r/AmiTheA**Hole For BREAKING My Marriage Over Husband's Selfishness?

g'day there guys road work ahead i sure hope it does it's marky here and welcome back to another episode of r slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie and enjoy today's content i just said that but it doesn't matter thank you posted by user throw ra 6712 nine car 90 ma titled am i the a-hole for asking my husband to turn down his dream job for my career i'm going to be vague for privacy reasons sorry i 33 female and the breadwinner of our households i have multiple highly specialized degrees for a niche industry i make 200k plus with potential to get in the 600 to millions range my company has not been hit that badly by the pandemic so most of us have kept our jobs but we're held to strict standards my husband 36 male has a broad degree and work experience he quit his job right before the pandemic hits hoping for a better job in the meantime and i was supportive he spent a ton of time applying to various jobs and finally landed an interview and organization x this is his dream job in almost every imaginable way i can't be detailed however it's paying about 65k a year which would be fine except this job directly puts my job stability at risk my company and this org are adversarial at best my field is extremely secretive and if clients discovered my spouse was working for a competitor i would be permanently tainted i wouldn't be able to get a job in the industry forever i know this sounds like an exaggeration but i promise you it is absolutely not it'd be like if i worked in protecting the privacy of celebrities and he worked for tmz if he tapped my car got into my work devices he could use that to advance his career and any trust i have in this field will be gone even if i trusted my husbands not to do that my clients and company don't worse because my background is so specialized this is the only field i can work in i asked him to drop from consideration for this job since if he got it we'd lose my income 65k a year cannot support us in this city plus he does not have to work for this organization even if the job market is awful right now his background gives him access to a wide range of jobs but i only have this one niche fields he was extremely angry and said i was selfish and only cared about money i told him that if he wanted to go back to school for an advanced degree or just be unemployed for a while i would support him but taking this job isn't possible he continued the process behind my back and got the offer he wants to accept it because he says his career needs to take priority and that i wasn't being a supportive wife i feel so betrayed and have contacted all relevant higher-ups in my company to inform them i notified them as soon as he got the interview because it's better coming from my email than from a background check i told him he could decline the offer with me watching him physically decline it or he could accept the offer and move out immediately i would pay for him to stay two weeks at a hotel and we would begin divorce proceedings my company is willing to take care of all my legal fees i feel fudging awful i still love him i moved decisively because this was the best way to cut my losses but it still hurts he called me heartless and cold it's true that i was prioritizing my career over his but it felt like the only option at the time this situation like ops niche markets is extremely niche i don't think too many people find themselves in situations like this and how is it fair that opie just completely destroy her career any prospects in the future of her career any finances her financial stability all gone years of training just wipe it all out because he wants to take one job that can benefit him i'm sure there are many opportunities for this dream job at different places you don't need to do this one if it's going to completely ruin your life this husband is not worth keeping unfortunately if he's going to sabotage you intentionally like this and then gaslight you saying that you're the problem you're the one tearing us apart i have to put this gun to your head this is your fault you're the one tearing us apart absolutely bang on job by op for putting every safeguard in place beforehand and taking initiative on this so again good job to op can't blame him for the actions go right ahead with what you're doing divorce will have to happen if it does i would choose my career over a partner if it meant that i can never work in that field again because that's my job not the a-hole op not the a-hole some are saying you've decided your job is more important than your husband's they're ignoring the fact that he seems to have decided the job offer is more important than your entire career i was ready to call you the a-hole considering we frequently see people unnecessarily prioritize their career over their spouses when compromise is possible however he's refusing compromise to address the people calling this a trust issue it doesn't matter if she trusts him her company and her clients don't he knows this and chose to pursue this job anyway if she doesn't trust someone who's willing to destroy her entire career for a single job i don't blame her men aren't usually the spouse making career sacrificing for the greater good of the couple i don't know for sure but that could be something he's struggling with they're ignoring that he seems to have decided a job offer is more important than your entire career it's actually worse he has decided that as the husband he has a right to order his wife to give up her career he says his career needs to take priority and that i wasn't being a supportive wife and it isn't just op's career and their family income that isn't as important as his job offer he has decided that the job offer is even more important than their marriage because really who thinks that you're keeping your marriage after telling your significant other to give up their career because of your much lower paying job offer about the trust issue and he knows this and chose to pursue the job anyway i agree and it goes farther than that he has shown that she can't trust him he continued the process behind my back to be honest even if he does capitulate their relationship will never be the same again she now knows that she isn't the highest priority in his life and he'll forever resent her for not backing down on the issue not the a-hole and i think divorce is inevitable not the a-hole and i wonder if organization x will still want your husband once he becomes your ex that's a very good point they have to know who he's married to if he's not a work pipeline into her job maybe they won't want his stanky ass anymore posted by user ranch crowns titled am i the a-hole for disallowing my son from being alone with his girlfriend my son is 16 his girlfriend is two they've been dating for about a year when they started dating it was normal and appropriate then over the last several months i've noticed strange behavior especially around her he's usually really talkative and emotive and energetic but he's kind of withdrawn whenever she's around she'd answer questions for him and finish his sentences too i didn't think much of it at first but then i realized he wasn't spending time with his core group of friends anymore turns out it was because his girlfriend said he wasn't allowed to see them without her he wasn't going out and doing things he used to enjoy i asked him about it and he said his girlfriend didn't think that they were cool things to be doing she sold a skateboard she threw out all of his drawings we had to talk about not changing herself to please others and i thought she was a [ __ ] but it was all normal teenage coming of age stuff recently i was on the road for work and he had a date with this girl so i texted to ask how it went he didn't reply i followed up to be sure he made it home he called and said that he couldn't reply over text because she reads all his messages and asked me to not ever text him about her i told him that was a red flag but he said that when things go good with her they're really good so he's fine to put up with her when things are bad i'm a single mom so i thought maybe i was being too overprotective of the whole situation and i just needed to stop interfering but on that same trip i called again to ask how a visit to azant had gone and he said he didn't go because his girlfriend feels like he spends too much time with his family lately i advised him that that wasn't her decision to make and if he felt like he spent too much time with family that was one thing but he needed to learn to tell her no and if she couldn't handle it she didn't deserve him he said he couldn't do that because he was afraid of what she would say and she's unpredictable when she gets in a state i was still at a crossroads because i know he's at an age where he needs to problem solve for himself but a male co-worker couldn't help overhearing us talk and he said just consider if you had a daughter instead would you be letting a boyfriend treat her like that i hadn't thought of it like that so when talking didn't work i eventually banned them from being alone together and took her off his social media so she can no longer monitor it a lot of men who i trust to give me single mom parenting advice are saying this was an a-hole move because my son is not in any danger and needs to learn to not let girls push him around just to get his rocks off but the parenting instinct in me says that this was a double standard placing him at risk but maybe they are right and it's actually just my overprotectiveness in which case i'm the one who's making things worse i'm at a loss am i the a-hole i don't get how these men who that she trusts to give them single mom parenting advice can say that she's an a-hole if they've heard the entire story and they know what's going on how do you look at this and then go you know what you suck if you're stopping her from allowing to continue to abuse your son he needs to learn the hard way he needs to be broken emotionally and mentally he needs to learn he needs to grow up i didn't have this when i was 16 but you know what i think it's the right thing to do and you should just continue allowing it you're the a-hole if you step in and help your son from my perspective opie is doing the best thing that they can do without telling them to break up with the girlfriends allowing him to learn from his mistakes and if things got worse in this situation bring in other help to end this relationship amicably and protect the sun from her not the a-hole i strongly suggest getting in touch with a domestic violence organization for advice he's in an abusive relationship and i don't know if you've done the right thing i say that because you've now given her ammunition to turn him away from you you can be made out to be the bad guy by her this is too big for this forum and you need to get some advice from people who understand the intricacies of abusive relationships this is good advice they should have resources for therapists who work with abusive teenage relationships the rp can start by calling the national domestic violence hotline [phone] to get referrals in her area posted by user bitterblackberry433 titled am i the a-hole for telling my brother 25 male he shouldn't have brought his girlfriend 24 female to my wedding i swear this sounds fake my brother has subjected me to a sitcom plot my third wedding anniversary was this week my wedding was absolutely beautiful and i am so happily married to my husband with regards to guests i explained to my family that we really only wanted serious partners to attend as plus ones i.e spouses and fiances to keep numbers manageable and make sure we didn't have random exes in various photos liam messaged us shortly before the wedding asking if we could extend that rule to include his girlfriend as he would be the only immediate family on his own we agreed i had some vague idea of him having a girlfriend but given how busy we both are and that we are both bad at keeping in contact i didn't know or questioned too much the wedding was lovely and went off without a hitch rose was a very sweet girl very intelligent and kind and absolutely gorgeous and she and liam seemed like a very cute couple we spoke very briefly about their relationship meeting at a university together for a year and a half and so on there were a few cracks made about the wedding giving rose some ideas and that was really it i had no reason to interrogate them of course fast forward to this week and liam and rose are visiting my husband and i for dinner and drinks we're relaxing on the porch a little tipsy and rose mentions liam's gift to celebrate three years together cue my surprise rose immediately realizes she screwed up and liam is cracking up i say i thought you were together more than a year at my wedding and liam replies no me and rose matched on tinder two weeks beforehand and i invited her to your wedding as a first date apparently mostly as a jerk i told him he absolutely should not have done that and that he really hurt my feelings bringing a total stranger along to an important event for me and for our family he replied that with my reasoning he had done nothing wrong as rose turned out to be a long-term partner and not a random ex my point is he had no guarantee that would be the case however he thinks i'm being unfair being mad at a situation that ultimately turned out absolutely fine and i'm not sure if he's right or if i'm justified there is no chance of me cutting contact with liam or rose over this argument just looking for outside perspectives and judgments am i being unfair i'm going to say that you're the a-hole in this situation you didn't interrogate further you didn't do your research i understand things were busy but it seems like you put this rule in just so you could have nice photos at your wedding i mean you had a great time at your wedding didn't you and if him and rose had broken up he could have always just lied to you and kept you happy that way he decides to tell you the truth hoping that you guys would be amicable and be like oh great prank hilarious but you started an argument over it over something that happened three years ago that would have potentially ruined your photos of your wedding looking back on it i understand that you're upset that he did this to you but it's wedding photos it's one person it's not that important i feel like you put too much emphasis on this i feel like you can cut him some slack he sucks a little bit for doing it but i can't blame him it's a bit funny to bring a first date to a wedding it's not often you see that it's a you're the a-hole slightly leaning to everyone sucks here but i think you suck more than he does everyone sucks here your brother did a crappy thing three years ago that worked out okay he was wrong then but he's right now i feel sorry for rose can you imagine going to a family wedding for your first dates edits and being told to lie about your relationship sounds like she had a ball though it does sounds like o.p has an awesome sister-in-law definitely sounds like they're a good match when my husband and i started dating officially we knew each other a year as co-worker friends beforehand things progressed quickly he let me stay over often and about a few weeks in he gave me a key to his house so i could go to work or my home my parents house as needed it was really sweet but we kept it secret as his dad was a bit skeptical of me being 10 years younger and dull but i'm sure if there was a wedding during this time in his family my now husband probably would have invited me too in fact only a few weeks we'd been dating officially and i invited him to my college graduation to meet my parents for the first time lol sometimes things just work out i want to say no a-holes here but opie is blowing the past out of proportion she has a right to be a bit frustrated in hindsight but what will it change now unless she decides to fight with her bro and ruin their friendship over it her complaints will only hurt rose and ruin the friendship opie has cultivated with her bro liam and rose opie even said they weren't as close as siblings before i think the bro should have been allowed to bring a date if everyone else in the main family did after all they could have always asked rose to step out of frame for family photos i've been there it's no big deal not to mention opie didn't grill him about how serious they were beforehand anyway he probably would have felt more weird not having a date when everyone else usually brings a plus one to a wedding or anniversary event it sucks being alone around couples like an awkward third wheel oh and by the way photoshop can remove anyone from anything in fact i once removed an ex-boyfriend and every tourist from a co-worker's vacation photos lol i want to say you're the a-hole even if it's a bit harsh hopefully op can let the past go and be glad her bro found someone great for him and they stuck around together you're the a-hole you're turning it into a sitcom plot not them he didn't want to be the only person without a date you had no idea how long they'd been dating you asked no questions now three years out you get to be in on the romantic joke the water is well and truly under the bridge don't be a dick about it posted by user poor kid r91037 titled am i the a-hole for getting into an argument with my ex because he drank beer at our kid's birthday party my ex is an alcoholic we have two kids together and one just celebrated her 10th birthday this past weekend obviously we couldn't have a big party like she normally does so we were just going to have a few cousins over at the ex's house to swim in the pool eat hot dogs and play some games my daughter obviously knows her dad is alcoholic and requested no alcohol at the party yes i know it's sad and pathetic that she has to specifically request that due to her dad's addiction anyway party is going good until ex's friend shows up with a 24 pack of beer as soon as he walks in my daughter said hey this is a beer free party no no no to which my ex tells her to stop and starts to crack one open she gets incredibly upset crying following him around telling him no beer at this point i step in and i'm like really just put it away until we leave in two hours my daughter's begging you not to drink and this is her birthday ex is like i'll be damned if you think it's okay for our kid to tell me what to do in my own house we get into an argument daughter has no interest in having fun anymore and is just stressed about the alcohol x is fuming because now he has me and our daughter telling him what he can do and can't do in his own house it's now thursday and i texted him and told him he needs to talk to our daughter and apologize for ruining her birthday he thinks i need to apologize for the screaming match we got into about the alcohol and if he has any talk with her it's going to be about how she can't control him and make the rules at his house well now our daughter doesn't want to go over there and is mad at him i told him i'm supporting her decision until he apologizes to her and promises to hang out with her alcohol-free he called me a raging [ __ ] on the one hand i wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do in my house especially a kid but in this situation it was really screwed up for him not to agree to do it on this one day yeah and i've got to agree with you on that one absolutely hardline no alcohol on this one day for two hours if you can't control yourself not drinking alcohol for two hours at your kids birthday party they've specifically asked you not to drink at you've got major problems you genuinely have something wrong with your brain if you have to start an argument and yell at your ex and your kid who just wants you to not drink for two hours i genuinely don't believe you deserve to see that kid if you're going to take that hardline stance because it's obvious that he's being abusive and throwing the problem back on them so opie not the a-hole i'd keep her away from him if you can by law until he changes and if not tough nuts that's life buddy not the a-hole god this made me so so sad for your daughter i'm glad you're standing up for her the best you can i don't know what your current custody arrangement is but it might be a good time to check in with her about if she wants to continue the amount of contact she currently has with her dad please also make sure she has access to a therapist to help her cope with all of this we have a custody arrangement that was set up when we divorced like six years ago but it's not really enforced he's supposed to have the kids every other weekend but that never happens because he drinks on the weekends at most they'll hang out at his house once a month until he gets drunk and then they call me or go stay the night with their grandma i wouldn't use visitation times to get back at him but even if i did it wouldn't matter he doesn't care because he would rather get plastered anyway so the more time away from them the better you need to revisit that custody arrangement if he's not taking the kids when he's supposed to and creating situations that they feel they need to leave then his custody should be cut back and his child supports increased it's not about getting back at him op it's dangerous and traumatic for your child what if he puts her in the car and drove drunk what if she had an accident while he was drunk and couldn't get help also look at what this is doing to her mental health she is so upset at her father drinking that she cried and he ruined her birthday not the a-hole your ex is being inconsiderate and not recognizing he has a problem what the hell was his friends doing there anyway isn't this your daughter's birthday anyway opie you aren't the a-hole exactly the point i also made about his friend showing up like this dude is 40-something with no kids and we couldn't invite her friends because of the pandemic but this guy can show up because he's got beer give me a fudging break posted by user throw flag 5561 titled am i the a-hole for kicking this girl out of my house after she mistook my uk flag for a confederate flag and was planning to get us fired from our jobs so a bit of background we're all in our mid-20s and live in the usa me and two of my friends rent out a decent sized house and we had a get-together my roommate is friends with these two girls let's call them kate and jess and they invite with them a new friend call her ashley now ashley when she comes over i see that she's recording us i thought she was just posting to her instagram and snapchat i don't pay attention to any of it really i noticed that she is just videotaping a lot so i'm like kate can you check on your friend like what's going on turns out she thought that the uk flag that we were hanging in our living room was a confederate flag and she was getting evidence against us when she found out that it wasn't everyone just acted like it was a huge joke but i got ticked like for real you think we're racist yet invite you over to our house where you have our hospitality and our food and alcohol in the meanwhile you are getting evidence to ruin our livelihoods i don't want anyone like that in my house at all so i make a scene and get her to leave kate and jess say that it was just a misunderstanding i was like no there wasn't it's the principle behind it some of our friends have come to ashley's side but i don't see how you can support her it doesn't matter what the outcome of this situation was if you're a racist or not these friends are going to be on ashley's side because it's either they are a racist i knew it we got you or oh don't worry ashley just makes mistakes all the time she's not a crazy beer i swear to god she's not crazy trust me she doesn't do this a lot this is this is a random occurrence when people have itchy trigger fingers looking for someone to cancel because they misinterpret things in their house that's a very dangerous mentality to have and i don't condone it at all i'm 100 behind europe as well ashley showed disgusting mistrust and very much showing that she wasn't someone that you need in that household nor you should surround yourself by who knows what kind of accusations ashley wants to throw around just to make herself feel better you know i'm getting rid of the trash in the world oh it's a uk flag disgusting get the brits out of here no stupid mentality by ashley i cannot blame you for your actions i would blow up as well it's just a no-go to do that record my house what's your problem not the a-hole not the a-hole i don't want someone in my house who's secretly recorded me in an effort to ruin my life you have every right to ban her from your home even if your roommates don't agree she's not a safe person to have in your living space this right here and applies to any situation i agree doesn't matter what she was recording or how dumb she is 1. she didn't ask what it was 2. she's a manipulative monster who wants to destroy people she doesn't know 3. she clearly thinks it's ok to do this without any further evidence or proof drop that trash outside like i'm super curious what other things she was filming that she thought was further proof because it sounds like she was taking video for a while unless op had the uk flag and a whole bunch of racist memorabilia maybe she was waiting for op to slip up and drop a few n-words chase a minority around and put on a white sheet you know normal stuff right mistaking the flags was the misunderstanding recording to ruin someone's life was intentional and not a misunderstanding at all i have to say i mistook the flag once my response was to look at someone and said is that a confederate flag they told me that i was an idiot and we all moved on as an englishman i am both shocked and appalled that our beautiful flag was mistaken for a confederate flag i mean come on how stupid do you have to be should have just left her to it and watched the fallout of her stupidity though if i was around someone's gaffe and they hadn't seen george's cross hanging on the wall i'd presume we weren't far off rousing a chorus of anger land and a few cans of do as you're told you know posted by user mum embarrassment titled am i the a-hole for embarrassing one of the preschool moms this happened months ago but i'm still feeling the effects of it my husband 29 and i 26 female enrolled our daughter four in preschool last year this was at a period where my husband was struggling with work and i was working insane hours so he was the one who always took our kid to preschool as time went on he told me a lot of mothers noticed his wedding ring but absence of me and overheard him saying to our daughter sometimes i know you miss mommy and she really wishes she could be here they just assumed that he was a single dad and even when he corrected them by simply saying he wasn't they seemed to paint a negative picture of me things eventually eased with my job and i managed to take my daughter to preschool by myself or sometimes with my husband he finally found a solid job so i started taking her by myself more and the mom started talking to me once the kids were inside i wanted to try and get along with them but it was hard from the start they made comments about my absence how it looked bad that i couldn't be bothered dropping my kid off until that moment i realized they had their own click and were very judgy and they even started making comments about my marriage i ignored it wanting to be civil and this continued for weeks their constant jabs at me wore me down because they were nothing but nice when their partners appeared and were little angels when my husband was around there was one day where one of them said something to me when they thought my husband was listening and i snapped the kids were inside at this point and i just said i wasn't here because i was busting my ass working to support me and my own you spending so much time criticizing me in my life that you can't see how hollow yours are as you have to find happiness by tearing me down ever since that day i learned that i embarrassed the mum in front of her husband who realized how [ __ ] she was they've left me alone but they don't let their kids near my daughter outside of preschool the only kid close to her age is my best friend's nephew and i feel horrible cause the kids aren't at fault my husband says that may be true but i would be exposing our kid to the toxic mothers i'm considering perhaps apologizing as maybe i was an a-hole and i don't want my kid to be left out am i the a-hole i don't see how any of this is your fault you called out them for their crappy behaviors and now they're upset because they judged you and they wanted to live in that little echo chamber where you're the enemy and your husband is the victim here and you're such a terrible person is there such a thing as admitting your mistakes and not continually tearing someone else down when they've proven you incorrect like the double standard here is ridiculous you can't just continue this lie behind someone's back and then get mad at them when they call you out for it just stupid god she's such a terrible person and and then she's such a terrible person for proving that she's not a terrible person god i hate her not the a-hole you could apologize and give them the moon and they would still crap on you not the a-hole plus one plus two apologizing in this situation does two things it emboldens the bullies because they interpret opi's actions as that of weakness the bullies know their tactics have worked and two exacerbates the opie's daughter's misery once the sharks smell blood they tend to circle prey and fight over who will get the meat if these catty [ __ ] are as [ __ ] as claimed they'll push the limits of sane behavior teaching their own children to punish opi's child whether consciously or otherwise and this poor kid's life is even more of a hell if it's an option op needs to switch day care providers where is the owner and supervisor in all of this there's absolutely no way they are not aware of what is going on so if they're not nipping this in the bud they are condoning it if the mothers are obnoxious it's filtering down to their offspring and typically people this narcissistic will not employ any type of barriers to avoid exposing their kids to such abhorrent behavior and let's be honest they don't see themselves as having a problem in the first place so why would they sadly you know the children of these bridges are likely being just as nasty to the daughter and especially during times when there's little to no supervision if switching daycare is not an option op does not apologize just hold your head up teach daughter effective coping mechanisms bullying can and does happen so the better she can deal with it the stronger she'll be as an adult and do what opie would normally do if this hadn't become an issue also these women will never be friends and that's okay opie is only associating with them out of necessity it's like an annoying co-worker or ignorant sister-in-law that you have to put up with out of decency and having a happy life i do nothing more than smile and wave end of story adding that bullying starts at age 4. by bullying i mean you can't play with us today because you wore a yellow shirt my daughter came home from school crying because her friends didn't like her yellow shirt so she would never wear it again i think it's natural to some extent for kids at four to five who start to organize the bigger world to do this so it's a matter of what the adults in their lives do and say either nipping it in the bud or condoning it i would definitely talk to the daycare teacher to make sure that she's aware and protects your kiddo and guides all the kids in a different direction when i was four i got into an argument with my best friend in preschool by the end of the day she had made every girl in both classes hate me around 25 people probably like i look back on it and am kind of impressed at the organizational skills she displayed but the impact of having everyone dislike you even for such a short period of time still messes with my head sometimes i feel like i'm just waiting for my friends to realize they don't like me posted by user bro hub truth titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister-in-law the truth about my brother and my husband i 29 female have a husband named matt 32 male and a brother named tony 32 male tony has a wife named anna 33 female tony and i both went to boarding school growing up i went to an all-girls school and he went to an all-boys school across the country because of the distance we weren't very close as kids and i didn't know much about his life back then when tony was at boarding school he met my future husband matt and they became best friends at the time tony was dealing with depression about his sexuality and matt helped him out of it long story short they ended up falling in love and having a relationship once they graduated high school they broke up and lost touch i didn't know about any of this at the time i ended up going to the same university as matt which is where i met him i didn't mention my brother initially because he wasn't really a part of my life and since tony and i have different last names the three of us didn't put the pieces together until a family gathering a year later i'm not gonna lie it was tough at first for everyone involved but eventually we were all able to get past it and tony and matt became best friends again matt and i got married three years ago when i met tony's partner anna for the first time i privately asked tony if he told her about his history with matt tony said it was still a new relationship and he would tell her when they were more serious now tony and anna are married since tony and matt are so close they often go on boys trips with just the two of them broke back mountain what's going on buddy they took one of these trips this past weekend and everything was going fine until i got a call from anna asking if i knew where tony was apparently he told her he was going to see our parents but she called them and he wasn't there i told her that he was on a trip with matt she got upset and asked if there was something going on between them thinking she already knew because she and tony are now married i told her not to worry because matt and tony's romance ended in high school that's when i found out tony never told her tony was furious at me when he got back because anna is threatening divorce and i'm tearing up his family because i told her without asking him first apparently tony didn't tell anna the truth because he thought that she wouldn't let him see matt anymore and now anna wants him to cut me and matt out completely matt is upset too because he can't see tony and he's losing his best friend all over again my brother wants to cut me out of his life his wife wants a divorce and my husband is miserable all because of something i said i feel so guilty and can't help but feel as though i messed up am i the a-hole this is all tony's fault everything that's happened is all tony's fault he genuinely cannot be mad at you for what he's done hero p he deserves all of these fallouts he deserves his wife divorcing him you might even need to divorce your husband if it comes out that he's cheating on you with your brother that's not something i'd ever think that i'd be saying but uh welcome to 2020 but the more i think about it it's probably a common occurrence in a lot of relationships no need for you to be upset about this this is you just getting some closure because that is a crap storm and i wouldn't want to be caught in that i'd have so many turds in my face i wouldn't know how to breathe god damn tony calm down opie not the a-hole edits i really appreciate everyone's comments some of them are very hard to read but i suppose this is a wake-up call that's long overdue i know it may seem difficult to believe that someone my age can be so naive and clueless but being rational is something i've always struggled with i wish it were fake i'm realizing that this is most likely far worse than i thought it was i won't be able to respond to individual comments for a bit but i am reading all of them in the meantime and will post an update when i can edit two i've seen a lot of comments asking why i didn't say anything about the trip sooner and what i thought they were doing so i'll just answer here for the sake of convenience my brother has been struggling with pretty severe depression for the past few years because of this he doesn't go out much or have many friends my husband is his only close friend and the only one tony will open up to because my husband helped him through depression when they were younger the outings with mats are one of the few things that make my brother happy matt has always told me that they do regular things like play video games and watch movies and go biking so i didn't think too much into it even with matt being tony's ex i thought it was more like matt was helping his friend through a tough time i see now how stupid i was to assume that but that was my thought process edit three please don't let this post be a justification for homo and biphobia whatever happens with my brother and my husband isn't reflective of gay and bi people as a whole and edit 4 wow i stepped away for a bit and there are a ton of comments i won't be able to respond individually as there's a lot going on right now clearly but i'll still be reading before i sign off i have a couple quick updates matt agreed to tell me everything after i've given him some time and space to process all of this as much as i and probably you all want answers now that's what i'll be doing still no word from brother or sister-in-law i'm gonna give it a rest for the day and try to focus on something that doesn't terrify me i will be back with a separate update post when things make more sense thank you all also i have seen brokeback mountain evidently it's a lot more fun on screen than it is in real life i guess expect to read this story again when i do another update post uh video so i'm looking forward to see what happens here posted by user this life is out of stock titles am i the a-hole for discussing weight loss with my 14 year old step-daughter i have a step-daughter 14 female who recently started high school in recent years she's been gaining considerable weight to the point that she's now at a bmi of 28.5 using a calculator appropriate for her age not the adult version she's also got stretch marks that are getting worse and really bad acne i know why she's been gaining weight she's pretty much stopped growing her mother is very short and it seems she's going to be short too and at her mother's house she pretty much only eats junk food drinks a lot of calorie heavy beverages and eats a lot of candy also her mother who is incredibly overweight herself and clocks in it well into the extreme obesity category fixes her plate for her and mandates that she eats every single bite that gets put onto her plate even if she's not hungry anymore now i'm fine with my stepdaughter's body looking however she feels comfortable with she doesn't need to be miss skinny to make me happy but she recently came to me and expressed worried that she's going to be bullied in high school over her weight issues and expressed concern over how quickly clothes don't fit her anymore even though she's not getting taller etc etc in response i had a frank discussion with her about food eating too much exercise etc i advised her about healthy food showed her how quickly calories from sugary drinks can add up discussed that while eating dessert is fine maybe you don't need to eat two to three portions of it just because it's available and allowed i discussed moving and exercising more and talk to her about how she might approach telling her mother that she's full instead of stuffing herself to finish the food that gut puts on her plates as a result she switched to mostly drinking water cut down on desserts at our house and did her mums and started walking and riding her bike more she's asked me many follow-up questions about which foods are healthy and which are not and i answer her questions while emphasizing that she can eat anything she wants as long as she's moderate about eating things not so healthy i just got a call from her mother totally freaked out because apparently i'm a giant a-hole discussing diet with a fourteen-year-old girl she said that i'm going to give her an eating disorder and her weight is not her fault at all it's all purely genetic and nothing can be done about it with diet and exercise she said that 14 is far too young to have discussions about weight and diet and that when teenagers get told about weight management it will inevitably lead to eating disorders and low self-esteem issues while i obviously don't agree about the it's all genetic parts the accusation that i might have given her an eating disorder did give me pause i certainly don't want to push her to be a young woman obsessed with unhealthy and unrealistic beauty standards or make her feel in any way that her body is a problem or she's not good enough so reddit am i the a-hole for discussing diets and exercise with a 14 year old girl in this situation no she needs the help she's taking the help to heart she's actioning those words and she's making positive changes in her life the mother is realizing she's losing grip on her child she's losing the ability to dig her child in early grave and she's upset that she's no longer having control in her life the mother is obviously mentally ill and allowing her own eating disorder to take a hold of every facet of her life and that's not okay if it were me i would be calling cps at every opportunity that i could to report that hey this kid is struggling we need to get this kid off of that mother she is going to kill this 14 year old girl it's not okay and opie you are not the a-hole you didn't talk about weight you talked about healthy lifestyle choices at your step-daughter's request and you went out of your way to emphasize that it's okay not to be perfect as long as she's making an effort it sounds like mum is feeling called out over her own choices and scared her daughter's success is going to force her to confront the fact that they are really excuses this there's a huge difference between counting every calorie and maintaining a healthy lifestyle i was 16 before i realized just how useless soda is tons of calories but doesn't do anything to make you feel full or to hydrate you i stopped drinking soda daily and started drinking water and unsweetened iced teas and as a result i stopped getting cavities and started slowly losing weight without even meaning to i still drink a soda occasionally when the mood hits but i'm so much more conscious about it i think if you told her stop eating desserts completely or do intense workouts every day or you're overweight you would have been the a-hole and likely have given her an eating disorder but she explicitly asked you and has made changes that could easily make her life a healthier life long past high school oh man i remember when i gave up soda at 14 barring no other changes to my diet or lifestyle and dropped 15 pounds like that my mom was like are you okay before she realized i was eating the exact same as before just water instead of soda posted by user cara raya titled am i the a-hole for pointing out a girl's acne scars after she repeatedly tried to sell us her mlm products a girl 19 female i graduated with joined a makeup and skincare related mlm group a couple of months ago at first it was pretty low-key a couple of products posts here and there but that was it then she got heavily involved in her uplines boss babe group and since then my former classmate has become awful she constantly spams her social media feeds and stories with pictures of the products claiming things these products can do that a blatant lies then she often posts these inspirational talks in which she tries to recruit her followers by filming herself saying how unhappy she was working as a waitress how happy she is selling mlm products and that we can also quit our menial jobs her words and start working in her team she also got caught lying about how much money she makes and she often tries to sell her products to her little sisters minor friends a big part of this certain mlm scheme is that the sellers offer free skin care consultations via zoom where they basically try to sell you their products my former classmate does that too and often texts random people to see if they want one of those skincare consultations with her she specifically targets people with bad skin one of those people with bad skin is one of my closest friends emma 19 female emma has had bad acne since she was 10 years old and she still has bad acne and acne scars it's one of her worst insecurities when the former classmate texted emma to try to convince her to book one of those skin care consultations with her the classmate basically texted emma that she knows how emma is struggling with acne and that she has just the right products for emma emma declined and told her that she wasn't interested in a consultation then the mlm girl got her friends who support her mlm business to text emma to try to convince her and tell her how amazing these products are emma declined again and she told me how awful she feels because she knows how visible her acne scars are if so many people are pointing them out it all came to a head yesterday amber and i went to a restaurant and our mlm classmate was also there at one point during the evening the mlm girl came over and started talking to emma about her acne and how her products can help her emma repeatedly told the mlm girl she wasn't interested but she wouldn't go away now this is where i might be the a-hole at some point i just snapped and asked the mlm girl if she doesn't use her own products or if her products are just useless because she also had visible acne scars the mlm girl looked shocked and hurt but she finally went away emma thanked me for speaking up but also told me that i didn't have to snap that hard at her so am i the a-hole for snapping at the mlm girl after she didn't go away look sometimes these hashtag boss babes just need a little healthy dose of humble pie and yelling at them i do it i guess just make a scene get them to go away get them to leave you alone because they're just snake oil salesmen at the end of the day it's obvious the product doesn't work she's just trying to scam you out of money and she's gaslighting harassing bullying doing whatever will work to separate you from your hard-earned money don't fall for their tricks yell at them if need be do whatever you want within legal limits not the a-hole can't believe i'm saying this as i predicted the opposite based on the title but not the a-hole mlm girl crossed multiple lines and in the end it was your only dose of harsh medicine that stopped her from further harming your friends honestly i'm angered just reading the nasty aggressive tactics that mlm girl stooped to in the attempt to make a buck where does she get off as though a 19 year old cosmetic salesperson has any worthwhile advice to give about this issue what ticked me off the most is when she approached her at the restaurants she didn't go there to be sold some crappy product just leave her the hell alone not the a-hole i would usually never endorse anything of this sort but it looks like you only did it as a last resort to stop repeated harassment of your friend and you still feel terrible about it no should mean no to any kind of pressure hope emma is okay and i hope the mlm lady sees what kind of monster her pyramid scheme is turning her into posted by user why is all the weed gone titled am i the a-hole for smoking in my house around a pregnant woman i 24 female and roommates with another guy from college 21 male for about two years we're both really chill and have never had any problems we both stayed away from hard drugs but we do drink alcohol smoke cigarettes and smoke weed we've hosted some wild parties in this house we don't host parties since aunt rona came to town but we both continued to smoke cigarettes and weed in the house neither of us had a problem smoking anything indoors and neither did our landlord it's a crazy college town he wouldn't have got any tenants if he said they can't smoke inside the house problem came in the form of his pregnant friend about a month ago he said that she got evicted and that she was jobless and needs a place to stay for a few days urgently i agreed obviously we both stopped smoking inside the house it was just for a few days so i did my best to make her feel comfortable but the more accommodations we made for her the more she asked for she didn't like when we played music or tv as she was a light sleeper and gets headaches easily the smell of meat makes her nauseous so we can't cook or eat meat inside the house me and my friend just went to the roof when we felt like having a smoke days became weeks and i asked him when she was leaving at this point i'm getting annoyed at not being able to do what i want in my own place he told me how he is telling her nicely to leave without saying get out but she keeps either begging for some more time or starts crying and he backs out weeks became a month and i had enough since yesterday i have started smoking inside the house i mean it's not like i deliberately light up when she's in the room ashtray is by the window so i sit there and smoke what i want if she's in the room i just give her a heads up and then start smoking i've also started watching netflix on the tv when we don't have classes and started cooking meat in the house again yesterday night she yelled at me about how much of an inconsiderate [ __ ] i was and i reminded her that it's my place and unless she's paid rent that i didn't know about she doesn't have a say in what i can or cannot do my roommate is really nice and he tried his best to help a friend out he isn't the father but even his patience is wearing thin and he supported me we aren't going to throw a homeless and jobless pregnant woman into the street but i am also done making adjustments to my way of living for someone who doesn't even pay rent she can find a way to be okay with how me and my roommate live or she can find another place to stay so am i the a-hole personally i don't think so i think everyone's gonna make arguments saying that everyone sucks here in this situation but if you've made accommodations for someone for days they're turned into weeks and you can't live the lifestyle that you're paying to live well then i can't blame you if you've gotten to the end of your tether and you go back to the lifestyle that you're leading you have no obligations to meet with this woman she has overstayed her welcome you can go back to living the way you want to because it's not your problem anymore it really just isn't your problem she either finds a job and gets paid or she leaves and goes and finds family or parents that will support her not the a-hole everyone sucks here she needs to stop taking advantage of the situation you'll need to be real blunt with her and give a specific deadline and you need to stop behaving in a passive-aggressive way because you're frustrated i get it you should be able to do what you want in your own space but this isn't something that only has an impact on you and you know that don't be childish and time the baby because you're fed up tell her exactly when she needs to be out by agreed give her notice and hold her to it she has overstayed her welcome and if you're not quick she'll be bringing a newborn back to your home not to mention the fact this passive-aggressive smoking is doing the most actual harm to an unborn baby get assertive and throw the leech out don't poison her baby while trying to literally smoke her out yeah as far as cooking meat and watching tv i feel opie can do these things but smoking around a pregnant woman paying rent or not and you're an a-hole an uninvited pregnant a-hole can't dictate how the opie acts in her own home no dude yes she's the a-hole in general but opie should know how to be a polite smoker i smoked for around 17 years tainting my lungs was my choice but children pregnant people and non-smokers in general should be upwind so they aren't breathing it and smoking inside is gross anyway yes i only smoked outside exceptions were made when it was negative 40 degrees celsius fahrenheit then i'd smoke in the basement bathroom with the exhaust fan and window open unless the window was frozen shut and spray this stuff that was designed to help remediate homes after a small fire ando p puts an edit in their post please read hey guys we've decided to ask her to leave whether or not she has things figured out she has to leave in a week she gets recognized as a legal resident if she stays for four more weeks and me and my roommate really don't want that to happen i do feel i can ask for this but not enough to house a person plus maybe their baby indefinitely posted by a guy that deleted his account titled am i the a-hole for refusing to justify why i left my son's wedding early my son got married a couple of days ago i wasn't happy about it and i'm sure he knew that but i didn't say anything i felt sick at the reception and had horrible stomach pain my husband and i left and my son seemed offended though i told him that i felt sick it got worse that night and i went to the er i ended up having appendicitis and having to have surgery while i was at the er my son and daughter-in-law both texted me about how selfish and immature it was to leave their wedding my daughter-in-law who dislikes to throw around loaded terms calls it toxic now i could easily show them my discharge papers and clear myself but i don't think i owe them any type of explanation i don't like being called a liar i've been disrespectful and i feel like i'm being punished for not wanting to be close to daughter-in-law my sister thinks i should show them and my husband thinks i should tell them both to f off i'm leaning much more towards not showing them i just want to know why ob i just want to know why you don't want to tell them the truth i don't understand why you wouldn't want to clear the record most sane people would want to do that i didn't think that it would go in this direction i thought that they would know that you're sick and they're angry at you regardless but i feel like a way to approach this situation would be when you're going to leave the wedding tell them that oh god i am going to die i am in pain i need to leave i'm going to go to the hospital and i'll see you later you would have been not the a-hole because you would have warned them ahead of time instead you left at the reception without any rhyme or reason to your decision and i can understand why they would be pissed off at you you're making this situation worse by not showing them the hospital discharge papers that will clear the water you're being petty and you're surrounded by idiots you're genuinely surrounded by idiots telling them to f off i honestly think this is a you're the a-hole situation but people are going to say it's everyone sucks here everyone sucks here i mean why wouldn't you have just told them you ended up in the er and then had to have emergency surgery you could let them go on thinking you snubbed them and ruined your relationship with your son and potential grandchildren in the future or you could clear this misunderstanding up seems like a lot of drama for nothing honestly all of you sounds toxic af i agree with this why is opie hiding the fact that she went to the er and had to have surgery seems like she's creating drama when i feel sick is the oldest excuse in the book to get out of something you don't want to do i really wonder how respectful she has been to daughter-in-law and why she doesn't like her agreed why on earth would you just keep quiet about something as major as this she had to have emergency surgery on her son's wedding day that's a pretty big deal to keep secret from them what a weird attention-seeking game ropi is playing here and i doubt it's the first time i don't think the daughter-in-law chose the word toxic for nothing you're the a-hole for game playing you apparently made your dislikes so known even without saying anything that it was their first conclusion that you left ellie to show your displeasure now you are hiding pertinent information that could save the relationship not just them not being angry but you reconciling after the blow up because you are self-righteously enjoying watching them put a noose over their own neck i agree if my mum left our wedding early we would have said it was because she was being a self-centered drama queen if my mother-in-law left our wedding early we would have been worried sick and tried to get in touch to see what was going on history dictates how people react to your actions and judging from the text messages this isn't the first time opie has acted like this but previously not due to a medical emergency also where is opie's husband in this why didn't he text back saying your mother is in the er why didn't the father call his son i couldn't imagine one parent having to go to the er and another just not calling to let me know regardless of what the relationship we currently had is posted by user throwaway 1275730173 titled am i the a-hole for lying to my husband's family about me being infertile i 32 female have always been horrified by the idea of pregnancy and giving birth it sounds very traumatizing and i don't want to go through that experience i still want to experience being a mother and would like to adopt children when i'm ready my husband 34 male knew this from the start and was okay with it my family knows as well and define with it my husband's family on the other hand are disgusted by the idea of not having a biological kid they have been nagging us for years until i eventually cracked about a year ago we were having dinner together until of course the nagging of what are you guys planning on having kids i told them that i was infertile and i was never going to have biological kids i am not infertile i should have checked with my husband before i said that but i was so tired of the nagging he followed along and we both left after that the topic of trying ivf or a surrogate has come up but rarely and spending time with my husband's family has become so much more bearable on to the situation about two months ago i accidentally got pregnant i won't go into details i saw a doctor and i was about six weeks in i scheduled for an abortion just three days ago at the time my husband didn't want me to not wanting a bio-kid was one thing but getting rid of our child after i was pregnant was different for him i told him i was sorry but i'm not willing to go through pregnancy and birth so i went through with it the day after i got the abortion i got a call from my mother-in-law she screamed at me for lying to her and aborting her unborn grandbaby i was really confused about how she knew i later talked to my husband about it he said he told her he said he was upset at me for making him lie to his family but my family got to know about everything that it wasn't fair i was treating his family like a burden and it isn't fair to them they are allowed to know about my abortion if my family knows we fought for a while and he went to go stay with his mum for a few days so we could both cool down since then i've also gotten calls from a few other of his family members telling me i was in the wrong now i'm starting to wonder if i was wrong for lying to his family and making him lie too i'm wondering if making him live without talking to him was unfair to him and that i should have put more consideration into his opinion of the abortion am i the a-hole i'm all for body autonomy and you're allowed to do with your body as you will you know he can have a say in the abortion i guess but at the end of the day it is your decision this whole situation has spun so out of control and you guys built up such a web of lies you know it's just natural for the family to be so upset at you guys when you had played them around so much you were wrong for lying to his family and making him lie too and by the sounds of it there wasn't enough communication with your husband as to what you guys would do in the event of getting pregnant i feel like you were just wishing it never happened so you didn't have to have that conversation with him although the family does suck too for blowing up at you guys so much and their actions do suck in my opinion and i can't blame your husband for being upset he's kind of caught in the crossfire of it all this is a very sticky situation and i think everyone sucks here everyone sucks here you shouldn't have started the lie but you shouldn't have had to his family had no business commenting on your reproduction and your husband should have shut it down before you kind of snapped and lied however the pregnancy and abortion while ultimately your choice was a big event in your husband's life and he is entitled to reach out to loved ones during difficult times it should have ended up with mother-in-law contacting you about it but it's crappy of you to expect your husband to keep secrets about his life to support your lie this is a sticky one op and i feel sorry for your husband but it sounds like everyone involved could work on boundaries he knew that he was nuking the relationship between opie and the in-laws when he went to his mom on this of all topics there are other people he could have reached out to for support this was a punishment european is not the a-hole and with how he reacted and retaliated i wonder how accidental this pregnancy really was like did he confess the lie to mummy months ago and she was like there was no way she would just abort just make sure it's an accident and we will have what we want and it will be too late for opie to do anything personally the fact that he was happy you were pregnant is enough of a deal breaker for me that i would divorce him as he has not heard your fears and or doesn't care about your fears either way i would not stay to find out which make a clean break and let him find someone else who wants to carry his biological children well op clearly wants children but doesn't feel able to go through a pregnancy or birth it doesn't seem to be a choice but a genuine phobia that means she does have fertility issues and will struggle to have children naturally even though there's nothing physically wrong with her lady bits now that she is pregnant she decided to have an abortion to protect her own health if her husband truly understood how she feels about it and how traumatic going through pregnancy and childbirth would be for her that's how he would have explained it to her mother it's understandable that he might want to prioritize his unborn child and it would be understandable if he decided that he wanted to end their marriage because of that however opi is making a perfectly valid choice to put her own health first plenty of women choose to end a pregnancy if they can't safely carry a child to term and it's disingenuous to present opie's decision any other way i don't think the previous poster was saying she's an a-hole for getting an abortion rather for expecting her husband to lie about it and not go to his family for comfort it's her body and ultimately her choice but that doesn't mean others are not entitled to their own feelings about the fetus it's that expectation that her husband suffer in silence which is the only thing she can in my opinion be judged for it's a very sticky situation but ultimately i don't think anyone owns the truth especially when it impacts other people in question posted by user sassy yet classy 98s titled am i the a-hole for kicking my husband out for the rest of the week because of what he said to our autistic child i've been married to my husband john 24 male for three years now and have a five-year-old autistic boy jake due to my son being non-verbal i decided to homeschool him i'm always afraid that if something happened to him at school he wouldn't be able to tell me someone mistreating him kids being mean having a bad day etc so i've been working my ass off to make sure jake has a good curriculum plan for this year this morning we had been working on asl american sign language and jake was having a difficult time with focusing running around flapping his hands slash objects kissing the cat etc it took a few minutes for him to hear me lol but my husband for some reason came in from our bedroom and yelled at our son sit down and pay attention to your mother she's the only one that's willing to put up with you jake began to cry his dad has never yelled at him like that he's always been so gentle and understanding where did this come from i sent our son to go outside and play while i tried talking to my husband what's the matter with you john why would you say that to him he snapped back because opie there were some days i just wish he was normal i wish he would listen go to school like every other kid and just not be such a pain in the ass needless to say i pretty much stopped the conversation right there i know it wasn't the best thing to do but i was afraid of what i would say to him out of anger i needed time to cool off before i could even comprehend as to why he would say anything along those lines i told him to pack a bag and that i was booking him a hotel for the weekends i don't plan on answering his phone calls or texts until monday i just really needed time to wrap my head around things and i imagine he does as well am i the a-hole here did i handle the situation correctly or do i need to apologize i want to talk things through but for some reason all i can see is red right now um this is a very hard one to judge i feel like this is such a young relationship and you guys have a young kid when you're very much not experienced with the world and with relationships and how to look after kids and i can see compounded with the stress of this year why he would probably snap like that he's probably not dealing with things very well that does not excuse his actions and it doesn't excuse you for you know kicking him out of the place either i think what you did was right i think you protected your child you need to keep him out of the house for a few days you know put your kid first they are the priority it looks like but at the same time i can't put it into words but i have an underlying feeling that your actions made you an a-hole in this situation too i'm not sure why but i'm gonna give the judgement everyone sucks here i'm just i just feel it updates my husband decided he wanted the few days to stay at the hotel he left after the arguments went and got breakfast for everyone and took time to calm down as did i we both admitted we overreacted he shouldn't have said what he did nor yelled at me and our son and i shouldn't have sent him packing it was a bomb from the get-go we're both very protective of jake and we'd never want to hurt him in any way we both have our frustrations some days are much harder than others and it wears and tears at you and giving our son all we have has caused the both of us to pay less attention to one another i'll be the first to admit i haven't been attentive to my partner as much as i want to be i've been lacking and giving support and assurance to jon and vice versa and that is why jon will be spending the weekend in a very nice hotel you didn't think i'd put him in motel 6 did you blow so that he can take a break my only thought in our argument had been he needs a break i've been there i've needed someone to keep my son for a few days for me to recuperate jon needed the same thing and i don't blame him he's an amazing father and man he just needs to not let himself run for so long and try and talk to me before it all gets to be too much thank you everyone for your advice and comments posted by user throwawayof123 titled am i the a-hole for faking my animal allergy for years i'm on mobile so sorry if it's weird some backstory i 21 female have a traumatic history with dogs i was attacked when i was 15 by my neighbor's german shepherd and still have scars the dog was put down and they moved away i was in therapy for a while because i used to get panic attacks whenever i saw a dog and would get serious nightmares now i'm much better and have nothing against them but could never see myself owning or living in the same space as one ever since i met my girlfriend 21 female we were 19 she has made it clear she would like to own one a husky to be specific ever since things became serious between us i've made it clear i don't like dogs and will not live with one she laughed it off each time and said i'll get used to it and i told her about the attack and the aftermath and she dropped it for a few weeks then was back to it i feel like my only choice was to tell her i was allergic this never came to any issues because no one around us has dogs i've kept this up for around one and a half years recently she claims she found a medication that will cure my allergy she wants me to go to the doctors and get it prescribed i told my best friend all this and he said i was a massive a-hole relationships are built on trust and i should get over my stupid fear i do feel bad about lying but she's obsessed with this fudging dog she brings it up every few days and gushes over it i've asked her why she wants one so badly and she said she never got to see them growing up and it's her dream to be a puppy mama i love her so much and want her to be happy and this is the only problem in our relationship i could see myself marrying this woman so reddit am i the a-hole for faking my allergy edits i've suggested other pets i suggested rabbits i had them as a child and loved them and mice and snakes and a cat but she's made up various excuses including her mother wouldn't approve of snakes and cats kill birds edit two as i've said in the comments i've been in therapy to help with my fear now i can be around them fine i try to avoid german shepherds at all costs and i'm still uncomfortable around big dogs if she had suggested a smaller dog like a chihuahua hell yeah i would consider compromising but she's only interested in a husky her parents were impartial to pets but she would always obsess over things then lose interest quickly like plants if say she wanted a chihuahua it would be solely her dog and i wouldn't want to be around it really that's not possible with a husky i seriously couldn't live with one or any big dog for that matter based on all this information i'm gonna go with everyone sucks here on this matter i mean you've been lying to her for the longest time but in a sense i don't blame you for lying because she won't stop putting that point out and she's not taking your trauma with dogs seriously and she sucks because of that she continues to put your traumas as second-rate compared to her need for a dog and that's simply unacceptable in a partner she's showing a genuine and serious lack of empathy for you and you're finding ways to get out of explaining this to her and i can only imagine the end game the end result of all these lies and all of this negativity festering between you guys how that's gonna end up i'm not sure everyone sucks here updates we talked and she never realized how it affected me i never liked talking about it which was my mistake so she assumed that it wasn't anything serious she knew i went to therapy and that's not the only thing i went for so she didn't really know how bad it was she told me about how her childhood was rocky and unpredictable so she internalized this one thing about the future that she wanted and wouldn't change and never really let it go i've suggested she either come with me to therapy a few times or get her own therapist and she said she'll consider it i told her about me lying and she was a bit hurt but understood it we've both apologized and are all good as well as promising if anything else happened we would openly communicate since this was a childhood thing she never researched anything so i told her about how high maintenance they are and she agreed that she couldn't manage it she still wants a pet so we have decided to adopt a rescue cat after researching properly and looking around if she wants to get a dog in the future we're both going to re-evaluate and see if we're in a position to do that because she can't take care of one and i don't want one by the way i'm not an assertive person and she would laugh it off before i told her thinking that i was nervous or something i truly believe she wasn't disregarding me harmfully but unless you knew our personalities in person or the dynamic i don't think you can truly capture the essence of how we are posted by user a vegan's mum titled am i the a-hole for forcing my vegan daughter to cook meat my daughter 16 female has been vegan for about a year me my husband and her brother 14 male have tried to be as supportive as possible we aren't a family that eats meat daily so it wasn't that hard for me to accommodate her when i do cook meat i also do make something else for her and keep the side dishes common for all she does have some separate dishes but most are common and i clean it if i have to cook for her few months into the vegan lifestyle she tried to convince us to go vegan and would get increasingly angry when we said no me and my husband shut that behavior down hard and told her that she can follow whatever diet she wanted but she cannot expect others to do so she sulked for a while but stopped doing that last weekend i cooked the family a big pot of chili a small vegan one and a large beef one so that i can refrigerate it and use it for the next week next day i found the fridge empty of both the chili and turns out my daughter decided that we are being too callous about meat she felt the smell was too much when she opened the fridge door and that she can't have anything from the fridge after that without gagging or puking she told me that i need to throw out all the vegan food in the fridge and restock them me and my husband were livid wasting food is never okay with us and that was a lot of food i told her i am going to continue using the vegan products in the fridge and she can either eat it or not but i am not wasting food that whole week she kept making faces at dinner while she ate as a punishment i gave her the recipe and told her she needs to buy them and cook it next weekend she yelled and begged but i stood firm in the end she did it when the cooking was finished i told her that wasting food is never okay in this house and pointed out that instead of x amount of meat being used 2x amount of meats since it seems to be confusing i meant as in x amount in the pot she wasted plus x amount in the new one i didn't purposefully make her put more than what was used previously was used because she threw the food away now she started crying and yelling at me about how awful and disgusting i was because i not only forced her to buy meat which she is very much against i also forced her to cook it and now i am also telling her that it was her fault she is really upset about this so i am wondering if i went too far should i have picked a different punishment my husband and brother definitely think that what i did was right while my parents think i was in the wrong i thought i will put it to a vote am i the a-hole this is just another family fight everyone has done wrong in this situation but if she doesn't want to cook with meats she shouldn't be forced to cook with meat if you guys don't want your food being thrown out of the fridge she shouldn't be throwing your food out of the fridge everyone sucks here this is a learning curve for the family this is a learning curve for her not to be forcing her diets and and opinions on other people that will not change i guess in that sense everyone sucks here not the a-hole my brother also tried to convince the rest of the family to go vegan it ended up that he needs to cook his own food we're not eating meat often but all that stupid comments when someone cooked for you and you don't like it are annoying some people should just shut up i know eating meat is not healthy but also go vegan is not a super solution after he stopped eating meat he's always tired he's not strong than before in sports and i'm still eating meats two times a week and i'm okay with that everyone sucks here making her cook it was too far pushing into sadistic zone for a vegan you already reinforced your point by making her pay for it and telling her how it was all her faults it was but cooking it too as a vegan cooking animal flesh is repulsive so i find that part very disturbing and unnecessary as an added punishment not the a-hole your daughter was being a self-righteous brat and needed to be punished she's old enough to know better posted by user professionaldust91 titled am i the a-hole for telling my daughter to hide her period the title sounds terrible i know but please hear me out background info i 45 female was born in mumbai and moved to the us for college where i met my husband 46 male we currently have one daughter who is 12. my mother has moved in with us during the pandemic as she feels safer here my mother is very old-fashioned and believes that a woman on her period is dirty and shouldn't be allowed to worship handle food or touch plants i'm very firmly against those beliefs and do all those things regardless of my period my husband also doesn't believe in all of that the problem starts here my daughter started her period yesterday and told me i luckily had her prepared with information and i keep extra pads in the house for this reason when my daughter came out of the bathroom however i told her to hide her period this essentially meant that i wanted her to keep her pads in her room wrap up any used ones very tightly toss them into the trash discreetly and take the bathroom trash out every day i also wanted her to not talk about her period near her grandmother as i know she would freak out and start forcing my daughter to conform to all her crazy old-fashioned demands as she did to me when i was a girl i have also been hiding evidence of my period while my mother has been staying with us this made my daughter upset i know this is partly because my husband and i have both taught her that there is nothing shameful about her body and telling her to hide her period is going against that but i don't want her to become a victim of my mother's constant spewing of nonsense my daughter loves to help me cook work in our garden with her dad and she occasionally prays with my mother in the mornings she doesn't need to be barred from that just because her body is functioning correctly so reddit am i the a-hole for telling my daughter to hide her period edits a lot of people are getting mad so let me try to clear things up 1. my daughter does know why she has to hide her period from her grandmother i've explained my childhood experiences to her and she's witnessed how unreasonable my mother can get over small things and has seen her fits i don't think she enjoys them two we did not move my mother in on purpose my brother who lives in india forced us to take her in probably because he's tired of her claiming that the us healthcare system is better than india's he literally put her on a flight to new york called us at the last minutes and said that we were supposed to take care of her now if we flew her back to india all hell would break loose and the one person i hate dealing with more than my mother is my brother and with lockdown restrictions in place there's no way we could send her back three my daughter can still talk to us about her period she needs more pads or wants to try something different we'll take her to the store if she's having cramps or aches we'll get her some medicine and give her a hot water bottle she can still cook eat pray and garden do whatever she wants i just don't want her announcing her period at the dinner table or in the proximity of her grandmother four my mother is one of those people you just can't argue with i've tried it all the time she believes that she can do no wrong no matter what i tell her about respecting the rules of my house she will not listen she has the indian mentality of the elder is always right edit number two i'll clear more stuff up 1. if my mother were to find out about my daughter's period or my daughter was to accidentally talk about it near her i would definitely support her and back her up that would be a hill i'd die on it's much easier when my mother doesn't know because this pandemic already has me stressed and i don't need another stress source in my life i don't need to argue with her right now and that's better for the entire family two my daughter can talk about her period with whoever she wants my in-laws other family members excluding my brother he'd snitch to my mom her friends etc i have no need to control that as the other people in our lives share our views rp you can blabber as much as you want about you know how you justify this to yourself me personally i think you're an a-hole for controlling your daughter as much as your mom was controlling you back in the day this is your house your rules you can lay down the ground rules with your mother she has no control over you anymore and you don't even want to be living with her why would you even listen to her if that's the case it doesn't matter the culture you're from she has no power here you have the power to shut her down and let your daughter live the free life she wants controlling your daughter just as you were controlled is no way to continue this let your daughter talk about it all she wants shut your mom down when your mom has a problem with it it is that simple you're the a-hole gentle you're the a-hole your intentions were good but you need to be setting boundaries with your mother not teaching your daughter to be ashamed of herself this i know sometimes standing up to parents is hard but the boundaries should be set for your mum especially if it's in your home 12 is a rough age enough without adding the twilight zone style time we're living in for school due to the pandemic and everything else let me just mention here that i sympathize with op most people in india have the mentality of always respect your elders no matter what you can argue all you want but people like opie's mother just won't budge and as much as i dislike this usually there's no concept of boundaries in most indian families and their favorite argument is we raised you all rights so we know more about parenting at the same time i'd like to acknowledge that it's incredibly difficult to censor what you're seeing in your own home especially for the wrong reasons even after years of having my period i crib about it and literally can't go through one without complaining why do we have to deal with this i think all women should have a right to do this but either way it's a no-win situation for op because her mother is always going to make comments that will make her daughter upset i know people will suggest op take a hard stance on this but culturally most indian children at least know that they are expected to take care of their aging parents i know people at least on this sub i don't know if you have no responsibility towards your parents is it just like what the majority of people on this sub think or in actual have different views but there isn't much you can do about it and honestly to an extent even i think that you have some responsibility towards your parents t's and c's apply obviously so what op is doing is actually the only way to go about it without causing a conflict i.e not letting the mother know when her daughter has her period but even then it's not a long-term approach she's going to wonder why her granddaughter hasn't had her period and sometimes she'll notice the only viable solution here is to take a hard stance on this and not allow her daughter to be ill-treated because some people only change when they're forced to posted by user stardust gir titled am i the a-hole for teaching my eleven-year-old niece inappropriate skills my 32 male brother 30 male and his wife 30 female like to go on trips and they repeatedly bring their daughter 11 female to me to babysit they usually give me no or at most one day of warning so the last time they did that as a little bit of a thank you for doing this i bought a lock picking set and practice locks and proceeded to spend the week teaching her how to pick locks it is amazing how interested kids get when you teach them skills like that well she got really good at it and at the end of the week i send her home with her brand new pick set in her pockets her mother noticed reasonably fast what happened because they always locked the candy in a kitchen cupboard and it was suddenly all gone now they are really angry with me so reddit am i the a-hole for doing this i don't think so i mean i can see why the parents would think you're an a-hole for doing it but they're a-holes for continuously dropping the kids off to you without any warning who does that that that's genuinely not proper parenting that's not proper anything you're just abandoning your kids with someone so if the kids learn to pick pockets they'd learn to pick lock you know that's your fault for dropping the kids off all the time and not paying not saying thank you just here you go bye your problem now not the a-hole edits for everyone wondering no she did not get punished since the parents learned i taught it to her except for having currently no candy since she ate it all edit two after reading many of the responses here i have to agree with some of the points that the everyone sucks here and you're the a-hole post is made i will not stop teaching her things like that but will change how i go about it next i will teach her how to drive a john deere on a friend's farm but i will a have a talk about appropriate times and places before teaching her and b give her parents appropriate notice not the a-hole less than 24-hour warning for a multiple day trip no start finding other inappropriate skills to teach your niece sleight of hand forgery how to hot wire a car how to drive a manual transmission car drum lessons even i was thinking blackjack card counting but thanks for the ideas the teaching here to drive a car at 11 seems like a fun idea critical thinking teach them to pick apart their parents arguments also it's the most crucial life skill anyone could possibly learn so there's that too it's also absolutely lost on modern political discourse but for real it's useful you mean political discourse is more about owning some poor college kid and talking fast so you drown out the opposition now that's epic ben shapiro not the a-hole you sir are a hero your brother and his wife suck you can't just take off for a week on one day notice like that yeah you're straight up the definition of a cool uncle not the a-hole could you teach me i want to be this aunt you're an inspiration to kids everywhere please continue doing what you're doing oh my god this is amazing if you want to learn just buy your own pick sets and what i found really helpful are videos of the lock picking layer on youtube because he explains his process well and also disassembles locks to show the inner workings lock-picking lawyer not lock-picking layer sorry posted by user sync manting titled am i the a-hole for not allowing my eldest daughter 24 female to come stay with me in my new big house after she was kicked out by her boyfriend well my ex-wife and i divorced eight years ago she had an affair and left me for the ap i know i was a crappy husband back then i was an alcoholic and i was verbally abusive and two years before we ended our marriage i'd stopped drinking i picked up my crap and tried doing my duties as a husband and started going to mc but it was all for nothing my eldest daughter however still chose her mother over me even with after the betrayal the other two daughters didn't pick any side and maintained a healthy relationship between us the divorce of course was nasty she got the primary custody of the kids got to keep the house and i had to pay child support but no alimony was awarded a few months later i lost my job i was unable to pay child support and i was constantly arrested and put in jail for about three and a half years and my daughter together with my ex-wife likes to watch me suffer a year ago my parents died and since i was their only child i inherited their wealth although not much but still enough a few months ago i got a new house and my youngest daughter who was 18 has been staying with me their mother moved into another country with the ap my eldest daughter broke up with her boyfriend and she was kicked out of their apartment that they shared she asked if she could stay in my house and i refused and told her to call her mother to come get her lol later my ex-wife calls me saying that i'm the a-hole for not allowing my daughter to stay with me and that it's unfair because her sister is staying in my house i have to admit i do feel guilty but she is also an adult she can sort her crap out but am i the a-hole here my daughter is introverted and suffers from anxiety edits i tried for years to have a normal relationship with my daughter even tried to ask her sisters to have a normal healthy relationship but just like her mother she treated me like crap throughout the years even refused to come visit me when it was my turn to have the kids i think both of you guys have done lots of wrong in this relationship although you've done so much worse being an alcoholic and verbally abusive for such a long marriage it seems that you had does really not shine brightly on you and it looks like you relapsed after the divorce as well and went to jail for three and a half years i genuinely can't blame them for being mad at you that entire time because you just destroyed your relationship with them pretty much and now you don't want to rekindle that relationship with your oldest daughter because you believe that when she was younger and going through all this that it's okay to completely burn that bridge and never see her again by the looks of your actions you are being petty their mom has moved to another country this older daughter needs you especially in a time like now you're the a-hole for not letting her live with you you're the a-hole you were abusive during your daughter's formative years her choosing her mom over you is the consequence of your decisions ding ding ding abusive and bitter considering he claims his daughter enjoyed seeing him suffer he also says told her to call her mother to come get her lol that self-righteous gotcha of a laugh that's the you're the a-hole coming out in you dude you're the a-hole and you know it don't underestimate how traumatic your alcoholism and verbal abuse was for your daughter she was 14 when you stopped drinking of course she has sided with her mother after seeing what you put her through you should be ashamed of yourself for your behavior when she was a child and trying to make amends however you can not rejoicing in her misfortune and in your ability to deny her the help that she has asked of you this is your chance to show your daughter that you've changed for the better and to prove that you could be a loving supportive father you threw it away out of spite by user craftygirl969 titled am i the a-hole for taking my craft bag back after i was fired i was recently fired from my live-in nanny job after a week being told that they decided a living nanny just wasn't for them they said it was nothing personal it was all them and they gave me two hours to clean out my things before i started this job i created a huge art kit for the kids with my own money i bought paints paper crayons and coloring books the kids and i used some of it but i had more plans for the coming weeks i decided to take the stuff we hadn't used for a future job i left behind the coloured in colouring books and used paints but took the unopened things and the reusable totes i put them in as i was leaving the dad saw this and said the kids would be sad if i took that i said it was property to use with the kids that i paid for later when i was at my parents and looking for a new job the mum texted and said that was a shady thing to do i didn't respond my parents had torn my mom says i was in the rights my dad says i should have left it am i the a-hole edit to add yes they should have given me more notice they didn't they gave me severance instead which was an option in my contract i was dumb and didn't know my rights i do now yeah no they gave you two hours to leave and they expect you to keep the stuff that you paid for in their house just because it keeps the kids happy doesn't mean that you shouldn't be allowed to take it with you and i don't think it makes you an a-hole just because it upsets their kids a little bit aren't they the parents aren't they the ones that are supposed to be making their kids happy they've removed the living nanny and they've also removed the coloring sets that the kids were probably looking forward to that's not your fault op you've got a life to live and you've got other people to care for so not the a-hole not the a-hole they fired you that's a low blow on the dad's parts to bring the kids into an a-hole thing to do and he wanted it so bad he should have asked how much you paid and given it to you in cash like not the a-hole this if you want to calculate how much is spent on everything in that bag and what was already used and for the bag itself then offer it to them for two to three times the amount you paid not the a-hole and your father sucks for not seeing this exactly it's no more your job to provide things for these kids as it is for school teachers to stock their school rooms if the parents wanted it they could have offered to pay for it themselves not the a-hole i guess you don't live in the us huh most u.s teachers routinely spend their own money for supplies in fact we get a 250 allowance on our taxes because even the government knows that we have to provide our own stuff every other professional steals office supplies to bring home but we steal stuff from home to bring into school not the a-hole they fired you and gave you two hours notice to pack up and move and then they got mad you took your art supplies with you wtf no no you are not the a-hole here at all yeah i got up that morning started working and was then sat down after breakfast really out of the blue anybody who can afford a live-in nanny can afford new crafts not the a-hole posted by user cvbnm122 titled am i the a-hole for not contributing anymore to my daughter's college costs after years of child support that had a provision for a college fund for almost 13 years i was paying nearly 38 of my pre-tax income as child support for my daughter my ex-wife was always assigned to minimum wage despite her choice to stay at home while her husband worked she has a higher earning potential than i do part of this child support was earmarked for a college fund but it was up to my ex's discretion on how it gets invested i had no say despite fighting for that right this support order has really made me suffer for years financially but i never once missed a payment my wife and i even delayed having kids just so i could afford paying these supports my daughter turned 18 two months ago and i finally have the money to start saving up a college fund for my two younger children who were eight months old twins as well as get my retirements back on track my daughter reached out to me last week asking for a third of her college costs i told her that it needs to come from the college fund her mother was saving i then found out that due to some stupid decisions on my ex's part there's only 13k in the fund instead of what should have been nearly 95k my daughter is innocent in this but i can't keep draining my finances because of my ex's selfishness and bad decisions this created a huge fight between me and my daughter she then proceeded to go to my parents who are now planning on selling some assets to pay for her education and now my brother and sister have turned against me and are saying that my daughter shouldn't be our parents problem but i am refusing to sabotage my retirement and the younger kids college i'm so tired of all of this everyone has turned against me my wife and my two younger kids i've been feeling so depressed my daughter won't even talk to me anymore am i the a-hole i think everyone but you and your family suck here everyone else they're all gaslighting you they're throwing the problem on you besides your parents your parents are amazing that they're going to support your daughter when you're not able to and you have your own life to focus on now you did pay up for your daughter the ex pissed away that fund and it's no longer your problem anymore it makes sense that your brother and sister are mad at you that your parents are investing that money and selling some assets but that's just greed talking and you should pay no heed to them oh no they're cutting into my inheritance a little bit news flash brother and sister some people don't get inheritances sometimes making sure that your grandkids college education goes through is more important than you getting some dead people's money grow up i think that your parents what they're doing is amazing op it's definitely not your problem and you're not the a-hole for not spending any more money than you've already done 38 of pre-tax income is a crap ton of money that is so much money to be spending for 18 years and i feel really bad for you in that regard not the a-hole you already paid for her college via the investments the fact that her mother lost it is not your fault i'm so tired of kids thinking their parents must pay for their college news flash college is not a right it's a choice higher education should be a right and it's an absolute travesty that for so many access to higher learning is restricted due to lack of income no it's not op's fault that his ex wasted the money that he's already paid but potentially denying his daughter access to education is not the answer op really needs to sit down with his daughter have an honest discussion about what he has already said in place and why that didn't work and look at what he can do to assist that isn't going to put him in financial stress at the very least this might help his daughter understand that she's putting blame on the wrong person opie needs to be honest daughter your mother squandered your money and i don't have any more i gave to save up for retirement and for your siblings education i'm really sorry but you're angry at the wrong person and what about his other kids they cannot be sacrificed because the older one has an irresponsible mother not to mention that his daughter is so little respect for her father outside of a piggy bank that she bypassed him altogether and seems perfectly fine with her grandparents selling their assets to pay for it where is the mother and the new husband in all of this exactly why are they getting a free pass here i don't see where the daughter is treating him like a piggy bank she might not have even known this situation with the child supports until opie told her if he told her she's trying to figure out how to get through college without loans or even with loans so when her dad couldn't help she asked her grandparents if her grandparents are okay with liquidating some assets to help her that's their business it doesn't sound like the daughter conned them into it but yes i want to know what this mother is doing about all of this the grandparents are adults who can do whatever the hell they want with their money they've made the choice to help their granddaughter with college they're adults and perfectly capable of that probably better to invest in her than leave it to their children who seem to be lurking around waiting for their inheritances i highly doubt opie's siblings would be so upset if the grandparents were paying for their children not the a-hole your ex spent almost all of the 100k you gave her for your kid's college fund on herself she would rather live off your child support and a daughter's college fund than get a career and apply herself in life you already paid the college costs up front and your ex-wife literally stole that money from her daughter and spent it but now everyone's mad at you if that the rage should be directed at your ex-wife who squandered her daughter's future for her own selfishness posted by user passing the torch one titled am i the a-hole for not giving a little girl one of my scrunchies i collect scrunchies i have 86 so far all in various materials some cheap drugstore finds some made of pure silk i have a lot of memories attached to them because they were gifts from people i love or i bought them at places i visited today my mum's friend came to visit us with her granddaughter the little girl is three and has super long hair which was tied with a headband that broke during their visits my mom's friend asked us if we have any headbands and then my mom suggested that i give her one of my scrunchies i refuse and search for a regular headband but my mom has already taken them to my room to show the little girl my collection and she being a three-year-old falls in love with a big hollow scrunchie that just happens to be one my best friend gave me for my birthday this year i just couldn't part ways with it or any of them for that matter the girl starts crying her grandma got kind of mad at me and my mom is furious she called me immature selfish and a bunch of other stuff that really hurts which i think is not fair this is my collection its monetary value isn't very big but its sentimental value is huge to me but i did feel bad because the girl was basically crushed and now my dad thinks i'm childish too am i the a-hole as unfortunate as it is to make a little girl cry you're not the a-hole in this scenario yes she needed something to hold her hair together but it's definitely not your mom's place to be volunteering your own personal memories and items that you've probably told us specifically do not touch mom these aren't yours to give away so because of that not the a-hole your property is your property you even had an alternative to offer the little girl your mom is the a-hole for offering the little girl one of your scrunchies after you said no exactly opie should ask her mum how she'd feel if she just started offering other people her belongings how is that any different it's different because some parents feel like they own their children and by extension all of their children's possessions exactly and if they're under my roof they do as i say blah blah insert narcissistic parenting bullcrap here some parents treat their children as less than human kids deserve respect too all of the i paid for the ingredients therefore it's fine that i took your cake brownies muffin stories make me mad not the a-hole i'm sorry at what point was it your lesson to learn to share and not the tiny three-year-old's lesson to learn that she can't get everything she wants if they're important to you that's that assuming your stuff can be given to any kid that cries is the a-hole move yeah and in this case the mother was the one who crushed the girl she promised her something she had no ownership over when her daughter would have given a headband the mother is definitely the a-hole posted by user am i the a-hole throw away 32-56 titled am i the a-hole for honestly saying that the lack of halal options was why i wasn't eating the offered food at a company lunch i 23 female started my new job at the start of ramadan i'm a type 1 diabetic and i cannot fast i pay fidya instead this was during pandemic times but our government was acting like it didn't exist back then so we had our work as usual difference was desks were more spaced apart and people wore masks so yeah i acted like i normally do if people found it weird that a girl in hijab was eating in the office during ramadan no one said anything i was at work for approximately two and a half weeks before we had to work from home now we're back in the office and as a welcome back the company decided to throw a surprise lunch they didn't have a buffet and instead had those pre-packed bento box style lunches and they didn't have any halal lunches they had vegetarian lunches and the standard option i was offered one but i turned it down when asked why i honestly said that it's because there wasn't a halal option neither the standard option or vegetarian was halal funny since most vegetarian options i come across are halal but of course this had to be the exception turns out the manager in charge was supposed to send me a form asking for my dietary requirements before the lunch but my manager forgot he remembered that i was eating in the office during ramadan so had assumed i wasn't a practicing muslim and didn't try to rectify it the whole ordeal was over pretty quickly he seemed pretty peeved over the whole situation especially since his bosses were present during the lunch the few co-workers i got to know after the office reopened find this hilarious but some feel bad for him they thought that i should have just said i want to eat my own lunch when asked because my actions during ramadan were misleading lol apparently more than a few people had assumed i wasn't religious but were too afraid to ask i had embarrassed him in front of his bosses especially since as an hr manager organizing things like this was part of his job and i made him look bad in front of them over a reasonable assumption now i feel a bit bad and as we all say assumptions make an ass out of you and me he should have done his job as manager and gone through the entire proper process and now he's embarrassed himself in front of his bosses he only has himself to blame it seems like some of your colleagues agree and some don't but at the end of the day you can always find your own food if you are struggling with these type 1 diabetes it does suck that you got left out but it's better than breaking your code for ramadan not the a-hole had he done his job correctly he wouldn't have to worry about it and honestly i'm incredibly annoyed by your co-workers making assumptions about you not being a practicing muslim without even asking you to assume mr megan well you know not the a-hole it's tempting to say no a-holes here but it sounds like it was literally your boss's job to find out about these things you gave an honest answer and it doesn't even sound like you were pissy about the mix-up here's bad you're fine boss's reaction is what makes him the a-hole i totally agree he's just butthurt and his pride was slightly tarnished because he screwed up no kidding if it had been a reasonable assumption he wouldn't have to worry about looking bad would he not the a-hole you didn't lie to cover-up how your boss didn't do his job in a way that hurt you that is what happened he deserves what he gets and she didn't know he was supposed to have done it so it wasn't like she threw him under the bus on purpose and is it common for non-practicing muslims in non-muslim countries to wear a hijab i know the customs vary from place to place but all of the hijab wearing women i know are religious most women who wear the hijab in non-muslim countries do observe religious customs and practice islam of course there are exceptions as to each their own and the sad toxic families that might pressure a woman to wear a hijab against her will generally speaking it's a sign that the woman does practice because hijab is not an easy thing to observe and requires a lot of sacrifice even without taking into consideration bias and prejudice against it i am a hijabi in a country where the majority of the population is muslim and even here it's hard i do wear it completely of my own volition and i'm proud to practice but i don't even pretend that it's easy posted by user mandarine special titled am i the a-hole for unknowingly exposing someone as having a small penis first time posting here also english isn't my first language so please excuse any mistakes me 25 female and some friends had a hangout at my house last week restrictions in my province are more relaxed now up to 10 people can meet in open spaces two metres apart from each other i have a large backyard so space wasn't a problem one of my friends elle 24 female brought her boyfriend r 21 male along they haven't been on the best of terms as of late but they've been handling it by themselves our group provides support and advice when asked but we don't ask for every detail in their relationship like what they do in private sex life etc now i have dogs 12 female 3 female 1 female and a 4 month old male puppy regardless of their ages i will address them with silly names and made up words because they're my babies all adopted either from the streets or from the shelters they are free to roam the backyard to their leisure as i have a fence and my friends absolutely adore to pet them especially when the stress levels are high like during these times so of course the dogs are outside with us in our hangout at one moment the puppy did something cute maybe he yawned i can't remember that honestly and i squealed and called him one of the silliest names i call him a word that if you're imaginative enough could mean small penis or small thing in my language everyone else laughed except for r i didn't realize at that instance but when i eventually looked up to him he was bright red in the face and very quiet he stayed like that for the rest of the hangouts even looking at elle in a weird way like he was angry and sad at the same time eventually everyone but l and dar left because l had compromised on helping me clean up out of nowhere when i had left the kitchen to bring the stuff in r started arguing with elle and by the time i went back in there was a full-blown screaming match r was accusing elle of being untrustworthy and a [ __ ] and elle was crying saying she had no idea what he was talking about eventually i learned that r felt called out for having a small penis in front of everyone else something only l knew about he thought l had told me and that i had decided to use that one silly name that may or may not mean small penis to make fun of him and that everyone else understood the hidden meaning behind it and laughed in his face i tried to explain to him but he was too angry and left leaving elle at my house and i had to call a taxi for her for the past week it's been a mess r is convinced that l has been venting out her sexual frustrations to us and we've been trying to tell him that it wasn't true but he is stubborn elle wants us to explain to him in person but we've been telling her that he's not listening to reason and that the way he got enraged was scary and definitely a red flag i honestly had no idea he had those insecurities and if i had known i'd never have used that word in front of him but now i'm worried i may have stepped out of line regardless so am i the a-hole edits well i never expected so many comments while i was asleep i'll answer as many as i can before i leave for work thank you everyone there are still no updates with ellen da but as soon as there is one i'll let you know i don't see how op could possibly be the a-hole in this instance that's just r reading into everything too much and not understanding what is going on in front of his eyes it seems like a conspiracy theory gone wild and sometimes people just lash out and that's life you can't really control people's reactions all you can do is control how you react and how you move forward from this situation i can't really blame either party it seems a lot of miscommunication is going on but regardless he's the a-hole opie is not the a-hole not the a-hole he outed himself by not laughing and more important this is just flat out hilarious but i hope elle is okay they still live together but they're sleeping separate now she's unhurt as in they haven't had any physical fights but i have a feeling she may not be telling me everything that he says to her we are as a group offering her support and even ways out of there but she may still be trying to fix the unfixable not the a-hole you called your dog a nickname there's no way you could have known elle might want to start dating someone who actually trusts her though r blew up after a perceived slight and then refused to believe her when she explained that she hadn't told you anything there had been trust issues in their relationship in the past from both sides at first i believed they were silly things but the more i think about those small incidents they may have been foreshadowing just how bad it was under the surface okay he dropped these red flags everywhere how could you possibly be the a-hole here he is clearly looking for things to be mad about if a nickname for a puppy is going to send him over the edge boy bye red flag i tend to make up names and silly words to call my dogs and it wouldn't be the first time i accidentally came up with something that sounded somewhat lewd or insulting but it was the first time ever that someone heard me and didn't laugh it off but instead became so enraged so i was unsure i do agree that he is way too quick to snap out at something like this the whole group agrees we're just looking for a way out for l at this point and see how to help her i'm curious what word did you use in spanish i used the word beechulin it could be used for a small thing slash animal because air sounds cute but maybe also a small penis because picho is a vulgar word to refer to a penis where i live i honestly didn't think of that possible connection when i used it for my puppy posted by user calm demand 5746 titled am i the a-hole for throwing my sister out of my house after she billed me my sister is a trainwack she needed a place to stay and i have a large enough home for an extra person she has no job or income i told her she has a few months to get her crap together and leave i give her about a hundred dollars a week to keep my house clean so she has some cash i gave my sister her 100 and she said i owe her more i was confused she said she did other work for me i asked her what more did she do she said she walks my dog in the afternoon i walk my dog every morning and evening but she takes him with her and her afternoon walks she said the going rate for a dog walker is 25 per walk 5 by 25 is 125 on top of the 100 then she mentions she put together a scrapbook of personal letters and papers according to her etsy that job was easily another 75 i told her i never gave her permission to do those things her argument is that those jobs fell under the umbrella of keeping the house clean and i was ripping her off so i threw her out the money isn't the issue i have plenty of disposable income i was disgusted how she came at me i feel like we don't have enough information about the sister's life to see if it really was and you're the a-hole or not the a-hole situation here i mean this woman could easily just be deep in mental illness and be needing the support right now or she could be dying from cancer any like range of things we don't have that information all that we know is that you said she's a train wreck and she needs to place to stay for a while definitely with the way that the story is presented you are not the a-hole she is just trying to get even more cash off of you when you know you've done so much for her already she is delusional if she thinks that she can charge you 75 bucks according to her etsy and then all these dog walkers fees when you're paying her to live with you this is just nonsense not the a-hole i would have counted with a bill for food rent and utilities every time i tried to pull this crap with my dad when i was little he would counter with that show her what real expenses look like yeah one of my sisters did that once it went over like a turd in a punch bowl what the [ __ ] not the a-hole do as she did bill her for rent according to local housing prices her share of order electricity internet groceries etc i'd do this to show her the reality of her situation to be honest i'd go all out sit her down like an intervention have all of the utility bills to hand create a budget sheet etc if i was being particularly petty as per the scrap booking i'd charge her for the financial consultation too exactly not to get money from her but someone that entitled has to learn about everything he did for her that this isn't free what she takes for granted or takes it's owed to her i know what it means to have a family that has your back and how precious this is many families aren't like that and they have no obligation to in my opinion she really has to learn what a gift it is to have someone in your corner that is willing to help you over the rough patches you are not entitled to this help posted by user two times am i the a-hole o-o-o titled am i the a-hole for not letting my husband's ex-wife be my twin second mummy my 23 female husband matt 25 male married young to sophia they are both recovered drug addicts but my husband decided that a part of becoming clean he was also going to divorce her four years ago since at that time she didn't want to stop and he just couldn't do it anymore he left her and she never took this well but it helped as a push and she decided to get clean too after the divorce we met a year after that we dated for two and then got married last year she's a part of his life and i'm okay with that they got into contact again in 2018 when she tried to get back to him but he told her that he was already dating me she then tried to be his friend and he asked me if i was okay with this since she is his ex-wife and i said that i was no one to control his relationship but she made very clear that she hated me and that for her i was this little princess whose daddy handed her everything and had the perfect life which i'm not so my husband limited the contact with her she told him that she was pregnant a few months ago we congratulate her and which really happy for her but she had a miscarriage two weeks after and was so devastated i offered her my support since i had one in october of last year while my husband and i were trying for a baby i know how bad it is and i didn't want her to feel alone since the father wasn't in the picture we kept talking and we improved our relationship i won't say we became best friends but you could tell there was an intimacy between us she's trying for a baby but apparently her boyfriend has low sperm counts and it's a little hard she is so upset because they don't have the money for treatment or ivf and is always talking about how she can't wait to be a mother again well my husband and i found out in may that we were pregnant since we had to be in the house we took advantage of the circumstances to keep it a secret until it was something more certain as we already lost a baby two weeks ago we found out that they were twins and we started to tell people around us that we were going to be parents everyone was so happy and sophia started to say all the things she was gonna do when they arrived change their diapers putting them to sleep teaching them how to walk and about possible names things that you know parents do i told her that i appreciate the love she already has for them but that they were our babies and those things corresponded to us not to her she looked at me bluntly and then she started to cry and called me an a-hole for saying that that she knew they were our babies but my husband was already her ex-husband and that she could help and even be added to the family as a second mummy that they were two for something and one could be hers i got pretty mad i said what about your boyfriend she said he doesn't matter now i asked her to leave and now she and my husband's mum are saying that i'm a bear edit one okay guys i didn't expect this to blow as it did i was just hoping for a few more perspectives in this situation but thank you so much you've been so helpful and be sure my husband and i are reading all your comments and taking them seriously first thing i see a lot of you saying that my husband might leave me for her or that he enabled this behavior he didn't he felt guilty because he left her just like that he said that they were going to divorce and she thought he was joking but next thing she knows is that they are really divorcing and she signs the papers out of pride she thought that he was going to come back with her but he didn't obviously my husband has always been honest with me about his relationship with her and he told me about how he felt that he just got rid of her in his darker times and didn't think about how she might have felt or the worst case scenario before reconnecting there were times that he really believes she could be dead because she just disappeared for a while after she came back he just wanted to be over with those feelings and i said that it was okay he doesn't love her anymore and after she tried to go back he made this clear he told me as soon as he got home and we limited the contact after she lost her baby i was the one who reached out to give her comfort no one influenced me it might have been inappropriate but she really has no one she has some friends but those are ex-drug addicts too or people that aren't too close to her to vent or ask for help i really thought we would be able to help each other my husband never played buddy buddies with her he was just closing that part of his life after what happened we decided to cut her and she knows it edit two please guys understand that my husband wasn't her baby daddy he doesn't want to be with her anymore he doesn't love her he has told me that himself and more importantly he has told her that too i think we've made it pretty obvious now that opie is not the a-hole for cutting this woman out of their life she seems like she's in a very dark place and she does need help although being the ones to support her is not the right decision i feel like in this situation we've seen the effects of it and we've seen how dependent she becomes on them that's not healthy and that's not the way to make progress as unfortunate as it is i do think that cutting her out was the right decision and she needs to make her way in life from this point forward she can't be there being a second mummy just it doesn't work it's not gonna go well there is no good outcomes here in most circumstances not the a-hole that's weird also the fact that your husband's mum is siding with her is a tad concerning she always liked her more she thought her son was more happy and more smiley and laughed more with her and now he's more quiet and serious but that's just who he is he said he laughed a lot more because he used to be high all the time has it not occurred to her that he was happy and smiley because he was sky high on drugs i highly doubt it had much to do with the ex-wife some enabling mothers like their sons to be high on drugs it means they will still need their mummy they are usually sick and need to feel needed and in control and sadly the child is an addict because of their effed up mother who won't let them grow up and be independent as someone who dated a heavy addict this is absolutely right she would constantly run her mouth about how sick she was of my ex's ways but continuously enabled him and coddled him even when he was stealing from his dying grandmother it was insane to witness and opie says yeah he told me that she was also sick of him and threatened to kick him out because a junkie won't be screwing their family image and they would constantly fight and his dad never did anything to make her stop but they kept inviting him to the family reunions and they mostly ended with him leaving to his ex and doing drugs after he got a girlfriend his mother started to be more easy on him because now he didn't fight that much and was smiling laughing and joking he seemed happy now but that was just on the outside in private they used to fight a lot they were both very aggressive and he just couldn't do it anymore she is convinced i sucked the happiness out of him and at first i used to believe it but if not being mr comedy is what it takes for him to be alive then so be it posted by user titled am i the a-hole for investing part of my daughter's college fund in my wife's new business my 55 male wife of two years 31 is very unhappy with her life because she feels like there's never anything fun or important to do she did not finish college and feels too old to do so so jobs are also out of the question so it's no wonder that when her sister said she wanted to start her own boutique and take my wife on as a business partner that my wife's mood started drastically shifting upwards starting a boutique is rather costly and it's been tough to get investment on their end because potential investors are saying that there are too many boutiques but i believe in their passion and think that if this worked out it would be a good chance for my wife to feel like she's doing something meaningful i'm not terribly liquid right now but it would be another four years before my daughter goes to college so i ended up investing thirty thousand dollars from the fund that our late mother and i put together i told her and she was furious with me and kept trashing my wife's business idea saying it was dumb and she was dumb am i the a-hole it's not like my daughter is going to college soon but right now i really want to make my wife happy and not go into an early midlife crisis because she feels powerless in her life she said herself this was a chance for her to do something important for her life op you are whipped you are one whipped son of a bear jeez how whipped are you that you're just gonna throw away your daughter's college fund like that you say your late wife so she's not even here anymore you're kind of desecrating your wife's grave by just saying you know what this much younger hotter wife of mine 24 years younger her happiness is better than my daughter's happiness and career financial future security who cares chuck money at her it's like i'm just gonna burn this money who cares this is possibly the worst thing you could do with thirty thousand dollars who even knows if your job is going to survive op what are you doing with your life you're the a-hole that money is for your daughter's future something that your late wife invested in your wife is only 31. that's not too old to finish college or to do literally anything else that doesn't require you attempting to drain your daughter's funds if your daughter comes across this i'd advise her to contact a trusted family member to talk some sense into you right you aren't too old to get a college degree plenty of people do way older than 31. i can't believe op thinks it's okay to steal from his own child's college fund knowing full well what that was set up for jesus you're the a-hole i work for the big public medical school in my state we just had a mother-daughter team get accepted to residencies at the same hospital different fields education is lifelong oh i'm hearing something a message from the other side it's your late wife she's she's speaking to me she's saying ah something no wait no she's saying ahol why the hell are you sacrificing your child's future for your new floozy you're the a-hole and what a piece of work you are stealing from your own child are you dressing her in rags and calling her cinderella too posted by user parkilana titled am i the a-hole for not allowing my cousin to use my plans for her assignments which resulted in her getting a very bad grade hi rita i 21 female love plants and have been into gardening for years now i grow everything from vegetables to flowers it's a hobby that i really work hard for taking care of plants is not easy or cheap but i love doing it my cousin 24 female is an agriculture student for her assignments she needed some root samples from my plants her idea was to uproot my plants chop a tiny piece of roots and then plant them again she also just showed up at my house with a shovel and a knife i got very hurt that she thinks she can just uproot my plants like that and told her that i don't want her to do that to my plants i use mud pots anyone who's into gardening understands that roots tend to stick themselves in mud pots and operating these roots can really hurt a plant because i didn't allow her to use my plants as a sample for her project she told me i irritated her and went back to her house i was left confused all that happened at seven in the morning i just received a message from her later that day saying she had to submit her assignment without any samples and she can't believe i didn't help her out her assignment was graded and she got a bad grade she got mad at me very mad and involved our mothers she is blaming me for her bad grade her explanation is that because i didn't let her use my plant's roots her assignment was incomplete and that's the reason her grade is bad my mom is not mad at me she knows the only friends i have are my plants and she understands i love my mom her mum says i overreacted and should have helped my sister out my cousin is not talking to me i feel bad i never wanted her to get a bad grade i just got a little nervous when she all of a sudden showed up and said she wanted to uproot my plants i'm very confused i hope i presented this scenario well thank you if you read the whole thing i'm no plant connoisseur myself so i can't speak on behalf of the plant community but i'm sure if it's going to kill your plants there's no reason for her to be uprooting yours sounds like she had ample time to go get her own plants to then get a root sample of why did she just throw this on you seems like a stupid idea and she's facing the consequences of it hopefully she doesn't do it again not the a-hole op why wouldn't she speak to you about this long before the day it was due it was her own poor planning that made her get a bad grade i think she should have called before coming so i could just have on phone told her that i can't let her uproot my plants that would have saved her a lot of time and would have saved me from that awkwardness thanks for applying no problem i actually just got done repotting one because it was root bound and not draining right try using grow bags it prevents plants from getting root bound and allows them to grow a healthier root system my plants thrive in them top tip for the day are root plant enthusiasts posted by user cream of the a titled am i the a-hole told guy he was strictly friends with benefits in front of his parents i was widowed young and left with three kids under six i don't know what i would have done without my late husband's family despite being crushed they have been there for me and i would have never made it without them thankfully my husband left a lot of life insurance and i took over his small business i had stepparents and it sucked so i decided to not remarry at least as long as my kids were at home after a few years i decided to start dating i was always up front and told the guys that they'd never meet my kids and i'll never remarry two years ago i started dating bob he's fun and we have a lot in common he was good with my rules once the pandemic restrictions started relaxing we got together for a long weekend at his parents cabin he immediately started talking about the future our future how we'll get married he'll adopt my kids and i'll give him half of my home and my business i shut him down hard told him that if he wasn't good with things the way they'd been we needed to break up then i left he called once i was home and begged me to reconsider i repeated what i'd already said and he agreed everything seemed back to normal when he asked me to help his parents paint they'd had a small house fire and were trying to do as much of the repairs themself as possible i'd met them they're nice people so i said yes we are eating lunch when his mom tells me she can't wait to finally meet my kids and when's the wedding i say that's not happening the entire family immediately starts pressuring me bob sits there with a crap-eating grin i was ticked i tried to get them to stop and they just wouldn't i stood up looked at him and said you're just a friend with benefits i would never ever marry you lose my number his mum started screaming that i was a [ __ ] and unworthy of her son his brothers were laughing hysterically his dad looked like i'd shot him i feel bad about his mum and dad am i the a-hole to the misinformed parents and family at the time i'm sure you came across as the a-hole because of their misguided information that their son was giving you but it seems like he knew what he was doing the whole time he deserves to be embarrassed in front of his whole family pressuring people like that doesn't work you know you can't just marry someone adopt their kids and take over half their home in business kind of seems like he was doing this all for himself he's a terrible human being with that motive in mind and you're within your rights to do everything you've done in fact you're not an a-hole at all you've done nothing to warrant being one you didn't shoot him down you didn't make fun of his appearance he didn't make fun of his family you came and offered to help and he springs this on you he's terrible and you've literally done nothing wrong in this situation not the a-hole he thought he could pressure you into doing what he wanted by doing it in front of his family good for you for standing your ground yup that's the vibe i got unbelievably manipulative he's showing you that he's a okay with emotional blackmail and not at all concerned with what you want or your consent i can't agree with this enough i was already arching eyebrows when she was giving him half of her home and business but this full-on assault by his family while he sat there in grins where to go opie you made the best decision ever i hope he never lives it down if he ever brings another woman home for family dinner i hope this is the story of the brothers tell remember when he brought home opie not the a-hole because you laid out your terms for lack of a better word at the start may seem harsh to some but it's what you need and it sounds like you're sticking to it i do find it odd that while we're talking about your supposed future he mentions you giving him half your business and home maybe it was innocent enough but it just struck me as odd i'd be wary after hearing that it was a massive red flag i'm kind of embarrassed i glossed over it not the a-hole you have boundaries on your relationship you are acting more than friends with benefits but nobody should be pressuring you to marry and he should not be lying to his family about an engagement i'd never actually considered him a friend with benefits it was said in anger which is why i feel guilty for saying that in front of his parents yeah you said it in the heat of the moment i get that you still are not the a-hole posted by user mavra the zombie titled am i the a-hole for talking back to my dad's new wife parents divorced while i was in high school i'm 22 now found out dad got married last year neither my sister nor i had even known he was dating anyone and only found out about the wedding from a cousin we have sunday lunches with him every weekend and since she was only sometimes in the country mostly working abroad she is never there fine we did not ask to meet her he did not talk about her i am not close to my father one little bit never was i mostly go as my older sister's support bam the wife is there one weekend we did not know she would be she is extremely extremely chatty and i hate it i'm introverted and shy do not get pushy with me i will be uncomfortable she is also nosy and noisy first she brings up how i should turn down my promotion because the job isn't that good then she goes on to say what a pity it is that i go to college i calmly replied i didn't go because it'd have to be paid for by my dad who was an unreliable jerk at the best of times my sis literally had to quit halfway through because he's just stopped paying i just calmly said i disagree nope i like the job don't want college etc short answers but disagreeable ones then she watches me eat lunch sees how little i ate and gets straight into me about my weight i am a guy i am tall and i am skinny basically jack skellington i snap and tell her it's none of her business. she shuts up for a minute and the time spent there proceeds with me and my sister ignoring her we do not want a relationship with this woman and then when we turn on a movie to watch it was scream and she says as your stepmother i don't think you should be watching scary movies i snap at her and tell her she's not my stepmother she opens her mouth again but i just add no before she can say anything now she's ticked at me calling me rude to the rest of the family dad is the typical neutral spineless doormat grandma is on my side sister too however most of the others think i took it too far and should apologize it might matter that i don't feel bad one little bit that i snapped which is what motivated me to post here am i the a-hole this woman has been nothing but nasty you returned the same energy i'm sure she thinks you're an a-hole and if any other family agree with her then they're the a-holes too in this situation she's obviously never been a step-mother before doesn't understand the intricacies of the job and thinks she can just lambaste herself into this one i'm completely on your side for this one op she sounds insufferable and i don't blame you for blowing up because she literally has no power here not the a-hole you're an adult she is not a parent figure in your life you tried she sounds very judgmental and wanting to be in control and seriously who finds screams scary and tells another adult to not watch it it's because it was the uncut version in this the iconic opening kill shows a whole lot of guts hanging from both bodies fair enough but still you're an adult and can choose to watch whatever she shouldn't control your actions under the face of claiming a step parent relationship not the a-hole the whole situation is messed up that's a given i just think it's hilarious a woman your father secretly married starts to assert she's your stepmother the first time you met her and chastises you for watching scary movies she is delusional i honest to god would not be surprised to learn dad told her we consider her that for all i know she thought we had refused to come to the wedding he's a spineless little crap weasel mama's boy and always has been i do not think she's a bad person i just think she's socially inept my dad's the one i consider the a-hole here

Channel: Markee

Views: 51,924

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: M0FEbeM7Ejo

Length: 154min 20sec (9260 seconds)

Published: Fri Sep 04 2020