r/AmITheA**Hole - WAS I WRONG FOR HUMILIATING MY DAUGHTER?

g'day there guys it's your Z hubby Maki back at it again with another mi v.a whole video I know you guys have a weird fetish for these videos and so do I so let's get right to it our first post is buy crack snap yo titled MIT a hole for not baking much for my family I 16 male started dating my girlfriend around two years ago I also got super into baking around that time I baked a lot my girlfriend loves desserts so I've given her a ton of stuff I bake all kinds of different stuff I often try to bake something new and then she gets to try something new I honestly love baking way more than eating it my girlfriend is the opposite well recently she gave me a scrapbook she made she'd counted everything I baked her apparently and she gave me this scrapbook after I baked her her 100th desserts it was filled with pictures of every dessert of baked and pictures of me baking and her eating she wrote a paragraph about each out of my baked each item was dated to she had been working on this for over two years she also wrote a long letter and how proud she is of my baking hobby thanking me for the sweets and telling me how much she loves me it was the sweetest gift I've ever gotten and I honestly cried I showed my mom and sister expecting them to think it's cute but they were ticked they were angry I've spent so much time baking for my girlfriend and not them I just got into this habit and I loved making my girlfriend happy as well since she loved desserts so what are you guys and reddit think are they the a whole not the a whole you and your girlfriend sounds sweet and your family sounds bitter not the a-hole Oh B don't let their reactions sour you your family is salty they didn't get any sweet treats hang in there ha goddamnit not the a-hole and your mom does indeed sound bitter but made I'm so happy your girlfriend cares so much and that you give her something meaningful that takes time and effort times the most expensive thing in the world it's impossible to get more of it so every hour you spend baking for someone's worth more than anything you can buy with money and that is brilliant RP you're an awesome bloke don't let better people tell you differently not the a-hole as a fellow Baker screw them it's really annoying when you have a skill and family thinks they're entitled to the benefits of said skill had my brother's dad expect me to make a wedding cake for his daughter at one point for free mind you none exposes by a total chunk titled am I the a-hole for you using a little bit of my girlfriend's CBD oil without asking bearing in mind I didn't know how much it cost her sir I 28 mil have been living with my girlfriend's 23 female Holly for just over a year Holly suffers from a condition that causes constant muscle pains and aches she used to take two medications called Kabam Patton and codeine but replaced these with CBD oil all I know about the oil is that it's almost THC free and six milligrams per drop which is supposedly strong I thought it was a bit hippie dippie sounding and honestly thought it was a scam and over 200 pounds for a 10 mil bottle a couple of weeks ago I had a really bad tension migraine I didn't have any paracetamol or codeine on so I decided to give the CBD drops a try at this point in time I had no idea they cost 200 pounds per bottle I used four or five drops not realizing it's a one drop starting strength they absolutely had me on my ass for hours it was more relaxed and chilled out than I have ever been it also knocked my migraine out too right away I slept like a baby that night I decided to use a few drops a day as it really improved my mood then things went to crap holly was having a particularly bad day with her pain and went to use her drops she called me in the bathroom and said this boil should be almost full and it's only got a little left have you been using my CBD I admitted that I had been using just a few drops a day but to be fair her bottle is tiny like 10 milliliters but I assumed it cost her like 5 pounds not 200 pounds Holly told me the cost of the CBD and I laughed so she got it up line and she wasn't lying it's 240 pound per bottle I told her it's a complete ripoff skin and she said if it's a scam why have you been using it I told her it makes me feel relaxed but at that price I could just buy a bottle of vodka and feel much more relaxed she pointed out that she uses it for pain primarily and asked me to cover the cost of half a bottle I said no because I never ever have foreseen that a tiny bottle of CBD which you can get at Holland and Barrett for like ten pounds would be over 200 pounds we had a pretty big arguments about it and I left to stay at my parents house she said if I go to my parents house she won't let me back in because of the current climates I think tensions are high at the moment and she overreacted to what should have been a small issue asking me to pay for something so petty just really struck a nerve am i the a-hole you're the a-hole it doesn't matter if you didn't know how much it costs don't take other people's medicine without asking you need to reimburse her for if not the whole bottle at the very least half no kidding you know a great way to know how much something costs ask before using it huge you're the a-hole for pete's sake how is that not obvious so you know she's in a ton of pain constantly she found something that helps her and you're making fun of it you're off to a great start you're briefly in pain and decide to use the thing that you're making fun of her for using without bothering to tell her and apparently without considering that she needs it all the time and it works you were completely 100% wrong about it helping your girlfriend do you apologize to her for being so judgy no of course not do you even bother telling her that you used some of her medicine or that it worked no of course not you just decide to start helping yourself to it every damn day to improve your mood when she needs it to deal with constant pain so one day she's in a lot of pain needs a medicine and finds out you've taken almost all of it now do you apologize to be using it without her knowledge or at the very least admit that you were doing and it helps no of course not instead you basically admit that you knew she only had a little bit of it and kept using it anyway despite the fact that it helped so much that you started using it daily you're still making fun of her for taking it also newsflash if one person we use in the proper amount instead of one person using the proper amount and one jerk secretly helping himself to as much of it as he wanted on a daily basis that little bottle would have lasted a lot longer he had despite the fact that you stole her damn medicine and used up almost all of it to improve your mood despite knowing that she needs it for pain when she asked you to pay for half of the bottle you owe her as a replacement and you still refused what the hell is wrong with you do this gal a favor and stay with your parents you're not ready to be in a relationship as a chronic pain sufferer I wish I could up wrote this post so many times if my husband stole my medication and didn't replace it I would put him out on his ass and I take one prescription that is relatively cheap can't imagine what his girlfriend thought when he admitted to using it but still calling it a scam unexposed his buy lamp Barbie titles am I the a-hole for humiliating my daughter in front of her boyfriend by forcing her to play Scrabble with the family my daughter 17 female started dating her boyfriend 17 male last October ever since then she's changed a lot about herself usually she's with her boyfriend almost every day after school but now they talk on the phone for hours and hours she stopped hanging out with her siblings as much and she's just had a bad attitude about any family activity that doesn't involve her boyfriends we usually play Scrabble almost every weekend after dinner as soon as she'd finished clearing the table my daughter rushed off to her room I waited for her for almost a half hour before she knew that we were playing Scrabble I knocked on her room door and told her that she needed to come play Scrabble and she told me she was just saying goodbye but five minutes later she still didn't come out so I came into my room and she was still on the phone and I told her she had to come and she said no sir I took the phone from her and told her boyfriend that she had to come play scrabble and then I hung up then during Scrabble she had a really bad attitude and played easy words the whole time I confronted her after and she started yelling at me how I'd humiliated her in front of her boyfriends I didn't feel like I was humiliating her and they already want her twice and she didn't listen am I the a-hole and then I he reads some comments and now it's like I have reevaluated the situation and based on what I know in my own head and these comments I realize I am wrong about certain aspects of the situation what I have done is apologized to my daughter pulled my children together and talked to them about the family game night I believe that this is still a good tradition but I asked them if they'd like to put Scrabble to rest for a while and choose something new we now have a rotating system where we each pick the game on the Friday of our turn I will continue with the games being mandatory but we all agreed that we would all join in now that it could be a little more fun also about the white sash Italian discussion I'd like to end talking about thanks because it is getting us nowhere and is not really related to the post I know some of you are probably around my daughter's age so you won't understand this but I don't believe throwing away spending time with her siblings is worth a fleeting highschool relationship I still have acknowledged I am wrong to everyone involved thank you for the constructive feedback your the a hole in a scrabble style nice games are supposed to be fun read your posts back to yourself does any part of it seem fun she's 17 and exhibiting some healthy detachments on her way to becoming an adults give her space and she'll likely boomerang back pull on her incessantly and she'll likely break away even further you're the a-hole yeah I feel like her behavior is pretty normal for a teen especially one in her first relationship when I had my first boyfriend I'd spend a lot of time with him and less time doing family stuff realistically many kids at that age are probably going to pick talking to their boyfriend and girlfriend over playing Scrabble with their parents family nights are a great way to bring everyone together but they shouldn't be forced on her in a few years I think she'll learn to balance it out but the teen years can be hired because you're trying to be more independent of your family now next post is my user my Owen pants titled am I the a-hole my parents took most of my wardrobe away as punishment and I said I didn't want the clothes back because it's obviously not actually mine so I got in trouble at school this fall I'm a junior in high school edit to add what I got in trouble for since a couple people asked I smoked weed with a guy in the woods after school once and got cords I also made out with him a couple times and my parents found out about that too as punishment my parents took away all of my things all of my clothes except three pairs of plain jeans and three plain black shirts and my cards and all my makeup and hand stuff purses and shoes saying I had to earn things back with good behavior I don't get to engage in my hobby which is fashion until I've earned it anyways it was a crappy couple of months but I came to a couple realizations it was actually kind of nice to not have to think about what to wear and how I look my friends knew what my parents had done and didn't judge me I also told anyone who I asked why I looked like I only had one outfit what was up and it was no big deal I know it was supposed to be a demeaning humiliating punishments to make me look bad at school but honestly it just makes them look bad when people at school know I'm only allowed to wear one thing I don't want to have things that are just something someone can hold over my head I don't want the old clothes and makeup back and if I'm gonna get back into that stuff I'll do it on my own terms I'll buy my own stuff so I told my parents that I don't care if they keep the clothes and makeup they've made it clear that stuff doesn't belong to me and it's gross to me to spend every day wearing clothes that aren't mine they can be given and taken as punishment I would feel gross and I would rather not have to wear them again so now my parents are mad because they've got a lot of clothes boxed up in the Attic the family spent money on and that are going to waste nobody else can wear them my mom isn't my size and my only sibling is my little brother I said I don't care I want my clothes that are my own and those are nights it am I the a-hole for not taking the clothes back and letting them go to waste not the a-hole and I find it hilarious how spectacularly that punishment backfired not the a-hole I'm really impressed by your thinking actually this is crappy behavior from them and this is exactly the right answer also the punishment does not fit the crime at all this is a parental power trip and before you're in adults the only way to overcome this is to realize exactly what you did stick to your guns on this o P I guess they thought it made sense because I was in trouble for doing stuff with a guy and I guess getting the stuff that they saw as my way to look attractive to guys there honestly I was into fashion for my own reasons was a fitting punishment you kissed a guy oh Lord you're ruined obviously it was the fashion that made the guy want to kiss you huh ironically going without all the stuff for a while probably helped my self-esteem turns out I can still get in in stanky old jeans unexposed is by user I eat dark chocolates just get out since gross kidding I'm kidding am I the a-hole for eating all the dark chocolates gifted to my wife since she always said that she hates dark chocolates so my wife always says that she hates dark chocolate because according to her it tastes bitter and weird in the three years that we've been together she never bought dark chocolate for herself or tried it went offered and she always teases me when I eat it by saying you're eating awful chocolate again our families and close friends all know she dislikes it and always gets her milk or white chocolate if we're together at an event and she somehow got dark chocolate while I got milk or white she would swap our chocolates last week one of her clients gifted her with a box of expensive Belgian dark chocolates she took them home and told me hey there's chocolates in the fridge yep she always puts chocolates in the fridge the label clearly said that their dark chocolates so I assumed that she meant for me to eat them because she doesn't eat dark chocolate the Box stayed in our fridge over the course of the week and I ate two or three every day when I felt like it's yesterday I finished the last piece so I threw the Box in the trash my wife saw it and asked why I was throwing it so I told her that I had already ate all the chocolates she got upset and told me that I should have told her before I ate the last piece so she could try one if she felt like it's because it was her gift after all I said that she had a week to try one if she felt like it and she didn't how was I supposed to know that she would suddenly want to try dark chocolates after a lifetime of telling me that it was tastes awful to her am I really the jerky oh you're the a-hole you should have asked I also hate dark chocolates but if I was gifted an expensive box I would want to try worst of all there is a 100% chance she would have let you have most or all of them if you had asked always ask before dipping into something that isn't yours that's right guys always ask for consents edits I see all the arguments below re length of time the chocolate was in the fridge her history with dark chocolates etc while those are all perfectly valid points I've always believed that asking / checking in about taking something that isn't yours is the best way to go about things as it avoids situations like this maybe it's a difference in upbringing who knows I stand by my you're the a-hole but for clarification Opie is a very very small a-hole / jerk she offered by telling him there in the fridge there she let him know that they were in the fridge she did not say they're all yours even if I know my partner isn't really fond of something I will usually ask her before taking the last one just in case she happens to want it it's a common courtesy in a relationship RP is the a home not the a-hole a precedent has been set here that she doesn't eat dark chocolates I don't eat dark chocolate used to get a lot as gifts when I was teaching preschool my family knew I didn't want it if she changed her mind about it she should have said to save her a few since you were not a mind-reader our next post is by user family problems seven oh seven it's got a stonk sir would am I the a-hole for telling my adopted sister to go back to our true family throw away because my parents use reddit and know my reddit accounts I know how the title sounds but if you are not willing to read the full post before commenting then don't comment at all your perspective about the situation might change being the only child in the family was awesome I got to have my own room friend's iPad etc which am now obligated to share with my so-called sister yes even friends they adopted her one year ago for a reason I till now failed to understand but I strongly believe it's because I was not good enough for them I'm really hurt because they never ever asked me if I wanted another sibling I just had to accept the fact that I suddenly have a younger sister and should now share everything I have with her and treat her as part of the family how am I supposed to do that I can't just start feeling close to her and the fact that I am forced to involve her in all my plans infuriates me and makes me hate her even more today my friends and I decided to challenge ourselves to stay awake all day by doing many different sorts of things that will keep us from getting bored obviously since we shared the same room my sister heard this and told me she would like to join the activity I was honestly hoping I could finally do something without her but of course she had to ruin it I told her no and she said she's going to tell my parents about it I then got mad and told her to get the hell out of my house and go back to her biological family excuse my language her voice then changed and she told me she doesn't know where they are but I told her to shut the hell up again excuse my language and not to get emotional with me because I really had it with her she left the room and I started crying because of how stressed she makes me but realized I should whip my tea as fast because my parents can't see me like this otherwise they will believe my adopted sisters words and I'll get punished for it she obviously told them but I denied what I said I normally don't lie so they believed my words and and now talking to her obviously without being harsh and will still not punish her because god forbid they treat my adopted sister wrongly MIT a halt for the way I reacted also I'm not sure if I get to have this option but I would like for auto mode not to copy my post in case I edit or delete thank you final edits before leaving Wow I am back after seven hours and this happened okay guys I get it I'm the jerk no need for more you're the a-hole comments or facepalm cyber Awards to let me know what that I did was wrong also regarding the auto mode the mods responded and told me they will not remove it so calm down I won't delete the post so you no longer need to uproot Auto my order this is embarrassing also regarding the PM's I now reached 500 and might not be reading them if you actually wrote something nice then I'm sorry I didn't get to respond you're the a-hole grow the hell up obviously I don't understand the whole situation and yes I can understand it must be very difficult to have your life change like that with no inputs but she is literally just trying to find a family and make friends she just wants someone she can connect with and she's trying to do that with you there are any number of reasons someone adopts a child and it's rarely if ever because they aren't happy with their current child but even if that is the case you don't take it out on her if you have problems bring them up like a mature reasonable person with your parents don't attack someone innocent in this whole situation with the cruelest thing you could possibly say not part of the conflict sir I agree with you you're the a-hole judgements but I kind of feel like the parents are in the wrong for forcing two teenagers to share a room as the status quo especially ones that barely know each other healthy boundaries probably would help this relationship a lot and now last post for the day buy throw away GF hates me titled am I the a-hole for wanting to veto my girlfriend's outfit to my friend's wedding my 23 male girlfriend 23 female are going to my friend's wedding this August if it doesn't get postponed due to everything going on my girlfriend likes to play in early and bought her outfit for the wedding already it came in the mail today and I was surprised to see that it was a jump suits my girlfriend is extremely attractive and she loves makeup and getting dolled up especially for special occasions I was surprised she wanted to wear pants to this wedding instead of a nice dress she has plenty of dresses I have been to almost a dozen weddings in my life I have a big family and I have never seen anything as bizarre as this so I immediately told my girlfriend she wasn't wearing that to the wedding she disagreed and said it was more comfortable and that it looked great on her it didn't besides she had already paid for it I wanted to compromise so I said I would buy her something else but she declined I told her that people will think she looks stupid I wasn't trying to be mean but imagining my girlfriend being the only woman in pants was making me cringe inside don't get me wrong she always looks nice in her clothes but this outfit was a hundred percent a cry for attention my girlfriend is very feminist liberal thinks gender norms are dumb etc I don't think my friend's wedding is the time to make a feminist statement however since all the attention is supposed to be on the bride and groom she wasn't listening to me so I got frustrated and said if she wanted to wear it then she wasn't coming with me to the wedding she then escalated it into a huge fight and said that she was a grown woman she could dress herself etc I said yes but this is a formal event and she has to dress appropriately she locked herself in the bedroom and hasn't come out for hours I'm ticked the hell off there was an easy solution that she ignored and she refused to see my side of things I have been exiled to this so far so I figure I might as well come ask you guys what you thoughts am I the a-hole for wanting to V tell my girlfriend's wedding outfits and it's someone asked what it looked like so this is the closest thing I can find to the style of the jumpsuit I just googled wedding guests jumpsuits it looks similar to this just a darker blue color literally what is wrong with this there's nothing wrong with this in my opinion if wearing a dress to a wedding is such a big deal for you then you were a dress who the hell are you to control what your girlfriend wears you sound like an utter control freak and a drag to be around you're the a-hole and I hope your girlfriend drops your crybaby controlling insecure ass grow up and stop worrying about what other people think not that anyone would give a crap anyway for real this is about him he wants to show off his girlfriend he wants her to dress like a girl you're the a-hole is this even real it's 2020 wearing pants to a wedding is hardly a feminist statement this sounds like the premise of an extremely dated sitcom way even decades ago the man was found to be in the wrong pants and jumpsuits can be formal you can't control what your girlfriend wears what's even more funny and ironic is that this guy literally googled wedding guests jumpsuit and this came up which should indicate to him that it's normal wedding attire it came up in a search for weddings his head is so far up his ass g'day there guys it's rosie hubby Marquis back at it again with another a ITA video now with that said I want you to sit back relax Chuck a corn on the barbie and get ready to tell me who you think is in the wrong in these situations down in the comments now al first post is by user throwaway with a lot of numbers mi the a-hole for not telling my boyfriend that I don't have a breast I am honestly heartbroken right now I 24 female I'm a breast cancer survivor I have had my left breast removed and there's just a scar there now when I go out to I wear a silicon padding on my left breast otherwise it looks very odd and makes me self-conscious my boyfriend's 23 male and I have been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years we had met a couple of times but we just enjoyed each other's company he knows I'm a cancer survivor but doesn't know about my breast I decided to move in with him about a month ago then we tried to have sex I said tried because the moment he laid eyes on my breasts his face went white and he refused to touch me further he said I had cheated him and that I should have told him earlier about my breasts I told him I didn't think it was important since he said he loves all of me and he thought I was beautiful I am honestly so conflicted right now and I feel like a horrible person a ITA for not telling my boyfriends that I don't have a breast edits had a talk with him he says he can't be with me anymore he didn't know I was lacking a breast because I looked fine at my pictures thank you for your help everyone edits to those people who think this post is fake would you like to see my scar please be more sensitive before making claims here's the thing you're a cancer survivor and devalue your privacy about losing your breasts but you're the a-hole when you have a three-year long distance relationship with someone and don't share that one critical piece of information about who you are - you're planning on moving in with him he's going to see you without your prosthesis for the first time and you still don't tell him surprise yes he says he loves all of you but you didn't share all of you with him when he said that you lied about who you really are and now upset because he caught you in your lie I don't know if you can recover that relationship but good luck to you if you try yeah that's an incredibly long time to withhold that's then drop it on him as you're readying for the inaugural sexy time yes but he also sucks everyone sucks here that's a straight-up crappy and shallow reaction and sounds very much like it wasn't the lying by omission that he hated rather that he sees her as disfigured which a straight-up crappy attitude so if you were him in that situation you'd be totally perfect right like you wouldn't show surprise or anything you wouldn't even flinch you'd be like she neglected to tell me a critical thing even though she had plenty of time cool sexy time now writes there's a difference between flinching and breaking up with someone breaking up with someone for withholding the information for three years sounds reasonable to me long-distance relationships rely solely on communication and it's her responsibility to relay in fair to her significant other I can't bring myself to say you're the a-hole I certainly don't think you're a jerk but I do think you should have told him before hands probably long before because a it would be a surprise for anyone and it doesn't do you any good to spring that surprise on him in the moment and be if he's an ass about it wouldn't you rather know that sooner than later I'm sorry things didn't go well for you unexposed is myuser god firsts titles am I the a-hole for not taking my girlfriend's side over a sexist tradition at a restaurant I mail 26m a second-generation French immigrants to the US I speak French and most of my family lives in France so I try to make a trip back to France once or twice a year I have been dating an American girl female 26 for two years now my girlfriend does not speak French at all the actual events in question happened this winter I usually go to France around Christmastime the most recent Christmas my girlfriend wanted to come with me I said sure and she had never been to France before and we'd been dating almost two years sir it sounds reasonable my family comes from the southwest but I also have family in Paris so he stopped in Paris first my girlfriend wanted to eat at a fancy French restaurant while we were there something with Michelin stars expensive but not really a problem since I make pretty good money we made a reservation for a good restaurant not the best but still good we had to make it months in advance because it's a restaurant that's high in demand as a very upscale restaurant there was also a dress code and things like that we showed up and everything was fine at first they took our coats we sat down the restaurant was beautiful etc the waiter then gave us our menu I had to do all the communication as my girlfriend doesn't speak French I was showing my girlfriend something on my menu and she noticed that mine had prices and hers didn't I had completely forgotten about this tradition because it's just not common at all in the US she asked me why mine had prices but not hers I explained to her that it was just a tradition in many upscale French restaurants she called it sexist and said it was ridiculous I told her that it's just the way it was in these kinds of places and that we shouldn't have come here if she was upset by this she wanted me to ask for a menu with prices for her I refused because we already had the prices and I didn't want to make a scene she demanded that I confront - waiter about it or she would walk outs I called her Bluff and she ended up staying but didn't talk to me for the whole meal which was delicious by the way we've been back home for several months but she keeps bringing it up I'm honestly considering ending the relationship over this because she will not stop talking about it she's keeps accusing me of being sexist I'm not and has been making ridiculous comparisons am i the a-hole you're the a-hole all you had to do was say sir my companion would appreciate a menu that includes the price list it seems unlikely that this would cause a scene he's a waiter responsible for customer service it may be tradition but I highly doubt it's restaurant policy to refuse to share their prices with their female clientele I'm confused as to why she couldn't ask for the menu herself did she think that was a man's job probably because she doesn't speak French Jesus you're the a-hole she felt discriminated and you did not support her and failed her as a partner tradition does not make misogyny Rek these restaurants should adapt themselves to modern society not the other way around this but I also feel like it's just unfair on both sides expecting men to pay and expecting that women can't or won't pay most sexism is like that it hurts everyone there was a post I believe yesterday about a woman getting upset because her in-laws family would make the women wait until the men were done eating and literally the food would be cold by the time they sat down I'm not sure how that tradition would hurt any of the men I mean men who actually like their partners / sisters / female friends might miss getting to have a celebratory meal with them I hate going somewhere with a man and then getting split up from him because the women and men are expected to hang out separately I think a lot of sexism that doesn't have an obvious negative impact on men he is negative for them in this way if you assume women are actually valuable and desirable people to have in your life all tradition that prevents women from equal participation prevent men from having as close or meaningful of a connection to have of the population I guess I just like to think of myself as worthwhile company firm the men at the table would miss if I wasn't there and I think I am our next post is by user secret room a ITA titled a my the a hole for not telling my fiancee about a secret room in our apartments I recognize the title sounds a little ridiculous the situation is less sir I was very fortunate to be in a position to buy an apartment straight out of college it was a weird unit on a high floor of a weird building but I've got renovated it and made it really nice one aspect of my home was created to just fulfill a childhood fantasy a secret room it's simple a flush-mount bookcase put in the doorway it leads to what would otherwise be a windowless very large closets or a very small room I made it into a cute secret lair / reading nook but with no windows it never got used ended up being more long-term storage I never told anyone about it because it was a secret room I kind of figured at one point I'd tell my girlfriend Emma but I didn't want to tell her I had it until I had a reason to I had finished it shortly before meeting her I figured maybe one day if we had a kids I could remove the bookcase and bam we would have plenty of space to put in a changing table setup or a craft nook for her but I largely forgot about it except when I needed to pull something out from back there which is rare fast-forward to yesterday Emer is now my fiance has been living with me in my now our apartment for eight months during this time I've kept the secret room a secret hahaha it's not like I was thinking about it all the time I only consciously did something sneaky maybe three times since she's moved in to get Christmas lights a spare coffeemaker and to put away a novelty items she probably thought I threw out and the reason I was sneaky at those times was because again I didn't want to waste the surprise on Christmas lights we've both been working from home lately and we aren't really able to leave very often due to circumstances and she jokingly announced we needed a new room to shake things up from her normal commutes bedroom to living room so of course I excitedly pulled open our built-in bookshelf and showed her our room and she flipped out she is furious at me she sees me keeping this secret as a major betrayal of trust given that this is her home she's acting like I cheated on her I tried to explain I was waiting for a special moments but she thinks that makes it worse I have no idea if she's being unreasonable or if I am am I the a-hole here not the a-hole it's a closet not another woman literally this not sure if you understand what's happened there RP has just revealed that there is a secret closet of sorts they were in and come out from time to time so RP has been going to Narnia and not letting his fiance enjoy secret winter which turkish delights I would be so gutted in the same situation I couldn't help but laugh I understand the Batcave mentality as I am also a guy but I think it's probably come off as a more ax-murderer vibe I want to say not the a-hole but logically everyone sucks here it's your place so what if you have a secret room it's your secret room but you should also have told her about it's after being with her for so long maybe a week after she moves in not telling her is like you don't trust it with your secrets which is a bad thing I suppose everyone sucks here she overreacted but this is her home and has been there for eight months and you had a secret room hidden from her I might have voted differently if you hadn't waited so long but seriously this is a screwed up secret to keep and I'd be wondering what else you're keeping from me I have to ask what is so screwed up about this it's a small room in her apartment that she owns if your relationship is fragile enough to crumble over the discovery of a secret storage closets then what the hell are you doing I mean it's their apartments it's not like he moved in and made it without remembering her permission all right our next post is my user sure throw away titled am I the a-hole for using home security cameras to expose my girlfriend's gaslighting my girlfriend and 25 female and die 25 male have been dating the past five years since college after graduation we were semi long-distance living close enough that we alternatively visited almost every weekends in 2018 and got a job in my City and we found a place and moved in together now's a good time to mention these security cameras in our house break-ins are unfortunately common where we live we thus got some motion activated cameras one of which has a view of our kitchen to monitor the back door the cameras only record when there's motion so they can retain footage for a very long time and of course knows this about a year ago and started complaining I wasn't contributing equally to chores I've been obsessive about chores my whole life growing up not doing the dishes meant no video games for a week when I lived with roommates I was always the chore Nazi making sure we all struck to our chore wheel and as just as fastidious about chores so we naturally alternated who did once I just been brushing her remarks off but over the last few months they've become much more aggressive eg I was vacuuming and Anne said look at you finally cleaning up around here I replied that we alternated vacuuming to which she retorted no you vacuumed maybe twice since I moved in exchanges like this have been happening so frequently that I began to doubt my own recollection am I not as clean as I thought once finally she exploded at me last week she said that having to stay home constantly over the past weeks exposed how little I do around the house and that she didn't move in just to be my maid questioning my own sanity I spent a few hours going through the entire 1.5 year archive of security camera footage and tallied the exact number of times the kitchen camp caught each of us doing dishes our cleaning suppliers vacuum mop etc are in the kitchen pantry sir I also tallied up how many times we cramped cleaning stuff to my vindication the tally showed that we indeed split chores equally she vacuumed and mopped around five more times than I did I did dishes around 20 more times than she did given the we vacuum and mop at least once a week and do dishes at least every day these are insignificant differences over the year and a half that we've lived together when I confronted n she shrugged off her behavior as remembering things differently but the real sin here was what I did which she called an unforgivable violation of her privacy akin to abusive stalking she has broken up with me and is trying to move out although obviously this is difficult to to current circumstances I am totally heartbroken and was in love of my life and I can't believe she destroyed our relationship like this to make matters worse she told many of our friends who are mostly siding with her they've been texting me what I did was creepy abusive controlling invasive etc I'm at a loss I'm beginning to think I'm the one who's off-base here edits some people thought I vacuumed five times more and she dishes 20 times more i clarified the wedding that it was literally five more times and 20 more times total over one and a half years not the a-hole she has been accusing you of not pulling your weights and you pulled hard proof that you were she knew about the cameras so it's not an invasion of privacy I would argue and honestly it sounds like you'll need some time to get over her but it's for the best not the a-hole I was going to say almost exactly this but it's been said here and more eloquently so count this twice she talked cramp you proved her wrong and that's that honestly it was never about the choice I'm more sorry to say it's RP but it reads to me like she was already feeling done in the relationship and that's why she was getting mad about the choice you know how when you're mad at someone everything they do annoys you her perspective of dissatisfaction made her see you in a light that was untrue and looking at the cameras was not wrong so you're not the a-hole she was looking for a reason to get out and she jumped on that one sorry to hear about all of this I hope you find someone who appreciates what a great partner you are came here to say this she was trying to grenade the relationship probably been looking for a way to make Opie feel like it was his fault for a while screw her and her friends not the a-hole you didn't do anything wrong I think she's been wanting to break up for a while and she just used this as an excuse many people will do this so they won't look like the bad guy anyone supporting her should go pound pavements thanks I'm beginning to accept that you're right it's just hard to come to grips with this because throughout a hot relationship we literally never thought about anything else literally never fighting about anything is not really healthy or a sign of a healthy relationship it's logical no two people naturally agree on everything and you'll never find a roommate or partner who never does anything you find annoying so if your partner never ever brings up any conflict to you they're hiding or swallowing the conflict for some reason maybe they're terrified of conflicts something like that issues from their past but everyone has a breaking points no one can just shut up forever and no one should have to this is why learning to have small fights about small things or sometimes even big ones while still loving each other at the end of the day is a skill that will keep a relationship healthy and growing so eventually someone either blows sky-high or just goes sour on the relationship and looks elsewhere what you did wasn't wrong but it was open to a bad interpretation she took that bad interpretation and ran with it to all her friends it seems that she went sour on the relationship for some reason probably not something you did possibly past issues of her own but when you feel ready to start over with someone you try to learn to argue disagree and even fight a little in a healthy manner accept conflict from your partner without freaking out and trying to dish it out without freaking out either you need that with someone you love so that neither of you feels smothered or silenced and ope says this is exactly the sort of insight I really need right now thanks so much there's honestly probably another 10 minutes of stuff to go through heal but I feel like we've reached our limit with comments right now oh my god I'm just looking that first comment was by real steve-o and blessed thank you for the good advice steve-o and bless up writer our next one is by user-pc am I the a-hole titled am I the a-hole for not making my son share his gaming PC I am 45 female and my husband 50 male has a 16 year old son he's a good kid good grades respectful does his chores etc last summer my son said that he wanted a new computer to his credits he got a part-time job and saved up for it and built a pretty nice gaming PC we're really proud of him as he saved for it for nearly all summer my sister and her husband have recently moved in with us they have a nine-year-old son my sister has a history of I don't know how to put it being entitled huh she thinks her kid can do no wrong and spoils her kid well when they came over my nephew noticed my son's PC he asked if he can play on it my son said not now that was the end of it for a couple of days and again my nephew wanted to play on us I asked my son if he minded sharing he said he would rather not since his expensive and doesn't want it to break this has caused a big argument my sister says it's extremely unfair to my nephew because he doesn't have a system to play on just his iPad so my son should have to share I told her it's his PC not mine he paid for it so it's up to him she then accused me of being a spineless parent and I said I'm not but I'm not going to force my son to share it his own computer my nephew ended up having a huge fit which she then blamed me for his fits but gave him three more hours of iPad time to quiet down it's been four days and my sister hasn't brought it up directly again just being passive-aggressive while on the one hand I don't want to make my kids share but because it's his computer he save up for it and I don't feel it would be the right thing to do to force my kid to share on the other hand I do feel kind of bad for my nephew am I the a-hole edits I went to bed with probably less than a hundred comments and now my inbox is 1,500 full there is no way I can read them all so thank you to everyone and I have an update I showed my sister this post and I guess it was a bad idea in hindsight she was ticked and screamed at me and my son my husband told her to get the hell out dude read it's tearing families apart anabolic beard says this is the main point it's not your computer so you have no say in who uses it your son paid for it's your sister and her kids sound like entitled brats not the a-hole for not giving in yeah that was my thought process it's not mine jumping in here to say you should make sure your son protects his computer when he is not using it both physically and with a password I would not put it past two a sister or her son to borrow its if your son is not around or damaged it because we can't use it one can you know not the a-hole please don't force your child to share his own belongings especially your computer which is kind of a personal thing just to satisfy someone else's bratty child's I don't plan on it I don't feel like it's my rights I know a lot of parents say their kids don't own anything but I think he does since he bought it so I don't think I really have the right to force him to share good on you IP those parents are in fact very wrong while you are right parents who think their children have no possessions make me so mad how can you ever expect them to want to work for anything if it can never be there's not the a hole and thank you for not being one of these if he's under 18 he doesn't own anything parents thanks that means a lot I know when I was his age my parents were super strict I take this to heart and try to be fair in my parenting without letting him run wild he's a good kid so it seems to be working I especially love how they rewarded the brat with screen time on the iPad for having a tantrum yet she calls Opie the spineless one loll sis can't even stand up to a 9 year old also not the a hole not the a hole oh my god her kid only has an iPad the poor thing however will he survive your kid is an adult he doesn't have to share anything that he doesn't want to even if he wasn't in adults it's his computer and you can't make him you asked he said no she can die mad about it or he isn't an adult he's 16 I misread but my answer is still the same it's his it's an expensive personal item not a pile of Legos y'all the Lego Death Star's like 800 bucks I wouldn't let the nine-year-old play with that either law 16 is old enough for legal consent in some countries including first world countries like New Zealand and Australia by the way while your son may still legally be a child it's good that you're starting to treat him like in adults the idea of a 16 year old being forced to share something they worked and paid for is abhorrent great job parenting keep it up in years to come I would also be giving my sister a good talking-to if I were in your shoes how dare she demand things while she is at your house am I the a-hole for renaming my sons to gay bigs two names that I prefer over names he chose for them my son is 10 one year ago he asked for a pet guinea pig we have a large garden so I agreed but only with some terms I would cover the upkeep of food bedding and Pig treats and toys he would have to save up half the money for a large hunch and I would pay for a large outdoor run he agreed and did his chores and for his birthday I paid for two guinea pigs from a local seller my son named the guinea pigs pudding and candy within days of buying them my son lost interest he refused to feed them refused to clean them and refused to move they run around the garden so they were on fresh grass I want him multiple times that I would take possession of the pigs as my errand I discussed with my husband before we got them that I would quite enjoy having them in the garden as I had guinea pigs growing up and always adored them so after a few months of doing 100% of the work myself I renamed the guinea pigs Gerald and roach when my son was in the garden playing he heard me calling them to get into their pen I moved them from the outdoor run and pen to the indoor shed pen at night he threw an absolutely huge tantrum and demanded I changed the names back I said if he began looking after them like he was supposed to that he could change the names back he continued to sulk and moan but eventually agreed on these terms it's been a week since that tantrum and he hasn't been near them since he soaks every day about the names but refuses to help my husband has told me to just change the names back and let it go but I prefer those names and seeing as I'm doing all the work and I see them as my pets now not as my son's why shouldn't I I will gladly rethink this situation if I am wrong or missing the points but I just don't think my husband's point is very fair my son needs more discipline already as he seems to be so demanding and sulky lately am I the a-hole yeah I was all set to call you an a-hole but you're actually just parenting this is a good way to Jim that there are consequences for being irresponsible without him having to fall off something and hurt himself like the rest of us not the a-hole and besides there objectively : Eames thank you I do feel really bad but he's putting in absolutely zero effort into changing things well then he'll learn that things stayed the same if you don't try to change them two lessons for the price of one one lesson per guinea pig top parenting thank you I was going to give you your the a-hole but after I read through not the a-hole it's parenting and teaching a lesson of consequences and especially for the names Geraldton Roach pleading you the next will be Tris or ciri if there will be any more guinea pigs not the a-hole this is actually the most responsible and reasonable reaction I've seen to the classic issue of a kid not caring for the pet he begged for I'm so glad that you made sure that you would be happy having the guinea pigs yourself before you got them thank you so so much for not giving away the piggies to teach him a lesson which is such a common and awful response I think this is perfect the piggies are happy you are happy and your son is getting a mild but clearly felt reminder that if you don't care for your pet it's not really your pet totally appropriate and his lack of work and presence of Tantrums isn't a sign that this is unreasonable it's a sign that he is a kid and he's trying to find an easy way out where he gets to call them his but doesn't do the work hold the line be patient and calm and explained that he really needs to do work if he wants them to be his not for your sake but for theirs being a pet owner isn't about a possession it's about a relationship and that needs to happen every day this was a very kind response thank you I see it all the time around here people on Facebook giving away guinea pigs and rabbits they bought on a whim kept in tiny cages that are almost meant only for transportation and then asking people to take them away on Facebook or dumping them and it's heartbreaking I got them with the backup intent of their care falling to me and secretly wanting pigs again since I was a kid but I do need to be more firm with my son he's getting hard to handle an ex post is by fiery dead titled am I the a-hole for missing the birth of my first child so a man could spend time with her dying grandfather this is a horrible situation and I need to know if my wife is justified my wife gave birth to our first baby three days ago we've had a rough few years with two miscarriages and a stillbirth at 37 weeks so my wife was terrified this whole pregnancy I am a firefighter and was on duty when my wife went into labor her doctor said that it would likely be a little while so I decided to stay at the base for a little longer because it is about mayhem and whenever enough people anyway then one of my mates gets a call that her grandfather had a heart attack and will probably not make it obviously she was devastated things got really hectic we got called out to another fire and now captain said one of us could go but not both I told my colleague not to worry she should go and spend time with her grandfather since it will be her last chance so I had to go out and mist out of the birth of my child I got there two hours after my girl was born I felt horrible and apologized profusely to my wife but she just yelled at me said I let her down in the scariest moment of her life and then told me to leave so I left and waited in the hallway it's been three days and she refuses to say anything apart from the bare minimum related to the baby they can leave tomorrow and she's informed me that she was going to stay with her sister who recently had a baby - until she knows what to do about our relationship or what's left of it I understand that it must have been scary for her but my reasoning is that only one of us could leave and I will have a whole life to be with my child whereas my mates only had a few hours with her loved one left you're the a-hole your wife had is stillbirth at 37 weeks being in labor again would have been 10 times scarier for her compared to most and labor is terrifying already to anyone you chose your friend over her when she needed you more than probably she ever had I just had a baby after a miscarriage and I absolutely would not have been able to get through it without my husband there with me this is an incredibly sad situation but the wife is justified in her feelings me too mine was at seven weeks and I was scared until my baby was in my arms I can't imagine what it would be like with the stillborn at 37 weeks IOP is a huge dick and I'm guessing this is the straw that broke the camel's back is this the hill you're willing to die on is it seriously worth throwing a relationship away to justify your actions stop making excuses and apologize grovel ask how to make it better and apologize more you left your wife alone in one of the scariest moments of her life she gave birth to a stillborn baby a baby she felt move and kick a baby she had to deliver you don't think that was on her mind every single second she was in labor did you think about the fear she faced at that moment only to be abandoned by you when she needed you you prioritize them mates over your wife and you're still trying to justify it you're so far beyond your the a-hole I don't even know what to call you she doesn't take you back you deserve it if she does take you back you darn well better be grateful that you have an amazing wife who loves you more than you can fathom she needed her partner her husband the father of her child and this is what she will remember and they posted an update on this one updates am I the a-hole for missing the birth of my first child so a mate could be with her dying grandfather lots of you wanted an update on my last post it's nothing spectacular so don't get your hopes up too much many of you said how it wasn't about being there for the baby but I should have been there for my wife you were absolutely right I acknowledged by mistakes and apologized to my wife I suggested we get therapy and she agreed we're all back home together now and have been for a while things are good for us and we're happy with our little family for those of you who suspected that I cheated with my workmates you were wrong I may have been an [ __ ] and how I dealt with my wife giving birth but I would never cheat I love my wife very much and I'm happy she's given me another chance and intend on being the best husband and dad that my family could wish for I hadn't seen your original post but have just read it now and wow I'm glad that you guys went through therapy and consider yourself extremely lucky that your wife has forgiven you or at least says she has I agree with the overwhelming you're the a-hole verdict in the original post as you made the situation about you spending time with your child rather than being with your wife in the scariest moments of her entire life I hope that you have been able to do a lot of self-reflection since then you can't change the past but you can change your behavior for the future rent it to my husband he didn't even pause before saying wife is an a-hole and he was being selfless guess I should never get pregnant unexposed his by physicians and yarn titled would I be the a-hole if I sent a Bible verse to my church's group chats recently my church has started a new initiative wearing the encourage members to do one good deed a week absolutely fine nothing wrong with that at all however they are also encouraging members to take photos / post online / tell people of their good deeds this in my mind goes directly against what the Bible says the specific verse I'm thinking of is Matthew 6:1 be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them if you do you will have no reward from your father in heaven NIV which I take to mean two good deeds but not so you can show off about them because it's good to do good things treat people well take care of them etc but don't then showcase how amazing you are for doing them so would I be the [ __ ] if I sent that particular verse to the same church group chats where people are showing off their church sanctioned one good deed a week not the a-hole religious hypocrisy is gross fair warning though you may want to soften it with a little intro like hey everyone so glad we're doing these wonderful things for the community but I'm uncomfortable with how we are advertising the good works on your media insert Bible verse I'm not saying that because I think religious hypocrites deserve coddling but because religious hypocrites tend to be very sensitive when cold outs and if this is a primary social group for you that you want to keep tread lightly also Matthew 6-3 says but when you give to the needy do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing charitable acts should never be used for your own fame and benefits looking at you tick tock that is part of the full quote from ope the part in the middle is just as powerful one be careful not to practice your righteousness in front of others to be seen by them if you do you will have no reward from your father in heaven - so when you'd give to the needy do not announce it with trumpets as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and on the streets to be honored by others truly I tell you they have received their reward in full 3 but when you do give to the needy do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing and dead before dessert says you're the a-hole sending them that particular Bible verse would be doing exactly what you're accusing them of doing look how righteous I am at least they're being righteous over good deeds you're being righteous over being righteous about righteousness or something I disagree the fact that Opie has posted here to ask reddit's opinion on the matter to me shows that she is truly genuine someone who was consciously or subconsciously trying to make themselves look good wouldn't have come to read it first for advice she would have just posted the verse I think Opie is genuinely and is actually concerned about being good for the sake of being good and not for admiration I actually went the other way here some people genuinely post here for moral advice but other posts are looking for reassurance or praise having already decided that they're not the a-hole and then become defensive when the comments disagree if Opie is trying to relish an admiration then posting here would be more evidence that she's vain and just wanted to let everyone know how righteous she is being I agree it can go both ways but I think the fact that she posted here can also be interpreted work both ways itself and that dead before dessert replaced the original comments well and I disagree with you and your logic and that's totally okay we're allowed to disagree and it's probably better for ope to hear different opinions and arguments and then use them to form their own opinion I honestly do think that FOP is truly genuinely concerned they would have gone first to someone in their church community and talked it over first a clergyman past our spiritual advisor or even just a friend who's generally got their head screwed on straight spiritually speaking like don't ask a bunch of Reddit randos go to someone who you trust who is going to be able to provide you with some community specific guidance our next post is by deleted user titles Emma the a-hole for not wanting a relationship with my parents now that they've cut me off I'm a student my parents make enough money that when I went through student finance to get my maintenance loan I was told I could only get the minimum just over three thousand dollars a year because finance is calculated from what your parents earn and there's an assumption that your parents will help you out I'm on a high-intensity course and I wasn't sure how I'd be able to balance studying and schooling so when I found out I was going to get the minimum I told my parents I wanted to either take the year coming to save up and then go to my first choice University a year later than planned or go to my second choice now because I wouldn't be able to afford to live in the city my first choices in my parents then said that they would pay my rent if I went to my first choice on schedule they set me up in a studio flat so all I had to do was get a part-time job to cover the cost of my food and Bill's on the 18th of February my 20th birthday they called me and said that I was relying on them too much and needed to find out what the real world was like by earning my earned money so they would cover the rent and fern for that month so until the end of February and after that I was on my own then said that they were still my parents and they loved me and wanted me to stay in touch just learn some independence while doing this I begged them to reconsider but they ended the call sir I had 11 days notice the I would have no flat or phone I begged my University for emergency housing but they said that I had no proof I'd been cut off so they couldn't do anything I emailed my parents asking them to write a letter stating that they had cut me off sir I could sort my student finance and emergency housing they said no I asked work if I could take on more hours and was told that due to my contract I can't do any more than I'm already doing sir I'm now looking for a second job I'm sleeping on a friend's sofa until a place I can afford opens up and as I still don't have proof I've been cut off for Student Finance I will probably have to drop out this summer I got a message on facebook from one of them today telling me that they were disappointed I didn't call on my mom's birthday a couple days ago and that I've not given them my new phone number yet I responded telling them the position I'm currently in and that I no longer want a relationship with them I've gotten a bunch of messages from them and my brother's asking me to reconsider my friend says I shouldn't feel bad but I feel incredibly guilty and like a spoiled brat because I don't love my family for their money I love them because they're my family but at the same time they've really screwed me over am I the a-hole for not wanting a relationship with them updates I messaged them asking why they cut me off saying the least they could do was explain why they're fine leaving me homeless they responded my friend the one I'm staying with isn't out-and-proud lesbian there are maybe two posts about me on her social media one being a group shot of us and some people we were studying with in the library with me in her sat together and another from a couple days before my birthday while she posted a photo of me when we were at to lunch because we weren't planning on seeing each other on my actual birthday and in the caption she refers to me as princess in a clearly joking way my brothers then showed our parents and told them I was a lesbian and she was my girlfriends so now I have proof that they cut me off proof that they're homophobic and Confirmation that they can and will switch on me at the drop of a hat as well as proof of my brothers who are older than me and living with our parents being jealous crap head they didn't just tell me this on the phone because they hoped I'd figure it out which is tricky and this little asterisk there they did say given that it's not fudging true but hey apparently there's enough affection still there for them to expect a call on my mum's birthday but not enough to not totally freak me over so yeah never talking to them again any of them I've sent the screenshots to the person I spoke to an emergency housing though I've been warned that for something called emergency housing it's not very fast my friend has said I can stay with her as long as I need the reply my parents sent hasn't explicitly said the phrase we cut you off because but given the context of them replying to my message asking why it should be enough thanks everyone I felt really crappy cutting them off over finances but now I know they're pure fudging evil I don't feel so bad I've also sent my parents the screenshots of my brother confirming that he and my brother lied about me and they are very apologetic but that doesn't change anything as my brother's live with my parents I hope they're all very happy together right now new plan changing the focus of my studies going into third year to focus on the subjects I want to do not the ones my parents wanted me to do if I do this I have a far better shot at getting a work placement it's far less popular than my current field of study and if I get a work placement I can spend my third year working full-time earning a bit of cash and then resume my studies the following year failing this and if I can't get any help from the university or Student Finance then I will defer my third year and work full-time for a year my friend says I can stay with her as long as I need and has said if I can't get emergency housing but can sort out my placement or another job then we could get a place together next year so I have a confirmed roommate I no longer think I'm the a-hole so I'll probably be taking this down and the asterisk about whether she's lesbian or not so here's the thing I might not be straight I'm figuring it out and I don't really have the capacity to go through it right now but I've never said anything to anyone at all ever because I knew my parents are homophobic so my brothers may have thought that they were lying but they also may have been inadvertently correct and I have to say being correct by accidents is very typical of them and sings Scott lawyer says not the a-hole your parents royally screwed you over here you had two separate plans to be able to afford to go to university yourself and they said if you went to your first choice they would help you out to then cut you off with very little warning is completely unfair I don't blame you for not wanting a relationship with them after they've put you in this position also refusing to help ope prove the need for financial aid and housing so RP can be independent as they want is so absurd I can't even understand why they do that it's obvious isn't it they know what they're doing is wrong and don't want to admit to being really crappy to anyone they are the same type of people who would send their kid away for being gay or pregnant outside of wedlock to make sure that their reputation was pristine they're probably claiming open schooling on their income tax if they acknowledge in writing that o P is no longer their dependent they say bye-bye to that write-off and there is an update to that last post recap on my first post my parents cut me off financially with ten days nerdist and bs reasoning they had offered to pay my rent throughout university so I had ten days to find a new place to live I ended up sleeping on my friend's so far about six weeks of no contact later they called me asking me why I hadn't called to wish my mom a happy birthday I wanted to know if I was the a-hole for not wanting anything to do with them given the way they cut me off and it later came out that the reason they cut me off is that my older brothers told them I'm a lesbian which I might be still figuring that out but my brothers didn't know that I sent my parents proof my brothers lied and they apologized but I've not forgiven them and probably won't ever I had applied for emergency housing and a full student finance loan but as I couldn't prove my parents cut me off the services I had to go through said they couldn't help me I was also looking into a work placement as my course offers them and they pay a decent amount so here's how everything has shaped up I won't be getting emergency housing from uni I've not heard anything and there's less than a month left before summer so I would be shocked if I got it at this stage I'm still living with my friend and she got me a job at her workplace but refuses to take any rent off me so I've been repaying her by sneakily buying food and cooking her dinners as I get home before her we have plans to move in together this summer ready for next year my parents have done a complete 180 and now want me to forgive them so badly that they're still refusing to sign a letter showing they've cut me off so I'm still screwed with Student Finance my parents have also offered me my truck back so me my roommates and two more friends will be going to my parents house sometime soon to collect my truck and some things from my room my tutor has written a letter for me for Student Finance which they might accept but I'm waiting to hear back my course changes were approved surrett I'm now doing what I want not what my parents want and it looks like I got my work placements so I'll either be good working and studying part-time for two years or working all next year and finishing studies the year after either way I'll be adding in an extra year to my course but I get paid and get relevant experience in my field ultimately everything seems to have worked out as well as it could thanks to everyone who commented because a lot of you had great advice and thought of stuff that I didn't and I was truly concerned that I was in the wrong serve thanks for the reassurance - I will also be booking a session with the on-campus mental health professional because this has really shown a light on just how screwed up my family is thanks again and regards to the truck back this is a trap please be careful and don't expect to have your truck back good luck as the side notes if you fully earn the truck in title and they refuse to give it to you be prepared to take them to courts make sure they don't have a lien on the title if she legally earns the truck in title can't she just have an officer accompany her to the house so she can pick it up I don't know if going to court is even needed am I the a-hole for not cooking dinner as soon as my husband was home from work I've been laid off but my husband is still doing essential construction before everything happened our dinners 99 percent of the time would take out that one of us picked up on our way home from work now with the current situation we've decided that I would start cooking all dinners since I'm home all day and we need to save money ever since this started he has constantly been complaining about what time we eat dinner he gets home around 6:00 p.m. each day and almost every day the first thing out of his mouth is when's dinner which is really hurtful after I've been waiting for him to come home all day and spend time with me when he gets home from work I like to spend at least 30 to 45 minutes talking about our day since I get no special interaction until he's home and then I'll get up and start making dinner later he spends pretty much his entire time nagging me about what I'm gonna cook because he's been at work all day and he's starving I always tell him I'll make it soon but first I just want to relax and talk to him which he usually accepts but I can tell he's frustrated I don't understand why it's so hard for him to just spend some time with his wife when he gets home this past week it's gotten even worse to the point where he keeps just trying to bypass me and go to the kitchen to make his own food so he doesn't have to sit and talk with me first I told him that if he makes something himself I'm not even gonna bother with dinners at all anymore I don't know why I waste my time in energy planning and making meals for someone who was just going to be ungrateful and demanding he said he comes home from work hungry every day and just wants to be fed right away while I believe that beggars can't be choosers and he should be happy that he's getting a home-cooked meal at all when I grew up I wouldn't ever dare ask my parents to cook dinner on my schedule and I don't know how he was raised to be so entitled he told me that starting next week he's going to just start getting takeout for dinner every day again since he can't trust me to feed him which i think is a huge overreaction especially considering the whole point of me cooking was to save money on takeouts am i the a-hole or am i right that he is just acting entitled that's that's a tough one edits stop telling me to cook before he gets home he sometimes works late so he would just get a cold dinner and talking while I cook doesn't really work because it's hard to have a conversation while I'm working and moving around a kitchen well edit - please read my first edit before commenting I keep seeing people assuming I'm the jerk because I don't have dinner ready for 6:00 when he might not even be home then he works late sometimes final edits I just have to say I find most replies on this post to be incredibly sexist I'm now banned for not accepting my judgement so I can't reply any more but I hope one day you all find some more sympathy in your hearts and cubby G throu says you're the a-hole you aren't working and he is you made an agreement that as a result of this situation you're in you will be making dinners you want him to get home hungry at 6:00 talk to you for 30 to 45 minutes and then start making dinner starts which could mean another 30 minutes to an hour so basically asking him to wait until at least 7 to 7:30 to eat just because you want to sit in chats he comes home from working out in public on a job site and would like to eat which is reasonable how pleasant can talking to a very hungry person be if he had the meal ready at 6 when he got home you could converse over the meal you have the nerve to call him entitled for wanting to eat when he gets home from work on his schedule he's not entitled at all you agreed to do this to address your edits he is late sometimes that means the majority of the time he's there at or around 6 p.m. on the chance he is late he can text you or you can just reheat it's very easy to reheat meals to your final edits most of the replies are not sexist regardless of the sexes or genders of the spouses in this post the result is the same you're the a-hole all right so now next post is by doodly-doo dean ein turtles am I the a-hole for telling my mum to not have any more kids i-16 female live with my parents and 11 siblings I'm the fourth kid and the ages range from 20 to one we live in a four-bedroom house but it is so crammed with everyone in bunks and no privacy my parents also put most of the responsibility of the younger kids on us or they lay down and watch TV true they can have their breaks but they take them so often that I don't really get to be a teenager last night after my mom told me to put J plus a3 to bed I told her to do it herself as I need to study she said that it is my responsibility as an older child I lost my temper and told her that she can't take care of her twelve kids as it is and that she should give up her dream of 15 children because she's depriving the younger ones of a better life am I the a-hole TLDR mom has 12 kids and once 15 and I lost my temper and said that she couldn't have any more because she can't take care of all of them as it is not the a-hole her dream is only doable with you and the older kids acting his secondary parents you need to put your foot down and refuse to take on the role maybe then she will realize her dream is not only not doable but is affecting the quality of life of the kids she already has exactly we will never get to travel or take up a sports info you're 16 do you have a part-time job outside of the home I work part-time at McDonald's to save for college yeah hey go Opie see ya by the looks of things they're doing their best to get out of that home and it's going well for them now our next post is by acceptable nature 1mi the a-hole for letting my nephew call me mum so a while back my brother married a woman who had an 11 year-old son named Billy a year later my sister-in-law gave birth to a little girl two years later she gave birth to a boy Billy who was 14 by this time was treated like an outsider my sister-in-law and brother saw him as a burden who spoiled their picture-perfect family if you asked my sister-in-law how many kids she had she would say to Billy started acting outs he got involved with a bad group of kids and started getting into trouble he started failing all of his classes he eventually got into drugs and was suspended from school my brother and sister-in-law were fed up with him I asked my brother if Billy could spend the summer with me and my husband we have a hobby farm and I thought maybe getting away from his life for a while could help him some well they were more than happy to get rid of him my sister in law's words it was kind of rough the first few weeks he had a lot of anger issues but my husband kept his hand in mind busy doing work on the farm and we both made sure that he knew he was loved and wanted by August he was a totally different kid he wanted to keep living with us but my sister-in-law insisted that he come home after two months he went back to his old ways due to his parents indifference they ended up sending him back to us and he lived with us throughout high school he ended up being in a /b students and kept up with a really good group of kids he got involved in baseball and got a scholarship to a local university he's 22 now and is in his last year of school he's engaged to a really great girl when he was 16 he started calling me mom and he started calling my husband pops he never really had much to do with his mom and he had nothing to do with my brother he saw them on holidays when the hulky family came over his mom has tried to have a relationship with him in the past few years but he has avoided her on Christmas sister-in-law was over and for whatever reason she opened my desk drawer and found a birthday card from Billy where he said to the best mom ever thanks for loving me and giving me a chance she was devastated she ended up texting Billy confronted him and asked him if she would be presented as mother of the groom at his wedding he told her that he no longer considered her his mum and wasn't even sure if he wanted her at the wedding at all my sister-in-law is now insisting that I make it clear to Billy that I am NOT his mother and that he is not to refer to me as such my brother is also very upset with me even my parents are pressuring me to do what sister-in-law wants for the sake of peace honestly I consider Billy to be my son I count him in with all my children I feel like telling Billy not to present me as a mother of the groom could possibly be misinterpreted as me saying that I don't feel like he's my son and I don't even want to take a chance of that happening if he decides to present his real mom as mother of the groom I will 110 percent support him so am I the a-hole for not respecting my sister-in-law's wishes edited to add I have zero desire to tell Billy not to call me mum and I absolutely won't do it because I know it would destroy him and it would kill me my sister-in-law insists that by not doing it I'm making it impossible for her to have a relationship with him and I'm being selfish I've talked to Billy about it some he doesn't like to talk about his mom at all he basically just said that he doesn't see her as a mom and has for sure decided he doesn't want her at the wedding I understand and respect that also I just want to thank everyone who left such sweet comments I've been so choked up reading them after all not the a-hole she didn't even consider herself his mother you saved this kid from a lot of rough crap he probably would have gotten in too and if he sees you as his mom he should be allowed to call you that not the a-hole girl that's his son not the a-hole she may have been your mother boy but she wasn't your mama ha I don't know what movie that's from guardians of the galaxy - okay but I haven't watched it sorry guys not the a-hole Billy is 22 and clearly knows who he considers to be his parents he took him out of a bad situation and gave him a second chance and you did it twice as for the wedding does Billy have to present anyone as his mother if he wants to of course he should maybe he should also have an honest talk with his biological mother and your parents about how he was treated and why he considers you and your husband his parents Ryder guys our next post is buying throw away the bigger gift 5 there would I be the a-hole if I 24 mail stopped cooking for my 24 female girlfriends I've been with my girlfriend s for four years living together for two of the start of the relationship I knew she was a picky eater we would go to fancy restaurants and she would order the simplest things or the same things over and over it seemed weird to me but I didn't really care she can do whatever she wants I only realized how annoying this is when we moved in together now I on the other parts I'm the opposite I like to try new foods new tastes and get a better idea of food in general I also love cooking and have a culinary arts degree I wanted to become a chef but I didn't for other reasons so you can assume that I do almost all the cooking at home you can see where this is going only when I started cooking for s did I realize how much of a picky eater she is she hates almost everything even if she can't really taste it in the end product to give you some examples she hates cinnamon she hates garlic she hates any kind of spice clove nutmeg etc yesterday I was making a Spanish omelets and she complains when I added the tiniest pinch of thyme in there because of all the ingredients I put in there she is gonna taste a pinch of time I made a white chocolate mousse and she complained when I laid it with Oreos and strawberries because she apparently doesn't like Oreos no amount of zest can go into our food whether that be orange or lemon zest because it apparently tastes bitter she hates spicy food she only eats steaks or whatever well done if there's the tiniest amount of pink in there its raw I've destroyed so many good steaks in the past cooking them well-done I could go on about this she doesn't like but we'd be here all day last night she asked me to cook dinner but I refused when she asked why I explained that it's frustrating to cook for a person with the taste buds of a five-year-old and that she can order takeout from now on so reddits would I be the a-hole if I stopped cooking for her not the a-hole I'm not as picky as this but I'm a similarly picky eater I do my best to make my own meals even microwave meals when I can when i can'ts I'm relatively young my parents expect me to eat what they've made and I either pick around the stuff I'm not fond of or I just suck it up and skip it blows my mind that there are picky people who bring others down like that writer and our next post is by user account for throw two to three titles am I the a-hole for publicly revealing who my biological parents are on Facebook and kind of messing things up for them I was given up for adoption when I was a baby by my parents who were 19 years old due to reasons I was taken from my adoptive parents and put in foster care when I was 11 and remained in the system until I went to college when I turned 18 I was given my mother's contact information by someone I found out she was married to my biological father they had public profiles on Facebook and Instagram I ended up messaging my mother who never responded and then tried to message my father who basically replied saying that he's sorry but they would rather not have me in their lives that it took them a while to grieve over giving me up and that they don't want to go through all that pain again well at this point I got pretty ticked because I think it's kind of crappy they think they can prevent me from knowing the rest of my family I ended up messaging my grandmother my mother's mom who was actually happy to know me I met her in person and we really bonded I also have two younger siblings but I didn't contact them after what my father said well four months ago I saw my father's post with a picture of them at some church event and say my beautiful wife and our two amazing kids this was on their church Facebook page this is probably wrong but I replied with a comment saying don't you mean three kids I didn't really expect the amount of people responding to that as I did there were a bunch of people my parents knew that started asking questions I freaked out and deleted my comments uh on ROP doesn't know what they've done the can of worms a bit opened up then I started getting DMS from people including people I was related to later that day my grandmother made a post confirming I was a child given up for adoption so now I started making connections with some extended family and have been to a few family parties my parents have been told they aren't invited unless they can accept me which they haven't the whole drama has kind of messed up with their lives and business my parents are now apparently separated I don't really accept that as my fault am I the a-hole for doing what I did I almost don't want to read this comment and like skew what the community thoughts but I'm gonna do it anyway because it's Jesus this got uploaded and given sermon your woods yes you're the a-hole you intentionally disrespected their wishes I get it it sucks I was put up for adoption myself and even went through a failed adoption too but that doesn't mean you get a pass on crapping on their wishes like that that was pretty much the worst way you could have gone about things you could have quietly started reaching out to people who seemed related to them through private messages it isn't your fault that they seem to have separated but it is a total jerk mo of what you did you're the a-hole because of how you went about things not because you wanted to know your family edits you know I find it interesting how many people aren't considering how odd it is that literally no one in their family knew about the RP not even the maternal grandmother how so few people are thinking here how exactly did - 19 year old kids get pregnant and give a child up and even their parents didn't know what kind of relationship do they have with their families that they had to keep something like that as secrets why couldn't they depend on their family for support but no they roll how dare they not want a relationship with that child now and Congrats on finding a loving family where was this loving family when - 19 year old kids felt that the best option for their child was to give them up for adoption it's not easy to keep a full-term pregnancy a secret from family who actually cares about you so the fact that they did maybe there was a good reason for it and now I feel bad I feel like yeah the parents and the family probably were bad but we don't have any information so who knows all right an unexposed by spicy as it begins titled an away the a-hole for not letting my sister see her kids so I 28th female obtained custody of my sister's 35 female kids 9 male for female to female back in 2018 after she left them alone for two weeks to go on a trip red drug bender of course this was a huge transition for the kiddos they had to be moved schools and daycares and of course couldn't see their mom anymore now the kids are doing better and definitely lead happier lives recently though my sister was released from prison and wants to see the kids again she called me begging to have a visit with them and telling me that I could give them back because she was out of prison now I've had a talk with the nine-year-old and she says he doesn't want to see his mom yet and that he still hates her for leaving him alone the girls have no memories of her and the smallest one was only three months old the last time she saw her I do feel like I could have helped them foster a better relationship with her but I don't want to forced the oldest into meeting her when he absolutely doesn't want to still my close family has told me that the oldest doesn't know what he's talking about and it's my fault the little ones don't remember their mother because I didn't take them to see her when she was in prison they also told me that it's my responsibility to force them to meet her even when they don't want to because that's what's best for them and they shouldn't grow up without their mother so am I the a-hole edit I have spoken to a professional about this specifically the oldest therapist they have advised that I should be up to him I just want to know if I'm being a jerk to my sister also I have adopted the kids and have complete full custody of them not the a-hole I'm not a child psychologist but despite what your mother says it's possible that it could actually be bad for them to see their biological mum your sister but you are definitely not an a-hole not the a-hole I am a therapist who has worked with kids in CPS family reunification and permanent foster placement / adoption please listen to the oldest's therapist and your nephew he trusts you to keep him safe after all he has been through if he go against his wishes this could cause him and his sister's irreparable harm your family is invested in maintaining a family units nights making sure that these kids have the best care if there is any entitlement from their mum then she is not ready for a visit or anything if she is truly ready to make amends then she will wait for him to be ready and everyone's trust etc if she isn't ready to do the work or acknowledge the impact of her actions then no dice please protect them even if it means going against the rest of the family's wishes ata Wow didn't expect this to blow up my first Awards so honoured someone asked below what should open look for if Bayeux parents were serious about wanting to make things right they would respect oldest childs and opiez feelings / boundaries be willing to work with the oldest child's therapist if appropriate be willing to participate in supervised visitation if son willing be willing to participate in a recovery program not just starting try not using but really investing and participating in getting sober this would be a start again though the child has to be ready right er and unexposed is by a substantial horror zero am I the a-hole for telling my girlfriend she should find outfits like the ones my brother's girlfriend wears right come on my brother is almost two years younger than me but we are pretty close his girlfriend is his age and a nice person and she makes my bro happy there are absolutely no feelings towards her or weird intentions from me this argument between me and my girlfriend happened a while ago before quarantine when we were still able to see each other and she hasn't really brought it up since then and seems to be over it but I'm wondering if I was in the wrong because I still don't think I was at all and it's still bugging me so my girlfriend has nice taste and she has decent clothing but she doesn't really shop at any particular stores most of her clothes have from Amazon and rather randomly selected she used to wear a lot of tomboy kind of clothes like graphic shirts that were too big and baggy jeans but that's changed now because I called her out on it and I think she's able to find clothes that fit her better and kind of flatter her more for context she's kind of short and petite so finding clothes that can fit can be a challenge for her since most outfits marked as s or even XS tend to still be too big on her this is relevant because my brother's girlfriend is about the same size as my girlfriend I think my brother's girlfriends clothes look really nice and I've asked a few times where she got that outfits or where she buys her clothes from because I think they'd look good on the girlfriend that I'd say to my girlfriends hey you should shop at X store because that's where my brother's girlfriend gets her clothes in fact I'll take you there sometime I did this maybe a handful of times one time we were all at my house and I thought the pants that my brother's girlfriend was wearing looked nice so I asked where she got them and she said X store so I went to the living room when my girlfriend was and said basically what I wrote above this time she got kind of snappy and said I get it okay and I felt something was wrong so I asked her if she was upset and she couldn't really extreme to explain why she was annoyed she just told me that she'd felt like I didn't like how she dressed I tried to explain that I didn't feel that way at all but it didn't seem like she was buying it was I chuck my friends seemed pretty divided on the issue and its end to the people messaging me saying I must be gay for caring about clothes I think that says more about how you view your masculinity than it does about me you're the a-hole I'm just curious how many other things you want to change about your girlfriend before she will finally be the person you want to date off and our last one for today by Jem 711 8 titles am I the a-hole for not taking one of my three kids on holiday I have three kids 14 11 and 6 me and their dad divorced five years ago three years ago I met my current partner who is fantastic and the kids love we've bought a house and there's lots of happiness my ex was a narcissist the world owes him everything and his multiple affairs are while he splits when I met my current partner he kicked off and middle child went to live with him long story however not my choice lawyers Social Work etc couldn't do anything and if he was happy I was happy the ex has been disgruntled for years because I do have a good job house and happy relationship he's unemployed living with the woman he had the affairs with and her kids who he openly dislikes the only way he can get to me is the kids specifically middle one who hasn't been close to his dad as the other two don't entertain it middle child due to living with his dad is slowly turning into him I can't do right for doing wrong he is treated the same as the other two but due to being the king of the castle at his dad's this isn't good enough contact is ruled by an 11 year old even though I have court orders for access ex encourages him not to come and promises the world it's getting increasingly frustrating as I send the two others every week as agreed and the middle child is a no-show unless there's something in it for him eg a birthday Christmas and events where he'll get more here than he would at his dad's this weekend things came to a head when it was the oldest child's birthday and the middle one decided he would come for the day act horribly because it wasn't his day specifically and left early because the barbecue was over he made the others cry after he left I cried it's a horrible situation next year we've booked a holiday to Disney World Florida this is not a cheap holiday from the UK and likely a once-in-a-lifetime one for us all we booked for all three kids however due to the middle child's attitude not only with me but with my partner and the other two kids I'm considering not taking him it's not in any way that I don't want him to come but I don't want the holiday ruined for everyone because of his attitude and new self entitlements long story short would I be the a-hole if I don't take one of my three kids on the family holiday edits for info none of them know about the holiday yet we booked at the start of the year and plan on telling them at Christmas time mainly so we didn't have 18 months of being asked how long till the holiday his attitude has really flipped since February I've tried sitting him down and explaining he will be treated the same he agrees he has a good time here he's happy he'll but feels guilty leaving his dad after this chat i sat down with ex and explained how he's affecting middle child ex has now ramped up his [ __ ] arre and encouragement that the middle child can do what he wants with no consequences which isn't how I work I'm all for fair I don't speak badly about his dad I don't play games for him to want to come to see us I completely understand that it's his dad's doing but it's exhausting edits thank you for all the responses I've changed from Disneyland to Disneyworld apology is also a middle child sees a counselor through school as does oldest ex would not attend other counseling I arranged or take middle one this is something that's being addressed it's just harder currently due to lockdown as is the lawyer side of things once the country is up and running again I'll push a bit harder am I the a-hole for telling my autistic brother the truth when he asked me why women don't like him so I've got a younger brother 24 with Asperger's and he is very high-functioning albeit with his quirks recently I've moved back home during the stay at home orders to look after my parents my brother still lives with them I find out he's been trying to date in recent months and confessed it's been pretty unsuccessful for him he even got to go on a first date but his date literally got up and left after about a half an hour I know exactly the reason why and it's not flattering for one thing my parents coddled him since he was a kid because he was on the spectrum and was the only boy in our family my mom in particular always told him he was smarter and more advanced than everyone else who was neurotypical this has led to his belief today that he genuinely is smarter than everyone else especially women who he thinks are inherently irrational illogical people so I know how he interacts with women like me or his other sisters he tends to say very hurtful things first and when you get upset he will then say things like you're being irrational hysterical illogical I'm just being honest and you can't accept it this is like his catchphrase over the years and it drives us absolutely insane anyways when he asked me I basically said listen the truth is your way of talking to women can come across as extremely demeaning and borderline sexist and told him he acts like he can read every woman perfectly when he's pretty much always wrong this struck the wrong nerve with him and he laid a complaint to my parents that I attacked him over things he can't control now I'm in hot water for ruining his confidence and I feel both bad and kind of relieved at the same time this was the first time in my life that I told him how annoying his behavior is because growing up our mom always blamed us whenever he got upset but maybe I was too harsh am I the a-hole for telling him what I said not the a-hole he asked and you gave a reasonable answer it doesn't even sound like you were being unnecessarily harsh also it's kind of hilarious that he calls women irrational but he loses it after being told the truth I would stop coddling him his autism doesn't give him a free pass to be a jerk sorry bro I'm just being honest and you can't accept it stop being so hysterical unexposed is by catty Chabad titled am I the a-hole for telling my sister-in-law that she can't say her stillborn baby matters less than her living children as a background my sister-in-law had three living children before her stillbirth and then gave birth to another living child two years later her four earthside children have fairly common names like Emma Lauren Sophie and Andrew her stillborn daughter has a more unorthodox name something like solstice I have one son born sleeping and had several miscarriages I have no living children but I am a mom to a little boy up in heaven anyways and Christmas many of our family members got to meet their new baby for the first time the subject of how his name was chosen came up which led to my grandmother asking why their stillborn daughter had such an unusual name compared to their living children my sister-in-law explained that they gave their daughter a guilty pleasure name because it mattered less she said she wouldn't put her living children through the experience of having such an uncommon name but that it didn't matter when it came to their daughter because she didn't have a life to live with her name she even joked that she spent a quarter of the time picking out her daughter's name that they did choosing their other children's names because it just didn't matter and they could do whatever it hurt me to hear her say that I've spent six years feeling like I have no right to call myself a mother and feeling excluded from the Moms Club because my son died from circumstances beyond my control before I even got to hold him to have my sister-in-law who I have supported through each and every one of her pregnancies who I held and comforted through her stillbirth say that her child didn't matter because she wasn't alive that hurt it felt very intensely personal I was right across from her at the table and she said it with no remorse I don't care if it took her five minutes or five days to choose a name for her child's I care that she said it didn't matter I haven't said a word about it since then but I lost my job I've had too much time to think and I keep replaying the whole thing over and over in my mind I've been stewing about it I keep drawing away from her and I feel guilty so I called her and told her that I had been really hurt by what she said she was very callous immediately telling me to get over myself and not to tell her how to live her life I got very upset and told her she couldn't talk about a daughter like she mattered less and she just outright said she does matter less I just started to cry I hung up and my husband consoled me for a while but my brother called me to chew me saying I'd made his wife upset and she was already busy with their children and she didn't need to babysit me as well I've gotten texts and calls from half of the family most of them blaming me for not moving past my son's death my own mother told me it was time to start pursuing new family planning options and that I was taking my distress from my loss out on my sister-in-law reddit's am I the [ __ ] for telling my sister-in-law that she can't say that her child doesn't matter I'm gonna let you guys decide that one an ex post is by user grandparent question am i the a-hole for treating my two daughters pregnancies differently when my oldest told me she was pregnant she was still in college unemployed and the baby's father was refusing to be involved I was not thrilled but I provided all the help I could and took care of her I was having a health crisis at the time so I was very stressed out I love my grandchild but the birth didn't exactly happen in the happiest of circumstances my oldest daughter ended up back in a relationship with the baby's father and they are happy and stable now my youngest daughter announced her pregnancy a few months ago and the situation cannot be more different she's married to her husband who she's been with for several years they're both financially stable and the baby is clearly plans I have had zero stress dealing with my daughter's pregnancy this time and I've been generally happy about it I was unknowingly proving I was more excited this time around which I have since corrected I also planned a baby shower for my youngest which I didn't do for my oldest my oldest is furious I can imagine why but I feel she should understand how different the circumstances were she said some really hurtful things to me and has prevented me from seeing my grandchild even on the phone I have already apologized a few times but it hasn't made a difference my youngest is now having some pregnancy related health issues and we're feeling very scared I got a text from my oldest yesterday that if it were her having a health scare during her pregnancy I would have probably celebrated I broke down crying because I was so hurt am I wrong here not the a-hole based on your version of the differences between pregnancies I was like your oldest daughter and my sister was like your youngest while you and not the a-hole your oldest daughter is probably feeling hurt and somewhat jealous right now it can be hard to be the kids seen as the effed up even if you don't see your oldest that way she probably feels that way and watching how you've treated the youngest has exasperated its oldest could be handling it better but she is probably feeling a storm of emotions as well sister competition is lifelong and can be rough sometimes did you miss the part where Opie was having a health crisis at the time she wasn't physically mentally or even emotionally in a place to support a young daughter who got knocked up and she did it the best she could regardless of the circumstances Opie has her health back in two years of maturity now so her reaction to the second daughter's pregnancy which was a planned event is understandably different it sucks for the oldest daughter that she didn't get a baby shower or had to deal with being knocked up in college but she is being selfish for not reading all the context surrounding that pregnancy she's not the a-hole but the daughter is being unnecessarily cruel unexposed is myuser shaving Gator titled am I the a hole for shaming my girlfriend into shaving her legs throw away because my girl uses reddit and browses this sub somewhat often my male 22 girlfriend 23 of two years isn't exactly the hippy free spirit my hairy body is beautiful type but she definitely never developed the habit of shaving consistently she says it takes a long time she's very tall so that makes sense for her legs her skin is sensitive so she's prone to bad razor burn and she always manages to Knick herself and bleed alights she pretty much only shaves when the hair is physically irritating her skin it doesn't necessarily bother me because I love her for who she is but I do have a preference towards smooth silky skin who wouldn't right earlier this evening we were enjoying a shower together and she mentioned how she thought it was time to shave her her arms she said the hair was starting to get on her nerves and she wanted it gone once she finished that up she turned to her legs and said something along the lines of I think these are gonna be up next soon that hair is starting to bother me now too now her leg hair was long and even the lightness of the strands couldn't cover up how much the was there it was bad so a bit harshly and sarcastically I will admit I said yeah you think it's time to shave your legs how long has it been and she looked at me for a moment then started getting weepy hide so I asked her what the deal was and she said I thought it didn't bother you that I don't shave it hasn't been an issue this whole relationship and now I feel like I'm being shamed I explained to her what I explained above that I don't care that she doesn't shave but I still prefer touching smooth legs and underarms she remained pretty quiet so I started trying to coax her out of the shower so we could finish up and be done she refused saying that she was going to go ahead and shave her legs I just left the bathroom a whole loss half hour later she emerged presented her smooth thanks to me and has been sitting quietly since then right now I'm frustrated that she just spent 30 extra minutes making a point I'm frustrated that she's acting mad at me for agreeing that she should do something she already said she wanted to do and I just have to know if I should feel bad and say sorry or if I should just let her get her moping out and then move on every time I read stories like this I am amazed at how men who are supposed to be in love with their girlfriends still manage to prioritize their preference for a certain body type or certain grooming habits over their girlfriends own personal preferences and physical comforts even if you don't care about the trouble and pain shaving causes huh have you ever stopped to think that because her legs grow hair mean it's supposed to be there that it's natural that you shouldn't be such a spineless idiot and try to make her think that it's gross to have hair on her body good god I'm also pissed off by the she's acting mad dude she is mad and she has every right to be mad apologize to her and pray that she ever lets you touch her again you're the a-hole yikes he literally said I don't mind but and then told us how he told his girlfriend in the worst way possible making her feel bad and then proceeded with the worst kind of apology he could make thee I am sorry you feel that way but I am right and when she finally did what he whined about he was like she took so long and was still mad at me how dare she it's not like I shamed her into doing something that ends with her getting hurt each time but also with the extra hurt of what I said and he wonders why she's still mad at him it was like when your parents told you what you were wearing was horrible and made you change clothes and now you are uncomfortable in clothes they complained that you weren't smiling geez unexposed is by user jazz like sugar five titles am I the a-hole for telling my husband I hate his mentally disabled brother and that I will never form a relationship with him there's a lot going on here but I'll keep it as short as possible my husband and I live fairly close to his parents like 15 minutes away and his brother has severe intellectual disabilities and age 36 my husband is a doctor and with the pandemic we have decided to live apart for the time being so he doesn't have to worry about accidentally infecting me so now I've moved in with my in-laws and his brother I loved his in-laws like my own parents his brother however is another story he is disabled but he has an incredibly foul mouth and very offensive opinions that he's formed from years of surfing deep corners of the internet but he's disabled and is not all there sometimes so I do my best to help out and keep my mouth shut last Saturday I was going on a walk with him daily exercise when we were walking past the big grocery store parking lots we see a dad and son loading groceries into their car and my brother-in-law started yelling racial insults at them they were Asian I was horrified and I tried to pull him away but it was heartbreaking to see the look on the little boy's face and the exhausted / defeated expression on his dad's face as they drove away I was so angry that night that I called my husband and basically told him that I will rent a hotel room myself because I can't stand another minute in the same house as his brother it's been a week and my husband has told me he can't sleep because he's so upset over what I've told him I admit I used harsh words and fully laid out my feelings he said he still loves his brother and can't stand the thought of us never getting along am I the a-hole for telling him directly how I felt about his brother I'm wondering if I should have just kept to myself what do you guys think unexposed is by user forgot life oh one titled am I the a-hole for saying it's your decision to my girlfriend for sleeping in the bathtub er my girlfriend is an extremely light sleeper and she needs to be very tired or trunk /hi to sleep when I'm in the same bed she can't fall asleep with me in bed according to her observations I move a lot in bed which makes her move and I snore quite a lot and breathe heavily I am over weights but not too much to be classed as dangerous so I am 6 foot and she is 5 foot so when I moved the entire bed moves and wakes her up I also speak in my sleep sometimes which is something she is recorded to show me now she's kind of blaming me for some things she has had many exams that she didn't study enough for because she couldn't sleep all night due to me her sleep schedule is very bad right now and she sleeps almost always during the daytime because she can't get any night's sleep she uses earplugs but they can't block all the sound all my movements we also live in my parents house which with not enough rooms which means she has no other choice plus the living room is not an option neither she woke me up at 1:00 a.m. saying she will be sleeping in the bathtub because she can't take it and she really has to sleep because she has to study for a test tomorrow and she only has one day because she has been sleeping all day instead of a normal full night's sleep I told her well that's your decision then and she told me why can't you do something about it just buy one of those things where it can make you snore less but I think they would make me look like a fool she said go to the doctor but what will the doctor do to my movements and my snoring once she told me to lose weight which kind of hurt my feelings but she said it is for the best so I could stop snoring she said she will be sleeping in the bathtub until I fix it I told her okay then that's your decision and she went on to call me insensitive and that I don't care about her enough to do enough and that I'm a jerk edits once my girlfriend asked me to sleep on the couch during her exam week my mom had to go to work in the morning and she found me on the couch she went up to my girlfriend and he yelled at her and said that it's not my fault that I'm snoring and that she should put up with it ever since then she sleeps somewhere else instead of asking me am I the a-hole you know what you should just look like a fool sleep deprivation is torturous that is not an exaggeration it's forbidden under the Geneva Convention to deny sleep to your captives your desire to look cool while you're fricking sleeping does not outweigh her need to sleep if your snoring is that bad there's a fair chance you have sleep apnea which can kill you you should see a doctor you too should also look into getting a better mattress which won't transfer so much of your motion you're the a-hole unexposed is by user awkward liars titled am I the a-hole for not asking my singer friend to sing at our wedding slash refusing to allow her to give to us her singing voice this is very awkward and I'm not sure who to ask so I decided to post on here my boyfriend proposed last year around Christmas and of course I immediately said yes and together we have been very excitedly planning our wedding we were due for September this year but have obviously put everything on holds one of my friends abigail is a singer she has a very gospel II kind of voice but as awful as it sounds all I think when she sings is this is wobbly and I have to fight to keep a straight face she's not awful but it's really not my cup of tea obviously I would never say that to her but I do encourage her passion because one day she wants to turn her hobby into a career I always respond in the group chat with constructive feedback when she sends us voice clips asking for its and if it's very bad I'll just stay quiet and not say anything at all now recently in January a little-known music producer I think retweeted a video of her singing and she is taking this as her sign that she is about to break it big she asked why I hadn't asked editing in our wedding and I answered her honestly that I want her there in a friend capacity not there to work she then said she insisted on gifting us the song to our first dance I really really don't want her to do this so I told her I would need to square it with my fiance as we are all making this decision together thankfully he was on board with me and I texted her ASAP to say that fiance wasn't keen on the idea because he really wants expands to play instead she became upset in our group chats and quite a few of my friends are texting me telling me I should give her the platform and that I'm being a bad friend and an a-hole and that I'm being selfish not the a-hole here it goes my friends the second anybody you know hears about your wedding they're gonna start telling you what to do but it's your wedding and if you don't want your first dance to be saying by someone whose voice you don't care for you have every right to do something else put your foot down and let Abigail stay butthurt your wedding is about you not her and also she's not gifting you her voice she wants the attention and for all your guests to hear her she's not doing this for you she's doing this for her not the a-hole an ex post is by user washed frame titled would I be the a-hole if I report my co-workers drug use to my boss after seeing him at an na meeting so my brother-in-law is staying with us right now and was conferencing into his usual and a meeting from the living room our only home computer is a wired desktop in the living room we usually clear out to give him privacy the in this case I forgot my phone somewhere in there and had to quickly go looking for it I happened to go in right in the middle of someone I recognized as my coworker sharing their struggles with drug abuse and strong concerns about potential relapse we work in a job in which human lives are indirectly at stake and to be compromised at any point during work is unquestionably a risk we have once yearly drug testing and once in a while we have random drug testing but it's been years since I've been asked to do a random one I've been really broken up about whether I should say anything though because of course na is supposed to be private and confidential and he hasn't relapsed yet he's just concerned he might I'm so broken up over this but I can't talk to many people about it without raising suspicion about who it might be which would be much worse than just quietly reporting it to the appropriate person I don't know what will happen if I report him it might be more frequent random drug tests maybe they'll fire him I don't know it's a terrible time to lose your job the guy is working a program and hasn't actually relapsed we all have vices and problems but I also know I would never forgive myself if he were to relapse and screw up his work in a way that risks innocent people who trust us would I be the a-hole if I report him unexpressed his bi am I the a-hole throw away 2 5 2 titled am I the a-hole for not wanting my disabled sister-in-law to come live with us my husband and I have been together for about 10 years we have three young kids and a fairly hectic life as you can imagine my husband has a sister who has cerebral palsy she's 38 years old but cognitively has the development of about a 5 year old she can't really speak clearly but she can make some sounds for common words to say what she needs my husband can understand her better than I can but I'm trying to get better she's not permanently wheelchair-bound but she can't go up stairs or walk long distances so she does have some medical equipment to help she needs help doing everything for her basic care from bathing to dressing to feeding he obviously grew up with her so he's very used to everything she NEADS when we go to visit my in-laws it always seems to me like their entire livelihood revolves around her she also throws big tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants there ends up being a lot of yelling from all sides I find the whole environment so stressful in tents but it's what they're used to my husband's parents are getting older and I think it's getting more difficult to care for her my husband approached me a few weeks ago saying he thinks it's time is sister come to live with us my whole world came to a screeching halt we had talked about us helping financially and coordinating care before but never about her actually coming to live with us in truth I just can't picture us staying afloat while adding her into the mix at our house we have three kids under six it's a madhouse here all the time already if she lived here we would need to have three kids in one bedroom we'd also need to get some serious modifications to our house because it's not handicap friendly also I truly think this would ruin the relationships we are building with our kids I think my husband and I would have to spend so much time and energy caring for his sister that we wouldn't be able to focus on our own kids this breaks my heart and is the big deal breaker for me I suggested moving his family closer to us they currently live five hours away and seeing how we can help without them living with us I said we needed to start looking into some appropriate assisted living facilities and he flipped out on me he said he promised his mom he would take care of his sister she is his blood etc I understand it's his sister but I also feel he has his own family to consider to that he's completely ignoring in this equation obviously this is a big screw-up on both of our parts to not discuss this in detail much earlier on I can't picture us managing this with three kids and it just makes me sad to think of us 30 plus years down the road when we're empty nesters and always having his sister there by our side to be honest if I knew his sister was coming to live with us forever was a total mandatory for him it might have meant the end of our relationship edits wow this post blew up a little bit thanks for everyone for pliers I am reading through them and it's helpful to see from all sides I do want to clarify that it's not that we hadn't talked about this at all we had talked about it but the extent of support we had talked about was financial supports and coordinating outside care we had never discussed her coming to live with us I understand it was a miss to not discuss that overtly but it felt like we had a solid plan before that's about helping in all other ways and getting her proper care as she and we get older so I think this has been a change of heart now that it's becoming real she is his blood but you're his spouse once he married you he committed to you as his future not that he was to abandon his family but your feelings now paramount in his new life he absolutely must give fair assessment to your thoughts on anything that affects the household and your family to this degree you were not the a-hole he wants this but I want to know seriously how much he will be the primary caregiver and how much he expects you to do even if he does plan to take care of her exclusively she still becomes a huge disrupt in your lives and households will you still be able to go on vacation together will someone always need to be in the house with her will her loud nature make you all unhappy will this turn into a bitter household stand fudging firm honest tell him as you have that you were willing to compromise so that your family becomes a part of her caregiving by living nearby by contributing financially to an outside care facility but two nights do not let yourself contribute to the unhappy collapse of your own home and marriage by taking in someone you do not want to take in again you are not an a-hole our last post for the day is by user Pete the Doughboy titled ma the a-hole for not renting to friends / family I'm a landlord in a relatively small city in New England less than 15,000 year-round residents I inherited several rental properties but my company has been steadily growing so that we are now the largest property holders in the city and control roughly 60% of residential rentals this problem has cropped up over the years and they always feel very torn about it as I can see both sides of the arguments and thought I would see what the Internet has to say I never rent to friends and family no exceptions in the beginning of my career I leased an apartment to a friend who wasn't the most qualified and subsequently lost her job I gave her way more slack than I normally would give anyone but at the end she ended up owing almost $8,000 in rent and I had to evict her and her family it obviously destroyed the relationship hurt my business and I was vilified to mutual friends since then I have never done it again the issue is that it is a very tight rental markets our city has a shortage of rentals and we often receive 50-plus applications for a two-bedroom apartment a few times over the years I've been approached by friends who needed a rental people who are qualified have good jobs and great history with other landlords in the city people I would happily rent it to if they weren't my friends and family in my the a hole for not renting to them just because I know them I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place I just value my relationships and this dynamic then owing me 1,000 plus a month slash calling me to chat and oh their faucet is leaking Oh crazy that would almost certainly change things between us let me have it am I the a-hole am i an a-hole for telling my husband to grow a pair so my husband and I have been together for 16 years married for 11 he has always had a pretty low pain tolerance though he won't admit it's once he accidentally need one of our toddlers hot wheel cars and it put him out of commission for the entire day although nothing was broken or even bruised I've become alarmed many times and his over reactive responsive to things like stubbing his toe or hitting his funny bone on something he will literally moan and whine and shout out in pain over the most - stuff I always thought it was a quirk of his not too major to actually have a conversation about until yesterday I have what my doctor believes is Crohn's disease and I've been in the thick of a nasty flu for the last few days for those of you unfamiliar it's an inflammatory bowel disease and causes diarrhea vomiting etc I was trying to take a nap for some relief and had just gotten to sleep when I hear an actual scream from downstairs I jump out of bed and find my butt husband clutching his hands I asked what happened and he told me he pinched his finger in the baby gates I looked at it and it wasn't even read no broken skin I told him he woke me up with his scream and probably also woke up our son and he said he couldn't help it it just hurt so bad I said you know what else hurts crapping my brains out all morning and not being able to take a nap because you're being so loud over a minor mishap he got really offended and said that I wouldn't like it if I pinched my finger either and I said no I sure wouldn't but I also wouldn't scream my head off I didn't even do that when I was giving birth to a 9-pound baby unmedicated he said well your body was made to do that I'm not made to get my finger stuck in a baby gates that's when I rolled my eyes told him to grow a pair and went back upstairs to try and rest yes I said it out of anger but my husband is acting like I emasculated him horribly and insulted him to his very core and is barely speaking to me I'm not in any hurry to apologize especially since he didn't for waking me up when I'm dealing pretty silently with objectively more pain than he was eta I can pretty definitively say that he doesn't have an underlying medical condition he has to go get medical check-ups for work regularly I honestly agree with most of the comments stating that he just wants attention the overreaction ramps up when I'm having a flare or when we're at a big family gathering or something an ta either he is using it as a way to get attention most likely or he needs to talk to his doctor about it it's definitely not normal to have that low of a pain tolerance not the a-hole his low pain tolerance isn't the problem it's his reaction to it you can control your reactions to things I'm sure we've all been in a situation where you hurt yourself and go to involuntarily swear but realized your rounded child and stop yourself when he screams he's making his pain everyone else's problem he needs to be an adult and control his responses pop psychology I'm betting mum gave him lots and lots of love and attention when he vocally expressed that he heard himself maybe see if you can find a way of reinforcing him when he doesn't react all right a nun exposes by user wfh stress twenty20 titled am I the a-hole for being annoyed my girlfriend has started dressing weird recently my girlfriend always dressed comfortably and practically until recently she works at a professional job and she would usually wear jeans sneakers t-shirts or sweaters etc about a month ago she had her friends shave both sides of her head but leave hair on the top and back of her head I wasn't huge fan of it but she said she wanted it for a while but she was too afraid of being embarrassed if it turned out badly but now that everyone is working from home nobody can go out she can took the chance and she loves it then she bleached her brown hair to blonde then in a week she dyed it to fluorescent green and she was buying a lot of new clothes crop tops and tank tops really loud patterned pants platform sneakers that look like running shoes but have a soul that's like three inches tall just generally flashy and eccentric stuff and whenever I asked she says that it this is more her style but she is just more comfortable getting into it when there's less social pressure she's stopped wearing bras and that's also awkward because I can tell she gets tears I asked what she's going to do when she has to go back to work she said that she'd dress appropriately but obviously couldn't change her hair but she said she didn't think that would be a problem she'd been practically indispensable during the difficult time the company was having recently and couldn't see there being any trouble over hair I've also said I don't love her new look and she's always like I don't look that difference like it's still me but honestly she does look really different we had a fight after I asked her a couple of times to just wear normal things when we hang out together and she got really upset with me over it's saying that she was just trying to have some fun and trying something different and it was really rude of me to tell her how to dress am I the a-hole for being annoyed with my girlfriend's change in style you're the a-hole it's a tough time for everyone and changing things up is a way of coping less social pressure can allow her to be more free while being stuck in the house if you can't see beyond superficial things like hair and clothes that's your problem not hers gentle you're the [ __ ] from here I understand that it's not what you like but asking her to when normal things was not good your normal hers she is changing her look and you don't like it that's fine but it's her look and she's allowed to change it if it bothers you that much end the relationship trying to force someone into a mold that you deem acceptable is controlling and not okay you could have approached this a lot better than you did have an actual conversation instead of basically telling her that her current clothes are abnormal right oh and done expresses by user time kitchen titles am I the a-hole for suddenly disinviting my father four days before my wedding he even paid for my wedding and I haven't spoke to him since just to be clear I got married in early February I have always been very close to my father and stepmom growing up I always felt like they offered me a stable home for me to grow up in I never had that with my mother during the last few years of my parents marriage my mother changed as a person she was a happy and cheerful person when we were younger she really changed after the divorce she was miserable and I felt that I could tell that she hated the fact that I prefer to live with my dad but never verbalized her feelings she has been single since the divorce and refuses to date other people I always wanted to have a joint birthday parties with my mom dad and stepmom but my mom wouldn't have it she avoided my father like the plague I never understood her behavior and resented her for it quite naturally I preferred my dad's household over my mom's anyways right before my wedding I was staying at my dad's one night I overheard my dad and stepmom reminiscing about how they met now they always told us that they met six months after the divorce at a library turns out they lied but they were talking about how my father couldn't take his eyes off her the moment she walked into his office and how he wanted her from that moment on and how he didn't care that he had a pregnant wife at home apparently their first kiss was a few days after I was born and the first time they had sex was on my parents third anniversary I was only a few months old back then they were talking about how difficult it was for them to continue their relationship after they got caught when I was five this was extremely shocking to me because my parents got divorced when I was 10 they were also making fun of my mom's weight this meant that they carried on an affair throughout my parents marriage I remember my mom changing for the worse when I was in second grade my mom always knew and she never told me I broke down crying that night and I felt really guilty because the way I acted towards my mom growing up I had no idea she went through so much I was cheated on by my first boyfriend in college and it destroyed me I felt horrible that night I didn't confront my dad but the next morning I packed up my crap and transferred the amount he had spent on my wedding I didn't want his money I told him I heard everything and asked him to stay away from my wedding I left their house and drove to my mom's I hugged her really hard and we both cried I had my mom walk me down the aisle and I made sure my dad's family didn't attend the wedding I didn't explicitly disinvite my half-brother but he stayed away from my wedding and I'm actually glad he didn't come I don't think I want anything to do with any of them anymore I've heard from the grapevine that my dad is on antidepressants nowadays my grandma blames me for his depression did I overreact I still don't want anything to do with him my dad's family thinks I was and I am being cruel to him am I the a whole and I corrected a typo for the people doubting it's fake I'm not quoting what I heard I'm paraphrasing what they were talking about I'm stating the things I got to know that night and yes they were drinking people got that right not the a-hole so your views of who your dad is were changed overnight and it was revealed that your dad is a dick who messed up your mom mentally yeah nah I don't think you're overreacting those actions are unforgivable for a lot of people you're especially not the jerk because you gave back the money I have so much respect for your mum for keeping that crap to herself that's one of the more impressive things I've ever heard by the way you're not to blame for his depression he is he made the awful decisions that led to him where he is the bigger Ally gets the more powerful it will be when it all comes crashing down and our next post by Emily a whole throw away read rah titles would I be the a-hole if I refused to let my niece wear whites to my wedding situations started about five months ago my wedding was set for the 30th of this month but it was postponed before the postponing though we had decided to make my future niece niece in law the flower girl she's about to turn seven is the sweetest little girl and I thought the role would suit her perfectly needless to say her mom approved and she was ecstatic when I asked the both of them if they would be willing to take on this role when the discourse starts is this we have a group chat for the female wedding guests so that no one matches the same dress suggestions etc and her mom posted a picture of a small pure white dress and the chat saying that it was for her daughter I really wasn't okay with this in any capacity I think the wearing white to a wedding is tacky and could be taken the wrong way for example trying to upstage the bride so I privately messaged my future sister-in-law and asked her to maybe look at other options like maybe a light pastel blue or pink or something of the like however she told me that her daughter is really into the white dress and that she really loves it it's really just a dress and shouldn't be a big deal plus it shouldn't even bother me because no one is should see it as upstaging considering she's literally a child while I agree with her in some ways my final answer was no that conversation happened around a month ago since the postpone she has taken time to reach out to me multiple times to try and convince me to change my stance saying that her daughter would be heartbroken if she couldn't wear the dress they've both fallen in love with it etc my answer every time has been a firm nor I told my fiancé about this and he got upset with me telling me about how I was making a big fuss over a child's dress color and that this really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of all things originally I felt because this was my /al wedding I had the right to be firm on my stances but I'm really starting to feel like a jerk for possibly reigning on a chance parade am i edit to clarify yes I am aware that most weddings feature a flower girl wearing white this is not by any means and extremely by the books traditional wedding being the only one wearing white is my personal preference let this sink in she is 7 she is 7 she won't steal the thunder no one will confuse her for the bride I won't give a judgement become on she's 7 and the flower girl all right our next post is buy too much sauce bro titled am I the a-hole for not wanting to lie about having a baby with a lesbian sir I thought email had a son with my ex when we were teenagers we were 15 and 16 my son is about to turn 15 in May we did not intend on having a child that young but we decided to make it work it was a wonderful decision and I love my son so much our relationship did not last as my ex realized she was a gay a couple years after our son was born we ended on good terms and currently split custody of my son my son stays with me and my girlfriend's 29 female during the week and his mother and her wife on the weekends my girlfriend and I just moved in together recently and I have just began to get close with her family recently as well my girlfriend and son get along very well but my girlfriend wants me to lie about this situate I have with my son for context my girlfriend's family is very religious Jehovah's Witnesses and while she's not as religious as they are she fears they will judge me or not like me when they find out that I had a child with a lesbian who was very involved in my son's life she also told me they would be uncomfortable with the fact I had a child outside of wedlock my girlfriend suggestion was to lie and tell her parents if it ever came up that I was previously married to my son's mother and that she left me or passed away and - absolutely not mention the lesbian parts I don't feel comfortable lying about my son for several reasons I love this woman and I want any love her family has for me to be based on authenticity I don't want to set the precedent for my son that lying is acceptable to make people like you I do not believe it is wrong to be gay and I won't tiptoe around it in order to spare feelings my son is a valid and legitimate person whose story matters and I won't erase that because it is a little different than most people my girlfriend is really upset with me and says that it isn't a big deal and that my son doesn't even need to know she is hesitant to let me spend time with her parents now and after this state her more to reserve all am I the [ __ ] so scum gel's Suk says you don't need to lie your ex's sexual orientation is of no business to anyone you were together and now you aren't it's that simple I certainly wouldn't be making up lies especially one where my ex is dead I mean Jesus Christ not the [ __ ] there's a perfectly acceptable ways of acknowledging your ex without bringing her sexuality into it at all if she cares so much about her family's approval then maybe she should just live with them this kind of fear or behavior would be an early warning sign that she's dependent on her family's approval to the point she's asking you to lie that isn't what sounds like a healthy relationship to me as a former Jehovah's Witness the desire to stay somewhat acceptable to your family is strong because they cut you off if they deem you as a sinner this is very challenging to someone who was raised in a cult it's scary to be rejected this way alright so now next post is by user ferret for life titled in might the a hole for secretly giving my daughter fattening smoothies what the I'm a single mother of two identical twin girls that are 15 years old the daughter I'll be talking about is Kylee and the other is Jenna I mean Amba fake names obviously it started a few months ago when I noticed Kylie would eat less at dinner I began to get worried when she was completely skipping dinner always making excuses like I feel sick or I don't like it eventually I would sit her down so she wasn't allowed to leave until she finished everything on her plate surprisingly she obliged easily and this was the routine for a couple weeks I thought her phase was over as she would lead everything without a hassle one day amber told me that Kylie hasn't been eating at school and throwing up after dinner I was very worried of course and immediately got a therapist in the doctor's appointment to check her health the doctor said that she had lost a bit of weights but it wasn't threatening at the moments but she would need it managed and checked regularly she had a therapist appointments two to three times a week not much came a bit and after about a month she was thinner and weaker it was horrible I just wanted to help her she fainted at cheer practice and hurt her hip and this was my breaking points I had to do something every morning she would make a smoothie with stuff like berries and vegetables in an attempt to be healthy so I decided to order five kilograms of weight gain formula that's used for muscle growth every morning I would make her these healthy smoothies and she never questioned it the doctor was pleased by her weight gain I had told him about the formula and he said it was fine as it was helping and keeping her from a risk BMI everything was going great thankfully she was making progress with the therapist and each day she was improving more during this time she was rarely able to do Chea which motivated her to get healthy one morning I was careless and left the bag on the bench before rushing to work I thought it would be fine as Kylie rarely ever goes into the kitchen and she had to leave to go to school sir anyways I was wrong and she found the bag she refused to talk to me for two days and I was scared she would get sick again her therapist asked to speak to me after their session and she practically told me that I was an [ __ ] not in those words obviously that I had betrayed her trust and set back a months of progress because of my actions I don't feel bad to her I did what I needed to help her and she's in a better place now than she would be without it she's doing better now and showing much better improvement this past month but she doesn't speak to me much and I miss talking to her I think what I did was necessary but am I the a-hole your intentions were good but the way you handled it makes you the a-hole you should have discussed this with her therapists before doing this you've now jeopardized all of our progress hope she gets better soon your wedding reminds me of a quote not direct but the way I remember it is we judge others on their actions we judge ourselves on our intentions that's not just a quote it's a psychological fact it's called the fundamental attribution error and we all pretty much do it all right an unexposed is by Lego cookie titled am I the a-hole for getting my cousin's girlfriend banned from family dinners so my boyfriend 19 male has been dating me 19 female since we were 14 I'm close with my uncle's aunties cousins and grandparents we get together often to hang out celebrate holidays and eating out for birthdays we eat out like every month together my boyfriend almost always comes with me my extended family in him love each other and consider each other family at our dinners either I pay my parents pay or me and my parents both pay partially for whatever I order my boyfriend pays for what he orders whenever the two of us go on dates we both pay for whatever we order most of the time we both like this arrangement we both work and have very close salary my cousin's 32 male girlfriend's 33 female have been coming to these dinners for the past two years however the past year she's been rude and sexist in my opinion to my boyfriend it started with her passively aggressively loudly talking about how guys who were good boyfriends always pay for the girls order she also would announce how she's ordering certain expensive items and drinks she started telling my boyfriend to dinners that he should be paying for me she got more and more rude about it telling him he doesn't deserve me she once went to confront him about it's when he went to the bathroom I tried talking to my cousin about it but he just says he can't control her behavior I tried to offending my boyfriend to her sometimes when she makes these comments but it doesn't stop so I talked to some family about it and they agreed that she was being really rude they told my cousin to get her to cut it out but she kept doing it after she confronted him my family decided my cousin's girlfriend wasn't welcome to the dinners anymore until she apologizes my cousin is now furious at me calling me a snitch and saying how unfair it is a dumb teen relationship is getting priority among our family over their adult relationship he has been cold to me since I wasn't setting out to get her bands but this is what my family decided I love my boyfriend and I want him to feel comfortable I also love my cousin and I know how great it is to have your significant other close with your family so I guess the RP wants to know are they the a hole in this situation and QWERTY ished ro7 says not the a-hole if a 33 year old can't be civil to a teenager then they should be banned the cousin also doesn't know what a snitch is how can you snitch to someone about something that is happening right in front of them not the a-hole all right and our last one is by clear chest titles am I the a-hole for possibly encouraging my son to break up with his girlfriend and telling him I have regrets about marrying his mother slash my wife how how can you make that one not the [ __ ] in this situation how my son will be starting college this fall he will be attending a school out of state while his girlfriend stays home to attain to college because of the distance they have been discussing whether or not they will try to make things work and they have struggled to make a decision he asked his mom and me what we thought he should do and for a long time I refused to advise him other than to make some very high-level comments and generalizations his mother / my wife on the other hand has encouraged him to stay with his girlfriend even though I asked her to remain impartial my son continued to ask me for my opinion and because his mum weighed in I felt like I needed to hear my perspective this is because my wife has used us as an example to show him that high school sweethearts can last she's not wrong but she is only given one side of our story to our son and I felt he needed to know my perspective which I have not shared with our kids until now to make a long story short we were highschool sweethearts but in many ways I regret choosing to make a commitment to my wife when we were so young we had a similar issue I applied to graduate schools and ended up getting offers from schools in New York and LA which I really liked I would have probably attended one but my wife did not want to move to either place which forced me to choose I have always wondered how my life would have gone had I chosen a different path I told my son all of this and devised him to think about it if he wants that hanging over him while he is away at school to be tied down like this during the best years of his life is going to give him a very different college experience and probably limit him in many ways I did not tell him that he should break up but I did strongly urge him to consider if he is prepared to make that sacrifice and end up like me wondering what he missed out on apparently my daughter overheard this conversation and relayed it to my wife my wife has taken this very hard and so have my daughters but I don't think that what I said was wrong I don't think I am wrong for wanting our son to avoid the same he has many plans which not compatible with that girlfriend he wants she is a local girl like my wife and probably will never want to leave our town or explore the world so either he is going to end up fighting her over this and feeling bad because he wants to experience life or things will ultimately not work out if the latter is the case it is better to end it now so that at least he can enjoy college am I the [ __ ] I don't know guys you guys can decide you be the judge of this one that's a my god I know he has a little bit of a points there but ultimately it's his son's life in the end isn't it what do you guys think of this one today tell me what you think judge jury executioner that can be you guys from today's episode I'd love to know what you thought about everyone tell me which cases you think it good which ones are bad alright this has been monkey got no time left I'm gonna hit head to bed in a second I hope you guys have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to and now see in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 39,600

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: Mq00be8Dvdg

Length: 158min 8sec (9488 seconds)

Published: Wed May 06 2020