r/AmiTheA**Hole For REMOVING Daughter From Her Therapy Sessions?

good day there guys only watches these videos for the introductions and then immediately clicks off them back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love me like i love you i want you to click like on this video sit back relax and enjoy this bloody good content posted by user am i the ahole0193 titled am i the a-hole for canceling my daughter's therapy because she has bad grades my daughter 14 has anxiety problems ever since she was little but it was not severe three months ago my daughter changed drastically she stopped eating talking to us or her friends and her marks dropped we were really concerned about her and her teachers strongly suggested we take her to therapy which we did and she was diagnosed with severe depression and social anxiety which we expected the therapy sessions looked like they helped her well in the first months she already began making progress and started talking to us and her friends again and is eating whatever her mother is cooking we were really happy to see this and every day she would get better and better the thing is her marks did not they had terrible and she ended up barely passing this year this is what infuriated me and made me cancel her therapy sessions i know to some it might sound terrible but i'm paying 120 per session and seeing no progress in her marks makes me feel like i'm seriously wasting my money now that she returned back to normal not only that but she really enjoys going to therapy i think telling her that she needs to get higher marks to continue her therapy sessions will motivate her to study harder and thus score better marks my wife disagrees with my logic and we had a massive argument because of it which ended up with her saying that she is going to pay from her money which hurt me since icy mind her money is ours my daughter is also really upset with me and was begging me to keep her therapy sessions but i think i'm just gonna stick to this plan am i the a-hole here yes yes you are the a-hole cutting her therapy sessions is not the way to go about it you acknowledge at the start there that she was really suffering and yet you do this anyway that makes you a terrible person op and i really think you need to revert your decision and think about what you're doing to your wife and yourself and your daughter really really stupid all round you're a bad person for doing that you're the a-hole and edit i deeply apologize for my ignorant replies and for hurting so many people please know that i had no intention in offending anyone and it was so upsetting to see how mental illness has affected many of you i hope you guys can overcome this one day i've talked to my wife and her therapy sessions will continue she's returned to normal i don't think you understand how depression works it sounds like all you care about are her grades and not that she gets to a better place mentally you're the a-hole exactly he thinks depression is something you can switch on or off that works like a flu you take the medicine and you're fine what the hell right it's not like therapy is a quick fix progress and she probably enjoys going because opie clearly doesn't understand her needs or listen to her when she's having trouble you're the a-hole god they're so lucky this child likes therapy and is drastically improving and has an excellent rapport with her therapist and that their family can afford it all rp is sitting on the holy grail of how to help a child with mental disorders and he's just like well still no better grades so i'm gonna punish you by axing your medical treatment wait therapy isn't designed to improve grades either get her a tudor op you're the a-hole right like depression can affect grades but if everything else is improving except grades it means she likely needs more academic help not less help in general you're the a-hole full stop taking away health care for grades isn't just an a-hole move it's negligence by denying her therapy you were just going to make things worse for her possibly causing her to backslide into depression and making her see you as the enemy since you see how therapy is helping but you're denying that to her under this logic you keep her from getting chemo if she has cancer or refuse her insulin if she had diabetes unless she got her grades up mental health is no different from physical health care also good for your wife is standing up to you and saying no to your a-hole decision she's a good mum who is looking out for what is best for her child also why is this guy thinking therapy is tutoring keep your kid in therapy and get her a tutor you're the a-hole seriously his daughter had two issues she was struggling with her mental health and was struggling with school therapy was the correct response for her mental health and opie should have also gotten her a tutor or spent time with his daughter on her schoolwork also one month of therapy is not enough time to help his daughter in the long run therapy isn't meant to be forever but you do need to be able to spend enough time to learn all the tools and coping mechanisms you need to be able to go on without therapy ob you're the a-hole grades won't matter when your daughter is struggling with her mental health please take her to therapy and maybe consider going yourself to work on your inability to treat your daughter with the love and support she deserves to add as someone who has been involved in education and has mental health issues it's very well documented that grades or really performance will be the last thing to improve with treatment opie said she wasn't eating well even the girl was genuinely sick and just getting back to even ground she's probably behind and a tutor would not be a miss but it's a little early to suggest she's never going to catch up as just finally eating and socializing is a far cry from being stable enough to be educated unfortunately it's a hard truth posted by user enough pressure titled am i the a-hole for washing my boyfriend's clothes my 22 female boyfriend 27 male asked me to wash some of his clothes for him since i was doing laundry today i told him to put any clothes he wanted washed in my hamper and i'd include them he left his wallet in a pair of pants to be washed but i didn't notice as i was putting them into the washing machine and i assume he would have checked them anyways considering he had already put them in my hamburger so basically i accidentally washed his wallet he was looking to leave the house and he is notorious for misplacing his keys and wallets and then freaks when he can't find them when he wants to leave and couldn't find his wallet so he starts getting angry and asking if i have seen it i asked him if he maybe left them in the pants he asked me to wash he says you didn't check what the hell and i said no i don't leave my wallet in my pants so i don't think to check cue anger from him i go and stop the wash cycle it had been running for about five minutes and check and lo and behold there's his wallet soaked lucky literally nothing was ruined all his business cards money id etc are totally fine just needs a little while to dry but he is so incredibly seemingly irrationally angry at me and said i was being careless and that i ruined his day by accidentally washing his wallet at first i apologized but now i'm kind of upset that he blames me completely and is telling me to never touch his clothes again let's not talk about it because i'm too mad to speak to you etc i feel like it was an honest mistake and quite frankly now i'm ticked at him for making such a big deal out of it he's stomping around the house like a toddler right now slamming doors because he doesn't get to go to the gun show that he wanted to but i don't understand why he can't go with a wet wallet none of his cash set aside to purchase the gun was even in the wallet so it's all dry and he could still purchase the gun anyway i want to know if i'm biased and if i really did do something wrong by not checking his pants and even giving him some sass by saying i don't leave my wallet in my pants am i the a-hole no you're not the a-hole did he take his pants off and put it in the laundry basket with the wallet still in there i feel like that's his fault and if he doesn't want it washed do your own washing mate you're 27 years old time to be a big grown-up and not a big baby if your wallet gets wet and nothing gets damaged we don't go stomping around in slamming doors that's a big no-no you've had nine years to grow up it's crazy how it's 20 20 and we still have emotionally vulnerable men stomping around the house because their wallet got wet it's not a situation you really think of opie you're not the a-hole for doing that you got the wallet out you apologize that you didn't check every pocket of his pants when you're washing his washing that's fine it's completely okay it's a slip it's a mistake both of you made a mistake he's the one that isn't accepting an apology or apologizing for his attitude you're not the a-hole he is not the a-hole this is actually a little scary he's both throwing a temper tantrum and trying to buy a gun my thoughts exactly what a big friggin baby toddler was too nice does he need his mummy girlfriend to put him in a timeout for his bad behavior too since he can't even check his own pants for his own wallet you are definitely not the a-hole but he sure is i'm still trying to wrap my head around how you leave your whole ass wallet in your jeans when chucking said jeans into the hamper and not noticing the extra weight maybe i'm just more in tune with the heft of my pants but for instance if my phone was still in my pocket's post pants removal i would absolutely be able to tell 100 all of this could have been prevented if he checked his own clothes definitely not the a-hole like how is that even a question because either a opie is insecure and unsure of herself and her decisions or b the boyfriend has played off her insecurity and manipulated opie into believing that since he's older than her that he knows better than she does aka he's always right that he knows her own self better than she knows herself that she's naive and dumb and needs him to be able to function in the world while at the same time saying things like i normally wouldn't date as young as you but you're so mature and making you feel like as sequel until he needs to use his authority and remind you that he's making a special acceptance to date you and you shouldn't take it for granted etc etc and all of the above again makes her insecure about her decisions and ability to leave him etc things like that you know just a possibility that i imagined and i wish every young woman read your comments that's exactly it thank god he's just a boyfriend i had to jump right back to the top and to make sure it's not a husband we're talking about he's a total ass but you're not married to him if this is the first time he's been a turtle ass let him cool off and see if he comes to his senses this is a test so don't spoon feed him the answer if he doesn't straighten up or if he's been an ass before start looking for an apartment life's too short to live with a big bitter baby not the a-hole posted by user snoopies8552 titled am i the a-hole for telling my girlfriend her clown makeup is embarrassing throw away because my girlfriend knows my mane my girlfriend and i are both women since i was in high school i've been really into wearing makeup when i have lots of time in the morning i can spend an hour plus on my face my girlfriend on the other hand is very anti-makeup she thinks it's a tool of oppression and shouldn't be required of her to wear in public etc corona restrictions are opening up and last week we got into an argument after i made us late to a friend's party by spending too long getting ready to leave the house she blew up on me in the car basically saying that i shouldn't even have to wear makeup and i'm just perpetuating gender stereotypes i said my makeup was a form of creative expression and it wasn't just so i could look pretty for men she said it was really convenient that my form of creative expression happens to look exactly like what men find conventionally attractive we ended up apologizing to each other and i thought that was the end of it but yesterday we were going out grocery shopping and my girlfriend came out of the bathroom wearing a full face of face paints i told her she can't go to the grocery store looking like that and she told me it was based off a cirque du soleil clown and that she is showing a legitimate form of creative expression i told her if she went out like that i would be embarrassed to be seen with her and she called me a [ __ ] am i the a-hole i'm gonna go against the grain here this is a normal fight in a relationship i don't think opie is the a-hole for talking her mind after the girlfriend talked her mind about her supposedly valid critiques of normal makeup while the clown makeup wearing girlfriend said that she shouldn't be doing it based off oppression the other one did say that she can't go to the grocery store looking like that and i feel like you know that's a more serious one you shouldn't as opposed to you can't different wording different heaviness different weights but opie doesn't wear her makeup to spite her partner this second one her partner was doing it to spite her and doing it under the guise of creative expression i don't think opie is an a-hole for the way that she's reacting because opie's partner knows that she's going to be embarrassing opie whereas opie is never embarrassing her partner to be around i would have the same reaction opie not the a-hole everyone sucks here your girlfriend has a right to be annoyed about being made late and has a right to make a complaint about that but does not have the right to manipulate the argument to impose her values about makeup wearing on you she's being a sanctimonious pain in the ass about it however if she wants to wear clown makeup in public you have no right to impose your values on her either it's really no reflection on you so don't worry about it stop trying to convince her with the creative arguments tell her you're an adult and she's not your mom and you'll wear makeup if you want period how does opie suck for calling out an obvious attempt to use overkill to drive home a point it's not like her girlfriend tried to put on some makeup for the first time didn't do a good job then got crapped on by op or has always been into clown makeup as a form of expression she is purposely trying to cause a new fight by all of a sudden deciding to wear clown makeup after a fight come on now call the bull crap the fight is what she wants calling it out is just taking the bait then you get into why is my creative expression on my face embarrassing when yours is fine is it just because yours plays into the patriarchy of society and you've drunk the kool-aid etc etc that's exactly what the girlfriend was looking for and opie fell for it much better for opie to spot the obvious attempt and say nothing and let the girlfriend embarrass herself 100 to 1 odds the girlfriend would have lost her nerve before they got to the store that's just extra steps if she's going to pull this level of frickery a fight is going to happen 100. calming down and talking about it rationally went out the window when she put on the red rubber nose you would think adults would handle problems in their relationships by talking about it calmly not this petty game of chicken if the girlfriend was really ticked about her having too much makeup that would be one thing and i'd be on op's side because nobody but her is allowed to decide that but girlfriends seem to be mainly ticked about her being late if you want to have a three inch layer of makeup on then by all means do but then plan accordingly and start getting prepared earlier being late is being disrespectful to the person waiting clown thing was obviously childish but hey if it drives home the point apparently ob2 thought she had a right to decide how her partner should look can't really decide i'd say everyone sucks here but with opie being like 75 a holiness and girlfriend being just 25 or so so almost you're the a-hole for op not the a-hole she sounds passive-aggressive and judgmental it's your prerogative to wear makeup if you want to and she should accept that without all the histonics also given that you're in a gay relationship her remark about how you're trying to look pretty for men sounds like she's insecure and projecting it on to you this doesn't sound very healthy i gotta say not the a-hole she's doing it to belittle you and trying to prove how right she is and not conforming to her view which is diminishing your individuality can't believe this doesn't have more upvotes honestly shocked by all the everyone sucks here but not really because this sub is fudging stupid sometimes lol this is a huge red flag one of the top comments is saying that opie got owned by her girlfriend's clown makeup point that's how you know it's a bunch of idiots here you can debate it if you want but the majority of the sub says not the a-hole and i stand with op on it posted by user snooze66130 titled am i the a-hole for telling my step-dad to stop trying to be my dad i'm 35 and my mom who is 52 is dating a man who is 27 bit of a 25-year age gap there this is fudging weird as hell and i really don't like this guy but whatever he always brings up the fact that he's my stepdad and always talks about how proud of me he is and how good of a son i've become and how he's raised me so well and crap oh oh that's so wrong oh god like he's literally acting like my dad which pees me off because he's younger than me and was barely ever in my life but more so because i actually had a dad who unfortunately passed away i told him to stop in private and he just brushed it off as nothing my step-dad was at a family gathering and he was making jokes about how much of a great stepson i am and how proud of me he is and i lost my crap and said listen you worthless sack of crap you are not my dad just because you're dating my mom you didn't raise me and you're the youngest person here shut the frick up you're an annoying brat and you're fudging weird for dating someone almost twice your age shut the hell up and the rest of us don't want you here he packed up his crap and left two-thirds of the family was happy that he was gone but the other one third basically won't speak to me and it ticked off including my mum that's just really creepy as you can see by my reaction to this what in tarnation is going on with that man is he like disillusioned 24 7. he did not raise this 35 year old person not the a-hole for freaking out like that you know that's like chipping away over time hey son i raised you son i'm so proud of you son i would be crawling out of my skin being around this and i'd be questioning my mom what the hell are you doing with someone eight years younger than me definitely not the a-hole for blowing up like that and i see where the other one-third of the family are coming from but come on it's so weird it's not right it's not right i don't agree with it not the a-hole his behavior is weird and condescending af it's a worn out joke and definitely even more inappropriate given that your father has passed dude needs to grow up and realize your mom's age doesn't magically transfer to him if he had made the joke once or twice and you guys were buddy-like then i would have cut him some slack but it doesn't sound like he deserves it it doesn't even sound like a joke if he does it all the time it sounds like he's legitimately trying to take credit for raising you and your accomplishments and to come off as older than he is at first i was like no a-hole's here he's trying to get along with his son but when i saw the age difference oh my god not the a-hole and you are so right even without the age difference it's pretty obnoxious the age difference just compounds the issue it's an adult stepson being condescended to by a stepdad who's never known the stepson as anything but an adult that is never going to be a father-son relationship whether the new stepped out is 27 or 77 also it seems like this step dad is acting this way as part of some kind of older woman kink and fetish and opie the stepson is a prop in this kink fetish it seems like he's going out of his way to bring the stepson thing up over in dover if this is indeed the case it's rather twisted that he'd forced someone unwillingly into his king fetish ding ding ding what this guy is doing is wrong if that's what him and opi's mum are into then fine but leave opie and the rest of his family out of it the mum might not even really be part of it on her end it might be oh well there's an age difference not the a-hole i lost my dad too and if my mom started dating someone and they'd pulled that crap regardless of their age i'd go bat crap you did right by approaching him in private first and when he didn't stop you were within your rights to go off but you may want to soothe your mum because you did take a massive dump on her love life his mum took a massive dump on his family life by not confronting her new lover the minute he started claiming to have raised opi posted by user throw ray random titled am i the a-hole for telling someone who called me fat that i had a miscarriage i female26 just had a miscarriage i was far enough along that i had put on about 15 pounds i went to visit a friend and when he saw me he said boy you've put on some weight since i last saw you and i snapped at him and told him that i just had a miscarriage a week ago and hadn't lost the baby weight yet every single time he sees me he feels the need to comment on my weight and i got sick of it i had an eating disorder and was too skinny when we met so i've put on weight since then i think it's something you really shouldn't comment on unless someone specifically asks you to anyway he said that it was uncalled for and then his wife said the same thing and they asked me to leave am i the a-hole i don't think you're an a-hole for blowing up like that per se it's very rude to comment on people's weight i never do it and that's just a disgusting thing to do especially just to say it to your face like that and his wife for enabling it and them both coming together to kick you out disgusting behavior you don't make it clear whether you tell them you had an eating disorder or not i mean it makes it suck less for them if they didn't know you've kind of dropped two bombshells on them doesn't make them any less of an [ __ ] but you know it's not as bad as them knowing and still going ahead with it they both suck you don't suck you're not the a-hole definitely not these people are not your friends first they comment on your weight not okay for any friend second they're mad that you said you had a miscarriage definitely not okay totally they are double a-holes double each judgment due to the depth of the arseholery quadruple [ __ ] not the a-hole again these people aren't your friends the audacity to tell someone they've gained weight and then saying that telling them you've gained weight because you had a miscarriage was uncalled for and then kick you out telling someone they've gained weight is a crappy thing to do and is uncalled for screw these people honestly here's a good tip i've learned if they can't fix it in five minutes or less don't comment on it food and teeth easily fixed smudged makeup easily fixed stray hair easily fixed weight not easily fixed you get the point and dopey is definitely not the a-hole but this was a good thing to happen because you said that almost every time you see him he comments on your weight and that is super toxic i would stop talking and associating with him and his wife if i were you he doesn't seem good for your mental health in my opinion and lastly i'm sorry about your child i know nothing i say will make the pain any better but they are looking out for you from heaven honestly people need to do this with compliments too stuff that's in the person's active control are okay to comment on stuff that the person can't actively and easily control keep your mouth shut wow your shirt really brings out the color of your eyes good compliments they picked the shirt they probably like it etc you've gotten really thin lately good job bad compliments you have no idea why and don't comment on bodies posted by user professional ads 2645 titled am i the a-hole for telling my niece that she can't bring anyone else to family functions until she's married my niece has always been a problem in general but she goes through romantic partners very quickly in college she frequently bought female friends to christmases and she's brought a boyfriend and now late fiance and another boyfriend since the fiancee died and the boyfriend since cheated on her oh my god what is with the bombshells today my god the fiancee died i feel bad for her the kids are so so confused they don't know what's going on at all around her i've never heard so many questions and kid gossip about one person it's inappropriate that they would have to think about those things i told my niece on a family zoom call that this has to stop we don't care what she does on her own time but she can't have any more plus ones to family functions until she finally gets married to someone until then not even a fiance can come i feel bad for her that her relationships end quickly and poorly but we can't do anything about that all we can do is protect the kids i'm the matriarch of the family some of my siblings think that i'm too harsh and the others think that i'm right but that i should have said it better am i the a-hole you don't think that someone whose fiance died deserves a little bit more you know respect i know it's something that's tossed around a lot but come on guys this is a genuine case of sexism that's genuinely sexist by this matriarch of the family who is she to judge op after losing a fiance like that everyone goes through stages where they date break up date break up it's normal for a lot of people and why are the kids not allowed to see that why are the kids not allowed to see how reality goes for some people sometimes that's just sheltering and helicoptering i understand if you don't want them to be going through traumatic things like that but seeing someone with different partners every few months every few years it's normal behavior i think opie is a big a-hole for what they're doing by disclosing this person from their family not even a fiance can come what because this one's going to die too you think that's going to happen because that's disgusting opie you're the a-hole you're the a-hole it sounds to me like your niece doesn't have much control over the situation i'm sure she hadn't planned on her fiance dying i'm sure she didn't want her boyfriend to cheat on her all you're doing is likely making her feel worse about it it's also not at all confusing she had a boyfriend then a fiance who died now you tell the kids she started dating again and has a new boyfriend three men over what i assume isn't a short time as one was a fiancee it's not hard edit just saw opie's comment saying the female friends weren't friends so more than three partners but seriously don't refer to partners as friends still not confusing opie is just a homophobe who doesn't want to explain to the kids it seems yeah i'm going with you're the aholop especially for referring to her partners as friends it's clear that you never gave her a fair or level playing field and saying the niece has always been a problem that really upset me the niece never had a chance with this woman that woman is the matriarch some respect please you're so confusing no more plus one for you bow before the matriarch insolent worm lest fido gatekeeper of the divine porch and guardian of the sacred thanksgiving leftovers devours your unworthy soul imagine holding the death of their significant other against someone and thinking you're not an ass you're the a-hole especially because that restriction actively discourages her developing new relationships by cutting anyone you off from the family you're the a-hole it's really not that complicated for kids to understand dating and if they don't it's the parent's fault not your nieces if my boyfriend wasn't welcome at family functions i would not attend not to mention you really expect her to marry someone who has no idea what her family is like edits i really just want to say that you're a major a-hole for using protecting the children as your excuse when you're clearly just judgmental of her love life edit 2 europia is just a homophobe trying to find an excuse to exclude her niece from family events so that the children don't catch the gay nothing to see here info what exactly are the kids confused about and how does not allowing your niece to bring a friend and significant other protect the kids the amount of times i get questions about her sexuality or who she's with or where ex went seems like a good parenting and teaching moment to tell the kids how it's not their business what someone's sexuality is and for them to realize that some people date and break up instead of taking this middle school drama approach and banning them from the party stop thinking that sexuality is some big enigma to young kids that will permanently screw with their psyche if they learn about things other than heteronormative posted by user throw ray vigilan titled am i the a-hole for walking out of my wife during karaoke night so some of our friends invited us to this little cozy spot where they have karaoke or you can just sing some songs you wrote my wife used to be a singer when she was younger and when they asked if anyone from the crowd wanted to come up to the stage to sing our table went crazy especially me i heard my wife sing in the shower in the car and i knew she was going to blow the place away we finally got her on the stage and sang a song i didn't recognize but it was beautiful and she had so much emotion behind it about missing an axe one of the guys who knew my wife longer than i had saw that i was getting upset and leaned forward saying it was just an ex from high school he was a piece of crap it doesn't mean anything i excused myself from the table and i left when my wife got home later she was upset because i had left without her and our friends had to drive her home i asked her why she had sang a song about her ex she said that she sang a song about me right after and if i stayed around i would have heard it i said yeah but why would you sing about your ex first and you were nearly crying like you still missed him or something she said she was going to bed i called some of our friends and they confirmed that she did sing a song about me after but that still doesn't explain why she was singing a song about her ex first and nearly in tears edit thank you craptacular adventure and incognato incognitocon you really helped put things in perspective for me i'm going to apologize to her as soon as she gets home edit too so the apology went good and bad i came back to post an update about what happened in detail after i apologized but i was shocked by the response this post received even after i said i was going to apologize people were still attacking me however to all the people who reached out to me privately who sincerely cared i've already left you all updates and i want to thank you all for the support and advice you've given me i wish i could thank you all publicly by name but one there's too many of you and two i want to respect your privacy to the people who want to reach out to me after this don't i wouldn't know if you were being sincere or if you just saw these edits and wanted an update too i can feel for where the op is coming from but i don't think it's wise to just leave as soon as the song is being sung like that like stick it out buddy you're married to her go and talk to her about it afterwards don't just leave and run away from the situation there that puts you in a really bad light for the rest of your friends there it's understandable you want to run away but you're an a-hole for abandoning your wife like that it's good that the apology went good and bad but it seems like you didn't do a good job of apologizing and you won't tell the rest of us what you did so i feel like you're hiding information that we could be using to be on your side and because of that i think you're the a-hole people have feelings and put emotion into songs part of a performance is conveying exactly that this whole thing reeks of insecurity and a rational adult would have talked with their spouse instead of walking out part way through the first song and not being supportive of their spouse some time back i had reconnected with an ex i hadn't seen in 10 years nothing crazy just hey i'm passing through your city on the way to see family let's grab a beer and catch up somewhere in the course of the night we realized he had never heard me sing which was weird since that was definitely my thing when he and i dated and we'd been together almost two years so we found a karaoke bar and did the thing i sang you were mine by the dixie chicks because it shows off my voice no other reason i get down from the stage and dude is crying literal tears on his face because he thought i was singing those lyrics to him for a deeper reason so awkward this post brought back all of that cringe oh man that story has to make the rounds once enough time passes that's comedy i can only imagine the orc i handled it as kindly as i could and i totally fudging regretted my song choice i was just being a show-off not trying to hurt the guy or embarrass him by misleading him i never expected him to have that much residual emotion after 10 years or like any emotion at all i just thought i'd be the weirdo who takes karaoke too seriously by picking a depressing song and we would have a laugh afterward about it ah i feel awkward even remembering it speaking of songs that i learned about on here lucille by kenny rogers good song thanks for the recommendation everyone crap tacular adventure here we go you're the a-hole speaking as a singer i would be so hurt if my partner walked out during a performance one of the things we're trained to do is to act in order to sell a song we are entertainers and we know that a sad song about an old boyfriend will draw the audience in much more than a happy song about their current partner so get over your jealous self and realize what a gift you have in your wife she wrote a song about you and it was a happy one do you really want to be the source or inspiration for a tearjerker this comment really hits home for me i think because it's coming from a singer's perspective i didn't even think about it like that thank you i think i'm going to apologize to her and the other one that i don't know how to say that name properly you're the a-hole songwriters sing about their exes all the time they sing them in public and i'm sure spouses or current boyfriends and girlfriends have watched them at concerts or on tv as for the crying sometimes just remembering the pain makes you emotional it doesn't mean you love that person she probably sang it first to end on a high note and not on a sad note i think you would be more upset if she sang about you and then cried on the second song this line really hit for me and you're right i'm going to apologize to her good stuff op if it was my karaoke song choice definitely going for lucid dreams by uh juice world quality sad song for this generation posted by user no phone no phone 12. titled am i the a-hole for preventing my daughter from getting a new phone slash allowance forgive me if i get heated in this post but this situation makes me extremely angry a few months ago my daughter smashed her iphone for a social media post in the post she said it's okay my parents will buy me a new one the thing is i definitely would have bought her a new one that same day and would have never known if it wasn't for the fact her brother tipped me off and showed me the post her father and i were obviously extremely angry we both came from rough childhoods and worked hard to build a good life for our kids so to see her take advantage of that was extremely upsetting in a way that i can't even described her father and i are divorced but we sat down and agreed that one we are cutting off her allowance and her purchases now have to come through us two we will never buy her a new phone but we might consider a flip phone when she goes to college 3. we will monitor her social media to make sure she's not participating in damaging content 4. if she gets a job and wants a new phone she first has to pay us back for the phone she destroyed and five we won't buy her a car when she turns 16. as i said a few months have passed and i still feel the same way but her dad is softened and he thinks her attitudes changed he says that we might be too harsh over a teenager's mistake and we should at least give her an allowance for chores and change when never buying you a phone ever to going a year without a phone personally i don't care if all kids have one she has an ipad with social media and a macbook she can still message her friends but i refuse to get her another phone if she wants one she can get a part-time job and work for it so she can see how much work goes into getting a phone but i don't see value in giving money to a kid who doesn't know the value of money i rather my daughter be unhappy for a years over a phone then raise another spoiled and out of touch a-hole for the world her dad respects my opinion and agreed we won't give her a phone or allowance but now my daughter has ticked at me and calling me a narcissist and controlling however my actions are a direct result of her misbehavior and i am not preventing her from getting a phone she's free to work and buy one at any point however i think i might be the a-hole because my daughter will be punished for years over one mistake am i the a-hole here no she doesn't deserve any of that those are all privileges and she decided to go online and smash it as a joke to show that she's what daddy's little girl and he'll buy her anything i think their punishment is fair and she deserves what she gets she can get a part-time job and she can work for the phone back sounds like she's sitting around without a job and that's not a-okay not the a-hole i think for the most part the punishments are reasonable the one thing i would back down on is a phone and only because of safety if she ever gets in a position where she really needs to contact you she will need that phone that said absolutely under no conditions get to a new top of the line phone get the oldest model that still has gps edit to address a common complaint the punishment doesn't have to be open-ended and shouldn't be but the point of this is to teach the child to value money you can't just look at her and tell her yep she gets it there needs to be a discernible change in behavior and once you start seeing that you can slowly back off the punishment say she upgrades her phone on her own money doesn't destroy it and makes major headway into savings for a car at that point it would be a perfect time to sit her down and explain how proud opie is and that they felt like she has earned the parents paying for the remainder of the car that's a good idea right now we're in quarantine so she's not really going anywhere and it hasn't been much of an issue but i will consider a basic phone for safety when she goes back to high school get her an android lol more durable than an iphone and definitely counts as a punishment if you're used to apple edits just wanted to clarify that i say android is a punishment because all the die-hard apple users i know hate android and need their face id and imessage xd crap son get her a cricket with pre-programmed numbers my parents would have destroyed me and i would have had all my privileges removed ipad computer everything that's incredibly disrespectful and it's completely fair reasonable and so important for her to understand where money comes from and how quickly it disappears you're doing her a favor sometimes the best way to show someone you love them is to let them hate you how about we get her a blackberry oh that's a throwback posted by user administrative pin 466 titled am i the a-hole for telling my husband i don't want his brother around our son because of his dna concerns my husband and i have a two-year-old son together my husband is a great and attentive father but his problem for the past year and a half or so is reaching its breaking points and i'm extremely annoyed i made this ultimatum with my husband last night after a fight i had with his brother i have brown hair and blue eyes my husband has blonde hair and blue eyes and our son has brown hair and brown eyes honestly didn't think much of it until my brother-in-law made a comment when my son was around a year old on how rare it is for two people with blue eyes to have a child with brown eyes we thought it was an interesting observation and moved on but he keeps bringing it up again he made another comment on my son's second birthday my best friend is asian my ex from almost seven years ago i've been with my husband for five years now is asian as well he joked that my son looks more like my friend huh because he has dark hair and eyes then he turned to me and said isn't your ex asian maybe my bro needs a test and laughed i thought this was so rude and was so happy nobody nearby heard it the straw that broke the camel's back was when i went to the beach yesterday with my husband and son we all got pretty ten from being in the sun all day and i took a picture of us and posted it on my story my brother-in-law swiped up and said why is my brother holding a little mexican kid with a bunch of laughing emojis i went off on him and told him that i'm sick and tired of his little jokes towards my son all because he has brown hair and brown eyes and his father is blonde with blue eyes he's 21 so i get he is young but until he stops with the constant dna jokes i don't want him around our son if he doesn't believe they're related there's obviously no bond and i don't feel comfortable with him around him i told my husband to tell his brother this and he's saying that i'm the a-hole wanting to tell his brother that he can't see his nephew and that he knows our son is his so why do i let his brother's comments affect me they're not letting the comments affect them if you're continually being bullied by someone or having something just be continually repeated to you it's going to have an effect on you whether you like it or not this 21 year old knows that he's getting under their skin by continually saying it and he knows it's edgy and he knows it's inappropriate the husband is enabling this bad behavior by turning it on op and just be like you can't tell me to tell him he can't see the nephew that he keeps making fun of god what even is cyberbullying just like close your eyes idiot this is the kind of stupid logic someone that doesn't you know empathize or see what the problem is says he's trying to minimize opie's feelings and that's not cool the guy making dna jokes is like borderline eugenics area which isn't cool we know it's not cool don't make those jokes it's not funny opie not the a-hole and your husband is equally an a-hole for not standing up for you and your child on top of the racist comments your brother-in-law's insinuation that you cheated is extremely uncalled for honestly my husband and i's relationship is strong and we both know there's no infidelity but just the insinuation makes me so uncomfortable i don't care if it's a joke if it's that strong he should be defending his son and his wife to his brother honestly it sounds like your brother-in-law doesn't trust you based on his high school biology class and that should be huge to your husband i'm guessing it's more based on game of thrones since i doubt this chucklehead paid attention in biology the seed is strong god why'd they have to do boromir so dirty apparently that reference is something about cersei's children looking like robert baratheon and what happened to babies with blue eyes and black hair in the city hmm really makes you think i didn't watch game of thrones so i don't understand not the a-hole but your husband is the a-hole for one allowing his brother to directly accuse you of infidelity and then two blaming you for being offended by it as in why do you let it bother you your husband needs to shut that down and tell bro that bro must respect his wife op your brother-in-law is being a massive douche your husband is being a jerk for letting this comment continue without stepping up to protect you and his family not the a-hole i will admit he's told him off a few times and reminds him that two of their uncles have brown eyes but his brother is just a little douche in general they are very close and the only sibling my husband has so i know this is hard for him but honestly i'm just done with these stupid remarks because i'm being painted out like an adulteress and it gets tiring totally reasonable on your part these comments need to stop posted by user na hamaha titled am i the a-hole for slapping down a mary's calendar frozen meal after my piggy husband deliberately threw away my homemade pasta my husband is a picky eater and when i think about it thoroughly i don't feel attracted to him anymore what where did this come from i feel like he's missing out on a lot of things and because i love him i tolerate that part of him what is annoying is how he doesn't want to try to blend into society and be normal and polite today i surprised him with making chicken tenders with coconut oil and sweet potato fries oh and pasta bake to encourage him to eat healthier and stay in his comfort zone when i surprised him he didn't even seem excited he was all oh what is this and i said it's your favorite meal and he said oh um okay i'm not that hungry and i said try it and he got a plate of chicken tenders and fries and said why is there paprika on it and why are the fries orange and that got me annoyed i'm going to say this but why did i marry a six-year-old i explained to him that i wanted him to be slightly out of his comfort zone by trying my food that i've worked hard on he took one or two bites and said i'm full and threw it away right in front of me he did say thank you though but i was shocked i got so mad that today i brought home a mary's calendar frozen dinner and slapped it on the table and said here's a nice gourmet meal it was out of humor and disgust of my husband's behavior edits i always cook in the meals and he wants the same food every time frozen chicken nuggets and french fries oh and i cook for him lol i wouldn't say cooking he has the nerve to say honey next time don't burn the chicken what i'm obliged to say that opie's uh husband is a lot like kevin from the office but even he eats more than just chicken nuggies and french fries i don't know this is a typical marriage argument dispute whatever i'm on op's side on this one honestly like i would be pissed off if my meals were denied food is good and picky eaters are just polar opposites of me and i can't mesh with people like that all too well like if all you can eat is chicken nuggets and chicken tenders and fries what are you doing with your life unless it's like genuine you can't eat anything else because you will die or you know the side effects it's like why i think the op has been very aggressive and very passive aggressive in this episode of arsenal am i the a-hole but i agree with what they've done unfortunately so i think they're not the a-hole i think they are married to a six-year-old and i hope that they're not married for long because i sure as hell wouldn't put up with that everyone sucks here wanting your husband to try new or more things isn't a problem he sucks because he seems like a child and isn't very thankful you suck because you added i'm not attracted to him anymore which does nothing for the sake of the post yeah it was funny though it's so like out of left field seems like you guys need to rethink the marriage i think picky eating is one of those things that people think shouldn't be a deal breaker so they push through but then they realize gradually how limiting this little thing is and become resentful i wish folks were more open to deal breakers actually breaking the deal this just sounds miserable being a picky eater is 100 a deal breaker for me i dated someone like that and it was no fun at all as a picky eater i 100 agree that it should be a deal breaker for some people i wouldn't want to date someone who just slowly resents me because of what i eat i would need them to be fully understanding and accepting same here i'm picky as hell and though i'm branching out and trying new things it's a process and i always feel bad eating somewhere new whether it's a person's house or a restaurant i've never been to because i always forget that i'm the weird one and have to find a way to get out of eating something i know i won't like without making the host feel bad or something that's the thing though you're willing to try new things you don't have to like everything you eat you just have to be willing to try it there's a big difference between someone saying they don't like something because they've tried it before and someone just assuming they don't like any food they've never tried everyone sucks here and clearly you're using your husband's picky eating as a scapegoat for a much larger issue here and berating him for being a picky eater is really adding insults to injury could he have acted differently of course he could have but his disordered eating habits aren't being handled correctly and dollars to donuts this isn't the first time you've pulled this kind of nonsense regarding food you clearly did not make his favorite meal you made what you thought was an improved version of it in order to encourage him to eat healthier if you really cared about your husband's eating habits you'd discuss it with him like the adults you both are but there's clearly a much more pressing issue here within your marriage had you discussed this meal with him he'd more than likely have told you not to waste your time on some frivolous tasks actually in fact i wonder if you did this as a scapegoat do you need your husband to do things to make you angry so that you can then justify your disdain for your husband you clearly knew he'd react the way he did and yet you did this anyway you know his eating habits yet decided to do something he didn't ask you to do i believe you did this on purpose everyone sucks here though because it takes two to tango and i'm sure your husband's part in this relationship is far from sterling you'll either need serious therapy or a divorce your utter disgust with him is so apparent though that the whole relationship probably needs to be thrown away it's very much time consuming to make a meal like that from scratch only to have it be thrown away immediately i can only imagine how disheartening that would be his pickiness could be a sign of some bigger issue or undiagnosed autism or something and he clearly needs help but i completely understand her reaction i don't understand her actions at all she clearly knows he's a picky eater didn't make him his actual favorite meal and then she got mad because he didn't want to eat it she's pushing a food agenda onto him that he clearly wants no part of and i honestly think this incident isn't actually about him being a picky eater being a functional adult means trying new things she was trying to help him by making something that was adjacent to his favorite food it comes from a place of love not to mention it's incredibly frustrating to either eat the same thing every day or having to make two different meals each time she reached out and tried to encourage him the least he could have done is eat it i've eaten many meals i didn't like to save the feelings of a loved one that's part of adulthood too alright it's kinda clear that she didn't come from a place of love when she was making that she straight up made that comment i don't think i love him anymore and oh my god i'm teetering on everyone sucks here for this one because she didn't communicate with him but the problem with him is he's not communicating either judging by what opie has given us it is so childish to just toss that in the trash it's childish of her to not say that she's gonna make this meal she wants to help him we're gonna have open communication here i want to help you so that we can fix this relationship i'm keeping to my not the a-hole because i empathize more with op but it's definitely very much split between everyone sucks here posted by user painted by swang titled am i the a-hole for being mad that my husband is accusing me of gaslighting him when i don't think i did this is a very baffling situation and we're both taking a time out at the moment to prevent things from escalating i'm a stay-at-home mom at the moment entire child is having diarrhea and a bad case of nappy rash so when he does a poo i make sure to wash the area with plenty of warm water dry it and reapply diaper cream after my husband finished work we were spending time in the playroom and our son did another poo i said to him i've been changing him all day you do it and pointed to my nose it's an inside joke where if he does a poo we race to point to our nose the last one to do it has to change the diaper he then replies you can't say that that's like me saying well i've worked all day so you go do some work i got mad picked up our son and walked away i washed him changed him and basically fed him did his whole bedtime routine and put him to bed myself afterwards he tried to talk to me about dinner but i gave him the cold shoulder and basically demanded an apology because i felt that he was being rude i said are you going to apologize you were so rude to me all i did was point to my nose he then accused me of gaslighting him because i didn't just point to my nose i've also said i've been changing him all day so you do it he refuses to continue the conversation until i apologize for trying to gaslight him and i'm furious because i thought the initial comment was so rude and unnecessary i don't see how working all day means you can't help with the diaper change after work also for context due to covid i had to go back to work part time six weeks after giving birth to help support our family financially i only stopped working a month ago when my son turned six months old during this time i did all the night feeds even when he was waking up every two hours because i was breastfeeding woke up early to pack his nappy bag for childcare i did all the chores and cooked now that i'm off work i've offered to go back to work if we need to financially but he says his business is on track and he's not too worried so i feel i've always handled the baby even when i was tired and direct from work and don't feel like i'm an a-hole for wanting him to help with a diaper change edit i was honestly only expecting 10 or so comments because this issue was a small and petty one we haven't read through everything yet but thank you to everyone who replied we love reddit for what it is the constructive comments and the troll ones either way we respect your opinions especially we chose to post it here just to clarify my husband does help out a lot more now it hasn't always been a fair division but it's something he's working on and i have to give credit where credit is due yesterday was a tough day and i was exhausted and will admit i was not my best self he was also being defensive and quick to react i will also admit that the work comment was very triggering since it was a very very difficult time when i was working and dealing with a newborn those couple of months was a very challenging time for us as parents and as a couple we can definitely do better at communicating and this is something we will continue to work on thanks guys the fact that communication didn't happen straight away and you shut him down and acted childishly when he was obviously being a dick i won't discredit that he was being a dick um i think that tipped it to everyone sucks here i was gonna go with not the a-hole or no a-holes here but you know going by your last point there you do work heaps even though you're a stay-at-home mom you obviously did go back to work after six weeks and that's really difficult and you still have the option to work it's not like you're refusing to go to work and that's all you do at home but shutting down and being so passive aggressive to him i think in a little bit of a sense you were gaslighting him even though that term's thrown around heaps over here i think he could have just said you were being a dick and he was being a dick i don't know what to call it i just see it for what it is both of you were being childish and not communicating like adults but i understand why you're you know frustrated life sucks we all do that doesn't make you guys both not suck in this situation everyone sucks here you're not gaslighting anyone and people need to stop misusing that word but you both need to be kinder to each other you both worked a full day and you could have said something like would you mind changing him instead of just demanding that he do it yup just because you had a rough day at work i've been a stay-at-home mom and it's most definitely work doesn't mean that he didn't have a rough day too and the whole pointing at the nose thing leading to who changes the diaper may have been cute for a while but it ain't good parenting or partnering everyone sucks here you acted childishly when your husband didn't do what you wanted his comment may have hurt your feelings but was true and he needs to both google the term gaslighting and stop worrying about who gets an apology first i agree with everyone sucks here but leading to you're the a-hole too because he tried to approach her later to talk about it and work through it and she cold-shouldered him waiting for an apology opie and husband are supposed to be a team raising this child and opie was not willing to communicate because her feelings were hurt she cold-shouldered him when he tried to talk to her about dinner not about the conversation they had before not the a-hole expecting him to parent his own child while he's home isn't gaslighting if anything his implication that everything you do to keep the house and your child taken care of isn't real work is gaslighting not the a-hole the difference between taking care of a kid and working is one of those pays you for your efforts essentially your husband is gaslighting you not the other way around he's hiding behind work as an excuse to not help with basic parenting demands and you read it all too often on here he's a parent and should be splitting the parental duties so you can at least get a little bit of a break i completely disagree yes he gets paid for his efforts and she doesn't but since they're married the money he earns benefits them both not sure what your impression of work is but most people don't enjoy working and would quit instantly if they didn't need the money his 8 to 10 hours of work is not worth less than her 8 to 10 hours of childcare it's also not worth more than her 8 to 10 hours of childcare though and her staying home with their kid benefits him too yeah so any division of labor after he's off work should be evenly split therefore it is an a-hole move to say that because rop did child care while her husband worked that therefore her husband ought to do more of the child care than her once he's off work when it should be split 50 50. she's not asking for 50 50. she's asking for one damn diaper change after she's dealt with her son's diarrhea for the whole day and to be honest she shouldn't even have to ask posted by user period stain am i the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for getting mad at my girlfriend for making me lie to my friends because she got her period throw away for obvious reasons my girlfriend and i have been together for over two years she has always been very neat tidy and very polished she cares about her appearance and i appreciate that so this situation makes no sense to me we were at a very fancy event with a few of my friends social distancing rules everyone wore masks etc my girlfriend was wearing a beautiful white dress which i recently bought for her the dress was very expensive we were all having a good time however at one point she excused herself to go to the bathroom and then i didn't see her again until she sent me a text from the car asking if we could go home obviously i'm slightly annoyed because i didn't want to leave so soon when i reached the car and asked her why she wanted to go home she told me that she got her period unexpectedly i asked why she didn't bring extra tampons or pads or use those tracking apps she tried to defend herself by saying that she did everything she could and that she had a period stain and didn't want to stay because of the stain she asked me to lie to my friends and tell them she was feeling unwell so that she could go home she had a man's jacket a mutual friend of ours covering her legs and the nasty stain and pleaded with me to take her home so she could shower and unwind i took her home and lied to my friends when she was getting out of the car the stain was very noticeable it was very big and essentially ruined an expensive dress which i bought she also made me purposefully lie because she wasn't prepared enough and made me miss an event with my friends needless to say i was extremely ticked she said i was not being considerate enough and went to go lie down because she had a headache she wanted to lie down after she took a shower she woke up and i haven't spoken to her properly until she apologizes and gives back the friend's jacket i don't think i'm the a-hole but when i told my friend the same friend who gave her a jacket he told me i was the a-hole and my girlfriend kind of agreed am i the a-hole i think so yeah just because your partner normally isn't like that that's an embarrassing thing to have happen unexpectedly sure she could have taken an initiative and had a tracker wrap and whatnot and taken precautions but not everyone does that and it shouldn't be expected of someone and especially as her partner you shouldn't be getting up her for doing that you sound very much entitled opie you're getting upset at her for ruining a fancy event with your friends and her expensive dress you know [ __ ] happens in life opie people make mistakes we all mess up you're just not going to forgive her for these mistakes because that's really childish forcing her to apologize to you first before you even see anything it's kind of like a shame on you situation you're the a-hole edits i guess i'm the a-hole i logged out of this account about an hour after posting because the response was terrible and then came back to a ton of responses calling me the a-hole after my girlfriend came home from returning the jacket she apologized for ruining the dress and i apologized for being a dumbass and not understanding the whole period thing she forgave me and then we went out for ice cream and re-watched her favorite movie that's the end of the story you're the a-hole you are a huge a-hole unexpected periods happen even if you use a tracker they can vary by days or weeks and you can have spotting in between sometimes you just forget every person who menstruates has at some point been caught off guard for most women in terms of embarrassments having a period stain is like crapping yourself in public you yourself called it nasty there's a ton of social stigma around it if you crap yourself in public wouldn't you want her to find an innocent excuse and sneak you home or would you want her to tell all of your friends at a big fancy event there's turds leaking down your legs i promise you she was probably just as devastated and embarrassed about ruining the dress instead of feeling sympathetic you got mad at her if you cannot accept the realities of women's bodies stop dating women i tried typing out a response but too much rage made it unpostable so i'm just gonna say this is spots on op needs to educate himself you're the a-hole and super ignorant honestly there's more to this opie has been sneaking in little information here and there that he thinks would swing the tide in his favor i don't understand the purpose of adding she wanted to lie down after taking a shower because she had a headache it was as if he didn't believe her and probably thinks that it will make us disbelieve her as well he tries to come off as progressive and not a noob about periods but clearly he's the opposite he tried to fuss about the jacket and somehow the whole post has a superficial cringey funny vibe and not in a good way maybe i'm reading too much into this part but not really he is not only ignorant petty and period illiterate but also a massive a-hole needless to say i was extremely ticked your girlfriend was incredibly embarrassed and you're more concerned with the cost of the dress and that you needed to help cover for her embarrassment she apologizes she has nothing to apologize for it was an accident it happens partners support each other when things like this happen you're the a-hole a massive one posted by user welcome ready 2852 titled am i the a-hole for dyeing my ten-year-old daughter's hair and piercing her ears again my daughter needed her haircuts so we went to this salon the hairdresser had bright pink hair and her whole entire ear pierced my daughter was very fascinated by this she mentioned that she would like pink hair and was going on how she would also like many earrings one day too my daughter was adamant she wanted pink hair initially i was a little unsure but then figured it will grow out anyway and was not permanent my daughter has a dark blonde to light brown coloured hair and we agreed not to use bleach i was expecting the color we chose to be a soft subtle pink without bleach but it did come out extremely intense and bright my daughter was very proud of her new hair the salon did ear piercing and my daughter noticed this and asked if she could get her ears pierced again she was wanting a row of earrings like the hairdresser which was of course too much but after some discussion we agreed she could choose two pairs of earrings i was expecting my daughter would have two more added to each lobe she already had one in each but she wanted them all on one side the issue i had was that the fourth and fifth hole would be in her cartilage as she could only fit three in her lobe i raised this with the hairdresser but she said it would be okay we ended up leaving this salon with my daughter looking a little punkish with bright pink hair and five earrings in her left ear when we got home my husband was a little freaked out by my daughter's new look he was angry with me as he thought she was too young he was also worried about what her grandparents and other parents would think i told him to relax as it made our daughter happy but he seems to think that i went too far am i the a-hole here yeah because you did this without consulting him first you're married and i think when it comes to your kid you both should be making decisions like these together i can see why some people would you know say oh we can do whatever we want with our daughter we don't need the approval of our husband but i think especially given his reaction it was very much a case where they both expect to make decisions together about what their daughter does while she's not 18. so because of that opie is definitely the a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole dyeing the hair pink was fine i think adding multiple piercings is a bigger decision that should not have been done on the fly a 10 year old isn't old enough to make decisions about permanent body alterations especially when it was something that just came up and was done immediately i mean piercings can close at least the lobes i'm not sure about cartilage but either way i know lots of girls chose to get their ears pierced around age 10 to 12. cartilage closes faster than loads be an awful dramatic on this thread to be honest you're the a-hole you're the parent it's up to you to have a minimal amount of self-control and not bend to your child's every whim the piercings are absolutely excessive for a 10 year old also you don't get cartilage piercings done by a fudging hairdresser at any age this person was not qualified i have several salons local to me who have trained piercers within them a couple of my barbers and hairdresser friends are also trained in body mods and piercing it's not unusual at all and you have no idea if they were qualified or not they gave a 10 year old several cartilage piercings that's indication enough of their qualifications this cartilage piercings should not be done at a damn salon and definitely not be done on a 10 year old they are not in any way the same as basic load piercings which to be honest salons should also not do i'm all for body mode but it's called body modification for a reason a 10 year old isn't even allowed to watch half of youtube for frick's sake they definitely shouldn't be getting cartilage piercings at the local cut and die oh also opie you're the a-hole posted by user why is she always late titled am i the a-hole for telling my habitually late mom that if she can't be on time don't come to my wedding my mom is habitually late if she has somewhere to be she'll be getting ready five minutes before and then rush there in a frenzy being ultimately late to whatever she had planned she owns her own business and seems to be only on time for clients she's been late to dinners gatherings parties etc all because she'll sit around and wait until the last minutes if you want to run time you better tell her the wrong one she thinks it's funny i don't i'm getting married in 2021 restrictions willing and she made a comment about me telling her the wrong time so she'd show up on time i said or you'll be on time because it's an important day and you're an adult she gave me a look and i said if you're not going to be on time don't show up she got very offended by this but to me it's her daughter's wedding if you can't prioritize it and get up a little earlier to be on time then don't come she now won't speak to me and my dad says i should apologize i don't think so am i the a-hole man that's a really bad habit my mom got me into myself she's exactly the same she'd always just show up late and then laugh she's like you're being ridiculous we're only half an hour late and i grew up with that mentality for a long time of i'm just gonna be late to things it's it's inevitable i'm always gonna be late and i always was and no one appreciated that and then it made me mad when i changed that habit and my mum never did and i can see where op is coming from it's actually genuinely infuriating sometimes because you hold people up and it's just embarrassing and it eats you up knowing it's gonna happen again every time and this definitely feels like the last straw for op i definitely wouldn't go as far as she did saying don't show up to my wedding but again i see where she's coming from and i think that opie is not the a-hole in this situation i hate people who have the mindset of like i'm always late sorry lol can't help it like yes you can being late once or twice is an accident being habitually late is rude not the a-hole at all i hate that i'm one of those people but i have crazy anxiety and ocd that gives me issues when i try to leave the house but for my daughter's wedding i would plan on being there super early and just be kind of early instead not the a-hole at all op i'm the opposite i have anxiety depression and ocd and if i think i'm going to be a micro second late i start hyperventilating it's awful same i'll just sit in my car for 15 minutes rather than be five minutes late not the a-hole if she can't be on time to that what can she be on time for her client meetings apparently honestly though your daughter's wedding seems like something you'd show up a day early for if you're stereotypically late if it matters to you anyway that most of all shows that it's absolutely a choice and she knows exactly what she's doing if you can choose to be on time for one thing you can choose to be on time for everything she's just rude and selfish and if it doesn't affect her money or business it's not important not the a-hole i'm betting she thinks it's funny because everyone just lets it slide and tries to laugh it off clearly if she's on time for her clients she's shown that she's capable of being on time in general it's not that hard and you are asking very little can you talk to your dad about making sure that she shows up on time my dad will probably leave without her because she's always late my mom is like this too my older sister just flat out didn't invite her invited dad though but if your dad can be a helping hand then do that get the best man and maid of honor on it too so they can prevent his scene on the actual day yours and your partner's day your rules not the a-hole posted by user my party ring titled am i the a-hole i told my sister the family store is probably not getting any business because she keeps shoving my nephew in photos of products that are irrelevant my sister just had a baby and he's a couple of months old kinda in that ugly chicken phase she's been trying for a baby for over 10 years and i'm super proud of her because i know she was hurting with infertility etc she co-owns a successful business with my parents and it's her job to post pictures on their website of the products for the sake of arguments let's say they hand make leather goods like wallets and purses nothing to do with kids she will post photos of my nephew either on the goods partially obscuring the items or with the items on top of him she jumped straight back into work and uses my nephew as props business has taken a noticeable dive and people keep emailing the store to ask if they can get clearer pictures etc recently someone left a bad review after purchasing items saying i came here to buy x not look at someone's baby my sister took it the wrong way and actually blacklisted the customer and also sent a strongly worded email to them saying they're a family business and how dare they criticize her and no one knows what she's been through my parents actually had to reach out to that customer and often to fully refund them i gently said to my sister i was in the room when my parents were refunding over two hundred dollars worth of leather goods that maybe she should keep work and family separate she started screaming at me that i'm a stupid kid and i don't know what i'm talking about i'm 17 she's 30 plus i was a total surprise baby and that i'm evil and dumb etc my parents asked me to apologize to her which i don't think i should wow for one logical solution saying that keep work and family separate that everyone says all the time you're now the devil god hate you op you're so stupid and ignorant what are you doing but no for real i hate that when you you know make a good point and you're noticeably younger than someone they immediately dismiss you because how can you know any better you're younger you're not in my situation it's like alright then don't take my criticism you're just going to continue to fail good on your love i think opie is not the a-hole for trying to help and get this woman to snap out of it don't know what her problem is but she might get booted out of that family business sooner than later if she continues not the a-hole frankly your sister is acting very unprofessional and hurting the business i could at least in some capacity understand her using her baby as a model if they were promoting baby related items clothes bedding furniture etc but a baby has no place in product pictures of items that are not baby related especially an ugly baby oh my god an ugly chicken baby according to op they all look like squishy creepy aliens for several months and when they're yours you don't really see it until you look back on photos but all newborns look creepy not the a-hole her actions are costing the business money also not everyone likes babies so if your business is handmade leather goods and the baby is sitting on new products with a diaper on or drooling all over the match it doesn't look very good it looks very unprofessional maybe let her manage a social media page where the baby poses with bags or whatever with the family and other customers but actual product shots and communication should remain formal and without baby that's just weird i don't think letting the hyper-defensive woman who is obsessed with posting photos of her kid that's in a and i quote ugly chicken phase should be in charge of social media or as it is more accurately called when it comes to business pr advertising she needs a forced maternity leave not the a-hole even though i understand her perspective since she got what she wanted for over 10 fudging years her joy is overwhelming her but you're right too one shouldn't mingle work and family and it's hurting the business imagine trying to buy a wallet and seeing a baby sitting on it or putting it in its mouth not only is the baby unnecessary but it also makes the products look dirty and during a pandemic no one wants to buy something that's been handled by a sticky child and honestly of course random people looking to buy leather goods aren't going to care that this woman has a baby or that it took her 10 years to have one they just want to buy a product posted by user throwaway mother-in-law 98 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to speak with my mother-in-law after my wife passed throw away my mother-in-law does not like me in the slightest she is very conservative and didn't want her daughter marrying a woman let alone a black woman so i constantly was on the receiving end of all her insults my late wife tried to distance herself from her but my mother-in-law would always claim that she's changed and that she's more progressive etc but never actually showed any behavioral changes we always gave her a gazillion chances but she never truly changed she was invited to our wedding the summer of last year she showed up and managed to not cause a commotion and gave us a wedding gift she gave us an embroidered blanket which i appreciated accompanied with a handwritten letter explaining how she loved her daughter but hated that she was going to hell my wife didn't speak to her much after that we still visited her family as they were very supportive including my mother-in-law's husband but i always tried to steer clear of her my wife died last month in the hospital i wasn't allowed to see her in the hospital and was devastated when i heard the news my mother-in-law keeps trying to reach me and i don't want to deal with that right now i don't want to hear her slander me or somehow blame it on me or spew more homophobic bs i just need to be alone i went to her funeral her parents and i stayed the longest at the funeral and once the tears had dried up i drove my father-in-law and mother-in-law home my father-in-law asked me if i wanted to stay the night as a supportive gesture i declined mostly because i didn't want to be with mother-in-law he sent me a text a couple of days later asking if i could return specific stuff of my wife's to him i dropped it off but was met with my mother-in-law she was asking me if we could go out for coffee and chat i politely turned her down because i was not in the mood to deal with her she always does this claims she's changed but exhibits the same homophobic behavior my father-in-law has told me to give her a chance and i feel terrible for not responding to my mother-in-law's texts or calls but i don't want to deal with her drama am i the a-hole no and you've made your reasons very clear here i think she should get the message from you like ghosting her for a bit here that you know she hasn't changed and all her efforts to prove that she has changed has not worked i don't even know if you need to communicate that to her or even to the father-in-law i think it should be obvious to them they're adults they've lived a life they should be able to know hey you know being homophobic to gay people not a good thing to do add on top of that you're grieving your partner that you've just lost and you want to be alone no there's nothing wrong with that nothing at all i'm 100 in support of you you are not the a-hole in this situation edits ah never once did i think this post would receive this many responses and thank you for the awards thank you for all your condolences for all the kind words in my messages asking me if i'm okay sharing a different perspective giving me a small laugh it is all greatly appreciated my wife was the best person i ever met and i'm sure she would have had a laugh at me asking reddit if i had done something wrong hmm after reading all the responses i could get through i think that i will go meet with my mother-in-law for coffee but after i've properly set boundaries and i'll bring a trusted friend along this won't happen soon though i just need more time to process everything i'm sorry for your loss not the a-hole you just lost your spouse at this point it doesn't matter what she wants you need to be able to grieve and take steps at the rate you want them if you want them a hundred percent this as recently as a year ago that woman said your wife was going to hell because of her relationship with you in a letter with your wedding present no less hasn't changed since and she has something she just has to say to you avoid her like the plague you are not the a-hole i can hardly imagine any possible things she wants that would be good for you or to help you heal i'm afraid all she wants is to ask you if her daughter who was justifiably minimizing contact with her really still loved her or forgave her or something else to help her sleep at night nothing that will be a net positive in your life i agree with this no good will come from meeting with her it will be all about her and opie is not responsible for her not the aholop i'm sorry for your loss and you need to take care of yourself right now once bitten twice shy it's understandable that you wouldn't trust this woman not the a-hole it's impossible to know whether mother-in-law is still an a-hole or not but i don't blame you for not risking it my sincerest condolences for your loss no a-holes here and i'm sorry for your loss how did mother-in-law act when you saw her during and after the funeral i'm sure she's hurting too and maybe she wants to connect with you as a way to remember her daughter if she's been civil i'd consider spending a little time with her maybe with father-in-law along to discourage any untoward remarks if she can be civil for 30 minutes while you get coffee then maybe she'll get closure while you don't have to suffer through any drama during the funeral she was a crying mess so was i she said a few very kind words about my wife during the funeral i cried i said a few words about my wife she cried during the funeral and car ride my mother-in-law was the furthest thing from my mind she was distraught we all were when i finally reached their place i decided that i needed more time to think and they couldn't deal with the unpredictability of my mother-in-law's attitude towards me i'll think about your suggestion i don't ever want to deny my mother's closure emotional supports or even a small chance to be closer to her daughter but i don't know if i'm ready to face her yet much to think about and thanks for the wonderful suggestion of bringing my father-in-law to the coffee date posted by user no college son titled am i the a-hole for giving my son 130k towards the down payments to his first house but not my daughter since she didn't touch a penny of his college fund my wife and i have two children daughter and son my daughter is a bit older she went to college and now she works in brand and clients relationship i have my son who never went to college he had good sat scores in doll but never went he did a gap year and then from traveling had an idea to start some online businesses i don't know exactly what he does but each time i talk to him he's always doing something different he kept his college fund on hand in case he ever wanted to go we have a lot of money saved in that account plus it was invested in stocks so it appreciated considerably when he went to buy a house we told him that we would give him this money he doesn't need it by any means he has plenty of his own but we feel that it's the right thing especially considering the fact that we doubted him when he initially didn't go to school after hearing about this our daughter is furious she said that my son doesn't need the money that she is struggling and that it's messed up that it's going to her brother especially since she didn't get that much for her college fund i tried to tell her that the amount was the same it was just that this was his invested for a long period of time after he went to college but my daughter does not care she's super upset about this entire situation and won't bother to understand the details of it so reddit rules that this one is a you're the a-hole situation and i can definitely understand that and i think i agree with it but there's definitely people out there that you know this is not the daughter's money the the money was designated for the son he deserves it and it was always his and you know the daughter is struggling the son is not the parents have the ability to help this daughter out although she's not entitled to the money the son already said that he doesn't want it it's now on the parents entirely if they do want to help their daughter out or not and i think they would be a-holes in this situation if they didn't relinquish that money to help their daughter out who was struggling opie you're the a-hole you're the a-hole and here's why each of your kids is not receiving the same amount if you gave each of them 50k then that's equal and your daughter could not complain but you kept your sons you invested it not him you gave your son's fund more time and attention than your daughter's and that is not fair this isn't about her struggle or not it's just about being fair the right thing to do would be to give your son the same amount you gave your daughter and whatever is left over would be split between the two kids your son didn't ask you to invest his funds his fund was not in his control again you chose to spend more time on your son's fund and that is not fair if you gave him his fund when your daughter got hers and he did the investing and made the choices then any gains would be rightfully his but you didn't do that you did the work for him you worked harder on his fund for no reason and that's not fair do the right thing give your son what his initial fund would have been just like you did your daughter and split the difference between the two that keeps it equal between your two kids as it should be yeah and did they explain to their children that they were investing it did they tell them the longer they let it sit the larger the amount would get i doubt it the daughter probably had no idea she could not use the money and wind up with a larger amount instead she was blindsided in the end the logic op is using of well he waited longer to use it and got more is bad and invalid because my bet is the children had no clue that was the case yep as i said if their son did the investing and put in the work obviously his gains belonged to him but that's not what happened the parents worked harder for their son for no reason and that's not cool so there is two possible scenarios here you're the a-hole because you never explained to your children that this was a principle you were investing on their behalf you told them it was a college fund meaning that your daughter had no way of knowing she could wait and receive a crap ton more by letting it grow instead you decided to give your son more because it grew which really does screw your daughter over you're not the a-hole because you told your children that this was investment money that they could use whenever for whatever and that it would grow over time if they didn't touch it meaning that your daughter knew to some extent that by using it all for college she could be losing out on future gains and your son accidentally capitalized on waiting for the return to be better info how much more money is your son receiving are we talking like a couple thousand or 10k plus i think it came to around 80 to 90k so your daughter received about 50k while your son got 130k is that the number we're working with here 80 to 90k daughter got sun received 130k you're the a-hole do you not see the unfairness between the two amounts that is a huge difference that's 40-50k if your daughter is struggling financially and your son isn't you can easily split the difference in two and give 20 to 25k to your daughter in order to help out there's a lot of different judgments going on and i respect every decision that everyone has i think not the a-hole no a-holes here you're the a-hole all those judgments are valid but it's no reason to go attacking people for their opinions on these things so i do ask that you respect people's opinions posted by user that's a horrible name titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife i don't care if it's her turn we're not naming our son tuesday my wife 28 female and i 28 male have been together since we were 14. we got married at 21 and had our daughter at 25. last year we were going through some marriage difficulties and decided a break would be in both of our best interests we both just need a little time apart after being together for so long so we split and in this time my wife felt pretty awful about herself i initiated the break and she ended up hooking up with one of her longtime male friends and she got pregnant at six months pregnant we reconnected again and got back together her friend had absolutely no interest in the baby he had begged her to abort and told us he would not play a role in the baby's life whatsoever we agreed and planned to raise him together anyway that's the backstory it's been two months since then and we've been really late on the names i know the deal was i named our daughter charlotte my wife didn't actually like the name but she agreed so long as she got to name the next kid and she can name our next child she came up to me yesterday and told me she was reading a book and found the perfect name i asked her what and she said tuesday when she first said it i admittedly laughed out loud and asked her if she was serious she said yes she was and don't call me shirley and it's her decision i followed her around the house and told her absolutely no way we were naming our son tuesday he'd get made so much fun of my wife said no he wouldn't lots of kids have unique names and aren't bullied i told her that yes unique names not days of the week she wasn't hearing it and pointed out that she hated the name charlotte and agreed on the basis that she would get to name the next kid i argued that's a totally different thing charlotte is a normal name our daughter won't get laughed at because of it my wife got frustrated and after arguing on and off for the rest of the day she finally told me he wasn't even my kid oh oh god i just walked off and although she came right back and apologized and that she didn't mean it i was fudging ticked i'm not talking to her right now but i'm holding steadfast we won't name him tuesday i don't think i'm the a-hole at all but some ammunition would be helpful when i explained to my wife exactly why it's such a ridiculous name so tell me am i the a-hole i can't be the only one who cringed when she said that oh my god i don't know what to say about this situation it really doesn't sound like they should be together just going by the passive aggressiveness of both of them and i'm glad if they can make it work together obviously i'm no marriage guru but getting a vibe from this one he seems pretty angry and you shouldn't be this angry about naming your own child especially with these rules they put in place that's childish in and of itself obviously i have no experience with marriage that's just the vibe i get and everyone sucks here everyone sucks here the whole thing is a mess you guys should have agreed on names you both liked with the first kid the whole situation baffles me this whole one parent choosing the name thing is absolutely absurd to me why do people do this it just clicked for me why some families have two kids and name one steve and the other one naruto is that why my best friend's name's sasuke we'd want that my husband's parents did that my husband has a wildly italian first name think luigi and a classic american middle name whereas his brother has a classic american first name think nick and a wildly italian middle name their parents alternated picking first in middle names needless to say when we have kids we're going to find a name we both like you know i think spaghetti james and michael tortellini are fine names you're planning to raise another man's child with your almost ex-wife your relationship is evidently on thin ice and you think your problem is the kid's name jesus everyone sucks here rp can totally dip now and not be on the hook for child support right will be for at least the former kid no alright yeah you're probably right i wonder if opie and his wife decide to stay together and raise the second kid can they still go after that other guy and draken some passive income if he didn't want the kid they shouldn't seek him out for passive income that's crappy also opie not the a-hole this whole thing is wild but hopefully you guys can work it out if you've already gotten over that it's not yours that's the hard part posted by user unproud dad23 titles am i the a-hole for telling my daughter she'll never be able to handle living alone i have three grown children my two youngest 28 and 23 have both settled in their own places that i have my 31 year old who has lived at home all her life she works full time at a fast food place she's been there for eight years but won't accept a promotion because she doesn't want to get stuck there often her paychecks can only cover her gas toiletries and the rest is play money sometimes she'll surprise the oddball and chain and myself with dinner and feeds the pets but other than that the housework falls on the wife while i work full time she talked about moving out for a few years but hasn't taken the steps until now she's actively looking and taking tours along with seeking a better job the mrs and i decided to take a week road trip and left her in charge of the house i return home and am informed that she hasn't had one night just by herself she forced the other kids to stay with her along with friends she told me she couldn't manage being alone right now she has been on my last nerve so i was blunt and told her to prepare herself for taking care of me and the wife when i'm old because she'll still be in the house and there's no way in hell she'll handle living on her own it sounds harsh but not wrong god you sound like a really nice and supportive optimistic good man op wow i wonder how her self-confidence is going after that one that was just really nice of you to say that shouldn't you want the best for your kids just because she's still 31 and living with you guys doesn't mean it's impossible for her to handle living on her own we don't know the full story here but you haven't gone about it the right way here you've been very aggressive and negative and i don't know what to tell you you're the a-hole it sounds harsh but not wrong you may have heard the phrase you're not wrong but you're still saying this now of all times when by your own admission she's starting to actively look for her own place and seeking out a better job is surely going to help her on her path and work wonders for her motivation no you're the a-hole i agree she's obviously lacking some self-confidence and this cannot have helped one bit perhaps she could have made better life choices but it sounds like she's trying to turn it around she could have made better life choices but i think it's likely the opie and his wife could have made better life choices too in my experience when a clearly unhappy adult kid is still living with their parents in their 30s it's almost always partly caused by the way they were parented yes there are outliers this is a generalization i'd want to know if opi makes it a habit to point out all of his daughter's flaws and weaknesses my dad was like that and it left me with crippling anxiety and low self-esteem to this day it doesn't even make logical sense if your goal is to have your daughter move out why would you cut her down when she's trying to take her first baby steps not every true thing has to be said out loud especially from a parent to their child maybe encouragement could go a long way towards building her confidence i think he just said it out of frustration then tried to rationalize why it was an okay thing to say it wasn't and yes i'd guess opie and the ball and chain screwed up royally in parenting at least on the first one reluctance apathy low self-worth and anxiety about life don't come out of nowhere i'd guess you hit the nail on the head that comments like ops growing up explained precisely why the three of them wound up in their current predicament that ball and chain comment irritated me if i have a husband and he calls me that even 30 years into the marriage that would make me sad because i'd like to think of us as a scale balancing each other out you're the a-hole the way you speak about your wife and daughter is gross af it also sounds like your daughter may have some kind of undiagnosed mental health issue if she cannot spend a night alone she needs help and support not derogatory commentary from you i'm about to be downvoted to oblivion but it's cool can you provide the line where he talks down to his wife because i honestly don't see anything other than the old ball and chain which i honestly think he was using just as humor it really doesn't sound like he thinks of her that way second if the daughter was a dude in his early 30s living at home not willing to get a job not willing to help around the house and requiring to have someone over because they can't entertain themselves for one night alone would you be saying they have an undiagnosed health issue or would you tell him to pick himself up and learn how to be an adult because yes adulting is hard but we all got to do it i understand how this sounds massively sexist and i'll take it but i'm really unhappy that this world finds it acceptable to cater to women when they are having a rough time the world is a rough place i was in shoes similar to his daughter and not once did someone ever say i think he may need more help and support not derogatory commentary she has been there 31 years how much support does she get to have i doubt she's been there because he's been a massive dick the entire time sometimes it's important to give a push and op is finally ready to take charge of that i agree i'm willing to state that opie is british and not american furthermore if the daughter can't stand one night alone in the house then they are not planning to move out and refusing to get a promotion my brother-in-law wanted to only get one job in his life which he was never qualified for he never got that job spoiler alert he's 62 and never left home edit showed this to my husband and he asked me to add that my brother-in-law ended up grudgingly looking after my mother-in-law with dementia for five years before she went into care while complaining all the time about having to do it my mom told me that daughters take way better care of their aging parents compared to sons and every situation i've seen that is correct i'm sure there are exceptions but women are expected too and tend to do the heavy lifting in regards to taking care for their parents edits any men reading this please be the exception your mom most likely deserves it posted by user bart bartzenbartmann titled am i the a-hole for no longer inviting my sister anywhere because she has turned into a stereotypical vegan this situation has caused a lot of drama in my family but i feel like i am completely in the right meanwhile my parents are asking me to just ignore her behavior and invite her because this situation is causing a rift in the family and really hurtful to my sister i 28 male and my siblings 23 female 20 female 26 male have always been thick as thieves despite the age differences we even moved to the same city near our hometown in order to be near each other apart from my younger sister she lives at home that has changed a lot in the past 10 months though when my sister turned vegan now of course i do not give a damn about eating habits and i'm fine with checking if restaurants we eat at have vegan options or if i invite them over to have something vegan to feed her but she went full-on religiously vegan within a few weeks it started with annoying near-constant comments concerning mine my siblings or parents eating habits when at restaurants and stuff that quickly turned into passive-aggressive snide remarks about eating meats but we could deal with that however a few months in she went full-on bitterly proselytizing her lifestyle to everyone to the point she even made my younger sister cry as for conversations with her she turned everything towards veganism how's your leg injury fine i think my lifestyle really sped up the healing process followed by a lecture every damn convo i told her dozens of times to tone it down but she wouldn't listen it was at that point i just stopped speaking to her as much as i used to and made the choice to not invite her to my house or invite her to restaurants when i organized it because i got tired of it plain and simple without me influencing anyone my brother started doing the same and so did a lot of extended family cue her panicking and being in full tears to my parents constantly calling us and asking what she did while of course ignoring it when we told her now she is accusing us of alienating her ganging up on her bullying her and so forth and my parents have since begged me to just forgive and forget and deal with it since she's driving them insane sounds like she's the parent's uh problem now sorry about that if she wants to start acting like that that's her prerogative she can deal with the consequences of her actions she isn't entitled to the respect and attention of her siblings if she's going to proselytize like that and make it an issue for them i think we can all agree on that so until she changes her ways i don't blame op and the siblings for what they've done and i don't think that opie is the a-hole in my personal opinion you are not the a-hole i while not vegan and vegetarian i have never once forced my sort of lifestyle on anybody the snarky side comments the antagonizing behavior of a stereotypical vegan in reality they're radical and annoy even the kindest vegans even i couldn't put up with that try to have a conversation with her it's not right to force eating habits on people nor is it right to shame somebody for not having the same eating habits as you do as i read a different comment i'd say you're not the a-hole however yes they're right don't lose a family member over eating habits also a vegetarian here i think making sure to check that a restaurant has vegan options and making sure when you have someone over that there is food they can eat is already considerate enough of op that's what i would expect from someone sister sounds absolutely unbearable and like you say even other vegans probably don't want to be around that kind of energy not the a-hole not the a-hole if anyone is constantly making snide remarks to everyone in a group they are clearly annoying and believe that everyone else is inferior to them regardless of why they start doing this her heart might have originally been in the right place by trying to help use lead a healthier lifestyle but it definitely isn't anymore if she asks explain to her what she's doing and how much everyone dislikes it if she agrees to stop slowly begin inviting her back to things if people see that she's changed it'll all go back to normal if she doesn't stop inviting her again sad thing is opie already said when she went to them crying they tried to tell her why they were doing what they were doing she just ignored them though not the a-hole posted by user throwaway 972-511 titled am i the a-hole for not letting my roommate use my micro fridge unless she pays half of the rent for it throw away because she knows my mane i female 19 and currently doing summer classes at my college as i was able to stay on campus due to familial issues i have a roommate female 19 jill who seemed like she was great before we moved in i asked her if she wanted to split the cost of renting a microfridge which is about 220 usd for the year she says no she doesn't need a fridge or microwave i rented my own and thought everything was okay a week or so into living together jill asks if she can use the microwave to heat up her food from a few nights ago i say sure because i didn't think that it was a huge deal and thought it was a one-time event nope chug tester she continued asking to use the microwave for a few weeks buying food that could only be made in a microwave without asking me if that was okay i let it slide because i didn't really want to get into it with her a week passed and i told her that i wanted her to pay one-third of the cost if she was going to be using it that much as she was also leaving a pretty big mess regularly inside of it she just laughed and said that it's our microwave and she can do what she wants with it then i get back from grocery shopping one day and go to put ice cream in the freezer only to discover that it has a bunch of her stuff in it leaving me with no room to put my stuff in so i told her that if she wanted to keep using it she had to pay me half of the rent for it she scoffed and said that i was being a bad roommate and that it was fine for her to use it as it was in our room and that it was unfair for me to go from one-third to one-half well one-third was when she was only using the microwave but when she is taking up significant space i want her to contribute to it more i told her that i wanted her to venmo the money to me by the end of the week or i'd take her stuff out of the fridge and put everything in my room where she can't get to it a week passes still no money i can barely fit any of my stuff in the fridge that i pay for because of everything she has in there i reminded her a couple of times about it going about one and a half weeks then i took all of her stuff out of the fridge and put it by her bed moving the fridge into my room and locking the door she gets back and freaks out yelling about how i'm a horrible roommate and she needs her gatorade to be cold because it helps with her migraines i've been living with her for a few weeks now and she's never mentioned this before and that if i don't get the fridge out of my room she's going to get the people in charge of the dorm involved i asked for the money again and she said that it was her right to use it as we were sharing the room she continued to flip out at me until i just went into my room and shut her out am i the a-hole i think i'm being reasonable because it's my fridge that i pay for a few of my friends agree with me but jill's friends have been texting me about how i'm messing with her migraines and making her life harder because the meds don't work on her and there they are the magical enabling friends and family isn't it weird how they're always recurring characters at the end of these stories i'm willing to believe jill just got extra phones herself and posed as the friends jill doesn't sound like a good person jill sounds like they're trying to cheap skate op and do a whole bunch of stuff that op is not cool with op you have every right to keep jill from your food terrible roommates zero out of ten wouldn't venmo you the cash one star ruber jill can go to hell she can take that complaint and shove it up her ass that's all i have to say opie not the a-hole not the a-hole lock everything up in your room and avoid this mooch like the plague don't feel bad at all it's been her plan from the start also don't share with her now even if she does give in and offers you the money she already took over the fridge completely once if she has even more permission it's likely you'll never have room for anything and she'll never clean the microwave and justify it by saying she pays for the space this is so true now if she wants a microwave in fridge she can pay the full cost and rent her own hopefully you can get a new roommate when the new term starts not the a-hole not the a-hole it's your fridge what the hell you paid for it does she seriously think she has ownership rights to it because it's a common area yeah that's what it seems like you should start sleeping in her bed and use her desk and room because you're sharing it right you have the right to use it that's exactly what i was going to suggest sleep in her bed use her razor scrubbed his ass cheeks with her toothbrush not a problem everything's common here seriously though don't do it but you might threaten to do so you know just bust out the vibrator it's a communal vibrator isn't it we're all one big happy family in this community dorm posted by user joe college fscs titled am i the a-hole for telling my friend to return her dog to its foster family and telling her ex-husbands the truth so my friend got a rescue takeda from a foster family when she got him they were explicitly told his trigger areas are touching his face tail and paws my friend has two children one being three and the other is nine months they haven't had the dog for more than 24 hours when the three-year-old ran up to the dog unsupervised and got attacked my friend who was the child's mom was sitting on the couch throughout this whole ordeal not supervising any interaction between her kid and the new dog the kid was covered in blood with a decent sized gash on her temple my friends took her to the hospital and lied to the hospital saying that it was a neighborhood dog the consequence of that lie was that the child had to go through rabies shots since they couldn't confirm if the neighborhood dog had its shots she also lied to her soon-to-be ex-husband about the attack as well i told him the truth as he would be kept up on all the details she refused to give him i told her to return the dog to the foster family for a child's safety or face putting the dog to sleep which i didn't want either she went off on me telling me that her child grew up around animals so she will be fine as of today she has kept the dog i'm gonna go for seriously regrettable choices for a hundred there why is she keeping the dog the kid just full on ran at the dog and got attacked don't keep the dog you obviously can't look after it and you watched your kid do it and get attacked terrible parenting there and i don't blame the father for being a soon to be ex-husbands jesus call animal control get that dog taken off her op you're not the a-hole but you will be if child protective services or animal control are not called to come and assess the situation that the mother is putting both the dog and the child in danger or if the ex-husband doesn't do it i don't care this needs to be sorted out not the a-hole for the time being not the a-hole one and three-year-old children aren't capable of following guidelines regarding not touching the dog in these areas even if they were supervised at all times which it sounds like they're not this sounds like a recipe for disaster those kids are going to get seriously hurt and the dog is going to get put down what a crappy situation that dog should not be in a home with small children it definitely needs a home with older kids eight at the youngest or adults only a one and three-year-old are going to get in the dog's face pull ears and tails and try to touch its feet opie's friend is asking for the dog to mull her kids and be put down when the truth comes out i'm scared for the kids and feel awful for the dog i almost wonder if the friend doesn't want to return the dog because she lied to get it to begin with like any rescue i know would absolutely have had an age restriction on adoption for this dog yeah i'm having a hard time believing they would even adopt out a dog like that to a family with small children if they knew about it not the a-hole she put her own child in danger due to her own negligence their father deserves the truth and needs to take precautions because the mother is a liability yep this isn't a game not the a-hole and call cps and let them know of the situation i'm serious sick of reading stories about dogs killing toddlers every time i go to check my email oh my god it's yahoo that does that that's sick no thank you yahoo i'm cutting toxicity out of my life in 2020. can you contact the rescue where she got the dog i don't have the paperwork and she's cut off all contact with me i've had three jumbo akitas these are not dogs to adopt without careful consideration what you've described here fits the criteria in my state for a call to cps i would report her not the a-hole posted by user throwaway 11-777 titled am i the a-hole for re-homing our dog throw away two years ago my husband wanted a husky i agreed only if responsibility is split he had labradors growing up and i had australian shepherds great dogs i warned him about high-energy dogs how if they don't burn it off it's like having another toddler our kids were one and three years old oh god flashbacks to last story we adopted shadow who was eight months old things were great at first we worked from home and we have acres of land so we were able to give the pop his needs a year ago my husband became depressed i took on all household chores the kids and the dog i struggled to balance shadow started to act out can't blame him because a husky unable to run isn't a happy pop a few months ago we found out our oldest is allergic to dogs allergists said shadow wouldn't be an issue as long as we keep up on cleaning and once old enough we'll talk about medications and shots i sat my husband down and told him to pull his weight or i will find shadow at home he helped for a month our son's allergies fled up so bad the allergist suggested re-homing because it's not fair to both our son and the dog i agreed but my husband didn't i contacted a friend who's single and childless has the time and ability and a great home and yard to give shadow a wonderful life shadow already loves her so it made sense plus we'd be able to see him still as he's just a few roads over shadow left a few days ago when my husband was out with the kids the kids are upset but took it well my husband threw such a fit calling me a selfish a-hole and more now i feel like dirt am i the a-hole for re-homing shadow when my husband didn't want to edits i didn't expect this to take off i no longer feel bad and know my husband's name calling was wrong here is some info that people have asked about that i was unable to fit into the original i told my husband many times he needs to pick up his slack it became even more serious of a discussion the last two times as they were both the night after the allergist appointments he knew he had to help out to be able to make shadow and our son's allergy work out he knew after the last allergist appointment i would be looking for a home for shadow he knew all he had to do was pick up his half of housework or shadow's care he just didn't believe i would do it he is in therapy for his depression it's only helped a little and he's trying to find a medication that works for him maybe i'm the a-hole for saying this but his depression is not a valid reason to hang onto shadow and make his life and our son's life miserable my husband is an adult with many forms of coping mechanisms and resources versus our son who's little and can't help his allergy my son is three now that has the allergies he has been to pulmonary and ent specialists when symptoms first started congestion watery eyes shortness of breath he was thought to have asthma and blocked airflow from enlarged adenoids and tonsils after treatments and surgery didn't work out they suggested an allergist who tested for basically everything food animals outside and inside allergies nobody is allergic to dogs in our family so we were shocked our sun worsened because of how bad a husky sheds and i was unable to keep up with all the housework we have carpet so anyone with indoor allergies or knowledge of them knows how horrible that is his allergy went unknown for a bit of time because we both used to share the responsibilities of our whole household and therefore the house was cleaned daily his allergies weren't as bad as they are now because of this i felt i had to wait to do the pickup when they were all gone my husband would have caused a scene and not allowed shadow to go with our friend of many years there's no doubt about it this would have scared and upset the children and end up upsetting shadow it just would have been chaos and more traumatic for the kids shadow and our friend and yes i worried about shadow being stressed out and upset also he's a really good boy the type that if someone's upset he makes it his mission to love them extra just imagining him scared and worried about all of us while in a back seat looking out the window unable to comfort the screaming and crying mess in front of him that's not how i wanted any of us involved to remember that day people are concerned for the kids the reason i didn't mention them is because for a three and five-year-old they handled this very maturely compared to their father i expected tears questions and for them to not understand fully and that was taken care of there was no need for goodbyes my kids know it see you later to shadow instead as they're able to visit and see him every day he's living a few roads down where we had permission to visit any time even before shadow lived there we are over each other's houses a lot she was even our go-to dog sitter if we ever needed one and it's why i knew she would be a great fit our friend passes our house in the afternoon during her normal running routes she normally stops by but has been avoiding their roots temporarily because of my husband the kids have gone over to see shadow and play with him in his new yard and all three surprisingly were fine when it was time to leave edit 2 i'm sorry for so many edits i never thought that certain details would actually matter so much and that's my fault i felt guilty that maybe i wasn't trying hard enough to balance everything i'm not superwoman no i won't be re-homing my husband this is not like him at all before his depression he was a lively person we just have to work through this and get him back on track so he can live a healthy productive life filled with joys again while managing the depression properly my husband reduced his hours at work when this started which i supported we figured that would help him focus on his mental health better less stress happier life we thought we can live comfortable off my income being the main source and half the income he was used to pulling in without dipping into our savings and emergency funds we can't afford to take shadow to the groomers frequently expensive products or services to help maintain the household and such also people seem to think i just wanted shadow gone and that's not the truth at all he was my snuggle buddy when watching movies his doggy bed was right next to me on my side of the bed so i can keep a hand on him while i slept i adored that fluffy racer and would wake up at 4am just to stand outside to enjoy coffee and watch him play in the snow those beautiful intense blue eyes staring at me waiting for me to wake up and his silly excitement when he realized i was finally i love him that will never change i did this because i felt it was best for shadow and dao's son my judgment is that opie is not the a-hole i understand that the depression of the husband plays a huge part in this one and that she went against him but sometimes we have to make those decisions in life and it's not hard and the health of the kids should be the priority in this relationship in this family in this everything obviously shadow hasn't been removed permanently but you know this way it benefits everyone even though the husband hasn't perceived it to benefit him it actually does because his kids are in bed a stead and i think if he wants to sabotage the health of his kid just to keep the dog that's a very selfish thing to do so opie not the a-hole not the a-hole your partner refused to help you create the environment in which shadow can stay and your son isn't constantly dealing with allergies plus sounds like you ensured shadow would be well cared for refused to help you just this the husband literally did nothing to help with the kids the housework or the dog it sounds like and she warned him she said that he needed to pull his weight and help or the dog would have to go the husband did nothing and then was surprised when not helping meant that something had to give not the a-hole posted by user additionalpizza805 titled am i the a-hole for kicking my cousin off of my sister's wedding zoom call my 27 male older sister 30 female and her fiance 31 male were planning for over a year for their wedding to be this month obviously they can't have the wedding as planned but they still would like to get married so they decided on a zoom wedding where all of the family and friends would just call in to watch the officiant my sister and her fiance my sister didn't want to be in charge of hosting the zoom call because she thought that it would stress her out so she asked me to and i gladly accepted she and her fiance decided to invite everyone they originally wanted to and it was a very big list now when we were going over the list my sister mentioned to me that she wanted everyone else to be muted for the majority of the wedding as she was worried that others would talk over her and her fiance and quote overshadow them on their big day that was already scaled down however herrenter fiance said that i should unmute everyone at one point so everyone could talk and have a nice time with each other fast forward to the day of the wedding everyone is muted during the ceremony which goes great and so then i unmute everyone and ask to please raise a hand if they'd like to talk so it doesn't get confusing my cousin around my age starts waving his hand crazily and he's with his longtime girlfriend also similar age i guess he's a very gregarious guy so i was not surprised then he says stuff like my sister and her husband are such an inspiration it's given me the courage to do this then turns to his girlfriend and pulls out a box that is the size of an engagement ring box i immediately saw this as him trying to steal the spotlight something that he's done since we were kids for example he would secretly mess up my sister and die's drawings if the adults would praise ours and booted him off the call then i quickly announced that my cousin had technical difficulties and would not be joining again everyone else accepted this and went about talking and my sister and her husband did too the rest of the wedding went smoothly except for the fact that my cousin kept texting me angrily saying that he finally wanted to propose as a surprise with family all around and i ruined it my aunt and uncle texted me the same am i the a-hole um it's a dick move to propose while someone's getting married like in any case there is never a time that that's okay so opie you did the right thing you did it in a very professional way and i stand that thank you for existing i love you not the a-hole i think you have a calling in charge of the united states war room not the a-hole great save also people need to learn not to propose at someone else's wedding unless they have permission from the bride and groom it bothers me that someone would think it's okay to propose at someone else's wedding not cool and yes i agree great save from op they are not the a-hole not the a-hole thank god you did that your cousin has issues who would propose at another person's wedding that's the definition of overshadowing that your sis didn't want if i were your sister i wouldn't even know how to thank you who would do that a self-centered a-hole that's who it's a zoom wedding too the lowest effort proposal ever right it just sounds incredibly awkward to receive a proposal in front of a webcam with an audience in your home as a surprise is it just me could be but i would definitely not have been prepared if any husband had proposed suddenly in front of all of his relatives while trying to distance party by the way for anyone else zoom we're dinging i suggest a live stream with a hosted discord server voice only instead of zoom perhaps with chat rooms set up like reception tables if there were so many guests you could even have a room titled messages to the couple where tipsy people in their pjs can go in and ramble their congrats and dwell wishes to a recorded channel or resume for just that if you prefer video messages but that is simply my preference as a would-be guest that is a bit camera shy edit to add just thinking how i'd plan my zoom wedding and i would also have a peanut gallery voice chat where the people closest to us could chat about us like how great we look how happy we are that time tequila got the best of us we lost the bouncy house deposit etc that would be an awesome mystery science theater-like voice overlay special feature for the wedding video try saying that five times fast posted by user stable pretend 9171 titled am i the a-hole for calling my neighbor an expletive after she reported my pet penguin to the hoa my neighbor is in an hoa unfortunately however this hoa was created 10 years ago and about 40 of the neighborhood refused to join the hoa including the previous homeowners who sold me the house and thank god they did because our hoa are a bunch of suburban fascists little mussolinis who dictate everything we do i have a pet penguin some brazilian guy had it where i lived and he didn't want it anymore so he gave it to me he said he rescued it from some abusive owners and is unfit to live in a zoo or be put back in the wild as it never grew up with other penguins i have a massive pond in my backyard where my turtles and carp and koi live my fish are way too big for the penguin to eat so i'm not worried about that and here we go filtered water for him he's really happy here i am not friends with anyone on the hoa board because they're a bunch of expletives so i never invite them to any barbecues or parties i host before you call me the hoa for that the hoa board right now is trying to take away a woman's house because she is four months late on her hoa fees they raised the fees by 25 and she currently has heart issues and all of her money is being spent on surgery so yeah screw those people there's a woman teresa who actively roams the neighborhood and posts violations on next door and she often goes onto people's property to take photos i of course am not friends with her either and she went over into my backyard and was taking photos of my pet penguin and my pond i heard a bunch of noise and i walked over to see her chasing my penguin around trying to grab him i told her she had 30 seconds to leave my property before i forcibly removed her she left but posted all of it on next door and the hoa is now trying to find me i don't know if they forgot i'm not a part of it so when they came to my door to explain it i said i'm not part of the hoa screw you and frick off and i slammed the door in their face the hoa is now trying to get the local authorities involved because they don't like my pond it's against their regulations to own ponds and they're trying to make me get rid of it they don't like the penguin or my turtles or koi they keep trying to talk to me uncompromising and every time i yell at them to frick off and go away the last time they brought me some paperwork of them trying to argue that what i'm doing is not allowed and i should be considerate of the community and i knocked it out of their hands hoa members and teresa are tramping about me on next door and it started a massive dispute which is dividing the neighborhood most of them are ticked at the hoa because my crap doesn't bother anyone and there is actual issues they're disregarding like broken sidewalks and other facilities that need maintenance i'm having a barbecue and karen is saying i'm bullying her by not inviting her since most of the neighborhood is coming a couple of other people backed her up and i said she is a massive expletive for reporting everyone's bullcrap violations and trying to take away my pets so she can go screw herself nasty expletive edits since the first commenter didn't understand i am not in the hoa penguin vedas in the comments links in posts because my posts always seem to have issues lots of um swearing that had to be filtered out of this one today lots of this c word being dropped left and right it looks like sorry if it's jarring to hear that word but uh youtube doesn't like that word i think opie is not the a-hole i feel like there's a righteous indignation of the mistreatment of their penguin and their koi pond and i stand with opie you're not being treated right by these bullies in the neighborhood we have to deal with the mopey you're not the a-hole and we gotta purge the city of the hoa once and for all yeah file a criminal trespass against her with the intention to commit stock theft penguin is considered like almost all pets to be classified as property and her attempting to take it is stock theft here 5 to 10 year inside no option of a fine per animal because it's a massive problem same for injuring stock while attempting to take it get cameras open with no trespassing and camera notice signs make sure you back up the tapes and they have the date markings why because you can bury these idiots when the time comes i can't be the only one whose mind is blown by the fact that you can just own a penguin as a pet somewhere where is this magical place somewhere in america other countries don't have hoas almost certainly texas if it is texas or florida wouldn't the wouldn't the penguin be like dying from heat stroke not the a-hole i despise people like teresa and i despise hoas both are always more concerned about what everyone else is doing rather than what they are doing they are more annoying than your pond or pet personally if you were my neighbor i'd try my best to be your friend so i could meet your cool penguin body if she continues to go onto your property i'd start documenting with video and have her charged with trespass and get a restraining order not the a-hole be careful that they don't retaliate and call animal control like what country is this also i work in wildlife rehabilitation exotic animals should never be kept as pets however as long as you communicate with penguin experts on the best way to care for him you're fine to keep him on these grounds in my opinion one you didn't purchase him two you tried to re-home him at a zoo and failed protect your penguin don't buy another one animal control and zoning because most cities have regulations regarding building ponds hopefully you or other people who owned the property before you had the proper permits when it was built by the way not the a-hole if you lived near me i'd ask you to bring the penguin to my kid's birthday party the penguin would be a local celebrity oh my god the penguin is perfect he is so perfect it has good fun posted by user gotlucky1245 titled am i the a-hole for keeping a 300 000 prize to myself when i originally plan to share it with my boyfriend my 26 female boyfriend 27 male is really into cars he recently discovered a charity project where they fixed up an old jaguar it's worth around three hundred thousand dollars you could buy a ticket for fifty dollars to enter and the money went towards a good cause my boyfriend is broke at the moment so i offered to go halves with a ticket he didn't want to go because then the car wouldn't be his completely i wasn't too worried about it and didn't mention it again i did however buy a ticket for myself well i won and as of august 1st will be the owner of the car when my boyfriend found out he was really excited until i told him that i was going to sell it and put half of it in my savings and invest half of it he said i can't sell our car without consulting him i told him it's my car and i can do whatever i want he now claims it was all a big misunderstanding and apparently he wanted to go halves but he hasn't got around to giving me the money yet i call bs on it but he keeps saying that we're a couple and we should make decisions together am i the a-hole for going ahead with the plan to sell the car and keep the money to myself edits i broke up with him hey go sis he didn't pay for the tickets he doesn't want a split ownership you win the car oh i want a split ownership now it's crazy that you got that money what is he expecting to happen god it's crazy how when money comes up he's like you know what i reversed my decision from back then screw you boyfriend no go to hell opie not the a-hole ill dump his ass no misunderstanding he didn't want to front the 25 to split the ticket and now he is trying to manipulate you it's your money now he can either suck it up and be with you or leave not the a-hole sucking it up builds a bad reputation that will harbor long-lasting damage that over time will cause for either an unhappy marriage or harsh breakup it is an opie's best interest to move on and find someone who isn't manipulative or greedy to such a degree not the a-hole op i wish you well in finding a new significant other that's true i guess it would make the most sense to just leave then and she did girl p compromise is a part of a relationship and every relationship doesn't have to end due to a disagreement this ain't a disney film and crap isn't always perfect now if dude can't drop the big baby act over a car yeah dump him but give him a chance to realize he screwed the pooch and move on this scenario isn't a guarantee of some tragic trauma leading to a bad marriage in life in fact standing up for herself could foster an understanding between the two of them of the dynamics in the relationship i swear reddit advice is either humans a perfect or you jump ship to be fair most jump ship advice on this sub is in response to petty concerning crap written between the lines a lot of people who genuinely can't tell if they're the a-hole in a situation tends to be people with broken bullcrap detectors who don't see red flags where others might and the specific thing they're asking about clearly isn't the actual problem in this situation it isn't just that the dude is being a big baby over a car it's his what's mine is mine but what's yours is ours attitude made clear by the gaslighting what i said isn't really what i said baby and controlling behavior if i bought a ticket alone the car would be mine but that doesn't mean you can buy it alone and have it be yours you owe it to me to make financial decisions as a couple but i wouldn't owe the same to you if our situations were reversed a baby that is not the behavior of a person who sees their partner as their equal posted by user miss puddleduck titled am i the a-hole for barring my husband from the bedroom tonight so here is the situation me nurse working 50 showers a week in a pediatric icu cry at least one a week because that crap is hard my salary pays all our bills all of them husband 25 male has a degree but isn't looking for a job works two days a week at the grocery store spends most of his time playing league of legends by the way all events here are in accordance with curved legislation today was supposed to be a good day i had been begging my husband to swap his saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together we haven't had a weekend together since our wedding 18 months ago today was supposed to be our first saturday off together we were going to an animal sanctuary he starts the day by going to breakfast with his best mate leaving before i even wake up i wake up around 9 and realize he's not home cole he says that he's helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway he gets home at one-ish lies around plays some video games promising we would cook dinner together tonight leaves again at five to help the same mate with something else i go grocery shopping i don't drive because of medical issues but i walk there and back in the rain i get home realize i've left my keys inside i call my husband knowing he's five minutes away he says he'll leave in a minute i sit in the rain and the cold southern hemisphere and 45 minutes later i call again he hasn't left yet he finally agrees to come and let me in the house so he drives up presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again at 10 i call to see where he is his friend answers says he is driving out to do something an hour away it's 10 30 i'm going to bed i have sent him a text that i am upset and i don't want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone as far as i'm concerned if he can't value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and i shed in a year and a half he can go sleep in his bed instead by the way his friend doesn't work so they hang out all the time when i'm at work he's going to be upset and he is going to tell his mates and his mate is going to tell him i am being a beer am i the a-hole adding some info i am 26 and we weren't always like this i don't know what changed i'm fairly confident he's not having an affair and i fully intend on talking through this but at a time that isn't 4 am also the crying sick babies sometimes make me sad and i love all my patients that's why i cry and i don't mean hours of sobbing i mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work and thank you for your kindness i was expecting maybe five replies i'm trying to respond to as much as i can but there are a lot of you i definitely think the boyfriend is the a-hole here there doesn't seem to be one instance where he's not been a dick and gone against the best interests of his marriage and for people that want to say it's fake i completely believe this is a real story i believe there are man children still out there even married that still play games don't have a job they have a degree i see it in my hometown i've seen instances like this before i believe it's real i think it's a real dick move what he's doing to her and i wish her all the best of luck because working as a pediatrician that that would hurt i couldn't do that myself i don't blame her for crying i would do the exact same thing i wouldn't be able to hold myself together looking after sick kids like that it would be it would be really hard and i feel for op not the a-hole i'd ban him for more than one night what kind of thoughtless behavior sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too have you spoke to him about finding a full-time job it's not fair that he's not pulling his weight if he can spare one day of his five-day weekend to spend with his wife who is currently being a front-line hero he can go live with his friend in my opinion that's a major red flag when he can't be bothered to let you into the house and it's pacing rain outside not the a-hole my first reaction is who's he seeing on the side if he's spending his free time with his mate is his mate just providing an alibi when you call and he's not there how convenient is the mate's response or maybe his mate is the side piece that's not a husband it's an overgrown child if he can't spend one day with you in 18 months and chooses to spend that day with his friends then kicking him out of the bedroom isn't going to change his behavior he needs to start making you his wife a priority or he needs to pack his crap up and leave he doesn't work and isn't looking for work he spends all day every day hanging with friends or gaming while you work your ass off helping others and to paying bills couples therapy isn't going to change that as he probably believes you're overreacting and he has done nothing wrong sorry to sound harsh but you married a dude he's lazy and inconsiderate personally i'd throw the whole man away and start again not the a-hole posted by user throw r.a lacey titled am i the a-hole for walking around my house naked my girlfriend works mornings so i have the house to myself and what do i like to do walk around naked my girlfriend and i are the only two people who have the keys to the house but she has a habit of letting her key out to her friends i don't have a problem with that my only problem is that she doesn't tell me when she does it so one morning i'm walking around naked and i hear somebody open the door and i think it's my girlfriend home early but instead i see one of her friends and i ran to the bedroom and threw some clothes on we had a laugh about it but my girlfriend got ticked when her friend told her and joked that i had a nice ass yo bro nice ass my girlfriend snapped at me and told me to stop walking around naked and i told her to tell me if she lent her key out to anybody so at least i can expect it and put on some clothes before they come we agreed i kept walking around the house naked because um it's my house and i have the whole place to myself guess what happened the door opened one day and her friend the same one came in lol so yeah my girlfriend is ticked and says that i'm the a-hole but if she would have told me she had lent the key out again her friend wouldn't have seen me naked again xd your house your rules you're not an a-hole for walking around naked in your own house she's the a-hole for continually forgetting when she knows that you're gonna be walking around the house naked and her friend thinks that you have a nice ass so you know more power to you obviously that's not an excuse it's just a joke but you know in the end she's the one that continually forgets you're the one that's naked in your house nothing wrong with that she's the a-hole not the a-hole she has a habit of lending her key out to her friends i don't have a problem with that i think you probably should have a problem with that it's your home too and the idea that random people can just walk in at any time is pretty disconcerting why can't her friends just ring the doorbell like normal people yeah you're probably right i grew up in a big family so i'm probably used to random people just walking in and out of the house i don't think you should have a problem with that you can obviously but don't have to your conditions of i just want to know would be totally enough for me as well honestly same all these people going on about how the biggest issue is the girlfriends just lending out the key they've obviously agreed it's fine he just wants a little heads up so he's not naked my boyfriend and i have an open door policy with our friends totally fine for people to just walk in whenever but they usually give a heads up first because that's common courtesy i'm sure this friend is doing the same and the girlfriend just isn't telling him might be handy to keep a robe around for just in cases like this i'm also always naked at home and do because unfortunately strangers come annoyingly often but he's not getting a heads up they've discussed it and it's still happening therefore the issue is with a girlfriend and not with his lack of carrying a robe around he has a right to privacy within his home girlfriend needs to stop giving out her key if she can't be bothered to let op no not the a-hole walking around naked seems to be a theme on emma the a-hole today in the privacy of one's own home is perfectly natural and harmless i'm afraid your girlfriend is an a-hole for saying that she wouldn't lend out the key without telling you first yet she went ahead and did it maybe word has spread about your great ass and lots of her friends want to look wasn't it the same friend she wanted a better look is she hot endop says i played the fifth posted by user lionel656 titled am i the a-hole for berating my girlfriend with asperger's after she called my anorexic sister chubby my 18 male sister 16 female has been struggling with anorexia ever since her pre-teens my girlfriend 19 female knows this however while we've been dating she's only seen my sister at her lowest weights currently my sister is weight restored and this was the first time we've seen her since she got hospitalized we went out to eat together since according to her treatment instructions eating out should be a light-hearted bonding experience with family everything was fine at first my girlfriend has aspergers and therefore has a track record of saying things without thinking or realizing that they're inappropriate until afterwards however i told her not to comment on my sister's appearance or food choices at all as that could be triggering so i didn't think it would be an issue during the meal i could sense my girlfriend was throwing my sister looks but she didn't say anything for the first half of the meal however the conversation took a turn and my girlfriend blurted out something along these lines i've got to say wow you look so much bigger since i last saw you being chubby looks good on you and before you were picking at your food and only eating salad you eat so much now even more than me silence my sister started tearing up and asked to be excused and left to go to the bathroom while my girlfriend seemed completely oblivious i got really frustrated with her and told her that she had completely ignored my advice and that she most likely put my system months behind in her treatment and that she had been completely inappropriate i insinuated that it would be her fault if my sister relapsed and that it's contributing even more to her negative self-image then i went after my sister to comfort her according to my girlfriend's friends i was out of line for saying those things because she can't help it since she has aspergers so she says things sometimes without meaning to be rude i've even been called ableist by a few of her friends while i understand it's difficult for her to judge social situations sometimes i had explicitly told her to avoid those topics and she brought up both of them unprompted am i the a-hole no just because she has asperger's doesn't mean she doesn't have a brain she can always keep her mouth shut she has the option to keep her mouth shut on those two topics that he told her to keep her mouth shut on and she chose not to keep her mouth shut and she could be the sole reason someone relapses back into anorexia there is no excuse as spurges is not an excuse you can't hide behind that excuse if she was my girlfriend she would be on extremely thin ice for that absolutely extreme thin ice i hold my sister in high stead if my sister was in the same situation it would be like a one strike policy opie you're not the a-hole i would seriously reconsider things with my girlfriend over something like that regardless of the aspergers it was an extremely cruel thing to say and my god i i have no further words than that opie not the a-hole not the a-hole hi woman with asperger's here your girlfriend is absolutely an a-hole is it true we sometimes say stuff without thinking yep does that excuse us for saying something hurtful nope did she know that she shouldn't have said it yes you literally told her not to mention weight or looks or eating did she apologize i second this social ineptitudes aside that is just one of the bitchiest things i've ever heard also what's up with so many people having their partner's friends excuse their partner's bad behavior does anybody deal with this in real life it just seems like absolutely gaslighting to me by the partner to make opiu feel like they're in the wrong drives me nuts i've been wondering this too how many people actually text all of their friends when they have a relationship fight and then have those friends message their partner it's mentioned constantly here i think that's toxic behavior you should only tell your closest friends about your relationship fights you should ask those friends to not tell anyone else and any advice they give is to help you and not to help bully or convince your partner your friends should never contact your partner about an argument and you shouldn't use your friend's comments as leverage i.e everyone thinks you're wrong i've definitely had an ex's friend reach out to me and at the time unfortunately took it as them caring about the relationship and letting me know when i was making incorrect assumptions i later realized they were enabling him not helping me but i think the type of people who are friends with a toxic personality get so used to justifying his actions to themselves that they don't even realize they're gaslighting someone else i think that friends reaching out in this situation should be a red flag for the reasons you say but also because it shows that the friends might have a tendency to need to explain him or her to other people not the a-hole yes she has asperger's which makes it difficult to pick up on social subtext do not comment on my sister's appearance or eating habits is not a subtext and her diagnosis is no excuse for being an a-hole she does not get to hide behind her diagnosis to avoid valid criticism when she is cruel no one gets to hide behind their diagnosis to avoid valid criticism when they are cruel this is just really really important posted by user throwdad224 titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife's friend she's too old and ugly after she repeatedly asked my 19 year old son to take off his shirt he was getting uncomfortable my family had a small get-together at my house one of my wife's friends was over she's unmarried i think she's 45 to 47. we aren't too close to her since she lives pretty far away she was over our house and she started complimenting my son my son is 19. it starts off innocent but as time goes on it gets more and more crossing the line when we were out in the deck she starts telling my son to take his shirt off what's the point of going to the gym if no one will see it my son is visibly uncomfortable and tries to shut her down she repeatedly is asking and getting more aggressive with it i interject and i'm like hey kathy i think you're a bit too old and ugly for my son this got her upset really quickly and she excuses herself to the bathroom and starts crying my wife goes to comfort her and then later she leaves at the end of it my wife is super angry with me for saying that that i should have said hey kathy looks like you had too much to drink or something else i told my wife that kathy by the way this is not her real name works a corporate job she's had training on this and that she knows better and our son was uncomfortable he's 18 plus but he doesn't know how to deal with an adult adult let alone someone saying that in our house i told my wife flat out that if i was to invite a guy friend and he was to ask to see our daughter in a bikini my wife would have called the police she says it's different i tell her that i was way kinder to kathy than i would have been had a guy said something like that to our daughter and i told my wife that kathy needs to apologize to my son before she can ever come into our house again overall i think i was fair if kathy just said it once and i said that i think i would be the a-hole but the fact she kept repeating it that's why i said it and i wanted her to get the message that yes i'm upset that's why i included the ugly part i think it's more than fair to say that kathy knows she was exhibiting predatory behavior here it's kind of like really disgusting of her to be doing that to a 19 year old sure he may be an adult but he's a child in comparison to cathy a bit on the nose with that uh insult op but maybe you're not wrong who knows it's not really nice to say that but hey you got the point across she left crying she feels bad about it your son is no longer having unwanted advances come towards him and the situation is resolved i don't know what else you want opie not the a-hole double standard no more i wouldn't let her around my boy anymore i would be livid if a husband's friend was telling my daughter the same type of things and why is insulting her looks and age the appropriate thing instead of telling her off for the sexual harassment and kicking her out no one is interested in being nice to a pervert but by saying that the behavior is unwelcome because of her age and perceived attractiveness her behavior isn't being as described as perverted but instead as simply out of her league it's explicitly saying that if she were younger and hotter it would be fine it's explicitly saying that either the sun is uncomfortable because she's not hot enough or that the sun's discomfort wouldn't matter if she was hotter south parks nice and all that far better to call out her behavior as is rather than resorting to ad hominence or justifications cathy stop sexually harassing my son or leave same response as if she were a 19 year old supermodel that the son simply wasn't into exactly like if she were in her late 30s and gorgeous it would be okay no it wouldn't be saying cathy it is inappropriate plus sexual harassment to speak to my son this way would get the actual point across i 100 agree with this i think it's a light everyone sucks here because kathy is 100 to creep and her behavior was unacceptable i think opie is justified in wanting her to leave and sincerely apologize but i think that his wording doesn't really accomplish addressing what i feel is most wrong about the situation that a person was harassing and pressuring someone else in a sexual manner regardless of age looks gender etc that said i can understand from a more personal level how opie could say things like he did out of anger frustration and disgust in hindsight sure something better might have been said but if it were your kid in the heat of the moment could you take the time to reflect on how to say it or immediately strike the situation down some people have more peace of mind in stressful and you know emotional situations than others i'm sure some people would say a lot worse opie says if she was 19 years old my son can handle it on his own the reason why i intervened was because she is much older than my son and is seen as an authority figure and is close friends with his mother and in a situation in front of the family that's why i intervened it's not being nice to a pervert to not resort to shaming over age and looks there's plenty to her behavior to comment on that doesn't require shaming someone about their appearance she's gross for being so suggestive towards someone less than half her age who expressed discomfort and didn't want anything to do with it flipping the genders again if a 40 year old man were creeping on a 19 year old woman would anybody here raise an eyebrow if he was called a fat and creepy old man it would just be a complete non-issue why do you feel the need to defend this woman right i believe in respect to people but people asking my child to undress doesn't get any niceties or respect see i back that one that's a very good point if we had time to process these things maybe you don't say it here to the moment you're more than likely going to say something like that you guys are cool to see your everyone sucks your opinions that's fine everyone's different i'm sticking with and not the a-hole crowd posted by user straqueberry sunday titled am i the a-hole for choosing myself over my child i 27 female became pregnant by my husband 28 i wasn't on birth control bad side effects and he used a condom as we weren't ready for kids yet after confirming that i was pregnant took a pregnancy test after days of morning sickness we decided to keep the baby as we both had stable incomes and a house that has a few extra rooms i was due to give birth a few weeks ago after a pretty okay pregnancy not extremely good or anything but not as bad as some women my husband was the only one in the room with me due to hospital restrictions but we were excited and nervous for the birth of our first child we were having a baby boy unfortunately due to complications during the birth it came down to either my life or the babies and i terrified for my life told the nurses to fix the complication first it's very rare and then to try to save the baby i had to undergo emergency surgery but in doing so resulted in the loss of my beautiful baby in the moment my husband and i were okay with my decision and grateful that i survived but upset over the loss of our child when we returned home and broke the news to our families my family was so kind in understanding and helped me and my husband in our grieving process but his parents were furious they said that i was a horrible woman and a terrible mother for letting my child die his mother specifically said that she would give her life for her children and that i was a selfish cold-hearted [ __ ] this made me feel even worse about my choice and i became very depressed during this time my husband began to turn on me and said that he wasn't sure if he wanted to create a family with someone who didn't care about her children he says that what i did was selfish and that he doesn't trust me anymore i feel so alone even with the support of my family i was talking with one of my friends about this and she said that they are all being awful but i'm not so sure anymore am i the a-hole for choosing my life over the child's so the husband is mad that the wife chose not to die that's what's at the forefront of this question the child is secondary to it the husband and his family are mad that the wife chose not to die opie not the a-hole you are so not the a-hole honestly i'm sorry you had to go through this and i'm sorry for your loss but choosing to save your own life is in no way a bad choice and if your husband would rather you had died giving birth i think you should seriously reconsider your marriage i can't believe how anyone would think herpes the a-hole when clearly she isn't opie's husband is letting his family poison him what vibe is opie i am so sorry for everything you've been through and i know everyone is grieving right now but you should reconsider your marriage to this man what would he have done in your shoes he can say all day long he would have died but you honestly face death and he will never know that feeling as a woman does you had to make a tough decision and he has no right to make you feel less than for it same thing applies to your monster of a mother-in-law those who live in glass houses should not throw stones totally not the a-hole i agree with every word you said and for a minute i'm gonna be a horrible person and say this you can make a new baby you can't make a new wife whom you have loved for years and months yes you've loved the baby too but everyone knows it's very different if you care about the baby more than the wife during a critical pregnancy like ops as difficult as it may be if you think saving the wife instead of the baby was a mistake it's clear that you see her as a baby-making machine and not a wife i'm a guy i don't know if it affects this whole statement in any way not the a-hole at all she would have preferred your child to have no mother for your husband to have no wife for your family to lose their daughter she is the selfish one it sounds to me like she's bitter because if your husband lost you then she could have stepped up and played mother to the child you're a person you're not just an incubator to provide children to your mother-in-law or your husband you can always have more babies but no one can replace you in your child's life given the same choice i would choose the same your husband is being an arse maybe try counselling for him to overcome his grief but if he continues to say things like that it might be in your best interest to find someone else piggybacking to add that your husband's reaction is hugely concerning what happens if this kind of situation happens again and you're incapacitated do you really want to entrust your husband to make that decision for you if you can't he just told you how much he values your life listen to him it's not selfish to prioritize your own life over your unborn child's if you can't trust him to respect your priorities you should take precautions that he doesn't get to make that call against your wishes and it goes beyond that what if it's not between your life and the babies what if you require life-saving treatment that would decrease your fertility would he also refuse you might consider this a stretch and maybe he was just influenced by your in-laws screw them by the way but this is a real possibility and you should definitely explore this issue even if it's just hypothetical it's another one sorry posted by user vegan thunder titled am i the a-hole for turning my niece vegan hey reddit i've got some family drama going on and need to know if it really is all my fault my brother-in-law and sister-in-law recently asked if my husband and i could watch their seven-year-old daughter for a few weeks we said yes and my niece came to stay with us i'm out of work due to covered and my husband is an essential worker who has been working extremely long hours so 95 percent of the child care fell on me i've been a vegan for over 10 years and was vegetarian for several years before that everyone in the family knows this i cook vegan at home my husband will sometimes add his own meat or dairy to the vegan meals that i provide but with his new work hours he hasn't had time to cook for himself at all so all the meals prepared at our house have been vegan i did get some meat-based convenience foods for my niece stuff like chicken nuggets that could just be heated i can't handle raw meats and added to her plate it pained me to do it but i figured it would be best for everyone after a few days of living with us and helping me prepare meals my niece started asking questions about why i don't cook real meat i explained to her that i don't eat animals she kept asking questions about it lots of wise and i explained it to her like this do you think dexter our dog has feelings does he get happy and scared would he be scared if someone tried to kill him would you want to eat him then continued i believe that cows and pigs and chickens have feelings just like dexter does so i don't want to eat them either after that conversation my niece promptly declared she didn't want to eat meat again so i stopped serving her the meat items i bought for her and she just ate my food when we made pasta one day she asked where the cheese was and i explained to her that they have to take the baby cows away from the mothers to get the milk but if she really wanted the cheese for her pasta we could get some at the store for her she said no thanks and that was that when my sister-in-law came and picked my niece up we chatted for a bit and i mentioned that niece stopped eating meat while she was here sister-in-law looked a little taken aback but didn't say anything the next day my brother-in-law called my husband and was absolutely furious sister-in-law and brother-in-law have been screeching about me to everyone in the family telling them that it was really screwed up for me to turn my niece vegan my husband is ticked at me because now he and his brother are fighting he and his brother had always been pretty close but now brother-in-law has been ignoring my husband for a few weeks i don't think i did anything wrong i was honest and age-appropriate i offered the kid animal products she decided she didn't want them am i the a-hole opie you phrase it like you gave the kid a choice but the way you went about it with the guilting and emotional manipulation of the child and yes emotional manipulation is definitely what it is you genuinely didn't give this young girl a choice in the food she ate she would feel terrible about eating those products and you knew what you were doing in my mind there is nothing wrong with veganism as a whole but the way you went about it to this young child was the wrong way to go about it you're not her parents you shouldn't be making dietary choices for her i don't think it was the right thing for you to do to take her down that path yourself but hey you know you can justify it for yourself if you'd like and i think that big fight was to be expected and i feel like you knew that fight was coming don't know why you're acting surprised you're the a-hole yes you're the a-hole absolutely and here's why you were seriously understating what you did when you said i don't think i did anything wrong i was honest and age-appropriate i offered the kid animal products she decided she didn't want them here's the thing about kids they are incredibly impressionable it was commendable that you jumped over your shadow to get the meat products for her despite the fact that doing so was uncomfortable for you but really when she started asking questions you should have backed out and waved her off you should have told her to talk to her parents specifically the part about dexter the dog this really borders emotional manipulation when she asked why do you not eat animals you could have responded anyway but you chose to involve a dog an animal that is traditionally very emotionally close to families and children especially and basically likened him to livestock that is used to produce meat i cannot think of any reason you would do this other than wanting to spread your ideals for lack of better phrasing by specifically invoking the emotional connection she had to this specific animal while i'm not here to debate the morality of meat eating with you using an argument such as this on a child is absolutely inappropriate and loads the conversation right from the get-go you should have handled this with a lot more tact it's not your place to educate this child on matters such as this thank you her answer was definitely manipulative and it was a really gross way to try to guilt a child into veganism of course she isn't going to want to eat the family dog and then further manipulating her about the cheese like nice didn't even ask op why op doesn't eat it just asked where it was and opie jumped straight to well animals suffer for that but if you really don't mind that this is almost too ridiculous to be real it reads like a vegan haters fantasy i completely disagree the kid asked questions and opie responded with grace and dignity if they are old enough to understand life and death then they're old enough to be told where their food comes from i'm gonna have to disagree with you there is no way that little girl was going to walk away from that conversation feeling okay about eating meat the reason people are calling it manipulative is because a seven-year-old child is not really in a position to argue with an adult especially one they trust so choice here is negligible everyone sucks here i think the minute she started asking you questions it should have been a text call email to brother-in-law and sister-in-law to say hey your kid is asking me questions about my eating habits how candid can i be with her i think they dropped their kid off to you for a few weeks knowing both that their kid would have to eat and that you only eat vegan and that they didn't say one word about how they want meals and questions about meals handled short-sighted to say the very least not gonna lie i actually agree with that the parents kind of suck too it does look like an everyone's sexier situation why why were they dropped off for a few weeks what are the parents doing like these days that they've got to leave their kid for a few weeks they're isolating because they had a trip to barcelona and back what's going on posted by user angry mum tummy tuck titled am i the a-hole for being angry at my husband for spending my tummy tuck money repost sorry if you read this already my husband 37 and i 35 have been together for just over 11 years we have three beautiful children before we were engaged we talked about having babies i said i always wanted to be a mom but i will be getting the mummy makeover package after i'm done this is a tummy tuck and possible breast lift i was very clear that i would want us to start saving as soon as i was pregnant with the first baby first pregnancy hits and it hits hard and true to our promise we start saving after my first child was born we found out my abdominal muscles had separated and needed to be repaired surgically oh ow god that's a thing this is essentially a tummy tuck since giving birth to my first i have experienced horrible back pain and back spasms due to the separation but we wait and had two more babies my youngest is now almost one year old so i brought up the surgery to my husband he asked me if i was sure i wanted the surgery lol yes i am very sure he asks me why i want it which i found insane since i've been talking about it for eight years straight i told him one i look pregnant all the time due to the separation and i hate it it makes me feel awful and sad and two the pain was getting unbearable even with therapy well he tells me i'm being very vain and that he doesn't think that i should have it he completely ignored the pain part i start to get confused and ask to see the account where it's being saved to clarify we are both on this account but it was never linked to my online banking i saw the balance last month at 15k he became silent and left the house i was very very confused so i called up the bank they told me the account had under 1k left i burst into hysterical tears and called my husband he answered and didn't say anything i unload on him about being betrayed by the person i trust the most in the world and ask where the hell the money went he said he was under a lot of stress with the kids i am a stay-at-home mom and do everything so he wanted to treat himself and bought a computer for his office for 14k nah chief that's that's not there's no computers for 14k like that i told him to not come home and he hasn't yet the thing is he's an excellent daddy that's what she said and husband and this is very out of the blue it has made me so upset that i texted him i wanted a divorce since i seemed to not matter he texted me back saying no divorce but it was his money anyway this has damaged us to a level i never thought we could get to my mother-in-law called me and told me to kick him out but my own family especially mother is saying she's very disappointed in me and thinks i'm vain and shallow i just want to look normal and play with my babies with no pain am i the a-hole edit to add he said that he thought i didn't want it anymore since i haven't talked about it in a few months and he thought i'd never realize and he has seen me struggle with the pain for years and has taken me to every therapy appointment also the money was transferred to his soul account i have one too for fun money we transfer the equal amounts to each of us while we can i cannot see the transactions after the transfer edits reading the comments after only 30 minutes of this post being up has made me realize what an idiot i am thank you for educating me on computers and prices i guess that's it edits he texted me i'm so sorry honey i lost my mind for no reason at all when i married you i sat in sickness and in health and i broke that promise the money is sitting in my account still and i will move it back tomorrow morning as soon as i can we talked about the recovery time for surgery and the time i need to take off to watch the kids and run the house it has made me panic a great deal so i moved it thinking you wouldn't mind me spending it and we just save up again i did it out of panic and frustrations and did not expect you to find out so soon i planned on returning it and telling you what i did and why i understand if you want a divorce and to leave me behind i am staying with nathaniel tonight sweetheart rest and i will fix it all tomorrow i promise you you will have the surgery you wanted i am a selfish stupid man and i hope you can forgive me for the first time in my relationship with this man i don't believe an effing word that he wrote me he always told me i had it easy not working and now he's saying he can't handle a week in my shoes i feel ice-cold towards my husband and it is a sick feeling my dad and dance police officer are coming to stay the night i will think long and hard about this relationship and everything i read here thank you everyone i think that concludes this post if it were me i would say don't expect an update post on this one kind of seems like she's gonna handle it but hey this is a good enough post in and of itself i don't know what the hell is going on with the husband obviously we see a lot of these posts here and you do have to feel bad for the husband a lot of the time when they start working two jobs and doing 80 hours a week it's just not conventional so i do sympathize with the husband if that's the case but ultimately he's the one in trouble in this situation and that text message just seems empty i read that and i'm like [ __ ] [ __ ] i don't believe you i don't believe anything you're saying didn't come off as sincere so i think what i can take away from my rambling here is that opie's not the a-hole not the a-hole he texted me back saying no divorce but it was his money anyway two things here one he doesn't get to decide no divorce if one spouse wants a divorce there will be a divorce it's easier if both spouses agree but no one can be forced to stay married two it wasn't his money you're married it's both your money legally and morally you need to scrutinize his spending over the last month get the bank statements and look at the credit card bills because a top of the line bleeding edge gaming pc might run you three to four thousand dollars and that is an exorbitant amount to spend on a pc there is absolutely no chance that he spent fourteen thousand dollars on a computer for his office none zero zilch nada zip whatever you want to call it you need to find out what the hell he did with that money gambling strip clubs bad investments something extremely shady is going on here and you need to get to the bottom of it let's split up gang op replies he apparently moved it to a soul account so i couldn't get the surgery as he's too scared to run the house and take care of the kids for a few weeks while i recover i don't believe him and want to see his account history it's breaking my heart that the one person on this earth that i thought i could trust with my life is doing this what the hell is that reasoning even if it's fake why would anyone think that that's a good thing to say he's a parent for frick's sake he's a fun parent he listens and takes them places and buys them stuff they love spending time with their dad and i love that however i do 90 percent of the parenting and 100 of everything for the youngest he hasn't had to make a meal say no to the two oldest or clean a toilet in years regardless i don't believe him anymore i would demand to see his fun money accounts and look at his spending for the last year if he says no then move forward with a divorce i would bet he has another child or at least a pregnant mistress i'm gonna go with gambling addiction or owes money to a bad crowd why not both girl he didn't hide that new computer from you and nor is 114k gambling or drugs also you don't need to be told ok to divorce all the comments are pointing this out and i am very concerned now i can't stop thinking how and why this happens but i can't bring myself to talk to him yet call the bank and see where the money went to his soul accounts i wish i had access not the a-hole i also think he's lying about what the money was used for maybe debt or gambling addiction also if it was in a joint account the money was both of yours and not just his so his reasoning doesn't even make sense as you're in pain could you get the surgery funded by your insurance as it's a medical issue and not only one of appearance rp says this never crossed my mind he plays a lot of casino games in his phone but i'd never guess an addiction this is such a crap show i tried to get it covered and even had my therapist write a recommendation but sadly it's still considered cosmetic and not covered even if it's causing pain one of the comments says she's selling his car oh my god and another one talks about how even on those gambling apps you can still lose all of your money it's really weird for me because i saw my auntie she was like on her computer and her tablet scrolling through two gambling apps at the same time i gotta say that's that is meta that is living life on the edge we're going double slots baby posted by user let me see if i am the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for refusing to let my daughter's grandparents meet her because they aren't family this happened a few years ago i have been together with my fiance for 15 years we were both in a severe accident while i was driving wasn't my fault hit and run police never found who did it i survived he didn't i grew up in an abusive household and they had always been like a family to me before this my boyfriend was their only son adopted and after his death they started hating me and treating me really harshly in the two months after the accident they blamed me for his death by the way constantly told me how i should have died instead of him they made me give back the engagement ring they made me give them all the things he ever gave me because i didn't deserve them they made me give back all the money we saved they told me that they would sue me if i didn't i asked them why they were doing this and they told me it's because i wasn't family they told me to never contact them again i lost him and i also lost people whom i'd loved and considered to be my family i was dealing with a lot of grief and survivor's guilt and they weren't making it better so i just did whatever they asked while i was trying to get a transfer to another city then i found out i was eight weeks pregnant my transfer came through at the right time and i left without telling them anything new city new life i was happy a year later they tracked me down and found out that i had a baby as i mistakenly shared the news with a friend in old city they lost their crap they were yelling at me about how cruel i was for keeping their grandbaby from them they asked me why i never told them i was pregnant i told them i didn't tell them anything because i wasn't family they were demanding to be a part of her life and i pretty much told them to take a hike they told me they would take me to court i told them that they can't possibly prove that my daughter is her sons because he was adopted and cremated also i haven't put his name in the birth certificate i told her i would tell my daughter about them when she is old enough to decide whether she wants to connect with him and until then i'm not going to let them into my life after how they behaved soon after they changed their approach and started apologizing they told me that since i'm parents i must understand how they felt back then and how i shouldn't hold on to things they said when they were in mourning they told me how i must forgive them because they were family i laughed and hung up in the following year they tried to contact me repeatedly always giving excuses and never an actual apology after that i got a chance to go to another country and i took it i deleted all my social media changed my number and only shared it with people i trusted in the new city i left and they haven't been able to contact me after that so am i the a-hole edits i saw a similar post regarding an engagement ring and decided to post this absolutely not go you for being the better person what they did after that accident was disgusting to you and they deserve to be ghosted they deserve no part in your life they don't deserve that kid you did the right thing opie continue it i love that for you not the a-hole they abused you they ostracized you they [ __ ] stole from you and now they want back in your life because you have something they want no no screw them they don't get to be that way they burned that bridge and they are not to be trusted with anything ever again agreed i would stay far far away from these a-holes the second they get your child alone they will start bashing you to her i promise not the a-hole also i don't want to get too weird here but i'd be worried about kidnapping or at least protracted legal drama over custody of the child these people clearly have no problem taking whatever they want regardless of the law that's not a great omen for how they're likely to behave concerning the kid safety first time to make sure they can't get to her in school at daycare during activities or at home but if op moved from the us to somewhere else these people won't be able to get to them for a long time not the a-hole they told me they would sue me if i didn't i asked them why they were doing this and they told me it was because i wasn't family they told me to never contact them again these lousy jerks don't get to do this to you and then start hounding you once they've discovered that you created a new life with their also precious son you are the pregnancy vessel they can and want to turn your own daughter against you don't let those idiots do it it was just one more thing that they decided they wanted from op they would have done the same thing if they discovered a life insurance payment to op or a hidden savings account that they held together all right guys that's where i'm gonna end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys were able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below uh you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 17,397

Rating: 4.8929048 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: WYsGsWDMNrg

Length: 201min 3sec (12063 seconds)

Published: Fri Jul 31 2020