r/Maliciouscompliance Paul Blart VS Clever Lawyer

welcome to our slash malicious compliance where Opie gets $500,000 revenge as you can imagine a lot of companies are figuring out how to manage remote staff right now in response to Kovan 19 I'm a social media manager for a large University and I'm considered essential staff for some instances if there's a snow day I can work from home but need to monitor social channels for questions problems etc weeks before the virus got as widespread as it is now in the US I asked my supervisor to consider remote options as my husband and I had been keeping a close look at its progressions abroad as he has an autoimmune disease but I was literally laughed at and told it would never happen last week our University announced that they'd be shifting to online learning for three weeks I again asked if we'd be given remote options at this time as well as to help flatten the curve and given that my job can be done literally anywhere it shouldn't be a problem I again was told nope as essential staff I'd absolutely have to come in and more details would be given in an HR email later that day HR email comes in and affirms that all staff were expected to come in as normal about 4,000 employees and if you wanted to take time at home you need to take personal vacation or sick time staff could call our email HR and make individual cases to request remote work but I'm in the state with the fourth highest cases of coab in 19 right now and we all know campuses are cesspools for disease so staff is livid the next day I emailed my supervisor again and told them that I called an emailed HR as saying that if I don't get approval for remote work I'm going to follow email protocol and take sick leave for the foreseeable future luckily I'm in a union and can request up to 26 weeks of a hundred percent paid sick leave for myself for caring for family and I knew it would get approved I said the ball was in their court and they could either have me at home actually working or have me at home and be down an essential staff member silence in the meantime I got a phone call back from HR from a frantic employee who said they'd received literally thousands of emails and phone calls similar to the ones I sent out and I could expect an update by the end of the day turned out I was not the only one threatening their bosses with time off at 5 p.m. we got an email that all staff and classes are remote until further notice I know it's likely they would have eventually made this call anyway but I'd like to thank the thousands of employees threatening malicious compliance made it happen sooner I don't even understand the logic of this of all the jobs in existence I think social media manager is the easiest job to do from home trust me as a youtuber that's basically the same thing as a social media manager and I can guarantee you there's absolutely no reason to go into an office our next reddit posted some with trees I'm a trans man and I grew up in a very conservative family as a kid my parents often forced me to wear dresses and makeup in all sorts of occasions despite me being extremely uncomfortable with it the official reasoning was so that neighbors won't talk but a large portion of it was also you need to look as attractive as possible for arranging marriage that I had absolutely no interest in at first I used to protest it and try to get away with wearing something as toned down and unisex as possible but eventually it became exhausting and distressing so screw that you want me to wear a dress fine I'll wear a dress the next time I was required to show up in a somewhat formal event I sure did wear a dress a black puffy victorian-esque dress a red corset dramatic gothic jewelry heavy black makeup a full-on show oh yeah the neighbors did talk our next reddit post is from Jay wbr it was the late 90s I was still wearing too much flannel and continuing my historical trend of keeping books from the library much too long I had a paper due for my sophomore global studies class so I naturally took out more books than I could read wrote the essay and completely forgot about the books piled in the corner of my bedroom after a series of overdue slips into my homeroom I eventually did return the four or five books one sunny afternoon in the anonymous drop book off during a study period I probably moved on to bigger and better things about two weeks later I was called down to the assistant principal's office in that space of time before classes officially started that was reserved for one thing and one thing only the reprobates and delinquents were in trouble I walked the halls thinking that surely this was just a timing mishap and I was being someone to receive congratulations for some kind of award I didn't know I'd entered into competition for yep he just wants to prepare me for the surprise ticker tape parade I was wholly unprepared to hear that I was receiving lunch attention to start immediately because I had not returned one of the books that I still remember was slim and had a white and red cover from my GS paper research I tried to argue that there was a mistake since I was sure like as sure as I am that I have fingertips that I returned it but he couldn't be moved and I was sentenced to indefinite lunch detention until I either returned the book or paid the 16 bucks to replace it I left the office late for first period defeated but kept my head held high at lunch later that day as I walked past the entirety of cafeteria which held a couple hundred of my peers plastic food tray in hand I went down the hall to the old shop classroom that had since been moved and the awaiting detention I checked in with Miss Brown at her desk in the front and took an inconspicuous seat in the back staring down at my canned peach slices I braced for the worse a murderous ruckus was going to break out any minute I could tell but once my ears stopped ringing I discovered that it was really a comma scape from the crowded and rowdy lunchroom I ate slowly that day enjoyed my young thoughts and blissful quiet and wondered what kind of heaven was this to be fair I did search far and wide for that book that first day attempts to find it in my locker bedroom and backpack were fruitless and the general consensus in my home was that the school was being ridiculous I certainly wasn't going to pay for something I didn't lose so the next day considering my brief brush with the law and the invisible stain already attached my reputation I went armed with a book in my lunch past the maddening crowds of the detention room i sat there day after day for nearly two months of lunches in retrospect to this day those remains some of the most relaxing lunch breaks of my life I had around 40 solid minutes to recharge in mostly complete silence with my reasonably priced lunch and whatever book I was currently reading I had to recount my origin story a few times since no one could figure out how the quiet bookworm of a girl who had never been in trouble before had landed in the wilds of detention but I was mostly left to my own devices in this newly found peaceful retreat I was friendly with Miss Brown who had worked for the district of my small town since I was in elementary school and even hooked her up with a sweet horse whisperer poster that she loved from my family's mom-and-pop video store she must have felt bad for me because somewhere around the one-month mark she started up a collection to cover the cost of the book she added the initial donation but teachers who would stop by to chitchat would add loose change to it and the race to buy my freedom was on after a few weeks she handed me just under seven dollars my love of Solitude was no match for the guilt of carrying around that money or my mom who had just started a new job in the school district so with a heavy heart I paid in full for the missing book and went back to my old lunch table in the thick of the action months later during the last week of school I was called down to the library at my convenience and was sweaty palms forced myself to face the music over what was inevitably going to be yet another overdue book at the end of the day well low and be effing hold the end of your inventory check had located the book as waylaid in the wrong section of library I received a few sheepish looks from the librarians as they refunded the money and apologized in a backwards way that still made me the bad guy as overdue books are the real blemish on one's characters so how are they to assume that I didn't lose the book remember my mom's new job in the school well she just happened to be walking by the library just as I was finishing up and to say that she laid into them is far too extreme sounding but she did school some stern-faced librarians into giving me a proper apology she also demanded they'd look into reforming their system and my favorite part take the proper measures to expunge my record she was very concerned about me carrying around the Albatross of false accusation apparently and just like that my life of crime was over then down in the comments divine Squire has this story I had a very similar situation and can relate so much but it was of no fault of my own in junior high I was the Joker of the classroom I went to a small private school so all staff and students knew of my antics my homeroom teacher didn't like it at all this homeroom teacher would make an example out of me for any tiny infraction keeping me a lunch detention the bone is about detention as you received lunch for free they make you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches served with a milk carton so each and every day for the next two years I received a lunch detention once in a great while the teacher would forget to give it to me and I'd remind her in front of the whole class thus out of spite she would give me the detention i sat in a climate-controlled room normally by myself reading a book I loved it when the book mobile would arrive and pocketing the lunch money I was given every day four bucks and I bought many NES video games thanks to the savings and if anyone is curious on the math on that over two years that comes out to one thousand four hundred and forty dollars that Opie saved that's a lot of video games our next read it posted from cyborg dinner this is my dad story not mine so I won't be including any dialog I'm also going to have to be a bit vague in places to protect said job info tidbit for those somehow unfamiliar the FDA is an American regulatory body that approves medical stuff for sale in the market along with being the oversight body of the entire food industry in the US it's a big clunky slightly outdated and often frustrating agency but it's therefore an incredibly good reason to keep corporations from maiming or killing anyone my dad has been an engineer and a dang good one with this company for 29 years he holds over 60 patents for them with another couple hundred patents in various stage of processing he holds a job title only held by less than 1% of engineers at his firm like I said he's a really good engineer my dad's company uses a lot of interns from all over the country and sometimes the world all of whom are desperate to learn at such a well-respected firm they're paid generously up to 25 bucks an hour and aren't overworked they almost never do overtime but over the last 10 years or so many schools have tweaked their engineering degree programs and are not leaving out emphasis on several things that are vital to success at said firm as a result my dad can be a bit tough on his interns to clarify he's never mean doesn't raise his voice doesn't cuss et cetera but he will make them redo lab tests from our pores until they're done correctly this is vital as everything the company makes must be approved by the FDA before it can go to the market and that process can be horrendous a few years ago my dad got assigned a quite lazy intern and things were tense for the five months he was there when the intern left he told them my dad was much too firm with him and needs to learn to relax they decided to use this as an excuse to not pay my dad his entire rather robust bonus that year until someone in the meeting stood up in support of my dad that guy was a low-level manager still on the young side who was there to learn about the review process he had also interned under my dad years earlier this young manager told them the only reason he's where he is today is because my dad was tough on him he learned how to do things right and do it right the first time he told there were viewers they were nuts and it'd be better if more intern supervisors were hard on their interns my dad got his bonus that year but the next year they pulled the same BS and cut his bonus in half no one stopped at that time so he said eff it he'll do exactly what they want best of all the intern he'd just been assigned was on the lazy side several months later my dad was called into a meeting they told him a project had been denied FDA clearance costing them over five hundred thousand dollars because of sloppy work from my dad's intern my dad wasn't actually in this failed project his intern had been loaned to another team for it but my dad was still this kid's supervisor and the only one double-checking the reports my dad coldly informed them that he was only doing what they asked him to do he was being nicer to the intern allowing them to turn in lab reports they generated instead of making the kid rewrite it over until it was correct needless to say my dad got his bonus this year and there were no more mentions of interns and lab reports our next reddit post is from ours to rock so this is about five years ago I worked as a chef at a bakery it was my job to make everything but the baked goods every morning the bakery and I would walk in and about 4:00 a.m. and knock out all the foods needed for the day this will leave me ready to go home around 10 a.m. or so this put us at the perfect time to deliver online orders it was common for companies or other entities to place large catering orders with us the Baker and I would split them down the middle and deliver them on our way home the delivery in question was her Bob Dick and Harry attorneys-at-law I've never delivered to Bob Dick and Harry before but they were a regular of sorts every financial quarter they would hold a huge meeting this meeting would require roughly $700 of bagels and bagel accessories this spread included eight dozen bagels all ten of our flavors of cream cheese pastries brownies and enough coffee to power a college dorm through finals week my passenger seat entire backseat an entire trunk are filled with food now Bob Dick and Harry is located on the ninth floor of a commercial skyscraper deep in the industrial complex downtown parking was non-existent there were meters outside the building but I knew I would need close to ten trips to deliver all this food and didn't have a lot of change on me company policy was to just pay whatever fines I needed to park and then turn in my receipts the money would end up on my next paycheck so the building has its own parking garage so I pull in the security guard let's call him Sam stops me and says the parking garage is for employees only I happily show him my delivery invoice and offer him a bribery bagel never leave the store without at least two Sam refuses the bagel and says I can park in one of the guest spots on the bottom floor the fee is five bucks for every 30 minutes minimum ten dollars I think I'm gonna head to the bottom floor of the garage so there are a total of six guest parking spaces just six all of them are taken I head back up to talk to Sam when I see an open parking spot reserved for Bob Dick and Harry Attorneys at Law there are cars in every spot with many spots being reserved for employees by name the last spot is empty and is reserved for guests of Bob Dick and Harry perfect I pull on in I grabbed the most important part of the delivery the coffee and hinted the stairwell I get into the elevator and hit the button for floor 9 the elevator asked for my employee ID card well crud so I try the lobby that works from there it's nine flights of stairs until I'm outside the law from a Bob Dick and Harry after introducing myself I'm shown to the room where the meeting will take place a table is set aside for me I set down the coffee and head for trip number two this is when I see Sam talking to the receptionist he runs over and starts shouting at me I'm putting a boot on your effing car I told you to park and guess on the bottom floor I don't get a word in before he launches into his speech about security and how I could be hurting his building or people this is when a very well-dressed man walks over it so happens to be Bob the bob of Bob Dick and Harry's Bob asked what the problem is and soon the two are arguing Opie is delivering food for my meeting he's allowed to use my parking spots those parking spots belong to the building you're leasing them like you leased this floor I'm the one who says you can park there he isn't an employee so he isn't parking then I'm making him an employee you can't do that you know what you're right Harry Harry get over here Harry walks over with an amused look on his face Harry here is the head of our HR department Harry hire this boy Harry pulls out a piece of paper and scribbles Opie is now a member of Bob Dick and Harry and signs it then asked me to sign as well I do so Bob reaches over to the receptionist who's already grabbing some things here's your employee badge your parking permit and your elevator key card now please do the job I've hired you to do and deliver my bagels Sam in utter fury as I ride the elevator down to my car seven sweet sweet elevator rides later all the foods delivered Bob and Harry meet me at the table Opie you've made great strides in this company and I'm proud of your work but I feel it's time for us to part ways here's your final check Bob then hands me a crisp $50 bill Harry says and your severance package now please be sure to return your badge and cart on the way out Harry hands me a twenty and sends me on my way the receptionist is sure to validate the parking ticket that Sam gave me and I head out on the way out Sam grins at me and asked for my ticket I placed it in the machine in the station it sees the validation I got and lets me out for free Sam glares at me as I Drive off into the late morning sun in this epic showdown of mall cop versus high-powered attorneys the story wasn't about how you would expect it to that was our sloshed malicious compliance and if you liked this video then hit that subscribe button because I put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 885,504

Rating: 4.9342551 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, maliciouscompliance, malicious, compliance, r/maliciouscompliance

Id: V6qWQPGbFt8

Length: 18min 43sec (1123 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 01 2020