r/AmiTheA**Hole For Refusing To Say "I LOVE YOU"

g'day there guys i participate in full contact origami on the weekends to blow off steam it's marky here and welcome back to another episode of our slash am i the a-hole now if you love today's content i want you to sit back relax chuck a prawn on the barbie a like on the video and tell me what you think of all these down in the comments below thank you posted by user throw r-a-i-z-g titled am i the a-hole for not saying i love you to my daughter my youngest daughter is 22 whenever she calls she ends the call with i love you and i say you too at our last talk right when we were about to get off the line she asked why don't you ever say i love you back i told her because meaningful love is shown through actions and she said i want you to say it and i said sweetie you can't force me to say it then she said then i guess i won't talk to you again until you're ready i thought she was joking but when i walked into the living room today my wife was on the phone with her and she said wait hun your dad just walked in and she said that she didn't want to talk to me unless i said i loved her even my wife laughed because listen nobody on my side of the family says i love you my parents never said it to my siblings and die my biological uncles and aunts don't say it and my grandparents don't say it they would say things like i'm proud of you you make me so happy i'm so glad you're my child i don't know what i would do without you and so on all things i've told my children growing up we believe that love is given and shown through actions so i get awkward when girlfriends would say it and expect me to say it back i never did i never said i love you to my wife or any of my four daughters or three sons or anybody in my whole life but what i think it is is that my older children grew up when a lot of my side of the family was still alive so they understood where i got it from my youngest daughter mostly grew up around my wife's family who says i love you all the time still some people might say oh just say it it won't cost you anything but to me it will it's cheap to me by saying it it would feel to me that all the love i've shown to her through my actions over the years were meaningless opie i'm gonna be honest here that's a cop out that's a complete cop-out you saying that i don't believe you to her i love you is shown through spoken word we all have different love languages yours was through actions hers is through words because that's the environment she's been raised in and you know that's the environment she's raised in she's not getting that same intention from you she's seeing your actions and she's judging you by those actions she feels loved because the actions you're showing to her are not ones that she correlates with love i think this is a cop-out because saying i love you is still an action and you're showing your love through going the extra mile for her just because you're uncomfortable with it it's your daughter after all and does your daughter not deserve to feel loved your actions of telling her it isn't real if i say i love you i can say everything else you wouldn't understand that's directly showing her that you don't love her in this moment that's not fair on your daughter go the extra mile do it for her and eventually i believe you will change your mind you're the a-hole in this situation you're the a-hole so you don't love her because otherwise why won't you say it you're just telling the truth just because you show it by actions doesn't mean that you can't also say it once in a while this refusal to say i love you reminds me of those people who never say sorry my mom's like that she's of the opinion that apologizing doesn't change the thing that happened so there's no point but you don't apologize for yourself or to undo the things that you did to hurt someone you apologize because it shows the other person that you acknowledge you hurt them and you want to affirm their feelings it's the same with saying you love someone you do it for them not for you my parents never apologized to me or each other when i was growing up because they bought into the whole family means never having to say your sorry thing and honestly it gave me a really messed up view of families and relationships i don't understand why people insist on being like my parents or op i grew up in a family that doesn't apologize we just went to our separate corners until we weren't angry anymore then ignored that anything happens it's taken me a hot second to undo that habit screaming matches at 4pm silence from everyone for three hours laughing together while listening to music at 7 pm no apologies ever spoken by anyone i think the dog is the only one that ever gets apologized to hella functional lol opie your daughter is telling you that the best way you can show it to her is to say it you're the a-hole i was on the fence until i read this one i don't like to say i love you either because i feel like the less often i say it the more it means plus words of affirmation is my lowest ranking love language however op's daughter basically just told them this is my love language i have a hard time hearing yours and opie basically replied with i don't care i'm using mine deal with it which is not how that works you're the a-hole edits just to clarify i didn't mean to imply it the more i say it the less it means what i said the less i say it the more it means one can absolutely say i love you a billion times a day and it can still mean just as much let's say she dies tomorrow and you find a letter that says i wish you would have said it just once tomorrow night will you wish you would have said it because she's basically writing that letter now she's just not dead yet posted by user sidekara maya titled am i the a-hole for announcing my engagement at my twin sister's wedding my twin sister and i both 24 have always had some kind of weird rivalry it's never really came from my side always hers our dad left our family when we were 10 and because she wasn't that close to our mum and i was it created the resentment she now has for me we have ups and downs in terms of our relationship about a week ago my sister got married to her boyfriend of one year i've never really liked their relationship nor did i approve of them getting married so soon but i went to the wedding my fiance and i got engaged about a week beforehand and due to her wedding she asked if i would keep it under the radar until after the wedding which i hesitantly agreed to to me it was just a sign of insecurity my fiancee and i have been together for almost seven years she shacked up with the first person who showed interest the wedding comes and it's all fine until the reception it was fairly large and a lot of people who i hadn't seen since we graduated high school were there so i obviously took it as a chance to catch up i've just got engaged i'm not gonna go take my ring off to appease my sister so naturally i got questions which i honestly responded to i didn't go out of my way to tell anybody we were engaged but if someone asked i'd told them which i don't see anything wrong with it's unlikely i'll see many of the attendees again so why should i have to wait towards the end of the night my mum and sister pulled me aside absolutely furious with me saying i'd made the night all about me which i absolutely hadn't it was a quick congratulations with each conversation and that was it i didn't get on top of the stage and announce it they've both cut me off for apparently being incapable of letting other people have their time to shine and pretty much everyone in our family and close circle of friends has told me i'm in the wrong am i the a-hole i initially thought that it was an everyone's sucks here judgment because you shouldn't be expected to take your engagement ring off after you get engaged it kind of seems silly to tell that to someone but at the same time he absolutely had the choice to do it just for this wedding for people he'd never see again because it doesn't matter like he said it doesn't matter if these people know that he's engaged because they're not going to see him again so this flipped my thought process to empathizing with the married family thinking that oh he kind of is upstaging it he definitely has the choice to not do it and he's still doing it anyway that does make him an a-hole regardless of how he thinks he wants to justify this one i think it's simply unacceptable to announce relationship goals like that especially engagements engagements even if it's in this form it's a no-go at someone else's wedding please just don't do it control yourself it hasn't been formally announced yet and this is a pseudo-announcement of sorts going around at the wedding doing it it absolutely breaks that rule you're the a-hole you're the a-hole everyone else has told you so why are you expecting a different answer here the way you wrote about the situation and the way you went about it sounds so slimy and snaky if you didn't want to do it then you should have said no when they ask you to keep it under wraps definitely not a one-sided rivalry and you're not as innocent as you make yourself out to be right opie said she was close with her mom if the mom is calling them an a-hole that says a lot i'm very close with my mum and she'll call me out if i do something crappy and if she thinks something i did was an a-hole move that i know i was definitely in the wrong the weird thing is rop doesn't give any examples of what the sister did that would indicate they were in competition opie you're the a-hole stop thinking you're so high and mighty because you have more time in a relationship under your belt they could be totally compatible and form a deep connection in a year's time stop being crappy you're the a-hole why is it a sign of insecurity that your sis doesn't want you running around telling everyone about your engagement at her own wedding it's her day let her have it not gonna lie i got some kind of pleasure and glee reading both her mother and sister went to no contact with her and most likely more will too maybe one day she will learn to be a bit less of a horrible human posted by user no crap sherlock one titled am i the a-hole for calling out a girl who was acting like a ho during dinner at a restaurant excuse me i 21 female don't make friends all that easy i'm picky about who i want to hang out with because i believe you really need to vibe to be friends that said i'm not normally a mean person just selective with who i really let into my life my boyfriend's 22 male knows this and asked if i wanted to go to dinner with a few of his military buddies we are both in the army so this would be a great way for me to make some friends since i tend to vibe pretty well with other military people anyway so we go to this dinner at a family restaurant and just three other guys and an air force girl i crap you not when i say she was acting like a ho all night and i immediately didn't like her some examples of her behavior one calls her two-year-old kid a crotch goblin and brags that she pawns him off to her mother because she hates how much he cries 2. mentioned loudly and several times that she's slept with two of the guys also eating dinner also very in-depth description of said sexual encounters 3. told my boyfriend that she was going to steal me from him and showed me a picture of her breasts 4. asked my boyfriend if he would eat her ass later winked and slipped him her number there's more but for the sake of the post i'll stop there so at one point one of the guys was showing us a picture of a guy's dick that had been bitten by a snake he's fine now as a medic i really wanted to see purely out of curiosity she kept trying to get him to put the phone away and making a huge deal about how we were in a public restaurant and it wasn't appropriate i had had too many drinks at this point and finally snapped and said something like why the hell are you suddenly concerned about your public image you've been acting like a hoe all night and obviously you've seen plenty of dick can't handle one more she got ticked off and left in a huff after throwing water in my food and called me a [ __ ] the guys all laughed and said that she had it coming but i feel kinda bad am i the a-hole eta forgot to mention that she kept grabbing one of the guy's dicks after he said no and had just had his fiancee of five years leave him for a friend eta i apologize for not making it clear but the rest of the group tried to politely get her to stop several times both groping and comments we were actually all being fairly respectful but she really took it to another level also none of us were drunk just having a few drinks with our meal unpopular opinion here i'm gonna say that rp was not the a-hole if it was a guy in the same situation you wouldn't really think a woman saying that to him for groping women and doing all that and being so abrasive she wouldn't be an a-hole she would be in the right because it would be her protecting her friends from someone harassing them and not taking no for an answer i think she did this in a very confrontational and drunk way but given how this woman was interacting with the group and the level of drunkenness and then this sudden change in tune saying oh put that dick pic away i think it's fully acceptable what op did i think it's not the a-hole i think everyone sucks here could be applied to the situation although i personally don't agree with it everyone sucks here lots of rude behavior here for a public place it sounds like she has a lot of issues and you didn't respond well but then it sounds like you also have some stuff to work out since you drank too much as you said yourself and were part of the rowdiness sharing the dick pic in a family restaurant until you weren't for real is this just the military culture or something i was cringing the entire time like it's all good everyone's just sleeping together etc getting drunk in a family restaurant and looking at pics of a snake butt and a dick name-calling etc like reserve this behavior for your own home don't inflict it on other people in a restaurant and yes opie i was cringing at your comment to her as well it all seems so trashy to me like everyone needs to learn to behave in public op says i was drinking yes but i was far from rowdy honestly she was making a scene the entire time i was trying to get to know the other people but she kept taking over the conversation we got a lot of crappy looks throughout the night and literally all of them were directed at her i guarantee you they weren't just directed at her also we were in a corner where no one would be able to see anything but they could certainly hear it all tables were far enough apart for obvious reasons that no one would have been able to see that there was a deformed dick pic which means that in a family restaurant people could hear you talking about some guy's snake bitten dick and i highly doubt that it was the only inappropriate conversation that you had at your table i agree with everyone's sexier verdict obviously the woman who sexually harassed you and your boyfriend and sexually assaulted someone sucks more but you and the rest of your group seem like you don't know how to behave like normal people in public either pro tip don't discuss anyone's genitals in public also i hope the dude who had his dick bitten gave consent for that photo to be shared if not the guy sharing it with you was the a-hole for that reason too posted by user go43 titled am i the a-hole for walking out of my house in shock over my wife's priorities would just like to preface this by saying i 37 male walked out not in malicious protest but because i wanted to cool off so here goes my wife 38 female and my daughter 11 got into a jockey discussion about alien invasions and apocalyptic situation then my daughter asks if my wife would protect her in this situation and my wife says i love you more than i love anybody else in the world yes she says that in front of me my wife then puts her arm around my shoulder and goes on to say that her father aka me and i would use each other as shields against any danger that comes to her meaning she'd gladly sacrifice me at that point i picked up my keys and said gee thanks go ahead and start lunch without me my wife suddenly gets self-righteous and says there was no way i could expect to choose a spouse over a kid i feel like she just had a crap on our entire marriage and life valves and the principle aside the fact i was furious i think should have been enough to excuse me leaving the house so i left the house and drove around to cool off then i went over to my sister's house because i told her how upset i was and as a result she and her spouse invited me to have dinner with them i may have ignored some calls from my wife but she knew where i was and in addition i just couldn't see her or be in the house at that moment i always felt like my wife loved the kids more than me and it hurts the fact that she would hypothetically and just casually throw me to the wolves was making me question if i loved her more than she loved me and if so why i bothered to give her my loyalty when there could be other women you know like my sister who valued their spouse more than anything am i the a-hole not for my beliefs but for the fact that i took the time to cool off i needed this time because i was seriously and suddenly regretting a lot of the sacrifices i made for this woman when it wasn't like i didn't have other options women in their early 20s who have hit on me but who i ignored in favor of the woman who i thought would put me first jesus christ dude you have some problems you have some serious problems going on why has this one hypothetical situation just unraveled your entire reality these are just insecurities gone wild it seems like i really think you need to have a sit down and talk to your wife about this because you two are obviously not on the same page maybe if you have an in-depth discussion with her and understand where she's coming from and why she's saying that and maybe that it's not okay to say that you'd sacrifice your kids to your kids how that wouldn't be a cool thing i don't know man i feel like you've just jumped at the first sign of oh my god my wife wouldn't do the same for me without thinking of everything surrounding this it's a bit crazy get some help you're the a-hole you're the a-hole and you should consider therapy to find out why your emotional growth was stunted in your teens this really sounds like it was written by a crazy person i kept waiting for it to make sense but it just never did but wait did you read the bit about him not banging hot women in their 20s he could have done it if he'd known his wife would save his child over him you see so it makes perfect sense you're the a-hole obviously this man is absolutely fudging delusional who in the hell gets this upset at their spouse for saying that in such an extreme hypothetical scenario they would protect their child over their spouse he sounds so similar to my father i have been laughing for a good minute my father said very similar things throughout my childhood to me and my sis so i believe people like this exist my father will complain all the time that my mum cared more about me and my sister than him i am so happy that she left him after she left him it was i don't know why i stayed with your mother i had women half my age all over me and i always refused them i was a professional bartender for many years in an affluent northern va suburb and i swear every single divorced guy that hit on me said the same thing after we had kids i took a backseat on her priorities and i always thought maybe if you helped with the kids she would have had more time for you guy being jealous of your own kids is ridiculous but very common you're the a-hole dude you are way overreacting about a stupid hypothetical scenario what exactly did you want your wife to say to your daughter oh of course i wouldn't save you sweetie and your daddy wouldn't either we would both let you die because daddy is the most important person in this house and yes storming out of the house like a child and refusing to answer the phone makes you even more of an a-hole than getting your fifi's hurts just because you think you should be put before your child's not to mention his addendum that he basically chose to marry this woman over better options dude please because he thought this woman would mollycoddle him the most and has a temper tantrum because his chosen doormat dares to care about the feelings of their minor children over his fifis posted by user throw ra afs titled am i the a-hole for not inviting my daughter to a family gathering my ex-wife and i split amicably when our daughters were 16 14 and 12. my oldest daughter told me that she hated me and that she wished i wasn't her father the last time i tried to speak to her was at her graduation i stood off to the side as she took pictures my other two daughters ran over and tugged me but my oldest daughter pretended not to see me until her friend started pointing to me and saying i think that's your father she came over and said why do you have to ruin everything i left and my ex ran up to the car as i was about to pull off and asked what had happened i told her and she said i'm so sorry and sat in the car and cried with me then she got angry and wanted to make my daughter apologize but i told her to leave it alone because she was 18 now and it was supposed to be her day my daughter caught later on and left an apology on my voicemail which was obviously forced i didn't even respond come on man the years passed and i got to experience everything i missed with my younger daughters i was there to intimidate their boyfriends when they went to prom i took pictures with them at graduation i saw them go off to college now my daughters are 26 24 and 22. the oldest one reached out to me and asked if we could meet up when we did she said she was sorry for everything and hoped that we could just move on and i asked her to be more specific and tell me what exactly she was sorry for but she just went silent so i told her when you're ready to talk again call me oh dude i had a little family get together just a little cookout with my wife my ex-wife and her husband and my two daughters and their husbands everyone knew about the graduation incident so they knew why my oldest daughter wasn't there but at some point during the cookout my oldest daughter called one of my youngest daughters and when she found out about the gathering and that i didn't invite her she started crying and hung up what's wrong with these people and abusing others in their lives especially their kids do we just not have a paternal instinct to be like you know what these kids are young they make mistakes we gotta just allow them to make the mistakes and hurt people and then learn from the hurt they cause so that we can lead them to be better people and in fact us shutting them down and stunting their growth like that is not conductive to proper mental health it does nothing for anyone besides hurt them and me being a child will only continue to hurt my daughter i don't know what screw went loose in opie's head where he did these very malicious things to his daughter who obviously was just going through a stage in her life where you know it's normal for us to be like don't take pictures of me you're embarrassing me they don't understand it they're not you so you're the a-hole for doing what you've done she might have been the a-hole a decade ago but you're it now her behavior was unkind and hurtful and it's okay to still be hurt over it but it's been eight years since her graduation she tried to reach out and it seems like you were merely focused on having your feelings about her teenage behavior validated by asking her to list her transgressions for you rather than actually re-establishing a relationship and if you decide that you don't want a relationship with her then that's your choice but you're going to have to accept that it's your choice not just her fault she may have been the one to damage the relationship to begin with but if she's trying to reach out and you're shooting her down that's on you although the post doesn't go into detail about why the daughter hates him from personal experience children rarely hate their parents for no reason there is missing information here ding ding ding and if the father cannot even fathom while the oldest child who statistically does the worst in divorces amicable and otherwise would have a grudge or some bad feelings in their teens then he wasn't doing his due diligence you are the a-hole op the years went by and you didn't even respond even if the apology was forced you could have been the bigger person or parent and said you know i can understand having confusing and mixed feelings you were harsh but it was your day you apologized and i appreciate that i'll always be your father and whenever you feel like you're ready to talk i'll be here to listen kiddo not the a-hole a bunch of folks on here have no idea how adult apologies work it is far more than just saying the words you don't get credit for showing up and speaking you have to put in the effort to resolve the hurt and move forward together she did nothing close to what was needed and expected for him to carry through the burden while she still acted like a child she is 26 so that does not fly anymore his party he gets to invite who he feels comfortable with and wants to spend time around just like when it was her day she got to dictate that he not be around agreed when i read she just wanted to move on i rolled my eyes like pretend nothing happened not even acknowledge that she was the a-hole posted by user throwaway 419-3729 titled am i the a-hole for siding with my husband instead of my daughter i want to start off by making it clear that my husband is also my daughter's father he's not a step-dad he is her dad last month my daughter came home to spend the weekend with us i had to run errands on sunday morning and when i got back i found my daughter screaming and cursing at my husband i asked both of them what happened but my daughter just walked off i found out from my husband that he made a joke and she was upset because she didn't like it my husband can have a strange sense of humor so this wasn't a surprise i heard the joke and i think it wasn't exactly a good joke but that still doesn't give her the right to scream at her father in his own house like that i found my daughter upstairs and since i didn't think she'd be willing to speak to her father just yet asked her to take some time to cool off and then apologize for yelling this made her start yelling at me about how she wasn't going to apologize she was expecting an apology if she didn't get one she was going to leave i didn't think he needed to apologize for a joke even if it was in bad taste and our daughter ended up leaving it's been almost a month and we haven't heard from her she won't reply to our texts or calls but her sister has been talking with her so we know she's getting them i'm starting to think i should have pressed my husbands to apologize to her am i the a-hole edits from what i understand this is what happens our daughter usually wears a lot of makeup it's a bit of a hobby for her that saturday she came downstairs without putting it on and my husband started laughing then he said did you ever let your ex-boyfriend see you like that no wonder he left that's when she started screaming at him of course he didn't mean it it was just a joke unfortunately he was the only one who found it funny but i don't think it's something to cut contact with us over dude that is so unnecessarily harsh to say to your daughter even if it's your stepdaughter jesus christ why do you think that's an okay thing to say that's not funny especially if you both as the parents of this daughter know that she's sensitive to things like that why did he think that was a good idea and then you backing him up makes this even worse you're not even defending your own flesh and blood you're just like oh calm down he's just attacking your insecurities and the reason that someone left you alone god why why are you freaking out so much you both suck i feel bad for this daughter you're the a-hole and so is your husband that joke was horrible and insensitive your daughter has a right to be upset and the fact you're defending him makes you a pretty crappy parent it's fairly telling that she didn't include the joke in the original post because deep down she knows her daughter has the right to be upset imagine asking someone to apologize for getting upset that someone called you ugly and that's the reason your significant other left you right and given her reaction i'm pretty sure that this is not the first second or even 10th time he said something like that to her you're the a-hole bingo i doubt this is because of a jerk it's probably because of a lifetime of that crap even if that wasn't the case still you're the a-hole it was a joke lighten up is what a-holes say to people they just said something crappy to as a way to shift the blame for their crappiness to the other person what your husband said was insensitive and cruel and you supported him over your daughter who was obviously hurt by her father's nasty comment you're the a-hole and your husband is a giant a-hole 2. posted by user throw r-a-x-b-h titled am i the a-hole for throwing one of my twin daughters over a fence while being chased by a dog my husband was having headaches so i decided to go to the pharmacy to get him some medication and i took my daughters with me i don't think it was that late but it was pretty dark out we could have took the car but the pharmacy is only a couple of blocks away from our house and the twins wanted to walk besides our neighborhood is pretty peaceful and they thought it would be good exercise while we were walking a dog started barking and lodging at us we didn't pay it too much attention because it was on a chain we went to the pharmacy got the medicine and on our way back we passed the dog again again it started barking and lunging at us but this time the chain snapped i saw a black mass moving fast towards us in my peripheral and i just picked up my daughters and ran my daughters are both five that's like 40 pounds each but adrenaline strength is real i used to run track in high school and college but nowhere near as fast as i was running in that moment with two kids and a plastic bag full of medication however the dog was right behind me and my daughter on the left side was slipping and i didn't want her to fall and get eaten or bit by a dog we were passing a house with a fence and i kinda tossed her over the fence into the lawn and kept running with my other daughter a guy had just parked his car and got out and i started running to him screaming help and he chased the dog away and walked with me while i went back to go get my daughter she was unhurt but she was crying and saying i left her and why couldn't i have thrown her sister instead no we get home and my husband asks us what took us so long i tell him we got chased by a dog and before i could tell the whole story our daughter blabs mummy threw me over the fence and runs to him and starts crying he looks at me upset and demands to know what happens after i finished telling him i thought he would understand but he starts saying things like what if she got hurt what if she fell on some glass and cut herself what if the dog stopped chasing you and jumped over the fence at her i was already feeling guilty and i wound up saying okay sorry i get it but he kept going no you don't get it blah blah blah and i yelled at him what should i have done then huh and here's your stupid medication next time get it yourself i swear i was going to throw the bag at his stupid face but they were all staring at me in shock because i'm not really a yeller and i felt bad i threw the bag on the counter instead and went to our room and slammed the door i did tuck the kids in for bed later and i had to apologize to them because they said mommy when you yelled at daddy you said the s word i.e stupid anyway my husband has kind of been tiptoeing around downstairs and i want him to come to bed already but i know we have to finish talking about this incident and i just wanted some perspective on this i don't think you suck in this situation i really do think you were looking after your uh child and you didn't really have an option what you're gonna drop that child and to just let it get mauled by a dog that's unacceptable and in the heat of the moment our monkey brain switches on and we do what we can with the best of our abilities sure she got thrown over a fence but it's better than the ladder happening and her getting attacked there is really no wiggle room in this one at least you were telling the truth and at least you got it out there i think you guys just need to reconcile and move on from this one the kids are not hurt and peace is back not the a-hole your instincts kicked in better her with a broken arm then mauled by a dog and traumatized husband wasn't there so he has no say at least opie did it with the idea of protecting her child in her head child slipping plus fence equals safe behind barrier unlike the mum who left her child behind in the middle of the road with a car hydroplaning towards him or the dude who thinks his wife should protect him first if the apocalypse happened sorry kids gotta make sure your gronas father is safe before i look after you i was so stupid that was the last episode i can't believe some people man not the a-hole this is no different from violently shoving someone out of the way of a speeding car the way we physically interact with someone's body when we believe it is in imminent mortal danger is obviously much more aggressive shoving throwing tackling than what anyone would normally do you made a split second decision to throw your daughter into the safety of an enclosed space rather than risk her or all three of you being mauled due to slowing down yes it was a risk but it was harm reduction a reasonable risk i understand your husband was probably freaked out but it was unreasonable for him to suggest that weighing the relative risks of snarling dog thundering towards us and possibility of glass on the other side of fenced yard is it all easy or clear-cut you did not have time to run through all the what-ifs and it's silly to expect anyone to do so in an emergency standing there dilly-dallying about all the possible outcomes could have gotten you or your children bitten saying no you don't get it is domineering and patronizing he's the one who wasn't there he should have the trust and humility to consider that he might not be the one who gets it and get the full story from his partner instead of a five-year-old and it's a bit concerning that his first reaction was to lecture you instead of you know ask what happened and if you're okay posted by user no zucchini 4614 titled am i the a-hole for going to work for a few days to teach my husband a lesson okay i get the title sounds horrible but hear me out i have a 12 year old son and a 13 month olds before the pandemic i worked part time went to school part-time and took care of the house and kids when not doing the other two since the pandemic i became a stay-at-home mom still going to school taking care of the house and kids but now with the school back in session and my son doing e-learning i also help a lot with that i have a pretty strict schedule that i keep for myself to allow me to get household chores and the schooling for myself and my son done each day one day last week i had a migraine nothing i did helped ease it at some point after 3 pm after my son was out of school and baby was down for a nap i laid on the couch to try and help the migraine which did help my husband came home while i was sleeping and was already in a crap mood and yelled at me that i didn't do anything all day except sleep eat and get fat i tried to explain to him that i hadn't been feeling well and napped because of that he said that was an excuse and how would i like it if i went to work all day and he was home with the children and i came in and he was asleep on the couch i said i would assume that you were tired or not feeling well husband took a few days off work i made arrangements with a friend to do temp work with her i went to work for a few days leaving him my daily schedule as a guide the first day he called me 20 times because he couldn't handle my son's schoolwork couldn't handle taking care of the baby couldn't even go to the bathroom without one of them needing something the second day he called me 10 times with the same complaints both days he was asleep on the couch because he was exhausted from trying to keep up with the kids and housework i went to work the third day he showed up with the kids and dropped them off without saying anything to me or my friend luckily my friends didn't mind when i got home the third evening he was asleep on the couch i let him sleep i mowed the grass pulled weeds cleaned up the house made dinner i tried to wake him for dinner he refused to wake up got the kids bathed and ready for bed before he woke up husband barely did the minimum of caring for the house and kids while i worked he said i did it to make him look like a crap parent i said no i did it to teach you a lesson that just because you don't see me actively doing something when you come home doesn't mean that i haven't done anything all day this all started because you refused to let me tell you i had a migraine and was just barely able to function that day luckily my oldest knows what he needs to do for schoolwork just sometimes needs some help with it baby is up at seven but goes down for a nap at 12 and he sleeps for three to four hours am i the a-hole for trying to get my husband to see what i do on a daily basis i'm surprised you allowed him to drop the kids to your work while you're doing some temp work for your friend and just didn't make a show of it i would have kicked his ass for doing that to me who the hell does he think he is he's a parent he doesn't get to just nod out on these responsibilities you're genuinely letting him get off the easy way here i'd give you an everyone sucks here for not letting him learn his lesson the hard way but ultimately it's not the a-hole because you're doing it a much softer way you know your husband you know how he ticks hey that's respectable that's commendable you're showing him that you're the alpha in this uh relationship and he's the beta nothing wrong with that uh you just show that you have a better ability to parent than he does by the looks of it and your emotional and mental strength is much stronger than his not the a-hole but don't let him do that to you again please yelled at me that i didn't do anything all day except sleep eat and get fats um not the a-hole i'm surprised you're tolerating that type of verbal abuse and i would highly recommend therapy and also a divorce attorney updates to clarify my position since several people are clutching their pearls at the mere mention of the d-word i would like to point out that i recommended a divorce attorney not a divorce for anyone experiencing spousal abuse verbal emotional or physical simply thinking of your exit strategy can be overwhelming and scary speaking with a divorce attorney can do several things one it can help you understand the laws of your state and the legal options available to you during the process two it can give you a sense of timeline and to understand how the process would work in the court system three it can give you an understanding of the division of custody and marital assets armed with this information you will be able to have better control over a situation should the need arise you'd never berate someone for speaking with an investment advisor for information or consulting a doctor for a second opinion so i'm not sure why consulting an attorney to understand how divorce works should continue to be so stigmatized by society and lilu pipu um great great name says please read this free book opie it will change your life and there should be a link to that that i've pinned in the comments below if you'd like to read it sunday's child says this book has helped me so much trying to understand my soon-to-be ex-husband's treatment of me it's amazing please read yes when i read it it changed my life i could finally make sense of what has happened and learned to take back my autonomy and personhood this book is important for anyone to read not the a-hole husband barely did the minimum of caring for the house and kids while i worked he said i did it to make him look like a crap parent no no no no i didn't do it to make you look like a crap parent i did it to show that you were being a crappy person to me but apparently i'm not done if you still have not learned the lesson posted by user gloomybread5596 titled am i the a-hole for telling my wife that it was bad parenting for her to take a pregnancy test with our daughter in the bathroom with her my wife had already taken one test and gotten a faint positive she was fairly sure she was pregnant because of that and the symptoms she had been experiencing so when she tested a few days later she asked our daughter if she wanted to do it with her our daughter did so they took the test together i only found out later when the test confirmed my wife was pregnant and she told me i let my wife know that i thought this was bad parenting our daughter ten is still too young to be exposed to things like that and certainly up close there was no reason or justification for it i have never heard of a mother doing a pregnancy test together with her daughter and even if it was a thing it would still be wrong in my view she also should have asked me first before she did something like this i don't think this decision should have been made unilaterally all of this makes it a really poor decision in my opinion my wife doesn't agree she felt it was a bonding experience and an opportunity for her and our daughter to talk about their bodies and educate her more on pregnancy and the reproductive system she thinks i owe her an apology for saying she acted like a bad parent in that situation i disagree not sure if either or both of us are being the a-hole i mean i don't think that she's the a-hole in this situation it's her daughter and she can educate the daughter on her body in whatever way she'd like i'm sure that's not perfectly putting it into words how it should be said but i'm dumb and i just think that the op in this situation is going about it so wrong he's just like no you can't do it because i don't think this is the way it should be done it should be done unilaterally and even then i don't agree with it like that's no way to parent that's no way to marriage that's no way to get along with another human being you don't just lay down the law you talk with them why did they do it why did you think it wasn't a good idea why do they think that you're wrong why do you think they're wrong and where can we come to a middle ground here you are just not allowing any room for discussion hero p you suck and i think you need to just learn that it was okay what she did you're the a-hole you do realize your daughter could start her period any day now or anytime in the next two years and all your wife did was pee on a stick and talk about hormones and fertility cycles i'm betting you're the a-hole ten is not too young my oldest started sex ed and puberty talks at 10 in school you're the a-hole i'm not sure any man even the father should try to criticize a mother for teaching her daughter about things related to reproduction certainly demonstrating that mummy can learn at home if she's pregnant or not isn't the first step in the decline and fall of the traditional family or whatever it is you hold dear nor should she be required to ask her husband's permission before talking to a female child about her own experiences this is a natural way to learn what do you think happened before sex ed they watched their mothers get pregnant and give birth or learned on a farm or with pets sex exists in the wild without parental permission you're the a-hole posted by user beneficialtuff87 titled am i the a-hole i lied about having a college fund for my step-sister to save my sister i am 32 female i grew up with a narcissistic mom i have never met my dad the first hug i have received in my life was at age 10 years old when dan my mom's boyfriend hugged me when i thanked him for a gift my mom had my sister a year later my sister was the perfect baby sister anyone could ask for mom and dan split and at first mom had major custody of my sister mom did the same thing to my sister she did to me doesn't even acknowledge us in the room if she was not in the mood not feeding us dinner if we made a mistake made everything our faults when dan found out he applied for full custody for my sister but my mother fought and somehow wrangled fifty percent of custody things got real bad for me and the only silver lining was my sister despite being only four years old she would sneak in snacks from her dad for me to eat anything dan bought for her he also bought for me he wasn't wealthy by any means but it was the small things and anytime he dropped my sister he will take his time to talk to me he was the only father i have ever known dan died of cancer when i was 16 and my sister five he lived only three months from the diagnosis but settled everything financially as able as he can for my sister he split his assets 75 for my sister and 25 for me to be given to me when i reached 18. knowing my mom very well he made me the executor of my sister's fund too to say my mom was furious was an understatement she literally made the next two years of my life and my sisters a living hell when my mum started dating brad he already had a daughter three years younger than my sister my mum had made it absolutely clear that my sister will be allowed to go to college only if she shares her trust fund with our sister bread is a piece of work and me and my sister never really bonded with our stepsister she refused to sign anything related to my sister's education unless i give her my word that i will give my step-sister equal half of the trust funds this is where i think i was the a-hole i held the trust fund above my mom's head to treat my sister fairly i repeatedly told them that i'll give my step-sister half the fund until my stepsister was 18 and moved to college once she moved out we both cut any contact we had with our mum and blocked her i made my sister give her the wrong college info so our mum couldn't contact her i have found out through a few friends my mom didn't know i have that my step-sister couldn't get into any college because she didn't want to apply for any loans and she is very depressed i know i misled them but i honestly wanted my sister to be safe am i the a-hole for causing my step-sister's depression and robbing her of college i'm going to go with not the a-hole here do you want to be stuck in contact with that crazy lady is this the price you're going to have to pay it's one of these situations where it's like do we let the train hit five people we pull the lever and it hits one people and i don't know about you but i'll take the one people over the five people any day but then again the situation may not even be calling for that the mom was just using them for money it's not money that they were entitled to the op strung the mum along the only way she could and she got the outcome that everyone deserved i'd say there's always next year if she wants to go to college she can always apply for loans then there is more way than one to use someone else's money to get into college so ultimately rp is not the a-hole and god bless edits thank you to everyone for your reassurance i showed this post to my sister and the only thing she had to say was duh we both have discussed and decided to not contact our stepsister we were never close to her and my friends back there can't safely get any message to her without dragging our mom into it which is the last thing that we both want not the a-hole you did what you needed to do to protect your baby sister and for that you should be proud your mother was trying to deny her the right to an education in order to rob her you were justified in saying whatever you needed to say to protect your sister's interests dan knew what he was doing when he named you executor he knew that you would safeguard your sister's interests and you have proven that he was right to trust you as for your stepsister if he chooses not to apply for any loans not going to college is her choice not yours she and your mother would have known for three years that they couldn't rely on robbing your sister to pay her way through college if they didn't make alternative plans that's on them not you dan was a great man my sister is exactly like him i have lost my compassion so much growing up but my sister is still the loveliest person who cares so much never doubt that you did the right thing by honoring dan's wishes and protecting your sister the fact that you're posting here tells me that you still have compassion because you're worried that you're an a-hole because of the impact on your step-sister but that's not your fault i think you need to give yourself more credits you essentially raised your sister from the age of five on that she is similar to den and personality has a lot to do with you recognizing those traits in den and nurturing them and your sister she certainly didn't see those qualities modeled by your mum and new stepdad so i think it's pretty clear where she continued to see them as she grew as a parent i'm sure it gave dan much needed peace in his remaining months to know that she would have you after he passed even if it probably devastated him that you would be in that position at such a young age not the a-hole that money was for your sister from her father there was no reason whatsoever for you to share it with your mom's new guy's kid stepsister not going to college because she didn't want to apply for loans is on her i understand the blow of learning that she isn't getting money that you told your mom she would receive but you did that to try and keep the peace in what sounds like a crappy home posted by user throwra 01982 titled am i the a-hole for not telling my family that my husband is transgender my husband is a transgender man therefore he cannot get me pregnant we agreed before we even got married that we wanted to adopt and we're a couple of years into the process right now and probably a couple years off being able to adopt kids we told my parents that we want to adopt but have never told them he is trans because we didn't think that they would accept it they are aware of our adoption plans and have asked us if we'd seen a fertility specialist when we said we couldn't have kids and we said we haven't seen one because we want to adopt for our anniversary a couple days ago my parents told us that they've prepaid for a consultation at a fertility clinic they've put down 200 pounds just for the initial consultation and another 120 for a semen culture i already have a son from a previous relationship so they know i'm not the problem they've prepaid for it and sent us an invoice from the clinic confirming that the consultation and test have both been paid for they've also paid for train tickets 108 pounds for us to get to the clinic my husband then decided to come out to them as transgender and explain why he couldn't have a semen culture done no semen edits to be clear he chose to tell them and he told them himself i didn't out him since telling them all hell has broke loose they are furious we didn't tell them sooner said they have a right to know who they were allowing into their family and are fuming that they've put money down for a consultation test we won't be having they want an apology for not telling them sooner and a refund on the 428 pounds that they've paid out as they say they wouldn't have put that money down if they had known that we already knew exactly why we couldn't have kids the old-fashioned way as my dad put it i said we didn't ask them to put that money down and it was disrespectful of them to do so when they know we want to adopt and it shouldn't matter to them whether my husband is cis or trans however they feel that they are owed an apology for hiding the truth and expect us to refund the 428 pounds that they paid out as they would not have paid it out if they knew the truth we think we might be the a-holes because they were coming from a good place and honestly we probably should have told them sooner are we the a-holes for not telling and refunding them edits i have no intention of engaging with transphobic rhetoric questions are fine because i believe that people should be able to ask questions provided that those questions are not coming from a place of hate and i will give the benefit of the doubt in most cases and of course i won't argue with judgments about this aspect of the question unless it is transphobic any transphobic comments however will be reported and the author will be blocked rather than giving those viewpoints my attention which they don't deserve yeah that's just a reminder don't be transphobic it's not cool in this instance it doesn't matter if the parents were transphobic or not they're still transphobic and they still suck but opie and op's partner had made it clear that they were going to adopt and that was always going to be the plan some people may view making them waste their money and then coming out as an a-hole thing to do but the parents were the a-holes from the get-go for booking that without the consent of opie and their partner and then getting mad at them for not reimbursing that like you have been hit by a train in the brain or something like that what's going on with your stupid logic here this is a safe not the a-hole judgment and more power to opie and their partner i don't know what they're going to do from here but i would not continue talking to those parents for a little while that's for sure even if your husband was a cis male your parents way overstepped by scheduling at the clinic an extremely personal decision that should only be made by the couple involved they're the a-hole for two reasons because of their reaction to your significant other being trans and because of the crossed boundaries by scheduling a personal appointment for you they need to mind their own business not the a-hole seriously it doesn't matter if he's trans what if he had a traumatic accident and couldn't reproduce it's not their business and the why is unimportant they were told the plan but they got involved anyway why does we are choosing to adopt have to mean we are unable to reproduce at all even if they were perfectly capable of getting pregnant if they made a decision to adopt this is a huge overstep this my husband and i are going to adopt we may or may not be fertile but we aren't going to try because adoption is what we want to do my parents are still convinced we will want to buy our baby however the plan is and always was to adopt our children not the a-hole this is in no way their business and they overstepped the line when they took it upon themselves to make this appointment for an invasive medical procedure for someone else without consulting them they stupidly gambled that money and lost that's on them also if i were you i would have little to do with them after that blatant show of disrespect and entitlement posted by yuzo throw away younger sis titled am i the a-hole for not giving younger sister more inheritance i 46 female recently lost both of my parents in quite quick succession they both died peacefully of natural causes and old age i have an older brother 47 and a younger sister 32 yes i was 14 when my sister was born she was a menopause baby and in fact my mother thought that most of her early pregnancy was symptoms of menopause we were all excited to have a new baby though especially me as i was the youngest of all the cousins and none of my friends had young siblings when they were growing up my parents were always very fair with all of us when it came to money and time spent with us they encouraged our hobbies and liked to spend time with us our dad died first and everything went to our mom when she died everything was split between the three of us apart from things that were stated such as a set of golf clubs going to my brother and jewellery specifically to my sister or to me we decided to sell our parents house and split the proceeds equally as none of us wanted to live in it last week my brother and i received an email from our sister she believes that she should be given more inheritance money or the entire proceeds of the house sale her reasoning for this is that she is so much younger than my brother and i she got to spend less time with my parents whilst they were alive than we did and somehow she reasons that this is fair my brother and i think this is absolute nonsense our parents were clear on splitting things equally we both left home when we turned 18 to go to university and were lucky that we didn't need to return home for a while to save money or anything like that my sister lived with our parents until she was 25. my brother and i have agreed that we're not giving our sister any more of our share of the inheritance which isn't much anyway and the proceeds of the house will be split three ways as specified in both of our parents wills she has said we are selfish and she is owed this because she didn't have as much time with our parents i don't feel like i'm in the wrong here but a few of my friends have suggested i make a token payments to keep her happy i don't think she would be unless it was a significant portion of my inheritance or my share of the house sale am i the [ __ ] for not wanting to give my sister more money just because she is younger than me if you give her a token that just sets the wrong precedent and she will take a mile once you give her an inch she is stupid she is 25 she can look after herself as you've said she had much more time with the parents it's not your fault that you guys were born way before her i don't even know how we could frame this argument to make it you guys being the a-hole in this instance because she's very obviously just reaching for as much as she can to take as much money as she can there's no actual reason she needs the money she just wants the money that's a stupid reason to have she's the a-hole not you guys edits thank you very much for all your condolences becoming an orphan is very hard at any age it seems i am thinking that i will speak to my brother about talking to our sister about getting some sort of grief counselling and offer to go with her it might be a way of finding out if there are any other issues that we don't know about as outwardly she is a successful professional if there is something wrong then we will offer our support i love my sister very much and i don't want to end up estranged over this especially during a time of grief not the a-hole i'm sorry for your loss your sister's logic is stupid you could also argue the reverse since you knew them better since you were older you and your brother deserve more also you are following your parents wishes in their wills please don't give her the money that sets a bad precedent for the future she might want more if you give her a little you can't use reason with an irrational person i love this email her back brother and i have decided since we actually knew them better then that means that we deserve more of their money here's our bank details please transfer two-thirds of your inheritance asap and since we moved out at 18 and you did it 25 you used more of mum's wealth while she was still living you owe us for the advance on your inheritance not the a-hole do not give your entitled sister one penny more than one-third share that your mother allotted her in her will your sister's reasoning is flawed and this is just a naked cash grab on her part posted by user throwaway prego 1989 titled am i the a-hole for dividing our family over an ultrasound i 32 female and husband frank 34 male were pregnant everyone on both sides of our family seemed super excited about the baby because it was the first grandchild on both sides my parents ended up being in town coincidentally the day i had scheduled an ultrasound so i invited them to tag along and see cue lots of happy tears my in-laws never outright protested but there were jealousy noises so i decided to invite them to my next scheduled ultrasound mother-in-law and father-in-law live a fair distance away so we planned a weekend around the scan my sister-in-law has always been a bit tricky she's four years younger than frank and is the baby of the family no is not in her vocabulary she has shown little to no interest in me or the pregnancy i'm not offended by people not liking babies nbd but i start getting tired of her calling our unborn kid things like a crotch goblin and crotch fruit sister and lauren died don't hang out or talk by the way she just posts sarcastic comments in the family chat i just ignore her or let frank handle it because life is too short for whatever this attention seeking slash jealousy slash nonsense is fast forward to my picking my in-laws up at the airport thursday night and surprise surprise my sister-in-law is there too we're a bit confused since she's never flown out to see us in six years of marriage and she wasn't invited but eh she's showing an interest so we go along we go to dinner and after we're talking about the skin and sister-in-law pipes up about how it better not be early in the morning because she's not forcing herself to miss sleep over my spawn i laugh and tell her that the scan is scheduled for 7 15 am and will be back in time for breakfast before she's even up sister-in-law loses it and starts screaming at me frank and i explained that there can be three people plus me in the room him father-in-law mother-in-law mother-in-law says frank should be the one in the waiting room because she's our guest i start getting annoyed because a it's my vagina b it's his baby c she wasn't invited i tell sister-in-law she's not coming and all hell breaks loose screaming at me name-calling slurs etc in-laws back sister and laura and say that if she's excluded they are not coming to the appointment either giant family fight ending in frank kicks his whole family out of their house and we go to the ultrasound by ourselves baby is now 10 months and in-laws still haven't met him sister-in-law hasn't spoken to us and blocked us on everything father-in-law and mother-in-law constantly harp on the fact that if i had just let sister-in-law come to my scan i wouldn't have divided the family and ruined everything this way and they won't meet our son until we apologized and that i'm cruel for keeping him from his family i think i should get a say in who i want at my own medical appointments but it's been going on for over a year now and they are still refusing to acknowledge the baby am i the a-hole for not letting her come was it worth all of this sadness and drama for a 45-minute scan am i the a-hole for depriving my son out of an entire half of his family because i wanted to say in my own pregnancy i'm just gonna chime in here and say there's quite a bit more to go in this story apparently but given what we know so far i don't think that they're the a-hole i think this is one of those hills you can die on to support your family and if those in-laws aren't a family you do want in your life i see no wrong with keeping it the way it is although it seems like a toxic relationship with that side they seem devoid of reason and devoid of logic in their heads i don't understand why after six years this woman has to come to see the screening and everything why is that necessary and then to get upset that she can't be in the room when it's happening like the entitlement of this woman just knows no bounds does it not i can't blame op and the husband for their actions i don't think they're an a-hole for doing it i can see why that entire half side of the family thinks they're the a-hole because they've got sticks up their asses but i think i'd rather be op than that side of the family not the a-hole edits sorry guys i'm new at this and forgot to mention the reason i think i might be the a-hole yes my sister-in-law is a brat and yes my in-laws are exhausting and yes i'm probably going to need another teeth grinding night guard when i chomp through mine like a beaver but he's a pretty cool little guy and is starting to learn words and recognize people and has a great relationship with my family i'm anxious that no apology will ever be given on either side and now it'll be six years down the road and i'll have to answer to him oh why don't you have a relationship with daddy's family well mom decided her hill to die on was a black and white video of you because she didn't want your aunt dictating her body or choices like i get that i was in the right to have her not in my appointments but should i swallow my pride enough to fix things that my little guy gets half his family back or stick to my guns because the whole family is family thing doesn't hold water if everyone is toxic drama edits too yes as those redditors who have had babies before guests the ultrasound i'm referring to is the big 20 weak anatomy and gender reveal ultrasound so yes my in-laws were saying they should all be in the room while my husband stood in the hall as we found out the baby's gender for the first time edit three wow this blew up as a longtime locker who occasionally only posts about dogs and cake decorating this was a surprise to come back to three hours later first off thank you to everyone for the incredibly kind and supportive comments for the awards for the sharing and the personal stories i am touched so many people took time out of their day to help my first world problem if i don't reply individually immediately it's because i'm wrangling a 26 pound butterball turkey of a baby to answer more questions we're dealing with a family of long islanders here so that should clear up most family dynamic questions to the non-americans in the post long island is in new york and is characterized by loud pushy affluent dramatic women sorry to everyone getting lumped in here so in general that means my sister-in-law is spoiled rich and the family princess she has no mental or physical problems has no known fertility issues never been married and is just all around rather difficult to deal with due to some serious entitlement issues sister-in-law dislikes me because her brother and i are vaguely apathetic to her i'm not impressed by purses or horses or jewelry so i just nod bemusedly as she shows me her newest arabian tack or von cleef swatch watch i collect cake pans so she finds my lack of social standing beneath her and that my husband is an embarrassment since he went into something so vulgar and pedestrian as cryptocurrency since we don't need the family money we try to stay out of family drama as much as possible since we embarrass her who knew buying my jeans at target was such an unpardonable offense we tried to just keep out of it so the ensuing fight at our house was one for the ages 30 years of family drama got brought up missing my husband's debate championship for sister-in-law's writing schedule her deliberately trying to poison husband to test his shellfish allergy father-in-law mother-in-law always allowing sister-in-law to choose first at activities vacations theater tickets etc frank seems to have found it heartbreaking if not cathartic to finally let it all out now that everyone has clearly convinced me to wash my hands of my lingering guilt i shall take all of this crap off and follow frank's lead the world is stressful enough without what these lovely people add to it i won't stop them if they choose to form a relationship with a baby but it'll be on my husband's terms you were right in that i felt like i had to fix it because i felt i broke it when i was really only the tipping point it fell off from to the super kind-hearted people saying i can't be this innocuous and must be leaving something out holy hell i wish i was this would be far more palatable for me if i could pinpoint doing something that i could point to be like eh that tracks i guess i guess i deserve that i wish i was more interesting or dramatic but i am incredibly boring i'm basically anne from arrested development personality wise white's boring ass toast i'm going to put this bieb to bed drink a big old glass of red wine and listen to don't rock the boat because of all the wonderful tipsy boat analogies thanks again everyone and cheers from my little family to yours posted by user dirwapil612 titled am i the a-hole for shouting at a young mom and calling her a stupid [ __ ] yesterday i 26 male and my partner 22 female were driving to my parents house for lunch as i was driving down the main road of the village we live in a little girl maybe four-ish suddenly shot off across the road in front of the car i absolutely slammed down the brakes the car lurched and squealed my partner who was speaking choked as the seatbelt tightened around her and it was all very sudden and frightening i pounded my fist on the horn of the girl and rolled down the window at the visibly terrified mother who ran out to pull her back i was really furious and started properly shouting at her don't remember exactly what was said but something like watch your child you fudging stupid [ __ ] we rolled the window back up and carried on but my partner was annoyed at me she said i really shouldn't have shouted and sworn at the mother and that she was very young she looked like very early twenties and must be really stressed right now i said that she would have been a hell of a lot more stressed if her daughter had been killed because she couldn't look after her properly it blew up into quite an argument with her defending the mum saying that the horn would have scared her enough and that it was really unnecessary for me to scream at her like that i admit that i was slightly out of control with anger but considering i very nearly killed a child because of her mother's negligence and that shouting at her was not only justified because of the situation but useful to startle her into keeping better hold of her daughter in the future am i the a-hole i just did an entire segment where i defended op for what they're doing and i do believe that some people need to change their habits when they're in a life or death situation perhaps op was in the wrong for yelling at the mother in this situation but if it was me in the same situation i'd be equally freaked out as the op would i would probably start shaking uncontrollably and be like jesus i almost hit a kid do i yell do i cry what do i do i empathize with whether opi is coming from i don't think that yelling is the right thing to do so you're the a-hole you're the a-hole do you really think that's an acceptable response i understand your frustration but to shout and swear at a mother and child is vile honestly i've looked after small children near roads before and sometimes even if you're holding their hand they can pull out suddenly sometimes and it's the scariest thing the woman really didn't need op shouting at them on top of this the fact he called her a stupid [ __ ] is completely horrible and i don't think can be justified in any situation i was walking my nephew across a road and he went to bolt out in front of a bus it's the one and only time as an adult i've ever been forceful with a child i ended up smacking the top of his hand to get him to stop because he was millimeters from getting killed it is so damn easy for a kid to escape and just run kids do it you're the a-hole no one can control children 24 7 and things like that happen it's not the mom's fault that kid did it and yelling and cursing at her doesn't help the issue and only makes the situation worse people crap on parents that have their kids on leashes but when they're too young for reason it really helps prevent things like this personally i think he shouldn't have shouted and cursed but in this situation i probably would have done the same out of shock and danger he almost killed a child through no fault of his own and you would be the a-hole you don't even know for sure that that child was young this guy is guessing at their ages and has no idea what was going on before the kid ran out into the road for all you know the kid could have been running after a ball they were playing with you're the a-hole because you're the type of person who thinks it's ever ever okay to call a woman a stupid [ __ ] much less in front of her child it's even worse that you think being out of control with anger justifies your behavior that's a major red flag do better posted by user sister bought car titled am i the a-hole for telling my sister she's an idiot for buying a car that she can't afford my sister 26 has no concept of money she has expensive taste and has resulted in her having no money wasting all her savings and having to move in with me 36 mail as our parents are sick of telling her to save money and she doesn't they basically don't want to bail her out anymore i only agreed to take her on the condition that she pays 200 a month towards household expenses i made it that low so she can save more money from her job she also had to help out with chores and stuff she was elated at this proposal i also luckily are in my home outright so i don't see the point of charging her rent the first few months were fine she actually saved her paychecks she also has a driving license and started talking about buying her first car i told her she could save up a fair bit and buy a used car so she doesn't waste all her money on a brand new car she's paying off for years i showed her some sites to look at which were verified car dealers and also calculated how much deposit she could put down and how much she would be paying monthly and for insurance she seemed to appreciate my inputs and she told me she was gonna save for maybe a year to have a decent deposit she told me recently that she was going to go and look at a car this quickly changed to her telling me she had already bought a car when i was out one day she was very vague about the details and i wanted to trust she made good judgments so i just asked her questions about it she told me it cost her 25. i thought she meant she had a 2 500 deposit down and told her that was awesome she seemed really weird and then told me the car itself was actually 25 000 i asked her how the hell she could afford a deposit for a car that much and she told me she got a loan i told her she was an idiot she showed me the loan and the interest rate is sky high and the monthly costs on the car are ridiculous i said to her why the hell would you get a loan and buy a car that's going to ruin you financially she just shrugged her shoulders and said she didn't want a cheap car i made her realise how stupid she'd been and she started crying but i had no sympathy for her i can easily afford to help her out with her debt but i said you made this mess you fix it i am done trying to help you she has gone to our parents where she told them a lie i told them the truth and they ended up being on my side my sister says i am an a-hole as i am refusing to help my baby sister out and that she made a genuine mistake however she keeps doing this and she is 26. she needs to learn to control her money i love her but it's also her own mess am i the a-hole edits i'm still going to let her live with me for a low cost but that's all i'll do no more advice to help her out or anything just a quick little one here if the person being an a-hole is saying that you're the a-hole for not enabling them that pretty quickly shows you who the a-hole in this situation is and that's just an obvious gaslighting technique from her being like you're the problem op you're not pulling me out of this quicksand i'm gonna drown if you don't get me out of this quicksand i just jumped into this is your fault she's 26 she's lived life long enough and watched enough shows where people are stupid with credit cards and they're stupid with money she should know this lesson by now and she does know better she chooses not to do better opie you are not the a-hole not the a-hole my sibling did something very similar bigger price tag and it ended in disaster your sister is an adult she was offered advice and she decided she knew better it wasn't an honest mistake she sounds like the kind of person who needs the newest of everything because it's shiny she needs to take responsibility and sort it out if you always bail her out how will she learn that is exactly her yeah i have one of those siblings i'm sorry she's a brat to you there's always a desire to help because they're family but where do you draw the line she's not your responsibility and that's hard to remember sometimes i don't think she realizes i'll probably end up bailing her out anyway because that 200 is going to go towards that fudging car and loan as hard as it is stick to your guns if you do that you'll feed into the cycle and she'll do it again in other ways she needs to learn to budget and if she can't afford it she either needs a better job or to sell it and cut her losses you won't be doing her any favors by helping her in the long run posted by user coffee and silence please titled am i the a-hole for leaving the house to clear my head because my girlfriend called me an ableist here goes english is like my third language so be warned my girlfriend of 10 years is a deaf and mute person i knew sign language from before so we hit it off the instant that we met apart from some very valid things she doesn't like if someone touches her from behind etc i never had to tiptoe around her disability she hates it when people pity her or thinks differently when things were getting serious i mentioned that i don't want kids in the future ever because i don't think it's right for children to suffer in this world for something that's not their fault maybe it's my fault for being ambiguous but what i meant to say in a gentle way was that since there is a high chance that our biological children will inherit her disability not guessing she told me but apparently what she understood was that i was child free and the world is too much of a mess global warming and such to bring children into she was okay with it and we went further into our relationship this misunderstanding came to light when we were having a conversation last week and thus began the worst fight in our relationship she asked me whether i would want biological children if i had been with someone without a disability i admitted probably yeah she yelled at me about how hurt she was that i would treat her differently when i know how much she hated it i apologized and told her i was trying to be vague so that i don't use any hurtful words i really didn't think the entire thing could be misinterpreted i apologized and told her i didn't mean to make her think i was child free etc after that she started saying subtle things like when we have kids slash she can't wait to do xyz with her kids at first i thought she was talking about adoption maybe because i admitted that i wasn't child free but it soon became clear that she wanted biological children so i sat her down and told her that though i am sorry for how i said it my decision to not have biological children with her still stands and i would have done the same thing with anyone with any genetic condition or mental illness she blew her lid off and accused me of being an ableist because i am seeing any disabled child as a burden so that must mean i see her as a burden too i tried to explain that while i don't think any less of her for having a disability i don't think that it's okay to bring a child into the world that there is a very very very high chance of the baby having a disability she doesn't think that both can be mutually exclusive she kept calling me an ableist and when i felt we were going in circles i went out to go for a walk and clear my head so am i the a-hole here it's very clear that the relationship is not going to go the way that you intended and your misstep of words was taken very much the wrong way it feels like you haven't put yourself in her shoes saying yeah you know i'd want kids but i don't want more people like you in this world at my own hand you know i just i wouldn't be the one to do it that is very very rude to say to someone and admit to them and the fact this wasn't brought up earlier i guess it would have been slightly inappropriate maybe to bring it up earlier but it's good that it's coming out now because you guys can go your separate ways from here and stop hurting each other i don't personally feel like there's any coming back from this one that was a huge a-hole move to tell her but it's better to just end things now than to continue hurting her that's for sure you're the a-hole here you're the a-hole holy crap i don't want kids if they could turn out like you i can understand how that would be the message received but my husband and i also decided to not have children due to genetics it is completely understandable to not want your child to inherit major biological defects you don't want to bring someone into this world that would suffer denying that these are defects just shows that you are not willing to face the truth and that is that disabilities are biological defects that doesn't mean the person isn't loved wanted and has a value as a human being it just means that you don't want to make your own children suffer i think the difference in this case is that the party with the genes in question was involved in the decision making it's one thing to say my suffering is so great that i don't want anyone i bring into the world to suffer this way it's a different thing to say your suffering is so great that i don't want anyone else to suffer that way while the partner says i love my life and i would be happy to raise kids like me my dad and four of my cousins are hemophiliacs i'm a carrier and the way i've seen them suffer has helped me decide to not have children they live full and happy lives but it would break my heart to see my child go through that i think the point the above commenter is making is that it is fine and valid to think this way about your own disability however it is not the case with op opie isn't the one with a disability here he's basically just told his partner that she shouldn't breed which is pretty terrible posted by user fishing nervous 9010 titled am i the a-hole for calling my girlfriend sexist for insulting that the traditionally female way of doing something is inherently better than the traditionally male way and that i need to do it the traditionally female way my girlfriend of the year anna and i are basically testing out living together overall things are pretty great but as we've gotten more comfortable and more serious with each other we have one issue that has become a huge sticking point and after a major disagreement over it and lots of words on both sides i'm curious who was the a-hole in the argument so i have three brothers and when we were at home it was always normal that if we got heated or frustrated with each other we'd let off steam and not have to bury our aggression same with our parents it's not like we were constantly screaming at each other just that raising our voices wasn't a big deal and it wasn't something to get punished over they figured that with four boys it was normal we'd be loud and argumentative sometimes obviously we knew not to raise our voices at school or at our jobs when we were old enough but at our home base it was okay to be guys and not have to stifle ourselves i think it's pretty normal and traditional and expected that as a guy it's not wrong to sometimes raise your voice when you're frustrated anna has two sisters and was raised by just her mum in a very use your words kind of family yelling was not only not okay it was punished the girls were not allowed to yell at each other or really to argue back and forth at all their mum taught them that when you get frustrated or upset you need to stop and cool off and talk it out calmly lots of when you do x i feel why i guess it's the traditionally female way of handling arguments anna's wasn't really raised around any men so basically she interprets any time a man even slightly raises his voice to be yelling now that we're living together she is constantly telling me to stop yelling we have gotten into a bunch of arguments where she insists i'm yelling at her and starts to cry over basically nothing no matter how many times i tell her that i just have a deep voice and i'm not yelling i can't help being loud sometimes now she's decided that every time i yell she's just going to leave the room until i cool off and can talk things out like an adult we got into a raised voices back and forth last night on both sides when she told me that yelling when you're frustrated is wrong the traditionally male way and talking things out is right the traditionally female way and everyone knows that i kept telling her it's a difference of opinion and neither is better or worse just different she kept pushing me about it and finally i snapped and told her that insisting that the female way of doing something is better than the mailway is sexist and she's a sexist if she thinks that and tries to force me to handle disagreements that way she says i'm out of line and to call her a sexist just because she's sick of being yelled at but i'm sick of being told that the way i do things is wrong just because i'm a man and because i have a deep voice who is the a-hole here i think you are dude um i feel like you were going about it the wrong way she's not a guy why are you trying to handle things the traditionally male way if you agree that you did it between your brothers and you didn't have a sister there to try it on and the fact that your way of going about it isn't working with her and you guys aren't getting these arguments solved because you're trying to go about it your way it's not really working is it i think you're wrong in this one op and you should realize that and change yourself you're the a-hole you're the a-hole for turning this into a gender issue i female grew up in a yelled-out household and my husband grew up in a conflict avoidant household so i had to learn not to raise my voice during disagreements and he had to learn to get better about speaking up when he was upset about things if you don't want her making right versus wrong assumptions you need to drop the boys will be boys justifications and figure out a way of handling arguments that works for both of you as individuals exactly in the long run learning to talk about your feelings in a constructive way without raising your voice will be a much healthier approach to conflict yelling and raising your voice clearly isn't working so why not try things her way and for god's sake drop the sexist bs because i promise you there's not a whole lot of people out there who are going to put up with a partner who holds such sexist views and reacts to conflict the way that you do forgot to mention you're the a-hole my dude yes i agree i don't understand how it devolved to male versus female because the whole time i was reading the description of the argument styles i was thinking girlfriend is just using conflict resolution tools my partner and i have been doing couples counseling for a while and we have learned that when one person yells and the other person is overwhelmed and wants to walk away just let them regardless of gender if one person doesn't want to be yelled at and doesn't want to yell they don't have to you can't force her to just accept you yelling at her even if you disagree about the definition of yelling if she wants to wait to talk about it you have to accept that boundary period you're the a-hole posted by user mk6804 titled am i the a-hole friend keeps bringing his girlfriend every time we have a get-together so we stopped inviting him first-time poster throw away and fake names warning posting as a group background info our friend group is made up of six people me male 34 a j k e and v now we met each other during a work event and connected instantly and each of us has a significant other now with v he has been with his girlfriend for three years and we have been friends since uni and ever since then we have a guy's night once every three months so that four times a year and every time we get together v keeps bringing his girlfriend and it just became awkward she would follow him everywhere she even tried to follow him into the men's toilet we are unable to go to restaurants because she keeps causing drama an example of this is when v left his phone on a table at a restaurant the waiter tapped v on the shoulder and returned the phone v thanked her his girlfriend then poured water on a waiter and accused her of hitting on v the manager banned her that is just one of the times she acted out me m a j and k had enough we held an intervention asked him why he keeps bringing her and that we had enough he wasn't able to give us a proper answer said that she keeps inviting herself to these events soon she was invited into our group chats and our annual camping trip now because melbourne is in lockdown of course we had a few online movie sessions and she would show up and complain about the choice in movie now we had enough every time she shows up there's an issue the choice a movie or the type of food served even the weather the glorious melbourne weather it can do no wrong compared to sunny queensland that's for sure now me m a j and k told v to grow a pair and tell her enough is enough he refused to do so said this is him proving his love for her so me m a j and k decided that until he had a proper sit down and talk things through with her we would not invite him to any of our events he and his girlfriend called us a-holes while our significant other also agreed with them finally someone that writes aussie edits judging by how many people are asking about why we only meet four times a year i just need to clarify that we see each other a lot due to working together at the same office we only meet four times for guys night which is supposed to be just us six not our girlfriends or other co-workers just needed to clarify that and huge thanks to everyone who rewarded this post look opie cobber melbonite huge problem you got there men's whipped ball and chain is following him around everywhere need to cut that ball and chain loose that's for sure keep her away from the lads nights out four times a year absolutely not acceptable that's it you know she's shown that she cannot behave herself on these nights out you need to get the boys round sort them out tell them hey you're not invited if you're bringing her along you need to come and she doesn't and that's that or else you're not part of the boys anymore that's my advice uh take it with a grain of salt of course i am not the be all endo but you're not the a-hole for what you've done not the a-hole i mean you guys are entitled to a guy's night without being pestered by this girlfriend if the dude won't stop bringing her because she is a super jealous type and or controlling you are well within your rights to say you're out until you figure this out at the point where she poured water on the poor waiter this isn't even a thing about a guy's night out anymore that's just a terrible person who i would want nothing to do with yeah at first i thought she just had some issues for example i had a ton i'm scared of being alone in public relatable doing simple tasks on my own stuff like that you know that i'm trying to fix and i need my boyfriend around a lot but when i got there i noticed she was just being a jerk and probably had some jealousy issues she's a boat rocker and he is enabling her i say enable her because he does but she's extremely abusive and controlling opie your friend needs help because he can't see that proving his love for her is a classic abuser's strategy to demand of their victims why does he do that by lundy bancroft is valid for all genders and the author says so too it's available in all formats and is even floating around as a free pdf the book helped me see the truth about my now ex-husband also just no significant other is a great sub i was hoping i'd see someone pointing out the abuse in the comments already i think the best method would be to tell him that he alone is invited and if he insists on bringing her neither is invited but that you're there for him whenever and let him know that having to prove his love is unhealthy and unsustainable what exactly has she proven her love to him was that when she was showing she'd assault anyone that dares to look at him pouring water on a server or when she isolated him from all of his friends posted by user eric malg titled am i the a-hole for refusing to be in my father's wedding even though i cheated too a story as old as time my female 27 father 50 cheated on my mother for 5 years with a younger woman currently 32 and he left my mother when the mistress got pregnant it tore our family apart i resent my father because my mother actually loved him and she is still dealing with this even one year after he left her i stayed on okay terms with him because i was the one to pick up and drop off my younger brother at his place last week when i picked up my brother my father had big news he proposed to his girlfriend and wanted me as his best woman it made me kind of mad not gonna lie but i kept calm and told him no he said that what happened between him and his mom was none of our business and that i should respect his new relationship i said i respect it but that doesn't mean i condone it obviously i would never hound him randomly about it but i don't approve of it and i don't like her she knew the whole time my mum and we existed well my dad was having none of it and told me to get off my high horse because i had cheated too and i had no rights and i guess when i was 17 i was with this boy for three months i went to a party and got crap-faced and made out with a classmate for a total of 10 minutes i felt so bad that i called my boyfriend crying and we talked it out we broke up i told my dad and in 10 years i never did something like that again i have been with my partner for five years i told him he could not equate it at all he called me a hypocrite and that he was glad to know who i am driving home i felt like i was a bit harsh he's still my father and he's not a bad father i just don't want to be in his wedding i would still go but am i the a-hole personally i can't fault you for that you know 17 getting drunk as hell a lot of people make those mistakes you talked it out with him and you guys broke up amicably that was the best way to go about it and it was very respectful but he was stringing his wife along for five years with someone much younger that knew that you guys existed you're right it doesn't track they're not the same things he's just pulling at straws to excuse his behavior and drag you down with him i would not want to be the best man at that wedding either if i was you and personally i don't even know if i'd want to go to that wedding your dad has a major hole in his brain calling you a hypocrite i hope he learns his lesson but as life does go karma doesn't always find its way back to these kinds of people regardless not the a-hole you kissed another guy once when you were still a kid your dad hid the fact that he had been screwing another woman did it for five years and knocked her up the situations aren't even comparable your dad is trying to manipulate you by saying you cheated too the situations are not the same he's the a-hole the goal to even try to guilt her the audacity or maybe he thought his marriage of over 15 years with two kids involved was the same as a teenage relationship not the a-hole your father is though he's trying to get opie to join the wedding party as a way to legitimize and rationalize his behavior if she joins it's sending a public message that his betrayal was okay his daughter was in the wedding party they must have gotten over it this is all about public appearances and making himself look good it's not about mending relationships or bringing the two families together if he was trying to fix things with op he wouldn't have jumped to this whataboutism nonsense at her first objection his bullcrap arguments and false equivalences with opie is proof that he's trying to paper over the past and reframe his past behavior as not hurtful or destructive and opie don't let him do it posted by user accomplished guide 12 titled am i the a-hole for letting my daughter repurpose a gift i did not like or want several years ago i had a miscarriage i do not know how but my sister-in-law found out about this fairly recently and in a misguided attempt to be supportive she recently sent me a framed poem about babies in heaven decorated with angels it was pretty large very tacky and very unwanted not only am i not actively grieving the loss of pregnancy we are not religious and she knows that also it's just not my style and i don't want it on my wall anyways my oldest daughter was really creative and wanted to use the print itself in one of her collages it turned out really beautiful she incorporated the best parts of the poem and images with other pieces from elsewhere i know this might sound cheesy but it actually took me from being reminded of a really painful part of my life to being so grateful for the wonderfully creative kids i have my husband got the final product framed and it is hanging in our home sister-in-law saw this last night while she was facetiming with my husband and she got really upset husband told her that while we appreciate the gesture it wasn't really appropriate and he thought that our daughter reusing parts of the gift was better than us throwing it out i know this is personal for sister-in-law as she is very religious and has struggled with infertility but we are not close and i don't appreciate the random angel baby poem in the mail years after i lost my last pregnancy it's weird and invasive to me i don't feel bad about letting my daughter cut the poem up but i need to say something to sister-in-law to keep the peace am i the a-hole i can't blame you for doing that i can see why she thinks it's a good gesture in this one here but it wasn't asked for and that was her gift to you you are under no obligation to keep it in the original packaging that it is in and not to do with it as you please she's giving up those rights to it and you have more than enough rights as the woman who was going through that process to do with it as you please i personally don't know what you would say to her to keep the peace because she obviously feels very strongly about that poem and sometimes there is no right answer in something like this because she probably doesn't want to hear your excuses as she would frame them i would hope she's a logical person and she can understand where you're coming from but not everyone works that way i think not the a-hole i wouldn't keep a religious miscarriage poem it's a bit weird and uncomfortable i'm glad your daughter turned it into something beautiful for you i agree it came with a note from her saying that it brought her a lot of comfort and she hoped it would do the same for me i really do appreciate the sentiment but if she took a single second to think about whether or not that was a good gift for me she wouldn't have sent it this makes me lean towards a soft you're the a-hole to your husband emotions make us do weird things sometimes and we tend to think that our emotional reactions to an event are the same as other people's your sister-in-law made an ill-judged attempt to share an emotional connection with you gifts are allowed to be used however you want but gifts should also be received graciously chastising the giver isn't appropriate in this situation if there's a way that you can share with sister-in-law that you really love having it incorporated into a beautiful work by your daughter i think you should kindness and higher ground goes a long way there's no need to hurt her over a misjudged gift i don't know she has a history of pushing religion on others she's a born-again christian and nobody in her family is religious so this is a common theme between her and my husband i think it's fair for him to set boundaries with her like i said i do appreciate the sentiment but i didn't tell her about it for a reason we are not close and her idea of comforting me does not bring me comforts i think i understand you it wasn't really a gift it was a way for your sister-in-law to force her point of view into an experience she wasn't part of and now you are in the position to have to engage with her in a more intimate way than you feel comfortable with you also might find it more manipulative than supportive because of her religious motives and proselytizing but the optics of it all makes it seem like you are heartless jerks who let their kid vandalize her gift that brought her such comforts i'd offer this advice apologize you and your husband should sincerely apologize then you need to tell her that you don't ever want to have another experience like this and since you would see the world very differently you would like to limit your contact to family events you really seem to find this woman a chore graciously quit the job she didn't vandalize it she used it to create a more meaningful piece it's like getting a dress that's more moomoo-style and cutting it into more of a fashionable wearable piece in my opinion it's not destroyed just change to suit the user posted by user throw away 1197 6051 titled am i the a-hole for not siding with my wife after she took my daughter's diary me male 38 got married to my wife nora 31 five months ago my daughter madison female 12 from my previous marriage is currently living with me and my wife my daughter is not on good terms with my wife there is constant tension between the two even though my daughter has been very respectful and keeps to herself my daughter madison has a diary where she expresses her thoughts and feelings and writes about what bothers her without having to bother anyone with listening it's her choice to do that and i respect her wanting her own space last week while i was at work madison called me and she was crying she told me that her stepmom took her diary and read through it and refused to give it back she said she wanted me to come home immediately i got home to find nora and madison having a screaming match i asked what was going on and madison told me that her stepmom snooped around in her room took her diary and refused to give it back nora denied and said that she had no idea what my daughter was talking about i asked my daughter to confirm it but she didn't she just kept saying her stepmom took it and must have hit it because it was gone that morning nora said she didn't do it i got stuck i didn't know what to do my daughter told me to look for it i started looking thinking she might have forgotten where it was and i was surprised to find it in our bedroom i gave madison her diary back and lied about where i found it i secretly confronted nora about it but she broke down and said that i was supposed to comfort and support her because she read the awful stuff madison said about her in her diary i told her she was in the wrong for taking madison's diary in the first place and causing an issue she got mad at me and went on about how she was treated and how i was supposed to defend her from this much hate and resentment i walked out of the bedroom nora stayed there all day and refused to eat dinner i brought her dinner upstairs but she refused to take it i bought madison a small box to keep her important stuff in so that she won't lose them madison and nora don't even talk to each other and i don't know if i handled this situation properly my wife is so ticked at me and disappointed that she's hurting and i didn't do anything to make it right reality check nora that's what you get for looking through people's diaries it's simply unacceptable in this day and age ever not in the history of mankind has that been okay to go read through someone's diary and if you do go reading through their diary don't be upset that you find things that you wouldn't like to see people have to let thoughts out of their head and that's completely on you for delving into opening pandora's box orbee it's not your fault that she was facing all this hate and resentment she chose to do it to herself you handled the situation well you didn't show any blatant favoritism you played a humble middle ground in this and nora should be upset because she did wrong she's the a-hole in the situation i feel bad for madison because this has destroyed the family dynamic for a little while and i hope that you guys can bring things back together opie not the a-hole not the a-hole for the question posed but i do think you're the a-hole for essentially gaslighting madison by lying about where you found the diary and then getting her a box so she doesn't lose things madison correctly believed your wife had stolen from her which she had and you chose to invalidate this reality presumably to try to not cause even more damage to their fractured relationship this wasn't for madison's sake since she clearly already dislikes and distrusts nora rightfully so it would seem this was so that you could keep both women you love in your life and on good terms rather than tell madison the truth that she was right and have to deal with further fallouts making your daughter think she was wrong that she had been stolen from and that she had wrongfully accused nora unfairly is not good parenting i would have to think long and hard if i wanted to stay married to someone who treats my 12 year old in such a way as to warrant my child to write about her negatively in that diary only to have my wife steal it lie to my daughter lie to me and then expect sympathy for their abominable behavior going so far as to say that you should side with her over your own child lol no wait i wouldn't think long and hard i would protect my child and divorce that wife immediately smiley face love heart face palm can't love this comment enough the wife makes my skin growl and this isn't a one-off occurrence back your daughter be honest with her about where you found it right now your wife needs therapy and a divorce i'd give her a box with a lock and tell the wife she needs to apologize and then do some therapy i never kept a diary because my brothers were intrusive jerks mostly the older one but at least i knew my parents would never have messed with my staff you're the a-hole not for siding with your wife she was 100 in the wrong but for this which was the lie about the diary you lied to madison thus making out that she was in the wrong for accusing nora and so nora will not apologize to her for what she did and madison will never know for certain that your wife completely broke her trust and now knows her inner thoughts you let your daughter down so fudging much she deserves the truth and apology from each of you and you need to make it very clear to nora that this kind of crap will not stand that she needs to respect your daughter and that you will put your daughter's well-being first i'll take it back this is a yoda a-hole judgment or everyone sucks here except madison i was wrong about my interpretation of opie's actions i apologize posted by user i called my wife sexy titled am i the a-hole for saying my wife is fudging sexy throw away for personal reasons my wife is five months pregnant recently she has been feeling a little bit insecure about her body due to the pregnancy i always try to compliment her to raise her self-esteem and try to remind her that she is an absolute stunner my mom is staying with us for a couple weeks my mom usually very sweet towards my wife has been awkwardly very critical of my wife we have a pool in our backyard and my wife was lounging in a bikini and my mom insisted that she cover up because she was being shameful also my wife still works out regularly completely her choice not mine and my mum started talking down to my wife my mum told my wife some very hurtful things when she was working out after those two incidents i asked my mum to stop being completely unreasonable because she was making my wife feel incredibly guilty over nothing my wife and i were planning on going for a nice day out while my mom was meant to be away my wife hasn't really left the house into the pandemic yet and started working from home so she wanted to get dressed up she came out wearing a semi-tight dress which she looked great in she was a little nervous coming down the steps though her bump was visible and my mom was glaring at her so naturally i told her that she was very fudge and sexy my mum first got mad at my wife's outfits claiming that she wasn't being modest enough for a pregnant lady then as we were driving my mom to my aunt's house she turned her anger onto me for two reasons enabling my wife's behavior and treating my wife like a random girl instead of my wife i said she was sexy rather than she was beautiful or gorgeous or pretty etc to be fair i thought my mum was joking at first about the whole not treating my wife as my wife but she wasn't and left the car mad at the both of us me mostly my wife isn't upset that i called her sexy at all but my wife ended up making my mom her favorite dish for dinner as an apology dish i think she expected me to do the same but i didn't want to i wish she hadn't as well my mom is mad at me for not apologizing to her for being inappropriate and apparently my aunt is also mad at me for the same reasons am i the a-hole what the hell what's your mom's problem she never had a fun husband before why is she hating on her for having a baby bump she's been pregnant too since when did lounging around in a bikini in your own house become shameful who are you showing off for what's your problem lady if anyone has a problem your mum has some mental problems going on there i see no reason to back down from those comments i would absolutely do the same for my wife because she deserves the world in the future if i ever get one that is not the a-hole edits thank you for all your feedback my mom has only truly made comments twice about my wife's choices during her pregnancy and i shut those comments down completely though i understand where the confusion may have come from my mum is staying with my aunt now you're not the a-hole for calling your wife sexy but you are the a-hole for letting your mum abuse your wife while she's fudging pregnant your wife is a saint for continuing to put up with your mother's bull crap in her own home no less you will remain the a-hole until you put your foot down and tell your mother she's got to go that's completely valid i've told my mum to stop and that she's making my wife feel bad over nothing but maybe i should take the extra step and make her go live with her sister for the duration of time she has to be away from her house shape up or ship out edits that's directed at the mom hell no tell her she's fudge and sexy even more mate she needs that kind of support way more than your mum needs an apology ain't the a-hole you're a good husband posted by user name change throwaway o titled am i the a-hole for not changing my name so this just happened and i'm not sure how to feel my ex and i divorced 12 years ago we have two children and share custody we have a great co-parenting relationship and have had zero issues with anything since our divorce my ex met his now wife five years ago and we get along good as well she's a good stepmom to my children and she treats them like they are her own i have remained single by choice because i spent most of my time at work or with my children i date occasionally but i'm not looking for anything serious my ex and his wife were married two weeks ago and i'm very happy for the both of them i think it's great that they finally made it official and they found happiness with each other tonight my ex's wife texted me the following she says so i think now that me and x are married you should change your name after all there can only be one mrs x's last name smiley emoji so i say hi wife's name i hope you're both doing well i'm a little confused as to why i would need to change my name well because we are married now and i'm his wife i should be the only one with his last name axe and i have not been married for over 12 years the reason i did not change my name is due to all the professional certifications and licenses x and i agreed when we got divorced that it was too much of a hassle to change everything and i would keep my last name the same to avoid the stress and headache of having to do that she says well that changes now you will change your name immediately i didn't respond to the last text she sent and after about 10 minutes my ex called me and demanded to know why i upset her i sent him screenshots of the texts and my replies and told him that this entire conversation is ridiculous and immature he told me that maybe i should just change my name so he doesn't have to deal with the drama i told him i refuse i said again that we agreed during the divorce i wouldn't change my name and even if i wanted to most of the state's offices and courts are closed where i live and it would be near impossible to do i told my ex that we haven't been married for 12 years i have zero romantic feelings for him and that the only reason i have maintained a relationship with him is because of our children i told him that they are our priority and we need to all get along to raise them as good co-parents i told him that changing my name won't make me any less my kid's mother or his ex-wife and that unfortunately new wife needs to deal with it he told me i was making his life difficult and wishes i would reconsider am i the a-hole for not wanting to change my name no not at all i don't think this wife understands the complexities of changing the name or is just denying the reality of it all because she wants her way if i were you i would make her sit on it and rotate if i were you op she cannot and will not have her way screw her and screw your ex-husband for you know enabling this behavior he should have shut this down ages ago not the a-hole update thank you all for the overwhelming support it truly means a lot i thought maybe i was being unreasonable but i see now that this is very common my children and i all have the same last name and that is again a reason i don't want to change it while our oldest no longer lives at home he's in the army my youngest and i make frequent trips overseas to visit him whenever possible so having the same name on our passports is easier i also looked into the time and cost to do the name change last night i would have to have a formal court hearing with a judge and have a signed and sealed decree to change it at a dmv and social security the courts here are closed due to the obvious reasons and you're only hearing emergent matters so my name change would be delayed not to mention the cost of this will be in the thousands and that includes the reprinting of all my degrees and certifications new office letterheads business cards updating to the state list for my profession and my malpractice insurance this will not be an easy process i think i'm going to address this with my ex-husband in a few weeks when all parties have had a chance to calm down and reflect a little i think that there may be some underlying issue at play and for those who asked the reason for the divorce was infidelity on his part i was working two jobs and putting myself through school and he felt ignored so he decided to cheat and i decided to get rid of 250 pounds of dead weight smiley face posted by user am i the a-hole 13 titled am i the a-hole for distancing myself from my son after i found out he's gay before you judge please read everything i kept it short i am not blaming him for this yesterday my son 16 male confessed to me and my wife that he is gay my wife was counseling him telling him it's okay and that we will love him no matter what but i was just speechless i know it's not his fault he's gay and i definitely don't hate him for it but at that moment i just felt like my heart dropped down into my stomach i never imagined my son the person who would inherit my family's name the man who i raised from a child to be a man would turn out gay my son realized i was not okay with it based on my reaction and it upset him even more he kept insisting for me to say something but i just couldn't i left the house and let my wife handle this when i returned home my wife acted extremely cold with me and told me that she will not be talking to me until i go to my son's room and apologize i told her that i'm still upset about this situation and will talk to him once i feel better i know i shouldn't have reacted like that but it was difficult to control my feelings now that you guys read everything do you guys still think i'm the a-hole here are you writing this out for pity op i don't understand what's going on here you've obviously done nothing to remedy the situation while upsetting everyone why do you think you wouldn't be the a-hole you haven't given us a reason that you wouldn't be an a-hole in this situation you were just asking us if we think you're not the a-hole but how could we not think you're an a-hole after these actions what's wrong with you you are the a-hole you're the a-hole it was much harder for him to accept who he is and admit that than it was for you to hear isn't the height of traditional masculinity being able to swallow your feelings op easily could have said some reassuring words in the moment running away was such a weak move you're the a-hole agreed but the way some people feel can't be immediately changed he's the a-hole because he didn't show his feelings to his son he should have told him he would need to adjust but he will work on it and always try to accept who he is feelings are instinctual it's not his faults however staying silent was not the way to go he should have expressed love and told him that he'll always work towards accepting this reality that's why he's the a-hole no it's a choice to be a homophobe don't say it's not his fault as if homophobia isn't a choice maybe that would work for a teenager but a grown man should know better telling a teenager i need to adjust when they come out is basically saying give me some time to accept you as a human in the meantime i don't though it's just a horrible notion overall don't defend the homophobia under the guise of people can't tell how they feel homophobia is a choice gay isn't you're the a-hole the way you're writing makes it seem you consider being homosexual a disease especially when you say it's not your son's fault being gay yet your heart dropped into your stomach and you didn't expect your son you raised to turn out gay he isn't diseased he's gay cheer up he likes dudes and so what what's so upsetting in this your wife likes dudes too from what i gather some people like dudes other like women others both others none etc how can your child's healthy romantic orientation upset you so requiring time to process this and even leaving the house after the talk is a very a-whole move how do you think your son felt he must have sensed your disappointment in him and that's a terrible feeling for a child to have sounds like he considers it more like a crime than a disease not many parents will say i didn't expect this son i raised to get cancer like it was his fault he makes it sound like the son told him that he was a serial killer 100 you're the a-hole posted by someone that deleted their accounts titled am i the a-hole for losing it with my friend when she accused our other friend of ableism the characters in this story are me 24 male lucy 24 female and joe 25 male a few years ago i had a health condition which required me to undertake knee disarticulation surgery in simple terms my right leg was amputated from the knee and all i have intact is the thigh i have a prosthetic leg now there's lots of things i can't do and a big thing is going on runs once i was out of physical therapy i did attempt to go jogging with my prosthesis as it wasn't impossible to do however i found it extremely uncomfortable due to the movements of the prosthesis and eventually gave up on attempting it i've tried various other exercises involving legs over the years and have concluded the only thing i'm comfortable with is walking so i try to do that and some other things to stay healthy before this joe used to be my running partner and our friend lucy was never interested joe came with me when i attempted to run again and i told him clearly that my running days were over he was a bit sad by it but understood completely and has since respected my wishes and never invited me out to runs with him here's the problem lucy started running and has been going out with joe she wondered why i wasn't going until she asked joe one day in front of me joe just said outright he literally has tried running and just can't do it anymore so i don't invite him why should i i don't know why but lucy took great offense to this she accused joe of discriminating against me and enforcing ableism as he was basically choosing lucy who was able-bodied over me i told lucy exactly what i told joe that i do not want to go out running and there was nothing but truth in what he said she wouldn't stop and she was making me more and more ticked i eventually got to the point where i said lucy just shut up the only person creating an issue here is you because there is no problem i don't want to go fudging running she left in a huff and has since accused both me and joe of being ahols but mainly me for losing it with her i didn't mean to say what i guess was harsh but she just kept pushing it so am i the a-hole no lucy obviously isn't on the same level of understanding as you guys are and she's misinterpreting your wishes to not run again as some sort of conflict between you and joe and that joe is discriminating against you and you're just hiding the pain and you're uncomfortable with it on the inside i'm gonna stand up for justice opie we're gonna kick this bozo joe right in his ableist face we are screw him at least that's where my thought process leads me to think that her thought process is going and it's just one that i don't agree with i think opie you were not the a-hole and good on you for setting the record straight she needs to calm down i would somewhat lose it too if someone was saying that to me because they clearly don't understand what they're talking about not the a-hole you tried running again and it wasn't for you that should have been enough for lucy to back off she is just causing an argument out of thin air also i would find it highly offensive if i told a friend i couldn't participate in an activity and they kept asking and badgering me about it that if anything would have been ableism hey man go do that thing you can't do anymore because you lost your leg it's pretty heartless isn't it oh my god this drives me up a wall so much i have a varying level of disability depending on how my body is doing nerve problems there are some things that i'm never going to do again and some things i can do sometimes depending it drives me absolutely bonkers when i clearly lay down where i am and what i'm capable to do on a particular day and someone just has to question that and push me to do things i said i can't especially when it's under the guise of concern or supports are you my bloody doctor or physical therapist no then shut the hell up and accept what i just said and move on extra irritation points when it's someone butting in like this person my friends have known me for years know why i turn stuff down and will ask and move on if i say no people who get fed up or like offended when i say no and a friend goes to do whatever activity i can't join in on like me not doing a thing means they shouldn't too are such a-holes not the a-hole she sounds like the typical person who wants to be offended for someone else to make herself look like a good person but at the same time doesn't care what the person she is offended for thinks posted by user roomie coy titled am i the a-hole for laughing at my friend who was cheated on by her boyfriend hey i know the title sounds off but please read so i have this female friend jane fake name we've been friends since high school we were neighbors and we got along pretty well in college i met my ex-fiance anna fake name we dated for four years i introduced anna to jane and they instantly became friends five months before our wedding i learned that anna had been cheating on me with her high school crush and she later left me for this guy i later came to learn that jane and anna were still close friends despite everything anna put me through i told her how uncomfortable it made me but she got mad saying i can't control who she's friends with in fact she saw nothing wrong with that since anna and the other guy had feelings for each other and that she had fallen out of love with me we soon had a fallout last year i ran into jane and we started talking again soon we were friends but not as close as before last week she came knocking at my house crying asking if she could stay at my place for a while i said okay the following day she breaks down into tears saying she just found out that her boyfriend has been cheating on him i couldn't help but smile a bit and i let it slip that well come as a [ __ ] isn't it she got mad and locked herself in one of the spare bedrooms and didn't talk to me for two days my cousin and my friends say that i was wrong for how i reacted but i don't know am i really the a-hole here i mean jane didn't cheat on you anna cheated on you people can still remain friends with someone that had cheated on you as unfortunate as that is i don't think you get to dictate other people's friendships all too much but i can see why you're not the a-hole in this instance but at the same time i can also see why you would be the a-hole she's coming to you for support and you're like huh sucks to be you you got cheated on how does it feel huh god feel it's karma sucks doesn't it god that sucks man i wouldn't know how that feels but on the flip side she didn't really help you when you were cheated on and then continued the friendship so i can see why you would be salty and your hurts and their hurts and you're just giving it back to them full circle as you can tell i'm doing a real stand-up job at explaining this one but somehow opie is not the a-hole in all of that and that's just beautiful to me might get down-voted for this but not the a-hole when you were cheated on jane by the looks of it didn't give a crap now she's expecting you to give her sympathy and that's bs exactly opie gets cheered on jane stays friends with the cheetah and says that the cheetah didn't do anything wrong jane gets cheated on and expects sympathy from opie opie calm as a bear but sure you can stay at my house for free as long as you need to jane shocked pikachu face not the a-hole maybe opie should suggest that jane's cheating boyfriend had feelings for the other woman and that makes everything okay oh and not the a-hole oh my god that that really rubs salt in the word right there so mean but warranted do you guys think it'd be warranted to say that to her i'm not sure i'm not that mean myself i don't think i could bring myself to do that to someone not the a-hole she had no problem justifying cheating when it happened to you just so she could stay friends with anna even though ana hurt you this might be bad to say but i think something like this kind of needed to happen to her so she can put things in perspective also she totally owes you an apology edits i also want to add that you shouldn't be too hard on her right now because she's probably hurting a lot it's never fun to get cheated on but i do think that this should be a learning moment for her everyone sucks here neither of you seem to hold each other's best interest at hearts she was wrong for what she did but what you did was wrong and full of spite towards a person crumbling in front of you you two just shouldn't be friends friends don't treat each other like this might be downvoted for this but i feel like this strong lasting friendships are more like this the kind that you can call each other out on each other's bull crap and come back out on top as long as the other person is accepting of how they wrongly treated the person in the person in that past the person in the person got babushka dolls going on because despite opie's one comment they are still allowing jane to stay at their place while they figure everything out despite the past god i really hope you guys aren't judging babushka dolmaki inside of me his feelings get hurt way easier than mine posted by user snoo macaroon 7686 titled am i the a-hole for not letting my child speak her native language at home title isn't as bad as it sounds that's what they all say you're always lying am i the a-hole you always lie to me my 35 male wife 32 female is welsh and i am english but if you get right down to it we're both british anyway she's always been kind of funny about identifying as welsh and not british no matter how many times i tell her they're not mutually exclusive lol i'm really tired of having to put up with her extreme nationalism first of all she insisted that our daughter have a welsh name so now my family can't even pronounce it or spell it typical i have to put up with jokes about my daughter's name all the time and her name getting spelled wrong all the time the only primary school in the area is a welsh school so my daughter has started learning all her schoolwork through welsh this is fine i guess it's pointless but other than not being able to help her with her homework which her mom does anyway it's not an issue the issue is that my daughter has started speaking welsh with her mother's family her mother and her friends outside of school i asked her to stop but my wife said i was being really rude to ask her to stop speaking in her native language but she can speak english too it's not her native language when her father doesn't speak it my wife said i'm an a-hole because i agreed to raise our child bilingually but i was under the impression that our daughter would still choose to speak english because it's all around us she speaks english and welsh at home sometimes mixing them both it's confusing and can't be good for her education to be learning it in a pointless language what happens when she goes to university in english my wife says i should get lessons for welsh and she would be happy to pay and help but i really don't see the point in learning a dead language when we can all just speak english am i the a-hole for wanting my child to speak english i don't know uh how far the stick up your ass is going and tickling your brain up there opie but uh it sure is having some fun up there isn't it seems like it's affecting your ability to empathize with your own immediate family and see that hey we're allowed to speak welsh if we want i shouldn't be embarrassing me but it is i'm inferior i don't know what's going on i don't think you realize just how many people still speak welsh and languages die when people don't speak them why would we not continue to speak the language so it doesn't die you're just encouraging languages to die out that's an a-whole thing in and of itself i encourage you to go learn welsh and support your family more you're the a-hole and it's okay but now my wife is making me sleep on the couch while she thinks about our relationship am i still the a-hole when she's willing to disrupt our child's life because i want my child to speak a language everyone speaks are you listening to yourself opie edits i'm okay with her learning welsh just not speaking it at home all the time it's stupid having a three-way conversation when people aren't speaking the same language but my daughter insists on using welsh edits i'm not going to answer questions that ask me why i married my wife i married her because i love her and dove why do you have to point that out what the hell edits going to bed some comments have given me some insights and i can't ignore all the you're the a-hole posts i thought maybe it was just the welsh being at it again but well there's more of you calling me an a-hole than there are welsh speakers oi come on now i'll have a think and chat with my wife tomorrow edits i'm having a lot of trouble sleeping i'll be honest might have something to do with me being 100 an a-hole to my wife and daughter a lot of mixed feelings how do i explain that i still feel like i'm right but i know now that i'm wrong we live in the countryside and it's been hard with lockdown i couldn't work and i was surrounded by all the welsh in my home without any english outlet of my own i was wrong and very bitter and used those bitter feelings against my own family i'm going to tell my wife that i'll get welsh lessons and i plan on couples counselling for us so that i can properly work through my crap i'd like to say thank you to everyone who helped me grow up and see that my daughter was more important than my childish selfish reasons i was so screwed up unwilling to learn because i was already behind and i'd like to thank those who shared their stories of learning welsh my daughter's name is megan or megan for those people asking edits my wife insists that we pronounce megan the welsh way it sounds beautiful but she gets annoyed that my family pronounces it like southerners so i popped it into google translate and it's me gun sounds like a weird jamaican mix but it is what it is you're the a-hole 1. welsh is not a dead language 2. you and your wife agreed to raise your daughter as bilingual stop trying to go back on your agreement three being bilingual as a child is a great thing it will not hurt our chances at university educate yourself i love how opi calls it extreme nationalism too like it's so crazy to encourage your daughter to learn two languages of which is extremely beneficial as you mentioned opie is acting utterly ridiculous about this you're the a-hole posted by user asking because drama titled am i the a-hole for telling my mom that she is the common denominator throw away accounts due to the drama i 28 female have a strained relationship with my mom growing up my mom verbally and emotionally abused my dad which caused him to file for divorce and file for custody for myself and brother 31 male when we were young i was nine my brother was twelve we saw her every other weekend growing up wherein she focused her attacks on my brother for some reason we thinks it because he looks more like my dad than me and however due to the abuse my brother cut contact with her when he was 18 and went to college but kept in contact with our dad i never really stepped up the visits with my mom but they trickled away on her end as she started dating again my brother and my father no longer contact her along with some extended family but i keep talking to her because well she's my mom i mean i have to put her in timeouts and she has genuinely apologized several times over the years so i mostly limit contacts i don't know hard to explain but over the past two years her behavior has just gotten worse and worse and during quarantine her need to latch onto me seems to have hit an all-time high the cause of this was her discovering my brother got married last year and never told her or invited her she came over to my place and began her usual rant of how dad turned my brother against her how i'm all she has and then cut into me as soon as she was done i served her lunch and she complained that it wasn't good she asked why i don't have a boyfriend because i just started dating again after leaving an abusive relationship question mark why didn't i move into a bigger apartment for her why this why that i'm too fat hearing that attack on my body was the last straw because it was one of my ex's favorite things to say i got defensive and told her that if this is how she treats people she supposedly loves maybe it's not others that are the problem maybe she is the common denominator i then kicked her out telling her to come back when she could string a sentence together that isn't an insult this is the first time i've stood up to my mother in this extreme of a manner i was shaking and had a panic attack afterwards she spammed my phone and i got some emails from some family that actually talked to her chewing me out and that i am all she has and i'm starting to feel guilty i mean she is my mom am i the a-hole um just sounds like she's gaslighting you and abusing you and you understand where all of this is coming from but no one else in your family understands or wants to deal with the problem maybe it's time to put mom in time out again let her have a few months to herself figure it out let quarantine and lock down chill out for a bit keep her away from you you are most certainly not to blame you're giving your mother a chance and she's taking her frustrations out on you you're gonna teach her that that's unacceptable and she needs to learn a lesson if she doesn't learn her lesson again guess what she gets that's it there is no leeway there is no space for errors one two three strikes sorry mom you know what was coming bye not the a-hole no you're not the a-hole from the sound of it telling your mum that she is the common denominator is spots on mum or no you have no obligation to put up with her abuse you deserve better than this honestly it seems like your dad and brother had the right idea let her turn her venom onto the family that's currently chewing you out for a bit yep if she's got family opie is not all she has the others don't want to deal with her either not the a-hole not the a-hole honestly congrats on standing up to your narcissistic mother it's a hard thing i'd get some therapy as narcissistic parents hurt you in ways that you don't fully see your brother who ran off is what is stereotypically called a scapegoat while she may have used you as a golden child if other family members come at you call them what they are flying monkeys their job in this case is to make you feel guilty for not allowing her to abuse you my stepdaughter who was 20 dealt with this and went full no contact when she was 17. she was happier and has had therapy once again congratulations on standing up for you posted by user bo bandits titled am i the a-hole for causing a scene at my grandfather's funeral for backgrounds i'm 21 female and my sibling is 23 nb they are androgynous in appearance and have rainbow dyed hair none of us get along with my dad's side of the family because they are very religious and can be brewed and downright homo transphobic my grandma uses horrible slurs casually i have almost had no contact with that side of my family in two years both my siblings and i are atheists my grandpa died earlier this week and his funeral was today i was at this church my cousin is a part of and trust me it is weird like lizard people run the government and 5g gives you the corona kinda weird my contribution to the funeral was buying and supplying all of the food and drinks plates cups etc for my family when my sibling walked in i saw the pastor stare at them and the pastor eventually walked up to us and asked how we knew the deceased i said we were his grandchildren he then asked are you a gay i know he directed it at my sibling but i also know how sensitive my sibling is to homophobia so i responded if you mean gay yes i am gay he then asked us both to leave at this point everyone was watching us and my sibling was tearing up i am super protective of them i told the pastor that this was a celebration for my grandfather that i had helped arrange and i would not be leaving because it was my right to be here he had a long speech about how he wouldn't have any gays pushing their agenda at his house of god my grandma said maybe it's best if you leave across the room when she said that i said fine we'll go so my siblings started to cry and got up to leave but before they did i got them to help me carry all of the food sandwiches wraps veggies drinks desserts that i had brought back to my car my whole family watched us silently i don't know what happened after that but we took a bunch of the food to our neighbor's house and had a sort of picnic with them my mum and dad were absolutely furious after they said we should not have made a scene because it was for my grandpa and not about us i had already paid my respects and said my goodbyes to grandpa when i saw him in the hospital before he died and so had my sibling we were only at the church because it was polite to attend my grandma is a narcissist and has lately been thriving on all the attention that her husband's death has given her she wore an elaborate ball gown style dress to the funeral like she was going to the prom so i'm sure she's loving all the attention that my family has given her since quiz stole the food at the funeral so am i the a-hole for quote-unquote causing a scene at the funeral and taking back all the food that i brought p.s everyone except for the pastor wore masks and social distanced the funeral was invite only because of a limit of the amount of people that we could accommodate safely classic story of homophobia going rife in institutions like this absolutely not acceptable behavior by the pastor absolutely not acceptable for other people to be enabling these disgusting and barbaric you know beliefs i don't feel like it's acceptable in this day and age i don't understand how these things continue to go opi is not the a-hole for causing a scene by taking the food back that they provided for their grandpa's funeral i mean to be excluded from someone's celebration of life absolutely disgusting and i feel so bad for the op not the a-hole you didn't make a scene the pastor did you existed and he had a problem with said existence if he had kept his mouth shut at a bloody funeral things would have been fine instead he had to push his agenda instead of letting your family grieve a loved one your family needs to realize you did nothing but answer a question were called a slur and were asked to leave because of it that isn't your fault at all bloody bigots if the pastor is part of a convention like a southern baptist methodist etc or a diocese like a catholic report them to their superiors that's inexcusable behavior for a man of god you might not think this will help but you'd be surprised right i could have sworn jesus's first rule was empathy followed by love your brother followed by judge not lest ye be judged and cast no stones as you've sinned too and that's if you even agree that they've sinned which i don't posted by user lady ashara d titled am i the a-hole for yelling at my neighbor because she called cps on my husband a little background i 32 female live with my husband 33 male and our two children jake six male and amy three female a young couple probably in their early twenties around next door neighbors now two weeks back my husband took jake and amy to a park nearby ideally i would have gone too as it's easier to manage the kids when we're both there but i had an important office work that day and husband had a day off jake wanted to use the swing but husband forbade it since he was alone with the two of them and said that they'd just walk around some time later amy got a pebble in her shoe or something and he sat her down on a bench to check it he specifically asked jake to stay behind him but jake i guess really wanted to swing and seeing his dad's attention elsewhere decided to run for it he was trying to go too fast lost his balance and fell all of this happened in a matter of seconds that was it they came back home we talked to jake about it and told him why he was wrong and we all moved the hell on imagine our surprise when cps or the equivalent to cps in our country we don't live in the us pulls up at our door and says that they've been given reports about how my husband was a negligent parent and how he put jake's life in danger they mentioned the park incident where according to their version my husband totally forgot about jake and that led to jake seriously hurting himself there were no serious injuries he had minor scratches on his hands and knees obviously they did not find anything wrong didn't tell us about the identity of the reporter though husband mentioned that our neighbors were present that day in the park and later when i asked the woman confessed she even went on to say that my husband was almost abusive and that she was just looking out for jake why do i believe my husband's version and not hers well firstly he's my husband and i trust him and also because jake confessed he disobeyed his dad i was super mad at this and i generally don't get that angry but she was accusing my husband of being abusive and she called cps on him i yelled at her that she didn't know crap about anything and she was just trivializing abuse and parental negligence she cried and i told her to f off her boyfriend thinks that she was just mistaken and i should forgive mistakes am i the a-hole if someone reports you and gets you in a situation where there is a potential no matter how small for your children to be taken off of you because of a minor incident that they misinterpreted i feel like you have full rights to get angry like op is getting i feel like it's unacceptable to report that if it's genuinely not abuse you just think it's abuse obviously there should be times where discretion is used and you should be reporting abuse but the way that things happened with this kid falling over and going back to his dad is in no universe warranting a cps call simply unacceptable i would get even angrier than opie is getting at this woman she deserves that hate and negativity that was a mistake she's going to learn that it was a mistake and not to do it again not the a-hole op that type of mistake could destroy family lives a child running off while a parent is distracted by another parent is normal behavior that neighbor needs to mind her own damn business now if true abuse or neglect was ongoing i would support it but a kid being a kid good on you for standing up for that one nothing worse than neighborhood busybodies measuring the world with their personal metric ask freak out franny how she'd feel if you called the cops to report how abusive her husband is the next time that they get into an argument i mean they're shouting so obviously that means he's beating her within an inch of her life right no oops just a mistake hey hopefully they aren't parents i had a neighbor who parked his ten ton truck in the street every day suburban streets one night he got home at like 10 p.m reverse beepers on full sound reversing up his driveway woke up my then one year old who's only just gone to sleep as he was suffering crowd poor kid woke up and screamed for hours i was rocking and shushing and soothing him the whole time but he was unwell and couldn't get back to sleep those very same neighbors called our cps equivalent on me had police come round and do a welfare check early next morning police said everything was fine but i was fudging shaken you betcha every single time that truck was covering my driveway i called the council every time they used a power tool past the noise cut off time called the police we only lived there a couple more months but of the crap i'd been putting up with to try and be a good neighbor all of it gone talk to your neighborhood crows if you have any i crap you not my old sour neighbor turned me into the hoa for having a murder of crows living in my yard obviously it didn't go anywhere so she began to yell at them and so begins our multi-year war of the crows and the old hag every year they dive bomb her and every year she screams at them reinforcing the behavior me and the crows were cool i really didn't care for them either until they gave me a reason to love them to forgive her mistake she needs to call cps and rescind her statements she needs to say i overreacted and if i can write a letter or anything that will undo what i did i'd like to for her to say he was almost abusive is to say he was not abusive i'm a dad and i'm probably almost abusive all the time for example i feed my kids vegetables but the vegetables are next to the napkins and if you think about it i'm almost feeding them napkins just about every day posted by user fluffybase6635 titled am i the a-hole for not apologizing for how i reacted to my daughter coming out as gay my daughter recently told us that she is a lesbian that is completely fine and i have no problem with anyone's sexuality i am the least emotional person ever i hate showing emotions when i actually feel them which is pretty rare and i certainly don't fake them because it is socially expected i am so in love with my husband but if you watch our wedding video i look bored my daughter knows this i said i was happy for her and of course we support her her sisters were making a big deal of how proud they were and hugging her and she was emotional but that is just never going to be me she got angry and said that i wasn't being supportive my older daughter said that isn't fair because i had the same reaction when she told me she was engaged and when she told me she was pregnant and that's just me my daughter wants me to apologize for not supporting her sexuality but i told her i'm not going to apologize when i literally said i support her and she knows this is how i am and that i've never been homophobic or anything in the past no i can't fault you for that behavior op she's trying to milk a reaction that you don't give and if you did give her that reaction she would probably feel like it was ingenuine and you don't want to have a fake reaction that is you know literally just guilted out of you by your daughter i don't know where she's suddenly getting this urge to have a huge emotional reaction from you but you know you're not obliged to do it everyone else understands i don't understand why she won't accept that you're not the a-hole keep doing what you're doing not the a-hole we need to get away from the idea that it is reasonable to dictate other people's reactions it's not and she should know her mother better not the a-hole i came out decades ago i'm also very private and introverted while acceptance has come very far it seems to have swung to a degree that would make me profoundly uncomfortable to have to perform for people who make a huge deal out of coming out applause balloons cheering if that's not you either as the parent or the gay child then do what means the most to you your actions in the upcoming months and years will attest to the genuine nature of how you accept your daughter this coming out is such a strange act when you really look at it nobody has to open a box full of pink and blue balloons or slice a special cake to say i'm straight because that's the defaults but when it comes to being gay there seems to be this social expectation that people will make a huge deal out of it it's honestly almost borderline homophobic that we expect this kind of detail and explanation about a person's sexual attractions when they don't conform to heteronormativity for me i would hate for my kids to feel like they had to do a big gay song and dance i want them to grow up knowing that i don't care much about who they want to f and i'll be delighted to meet any man woman or gender non-conforming individual that they bring home not the a-holo p when my friend came out to me i basically said cool and continued without conversation which was about sexuality the next time i saw them i acknowledged that them coming out to me was a huge sign of trust and that i understand how difficult that was and it might have seemed like i didn't care too much about their coming out that wasn't the case i just didn't care about their sexuality posted by user wordik2 titled am i the a-hole for not having a relationship with a child born out of my dad's affair i'm 24 and my younger sisters are 22 and 20. when i was 10 my dad left my mum for a woman that he was having an affair with their baby was born a few months later i didn't go for visitation and would only see my father alone a few times a month eventually my sisters followed me and refused to visit in his home my half-brother is now 14 my siblings and i do not have any relationship with him we don't blame him but we are just happy at keeping things separated our half-brother has messaged all three of us separately on instagram a few times my younger sister was the only one who replied and basically told him sorry but it's best to keep things the way they are i've just never responded the last time we had dinner with our dad he brought our half-brother along the three of us left quietly without eating and i later cursed out my dad for creating a very crappy situation all three of us haven't talked to our dad since i'm sorry if our dad and half brother are hurt but unfortunately it's a crappy situation and we're happy as we are am i the a-hole this is a hard one to judge i want to give it a no a wholesale situation because no one really is an a-hole i mean the worst coming from this is that you're not enabling a relationship with your half-brother and that can break his heart but i guess you're well within your right to not establish that relationship as you don't have to but i imagine if he's someone that wants that connection with his family he wants to get to know his siblings i can imagine that would hurt him quite a lot especially if you guys just to walk away from the dinner like that and hurt him even more your dad sucks here for putting him in that situation if he knew that you guys were going to stand up the dinner dates and just walk away like that it feels like your dad was setting up the brother for pain and he's not doing his job as a father to keep the peace and find the best solution for everyone in this situation but then i also take into consideration i don't know if i can blame him for trying it's better than not trying in some instances so i'm torn i want to say either everyone sucks here or no a-holes here it's hard to make a judgment on this one info why do you maintain a relationship with your dad who is the biggest a-hole here but refuse to talk to his kid i could see dad cutting off and thus functionally the kid but it makes zero sense to keep the old man around if you're not going to accept your brother it's barely a relationship if i'm being honest and it's a relationship that we are stringing along at the insistence of my mother but after the crappy thing he did at the last dinner i don't think we'll be seeing much of him going forward yeah i think that would be for the best keeping your dad in the picture but refusing to get to know your brother sends a pretty devastating message to a young boy yeah that's pretty sad for the kid who has done nothing wrong and reached out again and again soft a-hole here you could cut them both out or cut your dad and give the kid a chance you are harboring a lot for your failed parents relationship well over a decade ago even your mum has moved on and is clearly trying to keep everyone happy and you well not so much look at the other comments it's pretty clear she and her sisters resent the child's very existence it's fine if they want nothing to do with their father and the kid but man walking out like that ignoring and resenting the child who has done nothing wrong in all of this makes me sick to my stomach he's going to grow up knowing he has three big sisters who hate him and want nothing to do with him because of what his father did he's being shamed for his very birth as though it was his fault i hope he gets some therapy because that stuff will f you up in life but they aren't obligated to have anything to do with him why should they be forced to have a relationship with some completely random kid just because their dad cheated and screwed another woman he has literally nothing to do with them that sucks for the kid but at the end of the day his dad is the only one to blame he is the one that made the decision to make two separate families he is to blame if those families don't want to jail they didn't treat him like a random kid though they treated him like someone they actively can't stand to be in the same room with even if they don't want to foster a relationship walking into dinner and walking right back out the second they see his face is pretty fudging harsh probably because consciously or subconsciously opie and her sisters see the kid as the living embodiment of the destruction of their family and their dad's infidelity and they want nothing to do with that is this fair to the kid no but nothing is fair in this world and opie and her sisters shouldn't have to have a relationship with someone they don't see as family hell it's probably better that there isn't a relationship it'd just bring misery to everyone all around posted by user rachie 2009 titled am i the a-hole for being livid my significant other volunteered for a year-long deployment without talking to me about it first some backgrounds we have a very energetic four-year-old and i work a 50-hour a week job the closest family and friends live three hours away on top of that he has already been away on pandemic orders since march and now deploying in october i found out accidentally that my husband volunteered for a year-long deployment and i was ticked he has been lying this entire time saying it was not his choice obviously i believed him because that's how the military works when i found out i basically told him that all my trust in him is gone and i refused to spend my life being lied to and not having a say in our major life choices he said i was overreacting and he was doing what was best for us i've been so overwhelmed working from home with my child alone and trying to accept that i will be doing this alone for the next year and now this edits this is an mob where he will be staying in an extended stay hotel not in a combat zone added to he is a reservist not active duty i know barely anything about military but i don't think you need to know much about it to understand that he chose to go away for a year when he didn't need to do that and it was not acceptable in this family dynamic that you guys have got going on i don't think anyone can blame you for being mad at that obviously you would be the a-hole if this was the military putting him up and he had no choice so in this situation i feel like your anger is entirely warranted and who knows what else he's doing if he's able to lie to you like this this could just be the smoke you're smelling from a huge wildfire who knows not the a-hole i don't think you're overreacting it sounds to me like he's avoiding his responsibilities to you and your child to get away and trying to use his service as a shield for any blame while i respect his service to our country it's crappy of him to use deployments as a get out of jail free card besides there is a massive difference between being forced to deploy and voluntarily doing it at a time where you clearly need him in regular work there are things you need to volunteer for if you ever want your career to progress i imagine it's even more so in the military so i wouldn't just assume he's trying to avoid family work the problem is all we can do is assume stuff because this dude didn't communicate anything op has to be included in these discussions and him just deciding he is doing what is best for them without her inputs makes him an a-hole i mean yes it's true this move will likely help his career however i can't think of a sinkhole circumstance under which it's reasonable or okay for a parents to unilaterally decide on a career move of any kind that involves being away from their family for an entire year if someone got offered a once in a lifetime year-long research contract somewhere they couldn't bring their family along they would be expected to discuss it with their spouse before accepting doing any less is crap and lying about it is just the icing on the cake okay and i think that's where we're going to end today's episode guys as always i do hope you enjoyed it and maybe even learn something from these stories just want to say a quick shout out to my patreon subscribers and my channel members you guys should be on the screen right now if you do see yourself i want you to give yourself a little pat on the back for being amazing and supporting me on this channel this uh little journey we're going on on the youtubes i really appreciate it and you guys enabled me to do all this amazing work so if you do see yourself i love your face and i'm happy to see you also guys if you want to pitch in your own support you don't have to but channel links are down in the description below to support the patreon the channel membership whatever you want to do it's kind of like tipping me if you feel like i'm doing a good job on this channel i will be opening up avenues for content on those in the future just right now i'm kind of bogged down and stuck in ireland but you know it is what it is anyway guys with that said i do hope you have a wonderful day today whatever you're up to i'd love to know down in the comments below i do hope you have a good day night sleep whatever you're up to today tell me and i'll see you in the next episode guys bye

Channel: Markee

Views: 26,807

Rating: 4.8490567 out of 5

Keywords: aita, amitheasshole, r/aita, r/amitheasshole, aita reddit, markee, markee reddit, markee aita, markee amitheasshole

Id: jtgpewaXe4A

Length: 180min 10sec (10810 seconds)

Published: Tue Sep 01 2020