r/AmiTheA**Hole For Laughing At Cousin's Baby's Name?

good day there guys thinks that listening to lo-fi hip-hop 24 7 chill beats to relax to is a personality trait back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love the content like i love you then i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn in the chucka prawn on the barbie and get ready for some bloody good content posted by user lightning straw titled am i the a-hole for reigning on my cousin's parade regarding the name she picked out for her baby my cousin stephanie and i are really more friends than relatives an important note is that she's not really online much so can be out of the loop on certain memes and jokes in internet culture and to be honest doesn't really understand the concept of viral internet references or how they work stephanie is pregnant and just found out it's going to be a girl about a week ago she told a gathering of her best friends that she's going to name her daughter karen the room instantly went cold but after an awkward silence everyone else said politely that it was lovely i couldn't bring myself to respond at all later in the evening when stephanie was out of the room everyone was like oh my god that poor kid why would she pick karen of all names i was uncomfortable with this conversation given that everyone had been so positive about the name to her face i thought more about it over the next couple of days and just felt really weird about the whole thing the name is really loaded to the point it could be detrimental to the baby and stephanie had no idea of the connotations to make an informed decision so a couple of days later i tentatively brought it up and i told her that i was so excited for the baby and just wanted her to have all the information available when picking a name i then started to explain that karen has some negative connotations and has become sort of an internet joke to describe a specific kind of entitled middle-aged woman stephanie was instantly furious and started talking over me saying why are you saying this this is so mean i was really surprised by her reaction it felt very very out of character so i immediately stopped and said i'm really sorry i didn't mean to hurt your feelings i just wanted to tell you something i thought you might not know she replied that's the name i picked for my daughter and you think i picked it as some kind of joke i don't understand why you would see something so hurtful when she said that i felt like it signaled that she really didn't understand what i was trying to tell her so after agonizing for a second about whether to press the issue even though she was so angry i felt like in for a penny in for a pound and since she was already mad i wanted her to at least understand what i was trying to explain to her i googled karen know your meme on my phone and tried to show her the screen results while saying look i'm just saying that there's more meaning to the name than you may realize she stood up pushed my phone away and shouted wow she then stormed out of my home and drove away my aunt and mom have been berating me all week because stephanie told me that i made fun of her baby name stephanie has not spoken to me or responded to my texts since i can take a hint and i'm not going to broach a topic again that caused so much stress but i keep going back and forth on whether i was the a-hole here by bringing it up in the first place i'm gonna go with uh everyone sucks here on this one i was gonna say that they're not the a-hole because they were trying to help someone else but at the end of the day it is your child's name you are free to name your child whatever you want to name your child although i think not being willing to accept what someone's saying and being able to see what they want you to see so that you're ready for whatever comes to you in the future because you know you had an entire room go cold on you you are in denial at this point i think you're an a-hole for reacting in the way you did though i don't blame you but it doesn't absolve you of the fact that you're an a-hole and i think op is an a-hole for continuing to press the issue when it was obvious for two instances before the last time that she shouldn't have pushed the issue edits thanks everyone i have been properly schooled and i accept my judgment that i was the a-hole here stephanie and i have a history of being extremely open and honest with each other i was the maid of honor in her wedding which we planned on being the case from a young age and we always joked as teenagers that part of my duties would include taking her out of the marriage if the groom she picked sucked and so maybe i was too flippant with approaching this topic due to our history and was unempathetic in understanding how much she was already invested in the name she chose for her future daughter i admit i'm a bit frustrated that stephanie still doesn't understand what i was trying to tell her she thinks i was making some kind of weird cruel joke accusing her of picking the name as a joke but i've messaged her a sincere apology that she accepted and i will never speak of this again to stephanie or baby karen i'll also stand up for stephanie if her other friends crap talk the name around me again if they're not willing to voice their thoughts to stephanie directly they need to not say the kind of things they were saying behind her back edit 2 one more thing i definitely was not trying to tell stephanie to not name her daughter karen i just wanted her to make the decision either way knowing the connotations since i'd want someone to do the same for me if i picked a baby name with cultural baggage i wasn't aware of i realized now i handled it poorly and was hurtful to tell stephanie in the process but i just wanted to be clear that i wasn't actively trying to talk her out of the name i just didn't want her to be blindsided if it came up later same as if my last name was molat and they wanted to name me ivan i wouldn't be too happy with uh being that kid you know you're the a-hole you really think it's going to matter when this kid's older it's a meme oh and for anyone pregnant or planning to have kids this is why you don't reveal the name until they're born someone's always got something stupid to say no matter what yeah precisely internet memes come and go in a flash i think opie is massively exaggerating the likelihood that the associations will stick around this my son will be born any minute now and literally due date is tomorrow and around christmas we told everyone that his name will be eli maxwell sergeants oh my god my wife's side of the family went crazy because we did not give him a family name on her side and shunned us for like four months in this case i beg to differ it has been a year since this post possibly a bit longer like one and a half you know years and the name karen is stronger than ever now i feel like the karen meme is one that is going to stick around for a long time you're the a-hole i am aware of the karen meme but come on it's a totally normal name i can't believe so many of you would take a meme so seriously it's not like a kid was going to be called pepe pepe is the middle name nice update by lightning strea titled update am i the a-hole for raining on my cousin's parade regarding the name she picked out for her baby my post last summer wasn't the most exciting or dramatic on am i the a-hole but i wanted to provide an update if anyone is interested baby karen was born healthy and happy back in october she's an absolute sweetheart of a baby and i'm totally in love with her between march and may i didn't get to see her at all in person but i was doing regular facetime house party calls with stephanie and karen and over the last few weeks i've been going over to stephanie's house to sit in her backyard and chat with stephanie slash coo at karen from a lengthy distance i have two reasons for updating first i've realized since karen's birth that her name has taken on new meaning to me when i'm with her karen just means her and i don't think about the other connotations in other words you guys were right that said though my second reason for updating is that stephanie got back into her years on used facebook at the beginning of the pandemic to keep in touch with people she's been on it pretty regularly lately for the first time in years historically she's not really been into social media most people in our area social circle have been posting really heavily about black lives matter and the protests happening right now as well as racial justice issues more generally as a result stephanie now has come into contact with a deluge of karen memes for the first time and found them confusing and horrifying especially the use of karen as shorthand for a racist i've basically just declined to talk about it with stephanie because it went so poorly the last time but both my mother and her mother have hounded me about it because it's upsetting to stephanie and said things like is this what you were talking about before why didn't you say so why didn't you explain it better you should have told stephanie and jesus wept you really can't win thanks again for all of your feedback on my last post it was very helpful in me giving me some zen about the situation edit wow i have been super overwhelmed by the flood of very kind heartfelt pms and just one or two not so kind ones as well as the other comments on my post thank you everyone it continually amazes me how many nice and empathetic people frequent subs devoted to a-holes and they locked the comments for this one that sucks but yeah i don't think anyone could have predicted that karen meme was going to transcend into the form it was today from last summer no one could have predicted that op couldn't have predicted that they can't be the a-hole in this situation because it changed that's not how it works you can't have silence and then also a complete explanation when someone's in denial you idiots the both those mothers are such idiots for not accepting that they just want someone to lay blame on and screw them screw them posted by user am i the a-hole lost wife titled am i the a-hole for asking my grieving husband if he has feelings for his best friend throw away because some friends know my you slash i'll leave out a few details because the whole thing is already painful to talk about english is not my first language my 27 female husband a 29 male is kind funny and handsome so he's always been quite popular we usually hang out with the same 10 to 15 people he's close with but six years ago he met a guy his age bee at a work conference with various companies said guy was extremely smart cute a bit more reserved but still just as lovable they immediately hit it off and after a year even started calling themselves soulmates soon enough it was given in our group that my husband and his newfound best friend wouldn't usually do an activity without each other bee would often stop buy out a place as well and our kids six male four female and i enjoyed his visits because he was such a sweetheart unfortunately just three years ago bee died in a serious accident because of a drunk driver our family was obviously crushed by the news i gave my husband the space he needed and offered him all the help and support i could give but i started to worry after the first year then i got frustrated after the second year now it's my third year and i'm going crazy because it just doesn't seem normal to me he's always been a doting father but he hasn't played with our kids more than once during those three years i often see him spacing out and looking and holding things that belonged to be he wakes up in the middle of the night and leaves the bedroom to cry i feel like he doesn't see me or more importantly our kids anymore like everything stopped mattering and while he keeps working the same hours i've been told by one of his closest friends who works at the company that the quality of his work constantly deteriorates i assumed that maybe the issue runs deeper than i'd thought and asked him if he'd be ready to go to therapy but nada soon after we had dinner while the kids were at his sisters she lives next door and he gave me attention which i appreciated but while we were kissing he broke down and shot himself in our bedroom while constantly apologizing the day after i sat him down and asked him seriously if it's possible that he's had romantic feelings for bee he went off on me said that i was out of line that i'm ridiculous for being jealous of his best friend who's forever gone that i should know he's straight and that he's disappointed in me i feel like i deserved to express my concerns after such a long time but a lot of our friends who know how sensible the situation is and how devastated my husband is think i should have never said something that intrusive and speculative they've called me an a-hole for doing this to him so am i the a-hole for saying such a thing to my husband considering all that's happened i'm gonna go out in the limb and say no i don't think you're an a-hole he's your husband he's very close to you and they shouldn't be secrets and hidden emotions like that in such a strong and bonded relationship i don't blame him for lashing out like that but i do think that counseling needs to be done i also think it's possible to you know be straight and still have a love for someone that is deep like that although you're not going to be intimate with them you can still love someone if it's a guy you can still love them that's possible without being gay i think he knows that and i think he's just going through grief right now and that's perfectly human that's perfectly acceptable i don't think the husband is the a-hole either in all honesty i did actually say before that i thought he was an a-hole but it's a reaction from grief and you can't blame someone that's still trying to process their emotions as bad a reaction that may have been i don't think i can blame him either no a-holes here your friends don't know what you know whether your husband was in love with his friend or not it's a problem that everything stopped mattering when he died and that he can no longer show affection to his children or his wife therapy is really a must at this point and i think if he won't go you should go yourself and get some advice about how to approach this serious crisis thank you for your advice what made me uncertain is that most of our friends actually share the same thoughts we've discussed my husband's state to figure out how to help him and they implied that he must have cared for bee in more ways than we thought even if he never realized it showed at different instances that we all witnessed so they kind of know they just think it should be left unsaid but the thing is i don't mind if he happens to be in love with me at this point i just want my family to be better oh that's interesting i completely disagree you can't leave something unsaid if it's jeopardizing both your marriage and your husband's relationship with his children none of you can go on like this for another three years if you won't go into therapy i think it's fair for her to start putting herself into her children first this marriage and family life sound miserable he won't talk about it or make an effort to deal with it it's understandable up to a point but enough time has passed that his actions are clearly selfish now i'm not trying to villainize him by calling him selfish he's clearly struggling but this isn't a healthy life for him or his family and it's not fair to them she cannot fold up the relationship herself if a spouse refuses to go to counselling and therapy they have ceased to participate in said relationship do they know the extent that he's abandoned his family it might be hard for them to grasp the situation because materially speaking he's still here he still comes to parent-teacher reunions or pays the kids lunches but he doesn't spend more time than necessary with them whereas before he would spend hours and hours hugging them and carrying them around while playing with them so my kids deeply feel his absence especially the oldest one who spent three years being cuddled by my husband who was a mother hen while my friends don't necessarily feel that but that is to say they do know things are dire we're all very close some of the girls have tried to make him realize how much he's been affected his childhood best friend has tried to mention therapy it's like he's become a wall since b is gone this is a first for all of us even if he had romantic feelings for the guy apparently it didn't reflect on feelings towards children which is completely normal too they are his loved children the fact that he stopped paying attention to them after the guy died has therefore nothing to do with if they were or weren't romantically involved it didn't interfere with his love for children it is plain and simple result of trauma inability to do work enjoy things show connection might be associated with severe depression depressions are results of biochemical problems that do not go away by themselves they need meds on top of behavioral therapy this would explain why this state lasts and will continue to last people with severe depression also unlikely to seek therapy they have no energy or motivation for that it doesn't matter what was between these guys your husband needs professional help and not from therapist but psychiatrist you need to contact one explain what's going on and ask how to better offer help convince this is a primary problem not the relationship to a dead friend depressions are extremely severe conditions and often deadly if untreated luckily they are also very responsive to treatment i'm so sorry for your situation updates am i the a-hole for asking my grieving husband if he has feelings for his best friends i thought i'd give an update for all the kind people who asked for one the original post with a few details in the comments so as you all suggested i sat my husband down and asked if he was okay if he had the time and mental space to talk to me etc i apologized for what i implied said it was inappropriate irrelevant and it wasn't my place to say anything on his relationship with b but then he broke down to my confusion and started apologizing to me saying he did have feelings for b that i'm not delusional and stupid that he's just been gaslighting me i disagree not going to give all the details but hubby found out after b's death that b had feelings for him and it turned out to be mutual to his shock he said the sudden loss and what he realized basically made him go into a very dark place where he felt unworthy of everyone including his children b and i he needed to talk about it but was terrified of losing us knowing my husband i kind of saw it coming and regret that he's only confessed to it now because i never would have resented him for loving someone and bee's gone it's just a lot of heartbreak for everyone so i insisted on therapy again and husband agreed and he's okay thankfully he did have way too much on his plate but he's already faring much better now that he's finally opened up i wouldn't blame anyone for being trapped in a cycle of self-hate after all of this he also mentioned his parents death too very briefly this all felt liberating because we finally came back to our before where we'd share and discuss everything freely one surprise though is that i ended up being diagnosed i am depressed to be honest i'm still puzzled because i come from a traditional asian family where depression is a myth but i guessed i'd never questioned myself because i was just always too busy to parents abandoned me when i was five became a barrister at 21 worked 80 hours a week taking care of my kids charity work and you know what the funniest part is i'm extremely lazy every second i fight the urge to lie down somewhere and sleep forever i have these random moments where i question the relevance of it all but they all seem insignificant in light of everything i could lose i'm okay i never felt like reaching a breaking point my husband has been feeling guilty so i slapped some sense into him and told him i'm not cancerous we also had a talk with the kids my oldest has been radiant since then youngest also likes to follow my husband around like a baby chick now i've been an in-house counsel so twice as less work hours which is really cool too yeah i don't know a lot of changes but none of them feel overwhelming life might be a beer especially now but i feel grateful yes i sound like a cheesy [ __ ] thank you so much for your help everyone edits i might not be able to reply to every single one of you in the thread but i want to make sure to thank you all for your support and wholesomeness i'm genuinely touched and thank you for the awards kind strangers thanks for the update so is your husband just now coming to the realization that he's bisexual where does your marriage go from here in that he fell in love with someone else while married to you hi a lot of other comments addressed this elephant in the room it's been almost two months so my husband and i did have a lot of free time to discuss all of this especially during lockdown i'll try to make it short my husband still doesn't specifically identify as bisexual bee was the one and only man he's ever had feelings for he said that apart from b he really would not picture himself with a man this despite being able to picture himself with b some people may be skeptical about my husband's conclusions on his sexuality but his identity is his own to define and this is the one thing i will respect for sure also trust me by erasure is the last thing i'd want to encourage we already read up a lot on different labels recently on top of what we already know we know bisexuality doesn't imply an even sexual attraction to both men and women etc he just doesn't identify as bi as of now and that's okay about him falling in love while being married to me it hurts yes i cried about it yes i know many are concerned with how i seem to neglect my own feelings but i can assure you that i won't deny those despite being a bit awkward about emotions obviously in a perfect world by my own terms my husband would only have eyes for me but i know my husband still loves me very deeply and while he did me wrong these last few years he's also a very honest man who would have openly tried to make it right by everyone had be not died let's say that in some other dimension he would have wanted to end up with b he would have told me despite how hurtful it could have been maybe there would have been drama tears and doll yeah but b died and b and i are the only ones my husband is truly in love with we both know that there's no way to bring bee back and come up with what would have been the best for all three of us so we're staying married simply because we do love each other as husband and wife and because our little family is the most amazing cocoon we've ever built i have no hard feelings when life gets in the way like that i know it sounds like a very simple way to see things but that's how i think and i'm plenty happy i don't want to get a divorce he doesn't want to why should we then also i know people have varying definitions of love a few years ago had someone told me it's so hard being in love with two people at once i would have snorted or frowned probably i totally understand if some end up saying they aren't convinced by our sentiment posted by user bush did the main titled am i the a-hole for taking the hard drive from the xbox after i was forced to give it up to my sister and her friends so i 23 male am currently living with my parents after i had to leave my house due to situations out of my control i had planned on being back out by now but carved put a delay on my new job so i have to wait it out i play xbox almost every night with my old school friends almost all whom have moved out of the states due to military and jobs my father bought the xbox for me in christmas of 2013 but i bought the external hard drive and every game that's on it my sister 19 has a group of friends over to our house at least twice a week every time they come over i'm expected to give up the xbox to her and her friends i didn't mind it at first but like i said above they eventually began to come over several times a week so today me and my friends were planning a big game night since everyone was off of work and of course my sister is having friends over two and i'm told to get off now part of the reason i'm irritated is because everything in my life has been like this my sister is my dad's favorite child and he doesn't even try to hide it she hasn't paid for anything in her life and doesn't have a job my mom on the other hand just hates the confrontation she forces the outcome that will lead to less of a fight and less noise which is always the outcome that my sister wants because i'll be quiet even if i'm angry whereas my sister will blow up the house with fits of rage so today i put my foot down and said no my friends and i have been planning this all week and i'm not getting off because my sisters brought people over without warning per usual my dad was furious because my sister was furious and my mom was furious because we were ruining her night my dad said that since he paid for the xbox he decided who could play it and that was that so i decided to play his game gave up the xbox to my sister but took the hard drive and all the games with me rendering the xbox useless from a gaming standpoint within minutes my dad was in my room demanding to know why the xbox suddenly wasn't working i told him that i paid for the hard drive and all the games on it and i could decide who used it they were more than welcome to use the xbox that he bought now this led to a big fight with me being called immature and that i shouldn't ruin their night because i didn't get what i wanted to which i pointed out that no one cared that my night was ruined since daddy's little princess got what she wanted it was a doozy a fight that has been building up ever since i was a kid and was too scared to stand to my ground against my father's favoritism now that i've cooled off a bit i do feel like the whole thing may have been immature on my parts but i'm just so tired of being forced to give up what i want multiple times a week because my younger sister demands it and with no backup from either of my parents am i the a-hole big fat no your sister is an immature little bratz and deserves to have the flame coming her way it's been a long time coming you do not deserve that kind of bull crap from your parents i'm surprised you haven't moved out and started a life for yourself as hard as that is but with the way the world is right now i don't blame you for staying home and staying secure dear lord i wouldn't want to be in that situation because that is a whole kettle of fish i don't want to be fried in or boiled because it's a kettle but you know same same difference right your family needs a reality check that is disgusting on everyone's behalf dear lord i'm leaning towards not the a-hole for the actions so you had an evening planned and she had friends over unannounced ruins your plans and it's unreasonable when you had plans to play with your friends from everywhere pulling the external is in a sense malicious compliance if the rules are you bought you decide well yeah not the a-hole for the fighting and arguing it might be everyone sucks here but it sounds like it needed to happen well it sounds like something needed to happen and this is what happened your sister has been taught that behavior is okay but she's old enough now to at least see the favoritism mom wants to keep the peace which is admirable until most of the burden lays on one person dad and you obviously fought i wonder if there are underlying issues going on like if he feels you need to be doing other things and taking the xbox is punishment for not doing them this sounds like more than the xbox issue yeah this is clearly a much bigger issue but op is not the a-hole for removing hard drive and games honestly the dad is an a-hole for thinking he can take back gifts whenever he likes and for getting annoyed when people use his own logic against him opie you really should have a discussion with your dad about his favoritism before you move out i agree the overall issue of an xbox is kind of an immature however what it represents is so much more a sit-down discussion with dad is what is needed i'd be asking why is it okay from his perspective for me to give up my night with friends but immature for me to do the same i would think of all his possible replies which might even be as ridiculous as my house my rules and be prepared with comebacks i would sit down and come up with a few examples of things that have happened over the years and explain that moving forward having always been placed second best to my sister that when things go back to normal i won't be continuing a close relationship not the a-hole opie said that their dad cheated on opie's mom so they could point out how they betrayed their wife and are now betraying their child well where did that come from here's one reply from op oh yeah it's absolutely more than an xbox issue there is so much more that could be included in a 3 000 word or less reddit post like how my father has come to resent me ever since i discovered he was cheating on my mum and had a second family and kept him at arm's length because of it and one of the reasons he is much closer to my sister is because she never treated him differently once she found out i was 12 when i found out she was 16. what i thought she was the younger sister he has protected her calling him out on his crap where i almost had to protect my mother and act as her therapist from a very young age okay i'm gonna guess that they found out at different times she's the younger sister but she found out like eight or nine years later that's i'm gonna rationalize that and he has always hated how much she has told me and even when i didn't want to know so yeah a lot of fun family crap that goes far beyond an xbox issue lol i just wanted to know if i was the a-hole for being petty you're definitely not the a-hole and i'm sorry you've gone through all that as soon as you're able get the hell out of that house frankly i'm not sure you should ever go back good luck p.s your dad's an assat and your sister seems to be taking after daddy updates am i the a-hole for taking the hard drive from my xbox after i was forced to give it up to my sister and her friends so i didn't really have any intention of making an update but some stuff happened again so i figured i might as well especially since there were some requests for an update on the original post since the events of the first post my sister has had friends over another four times two of the times they went out in the backyard for a bonfire one time they used the xbox while i wasn't using it so who cares and another time was a near identical situation as the first post was playing with friends around three nights ago first time that week due to the work schedules and my sister and a group of five teenagers came downstairs my sister stares at me her idea of being funny and when she realized i was ignoring her said that her and her friends wanted to use it i told her i was currently using it and i'd be done in an hour or two in which they could use it if they wanted of course that wasn't good enough so she threatened to get my father involved again i told her that just like last time i would take my property and they wouldn't get to play at all because i wasn't going to back down so she can either try it or just wait another hour and they were free to use it i went on to say things were opening up now and they had other options things that didn't involve forcing me to cancel socializing with my own friends it's also important to note that her friends have always been uncomfortable with this situation many times even taking my side trying to convince my sister that they could just hang out for an hour and they didn't need the xbox right this second but it usually falls on deaf ears knowing that my father wasn't home she instead went to my mother who per usual told me in an exhausted tone to just let her have it since she has friends over i said no and that i told her she could have it when i was done in an hour or so we went back and forth for a few minutes eventually concluding with my mother telling my sister to just wait and she was not happy you would have thought she was four years old and just told no for the first time whining and screaming about fairness and whatnot that gave me a headache that will last the rest of my life but i ignored her an hour later my friends got off and handed it over to my sister who had an incredibly smug look on her face while her friends quietly thanked me i may have been a bit of an a-hole in saying see where patience gets you but i don't frankly care so that's about it wasn't as explosive as last time so hopefully things are changing but i'm sure it would have been different if my father was home the 3000 character limit makes me leave out some details that i apparently can't continue in the comments so i'll answer questions anyone may have thanks for the replies and support on the original post was definitely surprised with the reception it received info have you spoken to your father about his favoritism and how it affects your relationship with him i know you say that it is obvious but sometimes these things are not as obvious to the person doing them as they are to the others also how many nights a week do you play xbox with your friends i've brought it up to him but i'll admit that i've never actually sat down and talked to him about it he's not exactly the let's talk about our feelings type so i've been putting it off but it needs to be done and usually around one to two times a week schedule's depending you might consider taking two hours and listening to breen brown's podcast with harriet lerner about apologies and forgiveness loner talks about a similar dynamic she had with her father and sister it's really good and it could help set up good expectations for the convo with your dad might be like and what you want out of it best of luck am i the a-hole for calling my sister out for editing photos of my daughter so my 33 female daughter is 16 and my sister is 23. my sister is obsessed with her instagram like she posts three to four times a day she's got an appearance and standards my daughter has struggled with her weight for a while she's 1.8 meters tall and 13 stone our goal is to get her down to 11 stone my sister took a picture of her and my daughter and posted it on instagram my daughter was really excited but when she checked it she got really upset she hasn't left her room yet my sister had heavily edited the picture so my daughter looked skinny i was extremely angry and phoned my sister to tell her to take it down slash post the unedited photo she refused telling me she just wanted to show the world what a beautiful girl my daughter was and that she promotes health my daughter is trying to lose weight it isn't her fault and she's a beautiful growing girl my sister has crushed her so i commented i'm ashamed my daughter is beautiful without the heavy editing going on in this photo be ashamed sister for body shaming a teenager take this down immediately and apologize my sister didn't see it in time and got a bunch of negative comments she took it down but phoned me in tears saying i hurt her and that she's sorry but she didn't mean it etc my husband thinks that i went overkill am i the a-hole i'm gonna say no you're not the a-hole jesus she is young she is 16 years old you were so impressionable at that age and heavily editing you had the thought going in you're like hmm she doesn't look right to me i'm gonna change this that's so rude to do that without asking sure go ahead yourself but you're a woman you know what it feels like to be targeted like that the definitely opie is not the a-hole at all they are absolved of any sins in this case the sister is so far deep in the wrong it is disgusting nope absolutely not the a-hole your sister is 23 we have all done crappy things at that age but she is an adult her crappy actions hurt a child your child and all for the sake of her instagram mission you'd be a bad mom if you hadn't done something fast rp's sister's mission doesn't even make sense she wants to promote health by photoshopping photoshopping is probably the least healthy thing you can do for your body and self-esteem promoting health is a dog whistle does that only apply to racism i'm not sure what else to call it for fat shaming not the a-hole you had the courtesy to call her and ask her first she is only upset because you called her bs in the comments section she only removed the photo because she was afraid for her branding and appearing tone deaf yes this is a classic case of not being sorry for their actions but being sorry they got called out for it not the a-hole absolutely not the a-hole you go mama bear as someone who has struggled with weight all my life this is so damaging if your daughter had welcomed the photo that would be another matter but as you wrote it it sounds like it hurt her a lot your sister should have taken it down immediately and you rightfully commented that she should remove it and she got backlash i failed to see how this is not entirely her own faults normally not a go mama bear type fan but honestly sat here look like go off mama nor am i i'm staunchly child free but i just don't like people who undermine a young person's self-confidence like this while not the a-hole i am side eyeing your weight goals for your kid she's 16 at her weight and 13 stone she is in the overweight category by three pounds her weight will fluctuate by twice that during her period for goodness sake dropping her weight to 11 stone puts her quite far towards the bottom of what is considered a healthy weight for her height honestly rather than having a weight goal it would likely be a lot better for your daughter from a mental healthy point of view to have health goals things like running a 5k or lifting a certain weights especially at that age of 16 when her body is still growing i'd go have a chat with a dietitian if you're concerned but at her age focusing so exclusively on the number on the scale is not setting her up for a good healthy relationship with weight for the rest of her life posted by user sis swim ta titled am i the a-hole for embarrassing my sister in front of her friends because she stole my sports bra so my sister borrows my clothes all the time i use that word in quotations because it's full on stealing i tell my parents and they just tell her to stop but have never punished her i've started to put my favorite stuff in a drawer so she can't get into there there is these three bras that i really like and are really expensive the cheapest of the pair is a nike sports prior that was around 115 and it went missing for a week my sister had a couple of friends over and they all do brazilian jiu jitsu so they were sparring in the backyard lo and behold she is wearing my sports bra i didn't even care if her friends were over i went over to her and didn't cause a huge scene but basically said in a stern voice for her to change and take off my bra she said if it could wait till they were done but i said no after a couple of minutes of fighting with me she went to go change after they all left my sister was really mad at me for embarrassing her i told her not to steal my stuff and this wouldn't happen she told my mum and now i'm grounded for embarrassing her and making her feel sad am i the a-hole in this situation no no brazilian jiu-jitsu there is zero centimeters between your body you are just rubbing against people constantly you're getting all their funk all their disgusting body sweat up against you that bra is gonna take a few washes to get all that funk from the amount of people rubbing up against her off of that now that's put into perspective for you guys that don't know much about brazilian jiu-jitsu i don't think opie is the a-hole at all she knew the ramifications of the sisters actions and she went immediately to solve the problem she's got big balls a lot of people wouldn't do that so props to op and screw the sister and screw the mother for getting her grounded what you're just reinforcing bad behavior you're a terrible parent not the a-hole she shouldn't have taken your stuff i'd go calmly explain to your parents that you will not respect your grounding unless they also punish your sister for taking your clothes even though she has been told not to while i agree do not fudging do this it's how you get a harsher punishment i disagree with you baby cakelings well then it becomes a battle of wills each punishment handed down calmly explain it is fruit from the poison tree so will not be respected until punishment is equally applied make it clear you respect your parents but in this case you cannot accept the punishment without punishment being equally applied to your sister lol you're vastly different parents than i it would seem fudging hell i was gonna say they either grew up with very reasonable parents or never got into much trouble my parents were lovely but this still wouldn't fly like if talking to your parents calmly wouldn't fly then your parents weren't lovely posted by user neonapples2000 titled am i the a-hole for asking to change seats at a wedding sorry for the length posting in the wrong sub reposting here ten years ago i thirty male came out as gay to my childhood best friends let's call him a 30 male who added me to our friends including the uni rugby team i played on in australia half of my friends distanced themselves even in 2010 but the others were supportive shortly after the season ended some teammates who had a real problem with me being gay put me in the hospital i figured screw it and came out to my family who were accepting i was close with my younger sister ys 27 female before this so told her the detailed version a outed me i lost a lot of friends a was one of the people involved in my injuries i also asked her not to say anything for the reason that i won't go into here five or so years ago a married a woman called elle elle is good friends with younger sister who went to their wedding after asking me if i had a problem with it four weeks ago younger sister and her fiance future brother-in-law asked me to look at revised wedding contracts i'm a lawyer their wedding is delayed due to coronavirus amongst the info was a seating chart i shouldn't have looked but hey contributory negligence i had been told beforehand that a and l would be invited but not that they were directly across the long table from me and my husbands i asked if it would be possible to move either me and my husband or a and l this was not well received younger sister accused me of looking at things i should not have which is true i had already demanded to be seated near friends and changing my mind could not be accommodated i was asked by them if a and dell could be invited so i could have objected there i was told but much points it's their wedding and that i just need to get over it younger sister and future brother-in-law later communicated no changes were to be accommodated and if i don't like it don't come i told them i want to celebrate their marriage but i cannot sit across from someone who has caused me so much pain and grief if that cannot be changed 12 months out mind you then i will not attend younger sister has since spun this to our parents who are demanding i apologize to younger sister and future brother-in-law for causing undue stress our older sister and her husband have told me i don't know the stress of planning a wedding i do organizing my own while working in corporate law but whatever my husband is supportive and wants me to explain why it's an issue but younger sister knows already in what universe are you an a-hole they asked you if the it's okay with inviting your abuser and you know the baggage that comes with that you said sure you know but it wasn't under the proviso that they're gonna see it right across from you does this sister just not care that hey look he was involved in bashing me he sent me to the hospital for my sexual identity and you're gonna force me to sit next to him and oh i'm sorry i'm sorry my issue 12 months out offends you dear god what century are we living in that people are so offended by putting someone else in a situation they don't want to be in that you know they're going to shut them out of the perfectly good opportunity 12 months out that's my ramble thank you for coming to my ted talk opie not the a-hole not the a-hole he physically assaulted you you shouldn't even have to be in the same room as that person younger sister may know what happens but not realize the damage this person has done psychologically you don't have to explain anything but having a conversation with family about what happened and why you are asking to be moved away from him might help the situation but let me be clear she's the a-hole you have a good relationship with her so she should have your back when you try to communicate a concern edited to add i also do not understand how they can stand being friends with someone who abused another human being over their sexuality i can't either i've cut a lot of people out of my life who have done the same or communicated the same urges disgusting mentality younger sister has over the past few years pointed to the fact that l has gay friends and she sees a being friends with him i've always shut down those conversations because it hurts even more that he could accept people he hardly knows i feel like i could have explained myself better in those situations to her and maybe she would see why it's an issue to me what do other gay people have to do with you it's great that he's civil to others doesn't change the past my dad is the only one who has managed not to deadname or screw up pronouns for my brother's bff roommates but that's manners not acceptance i'd personally go and be gracious for the sake of your sister but that's a deep betrayal and what does my opinion have to do with you or your best interests piss all is what if you have a therapist and are able to get one it might do some good to explore this issue with someone whose job it is to encourage healthy boundaries you can't change the past but you can decide how it informs your actions going forward i wish she would just change the seating plan though if you don't go she'll probably still have to manage not acceptance that's a really good point i'm going to remember that i always had difficulty verbalizing what was wrong in that sort of situation they have nothing to do with me even if a has changed it doesn't change what he did to me i point this out when younger sister made that comment but clearly it didn't land i would only go if not seated anywhere near a and l and only because i am hopeful that we can maintain a civil relationship with a view to resolve this damage in the future not going will ultimately be the end of my relationship with younger sister which i am prepared to do if all else fails but would like to try to not get it to that point not the a-hole how callous can your younger sister be to not understand why you didn't want to sit across from someone who helped you put you into a hospital you're being so accommodating already i really don't understand why a or l or you and your husband can't be moved just a few seats down when we spoke about a's wedding to l i gave her an out i cannot control who you associate with including them just give me a heads up in advance when you're inviting them to milestone events so i can leave early slash arrive late etc because she told me well in advance they were coming she thinks she has done the right thing and i am in the wrong this is the most dramatic thing to happen inside my family and it's a harsh reality check that she and i aren't as close as i thought and there's reality check guys homophobia is just as alive in australia as ever ah it's a twisted country sometimes posted by user new noli titled am i the a-hole for calling my cousin a nice guy which ruined his relationship with his friends i'm sure most of you guys know what a nice guy is a guy who basically expects a romantic or sexual encounter because of basic social interactions yeah my cousin is one of sad guys basically my cousin and a one of my friends both have similar hobbies i know she wanted to discover more people who like the same things that she does so i told her about my cousin she agreed excitedly and i told my cousin i specifically said that a girl wanted to be friends with him and she's in a relationship my cousin is kind of known for pulling the nice guy bs but at the time i still had hope well anyways that was three weeks ago and since quarantine they've only been texting calling and facetiming so i got a text from a and what does she say well she tells me she isn't friends with my cousin anymore i was surprised the day before she was talking about how good friends they are and how she couldn't believe that she found someone she could talk about ex-things with i of course asked her why and she said he's a nice guy you know she sent me screenshots and they were horrendous the typical nice guy stuff her refusing to go on a date with him and him going into a nice guy rant afterwards so after that they stopped talking and a week ago i mentioned it to my cousin he told me that she was a [ __ ] who only cares about appearances i laughed and told him to stop being a nice guy and to get over himself he was ticked and said a [ __ ] like you wouldn't know you only like dicks fast forward to a few days ago he apologized and said he didn't mean it and i forgave him anyways we share some friends and one of our mutual friends texted me why are your friends with such a [ __ ] he sent me what my cousin was saying about a calling her a [ __ ] and telling all his friends she flooded with him and sends him nudes but only wanted sex i asked him to add me he did and i simply said stop being a nice guy his friends tried to defend him but i sent screenshots of their real conversation i never meant to ruin his friendships but i hear he got blocked by most of his friends and a lot of acquaintances one of his friends even blurt out the names and put the conversation on his social media it didn't take that much asking around to find out who he was referring to i feel bad for him to make it worse his parents have called me and told me and i'm an a-hole for doing that apparently my cousin hasn't left his room since then i have really bad anxiety and this whole situation is making me feel really terrible i hate talking to random people and now people i barely know are texting me they're also texting a a doesn't have bad social anxiety but i know she doesn't like getting so much attention from people my cousin is also being harassed and i feel like my family is going to blame me i don't know if i should apologize or not am i the a-hole gonna go with the big fat take here not the a-hole op entirely this blame lies on the cousin he is a dirtbag and deserves to be slapped down for that because it's not socially acceptable if you do that you deserve to be shunned this is the punishment you get this is the harsh realities of life there i said it i'm sorry you're going to learn you're going to grow from this it's not going to be held above you forever just by these people and they can forgive you if they want you can get forgiveness if you ask for it but you know what you're signing up for their buddy and you're a piece of dirt if you do that that's marky's hot take not the a-hole op cousin solely the a-hole not the a-hole play stupid games win stupid prizes if your cousin hadn't lied about what happens to his friend group then this wouldn't have become an issue that is 100 on him and your right to defend your friend from his accusations you didn't out him because he's a nice guy you did it because he lied about your friend and what happened between them good for you the only way to stop this sort of nice guy crap is to shame them out of it basically they need to learn that it's not socially acceptable to act like this and the way this happens is by calling out socially unacceptable behavior actions have consequences hopefully opie's cousin learns that his actions aren't acceptable and he adapts his behavior going forward how to me this just reinforces the me against the world mentality of course you think his behavior is terrible because you're a trampy feminist who hates men and treats him like trash that's what he can tell himself he's so misunderstood no one understands he needs sex if someone has convinced themselves they're the victim no amount of shaming can talk them out of it something has to happen to shake them out of that mentality but you can yak away until they're blue in the face and it just confirms that you're part of the enemy well he has just had the experience that all of his peers not just female op highly disapprove of his behavior that does help with a lot of people so what solution do you have to offer instead i don't have to have a solution to point out that something might not be the greatest idea i can recognize an idea that isn't that great without offering an alternative solution and still be rights that's called wasting time besura time you know what isn't a great idea letting this dude fudging lie and drag this girl's name when opie has the power and proof to put an end to it this dude doesn't deserve crap after acting this way and if this just reinforces his nice guy behavior then that's on him posted by user i have several horses titled am i the a-hole for not giving a kid free riding lessons this is all from last year so lessons were still happening i own a ranch and aside from other animals i have several horses during the summer i offered riding lessons for kids and a lot of people took them because they were cheaper than other places when my neighbor now 15 female was eight she would often come over and watch the horses through the fences on the paddock with the blessing of her parents i gave her free riding lessons in exchange for helping take care of the horses she's great with the horses and last summer i even paid her to help out with the kids riding lessons she helps out most weekends and sometimes she comes by after school sometimes i even let her take my horse's trail riding with her friends as long as she's being responsible last summer the mother of a kid i was teaching asked her if she's taking light riding lessons with me she said yes the mother apparently mentioned that my prices were too high and asked her how much she had paid for her lessons she told the mother she didn't pay she just helped because she lived so close the mother came over to me and asked if i could give her kid free lessons because i had given them to my neighbor i told her that i wouldn't because my neighbor was helping me in return she then said that i was discriminating against her daughter because they didn't live close to me and couldn't help out she also told me that i'm gross for exploiting a child for free labor the way i see it it's a win-win my neighbor gets to hang out with the horses which she loves and gets a guaranteed summer job and i get some help with my horses still the mother was adamant that i'm definitely an a-hole here i feel like kind of a jerk because her kid lives too far away to come very often so am i the a-hole no the kid doesn't need to be paid for looking after horses if it's a passion of theirs their pay is getting horse lessons and getting to hang out with them that's completely acceptable a lot of people getting into their passionate careers will do work for free to start off with that's how you get into industries that's how you get contacts she's just being a karen she is being jealous that her kid doesn't get the same opie not the a-hole karen the a-hole edits both my husband and i have high-paying jobs any income we get from the ranch in the horse lessons is purely supplementary for anyone who's wondering my students pay fifty dollars for a half an hour most take one hour a week so one hundred dollars a week as far as i know they aren't financially struggling the kid is only nine and has nicer riding gear than i do and has her own horses she practices on at home the mother has bragged to me many times that the horse costed over seven thousand dollars and has a pedigree whereas all of my horses costed less than 5000 each and have no pedigree whatever my horses are cuter than hers not the a-hole as a horse lover myself i applaud you for giving your neighbor a job and letting her ride your horses for free ten-year-old me is screaming wishing i had that opportunity that being said that opportunity is earned the child lived next door showed obvious interests in the horses and wanted to be put to work to be able to work with horses it's not entitlement or anything of that nature it's the kindness of your own heart and you do not need to give everyone that opportunity if they haven't worked for it at the end of the day it's your horses so you do what feels right with them rp would be stupid to give one random free lesson because you know they'll go around bragging about it and then everyone will be wondering why they have to pay when the woman with the seven thousand dollar pedigree horse doesn't giving the neighbor's kid free lessons isn't that uncommon either my neighbors would give me candy from their store in exchange for walking and playing with their dog my other neighbor would teach me how to make bracelets and weave if i helped her out around the house neighbors exchanging labor for services is very normal and practical because neighbor's kid is right there also how can you afford a seven thousand dollar horse but not one hundred dollar lessons karen posted by user little butterfly rain titled am i the a-hole for not sharing my full cookie recipe with my family particularly my sister i 21 female love to bake i've been creating my own recipes since i was 11 and have created a few really great ones when i was about 16 i created a chocolate chip cookie recipe that has a pretty standard base this base recipe is terrific and my family has access to it what sets my batches of cookies apart from theirs are three very specific secret ingredients that i don't want to share these ingredients make my cookies almost crack level addictive according to the people who regularly pay me to make cookies for them my recipe has won a few baking competitions and i am extremely proud of it my family on the other hand aren't great bakers my father is but doesn't do it often as i stated previously they have access to and use my basic recipe minus my special ingredients everything else in the recipe is exactly the same and tastes amazing just not exactly like mine my family in light of me finally moving into a campus apartment have been insistent on me giving them the full recipe i don't want to for a couple of reasons the first being that my sister who is the one who makes the other recipe the most has a really bad habit of claiming ideas that aren't hers she's passed a few of my other original recipes that i've taught her to make off as her own recipes and will brag about how long it took her to create the recipe then give it away the second is that i want to have a secret recipe book to pass on to my children a tradition that is in my extended family is to create a book of original recipes to pass on and be the sole provider of that dish for holidays and whatnot no one else knows about what's inside until the creator shares it dies or gets married i want to open a bakery when i'm older with those recipes the last reason i don't want to lose my little cookie business my sister has made jerks that if she ever gets the recipe she's giving it to everyone i sell cookies to so that they don't have to pay me anymore that weekly order filling session is stress relief for me and i don't want to give it up i know it sounds incredibly selfish of me to want to keep it to myself but i really want this to be my thing i've been hearing a lot that i'm selfish and should share with family and i guess i shouldn't ever have secrets so i've started second second-guessing myself am i the a-hole for not sharing my full cookie recipe with my family i was like on the fence about it right until the end there where she's like i'm gonna tell everyone you sell it to so they don't have to pay you what kind of support network is that you know what kind of family dynamic is that that she's gonna like i'm jealous of your business so i'm gonna tear it down because i don't want you being more successful than me and give me your secret so i can tell everyone that's disgusting behavior from the sister seriously opie in no universe are you the a-hole here you're doing well sis keep on doing good edits for all those who wanted my basic recipe i've done this for you enjoy and i'll chuck that in the comments for you guys added two okay clearing up the toll house a bit i only found out it was nearly identical when i was 17. i swear i have never even used tall house brand chips so i honestly didn't know until five four i'm bad at math years ago i experimented like heck to get this right as a kid i'm sorry for the resemblance not the a-hole that's a straight up dick move and i wouldn't put it past your sister keep your secrets you share the cookies with your family and that's enough you don't have to give them your recipe regardless of anything else the fact that opie has a cookie recipe that's good enough to be considered a business asset and that she currently sells cookies and wants to open a bakery in the future means that purely from a business standpoint she would be dumb as hell to share the recipe with anyone else much less someone who has stated they absolutely will not keep it a secret and will go out of their way to share it with other people ten years from now opi could own a successful bakery with these cookies as a major product and her family can eat crap with respect to the recipe agree she shouldn't share it with the sister who will just try to profit off her but want to add my perspective i'm a pastry chef and have been lucky enough to receive around 20 000 recipes from my fellow chefs over the past 17 years i always share my own recipes also as i feel like it's just good karma and professional courtesy if you end up in the industry i think you would be surprised at how much we all try to teach each other and learn from each other rather than it being competitive that said if opi wants to solely run a cookie business then she should probably just keep it as secrets i feel like there's a difference between trading back and forth with peers as a professional courtesy and giving one way to someone who specifically said they'll use it to sabotage you yup not the a-hole it's your recipe and you don't have to share it but i'm now craving for cookies could i have the original recipe of course without your modifications that's yours absolutely i love sharing this particular recipe pm me and we'll discuss it and of course again it's down in the comments it's pinned if you want to look at it that's all for today's episode am i the a-hole for expecting my young daughters to be paid for their work when my girls were five to six years old they were cute as buttons and would often be used for kids clothing fashion parades their mother usually arranged all of this but one day an advertising agency called and unfortunately got me on the phone the job was for a beachside fashion photography shoot i said they were available and how much would they be paid the woman told me there was no fee involved i asked her if the photographer was being paid and she said yes was the catalog printing company being paid yes was the client paying a fee to the agency for the promotion yes so out of all these people involved in a for-profit commercial enterprise the only ones not being paid were the actual models yes she replied but they're only five to six years old i expressed my wish not to teach my kids how to be exploited and the woman asked if she could speak to the mother instead of course their mother hit the roof and told me i was an a-hole i don't know this is the father talking obviously here i don't know enough about these modeling gigs i do know you've got to start with some unpaid work to start picking up paid work but you can also be left to exploitation especially this young so i'm going to go with the dad as not the a-hole for standing up for his kids if everyone else is being paid you should expect to be paid too i think that's just fair not the a-hole people keep expecting artists and models to do work for exposure good on you for recognizing you and your family deserve compensation for your time and efforts models especially i grew up around and later went to college around a bunch of artsy people the amount of photographers would whine about people expecting them to work for free but then turn around and expect models to help them out with a shoot for free was ridiculous they thought if you ask me for the shoot you pay me but if i was to ask you for the shoot it's free of charge was generous and the models were lucky not to be charged to work in the photographer's project the hypocrisy was rampant in my country not only do you have to pay for the children of course you need a contract but the money must be set aside for the children the parents are not entitled to it in any way not the a-hole you're a good dad and you need to watch your wife very closely to make sure she isn't exploiting your children like some of the psychos from toddlers in tiaras what really annoys me is opie said no and the woman thought she could get around it by asking to speak to the mom what a douche move what's worse is that it apparently worked not the a-hole i mean at the very least you should get paid for bringing them over there and staying if you don't negotiate with these people they're just gonna walk all over you posted by user pm me ducks or crabs titled am i the a-hole for having a girl on the boys trip so i 23 male have a tight-knit group of not their real names lachlan 23 male oliver daniel oscar and monty my friend group is mostly male but monty is a female we invite her over for camping trips fishing trips and stuff because she's in our friend group we don't really care that she's a female you know i don't know how to explain it but just boys that are good friends with a girl you see i have a girlfriend named molly and she thinks it's weird for a girl to hang out with boys monty is gay and has a fiancee whom she loves dearly so i don't see how that matters even if she wasn't gay we don't sexualize her as she's our friend the whole group went on a camping trip i told molly that i was going with my friends for the weekend to go camping and she said she was going to hang around with her friends and had fun we stared at the stars made s'mores and slept in a massive tent when i came home my girlfriend was pissed that monty came on what she assumed to be a boys trip but the thing is though i never said it was a boy's trip she is now ignoring me am i the a-hole i'm gonna say you're not the a-hole this girlfriend of yours has a stick up her butts and she needs to figure that one out could be terminal in the long run who knows from the sounds of it it's a mutual friendship with everyone there is no sexual things involved and monty gets along well with the group your girlfriend has a huge problem and that's her problem you're gonna need to sort that out with her you're not the a-hole edits i forgot to mention molly knows monty is gay and she wants me to be her best man my girlfriend is a bit homophobic as well edit two thank you all i had a talk with molly and she broke down and yelled at me that i loved monty more than her she smashed one of my glass collectibles and said i was selfish with putting this relationship on the line i love monty as a friend and honestly right now she's more important to me right now than her what do i do now edit three i talked to her saying if she wasn't going to pay for my crap she broke to stop being so homophobic she could leave she cried and told me that i liked that gay more than her i yelled at her and said i did and that i put up with her crap for too long i left her and i got an angry call from her mother saying to get back with her as i'll never find someone as good as her i said she the ex could go screw herself and i hung up thank you all for the words of advice not ahol she's being possessive paranoid and generally just icky i'll never understand people who think that you can't have friends with the opposite sex when you're in a relationship especially when that friend is gay edits wait you know she's a homophobe which begs the question why are you still dating her that edit though one of your best friends is gay and you're dating someone homophobic all homophobes should be dumped immediately also no one is a bit homophobic they either are or they aren't and it looks like you ended up with the short end of the stick you're not the a-hole for the situation but you're definitely the a-hole for dating a homophobe while you're having a gay friend you're not going to be the one to change her my dude drop her honestly i only stayed because i felt bad for her as she'd begged me to stay and she'd cry she ruined my favorite collectible and called my best friend a gay i finally had the balls to tell her to get out of my house all right you're probably feeling down over what happens but i applaud you for sticking up for your friends enjoy the crap out of that wedding posted by user baked goods titled am i the a-hole for having pot cookies out in the open in my own home this is an ongoing situation and am currently riding this as my niece is having a full-on meltdown so i apologize for any mistakes today was my off day and i decided to whip up a batch of pot cookies cookies that have weed extract in them so i can snack on them for the weekends after they finished baking i left them out on a cooling tray so they can set just as i finished cleaning up the kitchen i hear the doorbell and went to answer and surprise surprise it's my sister with my eight-year-old niece and husband it's been a while since i've last seen them so it was a happy surprise i let them in and the smell of cookies still in the air and niece goes bolting towards the kitchen i instantly go chasing her and as i round the corner into the kitchen niece had just grabbed a cookie and was about to eat it quick on my feet i swooped in and grabbed the cookie out of her hand saying these were adult cookies which caused niece to start freaking out my sister followed in and i explained that to her that these cookies had pot in them and assured her that i was able to take the cookie away from nice before she had ate any she instantly blows up at me saying i shouldn't have pot cookies out when there are kids in the house i explained how i had just finished baking them and they were setting and the fact i didn't expect any children to be around i am a single man no kids she asked if i had anything that wasn't laced and unfortunately i didn't by this point niece has locked herself in the bathroom and is crying and my sister gave me a big old lecture about having drugs in reach of kids well i stand in the premise of there wouldn't be an issue if i had even known they were planning on dropping by today she called me a huge irresponsible a-hole and i responded well maybe if you taught your daughter to not just grab crap we wouldn't be in this mess she left to try to get the niece out of the bathroom and i'm sat here typing this am i really the a-hole here like i can understand not having drugs out in the open with kids around and i never would if i had known there were going to be kids around also before i get any flack i'm in canada and weeds legal here uh no the sister is just making a huge mess out of a non-situation like of course you didn't know that they were gonna drop around it was a surprise you didn't have time to react because your mind immediately goes oh i'm gonna open the door not oh i was expecting the family with the kid to be here i'm gonna go put these laced weird cookies into a place that the kid can't reach first before i go and open the door thereby making them wait a little longer no normal person really has that if they don't know who they're expecting to knock at the door you know stupid sister not the a-hole op not the a-hole it's polite to give people a heads up before you drop by by eight years old you should know not to take things without asking and locking herself in a bathroom over not getting a cookie is ridiculous behavior for an eight-year-olds as the parents agreed two to four years old maybe but they're still learning boundaries self-control expressing their emotions etc eight years old is well past those developmental stages exactly and the fact that sister is defending nice is concerning if i were that mother i would be upset that she simply grabbed something without asking both mum and sister seem entitled very entitled that mum isn't doing her child or herself any favors either the days go slow but the years fly as apparent respect kindness responsibility empathy all the positives traits that we want our kids to have these are things we need to teach and more importantly display ourselves our kids emulate what we do not what we say there is a reason kids and people act the way they do they were taught to by their parents and whoever raised them this niece acts like this because of the mother and i bet the dad had no issues since he wasn't mentioned at all lol dad probably wanted a couple of cookies himself to help him put up with the kid and his wife not the a-hole with all the mediums to connect with people why would you ever pop over unannounced what if you hadn't been home what if you'd been in the middle of something would you then be talked down about having adult fun in your own house when you didn't expect anyone to come over man she should be so lucky it was just pot coggies how dare he have adult fun with kids around there grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr i mean you should be ready to entertain the whims of a child 24 7 especially when you have such kind and considerate family to press you with their presence without notice but but opie has the right of it it shouldn't and wouldn't have been out if he knew they were coming they failed to inform him not the a-hole posted by user throwaway rich dad1234 titled am i the a-hole for not paying for my son's college tuition backgrounds when my son was eight his mother cheated and later left me for a richer man i wanted joint custody but i got obliterated in court because her husband had better lawyers i had him about twice a month for a day or so never overnight and a few holidays i would try to go to as many school events as possible to spend time with him but it was clear that he didn't like me there he never even acknowledged me what hurt most was when he started calling my ex's husband dad all the time but called me by my first name every now and then the whole situation took a huge toll on me when my son was 12. i decided to move back to my hometown and start a business with my childhood friends i tried calling him all the time and asking him to come over for holidays and summers but he never wanted to so i didn't force him i knew at that point i wasn't his dad anymore and like my wife he replaced me with someone better oh that one hurts i still continued to pay child support the issue six years later the business was a success and i'm now making six figures a year i married one of my childhood friends who had two kids 19 female and 8 male a couple of years after i moved she was there at my lowest when i was starting from nothing and i love her kids like they were my own and adopted them a few years ago dad is out of the picture out of the blue i get a call from a random number and it was my son calling me i was so happy to hear from him again but he just graduated high school and got accepted and was wondering if i would pay for his college this hurt me after all these years of low contact he was calling me for money apparently his mum and stepdad divorced a year ago and he wanted nothing to do with him then i told him how i felt after all those years of him ignoring me and told him no i wouldn't pay for his college he then asked me if i was paying for my step-daughter's tuition and i told him yes i'm paying for her pre-med and i'm going to pay for med school after he hung up after calling me useless and my ex called me screaming but i just hung up after a few minutes i think one of my relatives gave them my number but i'm not sure my wife doesn't want to get involved my friends think i was right but my family thinks i'm the a-hole so from a neutral point of view reddit am i the a-hole oh this one's rough too i've been through like similar family situations i guess and being in the shoes of that kid you have a lot of bias you have a lot of emotion going through your head it's easy to cling onto some things and completely block people out of your lives that's completely understandable and i'm gonna guess that son isn't at the point where he's empathetic enough to realize the damage he's done to that dad when the dad was at such a low points but i can fault him for that because people need to learn things the hard way you can't always forgive someone for ignorance and i'm going to say that opie is not the a-hole for refusing the sun this way the sun is the a-hole but this is like a learning curve kind of thing he's going to get better as a result of this because he's been burnt and it takes being burnt to improve as a person and to get a better perspective on the world so i'm going to say opie should stand by their decision that son should figure out a way to get himself through school as hard as it is and if the son wants to rebuild the relationship with the dad i'm sure he is going to offer those opportunities in the future notes i tried several times to get in contact with him and set up trips and such but he said he didn't want to and he didn't want me to come coles with him barely lasted a few minutes because he really wasn't interested no two i only started making six digits two years ago edits i did not abandon my son i left because the whole situation was doing a number on my mental health i still paid child support because i wanted to and he was my son i asked him to visit me or we go travel to other places because the city they live in the one i left still haunts me i've been diagnosed with ptsd since leaving despite not being able to afford it i still tried to make travel arrangements where we go places in this country but what chance do i have when his stepdad takes him all around the world edit too i just want to touch on my mental health when i left town i was diagnosed with ptsd to this day i'm still in therapy but it's getting a lot better some of you are wondering why i left town and here's why i was struggling and broke in a town where i had no one and the one reason why i was still there was my son all my friends and family were on the other side of the country so i decided it was best for me to leave in order to heal i kept in contact with my son but like i said he wasn't interested i tried getting him to visit but again not interested i even offered to take him on vacation but his stepdad takes him to different countries every year so it's not like he's going to pass up going to countries like france and germany to go to small towns in the country and yeah as you know going through teenage hood i can completely see why the sun would do that i don't think it's right but when you're young you're clouded by your immediate surroundings in your environments and i think it's going to take a few years for the sun to mature mentally and realize oh what did i do to my dad if that ever does happen you know doesn't always happen not the a-hole your son wanted you out of his life and you did what he wanted not only that but you finally found happiness somewhere else the fact that he had the audacity to call you only for money after all those years shows his true colors i'm sorry this happened to you you're not the a-hole yes it sounds like he only wants your money and still have no interest in reconnecting with you not the a-hole his son chose what seemed like the richer more successful dad turns out he chose poorly he doesn't seem to want a relationship rekindle with his father or anything like that he simply wants money to boot er i don't know if the son chose the other dad his parents divorced when he was young and his bio dad op was gone at 12. with that already crap custody agreement i'm sure he naturally bonded with his stepdad more he's still only 18 hopefully he decides to bond with op eventually i think it's very possible this is where i'm falling if opi can only see his son two days in a month his ex and her new husband have 25 plus days to be poisoning his son against him it's easy to say oh the son deliberately chose this but he was just a little kid do i think it's a good look that at 18 his first contact is to shake opie down for money no but at the same time i don't know what he's been told about op yeah the hand the kid was dealt is crap but we have to make the best of the hands we're dealt but what's the kid to do i feel like just the mothers the a-hole it honestly might be worth it for opie to try to build a relationship with his biological son again even if it's hard to and valid for him to not want to even saying things like a clear hey you're 18 now if we're gonna have any sort of relationship we need to have a real conversation about how you and your mother hurt me starting with you explaining how and why you think that's the case op deserves an apology as a starting point for anything but i also think it's fair to give this 18 year old who potentially has been unlucky or maybe he's kind of crappy who knows but this happened from ages 8 to 12 the kid was definitely young enough to be turned against op a chance for a direct volley to his son to start to make things right posted by user webdebednan titled am i the a-hole for calling my sister an attention [ __ ] after she smashed my birthday cake i 15 female have a 17 year old sister who for the past few years has been nothing but a complete [ __ ] everything has to be about her and she'll always make up problems to try to get my parents to waste money on her therapy because my mom started going it's all been very cumbersome she yelled at a kid at school to the point of getting suspended because he offered her a cupcake she spends hours exercising in the basement and screams at anyone who goes down there while she's using it and she gets all pee whenever we cook something with an ingredient she can't eat she's very vain and obsessed with herself and all eyes have to be on her at all times all these little things built up over time but today was the last straw it's my birthday today and my parents got me a cake when they brought it out she literally took it off the table and slammed it on the ground ruining it i asked her what the hell and she said nobody told me there was going to be a cake i didn't have time to prepare she and i started arguing i told her that i'd had enough of her crap and can't wait until the day i don't have to deal with her again she kept making excuses and i finally said something like you're the one who creates your problems you're such an attention [ __ ] that you can't handle anything that isn't about you so you do this stupid diet and health bull crap so mum and dad will waste their money on you at that point my parents broke up the fight because my little brother was crying and i got sent to my room my parents have been allowing her crappy behavior for too long saying she's being a normal hormonal teenager but she's just a piece of crap i honestly cannot wait until the day i never have to speak to her again but was i too harsh she's still my sister and my parents never take my side so i feel like i could be wrong yeah i feel like again it's one of those ones where there isn't always a right answer to this and you look at it in the situation at that time you think god everyone sucks here then you look at it 10 years later and you're like god we're so silly no one really sucks we're just young and looking for a fight and looking to express our emotions but i'm gonna say that the state they're currently in everyone does kind of suck here although i think opie was valid in calling her out if she hadn't been clapped down before because again you need to be burned to learn that your behavior is socially unacceptable and you know that can be cultural that can be different maybe that behavior is acceptable in some other places who knows but in my perspective everyone sucks here with you know leaning on opie is not the a-hole but i still think you've got to be an a-hole to say that you know you just have to and it's not always wrong you know it's okay to be an a-hole sometimes not the a-hole it sounds like your system may have some significant mental health issues too if you feel like you can i would talk to your parents about it from a place of love i'm not a therapist but this isn't normal behavior i'm sorry about your cake yeah came here to say this your sister sounds to have some exercise food and control issues this might be something your family needs counselling over like her specifically but it's better for long-term success if you're as supportive as a family definitely sounds like an eating disorder from what opie has said needing time to prepare before bad foods are around is extremely common for people struggling with eds this opie your sister probably has an eating disorder that's a serious mental disease and she needs support from her family if opi were an adult i would say you're the a-hole since opie should have realized that something was wrong with her sister however since op is a teen i go for no a-holes here op please take this as a wake-up call for you you're the a-hole for getting mad when her birthday cake got ruined are you fudging serious mental illness doesn't excuse crap behavior god we have got some contentious opinions here don't we people everyone sucks here your sister sounds exhausting to be around and i sympathize that being said one you assume she had no problems mental health isn't like a broken leg it hides beneath the surface two exercising obsessively and distorted eating sounds like an eating disorder and if no one in this family has recognized that that's awful three you for using the naughty word in an exceedingly inappropriate way they were soldiers who committed uh brutal acts not the men trying to control bratty teenagers four i get sibling fights are common but what you said crossed a line you straight out said to her she's not worth your parents time or money your sister sounds awful to be around and my cousin is the same way that doesn't justify the way you talk to be fair i think the parents know and that's why she's in therapy if that's the case then they need to intervene when these fights are happening and not just punish the 15 year old on their birthday because they reacted to something they clearly don't understand i'm not judging op for not realizing the sisters issues are real but that's when the parents need to intervene and help them understand and make their lives easier they can't just focus on one child and forget the other two and expect everyone to be happy god i really needed someone to back up my everyone's sexier judgment that was the only one there's like thousands if not the a-hole posted by user back to work fights titled am i the a-hole for going on a trip that used to be a guy strip and saying something rude about the guys who had a problem with it i am a woman in my early twenties this year i've started a job at a robotics company where i'm the only woman on the team i get on great with my co-workers it's never been awkward and they've never treated me differently for being a chick till now i guess apparently every year there is an informal camping trip the group does not mandatory but a lot of the team goes it's not something the bosses come around for it's just a chill weekend the engineers and technicians do my co-workers invited me this year and i said yeah i'd come i like camping and fishing i've got all the gear already so i wouldn't need to borrow anything or share a tent with anyone so coming up to the trip i overheard a couple of guys at work saying some crap about how their girlfriends and wives don't want them going camping with another girl they thought it was supposed to be a guy's trip i didn't say anything or acknowledge i'd overheard but i felt awkward about it two of the guys who i'd overheard dropped out of the trip and then the third guy confronted me in front of a group saying did you know x and y can't come on the trip because of you and here's why i might be an a-hole honestly i went that sounds like a them problem being in a relationship with someone who won't let you go somewhere i just don't get why people do that like wow and i guess that got back to the guys who decided not to go and they have said some rude crap about me behind my back they're both in their mid to late 30s and have apparently been saying crap like how i don't know what a grown up in a relationship is like that i'm immature and [ __ ] etc i didn't hear it first hand a friend at work told me about it second hand am i the a-hole am i immature for what i said about the guys who couldn't go on a trip because of their girlfriends not liking it oh my god how spineless can you be those guys are so spineless what kind of relationship are you in that you can't go on a guy's camping trip with one woman that's in a relationship because you're insecure enough to think oh my god they're going to be having sex with her i can't trust my partner it does sound like a them issue it sounds like opie was mature enough to confront them about it and knock back down because it's not ops problem she can't control the fact that she's female and they're male no then to go behind her back and crap talk her when she was the bigger man and pointed out the obvious flaw in the argument here obviously these things don't always have to be said but rp is not the a-hole for saying it they are the a-hole for continuing to spread crap behind opie's back on the basis of her gender and of their partner's jealousy and not being able to trust them not the a-hole excluding women from informal socializing is part of why women have had such a hard time breaking through the glass ceiling these trips and golfing going out to bars as a team playing sports together whatever work buddies do may not be official company functions but they're how networking and building relationships happen if women or minorities can't be part of that they don't build the necessary relationships and networks to advance if some guys don't want to go because you're there that's a them problem not yours keep going to this stuff and don't second-guess yourself and the primary reason for this is these men's insecure wives the men then proceed to lash out at the wrong person my point since i'm sure it'll be missed women stop being jealous of other women around your partner and men stop letting your partner tell you who you can and can't hang out with this sentiment also applies in the opposite direction edits now that i've sufficiently pandered to the near liberal feminist base i feel i can say this if these women weren't cheating on their husbands they wouldn't be so scorned about their husbands cheating on them ah well done blaming women for men who can't set boundaries when people on this sub claim it's overrun with hardcore feminists and is sexist towards men i'll point them towards this threat of comments geez women aren't invited because wives are jealous and because of false sexual harassment claims that last one is especially hilarious because sexual harassment claims are only starting to be taken semi-seriously before me too bosses aka men didn't care in the slightest and the women who were harassed or assaulted were seen as ladder climbing lazy tramps god damn it's no win being a woman sometimes you're either jealous a liar or your career suffers because of sexist crybabies i don't get it you don't think the women in op's story are at fault for kicking up a fuss about another woman joining the trip rather than the women i think it's the men's fault in this situation for blaming op yes the wives are being distrustful and creating problems that aren't there but that's in their respective relationships so who cares and i guess this one started getting semi-political and it's going to piss off some people it's going to make some people happy hearing that i understand that please just keep it civil i'm sorry that i went into that territory this channel isn't for that am i the a-hole for calling animal control and having my sister's dog taken away hello all i 22 female am super allergic to dogs like oatmeal baths and peeling skin days later allergic my sister 24 female knows this and yet constantly asks me to dog-sit her little cujo a four-ish year-old bought a collie i always always say no well today she asks and i say no and think it's the end of it nope one hour later i hear my front door open close and car drive off i go to see what's happening and there's cujo completely tearing apart my mud room so he's essentially contained in this room where you're meant to take off your coats shoes umbrellas blah blah blah before you get into the house the first door doesn't have a lock it's kind of like a screen and the second door that leads into my house does she leaves him in between these two i immediately call my sister who says she just needed to leave him with me for a week and that i can just put him in the backyard and feed him once a day she didn't leave any food i tell her that she has 30 minutes to come back and get the dog or i'm calling animal control she says she's on her way out of town on a freaking bus and can't make it i just hang up 30 minutes later no sister i call animal control and they take cujo away he has wrecked my entire mudroom probably five pairs of shoes a couple jackets and an antique bench thing my sister calls three hours later to ask about the dog who is obviously no longer there i tell her as much and that she'll be paying back for the damages as well she screams at me for a second before realizing she needs to go get cujo and tangs up to try to get someone else to pick him up the shelter has a 48-hour policy so he could be adopted out if someone doesn't pick him up soon she refuses to pay me back and i'm honestly thinking about just cutting her off entirely am i the a-hole edits for everyone saying i should have called friends and posted on craigslist etc you're probably right but i didn't have the time and state of mind to do so i couldn't move him to the yard or drive him somewhere without risking severely swollen eyes and tongue and eventual full body hives furthermore he had wrecked the entrance to my home and i've seen dogs chew and claw up floors doors and walls which would be a much more costly repair i absolutely wish i would have looked up specifically no kill shelters though as far as i know he hasn't been picked up yet but our shelter was emptied out due to all the covert adopters so i am assumed that he'll be fine i'll try to remember to update not the a-hole and what entitlement after you say no repeatedly she dumps the dog on you for a week she's not going to reimburse you for damages go ahead and cut her off she's such an a-hole and didn't leave any food crazy entitlements not the a-hole lack of food poorly trained she should not own a pets especially a dog as smart as a border collie number one smartest breed of all dog breeds they need stimulation and training not just thrown in a yard and fed by someone deathly allergic what an a-hole the dog going around tearing up the room also shows they were either extremely poorly trained or extremely stressed out or maybe even both no matter what it was this post is just yikes on so many levels not the a-hole please cut your sister off and you did the poor dog a favor if he can get adopted by a responsible dog owner border collies are very intelligent and active working dogs who need a lot of training and stimulation it's not its fault it tore apart your belongings it should have been trained years ago and to drop a dog off for a week with no food no toys nothing at minimum your sister is a neglectful idiot i know border collies are so intense i couldn't exactly blame him for ripping up my stuff i suspect she left him with me because i'm the only one she knows with a yard so yard equals border collie friendly i suppose lol my border collie mix can hop and climb fences so that's not border collie friendly to some i had a border collie mix and he spent 15 years jumping and digging under fences we replaced our old wood fence with a six and a half foot collar bound fence ran light electrified wiring around the base and then had to put up additional curved in tops for the bloody thing the a-hole still got out until hips gave up on him turns out he was climbing a bloody tree i loved that little a-hole of a houdini oh my god what an a-hole we had an irish setter and an eight-foot huge chain-link fence and the a-hole kept getting out was he climbing was he parkering up trees was he turning sideways and shimmying through the stairs no my dad hid in the tree house to spy one day a whole dog was opening the gate and closing it what a sneak he just wanted to go visiting that badly we put a latch that you needed thumbs to open on it to stop him posted by user throwaway 929-300 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to split my inheritance with my siblings i'll try to summarize as much as possible i 19 have an estranged grandpa more or less he's my dad's father but my dad hardly had a relationship with him i have two other siblings one younger 13 and one older 26. my grandma divorced my grandpa when my dad was only 10. so he lived with my grandma his whole life in a different state and didn't see him when he got older he saw him a little more and my grandpa started coming around a little bit more as well he'd stay for a week at a time and then go home he was an old bitter man to be honest he never got remarried and lived his whole life in his coastal town with the same friends he'd had his whole life he wasn't pleasant to be around and could hold grudges longer than anyone i've ever met but regardless of this he was filthy rich he owned a successful business that he sold for a million dollars he retired after selling but his house sits on an island as well as the biggest piece of land on the island so it sold for well over 3 million dollars i was never close with my grandpa but i look after his sister who is a registered nurse and he adores her he always told me that he was proud to see me follow in her footsteps he died a few months ago since then my family has been torn apart he left everything to me he essentially liquidated all of his assets and it ended up being close to eight million dollars i was shocked i didn't and still don't know what to do with the money but i'm going to save it my dad and stepmom as well as my siblings are hounding me to split the money with him i just can't do it my dad is an alcoholic who never said anything nice about his dad despite him being bitter my grandpa actually bought my dad a three hundred thousand dollar house my dad would 100 drink away any money given to him as far as my siblings my brother has full financial support from my grandma as he is the favorite and he is very wasteful and ungrateful he never talks to me and always is very mean to me when he does my little sister is the only person i've actually considered she's very young and that's really the only thing stopping me her mom is money-oriented and would take the money from her so i'm waiting until she's 18 and i offered to pay for her college but now my family is telling me i'm unfair and the money doesn't belong to me and i'm not deserving of it that i'm too young and are wasted on cars and clothes i don't agree and now they're all threatening to cut me off and never speak to me or even sue me if i don't give them all a chunk of the money i don't know what to do and i'm buckling under pressure here i've already had two police officers out to my house because my dad is claiming i stole the money from him everything was through an attorney i know i did nothing wrong legally but morally i don't know so am i the a-hole i'm gonna speak on this morally because i don't like really going into legalities on am i the a-hole but the only legality i would go into is that give them the bare minimum that is required in a lease so that they don't have to hound you anymore op you are not the a-hole at all for keeping the money you have explained how everyone else is going to waste the money and how they treated the father throughout his lifetime and how you were the only one that actually showed up and was a positive influence in his life you deserve it they have all shown throughout his lifetime that they do not deserve the money therefore i do not think that you should give them the money it would be morally like spitting on your grandfather's grave because he wanted you to have it so no you are not the a-hole in this situation at all not the a-hole my god these entitled people if they want to cut you off for money that your grandpa will to you show them the door buy yourself a lovely home and move away from them pay for your sister's college and save the rest if you want to show right now that you are giving your younger sister the money put it in a trust that only she can access at 18 or 21. talk with the financial advisor lawyer to set this up that way the mum cannot have access to it and it will be there for your sister should anything happen to you in the meantime with that amount of money i would speak to a financial advisor no matter what it is very easy to blow through the money not the a-hole depending on how much leverage the mom has your mom might guilt your sister into handing the money over you can set it up with a lawyer or accountant that has to approve withdrawals which might be a nice stop gap in case op isn't around to pay the money directly to the sister other steps can be taken to make sure the money goes where it's supposed to yeah i wouldn't even mention a trust for the sister until she was old enough to access it telling everyone right now would just give the sister's mom years to manipulate the money out of her not the a-hole considering the circumstances you mentioned lawyer the hell up if they're going to sue you you might as well be prepared to deal with the ba also in terms of money i highly recommend you invest i don't want to tell you what to do but you can turn that 8 million into generational wealth that can continue to provide for your family for decades to come even putting that into some sort of account with interest would be a lot of money made from just interest my mom always said that if you win the lottery you should put it in a bank with high interest and live off the interest money which i think is a pretty smart move i'm gonna have to respectfully disagree that may have been a pretty smart move but now since the fed lowered that rate to zero percent interest doesn't pay squat my initially very high 2.3 percent interest from my brokerage is now 0.2 you're better off buying high dividend stocks generating passive income through dividends which pay out monthly or quarterly and letting the stock themselves appreciate in value generating even more money for example eight million dollars and 0.2 interest is 16 000 a year the stock [ __ ] on the other hand has a 6.76 dividend yield and individual share prices have gone up from 40.21 to 56.61 in the last three months if you invested that same eight million dollars in [ __ ] three months ago you'd be up 3.26 million dollars already not counting the six point seven six percent dividend posted by user am i the ahold throwaway 67 titled am i the a-hole for letting my sister say arigato and konichiwa at a korean restaurant so my siblings and i two sisters plus three brothers plus me decided to go to a korean barbecue place a while ago one of my sisters let's call her maddie is very proud of her language skills i don't know what that even means she doesn't let anyone correct her and gets very upset if someone tells her she's wrong so as soon as we enter the restaurant she greets a waitress with a konichiwa this waitress is a pro doesn't even look surprise she greets us in korean and leads us to a booth we all sit down and hope that maddie doesn't see anything like that again no such luck every time a waitress approaches our table she greets them with a konichiwa and says arigato when they put down our food by the third or fourth time even the staff are looking amused one of my older brothers brave soul he is tries to tell maddie to maybe cut down on the greetings and thanks since we are at a korean restaurant emphasis on korean she doesn't get it enter brave soul sibling number two attempts to directly tell her she's talking to them in japanese gets cut off none of us try again at the end of the meal we are all trying to hold back laughter as we are leaving sister turns around and says konbanwa after leaving the restaurant i was the first one to break i start giggling then my other sister follows as well maddie immediately asks us why we're laughing we tell her that she'd been speaking japanese in a korean restaurant and she vehemently denies it we pull out google translate to prove it to her immediate you could have done that while we were eating instead of letting me embarrass myself in front of them yeah she didn't talk much during the drive home um i'm gonna say no one's the a-hole here it's not really an a-hole move at all to prove that to her they did try to do it she didn't realize so i guess maybe the cyst is an a-hole but i'd say it's more the sister just was dumb didn't understand and refuse to understand i wouldn't say she was intentionally being an a-hole not the a-hole this sounds like a damned if you do and damned if you don't moments your sister was told a number of times she was wrong but she got annoyed at the interference then she got annoyed outside when she realized she messed up your input wouldn't have made any difference at all agree not the a-hole she was told twice and continued she was certainly not left to speak japanese unknowingly from entering to exiting the restaurants i had second hand embarrassment just reading the post it's worse when you're on the other end i'm korean and all the white people with good intentions will say hello in chinese or japanese and in my head i'm like do i correct this guy or just let it be also when they absolutely butcher the language it's hard to keep a straight face ah yes very good sir everyone sucks here that poor server had to put up with your sister's crap and i doubt that she thought oh well i know the rest of the table is mocking her for it instead she probably thought you were all like your sister when you started laughing on the way out at her that could be interpreted as the whole thing being intentional your sister is arrogant but you should have clocked her after that first greeting this is a korean restaurant stop using japanese clock in this case doesn't mean punch it means basically to check someone or call them out it's queer black slang that i used because i'm a black queer this one restaurant staff have to put up with soft racism every single day and it hurts the staff could have been born and raised in opi's country and yet again they are hit by nihal or whatever by ignorant people and made to feel they don't belong your sister sucks big time and rp also the a-hole for not dealing with it not saying anything doesn't excuse it posted by user throwaway z2a1301 titled am i the a-hole for telling my niece to stay in the closets until she gets her inheritance my 42 male niece 17 female recently confided in me that she is a lesbian i supported her let her know i'd be there etc usual ally stuff however she told me she was going to come out to the whole world this week i let her know she should absolutely wait for her grandparents my parents to pass my father is incredibly wealthy and has tens of millions of dollars in assets that he will be passing down once he is gone my father is a raging homophobe who has flat out stated that any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will and to make sure the rest of us don't just split more money with said gay relative they will instead have that portion of the inheritance put aside for that family member donated to charitable causes that money will be erased from the inheritance since both my father and mother are incredibly poor health stage four cancer and debilitating dementia respectively i told my niece she should stay in the closet for a little while longer if she comes out as a lesbian and they find out she will quite literally lose out on seven million dollars she was a little sad but also appreciative since that is obviously a life-changing amount of money that will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies my wife however said that i am being an a-hole i am telling this poor girl to hide who she is just to appease old bigots that is true i am asking her to appease old bigots but i feel like her life quality will be much better with seven million dollars at the cost of one to two years in the closet at tops i have also seen my father's will and know who is getting what so my niece is definitely going to receive 7 million as long as my father doesn't rewrite or edit his will am i the a-hole for telling my niece to stay in the closet so she can be a millionaire small update my wife apologized for getting snippy with me and now agrees she should hide it for a year or two she is a powerful advocate of lgbtq rights so she had an angry knee-jerk reaction to my dad's bigotry and i think that goes without saying absolutely not the a-hole for telling her to do that i'm pretty sure a lot of people would stay in the closet for one to two years just to get seven million dollars inheritance when the risk is that in that seven million dollars could go to causes that actively work against lgbtq rights i'm saying just morally i would do that if i was her it seems the right thing to do even though a lot of people would not agree with that and people are entitled to their opinions opie not the a-hole oh god i'm torn this is honestly an excellent case study for an ethics class my gut instinct is to say that you should never encourage someone to stay in the closet longer than they want to but yeesh that's a life-changing amount of money no a-holes here besides your parents for being raging homophobes for ethical reasons think of it this way she stays in the closet for the next couple years inherits the money of a homophobe then once she has the inheritance have a nice gay life and not have to worry about her homophobic grandparents bothering her for who she loves this is the way i see it while it's unpleasant that the only way is to conceal her true self it would provide a beyond sturdy foundation for the rest of her entire life and allow her to live a quality life of her choosing she could also once she inherits donate to charities that would help troubled lgbtq plus teens and young adults and the reverse of that is i have a feeling old gramps is spiteful enough to have selected some anti-lgbt organizations for that seven million to be bestowed to normally i wouldn't advocate for someone to stay in the closet but one to two years to both get that money and also to prevent the money from going out to actively hurt other lgbt people seems like a really good reason to twiddle your thumbs not the a-hole 7 million changes anyone's life and it's not like she'll have to hide it forever info are you and your wife the only ones who know yes my wife myself and my niece my father trusts me immensely and is willing to discuss these matters with me my mother knows as well but her dementia is so bad that it doesn't matter she should also carefully consider how and to whom she shares the information amongst her friend group i have seen people out others for horrible reasons it would be awful if she chose not to come out now to family only to have some badinski write a poison pen letter to her grandparents posted by user am i the ahold throwaway 3722 titled am i the a-hole for addressing my uncle who is the same age as me as my uncle on a social media post and embarrassing him i 17 female have an uncle 17 male i've never viewed him as an uncle since he's the same age as me now the little crap finds it hilarious to address me as a niece whenever we meet and insists that i call him uncle family is very meh about it but mostly on his side you address your other uncles as uncles why not him he's a grandfather's son as well he deserves that title from dew just as much as uncle y and zed and x do except uncles x y and z are all around my mother's age so 20 to 30 years older than me not the same age he really put on the waterworks the last time and now i'm really the a-hole for making him feel left out by not calling him uncle and not responding when he says niece i've been disinvited from a few family gatherings because i refuse to bow down well in order to get on some of my family's good side i posted a family pic taken on my birthday in the caption i said thank you to auntie's xyz and uncles xyz except this time i put him as an uncle i thought this would tide them over since captioning him as an uncle is easier for me than calling him uncle to his face my close friends know my family dynamics but the people i don't really know well they genuinely thought we were cousins of some sort well i put him his uncle people kinda went crazy at first they kept saying i accidentally put him as an uncle and when i didn't reply he started getting messages like oh my god is opie really your niece and sir opie's grandpa is your dad all of your siblings are in their like 40s yeah i basically blew up his entire friend group with that one pick he's not talking to me and is pretty ticked i don't see op doing that spitefully op was literally just doing what this man wanted you're not the a-hole for doing that he's the a-hole for putting so much pressure on you and then it finally coming out and him getting the repercussions and then putting that on you oh my god you did the thing that i told you to do and it had bad repercussions and i have to take responsibility for my action now god you suck i'm not going to talk to you anymore no rep not the a-hole he sucks he's dumb not the a-hole our malicious compliance is funny you did exactly what he told you to he shouldn't be mad the tables have turned he can't even be mad he wanted to be called uncle and all the other aunts and uncles also thought he should be called uncle it's not even that uncommon for uncles and aunts to be a similar age to nieces and nephews depending on the age of the parents and while some people might find it weird it wouldn't collapse your friend group unless you lied about it not the a-hole he asked you to call him uncle you did so maybe not in the context he was asking for but he doesn't get to insist that you call him uncle in one setting and keep it a secret elsewhere also why is it embarrassing to him if he is the same age as his niece it just means that he is much younger than one of his siblings and that sibling has kids at a relatively young age so what my mum had me at 30. my grandpa had me with his now ex-step-grandma ex-step grandma remarried and he let people assume his step-dab was his bio-dad i didn't know this until i posted that pic oh this info would have been useful for the op not that it changes the judgment not the a-hole still but it makes it seem weird that he'd be upset without this info he was lying to people about his family relationship you tell the truth because he was basically insisting that you do and now he's mad yeah whatever posted by user throwaway908173 titled am i the a-hole for taking away my son's inheritance hello i will try to make this brief i 56 and my wife 54 have a son 23 who just got married he is an only child my wife and i came to america when i was 22 years old we knew no one had no jobs but over the years we got a small restaurant and were able to make a living 10 years after we got to the usa we brought my mother-in-law over we had saved for years to give our son money when he turned 25. in our culture you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old so they can buy a bigger house etc this is our culture our son knew about this his whole life his grandmother has lived with us her entire life she just turned 81 and still lives with us my son got married in december it was a nice wedding and his wife is very nice she's a white american i'm not adding that because i believe she is racist but it will explain some cultural differences in march all five of us were having dinner and his wife mentioned that they were going to start looking at houses when the pandemic is over my wife mentioned a bedroom on the first floor for we to come live with them my wife said it in a joking way we weren't planning to live with them for another 10 plus years at least until we retire my daughter-in-law look shocked she asked why can't we just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night my son then tells me that she isn't used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make honestly i and my wife didn't know what to say our son gave us the impression that he was fine with us living with him when we got older he would even show us guest homes and the likes from magazines currently we have about eight hundred thousand dollars saved that we planned to give our son it's not a huge amount to support three people especially older people after they left my wife and i discussed our options and we decided that our best course of action was to speak to our bank and use our money for retirement he knows about the money but not how much i told my son and daughter-in-law about the new plan and my son got mad at me saying that he plans to use some of the money for a down payment on a house this is our only money for retirement it was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us we have to take care of ourselves now and don't feel like we owe him that money am i the a-hole edits they don't want us to live with them they said it when told them the plan my daughter-in-law says that she would constantly feel like they were having guests over she also said it wasn't because she didn't love us she also doesn't want her own mother to live with them added two because we're business owners we take deductions that affect our social security benefits we will not get a lot but my wife and i are healthy now and we can work into our 70s or 80s maybe i hope that clears some things up well they're business owners and they know what they have to do with their money i'm gonna say the parents are definitely not the a-hole in this situation if the son isn't planning to make that accommodation for them and they don't have an option outside of this money they have why should he take that money off them at in this point and leave them with absolutely no money or ability to look after themselves in their old age i think that the son is being greedy in this situation and needs to respect that these people are not going to give them that money he is an adult he can make that money for his own house deposit and can pay it himself like everyone else does the parents have to look after themselves everyone has needs the parents are not the a-holes no one's an a-hole here expectations change and that's fine if he's not going to take care of you you need that money to take care of yourself that's really all there is to it yup it's really as simple as that if anyone is a bit of an a-hole it would be op's son for still feeling entitled to the money when he knew the expectations that accompany it it was never phrased as here's a bunch of money because we love you it's been known all along that it's a here's a bunch of money to offset the cost of taking care of us rp's son is allowed to change his mind and only wants his wife and their children living in their home and no longer want the op wife to live with them but that money is for op wife retirement that retirement now just looks different than they expected based on years of understanding i'd say sun is the a-hole for that reason he knows the drill and is getting pissy because he wants the money for himself without fulfilling his side of the bargain op asks how do i explain that to him so he understands and you can say while we'd love to help you with the house this money was set aside for our expenses during retirement you and your wife aren't caring for us in our advanced age which we respect and accept but that means we need it to care for ourselves maybe add it'll all pass to you once we pass away but until we do we need to pay for a home and i personally have a responsibility to set up your mother to live safe and dignified in case i pass before her and vice versa it's fine if you and your wife can't take us in but that changes our plans because it means there's a nursing home to budget for you're definitely not the aholop not the a-hole your son has been well aware of what the money was for his entire life he chose not to tell his wife anything about it and chose not to volunteer the information to you that it wouldn't be happening only you found out because of a fluke in a random conversation why on earth would he think for even a minute that he would still get the money to take care of you when he had no intention of actually taking care of you at this point even if he said he changed his mind i wouldn't give him a penny without getting something drawn up by an attorney and signed by all of you stating what you expected in exchange for the money agreed the sun seems to be an a-hole on up to three fronts one his reaction to their decision to keep this money as retirement money he knew their plan was to retire with him and he just told them that they can't he should expect their plans to change and shouldn't be guilt-tripping them about it they are changing their plans to accommodate him and his wife's desires 2. not informing his wife about any of this in advance he put her in a very awkward position though it does sound like she's handling this very well 3. he may have been trying to delay this conflict until after he had the money that's not clear from the post but i have to wonder if it's true it upgrades his level of a hollery significantly i'm not sure how much of these factors is in play he's somewhere on the spectrum of a-holes though am i the a-hole for filing a police reports on my mother quick backstory when i was 15 question mark my mom took my sin and hooked up cable under my name and racked up the bill and left it to later reflect on my credit bureau fast forward this year i'm getting calls from a collection agency saying that i owe one thousand eight hundred dollars for cable slash internet from 2014 i see i have no clue what they're talking about and ask the address phone number and voila it is my mother's address and phone number i call her and she lies a couple of weeks about it but eventually she says she did do it but i always wanted to give you and your sister what you wanted and couldn't afford to maintain the bills i'm sorry blah blah insert gaslighting and her being manipulative and making me feel like crap about it the collections agency is now saying i have to make a police report stating fraud in order to get this off my credit bureau my mom is texting me paragraphs saying how she's going to go to jail and that my younger sister won't have anyone to take care of her blah blah am i an a-hole for making the police reports my credit is really important to me and she's making me feel like an ass for even considering doing that this is one of those divisive ones that a lot of you people in the comments would be like don't throw your mom under the bus like that she's your mum the mom did a terrible thing and racked up 1 800 in bills is a narcissist and continues to throw the sun under the bus the sun is now 21 and needs a good credit score to continue a productive life i'm gonna say he is not the a-hole for this but i don't know what he would do in this situation i don't expect an update to come from this not the a-hole however everyone who is saying they won't take her to jail for identity theft are crazy over 999 is a felony and if she has any priors they can and will put her in jail keep that in mind because people saying she won't go to jail are probably wrong my mother ran up over one hundred thousand dollars under my name a lot of it by getting fifteen thousand dollar student loans over and over even after i found out and said to stop the worst part was lying to my grandma and getting her to go sign on them my grandma couldn't believe that anyone would do that and even before going no contact with my family that side refused to talk to me because i couldn't pay the loans back and my mother refused to and it destroys my grandma's credit too i eventually had to change my fudging social security number identity theft isn't a joke not the a-hole but can i suggest something else as a former loan officer and working in a banking for 15 years i will tell you crappy parents do this to their children all the time and will continue to do so as long as they can get away with it i echo the sentiments of other posters that said to not trust debt collection agencies because they bought that debt and want their money back what op needs to do assuming op is based in the usa is one add a fraud alert to the credit report at all three credit bureaus experian transunion and equifax it means no new credit can be opened under her name and social security number without the lender contacting her at a phone number she provides the credit bureaus so if mom gets shady again she will be stopped assuming mum doesn't have op's phone two go to annualcreditreport.com to get her free credit reports that she is legally entitled to fyi everyone is allowed to get their credit report from each credit bureau once a year three review the credit reports and find anything that's not hers this includes other debts and possibly information like phone and address and dispute them through the credit bureaus disputes will prove she was a minor when these occurred and should be removed four rebuild credit by opening a secured credit card what that is is a credit card backed by a savings account op opened so for example her credit union will give her a credit card with a 500 limits then op has to open a savings accounts and deposit 500 that cannot be touched after two years sometimes less op can then close out that savings and take the cash back and be left with just the credit card in the event op is bad at paying back that card the credit union will use the money in the savings to pay off the card balance and then close it thank you you're welcome by the way if you're not independent from your mum start working on an asap also your younger sibling is not your responsibility but you can set a good example for them by showing them what a responsible and caring adult is supposed to look like if i were you i'd put a fraud alert on your sibling's credit reports too oh no i've been out of the house since i was 18 due to her narcissistic behavior thanks again posted by user i've made a throwaway too titled am i the a-hole for telling my neighbors to get a bigger yard if they want their kids to have somewhere to play i'm 26 female and living with my husband also 26 and male we've been living in our current starter house for a little over a year at this point the neighbors across the street have four kids under 10 years for reference my neighbor's front yard is taken up mostly by a rather large driveway on a steep incline the lot their house is on is also much narrower than the one my husband and i's house is on my house also has a small pool that came with the house in the backyard a couple weeks ago my husband and i went hiking over the weekend when we got home sunday i saw the neighbor's kid playing in my yard they were riding their bikes in the driveway and they seemed like they've been playing in the yard since some toys were there i told them to leave and brought the toys in the yard to my neighbor and asked her to make sure the kids didn't play in my yard again she apologized and said sorry she'd just been happy for them to get out of the house while she cleaned i thought no problem end of story well last week when i was in my garden my neighbor the kid's mum came and said hi she asked if it would be okay if the kids used my pool since it doesn't seem like it gets used much anyways she said she'd supervise but the kids have been wanting to go swimming but they can't because of corona restrictions i told her i wasn't comfortable with that even if my husband and i were home at the time she seemed to understand and she let it go i don't use facebook much but my neighborhood has an fb group two days ago i checked it for the first time in a while and saw a post from my neighbor from last week it basically said i'm really disappointed in the disrespect for parents it takes a village to raise kids and we should support each other in this troubling time children need places to play and grow when i first moved here i hoped this to be a neighborhood for young growing families i'm just overall disappointed in how some members of this community aren't keen on being friendly to children that's paraphrased but you get this gist she didn't name any names but i connected a few dots and against my better judgment commented maybe you should have gotten a house with a bigger yard if you wanted your kids to play a few hours after my comments i get a text from said neighbor saying she wasn't referring to me and she was very hurt that i'd say something so rude on a public forum i told her not to bother me anymore i have since been removed from the facebook group by the way my husband thinks my neighbor is an a-hole but he also thinks i shouldn't have engaged with her because it just makes me look bad and it'll make living here a pain am i the a-hole edits i didn't expect this to get so many replies over just a couple hours just a few things though the kids weren't playing in my backyard it was the front they are the youngest kids on my street the rest are older kids and the oldest of the bunch might be older than 10 i'm bad at guessing ages the youngest is probably 5 to 6 years old my neighbor and i have been civil in the past but i know almost nothing about her we're not total strangers but certainly not friends the way my neighborhood is built the houses across the street from me are more elevated and have a steep incline which takes up a lot of the space from the front yard my side of the street is more even grounded i use the pool about once a week and it's well maintained you can see part of it through my side yard gates which is an above ground pool i'm going to say that everyone sucks here on this situation i think the neighbor was a dick for putting that post up and being so vague about things i can understand where the frustration comes from but you don't need to vent about your neighbors to your neighbors and i think op was a dick for responding in such a callous way publicly when it could have been handled privately i think this is just a very petty situation and everyone sucks in this situation not the a-hole what how can they even ask to use a random person's pull i would have done the same and said no because if something happens they would be quick to blame you my housemates and i use neighbor's pools all the time the difference is we're friends with her we have dinner together get one another gifts and are respectful the neighbor was just in an entitled mood being friendly towards kids is expected they are still learning social cues and decorum their mother is hampering this by being so dismissive of it all the other difference is it sounds like you're of age i wouldn't want the responsibility and liability of four kids under 10 in my pool if i had one god forbid something happened to a child and opie is on the hook for medical bills or a lawsuit i mean if the neighbor was also a close trusted friend then hey can my kids and i use your pool wouldn't be unreasonable for that matter op might well be inviting them over to begin with but yeah the close and trusted friend bit is sort of important everyone sucks here i'm on your husband's side on this she's an a-hole for the post but you shouldn't have replied to be clear you're not an a-hole for not wanting her kids to play in your yard or use your pull exactly just complain to your husband and leave it off facebook everyone sucks here i'm not so bothered by the fact that she responded although getting into facebook fights is definitely childish but how she responded that was botched she couldn't have done a better job of supporting the neighbor's silly argument if she tried saying you should have bought a larger more expensive piece of property if you wanted your kids to have a yard is playing right into the neighbor's hands op sounds conceited classist and totally unempathetic the kicker is that opie should have the high ground here she didn't do anything wrong by asking the kids to play in their own driveway or by refusing to let her into the pool the mother is acting pretty entitled but now the mother looks like the good guy posted by user throw away am i the ahole 69 422 titled am i the a-hole for not supporting my ex-girlfriend financially despite us severing ties completely my ex 23 female and i 22 male were together for around two years and have been separated for almost two years when we broke up i moved to university and she stayed behind to work recently she's been trying to reconnect with me i primarily ignored her because after the breakup it got ugly won't get into details just a brief overview we broke up because she wanted an open relationship asked multiple times before we broke up and i wasn't down with the whole idea she showed her true colours after by slandering me with false accusations on social media for our friends to see while i wasn't perfect in our relationship it was all very untrue so we severed tires entirely so as of late she's been trying to become friends again which i thought was incredibly weird it's now summer and i've been working my ass off and making decent money and saving money for future rents around a week ago i heard a knock on my door when i opened the door who did i see my ex-girlfriend is standing there bawling her eyes out i thought something horribly wrong had happened so i asked her if she's okay and she just hugs me hard and cries a lot so i invite her in to sit down and talk i was worried something had gone wrong so i again asked her what was wrong she didn't want to say so we waited 10 minutes until she was ready to answer she told me straight up that she needed three thousand dollars i asked her why she needed that kind of money she said the dealership was going to repossess her car if she didn't pay what was owed at first i was sympathetic because that does suck but then i remembered that she had recently just before covered gone on a like five thousand dollar vacation to the bahamas with her new boyfriend i initially tried to tell her that i didn't have that kind of money to spare but she wouldn't take no for an answer she said things like i still love you and i know you love me so please help me out and saying please nickname she used to call me when we were dating i declined because it was her fault that she was in this financial situation eventually she must have got the hint that it wasn't going to happen and she left some of her friends reached out to me and started calling me an a-hole because i wouldn't help her in her time of need and some said at least pay some of it none not one of them offered to help me pay off the debts i refuse to help pay because i know she wouldn't do the same for me am i the a-hole no op i know you're coming here to look for validation absolutely you are not the a-hole in this situation it's okay to vent about these situations it's okay to get this off your chest reading the comments is a good way to find out why you're not the a-hole and how to approach this one she is definitely gold digging you looking for sympathy and she is a huge walking red flag in disguise she is the entire russian army of red flags buddy i would be i would stay away block her and everything she is dangerous you are not the a-hole she is the a-hole not the a-hole this is pure manipulation on her part you owe her nothing i would understand if someone wanted to help a friend out but she is not your friend she is someone who hurt you slandered you lied about you and now hope you're naive enough to be manipulated so much not ahol do not fall for her scheme thank you for the response an outsider perspective really helps it almost worked out for her it was hard to separate former feelings for her from what she was asking i wasn't going to pay the whole thing obviously but i was tempted to help but i'm glad i wasn't manipulated and i held firm i'm glad you held firm just think how utterly crazy it is for someone you broke up with two years ago to come and demand money from you she's probably desperate because no one else is falling for her manipulative tricks cut all contact with her and her so-called friends you do not want these kinds of people in your life not the a-hole no matter what anyone else says it's your money at the end of the day why doesn't her new boyfriend's family help to pay or her family or her friends or his friends not her ex tell her she's crazy like an hour ago i asked one of our mutual friends why and he told me that her parents refused to help because of the vacation thing said to them it was a teaching moment and her boyfriend is just as broke as her he burns money just as fast as he makes it he only works for close to minimum wage as a cashier i've blocked her and told her not to show up at my house from now on to try to manipulate me posted by user welcome to favortown titled am i the a-hole for asking my date for their id to confirm their age i 22 female went on a coffee date with this guy from tinder after talking for about a week on the app it said that he was also 21. when i got to the coffee place he looked kinda like his pictures but a little younger making me question his age so i decided to ask him if he wanted to get a drink later he started acting kind of weird and looked nervous before suggesting dinner instead this was odd to me because he had previously said that he enjoyed drinking during the date he also said he worked somewhere else than he had told me via text making the whole interaction seem off at the end of the date i asked him to drive me home and when we were in front of my apartments i brought up the inconsistencies between what he texted me versus what he said and asked to see his id he started crying and apologizing and showed me his id he was 18. i felt really bad for making him cry especially because i didn't plan on going on a second date i told my friend about it and she said i should have let it go and there was no need to embarrass the guy so am i the a-hole um i this is a hard one for me i'm gonna say she's not an a-hole she was just covering her own tracks he's the a-hole for lying like it was his reaction to cry she wasn't going in there with the intent of you know him crying you can always make the argument that the pathway to hell is paved by good intentions sure but i don't see him being a malicious person in this situation i don't see any reason why she would be the a-hole so he's the a-hole not her he lied she didn't not the a-hole that's manipulative and gross and if he's not called out he's more likely to keep doing it to other women report his tinder account edits if you're sitting at your computer thinking about commenting on how women do it more often or women do this too ask yourself where i said it's only gross because he's male also go for a walk or something bro i don't care not the a-hole he did the right thing he could have been a minor exactly there are people who are saying everyone's sucks here because op didn't need to see the id because she wasn't going to see him again and he was 18 so she wouldn't have gotten in trouble but how could she have known he wasn't younger she could get in serious trouble if he had been she was right to ask about it exactly my points it's good for her to know because what if someone tries to drop her in it for going on a date with a minor and she's not prepared for it what if they had ended up staying friends honestly he very well could have been 16 or 17 and lied again when caught that he was 18. i've heard of it happening he had his id sorry not in this case but you should always check someone's age if you're unsure before pursuing them sadly in minnesota 16 is the age of consent so if they're driving they're safe but really i would not recommend it my ex slept with a 17 year old at 35ish didn't know that until near the end oh god posted by user sully beatz titled am i the a-hole for getting angry at my friend's weeaboo brother my name is jacob i was born in 1994 and i grew up in misawa japan my dad came from the united states in the late 80s and met my mom my dad was in the military and was stationed there being japanese and white was already a struggle for me growing up in japan but the struggle got even worse for me once we moved to the united states in 2009. i was viewed as a zoo animal to people at school and in my personal life outside my friend's little brother is a weeaboo if you don't know what a weeaboo is well a person who retains an unhealthy obsession with japan and japanese culture typically ignoring or even shunning their own racial and cultural identity many weeaboos talk in butchered japanese and while weeaboos claim to love and support japanese culture counter-intuitively they tend to stereotype japanese culture by how it appears in their favorite anime literally i learned to despise them imagine sitting in the cafeteria quietly eating lunch you brought from home and this kid in a dragon ball hoodie comes up to you yelling konichiwa jacob son can you bless me in the art of naruto just looking at him as you slowly die inside and everyone around you gives you a look of amusement yeah his brother is exactly that he's the chubby guy who loves to hang out with us but only because i'm there i always get pested about life in japan and how everything he views is perfect he was telling me last night about how the otaku culture is loved in japan and he would fit in so well with people and i'm basically disrespecting my culture for not knowing certain things he likes i finally snapped at him and told him that otaku is basically calling himself out in japan they are viewed as weird unhygienic outcasts people would think of him as miyazaki tsutomu a otaku murderer it's more of an insult he would make a fool of himself and people would not like him acting that way japanese dislike outsiders i know that for a fact and i at least have japanese blood he got offended by this and basically called me a piece of crap am i the a-hole no opie you're not the a-hole for that he's disrespected your culture significantly and by the sounds of it this is a very sensitive topic for you and one that you have a great depth of knowledge about i'm surprised you didn't call himehiko komori for that attitude that he's giving you he's an a-hole he's stupid he's ignorant you were not you're a cultured fellow opie and i tip my fedora to you not the a-hole he's basically fetishizing your culture which is disgusting it couldn't go on like this forever not the a-holo p i agree with you i used to think weeaboos respected me but they genuinely thought japanese people were a monolith all otaku and couldn't understand most anime equals not a very accurate reflection of society slash most interactions in japan weebs don't like japan they like their idea of it and their idea of what you should be i'm also half white and half japanese feeling for you right now they take trying to learn about another person's culture which is an awesome thing to do and turn it into this crappy cringy mess that makes everyone uncomfortable and spreads falsehoods about japanese culture not the a-hole i am honestly amazed you didn't react worse than you did he had it coming by being an a-hole to everyone just because you like japan doesn't mean you should shove it down everyone else's throats let's face it he doesn't actually like japan he likes anime there's a difference if you were asking about the actual culture and history i think it'd be a little less gross posted by user mockhawk book titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife what my parents think of her this is my first reddit post i'm normally a twitter guy so forgive me for formatting issues i'm not used to all of these characters my wife megan and i are both 30 and we've been happily married for almost a year now i know it sounds cliche but i genuinely feel like i'm married to my best friend we have a great relationship megan's parents are pretty cool my parents are another story my parents and i are first-generation immigrants but i was an infant when we arrived so i have no memory of my birth country my relationship with my dad in particular has been deteriorating for the past five years or so we have completely opposite political views among other issues megan and i have tried to set boundaries on what we will or won't talk about with him but he ignores those boundaries as a result i don't enjoy talking to him at all anymore megan was more patient with him than i was but even she finally muted my dad on whatsapp and they don't really talk at all these days she does still send my mom pictures and updates about how we're doing my mom pressures me to talk to my dad even though she knows that those conversations don't end well yesterday was my dad's birthday so i gave him a call he wanted to talk about some current events even though i wanted to avoid that topic and things got heated we hung up and i thought that was the end of it megan wasn't even in the same room during the call and the entire conversation was in my parents native language which she doesn't speak a little bit later i got a long text from my dad where he said he thinks megan is controlling what i say and think and he blames her for the dumpster fire that is our father-son relationship essentially he thinks she's brainwashing me he's implied stuff like this in the past but this was the first time he explicitly spelled it all out so i told my dad to stop talking crap about my wife i also told megan about what my dad said and she was pretty upset if anything she has tried to improve my relationship with my dad and i think this was a pretty big blow to her in response she wrote my dad a message that in my opinion was far more civil than he deserved saying that she knew what he said about her and that she was heartbroken that he thought of her that way she also told him that she will no longer be in contact with him she asked me to read it before she sent it which is why i know what she wrote now both of my parents are blowing up my phone saying i'm an a-hole for telling megan what my dad said about her but i think he should have kept his opinion to himself in the first place and it's unfair of him to expect me to keep something like this from my wife megan for the record is not upset at me for telling her what my dad said she seems sad about the situation but she says part of her is glad that she now knows what he actually thinks of her in her words this whole thing fudging sucks so am i the a-hole edits i've been talking with my parents today and it turns out that my mom was the one who wrote the whole we think your wife is brainwashing you text but she sent it via my dad's phone i honestly don't know what to do with all of this i think you're not the a-hole at all for this situation i wouldn't know how to approach this one morally they're the ones in the wrong i don't know your family dynamic op and i hope that this goes well it's never a good idea to keep secrets from your wife we all know that you know definitely with my non-existent wife i never keep secrets from her but yeah there's no way that you're the a-hole and i hope you sort this situation out amicably not the a-hole she's your wife and you can and should tell her things like that preach especially if op's parents are not supportive and don't respect boundaries you seem to communicate in a really healthy way with your wife don't let your parents make you feel bad you deserve support why would a parent assume otherwise she's his wife they should assume anything that relates to or affects her will be told to her it's not fair to expect someone to keep secrets from their spouse unless it's something personal medical or whatever that doesn't affect the spouse in any way not the a-hole i hope the irony is not lost on you you're the one who's supposed to have a controlling wife and yet your mom is using your dad as a mouthpiece tell your mum your wife is not like her and does not control her husband savage and i love it not the a-hole marriage acquires honesty maybe now your wife will stop trying to mend things some people like your parents can never be changed truth i tried for years with my in-laws and if anything things got worse i eventually gave up and just started supporting my husband until he cut them off they still blame me for it even though it was their abusive actions that caused him to give up too he was the scapegoats and his family still tries to drag him back i'm super proud of him because without their constant you're a loser and will it never amount to anything he's really blossomed sometimes you just need to cut off the extra baggage alright guys that's all for today's video i hope you enjoyed this one today tell me what you thought of it down in the comments below if you're not subscribed to the channel i would love you to subscribe because i love your face and i love seeing you here every single day that you are here in this video i don't know what else to say today guys i hope you enjoyed the content i do have a second channel that's called marky2 link should be up on the screen somewhere here if you don't have adblock installed uh if you don't know where to find the channel you can go to my main page just click on the marquee face and it should be on the right somewhere there or on channels if you're on phone hope you guys have a good one i'll see you in the next one bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 53,060

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: W5x0LXu_HKM

Length: 160min 18sec (9618 seconds)

Published: Sun Jun 21 2020