r/Tifu By Buying a DNA Kit For My Boyfriend's Family

welcome to r today i f'd up where op pranks his entire office building today i effed up by using the nuclear option in a game of monopoly it was a four player family game of monopoly my brother our parents and i were playing and i wasn't doing well i wasn't bankrupt or heavily mortgaged yet but i could tell that if something drastic didn't change in the next three turns or so i was toast i didn't have any monopolies but i did have a couple of two out of three properties new york and st james being the standouts and a couple of other scattered properties here and there my brother was the clear favorite at this point with my dad in clear second my mom was losing right along with me it was my turn and i was trying to arrange a favorable trade i'm negotiating with my dad i have a property that will give him another monopoly and he has a card that will give me a monopoly we both have enough money inside properties to even things up afterwards with a good trade here we'd both have a higher chance of winning significantly cutting into my brother's lead seems like it should have been a slam dunk right but no my dad is pushing for the most ridiculous trades possible and outright refusing to trade away those properties that are most valuable to me if i don't get a monopoly out of this i might as well not even bother with a trade i'm getting frustrated as the negotiating stalls but i got an idea a terrible terrible idea i say to my dad dad i'm clearly in the weaker position here but right now that just means i have less to lose so here's the deal if i don't get a trade from you that gives me a monopoly i'm going to sell all of my properties to my brother for one dollar my dad didn't like that at all and there was no trade he also probably didn't expect me to carry through but immediately after i sold all my deeds to my brother for a dollar and my dad lost any chance whatsoever of winning the game my dad isn't speaking to me right now was that a supremely dickish move to play yup i'm feeling a little vindicated though for not letting myself be pushed around when i was the little guy but will anyone ever want to play monopoly with me again i kinda doubt it i mean that sounds about right people don't play monopoly because they want to have fun people play monopoly because they want to suffer and destroy their relationships today i effed up by giving my boyfriend a dna test for his birthday so this happened back in august but he finally got the results back a few weeks ago but brace yourselves this is some soap opera drama turns out he has a half sister and an aunt that he never knew about both the aunt and sister were on his dad's side of the family so he spoke to his dad his dad didn't know the aunt although she shared the same last name as his family and his dad never knew he had a daughter but the timeline of events checked out next my boyfriend went to facebook and searched everywhere for his half-sister she looks exactly like his dad needless to say his dad was shocked they were trying to figure out how to tell the rest of the family my boyfriend didn't want to message her first because she may not know that she was adopted or she might not know who her real dad was this week his half-sister finally messaged my boyfriend she asked if he was adopted he proceeded to tell her that he thought she was adopted because she looks exactly like his dad then she said that he looks exactly like her dad needless to say everyone was confused they sent pictures of their fathers and my boyfriend did indeed look like her dad but there's still this question of who's the aunt and do the half-sister and aunt know each other yes yes they do the half-sister said the aunt is her aunt yet my boyfriend and aunt share the same last name so now my boyfriend is asking his mom if there's any way that he has a different dad she's adamant that he doesn't until my boyfriend shows his mom the picture of his half-sister's dad and the mom absolutely recognizes the man turns out my boyfriend's dad and mom were on a break and his mom hooked up with this guy his mom and dad got back together almost immediately after my boyfriend was conceived so they assumed that my boyfriend was a product of their relationship and not her fling they were wrong turns out my boyfriend is the product of his mom's fleeing and he has a dad that he never knew about he also has four new half siblings one aunt one uncle five cousins grandparents and two nephews all who he never knew about and get this one of his new siblings was born the same year as him and has the same name as for the aunt who shares the same last name as my boyfriend we're not sure if it's a coincidence or if she's somehow related to his adopted dad's side of the family it's only been a few days but everyone's taking the news surprisingly well my boyfriend's adopted dad is such a saint and is encouraging my boyfriend to get to know his bio dad and family my boyfriend has since been communicating with his bio dad and two half siblings and it's going great they seem like such a kind loving and welcoming family although this was such a shock for everyone it's turning out to be the best case scenario for such a strange situation so yeah i essentially gave my boyfriend a whole new family for his birthday you're welcome boo all right this story is a little bit complicated so i had to dive down in the comments to get a better sense of what's going on here from what i gather the reason why op's boyfriend adopted father looks so much like his actual biological father is probably because his mom has a very specific taste in men so whatever the adopted dad looks like let's say really tall and red-headed for sake of argument that must be the mom's type so she found another really tall red-headed guy and slept with him also the aunt with the same last name is just a weird red herring coincidence and has nothing to do with the family lineage basically all you need to know is that op's boyfriend's mom slept with another guy who looked almost exactly like her husband which resulted in opi's boyfriend being born today i effed up by pranking my office like jim from the office i thought it would be funny to put a bluetooth speaker in the ceiling and place sounds of cats over it i found an eight-hour video of cats meowing on youtube that was perfect i paired an old phone to the speaker tossed the phone in a drawer of an empty desk and tucked the speaker under a ceiling tile it was perfect you could only hear the cats if you listened real close it sounded like there was a cat in the ceiling but you really couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from i went to my office got busy with work and forgot about it until i went to break i walked into the break room and several people were talking about the cat that must be in the ventilation system i chuckled to myself while i grabbed my coffee and made a loop through the accounting department to see if there were any more people talking about the cat in the ceiling to my horror half the ceiling tiles were removed and there were two maintenance men on ladders looking for the cats they were real close to the speaker but hadn't found it yet i just reversed out of there and went back to work they eventually found the speaker and shortly after everyone got an email from the big boss reprimanding the guilty party and asking for any information on the culprit my bad and then opie posted an update a conspiracy theory emerged by the end of the day several of my co-workers don't believe that it was a prank at all they think the maintenance people lied about it being a prank that maintenance made it up to get people back to work and that maintenance is planning to set up traps and poison to kill the cats one person claimed that they absolutely heard the cat yesterday and i kid you not a couple of them claim that they still hear it down in the comments i love this reply from walker the accounting department got shut down because angela wouldn't let anyone do any work until the cat was saved today i effed up by hooking my girlfriend up with a job at the company i work for my girlfriend and i have been dating for just shy of six years we were high school sweethearts and still in school she had always struggled with jobs in keeping them and since we lived together i usually had to pick up the slack i was working as an assistant manager at a video game retail store at the time probably not hard to figure out which one it was honestly an easy job as long as you gave a little effort pre-order here a couple of warranty sales there since my girlfriend loved video games more than i did i had the brilliant idea to get her a job here she was an attractive girl while eighty percent of our customers were neckbeards who hardly get to interact with women should be easy for her to make sales there's no way she can screw this up i said confidently to myself as with most companies there's a policy that people in relationships can't work at the same location no problem we have 12 stores in our district that are within a five mile radius they seriously put these stores on every other block i'd do a little digging and hook her up in a neighboring store that had a vacant position she would also be working with the head store manager of the district who indirectly was one of my bosses a few weeks in and it's going great it took me about a year to get promoted but she got promoted in weeks i'm not a self-conscious person so i didn't care plus she could help pick up half the bills here's where i started to realize i effed up my girlfriend comes driving in with a brand new car considering we were living paycheck to paycheck i was pretty upset i asked her where she got the car from and she told me i've been saving up bs but okay i loved her so as long as she's happy i'm happy next comes the write-ups i started getting write-ups and customer complaints left and right i'm a very good employee and i very rarely make anyone upset i couldn't even find where these customers were coming from even though my performance was the best out of most of the employees i was starting to fear for my job as to be predicted i ended up getting fired i tried to fight it but i live in texas and the rules are that companies can fire anyone at any time for any reason i'm absolutely crushed i turned to my girlfriend for emotional support to find her extremely distant she dumped me days later double whammy i loved her for six years she told me that she felt this way for a while that things aren't the same i'm absolutely heartbroken i'm angry depressed jobless it felt like my life got flipped upside down one week later her facebook status put her in a relationship with her boss my boss not sure when it happened but he bought her a car and then got me fired it turns out that all the customer complaints about me originated from that store somehow total bs i set her up to absolutely screw me over and bone my boss i'm still a little sad about it but it is what it is man i'm sorry but guys like that manager make no sense to me i mean not that he bought her a car if that's how you want to spend your money then go for it but it's like dude you know that she's a cheater because she cheated on her boyfriend with you so why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with a proven cheater i just don't get it today i epped up by ordering not one but three adult items getting next day delivery without realizing and then silently watching as my dad placed them next to me i am never living this down this story is really standard compared to a lot of other adult-related posts here but it's really destroyed me on an emotional and spiritual level the first thing that you should know about me is that i'm not a very adventurous person i barely ever have urges i rarely think about anything like that and my libido is comparable to that of fence post etc however i started noticing that i was becoming increasingly bitter towards things like that so i decided you know what i'm gonna try to explore that side of me maybe bring it out a little bit more and so i did i bought two toys nothing extravagant just basic cheap little items and a bottle of lube because i work smart not hard things should be fine i think to myself i'll order them and they'll come in a week or so no one's expecting any packages then so there'll be no issues and they'll hand it off right to me and none the wiser and then that didn't happen can you believe it no what actually happened was worse and proved to me that my dad is a monstrous monstrous man who lives to cause me pain unbeknownst to me i was so under my trial of amazon prime i had forgotten to cancel it after buying my vulpix plush sue me and the package shipped and arrived the next day even this should have been fine because no one in my family opens packages that aren't theirs except for one little thing my package came in with my mom's packages i didn't realize they were coming in that day so i was still curled up in bed watching tv when i heard the delivery truck pull up i thought oh cool and went back to my show it just so happened that my mom ordered a lot of different parts for her car and then she assumed the box was one of hers as well without checking the labels since i hadn't mentioned ordering anything to her obviously according to my mom she opened it thought oh my husband must have bought something and then she checked the label and saw my name did she do the respectable thing and tape it back up with clear tape like nothing happened did she just hand it to me and walk away silently no she went to my dad because of course she did according to my mom she walked in and said our daughter ordered adult toys and i don't know how to handle it and my dad shot up in bed with horror a moment later he giggled and jumped out of bed taking the box from her and saying i want to give it to her he walks into my room i say hey to him and sit up and look at him he tilts the box towards me to show its contents and then we stare at each other in silence for several seconds before he sets it down next to me with the biggest grin on his face and then calmly walks off i can't look at my parents in the face anymore i might actually have to move out co would be damned because my dad won't stop making jokes about it down in the comments reigning softly says you should wash him in the dishwasher to get back at him and opie replies my mom said quote listen if you wash them in the dishwasher at least make sure you take them out before your little sister does the dishes and down in the comments we have a similar story from festive adam one time my friend made me go to an adult store with her because she was embarrassed we were both 19 at the time she spent over an hour talking to the shop lady about which vibrator was the quietest and she shared a wall with her mother i saw my friend later and she told me she couldn't figure out how to get the vibrator to turn on so who did she go to her mom that was our slash today i effed up and if you like this content then check out my patreon where i publish episodes that were too spicy for youtube also hit that subscribe button because i put out new reddit videos every single day

Channel: rSlash

Views: 268,778

Rating: 4.9510975 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, choosing, tifu, r/tifu, r/ tifu, today i fd u

Id: IHL-J4zA9Lg

Length: 15min 3sec (903 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 08 2020