r/Tifu By Accidentally Complimenting A Guy's 🍆

welcome to r slash today i f'd up where a racist karen calls the cops on op today i effed up by not noticing my student doesn't have legs i'm a grad student teaching for the first time public speaking anxiety up the wazoo so i decided to memorize my 17 students names and faces before the first day of class by wednesday of the second week i had everyone's face down pat but everything else in the classroom was an adrenaline-filled blur on that day students were picking out an advertisement to analyze flashback to freshman college english class everybody when i opened up the discussion i was surprised when one of the quieter students let's call him david told me he'd already chosen his ad that's great david which one did you choose the wounded warrior ad me cheerfully oblivious and why did you choose that one david the classroom suddenly goes silent no one's rustling papers or texting under their oh no no one's wrestling papers are texting under their desk anymore i realize every single wide eye in the classroom is staring at me or glancing uncomfortably at david david looks at me and shifts his legs his legs with my numbing horror i register the glint of metal between his sneakers and the hem of his jeans david doesn't have any legs in my state of stage fright i'd somehow miss that one of my students is a double amputee the silence in the classroom deafens finally david said quietly i lost my legs in the army ma'am you know op it's pretty embarrassing but the mole 68 down in the comments makes a pretty good point honestly i'm sure he's probably happy that you knew his name but didn't really notice anything else about him everyone else was super sensitive to the fact that he's other you just treated him like any other student today i effed up by accidentally coming on to a male patient while placing a urinary catheter a little back story i'm a 27 year old female nurse in a small emergency room over the years you sort of gather a repertoire of things you say to patients like saying anything else you need right now before leaving a room or saying little prick as you draw blood or place an ib etc so one day a 50 year old male patient comes in stating i've been peeing a lot of blood we get a urine sample and it looks more like blood than pee so the thing to do in this situation was place a two-way urinary catheter to wash out the bladder the guy also needed iv fluids and most likely antibiotics so he also needed to get an iv now when i walk into a room with a tray full of scary looking things i have a little sentence i say i'm sorry there's some unpleasant things we need to do but your cooperation will help things move along much easier and swifter and then explain all the things i need to do and why so this is not what i said to this man i walked into the room with my tray of horrors and he strikes up an immediate conversation so i couldn't say my line we talk for a good five minutes while i prep a sterile field arrange all my materials and explain to him what's going to happen etc i start to prep him for the catheter and suddenly remember i didn't say my line so so there i stand a 26 year old female nurse with this guy's junk in my hand and my brain comes up with i wish there was more pleasant things i could do as i shove a rubber tube up his junk he had a good laugh and i turned the reddest i've ever been and profusely apologized he told all the nurses and doctors about it and now i'm jokingly known as a catheter fetishist and can never quite live that down anti-lumen down in the comments says it best at least you didn't mix up your lines and warn him about a little prick today i effed up by making my dad punch a stripper in grand theft auto and tearfully asked god for forgiveness in front of my entire family when i was young my brothers and i snuck a copy of san andreas into the house we spent days holed up in our basement taking turns playing and down there my parents didn't bother us too much in order to get tons of money for weapons we had yet to figure out my parents dial up passwords so cheats weren't a thing for us yet we would go to the strip club and stand on the stage absorbing the money the dudes threw at the women and just let the game sit for 10 to 20 minutes we had to be careful though because sometimes the dancers would do a move and bump into cj and the bouncers would shoot the place up one day while i was playing my mom yelled down to the basement at us to get ready we're going to pizza hut in a stroke of genius i drove to the gta club got on the stage and then turned the tv off and we left it was to be the heist of the century my dad however was at church at this time practicing for a gospel concert he was singing in he always filmed the practices so he could take notes at home upon playback and this time was no different while my mom and brothers and i were still at the hut he arrived at home and plugged his camcorder into the vcr we had just one vcr and it was connected to the basement tv back at the hut my mom gets a phone call she puts her napkin down and slowly looks around the table at us and says okay a few times into the phone in this really calculating specific way that she always did when she knew us kids were in trouble before we did naturally it was at this point that we kids knew that we were in trouble for what though we didn't know after a very quiet minivan ride we get home and my mom says boys why don't we go down to the basement your dad wants to show you his gospel practice downstairs it was at this point we knew why we were in trouble so we drag our feet down the stairs and lo and behold my dad is sitting on the couch tv on a stripper's polygonal a stripper's polygonal titty swung stiffly back and forth on screen to in vogue's my lovin with cj standing mere inches away collecting money my dad starts in boys i don't even know where to begin this playstation was a blessing to you for christmas and this is how you repay us by breaking our trust he's holding the controller up now gesticulating with it here i am practicing to bring glory to god and but he was cut off as he inadvertently squeezed the controller causing cj to punch the dancer my entire family stands in silence watching together as the bouncers in the club shoot the place up for what seems like an eternity after the carnage stops and cj appears in front of the hospital i look back and see my mom silently weeping into her hands [Laughter] i look at my dad as a single tear rolls down his cheek and he prays under his breath after another eternity of silence without a word my dad bends down disconnects the playstation walks back to the family computer disconnects it goes to his car and drives away for the next four months he kept the playstation 2 and pc locked in his office at work it's one of my favorite memories of growing up i miss my brothers i love this comment from sandy t bringing glory to god punches stripper the look on the mom's face priceless and op replies to that comment i couldn't believe it when it happened my dad's lectures were so long-winded and he made you stand the whole time he could talk for 90 minutes straight and you couldn't sit i remember thinking i would give anything to not have to listen to this then i witnessed the true cost of my secret wish today i effed up by owning a golden retriever while being black work was rough today and all i wanted to do afterwards was sit on the couch and watch tv while eating food not cooked by my own hands the answer to that delivery with the food ordered i let the dog into the yard to burn some energy and sat camped outside with him while waiting for the delivery doordash grubhub uber and everyone other than jehovah's witnesses has trouble locating my address strictly relying on gps so it's nothing for me to post up and wait outside for when they're closed flag them down and then go back inside for a contactless drop off here are some pertinent details my neighbor and i share a fence with the doggy door as our pups are super close and you can bet each time that if my dog is outside hers will follow for cross-yard playtime this was the case today and probably bad judgment on my part to think that i would be able to break up the fun quickly both dogs were in the neighbor's yard at the time the notification came through that the driver was pulling up and i had to call out a few times to get my dog's attention the neighbor thankfully whistled for her dog and i had to put on the voice for mine to acknowledge i existed and then took off running for my door while waving to the driver who by this point was getting out of the car my pup and i have a game called run away where i'll take off yelling run away and literally he'll chase me like some human-sized fetch dick i used this to my advantage until he realized i was putting him inside but managed to get him through the storm door and close the screen before he could run out then i realized that i left the gate locked like an idiot with the driver standing right outside by this point i didn't have a mask on at this point and neither did the driver so i yelled from the porch that she could leave the food by the mailbox and this is where the fun started is that your dog my bs meter didn't go off i thought she was asking a question with an obvious answer because duh she was a dog person so i engage with dog owner gushiness yeah blah blah blah his name is such and such wanna say hi i'll be nice because you brought my food but she just stood there awkwardly for a moment put the food down and quickly jumped back into her car in my mind i was like okay weird but whatever i snatched the food and went back inside i went to wash my hands and from the kitchen window i can see the full street where she's still parked outside i was thinking okay weird again but i didn't dwell on it too much because i was figuring that she was just looking at the route for her next location i went about my business of preparing to destroy my meal a few minutes later my dog begins barking manically at the door i take a glance at the cameras and realize that she's still out front parked directly in front of my mailbox uh okay what's going on here i go outside and try to get her attention but she's on the phone and doesn't notice me i walk up like i'm gonna check the mail and she does pull off but towards the back of the neighborhood that only has one way in and one way out lots of people make that mistake and you'll quickly see cars turning back around but she never came back by this time i think i'm losing my mind so i go back in still watching the street for the car to pass but it never does i don't know people are weird so i just left her to that and went back to eat about 10 minutes later the dog starts going ham at the door so i checked the cameras to see two police cars sitting outside my house i continue to watch the cameras realizing that yeah the cops are getting out of the car and walking back and forth in front of mine in the neighbor's yards i go out to see if anything is wrong and they introduce themselves before saying they were called because a stolen golden retriever was reported at my address and if there was a dog in the home it clicked that the driver had called the police and then i explained my version of what happened they were really respectful and apologetic but asked if i could get my dog i went ahead and opened the door for my dog who took off ready to greet the new faces outside his collar has tags matching the address with my name and phone number on it in case he was ever lost and stolen which was proof enough for them as it was obvious they just wanted to get this over with as fast as possible no hard feelings on either side we were all walking away when the driver's car slowly comes creeping out from the back of the neighborhood i yelled out to them that the lady was right there and they positioned themselves in front of her car in a way that she would have to stop and speak with them i don't know if this lady was drunk or off her meds but she rolled down the window and was literally sobbing hysterically that she saw me take the dog from the neighbor's yard that animals get no justice and the icing on the cake that my kind only owns pit bulls and rottweilers there was just no way he was mine and the dog needed to be protected i honestly didn't want to deal with that mess so i'm sorry guys this isn't a tale of revenge i went back inside and stayed the f on my couch my day was already terrible everyone left a few minutes after that so i assumed she got a warning however i did report the incident to the delivery service and was offered credits towards my next meal i splurged that on a bakery and i'm now currently destroying a slice of carrot cake grateful it didn't and worse down in the comments brock explains that two states have made racially based swatting like this illegal and four or five more are considering it california is calling theirs and honestly you can't make this up the karen act that was our slash today i effed up and if you like this content then check out my patreon where i publish extra videos also be sure to hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 320,080

Rating: 4.9463639 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosing, tifu, r/tifu, r/ tifu, today i fd u

Id: oqlef7jIvy4

Length: 13min 52sec (832 seconds)

Published: Thu Sep 17 2020