r/AmiTheA**Hole For Denying A Dying Friend's Wish?

g'day there guys it's your rosy hubby Maki back at it again with another episode of a slash am I the a-hole now if you love me like I love you then you know what to do I want you to tackle that like button like Stephen would tackle a bloody crocodile and maybe even Chuck and Aussie flag down in the comments maybe a crocodile down in the comments who knows now with that said I want you to sit back relax Chuck a prawn on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good contents posted by user T Swan our double O titles am I the a-hole for asking my girlfriend's to get rid of her dog throw away because she has reddit's sir me male 23 and my girlfriend female 21 have been dating for two years and we've moved in together three months ago my girlfriend was living with her mother prior and they had a dog for four years when we were talking about moving in together she begged me to let her bring her dog and she said she would pay the pet deposits and I wouldn't have to clean up after her and I never had a pet before but I agreed but after living with them for three months I don't think I want the dog around anymore typically when I would go to her old house she would lock the dog out of her bedroom to spend time with me but now the dog is just everywhere at night she'd rather cuddle with the dog than me she takes it for three walks a day and most times she brings it for car rides and then makes me go into whatever store alone so she can sit in the car with the dog wherever my girlfriend goes in the house the dog follows and if my girlfriend sits or lays down the dog sits or lays down with her and I swear when she comes home she kisses the dog's face like 20 times before she gives me one single kiss I asked her last week why she's so obsessed with a dog and she replied that her family was never affectionate or made her feel safe so when she got the dog and it loved her and wanted to be with her all the time she and the dog became best friends if that's the case she shouldn't need the dog anymore because I'm here now to love and keep her safe would I be the a-hole if I asked her to give the dog back to her mother personally yeah you would be the a-hole if you did that because she didn't get affection her family early on in life and taking away that only bond just because you don't like the dog in it stealing your thunder is a dick move and that's not okay that's gonna sever your relationship with your girlfriend and I feel like deep down Opie knows that it's the wrong thing to do they only have a problem with the weight of interacts with the girlfriend they don't seem to have a problem with anything else around the house like cleaning up after the dog updates okay I get it on the a-hole I will not be asking my girlfriend to get rid of her dog but I'm also not breaking up with her over me being a little jealous also clarification on shopping I meant just four trips to the store for a couple of things my girlfriend does most of the grocery shopping for us so I don't like having to go alone so you're jealous of the dog you're the a-hole edits I want to expand because I was getting to an everybody sucks response because focusing so much energy on the dog sounds a lot until the line about you being her best friend and not the dog that's just not your decision or choice to make you guys need to talk a lot there because something is not right here I cannot understand the level of insecurity that a person would have to hold in order to believe that they have to compete with the pets it's an entirely different sort of relationship the only part where I was like hmm he has a point was the bit about the car rides and him going into the store alone but if he's never communicated that he doesn't like that you're an a-hole dude learn to communicate and there is a reason why his girlfriend is doing the grocery shopping alone yet he has the audacity to complain that he occasionally has to go in alone to buy a couple of things like he's afraid he's going to get lost or what if she's solely responsible for this chore the least he can do was occasionally go in for a couple of things it's not gonna kill him posted by user are a $1.99 $2.99 titled am I the a-hole for ruining my brother and his wife's pregnancy news with news of my recent diagnosis bit of backstory my brother and I are very close his wife and I not so much we've had our fair share of tension anyway I fell sic in the middle of may but held off getting checked out because of covert and safety reasons eventually when june started i decided to go check it out turns out it was stage two breast cancer i decided to tell my family two days ago since lockdown laws have been lifted so i invited everyone over and when i told my brother and his wife he said okay that's fine because he has news to share too sir our family gathered and my brother decided to go first he did ask me and he announced that his wife is four months pregnant of course everyone was overjoyed after about an hour they asked me about my news and i knew this is probably the last time in a long while before I had everyone else here in person so I told them and of course the initial joyous atmosphere was gone the rest of the evening was a lot of support for me and not a lot of attention on my brother and his wife my brother didn't seem to mind this as he was quite distraught with my news but I saw his wife pretty upset and cornered off sir I decided to approach her and I apologized for the timing of it all she told me I could have waited a bit and Skyped everyone the news as it's just stage two and let my brother and her have this moment with her family I told her I initially called this meeting for this exact reason and she said she knows but I knew my news would damper everyone's mood so I told her she's being ridiculous and I wanted to tell my family in person since they are my family after all and she burst in tears and demanded to go home which my brother obliged even though he was confused he promised he would come to see me soon since he stays close by to me later that evening I get a message from him asking me if I told his wife that she isn't part of the family and that I deliberately wanted the attention on me because that's what she's upset about also the next day my parents called me to check up on me and if my mom mentioned that my brother's wife called yesterday evening really upset telling them that I said and I'm claiming I'm jealous because she's pregnant and I'm trying to ruin her life I told my parents what actually happened and what I really said it's Cotts not only tensions between his wife and me but my parents sent her to and now she's also blaming me for my parents not being her biggest fans my brother is torn but has been trying to talk to her which results in more tears and a strain in their marriage all this drama is making me think that I should have just called up everyone all rather just told my brother that his news had to wait even though that would have been selfish of me I really wanted my family's support that day but I'm starting to rethink whether it was worth all of this drama and potentially causing further problems so Redditt am I the a-hole edits wow I didn't expect to get so so much lovely feedback and to think I was slightly scared to post this thank you all for the unnerving support love and hugs I read and I'm still reading every single comment made and I really appreciate it I will most definitely fight through thank you all so much just wanted to add a few points when brother told me he had news - he was really super excited and added it as a just by the way I'll announce mine - he did apologize and admit afterwards if he had known what my news was he would have held off his because right now what's important is my recovery he also admitted he wrongfully assumed that my news would automatically be good I'm usually always the happy chirpy one his wife wasn't too fond of this either brother's wife also had a miscarriage beginning of the year which is why this pregnancy I suppose was extra-special I'm truly happy for them I just wish she could understand like one user pointed out that this isn't a competition I don't know why I couldn't tell him over the phone we're really close and I knew it would have crushed him I couldn't steal him away at the gathering either because he was the last to arrive and when he did he just quickly mentioned hey Opie mind if I go first and I was frozen on the spot so I said sure also pretty silly on my part it's hard to explain that feeling where you absolutely frozen and there's a big lump in your throat that prevents you from speaking but seeing the news in the first place was really difficult to begin with edits edits just another point to clarify I'm not a saint but my brother does mean a hell of a lot to me it's exactly why his wife and I cleared the air between us before because I wouldn't deliberately make his life hell by peeing her off hence why when I saw she was upset I approached her and when she told me I could have Skyped I responded with I wanted to tell them in person since they are my family and they would probably want to be there with me when I broke the news I never once implied she wasn't a part of it my brother and parents know this so obviously right off the bat Opie is not the a-hole for this at all it is in fact my sister or the sister-in-law that you could say she is overreacting in this situation and obviously very jealous where she has no place to be and poopy has said it better than I can in those updates not the a-hole you called the meeting for your news also if sharing it in person was unimportance then why couldn't your sister-in-law share the pregnancy news over Skype her own reasoning should have been good enough for her and good luck with your treatments my thoughts exactly also I bet if Opie did try to stop them from their announcements I suspect the sister-in-law would have gotten upset still also not the a-hole yep bottom line here is all the drama is coming from sister-in-law she is the one making the situation worse for everybody but mainly to herself Erby you should focus on your own health right now not the a-hole and my best wishes for your recovery precisely if anyone there needed to tell this news in person it was Opie this was Opie's event to begin with which brother and sister-in-law hi Jax hope he needs personal support at this time sister-in-law is being entitled to the max and obviously a constant friction creator with her bullcrap no doubt in my mind that Opie is in the right and sister-in-law is constantly trying to make things about herself and control everyone with her bullcrap it's 22 we're cutting that negativity out of our lives put her in the trash not the a-hole I was so ready to call you the a-hole from the title alone but you arranged this meeting to break the news of something very very serious and your brother decided that it was time to break the news as well could you have handled this better well yes you could have asked him privately what his news was when he said that he had something to announce so that it didn't get awkward like this but regardless the blame does not fall on you at all but the fact is the cancer is like a bit more of an important thing to announce than a pregnancy and the sister-in-law made a huge misstep getting jealous and saying what she did Skype really she's definitely the a-hole here there are things more important than a pregnancy especially because a pregnancy has a lot more of a time frame to announce than a disease you're going to need to get some pretty obvious treatment for also I wish you a good recovery posted by user Chelsea FEA titled am I the a-hole for not wanting my best friend to be godmother to my daughter due to her short life expectancy my best friend Mia has cystic fibrosis the average life expectancy for cystic fibrosis is about 37 but Mia's doctors don't think she'll get to 30 when we were kids and her cystic fibrosis wasn't something I was hyper aware of we agreed that we'd be godparents to each other's kids I recently gave birth to a baby girl and obviously Judique Ovid we've had no visitors to meet her but I facetimed Mia from the hospital she started the call with let me see my goddaughter then and that's when I remembered the agreement that we made don't get me wrong I adore Mia she's my best friend but it seems a bit silly to allow her to be a godmother when one she probably won't be around by the time something could happen to go wrong for me and to her quality of life would in no way enable her to look after a child that is so heartless I waited until we were home before I said anything to me oh and when I asked her if she was okay with it she said she was but I got a text from her mom later that night asking how I can claim to be a best friend when I treat her like that a few of our friends have also said I'm an a-hole for taking something away from Mia that she's been looking forward to for so long I called Mia and asked if she was upset and she said that she really was and that it was another thing that she couldn't do because of a cystic fibrosis I sympathize with her but I said I wasn't going to change my mind she's really upset with me now along with our friends and her parents am i the a-hole yes why did you change your mind like that it can just be a symbolic thing she shouldn't have to follow through with the godmother duties that you can lay upon someone I don't understand why Opie switched the mentality so easily like that I don't know how you could be it not the a all in this situation your best friend is going to die and you removed one of the things that she was looking forward to how can you reconcile that with your self Opie I don't understand you're the a-hole godparents is someone who agreed to guide and support her religious development of a child's it isn't a legal position you put that in your will excluding her like this is cruel and unnecessary let her be godmother and in your will state who will receive guardianship if you pass here is where you choose someone who will be healthy and capable of raising a child's you have no doubt badly hurt your friends apologize and try to mend things thank goodness someone understands a religious ritual is not a legal proceeding I think it goes hand in hand with a misconception that you can will your kids to someone in the event of both parents death the family courts will need to make an official guardianship ruling they of course will take the parents wishes into accounts especially when and if the immediate next of kin is unfit a will with guardianship stipulations is absolutely not binding I once spent time in a case where a child's father tried to will his child whose primary residency was with the mother to the kids Godfather fully expecting the court to take custody of the kid from his ex and handed over took my boss much longer than it should to explain the godparent aren't illegal guardians in our country and his death would change nothing for the kid because he didn't have custody in the first place you're the whole here's the thing godparents are not necessarily who her Guardians will be my godparents were a childless uncle and the wife of a friend of my father's who we barely interacted with as I grew older my sister's was someone who dad played cricket with and my 16 year olds aunts in case something happened to my parents we went to my mother's parents with a different diet and uncle from dad's side as trustee the fact is treatment for cystic fibrosis is becoming better and better if you're really concerned about that name multiple godparents posted by user Brian Evans one two three titles am I the a-hole for cutting my daughter out of the will apologies if you've already seen this and commented on it due to a posting complication it got removed so it's been uploaded correctly now my son Jake is gay he came out when he was 18 and me and my wife couldn't have been more proud of him he's now 31 and his older sister as Lucy is 37 we've all been a happy family until about six months ago when Lucy converted to Catholicism neither me my wife or my son are particularly religious since then Lucy became more distance with her Jake and I started to notice Jake looking less jolly than his normal self I decided to ask him about it because I could sense something was wrong at first he denied something was up so I kept asking him what was wrong until he finally broke down in tears one day he told me that a few months back Lucy had called him to meet up apparently when they met up she had tried to talk to him about his sexuality according to my son she literally begged him to repent and give up his homosexual lifestyle by breaking up with his boyfriend of two years since then she constantly rings him and texts him begging him to repent his sin and has even messaged his boyfriend directly to try and save him from Hell - I was livid me and my wife immediately called Lucy and demanded a family we all sat around the table me my wife Jake and Lucy and we asked her about it she literally said in front of all of us Jake I want you to go to heaven you've got to stop this it's not natural my wife burst into tears and I started to literally shake in rage after a lot of screaming and crying from everyone my wife and I eventually said something along the lines of you can believe what you want but if you dare to say anything even remotely related to Jake's life choices ever again you will not be a part of this family her response was to look Jake in the eyes and say can you not see what you're doing is wrong it's a violation it's sick after throwing her out of the house and telling her we would never speak to her again we got on the phone and decided to amend our will she now gets absolutely nothing she arrived at our house begging to let her into our lives again and saying not only are we letting Jake down but we are not respecting her religious beliefs so absolutely not the a-hole for that that's a disgusting amount of homophobia and if it's only coming out now I can only imagine how Jake has been feeling his entire life with her subtly bearing that down on him that doesn't seem like a small change at all and the parents is surprised about it sir she's obviously been hiding it very well and making Jake not say anything what an insane amount of abuse to build up over one's lifetime Jesus I do not blame them for cutting her out of the will that's disgusting that leads people to suicide that kind of stuff we can't be accepting that we have to actively take that out of society edits thanks everyone for your touching words and advice it's truly wonderful how supportive everyone has been both with legal advice and heartwarming comments thank you also to the people who have reminded me the importance of forgiveness we will reach out to her and try and come to an understanding the main thing we all want to do is put this behind us for the people who have suggested family therapy we are taking that into consideration obviously with the current situation in the world our options are limited but we will see what we can do thanks all and my comments personally it's not the be-all end-all people do deserve forgiveness if they work towards forgiveness and if she does work this out then more power to them not the a-hole how ironic is it that she is angry you aren't respecting her beliefs and yet she feels no responsibility for respecting the beliefs of the rest of you if you leave her out of the will leave her 100 dollars so she can't Kontest it and say she was left out some states the minimum for a will not to be contested is one dollar some it's higher I would advise finding out whatever the minimum is and putting her in the will so there's no legal trouble for your son not the a-hole sorry H hijacked the top comments leave her a book about Catholic Church sex crimes and a 12-month subscription to a gay lifestyle magazine yes let's do it thank you Bob dildo very cool not the a-hole you respect her beliefs and she should respect yours as well it's one thing to believe and practice something like religion for yourself it's another thing to push on someone else and use it to make them feel wrong or badly about themselves she needs a wake-up call stay firm you realize that Catholicism teaches its adherents to believe that non adherents go to hell rites do you think that such a belief system is worthy of respect respect has nothing to do with the religion you can respect a person's beliefs and choices while also choosing to not participate in those choices respect has everything to do with how you treat others and accepting that not everyone has the same opinions and being okay with that someone else here pointing out saying can you stop spreading such nonsense please most Catholics believe that everyone who is good goes to heaven it doesn't matter what religion they are or if they are lgbtq+ or knots and I know there are very hateful people who say homosexuality is a sin and other stuff but they shouldn't call themselves Christians Christianity teaches love and love is love it doesn't matter what your gender is or the gender of the people who you were attracted to even the Pope said that God loves the gays besides its twenty twenty people lots of things in the Bible are outdated when reading them remember the context they were written in and learned from the story and the context this woman should be ashamed of herself Opie your son is not a sinner her words and actions are very non Catholic you were right to take the actions you did but please be open to forgiveness if and only if she shows regrets then hear her out and consider averting your action posted by user throw away our 1 982 titles am I the a-hole for having my son fill out a job application after a store employee and close friend asked him not to my son 23 has a learning disability he's great with jobs that involve cleaning stocking and phasing he previously had a care aide come in two times weekly she had another job at a pet store my son expressed interest in employment at the store and I asked her if she could discuss setting up a tour with her boss for him I thought this would work great because she could drive him to work and he'd be more comfortable working if he knew someone she said no her excuse conflict of interest she didn't last long she said my son was making her uncomfortable because of how he talks he has a learning disability certain comments made her feel harassed browsing online I have found a hiring out at this store I instantly told my son to apply because seeing as she no longer works with him it's not a conflict of interest she still works there I know this because I took my son in for an interview here and she walked away fuming the moment she spotted us my mother-in-law and sister-in-law both think that I'm being unfair to this girl if she's uncomfortable working with him before it's going to happen again but this is a different setting she doesn't need to help him and if she has such an issue she can quit again this is a really rock and a hard place one for the son because he obviously can't really know any better there's a learning disability his level of comprehension is much different to the mother's and she's putting him in such compromising positions and he doesn't understand what she's putting him through that's so unfair on the kid I absolutely think the mother is the a hole in this situation for what she's doing to both her own son and to this worker it's obvious this job isn't a fit for the both of and there needs to be another job that is found as unfortunate as it is you're the a-hole why should she drive your son to work this is why she didn't want him to apply because you've already clearly set her up as his carer at work edits in your comments you saying she left working with your son because he was asking her to have sex with him why on earth would you decide it's a good idea to try and put them in a situation where they would have to be around each other again you need to learn some boundaries and learning disabilities don't cause sexual harassment you're even worse I hope you at least reprimanded your son about sexual harassment his learning disabilities won't be an excuse for harassing women at work and could get him arrested it sounds like you're helping your son's stalker you're the a-hole if I was the former caregiver and Opie's kid got hired I'd go straight to HR and do everything I could to get him fired immediately Opie can just let her kid live with her for the rest of his life since she's already demonstrated that she's fine with enabling him you're the a hole for that mentality of if my son continues to make problems for her with his comments and making her feel uncomfortable she can just quit again just comes off as an a-hole ish knowing his son was the reason she quit and trying to force her hand and strongarm her out of her job where she has been first what comments did your son say that made her feel uncomfortable or harassed never mind found them sexually based upon he spoke of his penis size sexual history porn addiction and again this is all alleged ask her to have sex with him several times suba suba you're the a-hole don't bring that nonsense back into the girl's life again she doesn't deserve to deal with that again I think that's all we need to hear people are just saying the same things over and over again and it's pretty obvious that I didn't even know the scope of this when I was giving my judgement so tell me what you guys think of this one am I the a-hole for not sending my dog to boarding while my boyfriend's mother visits backgrounds I adopted my dog tank when I was 20 he had minor issues the walking and prey drive issues I fixed this dog is a saint never bit anyone or shown aggression he's a very well trained dog he is now 5 years and 60 pounds now my boyfriend's 24 male and died 24 female live in an apartment with my dog we moved in together last year but we've been dating for four years in December my boyfriend's mom invited herself to come visit in July provided everything is goodbye then now when she decided this we were under the impression that she would stay at a hotel or something we live in a small red really small two-bedroom apartments but we use the second room as a shared office space but whatever we'll deal we can throw in a bed and move the room around but three weeks ago she was talking to my boyfriend saying she would speak staying for two weeks because she wanted to sightsee we live in a small city and because she really wanted to be with us I could tell he was happy about this because he misses her and he doesn't get to see her a lot because we live far away from her I wasn't going to argue with it I know it makes him happy but then she called again last week and she told my boyfriend she wouldn't feel comfortable if tank was in the apartment with her because he's big and you can't trust dogs like that she said she didn't feel comfortable with his size he'll breed she said that he could be unpredictable because I got him at a year a sholde and don't know about his past she asked my boyfriend if he would have my dog boarded the whole time while she was here he brought it up three days ago and I immediately said no he asked me if I would think about it and I said no again now he's angry with me I'm fine with her staying with us fine with her staying for two weeks fine with having to move our office around and buy a bed to accommodate her I'm fine with her staying here by herself while we're at work I'm fine with all of that but I draw the line at leaving tank at a boarding facility for two weeks straight I've never done something like that with him I don't want to risk anything I even looked into it just at the pricing and it's too expensive this is his home he deserves to stay here I've never had a problem with her before but this is ridiculous she's never met tank in person before but she gets a lot of pictures and videos of him and when we video chat with her sometimes she joins in she's never said anything about her concerns before I feel like she's judging him before she even meets him he isn't a bad dog but she doesn't want him at the apartment while he's there at all am I the a-hole because I won't bored tank while she visits my personal judgement is not the a-hole that dog is like another family member in the house and she doesn't get to dictate hey I want this kid out of my house this dog is like a kid to me send him to a freakin a baby shop down the road they can deal with him for two weeks I don't want your kid in my house it's like that's not okay you can't put that on someone and the husband is so spineless for not sticking up for the wife he's agreeing with the mother baby then baby boy get out of here baby boy not the a-hole she can stay at a hotel he's not a book you can pick up and put down at your leisure he's a living breathing animal who needs his routine comforts and recognizable surroundings dog boarding at a decent place is so expensive anyway basically the cost of a human hotel no way the open should shoulder those costs so boyfriend can pay for mom's hotel or mom can someone needs to dish out that amount not the a whole self invited guests do not get to dictate the conditions of their stay your boyfriend should have your back on this reminder the point of dating is not to do whatever it takes to hold on to your significant other or make them happy it is to be yourself stand by your values and see if the two of you are compatible and whether either is Akiba do you not back down on this RP says I've made myself perfectly clear to him tank stays in the apartment I'm not sending him somewhere else so that she can be more comfortable here she decided to come here and I'm not mad about that I'm happy she's visiting my boyfriend does not get to see her that often because she lives so far away he's happy she's coming and I won't take that away from him but when she says she was coming to visit we honestly were expecting her to stay in a hotel we've been dating for four years and we honestly don't have any real issues this is the first real thing that's come up but like it or not I made a commitment to tank when I adopted him and I'm not about to drop him off at a stranger's place for two weeks mother-in-law yeah you're welcome to stay whenever you wish but this is tanks home and his presence is a condition of you staying with us if that makes you uncomfortable you are more than welcome to find a hotel Thank You dusty old burns very cool not the a-hole you are being accommodating as it is to be frank your boyfriend's mother is rude you don't make demands when you're a guest in someone's home you make demands of hotels I would suggest that if she doesn't alike tank then she should book herself into one update am I the a-hole for not sending my dog to boarding while my boyfriend's mother visits after a week of angry silence waiting for each other to bring this up i bypassed my boyfriend and went to his mom I reached outs talked about her feelings for tank it started out pleasant then I told her that boyfriend said he wanted my dog boarded and I asked why she didn't feel comfortable with tank direct quotes you don't know what his past is he's big and unpredictable and I don't want to be staying with that it would be different if he knew but you don't I just don't feel comfortable sharing his space with a dog that may attack me for going pee in the middle of the night or grabbing a cup of water I was angry and I didn't want to scream in to make her upset so I very politely said if you don't feel comfortable living with tank for two weeks even though your own son has been since August you can stay in a hotel when you visit and I hung up on her boyfriend got home a few hours later and was angry because I talked to her made her upset and hung up on her now she thinks I hate her and he said I wasn't being fair to her I asked why he wanted me to board tanks so badly boyfriend knows he wouldn't attack her or do anything aggressive towards her and all he had to say was boiled down to can you just do it to make this whole thing easier he's a dog we argued at some point in circles her tank is a dog he doesn't get rights in the apartment and things got worse when I asked what would happen in the future if we were still together and she decided to visit when we were living in a house Kirk kind of unbelievable Millennials owning a home laughable stop buying avocados it eats you can't afford a house now he said that would be different because we could put him in another room or something so my dog has to be penalized for living in our home with us when your mum visits I said it on my last post and I'll say it again when I adopted tank I took on responsibility of taking care of him making him my first priority treating him with respect as he is a living creature I see him as I would a child I do the same things for him as someone does for a child he is family for pores or knots I made a clear choice that night while his mother may still be visiting whenever it is safe to do so it won't be in this apartment we came at Ruth this and other things we talked about a big and can't be ignored we realized we don't want the same things and that's not something you can compromise on so this all started with my what I thought would eventually be my future mother-in-law wanting me to board my dog and ended up with a million boyfriend mutually breaking up after four years of dating we understand in the long run that it wouldn't have worked out thankee reddit for making me realize we needed to have this conversation it was important and I'm glad it was done now and not later down the road you handled that like a boss feel proud of yourself seconded this was handled beautifully you are an excellent fer parents and you've dealt with this difficult situation incredibly well tank is really lucky to have you I adopted a dog last week my first adoption career changed service dog and I've spent way too much time worrying about how new dog er was fitting into the pack and how it's affecting them they're much older and it's a change of routine and Opie was basically asked to put the dog in storage and BR agreed with her yeah they aren't on the same page agreed anyone who would rather be prejudiced against a dog like that and not even treat them like a living breathing creature who also can have emotions and other traits shared with humans clearly doesn't care about them in the slightest there's a very good reason my dogs a man's best friend Wow this is a crazy story but I think you did the right thing don't hate me but I really don't like dogs my friends have a dog and when I go there I expect to have to deal with the dog that's just a part of visiting keeping the dog off me or in another room if he gets too rowdy is reasonable although I've really not had issues the dog is pretty okay asking them to remove the dog while I am a guest in their home is not reasonable it's not hard I wouldn't visit if I couldn't handle a member of their household could you please just leave your child with a sitter when I come I don't want to be around sticky fingers or those high-pitched voices ill gross posted by user real estate reptile titles am I the a-hole for refusing to sell my rental properties at my fiancees request throw away because you know two years ago I 36 mil proposed to my fiancee 30 female and our wedding is going to be this coming summer when we met we both owned properties she earned a pretty typical luxury townhouse and I earned two properties in the inner city we both agreed that when it was time to car habitate we'd live in her condo I earned an old two-up two-down duplex in a neighborhood that butts right up against an old industrial area which I was living in until we moved together and on the next block I also earned a 4,000 square foot concrete block industrial building I got them as a part of a screaming package deal about 12 years ago when you couldn't give property away in that neighborhood I now rent the duplex to a couple of Hispanic families and god I hope they never leave me best renters ever and I rent half of the factory building to a guy who does HVAC and the other half to some microbrewery hipsters the Palace of gentrification have been at work in this hood about half the time I owned these places and I'm making beaucoup bucks on these rentals I could lose my job tomorrow and not even blink my fiancee does not see it this way ever since we moved in together she's been pestering me to sell the places it's been ramping up the closer we get to the wedding I keep telling her that as long as I earn these places it's practically guaranteed third source of income and would be invaluable if either of us hit a rough patch job wise she doesn't see it that way there all she sees is a potential pile of liquid cash that can go towards wedding honeymoon and upgrades to the living situation we had the biggest blow up yet about it last Saturday and I kind of lost it I'm a saver and she's a spender and I sent that to her in far less pleasant terms and also mentioned the amount of credit card debt she has and since then things have been pretty frosty am I the a-hole for refusing to sell my second income um don't know why that's a question you're a saver and you can absolutely see where you're at I absolutely wouldn't be surprised if he signed a prenup with this one and got her to sign a prenup because he knows what his wife is like and I'm surprised that he's left that out of the post at all Arpi says in the comments I see some people asking about the amounts and what it would be spent on I won't go into exact details but the amount is a lot a lot more than I'll probably ever see in one lump sum in my lifetime again the upgrades to the living stitch would most likely be her selling her condo to and her finding the biggest house she can find at the ragged edge of what we can afford and to us moving there combining finances I'm perfectly happy with her three-bedroom townhouse even if we have kids it's more than enough room in my opinion since we've moved together she's been handling the mortgage and I've been paying most of the day-to-day bills between her townhouse her Aldi and her credit cards she's got a lot of debts but she has a great career and isn't having trouble paying down but she doesn't save much of what's left if you're comfortable owning the properties don't sell they are security it sounds like your fiance wants to spend your money isn't planning on ending her debt so much is buying more crap you seriously need to rethink this engagement and plan on a prenup no refusals if he go through with this you have been very thoughtful and wise about your financial planning no matter how much your fiance makes she has no security at all and she doesn't have a plan except for liquidating your assets to afford her future spending edits I personally would not marry someone who hasn't worked on paying down their debt the whole time I've known him that would be my red flag your mileage may vary RP says I will be having a sit-down with her this coming weekend we're both off work into all of your rights this needs to be hashed out more your situation is pretty common on this sub you have some available wealth and your partner is both entitled and has poor personal finance skills yikes and the credit card debts I recommend a quick perusal of the AR slash personal finance prime directive before you talk with your partner and there's a link I wish you the best and please keep us updated with the outcome not the a-hole when you marry someone there are lots of things that you have to let go and not start wellbore three over them you just acquiesce and move on this is not one of them it's perfectly fine to be firm to tell your fiance that you have seriously considered what she is asking and you have made a final decision not to sell and you won't be discussing this anymore and if she continues bringing it up you will seriously question her motivation and financial responsibility prior to this marriage if you need to put the wedding on hold for a bit while you hash this out that is perfectly fine the big three disagreements that destroy marriages are disagreements on children religion and finances you are absolutely arguing about a huge importance potentially destructive issue here I've already made it extremely clear that the issue is non-negotiable as long as I'm alive able and willing here these properties are staying with me yeah probably is time to start delaying the wedding until you're confident she understands and accepts this she doesn't have to be happy about it but she does need to accept it it's not an ultimatum she may accuse you of issuing one but it is an important issue that must be put to rest before you are married and here's a nice one there was a comment deleted by user but I like Opie's replying I don't know what the user was saying I hope he says one yeah I locked out big time with this initial purchase - I do my own mechanical and remodel work I farm out envelope stuff roofing windows siding and flooring three she has way more debt I pay the non mortgage household bills but she insists on the mortgage herself which is in addition to her students CC and car debts for we've been planning as if I'm not selling anything what she wants is for me to cash out so things can be changed for the more extravagant for the wedding and after her which I dislike immensely updates am I the a-hole for refusing to sell my rental properties at my fiance's request so the conversation didn't happen until the weekend of the 14th of March life got in the way it started fine but it quickly went south and ended in a big fight that degenerated into a lot of petty crap slinging by the end she accused me of not trusting her which is fair I pointed out that her habits made it basically impossible to trust her with money anyway probably not my proudest moments but I did make it clear that in no uncertain terms that the properties are staying in the limited liability company and I won't sell them and that the financial decisions regarding them would be mine alone I may have also had a few choice words about the princess for a day wedding that she wanted after a couple of weeks of avoiding each other and not talking and me sleeping in the basement of the townhouse I said I wanted to hit the pause button and leave for a while she was upset but didn't say much I loaded up my things and went to my parents house and told them what happened they told me I could stay as long as I needed somewhere near the end of April I got a call from her dad out of the blue what the hell demanding to know what was going on and why I'd broken things off I tried to explain what had been going on but he was the angry dad of an upset young woman and I don't think much got through that call ended with him calling me a scumbag and hanging up on me I've only had a few properly long-term relationships and in my lifetime but that's the first time I've had an angry father yell at me about one there's been no contact since I'm sad that just over four years of my life with someone went up and smoked like this but that's the way she goes I guess my parents didn't seem very surprised when I showed up so maybe I really was the last one to know what was going on like so many relatives were pointing out for some good news and also the thing that reminded me to update my reddit post is that yesterday I bought another house one for me to live in a tiny little brick post-war brick ranch in an old subdivision about 20 minutes away from my rentals it needs work but I'm looking forward to having a project to take my mind off things it's gonna be strange living on my own again but I think I'll manage Jesus if my new partner in spouse to be had basically a third income I would be high-fiving every freaky I met about how lucky we were damn dude good job getting out of that one it must be really hard seeing four years disappear but sometimes we don't see the real person until it's too late yeah but the princess for a day wedding given a choice between princess for a day or princess for a lifetime it turned out to be no princess at all myself I'd even take slightly less worried about money for a lifetime over any length of princessing why do people always call it four years lost the purpose of life is to live a happy fulfilled life the years we live and not some build up to some grand climax four years living with a girlfriend where everyone is still nice and thoughtful to each other is life well spent I would take it any day to put loveless joyless married life filled with either fights or cold-shoulder's ending in a messy bitter divorce that I would consider four years wasted it can be four years wasted if you see it as four less years with someone you end up spending the rest of your life with obviously not how meeting people and partners actually works but emotionally it can feel like time was taken away from being spent with the that's a good point I like that one yeah good choice dude I could not imagine putting up with someone like that I like to save and spend as little as possible I also can't get selling all the properties just to turn around and waste it all for a huge wedding or honeymoon also since the comments on the other poster locked I'll ask er can someone please explain to me when them being a landlord makes you an a-hole I could get if Opie was a crappy landlord but some of the comments were just calling him an a-hole for just renting out properties probably because we're all trapped renting because wealth when managed properly tends to grow exponentially and is hoarded in families through generations so all the property is owned by a small percentage of people like Opie who can afford to live off passive income alone while the rest of us who weren't born lucky barely cover ever-increasing rent cost with stagnant wages and rapid inflation slowly rising while we struggle not to drown in a river of figurative crap that is our lives or something like that edits this is upset a bunch of people save you whining I really don't give a crap posted by user Diddy up titles am I the a-hole for not wanting to get rid of my gang tattoos for the sake of my daughter I spent seven years in prison and I got out three years ago I'm now thirty I was a criminal and a horrible person I did a lot of screwed up stuff most of it related to my gang I currently have a two-year-old daughter Mia me and the mum are not married but we share custody of Mia when Mia was born I was already halfway out the door of the gang and the birth of Mia gave me the push I needed I moved away with Mia and her mum and we tried our best to start over I love Mia with all my heart she saved my life I have a lot of gang-related tattoos and I do mean a lot they are pretty predominantly displayed on me and too noticeable Mia's mother has been after me to get rid of them or cover them up with other tattoos the thing is I don't want to do that it's not that I'm proud of them or like them it's that they remind me of how far I've come and I don't want to forget it I don't want to forget what happy I don't think I should get to just forget it like that I eventually broke down and told her this after she asked me again yesterday about it she got super upset with me and said that I needed to do it for the sake of our daughter and that if I didn't then that meant I missed the life she also said that I was putting my daughter in danger because somebody could recognize my tattoos and caused trouble for me I told her I haven't been in that life for years and that it's unfair for her to say that as she knows that I love Mia I'm honestly conflicted I've gone back and forth about what to do with my tattoos and I thought that I had reached a reasonable decision am i the a-hole so for me this is an issue that was pressed so hard back at home just because someone has tattoos on their body it does not make them a bad person and you cannot judge them for their decisions bike gangs are a huge thing back in Australia and absolutely I do not judge anyone or feel that they're lower than me just because of those tattoos in this situation I don't think that Opie is the a-hole I think that the wife is being very judgemental of his past and that it's not always gonna put you in danger it's obvious she fell in love with the person that this man is or she created this bond with this man because of the state he was in initially changing that will change your perception of this person it's not always going to be for the better you're the a-hole but only gently though you don't need your tattoos to remember you don't need anything to remember how far you've come if anything your daughter could be that for you letting you know how far you've come and how far she is going to go I know you want to keep them as a memory but it's okay to let them go now her mother is right in that it could be dangerous not just gangs trying to start trouble but you could be unnecessarily harassed by police due to the tattoos as well you sound like a wonderful dad and I hope everything goes well thanks what if instead of keeping them you covered them with something that's more representative of who you are now then when you look at them you were reminded of what was there and the amazing changes you've made in your life good luck with everything I agree that's also a very good idea their info she writes could the tattoos cause trouble for your daughter if recognized I'm pretty sure she's rights it's a prime reason a lot of ex cang members get tats removed Plus what they represents hope II can never feel safe while he is visibly branded and I do wonder if that is why he's resistance to removing and covering them he may not feel that he deserves to feel safe but his child does RP says we no longer live in the city where most of my stuff went down I haven't been involved in anything shady since I got outs and they've never been a problem where we live right now you're the a-hole but I get where you're coming from you don't need a physical reminder of your past that past landed you in prison and your daughter's mother has a point in regards to your tattoos potentially causing a problems for you in the future if it's truly in your past let it go and cover them up I think your reasoning is good and it's your right to decide so I vote no one's the a-hole here but you should be aware that it's a pretty common response for normal non criminal people to be revolted when they see people with gang tattoos like you and you're always going to be Mia's father the gangbanger that the other parents don't trust yes however and I don't mean to sound full of myself I have done a pretty good job of turning my life around that's something you can be proud of but the perception of your parents does matter if they can see your tattoos then they will make assumptions that include the idea that you're still involved with gang activity it won't matter whether you're right or wrong it will impact your daughter's life if she gets them to me known as the daughter of a gangbanger update am I the a-hole for not wanting to get rid of my gang tattoos for the sake of my daughter I listen to what everyone told me and one person in particular who suggested that I get Mia to draw something to cover up some of my tattoos well I got her to do that and they covered up some of the most significant ones with her drawings they all turned out beautifully and I'm so grateful for the idea I'm working on incorporating my remaining tattoos into a new design as other people also suggested I'm also trying to work through the existing feelings they have regarding my old gang Mia's mother has been very supportive regarding all of this and our relationship has been a work in progress - it's been a work in progress but seeing my tattoos turn into something that I love has been a very cathartic experience thanks all I love that I'm seeing an ahole judgment actually end up well receiving the judgement of a whole didn't close your mind it opened it good for you congratulations men gang-related prisoners have an 83 percent five-year recidivism rates compared to 45 percent or so for the general public you've done something very difficult and you should be proud of that sending good feelings your way thank you hoping I can also get back to school at some points reach out to the people and organizations and ask for help because you are the exact person who they want to help someone who wants to do work to improve their own life I know you probably don't believe me but you are or that you're worthy of help but you are more than worthy you are the type of person that anyone you contact for help will go out of their way to help because again they want to work with people like you who want to do better you are the exact type of person they want into a helping profession to help thank you so much I don't feel like I deserved it the help but that's another thing I have to work on if you want the help you deserve it am I the a-hole for calling a friend out on her subpar riding skills I 19 female I'm in a group chat with some high school friends where someone mentioned their future career preference and their backup option it started a whole thread where everyone shared the same one girl I will call her B said she wanted to become an author now I will admit to something I have never said to anyone before B can't write she butchers the grammar doesn't have a good vocabulary has been vehemently opposed to criticism from teachers all through high school and tends to write characters of an ethnicity / nationality she knows next to nothing about however I have always believed writing is a learning process and every writer improves with time I have always supported her and even edited her lit assignments after 14 minutes yes I went back and counted of talking about her future is northa when no one said anything negative I asked what her backup was simply because everyone mentioned one and she didn't she never responded later I was sent screenshots of a new chat she created specifically excluding me which was filled with rants about how I know nothing about writing as a serious career and will always be stuck in my fanfiction world and that I think making everyone gay will sell books this is a dig at the fact that I've been writing fanfiction since I was 13 but I mostly write lgbtq+ protagonists because I enjoy creating representation for my community she called me Islamophobic and terrify Bixler's and said i was trying to put her down when i couldn't write a decent realistic piece to save my life never mind the fact that my articles have been published in newspapers four times before and I've one district and state level poetry competitions all through school I have never compared my work with hers never said anything to put her down ever I don't know why she got so angry but seeing the crap she sent about me ticked me off and AIPMT saying bigotry is only going to be as helpful in life as your atrocious writing skills most of our friends were on my side when she sent them screenshots but to texted me saying she has been crying and that she is feeling betrayed that I won't stand by her apparently her family tried to talk her out of pursuing a future as an author and she is very sensitive she thought I was suggesting she would need to have a strong backup because I thought she had no future in literature they also told me I should know that she isn't a bigot in any sense and that she was angry and I didn't have to hurt her worse over something that basically didn't count as her opinion because it was given in a rage that's not an excuse sorry she has been really quiet on social media her sister called me an hour ago saying I should talk to her because she felt like I disrespected her and gave up on our friendship I'm starting to think my second texts to her went out of line and I'm basically looking for a neutral party tell me if I was wrong edits to confirm stuff and cites examples of some things she said that ticked me off I have supported her through everything as much as I could I have never said a peep about her stories ever and quietly edited her pieces when she asked I feel like I have done my part in supporting her and would have continued to if she hadn't thrown the f-word around called trans individuals and writers who write trans individuals delusional and proceeded to call my granddad a terrorist for being Muslim guess I should have elaborated there yeah absolutely Opie is not the a hole in this one that girl is living a delusional reality needs a wake-up call needs a reality check she was so out of line with saying that and then having everyone back her up it doesn't count because she was angry God is everything that anyone's ever sent to you in a rage did you not take it personally just cuz they're angry no don't think so one more Sauvignon Blanc says not the a-hole she started a group specifically to attack and criticize you because you asked her a reasonable question that is way out of line nasty and she sounds like a bully honestly if people can dish it out then they should be able to take it she got angry she attacked you you got angry and responded and people who were in that group didn't object to it that's what baffles me they did most of them are on my side and immediately reached out to tell me what happens she is crazy my friend is a saxophone player and in middle school I point-blank asked him what he would do if things didn't work out because it's such a hard field to break into he admitted he did not know and we talked about it with no hard feelings you merely pointed out that she didn't have a backup and asked what it was a highly reasonable low stakes question because even great writers do not become JK Rowling and she used it as an excuse to be homophobic drop her like a hot potato not the a-hole you haven't provided any pluses for maintaining a friendship with her are you looking to mend fences with her for the sake of the larger group she is very immature and jealous of your success as a pod author these are reasons to pity her and not hold on to anger for the horrible things she's said it doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards to assuage her insecurities good luck and please continue to write I wrote when I was a teenager and then life got in the way I've recently returned to it don't let that happen to you not the a-hole she wants to call you out after she didn't respond to a simple question tough luck to her if she gets messaged back or called out herself not the a-hole your friend is way too sensitive getting an agent let alone getting a book published is very difficult and requires a bit of a backbone your work is going to be criticized and critiqued edits are going to be suggested and requested she responded to your perceived criticism in an extreme way what is she gonna do when she sends a book to an agent for the first time I have a BA in creative writing I have been praised all my life for my writing I have won awards for my fiction writing I have maintained a rather successful freelance writing business as a side gig for the last decade Amaya Rida no it did not work out for me just like the vast majority of people who think they will be writers I sure his crap wish someone had asked me what my backup plan was because it turned out to be spinning my wheels waiting tables writing fiction is a stupid hard career path and most people fail spectacularly I switched gears got a master's in accounting and worked in finance I like what I do and am very happy with how things turned out but I would have saved a lot of time and a lot of money had I put a back-up plan into place when I was 19 not the a-hole updates am I the a-hole for calling a friend dad on her subpar writing skills holy hell was there more to this issue that I knew first of all thanks to all of you who took the time to read and help me out double thanks to those of you who supported the fanfic writer bits I was very hurt by her comments but call me a pushover I didn't feel right ending years-long friendship like that I reached out to her and whatever I'm putting on here is the gist of that conversation I explained how my first message wasn't meant to insult or belittle at all and that I only asked because everyone else stated their backup and I thought she merely for God's I told her that while I did not enjoy her riding it was no reason for her to continue or discontinue and that I never meant otherwise she simply apologized for her hurtful messages she didn't give a single justification I asked her what happens there here is where I clarify that since some of you assumed I have behaved condescendingly I wanted to make sure I didn't and asked some common friends they said I hadn't the only reason I stated my staff had been published or awarded was so people don't assume I had no idea what I was seeing or was jealous of her guess that backfired law I don't run around lording it over anyone's head especially since I am NOT looking at a career in literature she says she has and a quota idolized me ever since middle school now that I look back I can see a pattern of her copying everything I do she picked up the same languages as me watched the same shows wore the same sort of outfits etc obsessing over my social media posts and singling me out as her partner in every project through the years she has been fangirling she said she was aware she wasn't a good writer long story short she admitted she was so worked up over getting my approval that she took my reply the wrong way and had a mini crying Fitz even I encouraged her to follow her hearts I didn't even touch the issue of backups in careers and dull and that I was sorry that I made her cry but it didn't excuse her racism and homophobia she agreed she was completely out of line but also swore they and not her views and that she intentionally said all that because she knows that I have worked in an NGO for four years now and I'm a bit of a social activist I am sad that it had to end like this but I can't call someone who has said all those things about my grandfather of friends and meanings she said she wasn't going to force a friendship on me and we wished each other good luck I have something of a sway over our batch and clearly told them all that I won't ever ask them to pick between either of us sir that's how it ended thank you all again good day and stay safe wherever you are sounds like it's for the best that your friendship ended keep writing it sounds like an amicable split and I really hope it is but I'm cautious about someone who uses homophobic and racist terminology simply because they know it'll weren't if she's been idolizing you make sure she doesn't reinvest that energy in a negative way now that your relationship has gone sour she may have presented as an adult during the splits but it's her behavior from here that will be telling that part bothered me too I have friends who I could call names and hurt them but I'm not a homophobe or a racist so that would never occur to me to use that sort of language let alone actually go through with it it bothers me it reminds me of when Paula Deen said she wasn't racist she only said the n-word when she was angry at a black person rings just as holler if hurting someone by using that language is more important to them than not using that language out of Shia moral principle then they are bigoted you don't get to pick and choose context it's a blanket deal I don't know if that could be taken as me disagreeing or something I agree with you I just wanted to elaborate on my views building on your original points posted by user step-siblings am I the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for kicking my step-brother out of my car after he grabbed the steering wheel my stepbrothers car broke down and needed a ride to school we both leave at the same time so I agreed to take him in mine I still don't know why he did this spit on the freeway he put his hand on the steering wheel and honked the horn I lost it I told him to never fudging do that again and how that's dangerous as hell and rude I kicked him out of my car as soon as we were off the freeway it was only a five minute walk to school but I wasn't gonna drive him anymore after that incidents when I got home his dad was ticked at me saying how dumb and reckless it was to leave him out there and I basically told him that he's 17 and can walk for five minutes and I just went to my room my mom came in a couple minutes later and grounded me for a week am i the a-hole edits when he grabbed my horn he turned the wheel to absolutely not the a-hole he's so stupid doing that and it came out of nowhere of course he can suffer the consequences of getting the hell out of the car she's lucky he didn't get pulled over on the side of the highway and be like all right make you a from here see you later sucker not the a halt your rides he's 17 and can walk for five minutes not the a-hole it is amazingly dangerous for someone else to grab the wheel and honk the horn he can walk the whole way if he needs to learn that lesson and your mom and his dad shouldn't be supporting him in this info did the parents even know he did this if it was me then this would so definitely be the hill to die on better to stake a claim to the hill than knots and actually die because of stupid crap like this I'm on your side here a car is not a toy it's a two-ton chunk of metal and rubber that kills hundreds of people every day not the a-hole I'd probably say something like this by punishing me you are affirming that his dangerous behavior is acceptable I would be happy to give him rides in the future if I were convinced that he understood the gravity of the situation and that you agreed that it's too dangerous to do again I'll make him sit in the back seat in the future yeah we're talking about someone that reached over the driver and did something dangerous that's also possible from the back I'd still not want them in my car until I was convinced they understood the severity of what they did but I like the sideways way that you think that didn't even occur to me screw that he'll be going with his sister to school till his car is fixed I'm not screwing around with him anymore did you accidentally respond to me instead of the person I was responding to because my message was intended to be that even in the backseat the guy is a dangerous hazard and who seemed to agree with that sentiments yeah my bad the other guy will see this not the a-hole your stepbrother and everyone else should know that he's not entitled to be a jerk in anyone's car but his own updates am I the a-hole for kicking my step-brother out of my car after he grabbed the steering wheel a lot of you guys said I should tell my mom and stepdad what my step-brother did and that's exactly what I did I told them that he grabbed the wheel to honk the horn and that it moved the wheel I didn't expect either of them to act this way cuz they always tell me off when I have any sort of issues with any of my steps but my mom and stepdad were ticked and tore him a new one they ungrounded me and grounded him my step-brother is mad at me for snitching on him but oh well it's his fault not mine so yeah things are better and I'm not grounded anymore so there is that thank you all for the comments he could have killed you and he snitched first I was driving around with this girl that I liked a few years back and she always tried to be edgy or whatever think I wish I was dead lalla just kidding but not just kidding haha humor sometimes one night we were driving around having a deep conversation about something after spending a really awesome day together she grabbed my wheel while I was driving like 45 miles per hour down the road and tried to pull the wheel hard thankfully she wasn't too strong but she was genuinely trying to turn my wheel that could be misconstrued a few ways I pushed her off and was reasonably very upset I drove her home I told a mutual friend of ours about it and they said I should be more sensitive because the girl is bipolar I counted by saying she might have literally just tried to kill us both my friend her best friend said she was obviously kidding around and shaking the car and I'm a dick for implying anything else they were both then mad at me for a while but what my friend doesn't understand is just how hard this girl was pulling my wheel very odd makes you think trust the people you get in the car with I don't associate with either of them anymore for many reasons but I don't need that crap in my life for opie I understand the feeling in your stomach when someone grabs your wheel I can't blame them for kicking that kid outs no excuse just here to point out that in no wages being bike polar excuse reckless behavior I say that as someone with bipolar disorder it may provide context but it doesn't justify her behavior whether she was joking or attention-seeking or serious I hope she got some help and her friend pulled their head out of her ass yeah mental illness may be an explanation but no excuse having a mental illness means you have to work on it's not that your environment has to accept everything but he snitched on you he's mad that his little stint to get me in trouble failed and now he's in trouble it's whatever he can be mad I like your attitude about accepting and not caring that he's mad I wish more people would have that attitude when others try to manipulate the situation by sulking or getting angry when they're clearly in the wrong no need to sacrifice yourself for a bully I mean why do I care if he's mad at me we aren't really close and I don't talk to him often he will get over it you shouldn't and it's a great attitude but unfortunately it's not a common enough one the crap people will put up with to avoid someone else being mad is insane for me I just don't care I don't search out people to hate me or be mad I just do what I do people get over everything eventually posted by user dying is stressful isn't it ever'body titled would I be the a-hole if I take over planning my funeral from my very religious parents hello all well if it isn't obvious already from the title I am dying I don't feel the details are super relevant to the issue at hand but for those of you who are curious about my ultimate demise I have cystic fibrosis and after two rejected lung transplants I've been told there isn't anything else they can do except keep me comfortable in my last few weeks I've begun my preparations for my funeral and such and while I was thinking it would be a breath of fresh air in this whirlwind of death I could not have been more wrong now on to the title my parents are both strict Southern Baptists and want a very traditional funeral this includes hymns to be sung during the memorial a casket and graveside service of viewing countless prayers during the memorial scriptures to be read etc my issue with this is well everything I am the complete opposite of my parents not religious curse like a sailor drink like the Irish you name it everything they are wanting and attempting to plan is not me as a person I've somehow made it to 25 an advantage to meet the man of my dreams and marry him last year and he is torn he wants me to have it exactly as I once he just doesn't want to have to deal with my parents after the facts while actively grieving I have two siblings one of which is a client of my parents and one that is a mixture of my parents and myself I want my service to be one full of laughter funny stories and pictures upbeat music cats my husband and I are in avid cat lovers I want confetti and crap you know but more importantly I want to be cremated and put in a fudging cat shaped urn I told my husband I wanted my ashes to be handed out like party favors so my family and friends can take them with them because I love to travel and he looked horrified my parents are absolutely not on board and are essentially planning everything how they want attempting to take me shopping for a casket flowers picking out hymns and verses the whole deal I'm obviously not very pleased so I guess my question would be would I be the a-hole if I took control of my own funeral and wrote a will to be followed exactly how I wanted I understand my parents are grieving and have tried to compromise with a mixture of both my views and theirs but they aren't having it i never thought tying would be so fudging stressful and i just want to enjoy what time i have left without leaving a bomb of emotions in disappointment behind please help TLDR I am dying and my parents want to plan a funeral that isn't me as a person and it's I should clarify the ashes as party favor thing I wanted my closest friends and family to go home with a vial or something of the sword of my ashes that way they could do with them as they please not everyone will get a piece of me as strange as that sounds and it - holy crap I was not expecting this thank you seriously I've read every comments and I wish I could reply to every single one that's the goal so please be patient with me thank you to everyone for the kind words and messages it's been so overwhelming and if I were a cat's I would be making biscuits and purring until I keeled over I'm putting down everything that I once and we'll be approaching my parents in order to find a compromise yes funerals are for the living and being able to remember that person for who they were I am NOT all of those things my parents wanted me to be and I want them to understand this as they deal with my passing I am willing to compromise so wish me luck I will attempt to keep up with everything and as lame as this sounds I'm awful living my best life and trying to do something different every day so I won't always have my phone tomorrow we're traveling to the fudging Everglades so I can watch my husband be terrified while on an airboat it's gonna be awesome Oh actually like hiding reading this one because I don't want to read the update but yeah I absolutely not do the a hole in this situation I don't think there's any way that you could be parents of they suck you can't just take over your own kids wedding especially when they're married and they have their own life that's wrong with you not the a-hole it's literally your funeral you sound like an awesome person worth celebrating thank you definitely double check that the will is actually binding in this regard I specialize in estate management in new zealand's and funeral instructions are not legally binding you can also start the ball rolling by starting preparations with a chosen funeral home if they've already received money and instructions from you as a clients they're more likely to adhere to them I'm very sorry you're going through this I hope you can get things arranged how you wish funeral instructions aren't legally binding in the UK either but when I did my will last year I advised to write a letter of intent to go with my will that lays it all out how I want things nothing can be done against my next of kin if they disagree but it's clearly there in black and white and crystal you lose good days this is Kitty for this case with the next of kin being the husband help the parents can't steamroll him nor in Canada sadly advanced directives and knots either communicate your wishes to your family and husband and prepare as much as you can in advance Opie as others have said Opie you sound like a good person worth celebrating if you don't want a glum feeling traditional ceremony then absolutely make the changes you would like not the a-hole at all not the a-hole please write it in your will exactly how you want it your parents is so inconsiderate as an agnostic individual I would feel betrayed if I knew my parents were planning my funeral as religious as they possibly can and burying me instead of putting my ashes into a cherry blossom tree I don't care if they are grieving they need to respect you even if you're not there to see it I didn't even think about having a tree planted I absolutely adore cherry blossoms perhaps I can have something like that arranged I just don't want to disrespect anyone after I'm gone it's not disrespectful to plan your funeral and don't write up somewhere that once you've been cremated we can be planted into a tree I love the idea and it's as if I can live on through the tree and my spirit is in the tree even though my body has passed here it is here's the update update would I be the a-hole if I took over planning my own funeral for my very religious parents hello everyone first of all thank you for all the kind words supports and his love that everyone has offered and given these weeks have been the most difficult I've ever experienced and it is with great sadness that I tell you all that my beautiful and crack cat crazy wife has passed I've had to cut this short due to character limits sorry all but she did leave all of you a notes reddit's I've copied everything verbatim below she truly loved and was smiling so much after her first post I'll take my leave here much love reddit if you're reading this I'm dead pretty crazy to be talking to a dead person eh it feels a bit strange to be writing this if this feels a bit disconnected I'm sorry I have to take frequent breaks as I get tired pretty quickly now my husband offered to write these words such as sweet ham I know be nice to him okay but I wanted my last ones to be written by me long story short we talked to my parents a lot of people asked about why my husband wasn't planning the funeral and my parents were taking control honestly my parents didn't take the news of my passing to come well and I suppose their closure was to try and take control of what they could I'm not angry at them for it I understand they had already prepaid a large portion of the service and to put it plain and simple it was a crap hand that they were doubts so we talked to them I laid it all out for them and somehow we reached a compromise lots of Tears lots of hugs and surprisingly lots of laughs they admitted that they had been losing their faith with everything that had happened and their way to attempt to find it again was to take control and guide me into the afterlife not my thing though and I explained that I am NOT them but their daughter who wanted to live her last weeks in peace not the turmoil that they were putting me through and while a lot of people stated that funerals are for living true true I firmly believe that a funeral is for the living to remember that person is who they were not what anyone else wanted them to be my parents seemed to understand what I told them that they were not on board with the party favor aspect there which is kind of a bummer pretty lucky to plan my own funeral honestly but now that that is all said and done thank you guys I was blown away by the responses I was moved to tears and I wish I had had the chance to meet every single one of you you all be good now alright take it one day at a time and just enjoy yourself you only get one life unless you're someone who has survived death then you're just defining hero and probably a cat with a few lives to spare I love you all I'm resting easy now this disease CIND I'm happy to be rid of it and laugh and love and cry and be sad crap happens I've got to go now I'm gonna go snuggle my husband in my cats keep it real ready I love you all I'm not crying you're crying that's beautiful thank you I pee alright guys I hope you enjoyed that one today that was really really good and sad way to end this episode but I hope you guys enjoyed this one I didn't want to go through that but hey it's I feel like you guys wanted to hear it as well sir am I the a-hole for asking my mom to stop telling people about my boyfriend's butt crack this is ridiculous but my mom thinks I'm being a stuck-up meanie so here goes due to recent events the Uni dome closed down and my boyfriend 19 and died 19 female moved in with my parents we do our part to contribute and mainly stay in our room when we're there anyways so there hasn't been any problems we bought a new bedroom door handle with a lock many moons ago but sometimes forget to lock it well we used to forget but now we always lock it because a few months ago in the middle of the morning my mum busted into my room while we were sleeping to retrieve a pair of her shoes that I had borrowed the day before and we were half naked obviously and my boyfriend was wearing only boxes and allegedly had a bit of a booty crack poking out she was in and out of there before either of us could wake up cue the next day she tells me I saw boyfriend's butt crack and I am traumatized that is just not natural and she recounted the entire story from her perspective she wasn't serious he was laughing a lot like it was the most hilarious thing I was a little annoyed that she didn't even try to knock or anything but I figured it was my fault for not locking the door whatever but then she proceeded to tell everyone like my dad my brother my brother's wife all the auntie's her friends random people with those same two lines she told me laughing like it was the punchline of the year it's been months and she's still telling people my boyfriend is so shy and this has really embarrassed him and creeped him out he doesn't like that she's so obsessed with his butt crack sir I in an admittedly annoyed tone told her to stop and that it's weird and she got offended and thinks I'm stuck-up am I the a-hole notes she's Heike very predatory and makes sexual comments about us a lot like she can't help but comment on my boobs if I'm wearing a tight shirt and she talks about how I have a fat ass and she said she'd date my boyfriend if she was my age and she brings up the idea of my boyfriend and I having sex a lot the list goes on so this was basically the icing on the cake of inappropriate comments edits my boyfriends butt crack is a standard butt crack I think my mom was referring to her witnessing it as unnatural not the butt crack itself not that that makes much more sense but yeah I think it's pretty obvious here that Opie is not that a hole in this situation that mom is overstepping her boundaries by saying all that stuff and I think she needs a little bit of reality check of what is appropriate because she seems to be pushing a lot of boundaries here not the a-hole your mom seems a little odd I don't want to wildly speculate why but you're right to tell her to stop and it's weird she keeps bringing it up the fact she makes sexual comments about even her child so often is pretty strange not the a-hole yikes Opie your mom sounds like a real piece of work having a bit of friendly banter is fine but having that much of an obsession is disturbing as hell I don't know how much she actually responds to confrontation but I'd say maybe take her aside and have a calm serious conversation with her talk about how uncomfortable it makes both of you feel and how it doesn't seem normal that she acts like that if she's still being stubborn maybe talk to the other person she's told asked what they think of what she has said and how she acts you may be able to find assistance or even just support from them I hope you and your boyfriend are feeling okay though no one should have to feel uncomfortable about their own body like that I'm pretty sure she's a narcissist and that means everything will get twisted or she will suddenly be the victim if I try to confront her or she'll even Gaslight us honestly but thank you to everyone responding that I'm not the a-hole because that makes it harder for us to feel guilty even when guilt-tripped for getting upset she really makes me question my sanity men making sexual comments and sexualizing your own children is not normal it's abusive your mum is abusive and you are right to be angry I hope you move out soon and if you don't have a therapist please contact someone in the earliest opportunity not the a-hole call her out in front of people she says oh my god I saw boyfriends buts God mom I knew you liked younger guys be a fetish for boyfriends but is borderline obsessive yeah I can't think of what else to do given opiez already told her to stop we get it you barged into a room of a sleeping couple without their knowledge or permission saw something completely normal that you wouldn't have seen if he had a shred of normal decency and just knocked and waited and have been telling everyone you know about it ever since like it is the most exciting thing you've ever experienced have you considered getting a hobby so that seeing a crack isn't the most exciting thing that happens to you in your adult life posted by user am i the a hole when funeral throw titled am i the a hole for refusing to leave my 24 year old brother's funeral after cursing out my auntie 55 female I'm not a good storyteller so I'll try to keep this short and sweet last week my family and I 24 male put my twin brother to rest he crashed his motorcycle and the EMTs were not able to arrived in time to save him it's been a lot to deal with since we were making plans to hang out now that restaurants and bars have begun opening back up the funeral was a pretty small family gathering two of my brother's friends came and offered their sympathy which was nice our mum was inconsolable dad did his best to comfort her I stepped out for a minute to have a cigarette before the service trying to decide what I wanted to say about my brother my auntie fifty-five female came out to say hi then brought up how awful she feels for my parents having to bury their own son I nodded and started to say something but then she was like do you think it's really appropriate for you to be here I was so confused like um that's my fudging brother I didn't say that yet I just stared at her like she must be telling some weird joke I settled for are you kidding me then she said with you two being identical twins it must be like seeing a ghost I really think you should leave it might make this easier on your mum I completely lost it I tried to stay firm but calm saying she had no right to say something like that to me but my emotions got the best of me and I started screaming I called her some choice words and my dad came out as I was calling her an evil [ __ ] I admitted that may have been too much and my dad yelled at me not to talk to his sister that way he pulled her back inside and looked at me with this disappointed expression I went back in before the service my aunt sat far from me and didn't acknowledge me for the rest of the day my parents didn't bring it up either a few days later my dad calls and says he wasn't sure what happens but there had been no need to cause such a scene on a day like that I explained myself but he's not replied my cousin thinks I'm a douchebag am I the a-hole absolutely not she absolutely should not have said that to you what was she thinking she's banning you from your own twins funeral why would the mother not want her own son to be there you would regret your whole life if you missed that funeral just because someone told you not to I don't get why everyone's so angry at him maybe that one's twisting the story and that makes me mad absolutely not the a-hole Opie what the hell was your auntie thinking not the a-hole and she was way out of line that's your twin brother you have every single right to be there even more than she would since she's extended family not the a-hole I'm a twin I have no idea what in God's name major aren't think it was appropriate to tell you to get lost from your own twin funeral but the fact that you didn't immediately nuke her from orbit is testament to your kindness I don't think it speaks very well of your family that none of them seem to realize that you need support too as a twin myself I know exactly what it's like to be treated like a duplicate of a person instead of like a person I know how common and infuriating it is but the fact that your aunt actually went so far is to tell you that you shouldn't be around the rest of your own family because you aren't around anymore my head is exploding really not the a whole three times and I'm tremendously sorry for your loss sadly I've seen this crop up a bunch on here and on the various relationships herbs people have a really strange idea about what's appropriate when it comes to identical twins definitely don't blame her P for losing his cool I'm an identical twin and people ask inappropriate crap all the time oh how far apart were you born one minutes Oh mom really shot y'all out huh what's like what in the hell in what world is that appropriate to say to anyone just because I'm a twin it's okay to ask for invasive questions not the a-hole she was out of line when saying you should leave for a stupid reason if anything that kind of negativity doesn't belong at a funeral and it would have been best had she left what astounds me is the audacity to say something so insensitive at a funeral of all places I'd have snapped back with much worse if I was Opie posted by user he jus titled am I the a-hole for making a birthday cake for my daughter when she asked me not to my daughter turned 16 today and she told me not to make a cake she has been on this diet and has asked before if she can go to therapy but since body issues is something everyone goes through she didn't need it but now I'm reconsidering because she looks fine she asked me not to make her a cake but she hasn't had any sweets for over two years and I planned on making her eat it when I brought it out she looked like she was about to have a panic attack she interrupted us singing happy birthday to yell at me she said I told you I didn't want that crap I put the cake down and told her to watch her language because we also have an 8 year old son and 12 year old daughter I told her to just have a piece because the rest of us would and she said well I'm not gonna be fat anymore just like the rest of you none of us have facts ends my 12 year old daughter has been struggling with thinking she is and started crying I began yelling at my 16 year old and she picked up the cake and threw it on the ground I told her to go to her room and she did I didn't tell my husband about the cake either because he's taking her side and he told me that I screwed up big time I told him that now because of her we have to spend the next couple of months convincing my other children that they aren't fat nobody can agree on anything and I can't talk to my 16 year old right now am I the a-hole for making the cake yes yes you are that's borderline extremely abusive to do that to your kid when she's made it abundantly clear that she doesn't want that and doing that between the ages of 14 to 18 in my view kids need stability and supports during those years especially 16 of all and you're going to war with your kid by making that cake for them do you not see how abusive you were being Opie and then not apologizing at all disgusting parenting behavior disgusting I don't I don't condone that at all definitely you're the a-hole Opie I don't blame her for how she reacted you're the a-hole she asked you for therapy you dismiss it she asks you to not bake a cake and you dismiss it maybe you should try listening to her but then she couldn't be a control freak bet you five bucks we're gonna read about Opie on are slash raised by narcissists in the future are P you don't give a damn about what your daughter wants that's probably at least in part why she wants therapy you're the a-hole you're the a-hole you're not the a-hole for making the cake you're the a-hole for refusing to listen to your daughter and willfully ignoring the glaring red flags she's been throwing up she asked you for therapy you declined because you think that body issues are normal and now you're all shocked Pikachu the she and your twelve-year-old have body issues also you were going to make her eat cake how well did you actually see that going your kid is displaying some serious disordered eating signs and apparently has been since she was 13 or 14 but yeah forcing her to eat cake and denying her therapy is the way to go the fact that she planned to make her sixteen-year-old eat birthday cake is pretty insane I see two possibilities here either one the daughter has an e d or two the family generally eats unhealthy food and the daughter is just trying to diet because the sixteen year old has been eating no sweets at all for a while now though and because she asked to go to therapy I think it's way more likely that she has an eating disorder which would not improve by her being forced to eat cake unexposed is by user snoo four five five four aides titles am I the a-hole for choosing a birthday restaurants when my vegetarian girlfriend couldn't eat anything this happened back in February and I really don't think it was that big a deal but my girlfriend still brings it up whenever she's annoyed with me for my birthday my girlfriend offered to take me and my best friend out for dinner she said she would pay for everything as her treat our city has a very hole-in-the-wall type place that specializes in chicken dishes and is pretty popular and I really wanted to check it out and first my girlfriend was on board but then she checked the website and Yelp reviews and found out there was nothing vegetarian on the menu the only two side dishes were rice and refried beans which were cooked with the chicken broth and lod respectively she asked me if I could please choose a restaurant that had a vegetarian option but I said I really wanted to go to this one my girlfriend and I met my friend at the restaurant and had a good time or so I thought but when my girlfriend and I got home she was in a bad mood and said it was really rude of me to pick a restaurant so that excluded her she said she didn't enjoy having to pay to sit there for an hour and watch us eat obviously I wouldn't have chosen this restaurant for a regular date night but it was my birthday and I really don't think it was a big deal to go to a restaurant I wanted to try it for a special occasion it was just one meal am I the a-hole I don't think that this is a real post but I'm still gonna say that Opie is definitely the a-hole for this situation I think they know they're the a-hole think that just in denial and they wanted to strong-arm a decision without the partner being a part of that decision so you suck Opie there you go you're the a-hole if she is paying for the meal then she should be able to eat birthday or not you were super selfish honestly if I were dating a guy and he pulled such a selfish and inconsiderate move I would seriously question if I wanted to remain in that relationship Opie is a massive a-hole I have a vegetarian sister and even when the family gets together at a restaurant for my birthday I still always make sure to pick a place she has plenty of options at it is just part of being a decent human being you're the a-hole you could have checked that place out literally any night with your friend and without your girlfriends how do you think it was acceptable to eat in front of her when there wasn't even a single side dish she could snack on she had to watch you a-holes eat pay for your meals then figure something else out for herself you were incredibly inconsiderate she was nice to still pay for your meals I would have told you to either pick a place I candied something or kick rocks Opie doesn't seem to understand that gift wasn't the food the gift was a fun night out with her appease girlfriend and best friends instead of picking the venue herself I'm taking you out to dinner at place X she lent Oh peaches I'm sure she won't make that mistake again Oh P you would definitely the a-hole and you need to work on your boyfriend skills you're the a-hole you were a huge a-hole you could easily have just gone to a restaurant on your own or with someone else and picked any other place for that night expecting your girlfriend to just sit in watch you eat was incredibly crappy if you want to celebrate your birthday with other people you have to take their needs into account it's not an annual festival of narcissism apologize posted by user chance creator am I the a-hole for telling my stepdaughter to stop using period products in the bathroom she shares with my teenage sons I've been living with my new wife and stepdaughter for about six months now she is 19 almost 20 and I have three sons aged 18 16 and 15 she's a really good kid and she's a good influence on my sons I really enjoy having her around my wife and her daughter moved into my house and sold there's my stepdaughters father isn't present in her life nor is my son's mother all four children share a bathroom my sons have never lived for a long period of time with a woman nor have any of them had long-term girlfriends they had short visitation periods when they were younger but never longer than an hour so living with two women has been unusual for them my eldest son 18 came to me last weekend and told me that his stepsister disposes of her used sanitary products in the trash can they share but doesn't use toilet roll or sandwich bags to disguise what they are and it makes him uncomfortable which i think is reasonable he's 18 my god my son's a teenage boys and don't want to see their stepsisters period products on full display he's a bit older than teenager at 18 but whatever a few nights ago I went into the kitchen to grab a snack and she was there doing some work for University my wife had mentioned that she knew she was on her period so I took it as an opportunity to have a wide with her I told her my sons were uncomfortable and asked if she'd mind putting her used products in diaper bags or flushing them down the toilet she laughed and told me it was rich coming from a man who sheds like a gorilla and has produced three skid markings sons which I thought was just an unnecessary attack I've been nothing but nice to the girl and it's hardly a comparison my son's shouldn't be subjected to her on hygienic products if it makes them uncomfortable she went on to lecture me about how tampons can't be flushed and that it's bad for the environment if she uses diaper bags for everyone which i think is just an excuse I called her a scruff and told her that this was my house and that what I say goes I later asked my wife if she could have a word with her and she told me I was being ridiculous and that her daughter has had a period for 10 years and knows what she's doing when I told her it was making my sons uncomfortable she said my sons needed to get a grip and turned over and went to sleep this is a genuine issue to me and she didn't care enough to have a discussion about it I asked my stepdaughter again in the morning and she did the same as her mother completely dismissed it both of them have told me to stop being so silly but I don't see how I'm being unreasonable when it makes my sons uncomfortable am I the a-hole yes okay no more words yes update not even two hours after I posted this my wife and stepdaughter gathered my sons and died and gave us a full intensive period for pricks course powerpoints and all it was a hoot they made an interactive quiz and everything my sons and I learned a lot and apologized to my stepdaughter thank you for your inputs you're the a-hole sorry but what I'm a guy and realize this is ridiculous you need to help yourself and your son's become better men and accept that it's a natural process are you uncomfortable with your wife's use of the same I assume not so teach your son's to be better hijacking the top comments inside out Opie will edit to add this in he said in his replies that she wraps the pads and tampons in the packaging before throwing them away so the sons can't even see any blood and the garbage bin has a lid this is beyond ridiculous I'm not surprised the stepdaughters snapped you're the a-hole how about you have a talk with your son's about periods instead of trying to shame a woman for bleeding wish there was a disclaimer or tags for posts you don't need to read all the way through the title of this post is clearly meant to bring as much shame to a biological function as possible the post itself somehow makes it uncomfortable to imagine someone so dense freely walking the earth without supervision and titles like these of 50/50 why weren't this disgusting creature walked the dumps and there's no sign of her filth in my house and I have provided her with a trash can but she says I'm shaming her when I ask her to stop leaving used tampons on top of my son's toothbrush Oh God you're the a-hole dude instead of saying that a woman can't help having a period and they should be more understanding of her throwing away sanitary products in a place she's lived in without you for two years you doubled down on the sexism how dare you talk to a grown woman like that girl my dad has seen my mom and me handle our periods four years and the most he ever interferes is if I'm struggling with pain he reminds me of similar solutions that might help that I sometimes forget that's it Opie you have zero knowledge about this stuff you cannot talk to her like that posted by user lucky Crow titles am I the a-hole for telling my male friends but he's crap at sex one of my 24 female male friends alcohol jack 25 male is a bit of a lad and very good-looking jack basically thinks that Ladd points our importance he's always going on about how many girls he's been with and how high his body count is I lived with him at a house share for a while and whenever he brought a girl home he'd makes sure to parade her around by introducing her spend 15 to 20 minutes in his room having sex then come out and strut around naked or in its boxes yes he really would I remember seeing a few times why are you out here you have a beautiful girl in your room and you're not in there with her this behavior was pretty common for him and even though he was an almighty douche we were still friends anyway after about eight months of living together after a drunken nights me and Jack ended up in bed together honestly it was terrible and having slept with him I realized something Jack had a big dick which I knew because of his strutting but he thought that having a big dick automatically meant he was good at sex like it just immediately made him amazing in bed our sex was crap like hands down the worst sex I'd ever had no foreplay he left the lights and TV on then unceremoniously shoved himself inside me the whole thing was basically a race for him to get inside me as quickly as possible maybe ten minutes of uncomfortable jackhammering then he was done the next morning I was really sore because one I wasn't wet at all to his dick was big but because I was sore he took that as him doing a bang-up job anyway that experience was a few years ago and even after all this time jack is still the same lad he was and still screws girls like they lined up on a conveyor belt for him recently my husband and I her stood a barbecue in our garden as gatherings are now allowed Jack came over as he's in our Mutual's group of course after a while Jack starts going on about the girls he's screwed and showing up another girl at the party by telling people he'd screw de its then he turns to me and asks if I can prove to Lance how fire he is at sex slightly embarrassed but also angry he even mentioned me I straight up told him he was crap basically worst sex I ever had I then went on to say what happened and that he only has sex just to say that he's had sex it wasn't fun pleasurable or enjoyable and for the record I didn't come amazingly enough to other girls also backed up what I was saying saying their nights with him were pretty much the same and to how I described it Jack got defensive and angry but we wouldn't drop it he eventually left absolutely fuming my husband who knows I slept with him years before said I was insensitive especially as it seems Jack relies heavily on the lead and sex God persona that he's created I don't think sir it was about time Jack was called out for being crap in bed and maybe use this to learn how to actually have sex all the boys in the group think I'm in asked for calling Jack outs me and the girls disagree edit holy cow this got way more attention than I thought it would thanks for all the comments should clear a few things up a lot of people asking why I was or am friends with Jack I was back then because honestly at times he was a decent I just blanketed by a douchey exterior after I moved out of the house we fell out of close contact but still hovering and mutual friend circles I'm not directly friends with him now but he's still a friend of a friend and to be normally civil headed to I really don't get why people are misunderstanding the story for the record I did not cheat on my husband Jack and I had a one-night stand together years ago while we were at uni I wouldn't consider him my friends now but we still have Mutual's from different social circles and we do still occasionally see one another not the a-hole mother-fricker asked for it point-blank he asked you to talk well actually he fudging put you on the spot to talk about it exactly he put you on the spot in a public setting and doesn't like the answer he got in a public setting he gambled on your response and lost public setting in front of her husband good point that's even worse way worse if two friends have slept together and moved past it which is totally fine I've done that with some of my friends you has some fudging tact around to their significant other I'm not sure if you're an a-hole or nots but I like you Opie same I'm a fan of Opie not the a-hole I knew plenty of jacks in fact one of them was actually cold Jack and he was absolutely the worst sex I ever had he was also a lad who liked to gloat about all the women he had slept with I was intrigued so I slept with him and it was the worst sex I have ever had and again for exactly the same reason he was crap at sex but had a big dick Jack needed a reality check and it was his fault for bringing you up he should have known better the only reason your husband said you were insensitive is because he can relate you hid Jack where it hurts all men right in the sexual performance your husband was just feeling secondhand shame Jack deserved it though some people need a splash of cold water funny you say that I was annoyed my husband wasn't on my side but he said he actually cringed throughout the whole thing saying it was secondhand embarrassments exactly we got all the men where it hurts all men are self-conscious about their sexual performance so they all felt that crap I'm a woman and I'm self-conscious about my performance too most people go into sex wanting to make sure that you know they're both having a good time you know I didn't cringe from that story I thought it was just funny I don't know about you guys am I the a-hole for not helping my daughter financially after she told me she has no plan to be involved with her sibling this is extremely hard for us I 54 male have three children one is 22 female 20 female and one male they both live with us I will go straight to the problem I pay for everything so they can concentrate on their studies due to medical conditions it is not possible for my wife to handle my son alone this occurred sometime after his birth and completely unrelated and neither I can spend too much time in the home I expect both of them to take some responsibility and help their mother for at least an hour or two daily I am even ready to pay them some money for its younger one is okay with this but my older daughter is shaming both of us having children at this age she is constantly arguing with us over this and told us we shouldn't have a child if we can't handle him and I can't dictate her to do anything now because she is in adults after her continuous rant I have decided to stop paying her fees and other help even though I am still allowing her to live with us rent-free but I told her to move out within the next three months she's an adult and can take her own responsibility my wife thinks I am being too harsh on her but I think it is time for her to learn a valuable life lesson am I the a-hole reddit's unfortunately I'm gonna have to go with Opie is the a-hole as much as I want to say everyone sucks here at the same time as no one sucks here I think that they're the one that's outweighing the daughter's life here with their decision to put that on her if that makes sense the daughter is well within her rights to not do it although it depends how your family is structured morally whether you're okay with the door doing that or not cuz that could just be a huge deal-breaker I think it also depends how old the wife is in this case but yes having a baby that late in life is definitely not the wisest choice I think is the a good way to put it so unfortunately Opie you're the a-hole lids for life says you're the a-hole you and your wife are the parents of this baby not your daughters it's not their responsibility to take care of a baby there's a difference between asking two babysits or to watch the baby occasionally while you and your wife have a break or run errands or whatever but asking your older children to bear the responsibility of caring for a child is over the line you and your wife chose to have a child and like any other parents you both have to take care of him you can't expect your adult daughters to be there all the time let them live their lives cut them off if you want to but don't make your daughter feel guilty for not wanting to spend her time looking after a baby that you and your wife chose to have good gracious y'all are so crazy with all of the a-hole calling the medical condition of the wife / mum didn't occur until a year after giving birth it's not like they could predict the wife and mum to get sick and need treatment the younger brother is out of the insane sleep schedule bit and can easily be entertained for an hour or two if he's not down for a nap it's not a huge ask time commitment that is being asked for its an hour or two that they will be paid for and only on the days the dad is working I mean really free schooling free rent free lifestyle upkeep in exchange for five hours out of the week five hours where they will have a chance to earn some more free money how many young adults would jump at a chance like that sure the dad made some a whole life choices but his spouse has decided that they should stay together it's not the oldest child's place to punish their parents for whatever wrongdoing including not to abort their brother and trying to give him a loving home they have made their disgust that they have a new sibling abundantly clear they aren't asking for 24/7 childcare they're asking for a little bit of help and it took an entire year for the to ask for help does the oldest daughter not care and love their parent enough to try to make things a little easier on their own mother who was suffering from a medical problem she tolerates her parents enough to accept their money to fund her schooling to eat their food and to live in their house but can't muster up the compassion to give the mum something back of course not your kid not your problem but wholly bloody cow Batman if you have that big of an issue helping out your family then leave and go no contacts don't expect the benefits of family if you aren't willing to act like family a couple of hours is not a little help seriously what if someone came and told you you need to drop two hours of every single day to watch someone else's kid think about that for a minutes what that would actually require what kinds of opportunities that would limit that is not a minor disruption that is a huge disruption and commitment that would affect about every bit of your life wait wait wait almost like having a part-time job where you would work two hours a day and the pay is free schooling and food and rent into lifestyle money yeah that sounds like a totally unfair trade where do I sign up forcing someone into a job is not the same thing as accepting a job I don't think it's unreasonable for the older children to do some kind of work cleaning yard work cooking but you don't get to force them to take care of an infant very interested what you guys have to say about this one after this extra information that people just been throwing out there posted by user throw away one or 101 or xx TLB titles am I the a-hole for wandering you find my kids dead I'm black my girlfriend is not we had a baby three months ago when she was a baby she looked like me but she's three months old and now she doesn't look like me except for curly hair but she doesn't have black hair she has big loose curly curls if that makes sense she's also very light-skinned I'm light-skinned so I could see her being like brown but she's really pale I asked my girlfriend if I was the baby dad she got mad but I think it's a reasonable thing to ask I don't have any other reason to think she cheated on me but the baby looks nothing like me sir I don't know edited to clarify how I asked her we were giving the baby a bath I was drying her hair off with the towel my girlfriends commented on the baby's curls I said yeah am I even the dad ice I said it jokingly my girlfriend kind of ignored me so I repeated the question but I was seriously the second time I know I should have brought it up better but it has been eating at me for a few months all sir edited to add because it was suggested I do so my girlfriend does not have pale skin or curly hair in her family she's not white she's native am i the a whole last edits I realized this morning that my girlfriend sisters kid who also has a black dad looks even wider than my baby does I'm really really really really really stupid I guess that's how Native and black babies come out I think this one's obvious here he's the a-hole and could have dealt with this one in a different way and I don't know if the partner can immediately trust him he's gonna have to earn that trust back if and this situation does get fixed between the two of them there but that can just throw up not red flags but warning signs for a partner if you start saying that because you know if you think I'm hiding something from you what are you hiding from me so you're the a-hole Opie for the Hat the way that you did this you're the a-hole genetics are weird plus you said your girlfriend isn't black get a test if you want but genetics can skip generations this is a good point the Opie needs to be aware of even if his daughter doesn't resemble him or his girlfriend in some respects though his attributes could have come from past generations on either side for years I thought my brother looked more like my grandmother on my mom side than either of my parents he was quite skinny then I remember a book by I think Jody pickles where there was a point point this guy got pissed when his wife's baby came out looking like one of their workers who was native and assumed she was having an affair but in reality her mother had had an affair and the worker was her father the baby was only a coordinate of and strongly resembled her grandfather all your the a whole genetics a weird men she obviously takes more after a mum you accused her of cheating for absolutely no reason because you couldn't be bothered to do some basic reading on how heredity works this I have green eyes and my husband has dark brown two out of three of our kids have the most gorgeous pale blue eyes you've ever seen no whose eyes they have my mother-in-law's it's astounding how many people will make subtle comments because they don't freaking understand basic punnett squares from ninth grade buyer what the hell make them give them back why they steal the mother's eyes black dad has biracial child child has biracial features black dad surprised pick a true face and I really doubt how many times we're gonna see this thread you're the a-hole rude posted by user M henyk titles am I the a-hole for getting my husband's mistress fired / evicted a few years ago my husband started dining at a local restaurants quite regularly he would sometimes even go alone very quickly a waitress befriended my husband and gave him her cell number she told him to text her should he ever need a table as this is a very busy restaurant in the summer because we live in a beach town I told him that this is wrong because she's only doing this to keep my husband's overly generous tips to herself the rest of the wait staff is being stiffed he told me it was fine and that she's a friend this went on for a couple of years and their messages evolved into friendly and sometimes more than friendly this past March when the covert pandemic came to a head the waitress texted my husband with a sob story about being evicted from an apartment she never even had a lease for or rights to she used her children as leverage and said they'd be homeless my husband tried to be helpful and said she could stay in another house that we have for the I'm being until something more permanent comes along we offered a severely discounted rent to her and draw up a standard month-to-month lease mind you this woman has friends and family she could easily move in with her and her mother are very close homelessness was far from possible this woman refused to pay rent or monthly bills and even manipulated my husband into purchasing her a washer and a dryer I intervened and told her that she had a month to get her rent money together before I changed the locks she would call and text my husband all day asking for more time to pay a new screen door and even took my daughter's old mattress from her apartment she would continuously bring up her children and say that she couldn't sign the lease right now because her son had a cold her messages were extremely hateful towards me and she blamed me for all of her problems she stated that everything went south once I got involved she's making $600 a week on unemployment plus $600 stimulus weekly this woman has the rent money I discovered that this waitress frequently targeted middle-aged well-to-do men who came to this restaurant she would manipulate them and ask for places to stay she always had them text her before coming to the restaurant so she could seat them into the her section and get all of the big tips she would allow them to skip the line while she cleared a table just for them I told her the locks will be changing and I wrote her boss a letter detailing how she takes advantage of her customers I know she was suspended once before for this so a second strike with a substantial proof will most likely get her fired am I the a-hole edits she's divorced and has her children for 25 hours a week I'm going to come right out of the gates and say that I pee you are the a-hole for this one but I also think that just everyone sucks here absolutely I think they suck more than the air pee but the fact is she clickbait AddThis saying that her husband's mistress and yet only an emotional affair is going on here not a physical affair not that that's anything better but I just am not seeing why she has put her foot down and stopped this from even starting when she has another family to go to I think the opie is partially to blame for it to getting to where it is and I reserved the fact that everyone sucks here in this situation but I think that Opie is justified for their actions in kicking her out because she seems slimy in every aspect you're the a hole in the title she's his mistress in the post she's a flirtatious waitress who preys on men customers something about this thread doesn't add up there's a huge difference between mistress and flirtatious waitress that's exactly what I was thinking I kept reading and waiting for the part where the waitress became the mistress but it never came there was this faint smell of bullcrap in the air you're the a-hole I want the time it took me to read your post back you're the a-hole for lying about the waitress being your husband's mistress emotional Affairs are a 100 percent a thing and definitely cheating in most people's books because you're taking the time and effort that should be going towards your partner and giving it to someone else in a romantic way obviously poly relationships are a bit different but this is obviously not one of those cases emotional cheating is a thing he was regularly texting with her going out to eat by himself just to see her and ended up spending a not insignificant amount of money on her it's quite a bit more than just a flirtatious waitress while true calling her a mistress is still unbelievably misleading she knew damned well what readers would think when they saw that personally I think it's a gray area mistress definitely implies something more but saying the waitress that my husband flirts with is a huge downplay what's the word for a mistress that he didn't sleep with that she knows of I disagree that would have been perfectly fine especially since Opie hasn't indicated that this is anything more than that it's a perfectly reasonable read on the story as a flirty waitress who preyed on the husband's generosity sure but the husband letting her take advantages of violation of trust equivalent to emotional cheating being manipulated into it isn't an excuse the only thing that proves is that pretty women can manipulate him into cheating and sabotaging their relationship and future look with the name like babies on spikes I'm inclined to be on the fence in this one that's a weird name everyone sucks yeah your husband for being a gullible sack her for being a scumbag but also I told her the locks will be changing you for a flat-out illegal eviction if she's got that lease unless I read wrong no lease agreement was signed kid had a cold and other excuses so she was in essence squatting I'll say not the a-hole doesn't matter thirty days we'll get you tenancy basically anywhere in the US thirty days is a myth it all depends on jurisdiction and circumstances you're the a-hole you're taking your anger out at your husband out on this woman grow up and focus your husband is disregarding you and treating you like crap quit wasting your energy on this idiot woman and deal with the actual problem you have the husband who you said is cheating in the title of this post and isn't but is doing weird crap with and for this waitress sounds a bit like a sim to me posted by user Oh potato bless me titles am I the a-hole for ruining an old man's reputation after he altered his story why asked him to clean up after his dog to make me look like the bad guy notes since people asked this was translated he was a bit rude her in my native tongue edits sorry I can't keep up with the comments anymore I love dogs we have a rescue pity we've had for eight plus years plus a foster I see an old man his words early sixties chatting with my neighbor his dog has no leash his dog peed on the side of my car I grabbed a bucket and shampoo and sponge and walk outside neighbor says hello I pee washing the car again actually you mates dog just peed all over my car door I would appreciate my dog he wouldn't do that so I just watched him do it if you would look at the door you can see the pee there there's a puddle that no don't accuse my dog everyone here has done maybe it was your own again I saw him that golden with the red collar is your dog correct it was that dog the man full volume screams my dog did not pee on your car well I'm certain he did no damage done yet it still washes off I got you some soapy water shouldn't take more than a few seconds neighbor tells the man to just wash it off accidents happen I am not washing this kids car he can wash it himself I do not look like a kid not asking you to wash my car just his pee man says some trash talk I am NOT your servant my dog did not pee on your door I am not washing it so that's also not him pooping in my different neighbor's yard then maybe you should walk him first then schatz dog come here dragging the dog out of the yard by his collar who was still pooping while stepping on the plants and dragging dirt over the sidewalk then started walking off pick up that mess dude screw you you clean it up yourself stop acting like in three stars okay the man walks back and while basically telling me to go screw myself knocks over my bucket and walks away my sponge got sand in it and it was ruined I ended up washing my car door neighbour got a broom and clean the sidewalk later he posted a nasty topic on a neighborhood info and watch app he obviously didn't expect me to be on there he fabricated a story that I'm a dog hater that tried to force a rheumatic old man to clean his entire car while he was just walking past he is now afraid of me bla bla bla mentioned my name and info too I replied with screenshots of him security camera with his dog peeing on my car plus picked out the worst-looking screenshots of him getting in my face knocking her from my buckets also one of him dragging his dog away by its neck that caused a big backlash and wrote what really happens my neighbor thinks I went too far because some of our neighborhood people are apparently after him on the app now sending nasty mess Edge's he said I made it look worse than it was by picking those specific images that he was just an old grumpy man having a bad day I feel justified though because he tried to paint me off as a horrible person and I just stated the truth am I the a-hole PS I did not add his info despite him adding mine it kind of seems like an entitled parent story to me although I do believe that this is true personally because I see these situations actually happening RP not the a hole in this situation obviously I don't know if you could have dealt with that situation any better besides reporting the man for who knows what you can report him to an HOA or something what are they going to do about it I don't know what the right action here is besides what they did calling him out on the app name not naming him but shaming him by face and by screenshot very good work he's the a whole not Opie not the a-hole if you would just explained yourself in the app maybe they wouldn't believe you maybe you go overboard choosing the nastiest photos but after hearing how he mistreated that poor dog he totally deserves it yeah I doubt that myself as well I hadn't posted on there ever and he's a daily contributor my words versus his words without evidence he might have won he was pretty nasty dragging the dog away in anger but usually the dog looks well cared for nicely brushed well-fed and it's a very friendly dog to you so I don't think he's bad for his dog in general just hope he doesn't let that temper control his actions often posted by user misses lag titled would I be the a-hole if I changed my sister's kids names hello reddit's long time lurker on this sub first time post are on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues I thirty four female am soon getting custody of my three sisters thirty-one females children she had them removed from her custody a year ago in July they have five three and two I myself have three kids eleven five and three husband and I have been preparing to get them for about six months now including buying a 12-passenger van and were a few weeks out from closing on a five bedroom house husband and I do not think my sister will get her life together anytime soon she and her husband have had a year to work through their parenting plan and all they've done in that year was one parenting class no therapy no us nothing required by the state for them to regain custody it seems she is more in love with her addictions than her children the children's guardian ad litem attorneys for the children's interests has informed husband and I that after having the children in our custody for six months we could adopt them if my sister and her husband have not met their parenting plan goals we have talked it over and decided that adopting them would be the best path forward for us we want to give these kids the best lives that we can now that you have the back story here is the question when we adopt these kids the lawyer said that we would have an option to change their names one of the kids who was pretty bad behavioral issues is named chaos we hate this name and we fear that name could stigmatize him we already know that his life is going to be pretty tough with his delays and other issues did we feel that changing his name to chase could be beneficial to his future it's pretty close to his name already and this is the name that my sister gave my grandma because she knew my grandma wouldn't like his real name I've talked to a few family friends and have gotten mixed advice for changing his name so I'm kind to stuck on if we should change it or not so reddit's would I be the a-hole if I changed my nephew's name edit to add his three and nonverbal so picking his own name is probably not something we can have him do though I wish we could second add it to added he has been tested for autism but has never tested positive for its he is in several different types of therapies that will continue to do once we get custody of him edit 3 wow guys thank you all so much and went to bed with like 30 replies and to wake up with more than I ever thought I would get I will update y'all at some point in time but we can't even begin the adoption process for at least six months after we finally get custody of them but we probably will start easing him into chase as soon as we pick him I'll keep you guys posted eventually hey RP I don't think at all that's it would be the a-hole move to do that I think people get enough flak already for having slightly left-of-center names like that in society and absolutely it's better for the kid to just mix in with the crowd while he's already off on a bad foot to start off with and I hope that you can give him the help that he needs I think you're absolutely not the a-hole for wanting a better future for this kid she and a few other family members make and test it obviously but I guess once the adoption process has been put through it is ultimately then you and your husband's choice and I support you guys for doing that because I know that I myself would rather have the name chase than chaos just I know what kids are like going through school that absolutely would not help his case not the a-hole but I was really really ready to go with your the a-hole because of the title but it sounds like you really want to give this kid the best future possible a name like chaos will haunt him for the rest of his life that being said the child is going through a period of serious upheaval and stress in his life it's worth having a conversation with him about this before unilaterally changing his name he is three but will be in therapy once we get custody of him hopefully we can transition him easy therapy sounds like the best choice for him taking on three children must be overwhelming but you're doing an amazing thing by giving them a stable and loving environment honestly it's almost a must at that age it's around that age the kids start to learn connection to parents and when you separate that as someone who experienced this myself at that age it can really mess with a lot of things related to relationship building and love if you don't have the proper mental care going forward of course everyone's situation is different but therapy is still very beneficial not just at this age attachment develops from birth but from around six to seven months babies form strong attachments to their primary caregivers and any prolonged separation from them after this point is highly likely to cause psychological damage the first two years in particular is critical period for developing a healthy internal working model of attachments and many researchers suggest that in an ideal world a child should spend every day of this period with its mother which is why long maternity leaves are considered very important in almost all countries so if the boy already had a healthy attachment with his mum during this critical period then he should be able to form healthy attachments to his new parents because he has established the schema for it whereas if he was neglected during this time then it will be very difficult for him to learn how to relate to potential attachment figures either now or in the future including friends and future romantic partners all right I hope you guys learned something today from our stories I hope you had a good time and I saw that a lot of you were annoyed by me making the opening a can of tuna and the can of beans won in the last episode I just thought that was a funny meme ok ok I'm sorry am I the a-hole for telling someone she's the common denominator in two failed relationships now I have been with my partner for a year now and have met most of his friends he's very close to his friend group from high school which i think is very sweet his best friend is getting married next year and my boyfriend is one of his groomsmen so we've been spending more time with his friend group lately I am admittedly not super keen on one of his friends s spits I've always just chalked it up to personality differences she's quite loud and dominates conversation alot but it's not like I don't like her I just find her a bit much we were in a zoom with boyfriends friends shooting crap and the wedding came up at one point we were talking about outfits etc and s said how much she hates shopping and was dreading going shopping she made a weird comment about how she's so not girly and one of the guys which I found immature she's a grown woman after all but I didn't see anything s asked if I knew what I was wearing and I said no but I had planned to go shopping with a friend of mine who also had an event coming up I was going to ask s if she'd like to go with us but she interrupted saying oh that's so cute I just don't like stuff like that I don't hang out with other girls I just prefer being with the guys which I found really patronizing to be honest it was clear I was annoyed and the conversation kind of took a turn so you've never had a friendship with another woman before no I have I just find a lot of girls Petty and catty don't you know I don't I'm friends with lots of women we complement each other go shopping together and occasionally share pastries sometimes oh I could never girls always talk behind my back you know if every single relationship you've ever had with another woman has gone sour there's a common denominator there and it's not the fact that there are the women it's probably you a couple others laughed and tried to move on to a different topic of conversation but it was clear s was angry she logged off early and later texted my boyfriend and said I was way out of line he replied and told her he didn't think so and if she was one of the guys she should be used to a bit of gentle ribbing every now and then I feel a bit bad because although I felt hurt by her comments she seems quite insecure to me plus it's not really my friendship group so I may have been a bit overbearing and I the a-hole I originally started this one with you're the a-hole but I read through the comments and my mind has been cleared definitely not the a-hole I'm gonna reverse my you're the a-hole decision I usually based that on how I feel about someone's words and if they were justified in this scenario and while originally I felt that it wasn't her place to be making various statements about someone without fully knowing about them I'm sure she was filled in by her friends about what that girl was like in the friend group and it was a little bit misogynistic so not the a whole not the a-hole she seems like one of the I'm not like the other girls which is so not a nice personality trait she was out of line for making comments about your friendships but when you said something about hers she's acting so hurt by them that is not okay she was saying it in front of everyone I believe all or mostly guys in the friend group how she likes to hang out with more boys than girls making her seem in my opinion like she is better than you because of it maybe she is jealous of you if she was the only girl in the friend group and now you are as well so she wants them to think that she's better than you I don't know I just see it as like shaming you which is not okay and what you said isn't that hurtful if it is true the internalized misogyny isn't cute I really dislike women who demean other women not the a-hole she is talking to a woman about how much women's suck and you dealt out some truth agreed she probably doesn't have friends because of this is annoying to everyone who respects women and it got worse after she texted Opie's boyfriend basically saying control your woman it's just ah not the a-hole at all so much this I used to be the not like the other girls type and it was because I had been force-fed this misogyny about women their caddy high-maintenance dramatic etc turns out that's just the awful stereotype of women I had internalized so I vehemently fought to prove that I wasn't like that I was one of the guys not just a vapid girl look I'm a programmer and a tomboy who doesn't wear makeup I read books and play D&D so special I roll many years later I've unpacked those feelings and have successful relationships with amazing women I'm still a low-key tomboy while my best friend loves makeup and we're both valid I don't need to put other women down to elevate myself it's a group effort to elevate all women it's so refreshing when you realize this as you get older to me it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders that I didn't have to pretend to like masculine things to feel cool being friends with other girls can be awesome everyone sucks here she was being underhanded and a bit condescending which was unnecessary you felt offended and responded by trying to embarrass her in front of her friends which is also unnecessary you're both adults both thee I'm very unique because my friends are male and the if you struggle with female friendships it's because there's something wrong with you as a person nonsense should have died out when you left high school and behaving like an adolescent isn't an excuse for you to do the same yeah I don't know calling out people for crappy behavior is now acting like an adolescent I guess we should all get away with crap behavior as the person who would call us out lives in fear of seeming like a high schooler everyone here saying Opie is not the a-hole glad to see some reasonable people here Opie was out of lying saying that even if S was condescending feel like a lot of you guys are gonna say that everyone sucks here in this situation posted by user una Kiva titles am I the a-hole for absolutely despising my physically disabled brother qui veut that's mmm don't say that when I was 13 my parents had my younger brother they only intended on having one child me but he was a happy surprise the main reason they only wanted one child is because my mom is a Duchenne muscular dystrophy carrier and didn't want to risk having a boy and him having it my brother was born and my mum started noticing signs when he was about 2 when he went on to be diagnosed with Duchenne muscular dystrophy I'm now 20 and my brother is 7 my parents have always massively babied him he has a little to no discipline and does whatever he wants and gets away with it because my parents don't want to spend the entire time they have with him telling he can't do things he wants to I've never connected with him at all it's an awkward age gap and we have absolutely nothing in common as well as that I went from being an only child for 13 years to having a brother that required a lot of extra attention and I resented him for its during my teenage years over the past year or so he has deteriorated greatly and a lot quicker than he was expected to he can't walk and requires a wheelchair which meant giving up my bedroom downstairs after 20 years of it being mine in all honesty I find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so I rarely bring friends around he's already started showing signs of hot deterioration which means my parents are constantly worried and rarely have time for me with the rate at which he's been deteriorating he's not expected to live past his teenage years a few nights ago I was doing some work for college I'm a key worker so I had just got home from an eight-hour shift and was absolutely exhausted I went downstairs with my laptop and my mom and brother were in the kitchen watching something my mom asked me to watch him so she could go to the bathroom and I as a jerk said it's not like he can go anywhere he's not strong enough to move his own wheelchair and she told me off and left I was trying to do work when my brother just kept asking me to do stuff with him as I said we don't have a relationship and I was trying to do work so I just ignored him he kept pestering me and eventually said why do you never spend time with me and I responded by telling him it was because I didn't like him my mom walks back in at that exact moment and grabbed my arm and pulled me upstairs before sing if I ever spoke to my brother like that again she would kick me out I told her it's not like she'd notice anyway because she never talks to me we haven't spoken since and apparently my brother is upset am I the a-hole I think absolutely hoping is the a-hole here I don't know what else to say you're the a-hole sorry but he's a dead man rolling he may be spoiled but so apparently a year everyone over 18 pays for their accommodations somehow the only payment you are required to do was to be nice to a dying boy and maybe spend an hour a day with him cheapest rent I ever heard yep I came here to say in all honesty I find it quite embarrassing having so much equipment for him in the house so I rarely bring friends around then get your own place all your problems can be solved if you moved out yep oh my god I hope he is embarrassed by her dying baby brother let me play the world's tiniest violin and then throw it at her you're the a-hole a massive massive a-hole I'm trying to understand how someone could write this and not think they're the a-hole I can only guess that it's either fake or real and deep down you want to be told you're the a-hole that you are your brother is dying he wants to spend time with you you don't have to and it's understandable that you had to go through a massive change in family dynamics where you got to show end of the stick but how many people still complain about getting the short end after having seven years to adjust you don't have to like him and you can understandably wish you had more of your parents attention but it's as if an earthquake hit your house seven years ago and you're still complaining about its effects except that you have a brother who's not doing well and the your parents have shouldered the weight of that for many years you don't have to like it but you don't get to mistreat your brother over it either let's say you got someone pregnant and had a new disabled kid in your own life how would you feel how would you deal with it because that's what your parents are going through have some empathy for them they asked you for a simple favor watch your brother while your mum goes to the freaking bathroom and even then you couldn't do that one small thing without insulting or complaining I don't know what it will take but you've really got to get over yourself you have a very sick brother and parents were likely exhausted from taking care of him you have it better than all of them and yet you still treat yourself like the victim get the hell over it and help your family if you can't even do that then at least stop being a drain on them by complaining or being insulting posted by user PR Leonia titled am i the a-hole for grilling my son's new girlfriend and telling him I don't approve my son male 20 has been dating a girl he goes to university with for about six months now she's an international student from New Zealand but has family here so is staying with him during covert 19 due to lockdown restrictions and such we hadn't met her until a couple nights ago when I invited her over for dinner with my family we had facetimed a few times but not spoken a lot my husband and I a very Catholic and traditional but spent a lot of our 20s traveling the world including New Zealand's we visited her hometown so asked her a few questions about its which she happily answered but when I asked her about her Maori heritage and family she became quite uncomfortable and said she didn't know a whole lot about it which I find hard to believe we asked her if she was religious she laughed and said no we asked her about her degree which she seemed very passionate about but it's a fashion degree which isn't exactly going to get her very far in comparison to my son who is a law student it's clear she loves my son and it's mutual and my other child adored her but I don't think she's the right fit for my son her parents were both 16 when they had her and she's very open with the fact that they had a strong dislike for each other and haven't spoken since she was six months old she also seems to have a bizarre relationship with each of her parents after dinner she went and played Monopoly with my daughter and sons and made a couple crude jokes as well as laughing at my son her boyfriend when he lost my son asked me if she could stay and I said she could as long as she slept in a separate room which he said was ridiculous as their birth 20 and a living together next year she decided to leave as she didn't feel welcome after she left I told my son I didn't approve and that I could set him up with a nice girl for my church if he preferred but he said he loves her and was furious I would even suggest it my other son who is 16 heard me and said he really liked her my husband said that even if I felt like that I shouldn't vocalize it because it's clear my son loves her I understand that but he should be with someone more suitable for our family in my opinion am I the a-hole I'm not even gonna comment on this one that's just stupid and it's just a repeated post we see a lot so let's get this straight you interrogated her about her religion and her heritage the first time meeting her suggested your son date someone else after she left and you're wondering why she didn't feel welcome you're the a-hole he should be with someone more suitable for our family or we'll definitely be reading about you on our slash just no mother-in-law my parents were just like this with every person I dated it made me want to hide a bunch of relationships I never took a significant other home because they always did this and it made me feel like their ideas and religion were more important than their own kids they went ballistic when I came out of the closets I'm going on a year of no contact now this is a good way to lose your son you're the a-hole I straight-up told my boyfriends about my parents Avia and ask them just to not listen to it no one was ever good enough for them in my opinion just ignore it isn't good enough they have to deal with your parents because of you if your parents are being crappy you have the responsibility to shut it down or leave so that your partner does not have to be subjected to poor treatment if you are unwilling to do that then you want much better than your parents posted by user jf throw away 331 - titled am I the a-hole for laughing at my girlfriend for her suggestion to pay off her loan throw away for obvious reasons meanie 32 and my girlfriend 29 are living together for a year and going out for two I make about one and a half times the amount she makes and split all our bills including rent 60/40 she has a huge student loan in lo six digits so he is the incidence yesterday she came up to me and asked why I was not helping pay off her student loan I asked her whether she wants me to help plan her budget or she expected me to help pay off her loan she said it was the latter I told her I am NOT willing to join finances as long as we are not married but she retorted that I have more than enough in my savings and it's unfair I am not helping her pay off her student loan so I asked her if she was expecting me to take my savings and completely pay off her loan she nodded and I started laughing uncontrollably she got upset and has informed most of her friends and they have been calling me in a hall as I am not helping her I would have been fine if she had asked if she could reduce her share of the bills but for her to suggest this I didn't know how else to react she's been giving me the silent treatment since so reddit's am either a whole not the a-hole her debt isn't your problem her attitude after asking would be a deal-breaker for me yeah not the a-hole and valuable information to learn about her before things got more serious if you marry someone with high loan debt they call it sexually-transmitted debt now you know debt incurred before marriage does stay separate from a legal standpoint though not always it convert into a marital debt surprisingly easily this not all situations are the same and people should know what they are getting into before making the valves not the a-hole she let her friends get in her head and make a fool out of her and now she's giving Opie the silent treatment because he's not paying off her massive debt Lowell this is ludicrous they aren't married he didn't sign up for her debt when she did maybe in the future he will help but damn that's a lot to ask from a boyfriend you've only been living with for a year the silent treatment just shows how entitled Cheers but also she may want to watch out because these friends are steering her down the wrong path and it may be on purpose because Opie sounds like a good dude I kind of want to know more about these friends and their intentions sometimes friends actually want to sabotage their friends relationships especially if they think their friend is dating someone really good I've seen it so many times and it's infuriating not the a-hole Opie but also try explaining things to girlfriend instead of laughing in her face with no explanation posted by user throwaway father 7 titled am I the a-hole for refusing to financially support my best friend's girlfriend and be a father to his son that is a weird sentence okay so this is out of the blue and I need to know if I'm the a-hole I 24 male and the heir to an enormous amount of money I won't get into it but my granddad owns a lot of land and property all rented out I have been friends with this guy since we were 8 and we've been best friends ever since brother clothes our parents even let us spend a week at each other's houses so this friend has a one-year-old male child with this girl who I am not particularly close with my friend recently passed away in a car accident it devastated me and my tight friend group all from childhood my friend didn't have the same luxuries as I have been granted so he had nothing to give his childs his family have nothing basically well we've been meeting at a friend's house since lockdown was lessons and just drinking together today I came in and there were my buddies his girl with his kid and random people I didn't know what was happening so I thought they'd invited more people than usual but then they basically said this we've had a votes and decided who would be a good provider for friends family since you are practically brothers make enough money my grandad gives me property and lets me rent it out more than you need even you're young and fit so we have decided that you will take up friends role I lost it I'm grieving and these people just decided to try to pull this on me I told him that the hard truth is that there is another single mother in the world and that I will not support nobody and I don't plan on being a father until later on in my life she then said at least let me stay in the guest house I told her fat chance and that the only reason you slept there is because of my friend she started bawling and then the kids started crying the girls looked like they were gonna cry and some of the guys were fuming but some had an i-told-you-so face I left and got spammed with messages people I wasn't even friends with were messaging me a few guys asked if I was ok like my other close friends but some mutual friends were also calling me a bad person my mum's family even know and to calling me an a-hole but my dad's are saying that it was justified I was generally shocked and need someone to tell me if I'm wrong and what I did wrong I'm grieving and feel totally blindsided am I the a-hole info I'm not the godfather and they weren't living in the guest house I didn't have an agreement to look after his child otherwise this post would not be here I'm just gonna say Opie is not the a-hole for this one and is justified in their response to this not the a-hole and the entitlement is astounding you know who would be the best provider for chip friends family his goddamn family and her family as well not the a-hole cut those freaker's out of your life this RP all of those people have just told you who they are listen to them you are not a friend you are a walking talking cash machine in their minds it's easy to tell other people what to do with their money all the people telling you you're selfish are ridiculous none of them are willing to put up any money they all voted without him that's already extremely Shady there is no proof of a fair ballot or anything this is insane not to a whole these clowns had a meeting to plan your life and your money without asking you block them all who does that yep this right here I get that they may have misplaced grief but you don't just nominate someone to take in an adult and child without consulting them no matter their financial standing you are not the a whole fear response and action at all if they are so concerned they can start a college fund for the kid and offered to look after the kid so the mum could work I was a single mum once and would still stop just short of killing someone for a reliable childcare network for snow days and emergencies not the a-hole not your circus not your monkeys no one no one is entitled to your money posted by user widowed 2020 titled z' am I the a-hole for selling my husband's restaurants against his wishes I was married to my husband for 13 years we got married at 19 and my husband passed away a few months ago we didn't have children together I have a high-paying job as an attorney and I'm currently moving to another state to start my own firm my husband passed away four months ago it wasn't a pretty end to our marriage as I had just found out that he was cheating on me with one of the waitresses working for his restaurants they had been having an affair which went on for three years he told me he didn't love me anymore and left to be with her he passed away due to a sudden cardiac arrest after two weeks of leaving our marital home we weren't legally separated it wasn't official as his wife I inherited everything including the restaurant as he started the restaurant after we got married my parents helped him financially and I supported him after I got my first job after finding out about his infidelity I had no interest in keeping the restaurants it was doing really well but I needed a fresh start my husband was emotionally attached to his restaurants and once it is kids to take over after he died he wanted it to be a family enterprise I didn't want any part of that I made the decision to move to another state for bet better prospects and decided to sell the restaurants two days before he made the final move to sell it's his mistress showed up to my home begging me not to sell the restaurant because she was pregnant she wanted her unborn child to take over the restaurant she said that the child was morally entitled to the restaurant as his unborn child's I simply asked her to leave and went ahead with my decision am I the a-hole so I guess the legality is out of the way since she's an attorney she absolutely understands her rights on this one this is a bit of a moral question here but I think screw him for what he's done to you in your life absolutely screw him he's dead now who cares screw her she's a mistress she's cheating it doesn't matter if he wants to uphold his legacy he did wrong he deserves the punishment that comes after his death so not the a-hole Opie and I stand by that decision not the a-hole I don't know any fetuses that have proven restaurant managers although your mileage may vary exactly what the hell would happen to it in the intervening two decades obviously as his real Widow the mistress would get the restaurant and get to live off it until the child is of age at least obviously she deserves it and it's hurt you ha ha he's been cheating for three years he had more than enough time to leave and change his will if he wanted to he didn't do any of that and it's all gone to you she isn't owed any of it you're entitled to do whatever you want with it if that's selling the thing that reminds you of the infidelity that's fine not the a-hole apparently he promised her that he would buy me out of the restaurant and their future kids would take over the restaurants apparently I was denying my late husband's wishes for his children did he ever say this to you after the affair came out somehow I'm thinking he didn't so you're just supposed to what hand over part of a restaurant to his mistress on her say sir I think not do me a favor as one cheated on wife to another if you're financially able take some of the money you received from the restaurants and blow it on something you know he'd hate but that you genuinely enjoy law I'm selling the restaurant to the owner of the rival restaurants my husband absolutely hated that guy he hit on me many years ago not knowing I was married in front of my husband's my husband wanted to expand his business and make it a successful franchise the other guy wanted to do the same he was working towards that they were in a competition to be the first one to start the second branch yeah I'm petty kadai there guys outro marquee here just wanted to say thank you so much for watching today's episode I hope you really enjoyed it I hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed making it now with that said we have some special mentions everyone that's signed up for my patreon everyone that's a channel member you guys all know who you are I'm gonna start putting you on screen in the near future sorry I'm very lazy but I do love each and every one of you and you all know that if you want to join there is links down in the description below if you want to be a channel member there's a join button next to subscribe it helps me out immensely also I have a second channel that does memes it's called marquee too it should be on screen here now if you like memes and you want to laugh with me it's some not so politically correct content all the time hope you enjoy it click on the screen subscribe and enjoy the means that's all I have for today and I'll see you in the next episode bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 127,629

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: H-Nfiar0kls

Length: 165min 58sec (9958 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 13 2020