he had lying around same with most of Spidey's villain damn it I can't believe this isn't mine but he's right Doc Ock Mysterio the lizard goblin of both the green and ha variety all wrapped up around a theme that inventing gadgets of immense power is apparently very easy yeah I was just out as a warning so all of his villains are technology gone awry I mean even Peter himself radioactivity turn him into a Enid freak I mean the public don't respect him and he feels constantly out of place but I don't want to be spider-man I just want to live in the country that results from the rules of the universe which is a place where anyone can decide what superpower they want then go home and build it or expose themselves or radiation for a known superpower fiying effect no one group or ideology stays in power for too long because biased media like The Daily Bugle ensures the public hates the people saving them yet there's a constant new supply of people to save you because all you got to do is go home and staple two sheets of metal together and now you're electro it's a true meritocracy it's more like a technocracy but unlike mutant powers where there's no reasoning behind who develops what power in this system people rise and fall based on their willingness to work hard and innovate or be narrating HP near radiation which would also be cool you're taking the thing we fear most nuclear holocaust right and turning it into a positive because now gives you super power it'd just be chaos you're talking about a country filled with people who have devices that do god knows what and they'll hate each other because the media told them to and maybe a technocracy for a while but anarchy wouldn't be far behind Newark it was from Batman he wasn't inspired by such a shame well it's forget it forget everything see that's the problem with the x-men universe too so it would just devolve into chaos maybe you can't trust humans with superpowers and expect there to be a good outcome and you can't trust humans at all and expect a good outcome well I don't know if anyone actually won there as much as we accidentally revealed our deepest political beliefs about Captain America a society where everyone in America is unjustifiably patriotic and our only response is aggression we have that now thought I knew [Music] thank you for watching this episode of after hours feel free to subscribe to crack youtube channel and comment below feel encouraged to in fact and hey what you need superpower would you have if you could that has not been used before no 8 Clause 10 clause 12 Clause the sky's the limit so many cloth 13 Claus Santa Claus laser eyes that you caused [Laughter]

Channel: Cracked

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Keywords: Superhero Movie, Superhero movies, Superhero, After Hours, After, Hours, Cracked after hours, superhero movie trailer, superheroes, movie, Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, cracked, cracked.com, sketch, comedy, funny, spoof, humor, X-men, Magneto, Mutants, parody, satire, marvel, DC comics, funny video, katie willert, michael swaim, soren bowie, batman v superman, Gotham, dc, sketch comedy, Spider-Man: Homecoming, comics, comic, Live In A Superhero Movie, Superhero Universe, nevitable Future

Id: 5rMJHXtngrQ

Length: 11min 25sec (685 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 17 2017