r/Tinder | NEAR-DEATH MATCH

Clos the C and the L can be silent after a few drinks oh that's gonna one and welcome back to MK my name is Zack and today we're taking a look at our slash tinder my first ever tinder day pulled a set of D and D dice out of his pocket and said you know I keep that my freaking thing on me but Gloria you know I'm straight so it's spaghetti until it gets wet so will you go out with me I'm sorry but I'm sapiosexual sabia what what I'm only attracted to intelligent people that's okay I can understand we all crave for the things that we don't have top or bottom middle sometimes jungle never met anyone whose name rhymes with mine mine I eat this on the first date I usually just eat dinner you hear the one about the airplane no it'd probably go over your head I'm pretty smart try me dot dot dot I'm doing a tick-tock of pick-up lines from guys in each state so give me your best line roses are red I own just one cab you're a six out of ten but I'd still hit that if I send you feed pictures will you send me fifty pounds beef not really my thing do you know anyone who likes feet thought you girls loved feet is you're always demanding more than six of them want to hear a pick-up line yeah sure are you ahead because you are exactly what I'm looking for well I consider myself more an egg cuz I'm looking to get laid what oh come on be my boyfriend okay girls when they see my tinder profile the fastest lift in the West girls be like shoot your shot than be playing d1 defense hey cutie what's up not much just studying this dialect of Japanese called sug undies so sick may I ask why you're studying it so you can suck on these nuts how are you single years of practice we are in a time where people must stay at home where they are forced to write a crappy poem and while people are isolated in mini cities I'd still like to see your corne titties I love it hell that's the best thing I've heard in a while oh thank you but uh did did he get the titties though hey if you could describe your sex life by a song title what would it be beat it do you want a boyfriend not really perfect nice to meet you sent the letter e to this girl on ship by accident but may have come on too strong e a sports it's in the game I think I love you yeah that's a keeper it's me Mario when I was four my brother was half my age now I'm 22 how old is he now 11 let's have a hard one next time imagine being a dog does this trying to chill at a party and then some girl from a dating app who's fluent in sarcasm spends the entire night aggressively petting you finger guns sad finger guns we've got a next time champ what's up Olivia the stars why you seem to know a lot about space I wish lo let me see your anus I don't want my parents to know I'm gay do you want to go on a date wow this is wild there are those kind of parents out yeah both my dads are crazy you're freaking cute you talk to your mother with that mouth no but I'd kiss you with this mouth yeah we should Frick gang talk about life also are you really nine Sixers that's something else no I'm actually almost 10 feet tall it's pretty crazy holy crap that's like a giant I'm 5 3 so short compared to you yeah I'm literally like double your height how you dig it those not gonna lie I like tall guys mole high what do you do that's the big question isn't it what do we all do what's the meaning of life why are we here well now you can just say you're unemployed a movie and Corona does not affect objects thank God I'm a woman plus to be a dishwasher what's up cutie pie hold me like one of those bottles of wine by the neck how did the Japanese Hawaiians say hello Aroha come how many crappy openers do you get about your name way too many that's so sad Alexa played Esposito why is it always despacio nobody wants to hear any other song ever wow this is the first time I've got a super like cool you just got tender then or what nope I've had tinder for two years I have train facts I have a ding dong well I'm just here to give you train facts and I'm here to give you a ding dong it seems like we are at an impasse place two trains on a single track i sexually identify as michael jackson my preferred pronouns are he he'd spoken word theatre history foodist not funny didn't laugh yeah I'm DTF down to finally be in a relationship with someone that understands how many dogs I need around made all times that supports my dreams did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side of his body he's all right now my mama said that if he doesn't like fruit jokes to let that mango Turkish Turkish single-single Hotel oh man she better finished it right looks like I just turned to the right page oh you absolutely have although unfortunately I've heard that pun a million times there's no freaking way you just said that oh they did a millio what makes you want to create a fake account jerk move why do you think I'm not a real account you're pretty cute because I tried to freak this girl in real life and it didn't work hey hey let's Frick hey let's not after marriage Wow don't jump to conclusions ha ha ha that won it back how are you 9 9 what inches 5 away from going on vacation I'm so sorry he didn't seem to be the tinder type are you here because of quarantine why are you so judgmental I just asked I'm not judgmental as single thick and no bio incest bio is not needed for beautiful girl that is why you should have one hey I think you're cute as hell and I'm slowly collecting booty pics from every country during quarantine hey want to be my miss Brazil that's cute I accept your invitation nice let me eat you out I mean take you out autocorrect I'll come I mean come of course happy Sunday so what has made you smile this weekend besides magic with me I'd say mine is volunteering for the Tim Tebow prom for mental disabilities I am headed to Bloomington today and if my Hoosiers could win I'm sure that would complete my weekend very pretty girl by the way oh that's super cool but how's your arm what do you mean oh I thought you broke it patting yourself on the back hey can I possibly maybe borrow five dollars I'll pay you back where do you live moose horn oh oh job link you like Sydney's photo I've just removed all the sofas and chairs from my house why is that so you can sit on my face on my way dog emoji I like your dog Rover get back here right now I told you now to chase after snacks I'm sorry you can be a handful very disobedient I'm a terrible Asian I'm a good driver not a doctor or lawyer and the closest thing I got two A's in university was my bra size I want to be your best friend if it just got friend-zoned on tinder that's new I'm half thigh so if you send me a dingdong pic I might send you one back my ass got banned on tinder but you're sexy AF huh whoa why'd you get banned some girl had I need toilet paper in her bio and I said my mouth doubles as toilet paper she called me a disgusting Pig and reported me now I can do all the flirting I want with zero consequences what are you gonna do come over I believe that sex is opposite of laughs because laugh is ha ha ha well sex is hala mouth welcome to experience tornado [ __ ] P and me tornado blow job what the what is that face down ass up that's the way I get the skittled I rolled under my couch understandable if you're reading this you've been in a coma for almost 20 years now we're trying a new technique we don't know where this message will end up in your dream but we hope we're getting through low oh well so you want to hang out do it I don't know how much more clearer I can be no we're in the middle of a pandemic stay home WTF why are you on your bed there is no pandemic there's even a virus this poem to you Lily might seem rather silly for we are miles apart and that may break our heart however I feel kind of lucky as your cute is a ducky perhaps my mind you'll tease a bit of conversation please just freak me already are you really into BDSM uh-huh I meant like let's play some games like it suggests that movies or shows I am in speedy ascent though how did you know your bio and I'm down for that I'm also down to be tied up in your dungeon mole uh-huh what I don't mention medius I'm in my bio well Dungeon Master gave it away now at least so I thought now I realize that maybe a game reference that's the person who runs Dungeons & Dragons I'm pretty you're pretty let's go home and stare at each other you got one thing right ooh self burn those are rare Titanic Titanic Titan tick tock tick yes please that is not where I intended for this to go well I did but not that best damn man it must be pretty rewarding working in a dementia home that's an amazing thing to do I love my job very blessed the nicest residents yeah I bet how long have you been doing it three years damn it must be pretty rewarding working in a dementia home that's an amazing thing to do it is but it can be very exhausting to be honest it's worth it though come on damn girl you a Minecraft block cuz I dig you noise are you lava no why is he gonna make me lose all my stuff wow I want to play Minecraft together yes damn baby girl you cute as hell sorry that was douchey let me try again Wow milady you are the most wonderful lady I've ever seen okay those are the extremes I'm somewhere in between phlegm ow I'm drunk goodbye honestly might be some of my favorite messages I've received on this app question what weighs more a gallon of water or a gallon of poutine they weigh the same the gallon is a gallon as a gallon what you got next Danny Danny Danny the gallon of water weighs more butane is a lighter fluid I know what butane is low but a gallon is a gallon is it not hey there I was gonna make a pun about your name but I think your Deborah guy must do that well now they do they are not well seasoned when it comes to these pickup lines nine and ten real women would recommend days to a friend nice you said dog fix right that is so precious thank you to quote John wick I have served I will up service will be when I pricked up the effort was there that's what matters most usually girls don't tell me that after we slept together but then I still get ghosted that's so sad I'm sorry just kidding I don't have sex all right let's take roll here Jay Quellin is Jay Quellin here you mean Jacqueline I'm going to throw you out the [ __ ] window what would you do if we were together right now eat nugs obviously and then eat the fries it's a whole meal Quinn then what will you eat well it depends if I got the apples with my happy Gill apples oh come on got Instagram Quinn hi Jen I'm Ben hi Ben I'm Jen nice to meet you Jen do you want to be my friend I'd love to be your friend then you seem like a solid ten a match made in heaven I'm like a mosquito except they don't stop sucking when you slap me hold mine do you want to hear an absolutely terrible pick-up line absolutely did you hear they're remaking the movie Freddy got fingered rumor has it you and I are sorry I can't wait til production resumes what if the male lead it's a pretty one-sided story about girl and her fingers pick a topic I'll make a pickup line dragons sure I'll call you Nighthawk because you'll call me dragon anyway I mean come on I'll be the best thing you'll ever ride Lowell okay I see you your turn pick a topic mmm spider-man my spidey senses are the only thing take you in right now okay I am 100% down for an animal crossing date I'm still grinding dough so I suggest the first date to be on your island I'll bring some stuff over sounds like a plan what's your friend code nice I have to wake up pretty early tomorrow so I guess I'll be turning on two alarms tonight pimples zero blackheads zero chances of getting a matching them with tender making the passport feature free for all zero what's your current quarantine fantasy for two freaking ends when I laugh my boobs jiggle so if you're funny we both wins a smart girls guide to boys conversation starters I wish they teach us more about Vikings first it teaches more about Vikings what the frick beautiful amazing unique alluring brilliant passionate breathtaking but enough about you I eat well are you one of those people who believe the hype and are scared of the buyers slow yeah I have multiple nurse friends and I'm immune suppressed low no germs please LaMotta half germs damn Jill I'm chillin never mind I was gonna ask you to hang out but you're one of those weirdo types I'm not weird dude do you think the CDC is just wildin all the nurses and doctors that are struggling at work just to keep up or lying or is this going nowhere cuz you're a dump so you like books name one author Oh Frick there's King author you pull the sword out of a rock so did you set your location to Edinburgh er because I'm bored why Edinburgh you know so much about Scotland no you know what this is nope me carrying this conversation see this is the original material I've been looking for well played thank you thank you I bet you won't see the next one coming I probably won't but hit me with it one huh well I'm out what I know you would to see that one coming does your last name rhyme with fruit swirl no it does not that's weird cuz you look like a very cute girl they weren't lying when they said to devil is attractive sometimes she does get ready well she's still cute she said thank you ms she sighed well tell her if she doesn't want to be a devil anymore she could get some Jesus anytime that's the best pick-up line ever I would straight-up give you my virginity if yes for it which of the three options is more suited for you one I am a bot and I don't chat here often - I match with you by accident and I will never reply to your message three I will chat with you no matter what I would appreciate your soon as reply Gretta three please tick this box to prove you are not a robot have to be sure you know but did you really try to take the box with your finger maybe oh she's real tender should a day remind me later option for those profiles you can't decide how often does someone kick it off by saying you're their favorite season mmm I'd say it'd probably get a name pun 65% of the time are they all bad puns or will you say some are good nice hi there so you cute as hell I'm trying to get nudes from all 50 states during quarantine Lowell would you be my miss Washington l'm al sure Julia I was hit by a truck once Jesus terrible opener but wow I didn't see your arm until just now not to be weird that my sister has akin congenital limb deficiency to her right arm you single this you want to split a pair of gloves is there actually a rivalry between Kazakhstan and you speak Becky stun no it's not at all but have you inferior potassium then because extends low how do you know that little-known facts I watched a great documentary on the powerhouse of Central Asia that is Kazakhstan do you study something related to this no just really interested in potassium did you know that potassium is the second biggest industry in Kazakhstan after prostitution you're at the store shopping going about your business getting your favorite food you see me in the distance my arm filled with limes I walk past you and stumbles spilling all of my limes my face burns bright red as I scramble on the ground fumbling to pick up my limes but to little avail and continue dropping them you being the good soul you are bend down an assistant I nervous laugh and say sorry I'm bad at pickup limes marry me please this one time a Persian guy tried to fight me a Persian guy tried to fight you yeah you know what I did what I ran what do you mean blocker pros I am up with the showing my Netflix account can't I cherry stem in - not with my tongue is a model can eat 30 chicken nuggets in one sitting cons he's a sarcasm as a defense mechanism well most likely steal your sweatshirts nocturnal will eat 30 chicken nuggets in one sitting if you can't find a Waldo in ten minutes you have to give me head it's 40 yeah well they found a p.m. Netflix yep I need something new to watch I know some good horror movies if you're down for it yes please horror movies are my favorite kind of movie what do you recommend tomorrow after seven a year place and insidious lamal whoa hold up wait a minute I'm supposed to be isolated in quarantine we're supposed to be social distancing bro dang but I'll give you credit I like the bold approach huh I'm just letting you know a good place in time for you to watch it alone my dog has three legs and so do I if you can make a girl laugh and giggle you can make her cheeks clapping giggle find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account hey cutie hello I'm Joe I like stuff and do things read my bio pf cash up already read it and I do but I'm too fiscally responsible and not desperate enough to send a stranger money also oh hi there hey so 18:17 actually yeah that's gonna be a no for me dawg okay that's your decision I mean it's the federal government's decision to sow farts push the poof but if the poop isn't goofy enough they get out without the poop duh Frick you're wise what else are you good at baby making an animal crossing well you'd better be good I don't freak with hose and depth to Tom Nook frickin raccoon is a swindler so iron workers that like a welder yeah nice how do you enjoy that pen indeed sometimes it's really difficult to be honest at times so what do you like to do for fun work no hobbies shooting well I've always wanted to try that it's fun unlike this conversation must be minimum six feet sorry not height just distance for now that'ss in the first half not gonna live name a topic and I'll do a pickup lion watermelon if I was a watermelon would you spit or swallow my see you swallow in my kuchi so your name is a palindrome which leads me to the question do you like it better forwards or backwards personally I like it better forward because Hannah just looks wrong you got plans tonight I'm thinking we can get together split a bottle of slivovitz and make some mistakes I never make mistakes sorry you swiped right on me so you've made at least one nice if the script were flipped and I opened with nice tits quarter says I would be unmatched freak marry kill Alvin and the Chipmunks freak Theodore be thick marry Simon who's smart kill Alvin Alvin never impressed me you know how you can tell the sex of an ant how he placed them in water if it sinks it's a girl and but if it floats my roommate thought that was hilarious and I have a roommates number then what is the first thing you notice about someone usually fifth got any leftover spinach in their teeth what's your favorite thing about yourself how I don't have leftover spinach in my teeth very often do you eat a lot of spinach not really that's why I don't have leftover spinach about to get very off but in a relationship but looking to cheat as my boyfriend as Corona and isolation for two weeks Oh lost you today have you studied Kohl's law yet oh my god no I haven't explained you're in for a treat Kohl's law as a side dish consisting primarily of finely shredded raw cabbage with a salad dressing commonly either VIN I grate or mayonnaise unmatched then escalated quickly happy Easter exchange newts it's an Easter tradition don't you know it's what Jesus would have wanted I don't remember that being in the Bible you need to get a better Bible well Bible do you have Kama Sutra I only go for Psychopaths this might not work out oh sorry I'm more of a sociopath myself oh crap this could work sorry with my shower still craving attention Loki yeah you know social distancing is only six feet though right not eighty-five miles too bad we can't be zero feet apart or negative six inches apart I match with my ex's dad on a dating app and I can't tell you how bad I want to date him just so I can show up to a family event who's your mommy bill hey hi Wow first time having mid the initiator something special about me you're so cute I was just thinking the same about you I'm pretty you're pretty let's go home and stare at each other hit me with the joke it's a knock-knock joke but you have to start it knock knock who's there Oh Frick Frick ooh me we're a good match hey Cameron are you super bored like me are you working full-time I'm working okay well bye good luck you're not even cute dude you try to unmask you but it's too much effort you've got a weird standing in terms of what you put effort into one time in elementary school playing kickball the picture told everyone to move back and I still haven't received a better compliment I may not be the prettiest earth of funniness but I'll gag on your ding-dong with full intent of killing myself so what more do you want down for a mega cheesy pick-up line shoot oh my right butt furrow I have a good one now what's the difference between a wasp and a bee what a wasp is mean and aggressive whilst a bee is sweet cute oh my god okay that was a pretty good one though you liked Ally's photo listen if this doesn't work out my sister also thinks YouTube's condom commercials should just be a live feed of couples trying to enjoy a decent meal at a restaurant with their kids when you get a new mash notification which she immediately I mashed you alright then keep your secrets do you want to know my second favorite dinosaurs I'm assuming it's my first favorite dinosaur are you assuming it's a triceratops of course I am if you want to know what my favorite is then yes please it's actually in the same family as a Triceratops the smaller lesser-known triceratop 'less I'm a I'm a lover I'm Hulk Hogan hey there brother and well that brings us at the end of power slash tinder thank you all so much for watching if you enjoyed what you saw be sure thatthat subscribe button and the bells you you know to whatever get uploads and until the next one I'll see you around [Music]

Channel: EmKay

Views: 1,719,525

Rating: 4.9556808 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, subreddit, best of reddit, r/ top posts, top posts, top posts of all time, reddit top posts, 100% True stories, reddit true stories, top all time, reddit posts, r/tinder, r/tinder best posts, r/tinder top posts, tinder, reddit tinder, tinder reading, reddit tinder reading, tinder best posts, tinder top posts, r/tinder reading, r/tinder reactions, tinder reactions, r/tinder emkay, tinder emkay, reddit funny, emkay

Id: F_o5asqHsx4

Length: 17min 12sec (1032 seconds)

Published: Sun May 24 2020