r/AmiTheA**Hole For Keeping My Brother In The Dark About His REAL PARENTS?

g'day there guys keeps wondering why i bury striking resemblance to my mailman and not my father here back at it again with another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's episode like i love you i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie a like on the video and enjoy today's contents posted by user am i not the a-hole titled am i the a-hole for letting my brother call me dad and refusing to tell him the ugly truth i'm well aware that this story sounds extremely hard to believe and fake and i'm aware that there will be many crap post comments below sorry but this story is 100 true and it's a hot topic of discussion in my family at the moment i was born when my parents were both 19 and my only other brother let's call him josh was born when they were 42 they divorced shortly after josh was introduced to the world he was four months old at the time and they both wanted nothing to do with the child at the time i was 23 and i was living alone with my then girlfriend who was 21 now my wife and i've done my best to convince at least one of them to take care of young josh for his sake and the family's sake but they refused adamantly and said that i should be taking custody of him instead so i became legal guardian of my brother and he has been living with us for the past 12 years and things have been going really smooth for us josh now almost 13 has been calling me dad and my wife mum and our two children four female nine male his siblings and he has absolutely no idea about his real parents and to be honest i let all of that slide he has no idea that i'm really his blood brother and not his father and i'm starting to feel guilty and a little weird some of my uncles and aunts come to visit occasionally and they're really disgusted at the fact that he calls me dad and they're surprised i haven't told him the truth they constantly messaged me talked to me in private and i cannot chat to them without this one particular topic rising up badgering me to let him know already but i refused i discussed this with my wife and she thought it would be wrong to tell him the truth because none of my parents wanted to take care of him and i'm the only person in the world who gave him the father figure everyone deserves i feel that he has the right to know what he is to me and what i truly am to him but he has suffered enough already and i just want things to continue how it is reddit am i the a-hole would i be the a-hole if i let him know the truth updates about 70 of the comments are advising me to tell my son who i really am to him and some are saying sooner than later i've just got up to discuss this with my wife and now after a lot of hesitation we have decided that it's best the truth comes from us and it has to come now right now it's late for us but we shall address this to him first thing this week or even tomorrow thanks guys this is a good topic to discuss with a therapist or a counselor that specializes in adoption related issues my understanding is that it can be very distressing to a child or adult to abruptly find out that they've been adopted most things i have read indicate it's best to let the child know early on that they came from a different mummy's tummy and then went to their mummy and daddy or something along those lines your brother is past that point but you are better off acting on this sooner than later it's better that he find out from you and your wife otherwise eventually someone is going to spill the beans yeah talking to a therapist and counsellor beforehand is excellent advice not the a-hole get a therapist tell the kid and act fast or the relatives will undertake this mission themselves that will be crap hits the fan moment not the a-hole i would actually recommend getting more than one professional opinion i don't think the first professional you speak with would necessarily give you the best advice just the first advice this is something that will impact all of your lives for the rest of your lives and it should be addressed the right way also if you decided not to tell him you need to consider easily available dna tests every year they are getting more and more advanced if your son ever decided to get one in the future even just to find out his lineage it may be advanced enough to let him know that you aren't his biological dad you said that he's suffered enough already but has he being abandoned by your biological parents at four months old is rough but he was also immediately taken in by a loving brother who has raised him with love in a nuclear family complete with siblings maybe all of you were not set up for the easiest lives but you stepped up you are a loving family is the suffering that you speak of all before he was a year old yet he's always been loved by someone you your girlfriend and future wife mother if this is the case he hasn't suffered as much as you have as far as he knows he's been loved his whole life and by the way the older relatives that are griping to you about this may also be the same generation that would raise their daughter's illegitimate love child as their own or allow their parents to do so and never tell them the truth not the a-hole the a-holes are your nosy uncles and aunts you've raised him since he was a baby you are the only paternal and your wife maternal figure that he has known but i think you'll shock him if not turn his world upside down but given your family dynamic it very well might be that these uncles and dance do it because they feel he should know so it might be best if he heard it coming from you he is not the a-hole for allowing him to call him dead but he is mildly a-holish for never ever telling josh what his true parentage is that can do a lot of damage to a kid mentally hopefully op consults a child therapist and works with them to find the best way to tell josh updates am i the a-hole for letting my brother call me dad and refusing to tell him the ugly truth hey guys so many people wanted me to update on my previous post and wanted me to seek professional advice first before i take matters into my own hands apologies if it's long that's what she said um i'll try to make it as detailed as possible while making this shorts i went to my local therapist and told him about my situation and asked what to do to keep it short he said he's heard similar accounts from before and said it's best if i tell him as soon as possible for multiple reasons and to make sure that my buyer children are presents for multiple reasons i asked a few of my closest friends and the majority said more or less the same thing my wife and i decided to sit the kids down and burst the big bubble i asked my brother josh to come closer and i made sure i held him close and made him feel comfortable he asked what's going on but i started by telling us how much we cared and loved for him then told him everything about my parents i put them in a bright light in hopes of a reunion and who i am to him then quickly hugged him and my other two kids together and told him that i love all my children the same and nothing is going to change my love for him he was shocked and asked if i was joking but i was starting to cry a little at this point so he knew that i was serious my buyer children were very surprised too he was in tears and asked me why i didn't tell him sooner i didn't know what to say and said i was just trying to protect you i'm sorry and i hope you can forgive me but unfortunately and understandably he left he didn't talk to me as much again understandably so i continuously offered him to go out to the park and play a bit of football because he loves that and all of his favorite things but he just outright declined and even got a little angry sometimes for me even talking to him i thought i messed up big time until one day while my wife and two children were out doing shopping and we were alone he came up to me and said i know you're not my real father but i want to let you know you're the best dad in the whole world sorry for before i hugged him and things got pretty emotional it would be a big lie to say my house is normal now as it's far from that but things are slowly ever so slowly starting to brighten up there is no longer anything to hide anymore and it feels like we are born again josh is a tough kid and he handled this far better than i believed he would i will be looking into therapy for him to help him recover just in case it doesn't go well in the long run i'll strive to continue to be a great dad to my kids and a great dad to my brother son thank you reddit for pushing me towards this happy ending thank you for all the advice and judgments that i got excluding the rude ones about my uncles and dance eek i love you all and good night lemore just says therapy so he can deal with the future he's going to share this with friends who might not be kind is a great idea and keep being the best dad possible love him never let him be in doubt of that ever your wife is going to have to negotiate this on her end too since he now knows she isn't his biological mother anymore lucky kid your first son someday that will all be very clear to him thanks for the update came here to say this he's going to have a lot of thoughts running through his head now and not know how to express them i'm so glad the op told josh as a child for exactly this reason he will have time now to adjust and work through his feelings it would have been much harder on josh if he found out in the turbulent teenage years and i don't think he would have come around so quickly it's telling that the first thing out of josh's mouth was why didn't you tell me sooner it's feeling like your life is a lie rather than the situation that upsets people the most yeah being a teenager is hard enough being a teenager with all of this on your shoulders off that's going to be hard to deal with he needs more than just family to speak to good on you opie not just for coming clean but for doing so thoughtfully and for stepping up like the adult your biological parents couldn't be you're a good person posted by user cut stepfam titled am i the a-hole for not wanting a relationship with my stepmom and stepsister after my dad died my parents got a divorce when i was six and i haven't seen my mom since cause she was abusive my dad remarried when i was eight my stepmom wasn't abusive but we never clicked she tried to be my new mom right off the bat and i found it weird and she didn't like how i wasn't open to the idea right away she also had a daughter who's one year younger than me we didn't hit it off either don't get me wrong she's totally a fine person but as kids she was the typical brat so i guess it made it hard for us to really bond his kids i guess once i hit my teens i had a rough patch of being rebellious and overall not a good person my dad gave me space like i needed but my stepmom didn't see it that way and we fought a lot because of it my stepsister was all right during our teen years but she got more quiet and kept to herself so we didn't really have any conflict but me and my stepmom didn't hit it off and once i turned 18 i moved out to the first chance i got i am now 24 and my dad sadly passed away with cancer though i didn't get along with my stepmom i never stopped loving my dad and we texted daily when i moved out it was rough on me and i do appreciate my stepmom helping me with the funeral but that was a couple of months ago and i haven't really talked to her since my stepsister has invited me over for christmas and honestly i don't know if i want to go not because i don't like them but because it's the same house that we grew up in and it'll remind me too much of my dad and i'm still grieving i know my stepsister and stepmom are too but god damn it sucks cause i don't know i just want to be left alone for some time to process it because it was only three months ago am i the a-hole if i don't show up to christmas day at my stepmom's place ignore the title asked wrong question damn i was wondering what happened to the am i the a-hole there um no i guess maybe absolutely to them you're an a-hole but i think morally you're not an a-hole if you don't show up to the christmas day uh lunch whatever you guys are up to there celebration i guess christmas day celebration we don't want to open up those wounds again if it's only been three months that's a lot to deal with obviously you can go if you were strong enough to do it but it would be hard it would be a hard day it would be a happy day because it's christmas but it wouldn't be an easy day the emotions would probably make it a sad day that's for sure so i'm gonna go with your not the a-hole you take your time in can take a long time to heal from that large rodent says no a-holes here it was nice of them to include you but you by all means don't have to accept their offer and i'm sorry for your loss if you need an excuse and want to potentially keep the door open in case you change your mind in the future you can say you are still grieving and would rather be alone and opie says i'll say that i don't know what i want yet i could one day feel like i miss and want them but not right now my dad's sister my aunt has been a great mother figure to me once my bio mum left me and my dad so i call her my deaf immediate family dobby dev thinks i think that's a good idea make sure that they know you appreciate the invites but you need space and time right now if in-person interactions are too much for you consider just keeping in touch lightly via sending cards for holidays and birthdays a few times a year like you said one day you might want them in your life even if you are never close with them i would try to keep the doors open without guilting yourself into doing anything that you don't want to no a-holes here no a-holes here i can't tell you who to consider your family but keep in mind that these people presumably cared for you and supported you as a member of their family you don't have to hit it off to be family you just have to be there for each other when in need and dopey says i mean i guess if they ever were in a sticky situation i would help them out because i mean she did raise me even if we did fight a lot this is a good way to think of it you don't seem to have any real need to go non-contact and it's good to leave the door open because as you get a bit older you might find your feelings and the way you see things changes radically thank your stepsister for the invitation but tell her that you've already got plans that leaves you an opening if you ever want to take it i would also keep in mind the possibility that since it sounds like your dad raised your step-sister she probably misses him a lot too so keeping a connection to you is a way to keep a connection to him one day you might find it very comforting to have someone else around who misses him so think about trying to build up a relationship with her separate to your stepmother definitely no a-holes here by the way and op replies yeah i won't cut them out but i don't have a need to really be close with them right now because i'm still deciding and being around them reminds me of him lol my stepsister was definitely just as close with my dad as i was we didn't fight much if at all but one of the big things that we argued over was my dad because i was a kid who thought that she was trying to steal him updates am i the a-hole for not wanting a relationship with my stepmom and stepsister after my dad died i decided not to cut my step-family out of my life my second question was if i was the a-hole if i go or not and people say that it was up to me so i went to my stepmom's place for christmas this was my first time with my stepmom and stepsister without my dad it was super hard because i sat in the seat that he always sat on and i just broke down crying i am forever grateful for both my stepsister and stepmom because we all just had a group hug on her couch while eyeballed my eyes out it ended and we didn't open presents but just talked we had brunch and it went well though i was holding in tears for the whole thing this was the first time i could see they actually do care for me and i care for them they are my family and i didn't stay the night because i definitely couldn't do that but i left around 11 at night this was the first time i ever felt like a full family unit and not the bad kid who fought with my stepmom and just wasn't the nicest to my stepsister i thank them so much for not holding a grudge when i went through my teen rebel phase i hugged them both goodbye and i went home i feel like me giving them a shot and going to my dad's place helped me realize that these are the people who have always been there for me i mean they were the ones who didn't give up on me when i was a troubled teen and i loved them both for it i text my step-sister almost daily now even if it's just a good morning or that i have the day off and i call my stepmom a bit too now but it goes a bit deeper and i have started to really trust her like a mom thank you for all the advice and to not cut them out because it really did help me realize that we are family we have been since i was eight and i love and care for both of them very much also apologies if you hear any like loud noises in the background someone's literally using a flamethrower on a roof outside right now i don't have an explanation for it anyway peter mueller says you sir madam just grew up feels good doesn't it i got closer to my stepmother when i warmed her at a burial in the u.p of michigan while my father was mourning the loss of his parents put the past behind you you want a good grandmother in your kids lives when you have kids i agree i was a bad kid slash brother growing up and i regret that i'm so glad neither of them held that against me and just saw it as a bratty teen once i have kids i think having a good aunt and grandma will be awesome for them posted by user dearthboy1262 titled am i the a-hole parents bought younger sister with serious issues a 25 000 car for christmas while all i got was a damn phone case i've been needing a car for a couple of years and my parents promised one but gave her one instead in my family there were two kids my sister and i and my parents christmas was coming up and i've been wanting a car for about a year now because i've recently gotten my green peas australian thing that you can get when you're older than 18. my parents have mentioned in the past the idea of me paying for half and they'll cover the other half of a car under 10 000 australian dollar dues i can afford this as i've saved most of my money from the two jobs that i've kept since i was 14 so no biggie i've also been relying on mum to drive me to work for the past four years so it was a smart move on their end rather than driving the 30 minutes each way every shift i got my sister has just turned 17 which is when you can get your red peas in australia she's never had a job and has no money saved whatsoever i love her a lot but she's made some questionable decisions towards her future lately but that's a separate story my parents haven't seemed to care as much as they probably should have about these things and they're acting like everything's normal and all good with christmas coming up at the time and my birthday in early january i thought this might be the time my parents get me that car that i've wanted for the last year as they have mentioned this idea for the last couple of months i'm obviously excited the week leading up to christmas wondering what type of car they've bought or what they're looking at i wake up christmas day around 10 am to the sound of my younger sister crying but in a happy way i'm excited for her as she's obviously gotten something she's wanted i walk downstairs and no one's at the christmas tree but a present is there with my name sitting there i'll figure that i'll come back to it after i find my parents i check the front door and it's wide open i walk out to the driveway and see a brand new blue hyundai i30 sitting on the driveway with a big ribbon on the front which is around 25 thousand dollars god they don't stop advertising the bloody high undying ads get the new premium range hyundai shut up you're not as good as toyota alright my sister is at the side of it crying with my parents arms around her i asked who it's for and my parents tell me her i probably could have handled this better but i stormed back into the house closed my door and stayed in there for the rest of the day didn't go with my family to see everyone else for christmas because of how annoyed i was my parents asked me why i did that when they got home so i asked them why they bought her a car before me who's older willing to pay half had a job goes to school and has a stable plan for the future they don't have an answer to that one so they just stay quiet and after a couple of minutes of awkward silence they walk out by this point i had forgotten about the present they left under the tree downstairs so i walked down to open it and it's a new iphone case from ebay something i had no use for i can't get over what they've done am i the a-hole yes screw your parents what's wrong with them she doesn't deserve a brand new hyundai i30 now with the new sports package and top of the range blah blah blah they were going to give you a used one for half of 10 grand yet they give her a new one screw this stupid favoritism what has she done to earn it i'm angry on your behalf op christmas is ruined screw these parents let's burn the house down you know we'll get money out of the insurance benefits from this one for sure uh just say the homeless man down the road did it right we'll go half on this one right i'll buy you a nice uh tesla rp let's go come on not the a-hole dear midnight says some people are gonna comment based on the fact that a new car isn't a gift as teenagers should expect but that's not the issue here the issue is that your parents showed considerable favoritism towards your sister and you don't know why and they won't tell you why that's naturally very upsetting your reaction is totally understandable so understandable that the fact they asked you why you were upset seems a bit strange not the a-hole that's right i couldn't really fathom what they'd done when i woke up but when i thought about it more after storming off i was in total shock at the clear favoritism and financial investment they put into this dropkick of her sister she'll last a couple of months with it before it's a write-off but they'll probably buy her another one because that's what they're like i hope it changes soon but men it really sucks to feel so much less of a human than your sibling not the a-hole my parents tried to be fair and equal but my mom has favored my oldest brother to the point that it's obvious to the rest of the kids he's not a horrible person but is narcissistic and a walking dumpster fire years ago i told her i wasn't going to bail him out financially when she was gone mum no longer has the funds to help him he still asks and i worry whether she will have enough to care for herself till the end of her life if he had repaid all the money she's loaned him she would be fine my brother is getting ready to burn his life down to the ground again and none of the rest of us are willing to help him out your parents are setting your sister up for a life of dependence and not realizing there will be no one to help her when they are gone they are breeding resentment in you toward her you need to inform them that you will not be your sister's keeper this i'm currently facing this my sister is 10 years older than me has nine kids lives at home with mum and has burned every rental place she's ever lived in all of her bad choices my mother drags her out of and at 36 she's still no better she owns nothing lost custody of all her kids and depends on my mother for everything my brother and i saw the way that she has always favored her and how we were put on the back burners and now with financially stable ones with homes and marriages i told my mother i'm no longer helping my sister or her dig her out of her mistakes i'm out of thousands of dollars and it's all for nothing tell your parents how they feel set boundaries and stick to them you can't stay on a sinking ship with them when you can't get in a lifeboat updates for post on situation where sister got twenty five thousand dollar car for christmas while i got a phone case updates so my birthday was the 11th of january my parents were seeming nicer than usual the entire week beforehand which might have been because they had time off work or they had a surprise the outcome was somewhere in the middle of what i was expecting though so on my birthday they told me that they were sorry for buying my sister a car for christmas when i deserved one and really needed it more than her so they told me that they had given me ten thousand dollars to be able to afford something that i'd really like and enjoy taking care of and also drive to and from work to school and uni and everything else the outcome couldn't really have been much better than this one especially since they originally said they'd help me with 5k toward the car that i want so i'm pretty happy with it not going to complain anymore about the situation i just hope they stop the favoritism and obvious extra love and support they give to my sister all the time thanks for all the support on the original post i think we're at around 7.7 000 upvotes as of now which is pretty good and thanks for all the messages with advice on the situation apple of my eye says i'm so sorry that happened to you what was their explanation for why they do something so bone-headed they still haven't really touched on that part yet so i'm not entirely sure it's annoying but i'm happy with the 10k and i'm gonna try and forget about it as much as i can one possibility is that they show favoritism towards your sister because she seems to need more you're the strong independent successful kid while your sister has issues and is a bit of a mess obviously that's still not fair or okay but it may not be an issue of we love her more so much as we think she needs extra help and motivation while you are good to go either way i'm glad this turned out okay and i hope that you get a car that you love thanks for the updates it's so true my mom always said they gave attention to whoever needed it the most at any given time but the other siblings translated that to a measurement of love this was me and my younger sister she always needed a little bit more help than me and my parents always just knew i was the more independent one one time when i was 18 in college and they were still financially supporting me i told them i really needed rain boots to go back and forth to class because the weather there sucked and my shoes were getting soaked they told me it was out of their budget and maybe later the rain boots were definitely a bit nicer around 50 bucks but my parents have always done very well and i definitely live much more frugally now but a good parry figure would last a while two days later my live at home sister recklessly hits a pole with her truck and despite little damage needed a new license plate that got ruined so my mom took her to get a new license plates and then bought her crystal encrusted license plate frames that cost over a hundred bucks now i have never ever flipped at my parents over monetary things and was always raised to be respectful but when my sister told me i remember being like you have got to be freaking kidding me i had never seen my mom go so silent on the phone so quickly before realizing how it was perceived she then sent me rain boots the next day but my sister always got a helping hand before me you need shoes and get a no and she gets a crystal encrusted license plate is this real how enraging also also apologies for the sudden change in energy in the storytelling uh this is the second day i've been recording this post because uh i do that over two days sometimes when i get lazy and the coffee is just hidden something different today so i hope you enjoyed the energy on this one obviously doesn't happen all the time but yeah it was good fun i'll see you in the next one guys bye posted by user southern culture tw titled am i the a-hole for telling my husband that his culture is garbage and i won't compromise by incorporating it into our family life my husband and i live in the u.s northeast where i am from john moved here for work several years ago from the deep south of the us where he grew up raised with christian holidays but never attending church coincidentally shortly before everything hits john's parents and his childhood best friend dan and his wife decided to move here as well this past weekend was the first that us three couples have gathered together since any of us moved here we had a distanced picnic at our house john sat down two to three minutes after i did as he was setting our kid into his pen in the backyard with us dan and my father-in-law immediately started to jokingly rip on him for being whipped and doing my job of parenting our child while he was supposed to be allowed to just catch up with the other two men i was trying to politely deflect when it turned to how mean i was for not fixing him a plate and serving him before serving myself if i thought a certain dish would run out before he got to it or if he had asked me to i of course would have dan and father-in-law continue to brag about how their families do it right where they handle the outside chores while their wives handle the inside chores including the care of dan and his wife's two children i think it's important to note here that both currently live in rented condos that by their nature do not have outdoor chores and both their wives have always worked full time as i do the whole day was kind of wrecked by that start and i was frustrated when john left with dan and father-in-law to go for a walk and left me to do all the clean up alone while also looking after our kid i expected john to apologize when he returned hours later but instead he had a go at me for making him look bad in front of his friend and dad he brought up how a traditional division of labor is a huge part of southern culture and how i was being disrespectful to his background by forcing northern culture onto him and his family he said he's been building up a lot of resentment the past few months that i make him do half the chores in child care since in his culture women do the chores and hands on child care and men do the fun parenting the discipline mow the grass and bring in the cars for oil changes when needed i was stunned but honest and i told him that southern culture is garbage it's bigotry and i lived in john's home state for eight years and i saw how southern hospitality is reserved only for those in your in-group deviate from the norm be like queer non-christian a poc a liberal a non-traditional woman and they turn on you viciously does every single person act like that always no but it's the culture john is livid and says that his culture is just as valid as that of other global regions religions and ethnic groups so i am the bigot by not compromising with him here and incorporating aspects of his culture into our family life the way i would if his culture was islamic or asian or what not i think um john needs to go sit down for a bit i don't know what's going on there i can definitely see why people from that culture as they like to call it would think that she's an a-hole for not conforming to their beliefs or conforming to what they think is the right thing to do in their mindset but coming from my perspective it's a very bad family dynamic there it's not the right thing to do and you would not be an a-hole for rebelling against it and asking for an equal split of chores and not to be looked down on as less than in many ways what you're below me you do this work you know it's your job it is not my job that is to look at someone as less than and it's unacceptable so opie is not the a-hole but i can see why people in that group would think that opie is an a-hole but i believe they're wrong that's my opinion not the a-hole screw that john better knock that sexist crap off or he'll be a single father soon right if i recall paying child support hardly ever seeing your kids and drinking yourself to death is also southern culture john has a lot to look forward to he can be free of pesky northern traditions like 50 50 custody very soon i second what you said southern woman here and i feel it for you so much i have a wonderful husband that would never expect any of that from me he's also from the south but i know for a lot of people that's how it is i would personally go on strike and do nothing until he apologized and agreed to couples therapy i'm about to marry a southern man i've been with for seven years we are each frustrated that the chores we learned as children followed traditional gender roles i.e he's frustrated that he doesn't know how to cook and i'm frustrated that i don't know jack crap about lawn care we are each working to figure these things out we thank each other frequently for household contributions he would never expect me to automatically fix a plate of food for him at a gathering or assume all child care duties if we had kids because although his uprising left out a few things he was raised right opie's husband sounds like a spoiled brat who wasn't raised for the give and take of adulthood and marriage to address the other side of the argument i'm dating a south asian man who has learned to cook since we got together because i made it very clear that not being able to chop onions with confidence did not excuse him from helping i was not prepared to do all the physical and mental work of feeding us for him to do all the washing up he now regularly sends me recipe ideas and the giveaway to his mum that he had got a girlfriend was that he had asked for indian recipes that he had grown up eating if he refused to learn to cook or stuck to his parents gender roles i would have told him to go home and get arranged like his cousins posted by user throw r a way to deter titled am i the a-hole for telling a girl it's not my fault she's overweight so i'm underweight i am a literal twig relatable and have fast metabolism too it's not fun at all because i can eat a whole chicken and barely gain weight and they just eat comments from people get on my nerves so much there is this girl let's call her s i don't really know her a lot but she's friends with someone in our friend group and in our chat s is overweight and very self-conscious she's also very overbearing and loves to argue over the little things so we were video chatting me her and a few other people we were talking about something and then s somehow starts talking about weight s over here says that i'm a twig and asks if i diet because it's going overboard if i do so of course i don't say anything and then s continues and says she wishes she was like me cause i have the easy life at that point my friends told her to stop and she keeps going and asks me if i eat at all sometimes what really made me mad was when she asked if i starved myself or if i had an eating disorder i told her not everyone here gains weight easily and that being skinny and healthy are not the same thing in terms of health and that it's not my fault she's overweight or has slow metabolism that was a low blow but i was so tired of her little comments she started crying and said how she's so self-conscious of her weight and she was just complimenting me then left the coal a few of my friends are on my side but some say that i should not have attacked her in that subject am i the a-hole edit yo i'm a girl edits skinny does not equal healthy mostly also i'm not trying to say fat shaming isn't bad honestly it's worse than skinny shaming in my opinion and i'm lucky that i can eat without getting lots of weight but it's annoying sometimes but i don't think eating disorders are complimenting calling someone a twig isn't either also saying just eat doesn't work either like damn never thought of that hey don't say eat less either just don't skinny and fat shame in general people we are all teens by the way between 16 and 17 years old okay with that extra information 16 and 17 it's pretty much expected territory it's not acceptable but it's much more common than i've seen in adults jesus the amount of bullying that i got for being a twig from the ages of 12 to now my god people are savage um i don't think it's particularly nice to say but if you're being bullied about the exact same subject in my books i give you a free pass to fire back you wouldn't be the a-hole if you fired back i know an eye for an eye makes the world blind but when it comes to this subject i don't care go ahead do what you want fire back if they're gonna attack you for your weight you attack theirs and you show them how it feels because then they can understand how it feels to be attacked for your weight because they're excusing their behavior it sounds like so yeah rp is not the a-hole not the a-hole she was being offensive you only faced it with facts yeah she was really just asking for pushback she shouldn't be mad that she got it her comments were not compliments either right wtf you look like you have an ed it's not a compliment at all and neither is calling someone a twig yeah i don't understand why people crucified others for fat shaming but find it acceptable to slim shame or skinny shame in both cases they're criticizing and shaming your body and not the a-hole not the a-hole she brought it up and was one to stop anything beyond that is her own damn faults as you've said skinny doesn't equal healthy and she has no business trying to judge you on your size not the a-hole she was insulting you and then got mad that you said something back she should have thought through her words better i'd say everyone sucks here honestly she sucks because you shouldn't talk about anyone else's weight unprovoked and she was saying crappy things although i can see as someone who was also overweight how she could think what she was saying was a compliment though that could just be me trying to give the benefit of the doubt it's still her projecting her weight-related self-image issues onto you and is completely tone deaf insulting and self-centered i say you suck also although much much less than s because no one likes being called overweight despite how true there is definitely a stigma associated with it and overweight people already know that they are overweight in the same way you don't appreciate your weight being talked about it was a low blow posted by user professional tax 743 titled would i be the a-hole for not attending my best friend's gay wedding because of my inheritance not one of these ones again long story short and i think i screwed myself here my 29 male best friend 28 male is getting married at the start of october at a smaller gathering at a family friend's banquet hall catered by his family he is obviously gay my mom is extremely homophobic and in poor health at 65 diabetes obesity family history of heart conditions and smoking i'd be very surprised if she made it another election cycle for years she never liked my friends but let it go once i became engaged to my current fiance probably because she thought i might be gay i told her i was going to not only be at the wedding but the best man at the wedding and she flipped out my dad passed away about five years ago and provided very well for us annuity stocks and two property houses rented out and my mom knew the power that has even split with two other brothers i will inherit well over five million her words were if you go to that f word wedding we'll see how much you get unfortunately i told her the date before this point and she'll know where to expect me on that day i've tried to get her to be reasonable but she isn't budging she's been a bitter hateful woman for 60 plus years and she's going out a bitter hateful woman i told my best friend and he is furious with me as is my fiancee we are very well off i'm a pharmacist who hasn't felt the effects of the pandemic at all to be honest and she's a human resource associate we are extremely comfortable and have never stressed over money but we're not millionaires which we could be hmm i asked my best friend if he would consider a long engagement him and his fiancee proposed and planned the wedding inside a year and my mom is not going to last much longer but he isn't concerned beyond you were choosing your homophobic mum over me that line hurt me and i'm just choosing her money right now but even that doesn't seem like it's worth it my fiance has said she knows it's a lot of money but she says that we have six figures in the bank already and my job has no threat of downsizing or phasing out still i would be set for life and take a 10 plus start on my retirements and he is not willing to find a compromise at all not that he should have to at the end of the day would i be the a-hole if i don't attend my best friend's gay wedding edit one honestly the more i typed out my question the more obvious it was i couldn't even spin it to make me not sound like the a-hole yeah for some reason this is voted as everyone sucks here but who's the other party in this one exactly i mean he isn't a-hole for doing it but it's completely up to him if he wants to sacrifice all of these relationships with people for five million dollars a lot of people would do that genuinely a lot of people would do that and that's the unfortunate reality of life a lot of people would accept their judgments and they'd happily walk out with five million possibly breaking a marriage and breaking a lifelong friendship it's oh god so yeah i do think he's the a-hole i think that the mother is the a-hole also for holding those views nothing much else to say no one else sucks besides those two forget about the wedding for a minute your mom has just declared the terms of play until she dies the game will be that she controls your every move you comply and do not object and in exchange you might be wealthy at some undetermined future time she could die tomorrow or she could live another 25 years the really nasty ones seem to hang on much longer than seems reasonable and she might or might not depending on her whim bequeath you five million dollars that is if she hasn't spent it lost it in a scam updated her will improperly or dozens of other reasons beyond your control that the money may or may not even be there are you willing to accept the terms of the game for an opportunity to inherit sounds like an unappealing way to live for years to me but we all have to make our own choices everyone sucks here your mum for proposing the game and you for playing it yes this at op who's to say your mom won't cut you out for another reason in the future and then all you have is a broken long-term friendship and your six-figure bank account to cry into quit counting on money that you aren't guaranteed and be a better friend you're the a-hole yes if you're going to make it a financial transaction seriously force it into a trust on the condition that you don't attend that event don't leave it to chance i don't have enough knowledge to be informed about practical solutions here but i also wonder if opi's brothers or their spouses are in his corner here or are at least resenting being bound by similar constraints could they all discuss this perhaps come to some contingency agreements about dividing the inheritance hell is mommy even mentally competent enough to change her will if her kids all pull whatever evidence they have that indicates that she isn't from a moral standpoint i'd have far fewer reservations about conspiring against this old creep than i would about leaving my best friend at the altar there's a lot of people that are going to pretend they have the moral fortitude to turn down 5 million dollars and call you an a-hole they are being dishonest you're just going to do whatever feels right for yourself here there is no right answer your mom is the a-hole edits i just want to say not the a-hole i also want to add that your gay friend is an a-hole too my friends would all tell me to take the money we just did a poll in our group message seven out of seven people expect seven out of seven people to take the money every time there are a lot of morals i'd compromise for five million dollars hell for five hundred thousand that doesn't mean i wouldn't be an a-hole for doing so this right here it's kind of bananas people are telling him to walk away from it so easy to say when it's not your money still an a-hole but i really can't blame you for it you may lose your friendship over this it's not like money is some kind of frivolity especially during a complete economic collapse if op doesn't need it and he may who knows how secure his job really is who knows what an illness might bury the family in medical bills his best friend very well mites and disowned gay teens who have been victimized by nasty old freaks like opie's mother definitely do if opie is looking for a way to have his morality cake and eat his inheritance too there is your solution not the a-hole if i told my best friend who was gay and was my best man that i was missing his wedding because of a potential five million dollars he would wish me luck and call me after the honeymoon if you can somehow actually afford to pass on 5 million dollars then things change but if your net worth is under 10 million my back of the envelope math for never work again money this seems totally understandable right i feel like my friends would be pretty understanding i'd send a life-sized cardboard cutout of myself then maybe pay off their mortgage lull still suck spending to the will of this evil [ __ ] posted by user am i the a-hole no cheese titled am i the a-hole for forcing my boyfriend to do the dishes i'm lactose intolerant every time i make tacos my boyfriend always makes jokes about how i'm disrespecting mexican culture by not having cheese in my tacos i've told him multiple times i'm not going to give myself the craps just to make him feel better about my friggin tacos he's not even mexican he's white this came to a head last night when we were having tacos again and i got up to the bathroom and when i came back i noticed my taco looked tampered with i go to inspect and lo and behold there's fudging cheese buried beneath the other ingredients i told my boyfriend he was a raging douche canoe and i went to bed leaving him to do the cleanup i still haven't spoken to him all morning and he's complaining about how i forced him to do the dishes because normally i do them am i the a-hole here i i don't even know if he would think you're an a-hole i think he knows exactly what he did i think your actions are justified there i think it was uh you know a nice way to go about it no more no less was a nice way to deal with this situation it didn't make anyone too angry i don't think you're an a-hole for doing what you did it was nice and dark controlled opie you don't want to have to be forced to eat something that's going to give you flatulence or anything else and i don't blame you so you are definitely not the a-hole not the a-hole but is this really the relationship you want to be in do mexicans use cheese and tacos i thought that was a western tradition he tried to make you ill he should be glad you weren't forcing him to clean the toilet after you accidentally ate cheese it is brought to my attention that mexico is geographically in the west sorry to anybody that felt i tried to move them op says i didn't eat any fortunately i saw it before taking a bite opie he literally tried to poison you he put an additive into your food that he knew would cause you physical distress who cares about the dishes although amazing how easily he made himself the victim here the real question is how much do you value your physical safety versus how much you value this relationship if i were you i'd be out of there or kick him out today putting me in physical distress and danger is a red line for me in a relationship and i hope you respect yourself enough to take a really hard look at whether or not this relationship is in your best interests so much this opie you are not the a-hole your boyfriend is an incredibly irresponsible stupid and dangerous person to have in your life he intentionally as other commenters have said poisoned your food you need to get away from this guy quickly as possible not the a-hole your boyfriend is an a-hole and an idiot to boots not all tacos in mexico are eaten with cheese arguably the majority do not have cheese i'm mexican and no mexican tacos don't have cheese quesadillas are kind of tacos with cheese just mentioning quesadillas makes me want quesadillas haven't made them in too long i've told him this before and he doesn't listen if and only if you would like to have cheese with your tacos it is worth knowing that old cheeses generally have very little lactose in them because the lactose has been converted to lactic acid during the aging a hack to tell how much lactose is in cheese is to go to the nutrition facts table and look at sugar the sugar in cheese is lactose so if the number is zero there will be little to no lactose in the cheese your boyfriend tried to poison you why are you still with him today i learned how to figure out lactose content i've realized that better cheese doesn't bother me much and fake cheese will make me erupt like i was jupiter's moon iro posted by user emma genius mourner titled am i the a-hole for rejecting the role of cool aunt because it was really more like unpaid babysitter my sister and i have always been very different growing up she was your stereotypical nerdy geeky girl very into sci-fi fantasy video games etc she bonded a lot with my parents over it because they are the same i always felt kind of different from the others because i'm not very geeky and while i did my best to fit in star wars movies harry potter etc i took my first opportunity to leave the area for school i went to fit and got a degree in fashion design i always loved making my own clothes to frame it one way i made my prom dress from my own pattern and my family smiled politely my sister threw together a harry potter costume and the picture is hanging on the walls well sis had kids a while back i sent polite gifts including a quilt to be handed down sis received them warmly but i found out she doesn't use the quilt because the room is harry potter themed due to the pandemic i ended up moving back closer to home into a condo that i'd been renting out the tenants were not evicted or anything once sis found out she got really excited and started making all kinds of plans i was thrilled because i thought she wanted to spend more time with me except the plans were like i take the kids to the zoo i take them to the park i take them for ice cream the aquarium etc so sis can have some time to herself and relax play video games etc i inquired about when she and i would spend any time together and she actually said it's not like we have anything in common we can do together i was really hurt by this and declined her requests from me to basically babysit her kids she asked me why i didn't want to be the cool aunt and this is where i think i'm the a-hole i said i don't know it's not like i have anything in common with them that we can do together sounds like you want an unpaid babysitter she was shocked and went stomping to mum and dad who immediately took her side and told me that i should be thankful to spend time with the kids i said why it's not like anyone in the family has ever made it a point to spend time with me doing something i'd enjoy she told me that if i'd tried harder to be more like the rest of them instead of chasing popularity and doing my nails maybe i would have more in common with them i'm lost now because on the one hand i don't think i was wrong to decline being a free sitter for my sister but maybe my mom is right and i've been a crappy member of the family because i just couldn't get into the star wars and all that edits i just want to chime in and say that star wars and harry potter are not the only geeky and nerdy things that they like they were just the things that popped into my head i remember back when we were in high school my sister laughed in my face because i didn't enjoy the sabriel books and she told me they were too advanced for me to understand she found me reading the california diaries an offshoot of babysitter's club books and laughed in my face again because they were dumb books for vapid little girls edit two one thing i'm curious about is why so many people are telling me first thing in their comments that they are geeky and nerdy why do you think that makes things different i don't think opie is the a-hole in this situation i feel like the parents and the sister are legitimately gaslighting her for this one and they know what the sister is doing the sister knows what she's doing she doesn't actually want to spend time with op and in a few ways that is heartbreaking and i feel for you i wouldn't want to be used like that especially when they make clear that they don't actually value your time or want to spend time with you that's really upsetting so you're not the a-hole for this one op the rest of them are not the a-hole never the a-hole your sister isn't entitled brat and your parents clearly play favorites just because you're into fashion doesn't mean you chase popularity in the same way that being a geek doesn't stop you from being a brat who craves attention from mummy and daddy you stood your ground and voiced your emotions about how you felt about how they treated you and their response was we didn't try and make an effort with you because your interests didn't match up with ours not only does your sister need a reality check but your parents need to take a good hard look at themselves the whole chasing popularity comment just makes me think that opie's parents never got out of high school and dragged their high school bs on op i read it as the toxic non-geek things a conformist sheeple and bullies real people aren't afraid to admit they love sci-fi and fantasy and comic books which ah i respect my husband's comic book collection hell i personally catalogued and photographed it for insurance but i'm not a vapid barbie girl if i hated game of thrones i did or don't know all of the x-men i don't the parents are participating in some toxic geekdom reverse bullying bullcrap and are exactly the sort of a-holes i dread running into at conventions not the a-hole at least your interests turned into a paying job it's almost like people individually have a wide range of interests and their interests and hobbies don't make them less human and being open to hanging out with people who aren't interested in exactly what you are makes you a better person posted by user sassiskus baseb titled am i the a-hole for grounding my daughter for calling out how my girlfriend talks to waiters ive 47 recently begun dating a woman 33 about a month ago and this week i arranged for her to meet my daughter who's 12. we end up going to a restaurant for lunch my girlfriend does not particularly like interacting with waiters or waitresses especially those at more casual dining places she has had bad experiences with them and feels like they often judge her and other customers on her and their food choices she's also sensitive to entitled attitudes on their parts so whenever she goes out with friends or with me she prefers that someone else place her order for her and does the rest of the interactions with the wait staff like handing them the paid bill asking for utensils and refills etc so when it comes time to order and the waitress is asking my girlfriend what she wants my girlfriend looks directly at me and i order for her my girlfriend wants another fork in the middle of our meal and she asks me to ask the waitress for it this triggers my daughter because the waitress happened to be with an earshot and my daughter starts asking my girlfriend why she refuses to acknowledge wait staff i tell my daughter to be polite but she continues on and says that when the busboy came she could have at least thanked him for taking her soup dish away she then says they will all freaking human beings whatever that means and it came out louder than we all expected and diners nearby stared at us we ended up cutting our meal short because my girlfriend was obviously offended and i drive home with my daughter i told her that this was no way to treat a woman who i love and who i want to be part of our lives i end up grounding her for embarrassing my girlfriend in front of everyone am i the a-hole my daughter is growing up and needs to learn that not everybody approaches situations how she does and that it's ignorant to just write them off as rude or even worse to raise an issue with them about it also i have to add that she claims my girlfriend is so rude and idolizes her late mother who would regularly tip 30 percent yet she is the one who raised her voice in public yeah as someone that worked at mcdonald's for quite a long time i don't agree with her attitude there it is very rude to look on them like that i don't feel like the way she rationalized it is a good way to go about this completely ignoring someone's existence just because you feel like they're judging you it's uh no sorry it doesn't track with me i don't agree with that so she's the a-hole op is the a-hole for enabling it re-doubtable south says you're the a-hole a 12-year-old has better manners than your girlfriend but you're punishing her for it your girlfriend needs to grow the hell up or quit eating at restaurants with weight staff and if that's how your girlfriend treats weight stuff i'd be concerned about how she might treat your daughter other family members or your friends when you are not around the way people treat those who are lower than them like waiters says a lot about who they are opie you're the a-hole for sure if i went out with someone and witnessed this behavior and then heard your explanation for why she behaved that way i would probably never see either of you again the girlfriend sounds crazy no one making three dollars an hour awaiting tables has an entitled attitude or cares about her and her food choices if she doesn't want the help interacting with her she should get contactless delivery at home instead of inflicting her caren-ness on the public the daughter is smart to call out that bs i hope for the daughter's sake this one-month relationship doesn't go much further because we are going to see a lot of am i the a-hole posts from her every single time that she fights with the terrible girlfriend you're the a-hole for grounding her she has a valid point remember that people can't read minds and so your girlfriend's behavior can come off as snobbery even if unintended on her part funny how you're okay with your girlfriend being sensitive to entitled attitudes and yet dismissive of your daughter's feelings especially since your girlfriend is a recent thing and should not take absolute priority over your daughter posted by user for glueip titled am i the a-hole for banning my father from my home because he banned me from his when i was younger when i was 15 my father married a woman i just could not get along with and there was a lot of friction with her daughter as well eventually the fighting got so bad that my father told me that he would exercise his custody at my grandparents house instead effectively banning me from his own home i said thanks but no thanks and stopped seeing him as per the custody schedule he did make attempts to fix our relationship but i wasn't interested we would see each other at family events and we were nice enough to each other but that's it it's now 13 years later and i'm married with a one-year-old his wife has passed away in an accident a few years ago and i'm assuming that he's lonely now but i don't really want to be his backup plan he comes to see my son once a month and i only see him at the park and don't engage with him myself last december he point blank asked me why i never invited him to my home for dinner or why i never accepted his invites to visit him i told him the truth he was very upset but it is the reality of the situation was either ahol no the way he treated you in the past was unacceptable on his behalf he shouldn't have done that to you same situation is lost i don't think that he should have put his wife over you especially at the age of 15 there's going to be a lot of friction there you don't just ban a 15 year old that's struggling with themselves and then struggling with their environment that's just actively damaging to the 15 year old and it's a disgusting act to do there is room for forgiveness in the future obviously but you know i don't think i can blame her for continuing to have that distance from her father if it was bad enough to do that much damage he deserves to know the consequences of it as unfair as some people might see it to be so i don't think they're the a-hole for doing that i think they're still hurting from the rejection of their father that's a really mean thing to do so not the a-hole people keep expecting our sons and daughters to be the bigger person and try to fix the screw-ups our parents did to our relations which is something i do not believe is fair your actions are direct consequences of his and it's his problem to understand and make peace with that this i keep seeing this that some parents have expectations of the children that they would never deliver as parents i know raising a child is difficult but when you make decisions that can last a lifetime maybe you would think twice about it damn thank you for the reply text to my crappy mother who lives a mile from me but didn't invite me to her wedding oh it infuriates me to keep reading these stories of parents who choose their spouse over their kids wtf is wrong with these people i'm angry for every kid that has to go through something like that thank you for caring and caring more than her they have been dating for 20 years and started when he was married to someone else and he ended up divorcing that chick recently after living rent free from my mum for many years she had been an alcoholic for those 20 years and he doesn't believe in alcoholism he justified her driving drunk to work and i stopped talking to her this year after not going to treatment she decides to have a wedding instead on my brother's birthday no family attended codependency is a [ __ ] and i think he just finally married her to take over the house when she offs herself from her addictions oh that got heavy fast not the a-hole he chose his wife and step-daughter over you he deserves to know how that hurts you i don't even care if the dad feels lonely imagine how op felt when the dad chose his new family over him oh my god a grown-ass adult feels a little lonely but kicking a 15 year old kid out of his own house though oh you know that's fine the kid needs to forgive him erp is even trying to facilitate a relationship between his son and his son's grandfather but oh no he's a little distant personally and won't invite him to his house because of something the father did what an a-hole move maybe the father should actually think about this instead of reflexively getting upset lol everyone sucks here but mostly you it seems like you played your fair part in making your home life horrible for everyone which you have never acknowledged it sucks you had to go live with your grandparents but it seems like it wound up being the best solution for everyone and sort of like you didn't leave him with any choice you don't negotiate with terrorists even when that terrorist is your own kid he would have hated and resented you if you had imploded his marriage either by driving his spouse away or convincing him to leave her for the benefit of his caustically angry unpleasant teen just as you would hate and resent someone who did that to your current marriage you are the one who blocked his attempts to regularly see you as a teen and refused his multiple attempts to reconcile if you hadn't it's likely in a few months or so you would have been invited over again and possibly worked your way up to moving back in this feels like a problem of your own making and you really need to go to therapy posted by user violin bow nephew titled am i the a-hole for refusing to pay to repair my girlfriend's via limbo after my nephews broke it throw away because i don't want this tied to my mane my girlfriend is a talented musician she plays multiple instruments and has an angelic voice she has dedicated her life to this excruciating task and it's truly paid off my sister has two boys a ten-year-old and an eight-year-old they are extremely active and love running around which usually ends in a mess being created the boys adore my girlfriend they love everything about her which i find very cute the boys came to stay with me for a day when my sister and my girlfriend are out of town separately the 10 year old is learning the violin and he insists on playing like my girlfriend i thought it would be harmless to bring out my girlfriend's violin for him to play something and to calm his hyperactive self down granted it was slightly too big for him but he was plucking the strings and seemed to know how to use it i had to dash out for an emergency but i was just next door and when i returned after an hour her bow was almost completely frayed i took the violin away and scolded both of them my girlfriend came back home to a frayed bow she was understandably upset and to my surprise even more upset when i told her the entire story she asked me if i would like to pay for the repair or replacement of the via limbo i thought that my sister would have to chalk up the fees because it was her kids my nephews who caused the damage in the first place my girlfriend disagreed and defended my assist in not paying the fees when i prompted her to i keep refusing every time she asks it's not stopping her from practicing either she has a spare bow am i really the a-hole i shouldn't be faulted for someone else's kid's problem edits apparently there were way more problems with the bow than just frayed hairs so i'm paying for the replacement of the bow the bow cost several thousand dollars and was more expensive than i ever imagined i also re-haired her spare bow and discovered that instruments are fudging expensive you could literally buy a second-hand car with that cash she bought a separate place for her small instruments flute violin and guitar and locks it when she's done practicing well i guess going by that opie realizes they are the a-hole for doing so much damage to such expensive instruments if someone has dedicated their life to the craft and mastering it i don't think it's out of the realm of possibility that they're going to drop an insane amount of money to fully pursue that to the highest quality possible and i think opie just was unaware and ignorant of the fact which isn't an excuse just kind of makes their behavior worse but it's good that they fixed the problem when they found out the reality of the situation which is commendable but doesn't make them not the a-hole you're the a-hole holy crap if someone took out my instrument and handed it to a ten-year-old and then left them alone for an hour with it they would never be allowed back in my home again shame on you for failing to see the value of the instrument shame on you for giving it to a child and shame on you for refusing to pay for it edits i'm extremely glad opie has since been forcefully educated on the true value of her instruments and instruments in general i know it's going to blow a hole in your pocket to replace everything but you've done the right thing going forward please don't ever touch or use an instrument without asking it sona holy hell i've been playing music since i was seven first trumpet and then bass guitar i am the proud owner of an early 70s shilk trumpet and in 1978 recon baker 4001 that i bought with my paper out money when i was 14. our instruments particularly when they are somewhat special are a part of our souls you just do not touch them you're the a-hole violinist here you'd be out on your ass do you even comprehend how much practice it takes to get used to the quirks of your instrument and bow violins aren't made at the factory mine is from the 1700s and i've never been able to afford a similar quality bow oh my god and you can't replace them especially from that time period the world was in a little ice age then and the trees grew differently i'm sure someone who actually knows a bit more about the subject will be along shortly for the record idiot boyfriends who think that expensive instruments are simply objects with which hyperactive children can be modified yeah those boyfriends can be very easily replaced posted by user throwaway family trip too titled am i the a-hole for refusing to take my step-sister along on a family trip that my fiancee is paying for i've changed some details because i'm pretty sure my step-sister uses reddit when i was 11 my mom married my step-dad who also had a thirteen-year-old daughter for the purpose of this post we'll call her emma me and emma have never gotten along when i was 22 i finally went to no contact with her the straw that finally broke the camel's back was when she gleefully announced she was pregnant with my then fiance on christmas day that was honestly one of the worst times in my life and it took me a really long time to recover from the betrayal emma ended up marrying my ex and they have a little boy together i'm currently 28 and engaged to a wonderful man who is a lot better than my ex ever was emma and my ex ended up divorcing after three years and she now lives with my mum and stepdad my fiance has family in italy who he'd like me and my parents to meet before the wedding the original plan was to go this summer but obviously with a pandemic our plans got put on hold i was discussing the plans to reschedule for next year with my mom recently and she asked me if i was going to invite emma and her son along i told her i wasn't and she asked me to reconsider because she didn't think my stepdad would come otherwise that's fine with me it's really my mum and dad that my fiance wants to introduce to his family she argued emma has matured since becoming a mum and getting divorced and that she wants to attempt to have a relationship with me when i told her i wasn't interested she said i was putting her in an awkward position and that i was taking my half-sister and stepbrother on my dad's side so she felt like i was favoring him my step-brother is literally the person who introduced me to my fiance and my half sister and i are close she also said it's unfair because emma could never afford a trip like this on her own and my nephew would be the one to miss out on top of bonding time with his cousins she asked me to reconsider before she left and is only replied to my texts to ask if i'd changed my mind i'm starting to feel guilty because i know mine and emma's dislike for one another has put a massive strain on my mum's marriage and it's not fair to her my mom's sisters have also called me to ask me to change my mind i'm starting to worry my mum might not come either with how cold that she's being my full sister has also reached out and told me that emma had been going to therapy and has realized what she did was horrible and that i should consider forgiving her because she was going through a lot of her own issues depression low self-esteem at the time and that my ex also made her suffer a lot too realistically if she came on the trip i could just avoid her the entire time but i also don't know if she's changed or if she'll start up her old tricks again my fiancee is also the one paying for the trip and i selfishly don't want him to pay for her am i the a-hole edits i've read all of the comments but i have around 900-plus unread messages so i thought i'd just answer some of the questions being asked repeatedly here 1. did emma ever apologize no 2. why are you taking your entire family to italy my fiance wants to give our families the chance to get to know one another and he hopes that they'll be as close as his parents families are also he thinks i'll be more comfortable with my family there as well instead of being thrown in the deep end with all of his family in a foreign country also our parents have already met this is to meet his extended family grandparents aunts uncles cousins 3. does your fiance know and what's his opinion he knows i moved in with my dad shortly after everything went down and my fiance was already close friends with my stepbrother so he used to hang out at my dad's place a lot so he saw the whole aftermath he thinks the request is ridiculous but he said that he won't make the decision for me my mom hasn't actually asked him despite threatening to but he has made it clear he will make sure that she knows he doesn't want my stepsister there four why won't and can't your mum just come on her own this is just an assumption but i think she doesn't want to face my dad alone they haven't had the best relationship after everything that went down 5. can't your stepdad and mom pay for her and you just don't invite her to the family events in theory yes but we'll be staying with my fiance's family so this may raise uncomfortable questions if they want to get her a hotel and just not interact with my fiance's family the whole time that's fine with me also thank you for the awards leekind92 says not the a-hole why should your fiance pay for her trip if you don't want her there in the first place maybe someone should consider your feelings not just hers this right here seems like everyone else is more concerned about how she's feeling like it's so hard on her realizing what an a-hole she was to you so forgive her guess what it also must have sucked for you hard not the a-hole if the step-sister has changed so much and she has a better grasp on the hurt she caused opie then she should respect opie's boundaries and not want to cause further pain this is about a free holiday if opi's mom chooses not to come that is entirely on her why can she maintain a relationship with her stepsister when she did something so awful but she would sacrifice her relationship with her daughter over a funded holiday this stinks and if the stepsister has really turned over a new leaf how come the stepsister hasn't apologized directly i don't think she's changed this hit me as well if emma has realized that she has wronged the op why hasn't she apologized this sounds like the stepsister is complaining about the op to others and possibly about how it isn't fair rather than taking responsibility or really changing not only has she not apologized but she coincidentally only changed once a free vacation was on the table yup that's exactly what happens rp needs to start responding to every mention of stepsister with i'm sorry you feel that way not the a-hole if she has changed so much why hasn't she reached out to you herself if you choose to build a relationship with her then that can be done at home she doesn't need a holiday paid for to do that if your mom puts you in an awkward situation and won't choose to come along then i would just leave her behind apart from it being totally understandable why you don't want her there i'm also shocked at the sense of entitlement from your mother regarding getting your fiance to pay for her and her son to go because they couldn't afford it themselves yup hard to forgive someone who hasn't apologized why does everyone expect that the first interaction in six years would be opie's invitation to an expensive international trip absolutely ridiculous posted by user frustratedhusband88 titled am i the a-hole for asking my wife to stop bringing her autistic friend over so much two years ago my wife got talking to a woman online in a random facebook group they both noticed they had the same breed of dog and got talking turns out we live 30 minutes from her i didn't think anything of it but after six months they decided to meet up by this point my wife knew her friend was autistic and her friend said she'd have to bring her mom with her to meet up until she felt more comfortable i didn't think anything of the fact that she was autistic and thought they wouldn't meet up again but i was wrong since then they meet up at least once a week and at least four times a month she comes to our house when i first met her it felt like she didn't like me as she wouldn't laugh at jokes avoided eye contact and just seemed distant i told my wife this after her friend had left and she basically said well duh she's autistic go read up on it i thought things would get better as time went on but it hasn't i feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house and i honestly don't see what my wife sees in her as a friend when they go out together everything has to be pre-planned days in advance my wife calls ahead to restaurants to ask them if it's possible to turn the music down and she takes days off work to take her to doctor's appointments when i hear them laughing it's usually it's something that isn't even funny and just odd to laugh at all i want is my house back i work hard and want to come home and relax at the end of the day but she's often here until 10 pm on the days that she's over and even worse she sleeps over occasionally i've asked my wife for them to meet at a friend's house instead but apparently her friend isn't comfortable with anyone but her mom in her home yet she thinks it's perfectly acceptable to make herself at home in my home my wife said she's getting sick of my complaining and i should just go out for a bit or to my parents house on those days if it's such a big deal um he's just denying the realities of autism i don't think he's ever like has he not ever met up and hung out with someone that has autism that doesn't make any sense you're being such a douchebag hero p that's so insensitive of you although i do give props to you for bringing those opinions and thoughts online and at least putting it into words and trying to find a solution to the problem i can't particularly hate on you for that it's good that you did reach out and give us your honest truth because you can only change when you bring those feelings to light and you're given a different opinion and you see what it's like on the other side so yes you're the a-hole in this situation but it's good that it seems like you're here to take on change you're the a-hole it sounds like your wife has a perfectly normal friendship and you're just annoyed at the minor inconveniences it causes you seriously if it bothers him so much he can just go into another room and leave them alone but then he's the one having to compromise and how is that fair it's his house after all apparently his wife just lives there op says i feel awkward and uncomfortable the whole time she's in my house welcome to how the neurodivergent feel the whole time they're in any building and that part about her coming over four times a month you mean the whopping four days a month max that she comes over you're the a-hole dude grow up no kidding i'm autistic op you know what makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable people who can't accept that i'm different and seem to find it offensive for some reason your wife has a good friend who she gets along well with your wife is also showing she's a compassionate and awesome friend in how she's willing to work with her friends to make sure she is comfortable also have you never had a friendship where you just laugh at things that aren't funny just because you're having fun and enjoying the company if not that's a shame it sounds like your wife and her friend get along great and have an awesome friendship i'm not gonna lie i'm a little jealous is it possible maybe you are too this makes me sad being autistic i love going to friends houses because i'm not trying to be normal and can just relax i have now opened my home to my boyfriend most of my close friends and my mom there's a reason i have like five friends because they just do not care that i'm weird opie sounds like a complete drag who obviously doesn't understand friendship me and my bestie just yesterday were absolutely crying over an alien balloon gone wrong that really shouldn't have been funny enough to have me snorting my dinner out of my nose i really hope op comes around because i know i've felt when people are awkward around me and it sure as hell gets me nervous here's the photo if you want to see it someone posted it it's uh it's an epic meme thank you posted by user barclay what the hell is that name titled am i the a-hole for forcing my girlfriends to get an abortion i 24 male had been dating my girlfriend amy 24 female for two-ish years we didn't live together but were in the same complex i lived with my old college roommate and amy lived with an old girlfriend of mine in high school good terms i had plans on proposing in the near future and got a ring from her roommate for sizing before i could propose amy told me she was pregnant i was happy because we both wanted kids shortly after getting married anyways i was in a good spot financially and we both had good jobs we had a deep talk about it and she was planning to keep the child and being a family i went engagement ring shopping the next day and ordered the ring two or three weeks later she told me she got the abortion because she didn't feel ready and wanted to advance her career first i was upset but understood i was mentally invested in our future family for a few weeks we had talked about it during this time but i feel like amy flipped the switch on me when we could have talked more about her decision i didn't show any hate towards her but she could tell i was upset some time passed and she asked me what was wrong and i told her we could have been a happy family before i left that day i knew that it was over then we fizzled out in a few weeks and i ended it it really came down to her flipping from keeping the baby to getting the abortion without telling me a few weeks after it ended amy showed up at my door upset at me saying i forced her into an abortion her roommate slashed my old girlfriend had told her about my family's money when she told her about the abortion in short my family is wealthy and i could just not work i choose to live my life without their money for now a kind of i want to be my own man thing but i'm on good terms with them amy basically told me that she got the abortion because we weren't financially set i didn't agree with that at all even without my family's money i do very well for myself i didn't live a cheap life and always paid for everything including international vacations she also knew my salary i never told her about my family money because i saw how money affected my siblings relationships before i had planned to tell her after the proposal when we talked about wedding costs and thinking it would be a you can have your dream wedding not worry about money do what makes you happy if that's working or being a stay-at-home mum but amy just went ahead with the abortion without telling me if she told me she wanted the abortion because of financials i would have told her right then but she got it done after weeks about us talking about raising the child together amy basically blamed me for the abortion saying i should have told her about my family money before i told her about my plan to tell her when i proposed but she got the abortion after telling me she wanted to keep the baby and there was nothing i could do she wanted to get back together but in short i didn't think it would ever work so am i the a-hole for not revealing my family wealth to amy and forcing her into an abortion this was seven years ago now just thought i'd throw it out there when i read a similar-ish story god that's that's actually a genuinely hard situation and it could have gone so many different ways but it went the worst way possible it seems the biggest mistake here was the lack of communication on her ends and the miscommunication it seems i don't know why she took that step to abort the baby without telling you honestly it's her right she's able to do that it just was the wrong move in this situation unfortunately and it toppled the entire relationship and this isn't at all to say that it was the wrong thing for her to do absolutely you know for her it was the best thing because she was worried about the future and in a time of duress you're gonna make decisions you're gonna make them smart and you're gonna do it i don't know if this is a when someone shows their true face you believe them situation i'm not particularly convinced she's in it for the money just because she realized oh i screwed up i need to fix this mistake i didn't know why i did this and go go go but the fact that he didn't tell her about the family money straight after she said that they were struggling with financials kind of speaks a bit of volume about how he perceives the girlfriend so maybe she was in it for the money i don't know that's my outside looking in perspective and i think he made the right decision overall and i don't think it's worth going back in to that relationship so not the a-hole your family's wealth is none of her business especially if you're not participating in the distribution of that wealth you played no part in her decision to get an abortion and it's possible that she regrets getting one in general now and is trying to deflect the blame edits rereading this it sounds like her interests changed only when she discovered your family was well off she's a gold digger and you dodged a bullet ding ding ding she didn't explain until hearing about the cash that she missed out on not the a-hole it's not too late to buy her a shovel as a parting gift you know for her future gold digging jesus i thought you were going somewhere completely different with that shovel jerk like my heart sank midway through that sentence lol not the a-hole how can you force someone into doing something when you didn't know they were going to do it in the first place er it's bs probably wanted him back or wanted the family money by telling them that it's his fault how could you not tell me you had money let's get back together and try for another one i still love you baby the baby wasn't yours and wanted to spare you the pain of raising it so really i did this all for you because i love you so much especially now that i found out how wealthy your family is but that doesn't really matter to me i swear posted by user throwaway 789072 titled am i the a-hole for prohibiting my mother from seeing my child because she's tricked him into thinking she's his mom throw away to avoid anyone recognizing me i have a now three-year-old son who was living with my mum his grandma for a year while i was getting myself together for personal reasons i will not explain why i was away for so long but i felt i needed to better myself for my son my mother agreed to take care of him while i was away i facetimed with him whenever i could fast forward to last month i come to my mother's house to pick up my son he's happy to see me and my mother are talking while he's playing with his dinosaurs he suddenly looks up to my mother and says mommy i'm thirsty i was obviously confused and asked my mother if she heard him call her mom she laughed nervously and said that he'd been calling her that for a while she basically explained that while i was away she told him that she was his mom and to call her that i laughed and told her that i wasn't comfortable with that since she wasn't the one who birthed him i told her he should know that she's his grandma not his mum she got upset and told me that he needed a mother figure while i was gone and she was just trying to fill that role for him she said something along the lines of i've been his mother for a year now and you can't change it we went back and forth until it got to the point where we started raising our voices she spat out some insults about me being a bad mum for being away for so long and how she should be his mum because he doesn't need a mom like me i simply told her that she isn't going to be seeing him anymore because i'm not comfortable with him calling her mom we gathered his stuff and left after that she blew up my phone for days talked some mess to family members anything she could do to make me look and feel bad but i refused to forgive her especially after all that stuff that she said am i the a-hole and for those of you saying that i abandoned him i didn't i was too sick to take care of him that's all i'm gonna say about that i couldn't be the best mother to him because of my medical issues i wanted to be there for him i didn't just dump him on my mother i feel the need to explain that because people are getting the wrong idea it was possible for him to visit but my mom said it would be best if he didn't see me like that because he'd be too young to understand and i trusted her so i didn't allow him to visit no i wasn't in a mental hospital or rehab it was physical health reasons a lot of you are saying you think i was in rehab because of the way i've worded things in my post rather than edit out the original i'd like to explain that it's probably not the best wedding to use for this situation and i understand that now what i meant to say was i felt i needed to be in better health for my son getting myself together in my head pretty much means getting better and healthier i apologize for that this will probably be my last edit my son is getting a therapist like a lot of you have recommended and i'm considering working things out with my mother only because i don't want her fighting for custody still unsure though this is a really really messy situation and i don't know if there is a really definite answer that we can get here but the big sticking point for this one is the mother refusing to change her stance with the son i know it would be confusing but he needs to learn the difference as early on as possible that's my view on it he needs to change her back to grandmother and dopey needs to go back to being mother and i think she's doing a disservice to the entire family for continuing to be hard on being a mother i think opie is going about it the wrong way also by being so combative but i don't know what other choice they really have in this situation and i think everyone does suck here but it's so hard that i don't know what the solution is everyone sucks here grandma could have easily clarified to your son what her relationship is and being a mother figure doesn't mean that she has to be called mum however you clearly are aware that you have some issues that you had to work out and your mum did something big for agreeing to help raise your kid you are now cutting him off from an important person in his life for the last year since the two adults can't work out their issues the two of you need to talk to figure this out and dig into the larger issues maybe even with some counselling or outside help some kids on their own use that word without being told because they want a mom not sure if you have kids but my stepdaughter calls me mum even though she has a mother who's absent i am a mother to her and she's my daughter i would never tell her to do something she isn't comfortable with i was actually thinking of including that like when we all inevitably call a teacher mom at school op may need to provide more info about whether or not the son started calling grandma mum spontaneously or if grandma insisted on being called mom worthwhile discussion point to add i have to wonder what people's responses would be if say you were away for a year serving your country or working long periods traveling to support your son and your mum pulled this move people don't think mental illness is a real thing until it's theirs this it's appalling the number of people who jump on the you're a drug addict then proceed to invalidate anything else she said the op and her son need time and space to recover from her manipulative mum even if she was getting over a drug addiction she took time to better herself so she could be there for her son i don't understand the amount of people saying everyone sucks here the secrecy does not imply stigma it implies secrecy i hope you're in therapy and your son has someone to talk to too by a professional who deals with children you were away part of his life and now you're taking him away from someone who has been raising him for a third of his life whether justified or not the abandonment issues are there posted by user girls ask guys and none titled am i the a-hole for telling my boyfriend i'm not going to his vacation spot so i definitely feel like the a-hole so i need some clarification i'm 28 female and i have two kids my boyfriend 28 male and i have been together for four years and my kids are not his throughout this relationship i have been included in all of his family functions i have a really good relationship with them and i dove in head first because my family lives out of state and i craved quote unquote family my mother and sister 16 female moved back to our home state last year and met my boyfriend for the first time they butt heads almost immediately because both of them think they are right about absolutely everything even when they are both wrong so needless to say i was only able to see my mother twice while she was here in between working like crazy and trying to work around schedules on top of fighting with both my boyfriend and her because they hate each other it was bloody exhausting after eight months my mum moved away again so i have a week's vacation coming up and my boyfriend and i had no plans i have more than enough money in my savings and i told him i wanted to drive out to indiana with my kids to go see my mum for the week he gave me a sideways glance and didn't say anything i was dead set on it though because i'm going through some crap and i need my mom so i started planning well my boyfriend came up to me last night with his phone in hand and starts talking about all of us going to seattle during my vacation he lived there up until two months prior to bus meeting and wants to go back he's been trying to convince me to uproot my life and move there for several months now and basically says that our relationship is about compromise so i should compromise and move so i reminded him that i'm going to my mother's he got mad and said that it wasn't set in stone and that i didn't even bother asking him if he was okay with it i asked him why he wouldn't be okay with me going to see my mum knowing i need her and he said it's not even that you made plans to go on your vacation without me when we barely even see each other now so you want to take the only week you have off and just ditch me here while you leave how is that fair so i told him he could go with me and he's like no absolutely not i'm not staying with your over-opinionated mother for a week so i said i guess it settled then he said good and instantly started showing me pictures of seattle again so i turned to him and said just so we're clear i meant it was settled as in i'm going to see my mother with or without you i'm not going to seattle he called me a fudging a-hole for not taking his feelings into consideration and went to hang out with his brother am i the a-hole this is another one of those sticky situations i guess both of you guys suck here for not genuinely compromising with each other and finding a solution to this one i can understand why he's upset because he feels as though you're not spending as much time with him and you seem to back that opinion of his and you agree with him but instead of both of you guys coming to an agreement to spend more time together you try to shoehorn two different situations that both of you don't want to do together that's not healthy that's not a good relationship dynamic and i don't think that you guys are going about this the right way both of you are a-holes for being so stone-headed everyone sucks here you didn't plan a vacation you decided to use your only vacation time to see a family that's fine but don't frame it as we're going on vacation and expect him to be thrilled to tag along during your visit with your mother with whom he clearly does not get along if you in fact were planning a vacation he should have been included in the discussion but it seems like at this point both of you are trying to push your own agendas on the other under the pretense of a vacation you are absolutely right i guess i completely resent the fact that he made it so it was impossible to see my mom when she was here due to his own hard feelings on her and stripped me and my kids away from any family time we could have gotten all the while expecting me to up and go at the drop of a hat to go see his so at that point i didn't care that he didn't want me to go it's my mum and i shouldn't need his permission especially when i asked his permission while she was here and he did everything in his power to keep me from her i do feel bad i just don't feel bad enough to not go see her which probably makes me an a-hole genuine question if you feel he was completely in the wrong about the entire thing why are you guys still together i'm only asking because from reading the post i thought your boyfriend didn't want to be around your mom because she was rude to him but from this comment it sounds like he was just unreasonably preventing you from seeing your mom he just strives for control and he doesn't want to do anything unless it's his decision for instance i wanted to bring my kids to a water park and he said no made some excuses though i can't remember what however two days later he comes walking into the room and was like hey kids who wants to go to the water park it's just that basically everything has to be on his terms you're going to need a lot of feedback about that being signs of an abusive relationship definitely not the a-hole you may want to reconsider yourself with him if he's claiming a major move like that should be done because compromise right how is her giving in and moving a compromise there is no compromise in his situation that's her sacrificing and him getting what he wants not the a-hole but what you're describing is the early stages of an abusive relationship trying to isolate you control where you go and emotionally manipulate you by insisting that you need to ask permission compromise by giving in and doing what he wants basically this is red flag city info was your boyfriend involved in deciding to go see your mum or was it settled before he even got a say i originally told him i wanted to and he just looked at me but wouldn't say anything he turned away from me and started playing on his computer and gave me the cold shoulder for like an hour after that is when i decided i definitely was going it was later on decided that he all of a sudden wanted to go to seattle i know the dating scene when you're a single mom is pretty rough but even so i know you can do better than this guy he doesn't even seem to have matured emotionally since middle school also it sounds like you have a pretty good relationship with your mom the fact that they hate each other does not bode well for your future together is your mum usually quick to judge your partners harshly or is this a new thing if you trust her ability to judge character trust her now and don't bring him to indiana with you he'll just ruin it and it sounds like you could use some quality time away from him okay from all that extra information and other people's opinions on this i think it's clear to me now i'm going to change my consideration to not the a-hole for this one it does reek of an early abusive relationship popping up and him having major control issues posted by user no needleworker titled am i the a-hole for forcing my stepfather to call me sir or missed a last name since he works for me and i require my other employees to do it i own my own business and one of my rules is that my employees have to either call me sir or use my last name they are not allowed to call me by my first name i'm not old by any means but this was always the rule when i was coming up and i think it's a good rule especially since a lot of people in the workforce today don't know how to behave and take advantage of the freedoms they are given my mother and stepfather came to me recently and asked me if i could find work for my stepfather i usually don't hire family or friends it is asking for trouble in my opinion but i made an exception this time because of their financial situation i did mention my rule to him when he had orientation but either he wasn't paying attention or decided not to follow it and ended up calling me by my first name that didn't bother me because sometimes new employees make mistakes i politely pulled him aside and reminded him of the rule he said he understood and it wouldn't happen again except it did i gave him another polite reminder but that didn't work either that is when i gave him a warning that still didn't work so i had a meeting with him and told him point blank that this was becoming a problem and if he couldn't follow my workplace rules i would have to fire him we had an argument about this he feels disrespected by me since he's older and my stepfather and doesn't think i should enforce the rule in his case i told him tough luck but that's not how it goes i don't make exceptions the rules are the rules and they apply to anyone who works for me if my wife worked for me she would follow the same rules if one of my children did the story would be the same as a little backstory this previously was my dad's business and before that my grandads when i was in a junior position i had to follow the rule with them so i have gone through it all myself i'm not asking anyone to do something i wouldn't do he told my mother about our conversation and she begged me to be more understanding and to show him mercy her view is that he is an older man with a lot of pride and i humiliated him she thinks it wouldn't hurt to make an exception this one time but i strongly disagree if i make an exception for him the rule loses its meaning and i would be playing favorites i told her there would be no exceptions and financial difficulties or not if he makes the mistake again he will be fired i discussed this with my wife too and she sided with my mother she thinks i'm being too much of an authoritarian possibly to both my stepfather and my employees but i disagree with her i treat them fairly and have never received a complaint by anyone who has worked for me everything i have done seems fair to me but my family thinks i am the a-hole yeah i'm just thinking the whole time this is like dwight from the office it's just like you will refer to me as mr schrute me and the boys back on schrute farms i always refer to my grandfather as uh schrute senior and yeah it's just some big old fantasy i don't get why he wants to be so hard on it like that he's using his position as leverage over his own family which i guess you know that family was lucky to be hired in the first place because a lot of people wouldn't hire but yeah it's just reeks of entitlements and abusive power and i don't like what opie is doing i think he's completely an a-hole for doing it and really he should just stamp out that behavior and stop so you're the a-hole not the a-hole for enforcing a company-wide rule you're the a-hole for making people call you sir or mr dickbrain or whatever if a boss told me that's what the job took i would keep calling them by their first name or if this was at an interview i would laugh in your face and walk out you do realize that this is peak arrogance like i have no respect for you just because you demand it you suck wait i'm seriously curious isn't it normal to call your boss by their last name where i'm from no one would even think about calling their boss by their first name i mean sure no employer ever told me to call them by their last name during an interview but only because it's totally obvious anyway i mean if you greet potential employers at the beginning of the interview are you using their first name i'm confused not sure where you're from but in australia we call our boss by their first name we're all equals here we just have different roles to play in the success of the business yep that's the one i'm also australian and yep same i'm considered formal in that i don't call my boss or his boss by their nicknames it might come off as a little stilted but as a mid-20s woman calling men in their 50s and 60s by their nicknames seems weird otherwise though we're a team we have goals as a team and my job is to achieve those goals not stroke their egos the nickname thing is something i struggle with too i'm aussie and 30 and get along with both of my bosses on internal calls they often use nicknames and i'm only recently jumping on the bandwagon but not often mostly because i struggle to call people by any name other than what they are introduced to me as a lot of people at work call me either laws or my full name still doesn't bother me in the slightest oh name's mama luz that's his sick name you're the a-hole yikes just your first paragraph cringe i bet they have all sorts of names for you yeah i stopped reading after the first paragraph you're the a-hole definitely it makes me feel for not just their stepfather but anyone who comes into contact with them posted by user throw ras sandy titled am i the a-hole for publicly shaming my boyfriend for his weight yes i know the title sounds bad when i started dating my boyfriend two years ago he was slim and fit now he is far from that he weighs about 17 stone 240 pounds at 5 foot 10. i'm not very attracted to him at this point but we stay together because we get along well and we care for each other a lot we haven't had sex in maybe four months and he doesn't even try anymore he gained one and a half stone in quarantine i'd have sex with him if he lost at least two stone but he can't even be bothered to do that it's frustrating and embarrassing for me i'm into fitness and i want a partner that at least looks somewhat healthy i know this sounds mean but his body really disgusts me i tried to make healthy meals for him and he eats them but then he just eats more later he drinks beer a lot too which doesn't help his eating habits are terrible i know he's extremely insecure and hates how he looks so i decided i had to play on that the only way his behavior seems to change is when he is shamed so i've started bringing up his weight in public because bringing it up in private doesn't seem to do anything we went out for dinner with friends and he was going to get some high calorie dish and i commented but what about your diet i brought up the amount of calories in the food and listed off everything else he had eaten that day in a joking way so that everyone laughed he laughed along but i knew he would be hurt and he ended up choosing a low calorie option he later told me how humiliated that made him feel and said that i made him feel disgusting i said he wasn't disgusting but his weight and the amount he eats is and if he doesn't want to change i can't force him but that won't stop me from talking about it he then said he was trying to lose weight and i just rolled my eyes because clearly he wasn't after that i started commenting on his weight and what he's eating most times we went out and he became even more ashamed he tries to hide his body from me now last week he started water fasting where you don't eat and only drink water and he has lost weight so clearly me speaking to him finally worked i wish i didn't have to do this but i only did it because i care about his health and speaking nicely wasn't working i felt like i had no other option i know i hurt his self-esteem but once he loses weight i will be sure to praise him and say he looks good so he feels better about himself again am i the a-hole for doing this i feel slightly bad but i know my intentions were good and i'm pretty sure he will be better off for it yes you're the a-hole for doing this he's not seeing your intentions he's seeing your actions and it's just coming off as very malicious this is not a healthy relationship dynamic between the both of you op and i think you know that but you're continuing to do so um don't know why you're still in the relationship if you continue to torment him but that's your choice i wouldn't do this if i were you you are the a-hole edits okay i get it i'm the most evil person ever i'm going to apologize to him but i'm not going to break up with him over this unless he wants to mods can i lock this post edits 21 hours after posting um okay this blew up not really sure what i can say guess i'm the most hated person on this subreddit ever i know i was wrong to go about things in the way i did i'll try and get him to diet in a healthier way and if he gives up on it i will have to break up with him because manipulating your partner is bad even if you did it in their best interest by the way don't bother messaging me hate i won't respond you're the a-hole hugely so also i'm into fitness no you aren't if you were you wouldn't be pressuring your boyfriend into an unhealthy crash diet this is about your shallowness nothing more you don't care one bit about his health physical or mental yeah opie is abusing him poor dude yeah opie should leave him so the guy can lose some toxic waste you're not gross it's just your body is gross yikes the boyfriend is literally starving himself while spiraling into a crater of self-hatred and opie is celebrating she tacks on the obligatory health concern line right at the end having seemingly forgotten her opening paragraph about needing to burn someone's swole worst of all she won't even do the decent thing and dump him so he can find someone who actually loves him i wish i could reach out through the internet find this guy and give him a bear hug if you happen to find this post you deserve so much better dude next time pick a partner who builds you up not tears you down and at the end she says don't worry when he starts looking attractive to me again i'll give him praise and validation like she's just training a dog or something jesus you can see how the op is with the edits not really accepting or understanding just okay i get it do you opie truly they say i'm going to apologize to him he really needs more than this understanding aid from therapy doctor's visits etc the boyfriend is starving for the op but i'm not going to break up with him over this unless he wants to not even recognizing the damage is the boyfriend in a position to be healthy enough to break it off no the op pressures and manipulates the opie is horrible and i hope the boyfriend can realize this reading this post could help more than whatever apology is cobbled together opie you're the a-hole and somehow do you truly care posted by user daisychained89 titled am i the a-hole telling my parents to pay me back my college tuition if they want a relationship i was raised by parents who believed religiously and just culturally in rigid gender roles dad should work mom should stay home with the kids and i'm the only girl and have three brothers because of their expectation i'd stay home with kids they never valued my education educational achievements or emphasized things beyond domestic skills i'm the second youngest and by the time i was in high school my two older brothers had gone to the college of their choice with my parents fully covering tuition books and off-campus apartments and other living expenses they eventually did the same for my younger brother i was told i wasn't allowed to apply for college i did so in secrets and got accepted with a partial scholarship i didn't tell them i was moving out until a week before i left with essentially nothing but what a few friends gave to me that their parents bought them for college i took engineering and had to work take on debt and struggle my parents and i have barely spoken for years i'm married now and expecting our first child and they asked to meet up we met at a park and they said they were sorry if they caused me pain but would like a relationship now i asked them specifically what they were sorry for they wouldn't elaborate and just said they wanted to move forward i said that wasn't sufficient in the end i said they could prove they were sorry by forwarding me the 100 000 my degree and college expenses were just like they did for my brothers my mum burst into tears my dad said i wasn't being serious and i just left since then i've been getting calls from my brothers telling me i'm being immature and hurtful and i don't think so at all so am i the a-hole no that is heartbreaking what you've gone through they won't admit to you what they did wrong they're not genuinely sorry they just want you to forgive them and move forward and they're not going to give you any reparations for what they've done that's just unacceptable the abuse continues in this instance and i don't blame you for cutting them off the brothers are brainwashed it seems by these parents and it doesn't seem like they actually care about the effects these parents have had on you screw them screw the parents screw that family they need more time to think about what they've done god speed opie not the a-hole helen dangnation says not the a-hole high from another engineer from her family filled with rage that she has all the talent that the boy was never up to as far as i can see your answer to them was perfect it was very fair and if they have fixed their appalling bigotry issues they would be falling all over themselves begging you to take the money since they clearly have not fixed their bigotry you don't want them around your child never ever poison children by allowing bigots in their presence no exceptions that includes your bigoted brothers edited to add i have a bachelors masters and doctorates all in engineering you have no idea how angry this makes them hopefully you will too and we can all watch the bigots faint from sheer rage together exactly they aren't sorry for how they treated opie they just want to be able to have access to their grandkid so they can abuse it if it's a girl and turn it into a bigots no matter what i wouldn't go that far many parents want to dote on their grandkids they don't necessarily have a nefarious plan to brainwash them but they probably have some sort of particular desire to see opie be a mother and perhaps even a fear that she won't be a good one because of her independent streak and while they don't want to turn her into a bigot they will certainly try to impose their own notion of gender roles onto her there is a whole fascinating world out there of abusive parents who have been cut off by their children who believe they have something called grandparents rights to be in their grandkids lives i can understand the notion that having grandchildren that have turned against you that you never have the option to meet can be extremely painful but the forums are filled with narcissists unable to acknowledge their own bad behavior i dunno maybe we're saying the same thing i just try to have some degree of sympathy for even the worst people in these situations and try to understand it from their perspective even if they are deluded and dangerous there was a story a while ago about a grandmother who didn't believe her grandchild really had a peanut allergy i still think it's useful to understand their motivations and that they too live in their self-created worlds where they are the good guys while they might not go in with the intent of abusing more children history more than likely repeats itself because that's what abusers do with defenseless little kids especially narcissistic grandparents the road to hell is paved with good intentions posted by user bad quilter aunt titled am i the a-hole for making my nephew a dinosaur quilt my sister is deeply christian my sister and i were not raised religious she went off to uni at 18 and became a christian when she started dating another christian basically the point is she doesn't believe any more that dinosaurs exist she's now married to a man who isn't religious which is a sore point for her that he won't convert i have a niece nine and a nephew six a couple of weeks ago while watching them my nephew mentioned his quilt that i made him was getting too short so i told them both to go into my craft room and pick some fabrics they each want on a quilt i could easily open a fabric shop with all the fabric i have so they had a rare time picking out the fabrics my niece went for some space and galaxy themed and my nephew picked out some dinosaur fabrics i thought nothing of it and got to work today i went over with their quilts excited to see their reaction they were so happy until my sister noticed my nephew's quilt and asked what the hell i was confused and she quickly went on a rant about her knowing dinosaurs don't exist and how dare i try to brainwash her child like that i told her he picked out the fabric himself i genuinely didn't make the connection and i would let him pick more fabric for a different quilt by this point my nephew was crying saying he doesn't want a different quilt so my sister called my brother-in-law telling him to set me straight he basically shrugged and asked what the big deal was it's only fabric their son likes the fabric it's his son too and he believes in dinosaurs so he should get a say on the quilt too if it's such a big deal my parents are now involved and despite not being religious they attacked me for what i've done no one but my brother-in-law believes it was a genuine mistake or oversight and they think i've set out to mock my sister's beliefs i honestly didn't think i'd have to vet my nephew's fabric choices with my sister as all the fabric they had access to was kid friendly prints the stuff with swearing etc is kept elsewhere as they like going into my craft room so no i don't think opie is the a-hole for this one i think the sister is just being way overly sensitive i can see why the sister believes that opie is an a-hole she's not judging opie based on her intents in this one as discussed in that last story she just sees it as a personal attack against her and her faith i can respect that i don't think it's right though i think she needs to see it for what it is like the husband is seeing it for what it is and she needs to get over herself it's just some dinosaurs on some fabric this is not an attack on her this is not an attack on her kids and their beliefs opie is not the a-hole not the a-hole if she's so sure dinosaurs aren't real what's the problem would she be ticked if a unicorn fabric was picked or dragons not the a-hole exactly i hate to be that person but unicorns did exist everyone knows they just didn't make it onto the ark what most people don't know is that noah actually barred them entry due to their political alliances with the fey really makes you think that one or sinus the hedgehog or pikachu and not the a-hole when you ask your mom for the new sonic game for christmas and this is what she brings home from the bargain bin stowabis says lamou i don't believe in dragons but my son has dragon sheets not the a-hole for an array of reasons the simplest being that you did something nice by making the quilt and letting the child pick out the fabric it must take a lot of effort to not believe in dinosaurs she seriously left university a different person we were so surprised she married someone who isn't on the same page as her when it comes to religion the kids are quite confused when it comes to religion as mums telling them one thing and dad another posted by user spacey panda c titled am i the a-hole for refusing to drive my mom anywhere because she refused to teach me how to drive when i was a kid my mom refused to teach me how to drive she did teach my older brother throughout my time in college i constantly asked her to teach me and she always gave me excuses my car's too expensive i don't want you to crash it i'm a bad passenger you need more courses from an instructor i completed those after a while i gave up in my twenties i didn't bother getting my license because i had to pay for tuition i couldn't afford all the costs that were associated with a car like gas monthly payments insurance and on top of all of that driving lessons so i spent my 20s not knowing how to drive i'm in my 30s now and i got a car and paid for lessons a couple of years ago my mom has been asking me to drive her places from time to time and i just don't think it's fair she called me out on it today and i said i'd never drive her because she had the ability to teach me but chose not to when i was young she said i'm being selfish and it wasn't her responsibility to teach me it's something adults just learn yet she taught my brother so i put my foot down and said stop asking i had to hire instructors so she can call a taxi i think fair is fair in this situation i think she intentionally put so many roadblocks in front of op that opie just gave up and that is genuine gaslighting there saying it wasn't her responsibility seeing that op is selfish yet the brother got taught how to drive i think that's unacceptable behavior by the mom and she knows exactly what she's doing she can take this big l that opie is giving them and she can suck it up opie is not the a-hole she should ask your brother why does she need that anyway can't she drive anymore i really don't know she can drive as far as i'm aware we never had a good relationship so it feels like she's only reaching out when she wants something it's control dude she needs to periodically pop into your life and show you who is boss but you're the boss now exactly she could call an uber but it's so much more fun to inconvenience her daughter not the a-hole in most countries driving is something parents teach their kids to do while they are still living at home and she chose not to do this because she found it inconvenient well she made her bed now she can lie in it damn i wish i lived in these most countries for most people here a driving school teacher charges at around 20 pound a lesson i spent about 400 pounds on that i'm sorry i've only lived here in the us where mom and dad take you on a few spins around an empty walmart parking lot and then send you on your way on the freeway with your teenage friends all of whom text you while you're driving you could have saved a ton angie passed your test just by doing that i changed my mind i never want to drive in the u.s no wonder i saw so many car accidents while i was there for two weeks not the a-hole adults just learn how to drive i'm sorry what there's a lot more to driving a car than just flipping it into gear and pressing the gas pedal and it's 100 her responsibility to teach her children how to be responsible successful adults and teaching them how to drive a car is one of them posted by user am i the ahole throwaway 982 titled am i the a-hole for refusing to sell back the portion of the property i bought out from my sister i 32 female and sister 35 female inherited this apartment from our grandmother we owned it 50 50. it wasn't in a very nice part of town a bit run down when i was 28 my sister ran into a bit of financial trouble i helped her as much as i could but it just wasn't feasible for me to keep giving her cash in the long term her credit was shot so she couldn't get a loan either i ended up buying out her share of the apartment at market rates i got the apartment and her financial troubles were eased in the past four years that neighborhood has gone through a lot of changes increased government funding better schools etc has made crime go down and driven property prices up so the value of the apartment has risen substantially compared to when i bought her out this has created a lot of conflict in our relationship she wants me to a either pay her the difference between what i paid for the apartment back then and its value now or b let her buy back her 50 percent but at the price i bought her out four years ago or c pay her half of the rent i get from tenants i refused i don't want to go through that again due to the pandemic the government is paying me my rent so that tenants don't have to pay and landlords can continue to pay their mortgages we have been begging back and forth over it and it's honestly very exhausting this is just another one of those situations where money changes people and it is very unfortunate that the sister is so money oriented that she believes she's entitled to half of the apartment now that it's doing so well too bad so sad for the sister she sold her rights you morally and legally do not owe her anything she's just trying to chance you for money and i guess that's a her problem not a you problem opie it doesn't sound like she's particularly struggling from the way you put it so continue on your way you're not the a-hole if she had sold it to a stranger would she expect the same options now of course not but this is family which means all logic and legalities go out the window and opie must act like a doormat and screw themselves financially not the a-hole when the situations arise it seems like the question is how much the op values their relationship with their family members while completely not the a-hole if op values the relationship with their sister value with a dollar sign not subjective emotional value some mutually beneficial compromise might be an order depending on the profit from their ownership stake op could offer to put a 25 of the revenue from the apartment in a donor-advised fund or family scholarship to benefit any potential children that either they or their sister have that goes both ways though just asking no actually practically demanding that she pay up will leave a sour taste in opi's mouth and negatively affect the relationship what about the sister asking for the free money the opie took the risk and financial burden let's say she lost her ass on it which is just as likely to have happened would the sister be so kind to give her the difference in losses to keep it even i mean what a ridiculous entitled expectation from the sister on this one not the a-hole she just has regrets and wants some of that cheddar yes exactly this if the property loses value she would probably say that it was a good thing that she got out and wouldn't even think about helping out op for the sake of evenness i split my house with my ex after we divorced for seven years i did all the work of prepping it for tenants finding tenants going over to the house to fix things paying the mortgage when there were no tenants and then i just moved back in and took care of the house by myself financially we'd only lived in it together for three years before we had to move for military he wanted to sell after owning the house for five to which in hindsight i should have bought him out at market value when we finally sold he wanted half the money even though he had done none of the work to hold on to it until the value doubled we finally agreed on a 60 40 split even though i'd put in over 70 percent of the finances and work i see the same thing here she got out before it could be a liability and for her own personal gain let you do all the hard work because renting is definitely not easy and then wants to come back in and take equity out of your investments is she going to want half if and when you sell as well don't do it don't let someone manipulate you posted by user do do titled am i the a-hole for telling my roommate's girlfriend that i won't wear more clothing in my own home just because she's uncomfortable i 24 female live with two roommates carrie and ben carrie has been staying with her family for a while so it's just been ben and me since carrie has been gone ben's girlfriend ally has been basically living with us we live in arizona where it's usually extremely hot recently we've had trouble with our air conditioning so it's been pretty miserably hot in the house i work from home now and most days i either wear my pajamas or my workout clothes to give an example of what my pajamas look like they pretty much look like what this model is wearing except with a longer tank top i also don't wear a bra when i'm home because screw that yesterday ben was at work and i was working in the living room wearing my pajamas and no bra and ally came in and asked if she could talk to me she asked if i could please change into something a little less revealing before ben got home because it makes both him and her uncomfortable with the lack of clothing that i wear around the house i told her that if it makes ben so uncomfortable he can tell me himself but that i still won't change what i'm going to wear in my own home because it's not like i'm naked plus it's hot as hell i reminded ally that she doesn't technically live here and it's not her place to dictate what i wear in my own home i also added that it's not my fault if she's uncomfortable by what i wear ally told me that since it's just ben and me living here at the moment that i should be more respectful and put on more clothes and wear a bra because she's uncomfortable and that it probably makes ben uncomfortable too i told her sorry but it's not really my problem am i the a-hole for refusing to put on more clothes in miserable heat i say um ally can get over herself and you're not an a-hole for this one i can see why both of them have you know a problem with it but uh i would have a problem with them judging me in my own home when i'm just trying to work and do my own thing judging by what op has given us as a model i think that's more than acceptable clothing to be wearing in the house and they can just ignore op if they'd like they don't make the rules around here the air conditioner isn't working and it's arizona heats that's a triple whammy that's a triple no thank you from me so if those two want her to wear something less revealing they can go ahead and fix the aircon first i say not the a holop and i'm willing to bet ben never actually complained she waited until he wasn't there and switched up her story to be honest she just sounds jealous guaranteed carrie brought it up to ben and he just said oh yeah totally i'm way uncomfortable just to stay out of trouble not the a-hole i'm not even sure ben said anything at all ally went from it makes him and tara uncomfortable two she's uncomfortable and it probably makes ben uncomfortable too in a single conversation i would bet money ben has absolutely no clue that that conversation was happening and her discomfort almost certainly stems from insecurities i find it pretty unlikely that this is the first time op has been wearing short clothes in the house what are the chances that someone in arizona doesn't spend most of the summer going around in shorts and a tank top or the first time ben has seen her in pjs and he has seemingly been fined so far suddenly his girlfriend moves in and it's an issue definitely a her problem and she really should have more trust in her boyfriend not the a-hole and it would be completely reasonable if you tell ben that you are not comfortable having guests in the apartment without the person they are visiting this is a great point why is ally even hanging out when ben isn't there she needs to start paying rent or they should get their own place yeah i just thought about this imagine being left alone in someone's apartment and then having the audacity to approach their roommates and tell them what to do so messed up not the a-hole it's hot and you aren't naked plus you're in your own home she doesn't live there if ben would have talked to you personally i might consider it but it sounds more like a case of jealous girlfriend to me posted by user throw r.a jelosibov titled am i the a-hole for asking my girlfriend 23 female to consider quitting a job that bothers me before anyone gets upset i am not insisting that she quits this job and if she chooses not to that is her prerogative i just asked her to consider doing so my girlfriend anna is currently a law student her second degree after qualifying in a language degree during the summer she works for a family friend named david she calls her job a personal assistant but it seems much broader than that she is his translator and interpreter she goes to events with business partners as his date or partner and when clients visit david at home or go to dinner with him she entertains their wives and makes drinks or entertains or cooks etc when david hosts events anna runs them wrangling guests and arranging seat plans and so on in essence it often appears that she's kind of a hired wife i've never encountered a job of this kind before david is mid-thirties and unmarried anna has alluded to him hiring escorts when they're abroad and i've never met him but this made me feel very uneasy for the whole summer she is with him there is a room in his london house that she calls her study with a sofa that she sleeps on and they regularly travel abroad together i never see her during this time she claims to work from 7 am till 11 pm 6 days a week and says david does not like her to use her phone during work hours she also said david does not like her to eat during work hours either but he counts her going to the gym as a valid use of work hours on top of this are business expenses such as david buying her clothes even when she's at university she is frequently getting phone calls from him and all hours of the night which she says is due to the time difference two nights ago we had a big fight over this job i told her she looked like she'd lost a lot of weight and she just brushed it off and said that she had a stressful job i said it seemed like a very weird set of duties and she got very defensive it had started out as a normal job but that she had taken on more duties as david had started to depend on her how much can he depend on her when she's still at university for a third of the year she let slip during this conversation david was funding her law degree and paying her a stipend even when she was not working and i told her that i found the whole arrangement to be very suspicious asking if she wasn't sure it wasn't something sketchy or that she wasn't being exploded in some way not saying in what way i told her she might want to reconsider a job which basically turned her into a non-sexual escort and that i was uncomfortable with the whole thing she shut me down and told me that i was being a controlling a-hole and that her job was her own and that even suggesting she consider what a weird occupation she had was a massive dick move on my part but me i genuinely feel like i'm going crazy anytime i try to explain her job to others and even when i think about it myself faq one i've known her for five years dating for three we live together while studying with four other roommates she has had this job since before we started dating and david was always her quirky boss that she would have anecdotes about 2. david knows her family and is close to her older cousins that is from what she has mentioned anna and david are both russian his family is much wealthier than hers if i understand correctly her family knows that she has this job and think it is great she includes this work on her cv she's on the books to some degree as she gets her weekly salary into her accounts and bonuses in cash from what i understand the clothes she gets are nice but not flashy just normal work clothes like blouses and pants or neat dresses i do not know if they are designer she has the occasional very nice cocktail dress from an event that she either sells for cash or keeps for other events i do not know if it's from a high-end label 4. he is not paying for american law school it's a uk undergraduate degree in law still expensive but not as bad as yanks think it is about 27 pound total if i remember correctly five there is a possibility mentioned elsewhere that she may be misrepresenting the eating rules due to her history of disordered eating this is something i intend to discuss with her and six you can stop telling me she's likely having sex with david there are 800 plus comments here saying something similar and it isn't particularly relevant to the discussion mini update we spoke briefly on the phone this morning before she started work she apologized for flipping out saying that she was stressed and done well i said i wanted to bring her and david out for lunch to clear up this misunderstanding and apologize for being controlling she went off the phone to speak to someone and came back on and said david wanted to have me for dinner presumably not in the hannibal sense she said she would get back to me by the end of the day with a day and time that works so if she doesn't well i don't know i guess i'm gonna go not the a-hole for this situation here this is a really weird work situation she's got herself into it does you know have hints of a non-escort style of job it kind of makes me uncomfortable listening to it because she's out with him so much he's basically paying her to be a emotional partner for him and the disordered eating is also very concerning but that's a personal issue and that's not really my business i don't know what op is doing but asking her to maybe you know chill with this job would be a step in the right direction in my opinion not the a-hole i worked a job that was very different in nature but had a boss that was similarly controlling unfortunately i was so under the control of my boss that i didn't even realize how unhealthy my life had become i'm saying this to point out that your girlfriend may not realize the danger that she is in my response when people tried to talk to me about the job was to become defensive and sounds like she's the same i truly hope you're able to help her get out of the situation i wish i had the clarity to understand the concerns that my loved ones expressed at the time again not the a-hole you were right to be concerned not the a-hole don't even bother to ask her to quit she'll just flip it on you as if you were controlling and unreasonable and you aren't sad to say this but i'm guessing if you dump her for this job she'll bounce pretty quick which will show you that you've dodged a massive bullet dump yesterday updates am i the a-hole for asking my girlfriend to consider quitting a job that bothers me so long story short anna and i talked about taking a break from our relationship due to the demands of her work but we are still together first things first i told her about the post and she found it hilarious that so many commenters thought that she was good looking enough to be a sugar baby and said to say thanks i've apologized for overreacting and telling her to quit her job and she's apologized a ton for how little time she's had for me and our relationship and how she dismissed my concerns at the suggestion of some comments here she let me run some of her texts with david through google translate although i could tell she felt a bit insecure about the lack of trust that implied but she agreed in black and white her relationship with david seemed sketchy they were all friendly and mostly business related some that read like a good friends complaining or teasing each other he sent her a few photos of him in suits her replies were all style related and she sent him a few photos of food eg while they were on dates my name cropped up a few times in a very natural way i went for dinner with her and david a few weeks ago this mainly confirmed what i had suspected and hoped first that their arrangements has a lot to do with their families and a sense of looking out for one another when i say david has photos of anna in his house that might seem like a red flag but they were not girlfriend pictures there was one of her graduation with her father and one from a trip to russia where she is with his grandfather and lots of photos of her brothers as well second that david is on some kind of spectrum that means anna helps him with social aspects of business i don't mean that in an insulting way at all but that was just the impression i got he was very polite to me and told me he was glad to meet me at last and that he had been instructed to relay information back to anna's family about whether or not they should approve of me third like a lot of people suggested anna's interpretation of the rules had a lot to do with her e.d she isn't allowed to eat in front of clients but she's self-conscious about eating in front of david as well so she ends up not eating at all during work she's promised to go back to therapy about this issue and i got the impression david wasn't happy she had told me a lie about her working conditions not really sure what else i can add we're gonna stay together she has promised to renegotiate some of her terms with david to try and have a bit more of a normal existence during the summer and david sent me a nice watch with a little message attached thanking me for coming to dinner anna has joked that this was payments to keep me happy and technically makes me her pimp so we'll see tldr both of us consider ourselves the a-hole david seems to be neither an a-hole nor banging my girlfriend and we are still together well that's a cute little update i never commented on your original post mainly because i had nothing else to add to everyone else it's good you've gotten everything sorted out it's great she's going back to therapy and hopefully everything moving forward will be more comfortable and fingers crossed you get the family's vote approval just don't forget to keep the tracks of communication open between yourself and dana but also david probably via anna good luck moving forward and upward so i have autism if i was wealthy enough and had a job like david i would absolutely want to hire someone like anna to help grease social wheels for me like in those rhetorical questions where you win the lottery but can't save or invest my answer was always to get a personal assistance so i never had to make a phone call for things like appointments or whatever it sounds like david had a similar desire and seems to have screwed it up for you and dana his autism and anna's eating disorder just seemed to spectacularly collide i'm sorry that this happened and i hope you can all communicate and figure it out in addition to this david probably would never have thought twice about it being weird since at least to my kids most things that nt folks do is weird af to them posted by user clothes and drawers titled am i the a-hole for throwing my kids clothes onto the floor when they don't fold their clothes neatly so i've always been kind of a neat freak mom the entire time my kids have been alive i always expect their rooms to be clean and i check their drawers closets and storage bins to make sure they don't just shove stuff in there to make the room appear clean the kids 16 13 9 and 6 are all responsible for putting away their laundry and my oldest two are responsible for folding their own clothes which bothers me because my 13 year old folds his clothes in a way that bothers me he rolls them up instead of properly folding them ever since the kids have been home and have more free time i'm more strict about the way they put their clothes away i expect their clothes to be folded a certain way and organized in a certain way in their drawers i read from a mummy blogger a few years ago that when her kids drawers weren't organized she would make a mess for them to organize the right way i considered it for a few years but now that the kids are old enough i think it is the way to go for us i haven't had to do this until yesterday i walked into my 16 year old's room while she was facetiming her boyfriends and i saw her basket of laundry that needed to be folded and out of curiosity opened her drawers and see that she has shoved her clothes in there i started making a mess and she screamed mom why and i told her she knew why after that i walked out of her room she explained to her boyfriend what i did and he says your mum's fudging crazy bruh and i peek my head into the room give her a look and she ends the call with him and breaks down crying i told my husband what happened and he told me i knew you were gonna do that but i didn't know you would actually follow through this morning i woke up to a note on my daughter's door saying until mom can get mental help i'm staying with my aunt sister's name i texted her no response i tried contacting my sister who said that she has no plans to return until i get mental help and stop being such a controlling [ __ ] my husband sister and mum are all against me in this which hurts i don't think it harmed my daughter it benefits her and helps her stay organized and i think you're living in a world of delusion opie and i don't think you realize the damage that you're doing by forcing these rules on your kids when there's obvious blow back from them especially this one who has abandoned the household until you get help i feel like that's a pretty you know clear sign that things aren't working well in that household and yet you continue your antics you're the problem op it seems like you've got a problem with looking yourself in the mirror every day and seeing yourself for who you are so you're the a-hole [Music] updates am i the a-hole for throwing my kids clothes onto the floor when they don't fold them neatly almost two months ago i made a post on here about me throwing my daughter's clothes onto the drawer when they weren't folded neatly well that post really blew up and people on twitter also chimed in well the night i made the post i was still in serious denial i replied to some comments and my denial was perfectly clear for everyone to see the day after i read some more comments and messages that i received from everyone i resorted to the guest room and cried for hours i read some people tell me that their mums were similar to me and they no longer have relationships with them that was truly my worst fear i seriously love my kids more than anything on this planet even if my actions don't always show it i booked a virtual appointment with a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and let me know she would help me i have since had about eight sessions with her and she's been a big help of course i still have a long way to go but i've been noticing some improvements already as for my daughter she stayed at my sister's house and came home a few days later after i told her that there would be major improvements made in my behavior i sat all the kids down and told them that i have the resources to not be such an overbearing a-hole to them anymore one thing i do want to address is the fact that i was usually controlling with my kids but the incident i wrote about was the one that sent me and my daughter over the edge me and her are on much better terms and i want to thank reddit for waking me the hell up to become a better mom and wife i also want to apologize to anyone who i brought back bad memories to i want to have relationships with my children until we all grow old and i know so many of you guys don't have that which breaks my heart but also hearing your stories gave me a big change of heart and to helping me fix my relationships and become a better person i just want to add that the pandemic and a ton of other current events are very triggering to ocd i was diagnosed in 2015 and have had resources to help me in 2019 i felt very good about where i was with my ocd but by mid-march 2020 i was in a very dark place please hold yourself accountable but also forgive yourself when things get hard as a child whose parents had mental health struggles that made my childhood difficult to nightmarish i also just want to thank you for being honest with yourself and being able to keep growing i'm so proud of you soprano 23 says i wish my mum could have the same wake-up call that you had the issues i have with her are different but they still boil down to her being controlling and doing things that hurt our relationship but she won't take responsibility for them because she doesn't think anything is wrong at best she once told me that she doesn't want to see a therapist because she's afraid of finding out something is wrong with her thank you so much for taking criticism to heart no matter how difficult it was for the sake of your kids it may take a while to mend things but you're already well on your way and your family will be all the better for it my mom was like this when i was a kid we now no longer speak due to her overbearing controlling behavior and for many other reasons that she refused to get help for and still to this day won't i wish my mum had took it upon herself to recognize how much damage she was doing and make moves to amend it in the way that you have op as we may still have a relationship if she had it's too late for us but not for you and your daughter good luck posted by user d colic19 am i the a-hole for telling my parents they are irresponsible for getting pregnant for the sixth time i am female 19 and i am my parent's second child i have three brothers 21 13 and 7 and a sister 16. we grew up poor and our parents were often dependent on financial help from relatives friends etc for raising us this is because even though my dad has a mediocre job and my mom doesn't work they just kept on popping out one kid after another my parents are very religious and believe that children are a gift from god personally i think that's total bs my parents reproductive choices wouldn't bother me if it hadn't caused mine and my siblings lives to turn to crap while growing up we never had new clothes or toys we had to accept handouts from family members who were better off we never went out or did anything fun now my older brother and i have managed to get into good colleges and are looking forward to a future that would be better than our parents lives he and i have been home for quite a while due to the pandemics lockdown yesterday my parents called all five of us into the living room mum said she had great news the smile that was forming on my face dies a quick death when she said we're pregnant i lost my temper i asked them how they could be so stupid and irresponsible do they not have enough financial troubles already that they have to bring in another mouth to feed my older brother tried to calm me down but i was livid after a lifetime of scarcity because of my parents stupidity they still had not learned their lesson i asked them how they planned to provide for the kid my dad told me i would have to give up the money our great uncle had left me he had left all five of us some money which only we could access when we turned 18. i said hell no that money would help pay for my college expenses he called me selfish for not being there for family i told them if they couldn't provide for the kid they should get an abortion my mom started crying and called me a heartless monster dad told me he was disgusted with me and i told them there was no way i was going to pay for their stupidity since then the atmosphere in our house has been very tense so tell me am i the a-hole edits i forgot to add that i told them that the only thing i'd help pay for is an abortion fyi i'm not american and abortion is completely legal in my country edit two i want to thank all of you for your kind and helpful comments some of you asked if my money is safe yes it is my parents can't get it without my written consents which they are not going to get it was suggested that i talked to my younger sister i'm planning to do that and i'm going to do my best to ensure that she doesn't fall for any guilt-tripping by my parents to those of you who suggested that my comments were cruel i see where you're coming from but my biggest worry is the way my parents reckless lifestyle is going to affect my younger siblings and they're not doing this kid any favors by bringing it into a life of poverty once again thank you very much sorry to you guys that believe in pro-life but i agree with op in this one here i respect the decisions of pro-life but it sounds like they are not having a good existence in that household and it's completely due to the parents actions the parents chose to have that many kids they chose to give the kids a low quality upbringing i would not do that to my potential kids i would not bring a child into this world knowing that it's going to be raised in worse conditions than i had and it was going to be severely disadvantaged because of that i think the rp's parents are doing a disservice to the entire family and i think that they're the a-hole and dopey is not the a-hole for their actions and their words as cruel as they may have been not the a-hole was your delivery the best probably not but you have every right to be frustrated and to give your very valid opinion i would ensure your parents have no access to your inheritance etc i agree about the money if opi quits college she may be locked in a less desirable financial future i hope she stays in school i'm sure they'll still have their handouts when the older kids get good jobs though i'd almost argue that their intent in saying that she'd have to give up her money they'll try it on all the others as well who expects a child to pay for their siblings also these children are spaced out a bit too far for them not to be planned looks like mum and dad tried for two years for the first half of the bunch and five years for the seconds when they realized how much work it was honestly they want their children to keep raising their other children forever keep the family close or whatever even though she ain't a girl saying she's infertile and you can forget the rubber this is still a baby trap opie and her siblings need to get the hell out as soon as possible with that money from their uncle i'm not so sure about the unplanned idea like the op i'm not american and in my country most parents qualify for a monthly payout from the government to help with child care even if the child isn't in daycare here you get the max payout if you're low income and the child is under 7 years old after the child hits school the payout drops and at 18 the payout stops i've known people who pop out a kid every few years to play the system not the a-hole i was about to say live and let live etc and tell the bit about them expecting you to pay for the childs not okay they want a kid they can pay for it if god has blessed them with a baby maybe god can sort out the expenses updates am i the a-hole for telling my parents they are irresponsible for getting pregnant for the sixth time quite a lot has happened since i originally posted about this i decided to get some family members involved so they could talk some sense into my parents i called my mom's maternal cousin she's one of my favorite people when i told her that mum and dad were having another kid she reacted with what again i told her everything and how they expected me to hand over my inheritance and she said that she was going to speak to my parents and told me not to sign over anything i promised her i wouldn't of course i won't i also called two of my first cousins one of whom is an accountant so she could explain to my parents how much of a financial liability this baby is going to be and try to convince them to either abort or give it up for adoption i moved out of my parents home a few days ago i was only going to stay here until lockdown was relaxed but i just can't bear to listen to my mom's nagging about how this baby is a blessing and i want to kill it i've moved into a friend's basement for a minimal rent my mom's cousin paid them a visit about a week ago and tried to tell them they weren't doing this child any favors by bringing it into a life of poverty my mum was very rude to my aunts and told her that a woman who chose to remain barren will never understand a mother's love my aunt never wanted kids nor had any yeah she can go to hell for saying that my dad told her to get out aunt told me there was nothing she could do but she did try and i didn't blame her the cousin tried to explain the economic impact this kid would have and my mum cried about how everyone was trying to take away her baby wtf the intervention didn't do jack diddly squats so now i've decided to cut contact with my parents i just can't watch my family slide further and further into a hell hole i'll be maintaining contact with my sister 16 just to make sure my parents can't brainwash her otherwise i'm done with these people edits i want to thank all of you for your support i think i should add that my brother will maintain contact with my parents i'm actually glad that he will because if they prevent my sister from talking to me my brother can act as a link between me and her mars 1040 says you had every right in involving your extended family in this considering your parents kept asking for help from your relatives i wouldn't be surprised if your relatives cut your parents off for asking for money for their sixth child's and i expect your younger siblings would also be unwilling to give up their inheritance when they get older considering they grew up poor keep in contact with your siblings and let them know that they don't have to give your parents any of their money the relatives who stood by my side and actually saw the logic in my arguments are in the minority most of them think this is wonderful news my mom is one of 13 children it's a big part of why i'm converting away from catholicism the mentality around children even when there's no certain way to feed them is so toxic good for you for standing up to them my mom did her own equivalence when she said she wanted to go to college her dad said there were cheaper ways to find her husband and they kicked her out when she decided to stop giving her father her paycheck to pay for her school and they tried to spend her scholarship money on groceries and cigarettes and she has an amazing life now and wouldn't change a thing you have done the hardest parts it'll only get better from here honestly cutting ties with my parents was the easiest part i'm just worried about my sister she'll be the next one to get access to her inheritance and they're going to try to get her to give it up the best you can do is set an example and stay in her life and in a worst case scenario be there for her after your parents manage to take advantage of her sometimes the biggest difference between getting stuck in your parents's cycle and overcoming it is knowing there is an alternative you have become an example to your sister that there is an alternative that's the most anyone can do and you should be proud of yourself alright guys that's where i'm going to end today's video i really do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learned something that you didn't know before if you haven't already please do feel free to click that like button as it really does help me in the youtube algorithm and if you haven't already and you love today's video please feel free to subscribe i would love it a lot also big big big shout out to all my patreon members and channel subscribers you guys are all up in the screen right now i love you i love your faces also i love seeing you guys all chatting down below in the comments it brightens my day to see the stories that you guys share and just the kind words you guys always have for my videos as well as everyone else in the videos i love you too but honestly your ongoing support means the world to me and i just love it so much that you guys are able to support a career for myself that i invest so much time into and you guys honestly motivate me to work harder each and every day to put more love into the videos for you guys if you guys have watched this far in the video and you haven't already subscribed on patreon or become a channel member that's cool you don't have to but there are links down below uh you can donate any amount of money pledge that any month cancel whenever i'm completely cool with it it's just there for you to support me if you'd like to go the extra mile and i'll go the extra mile for you guys by putting out new amazing content every single day with that said guys i really hope you have a good day night sleep bath time at work whatever you're up to today this has been marky i'll see you in the next amazing video bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 17,539

Rating: 4.9358974 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: uACfkTG9IOY

Length: 177min 39sec (10659 seconds)

Published: Fri Aug 21 2020