r/A-Holetax "I'll Pay You $7,000" "NO, PAY ME $5,000 YOU MORON!"

welcome to our /a whole tax where people pay the prize for being a butthole this is a story about my mother and the butthole who donated genetic material for my brother and me they broke up before my younger brother was born and my mother had to take him to court when he refused to pay child support he asked for paternity tests continuations and delays to the proceedings there was no doubt about paternity this but whole strategy was that for each month of delay before child support was ordered he would owe less money court orders wouldn't be back dated this child support suit had already been in process while my mother was pregnant seeking support for me which led to my mother standing in family court three days after giving birth to my brother alternately waiting through other people's court appearances and going out to the hall to nurse her brand-new son our Father didn't show up and his lawyer requested a continuance another court date sometime in the future probably a month or two out my mother said I would rather not have a continuance your honor the judge who was a woman said well we'll have to get a continuance anyway in order to correct this paperwork Opie's brother's birth date is incorrect this date would mean that he is three days old my mom said no that's accurate the judge said what knowing that it's hard for a nursing baby that young to be away from its food source where is he out in the hall with his grandmother according to her my brother's crying could be overheard even inside the courtroom the judge taking a second to gather her thoughts let me get this straight you gave birth three days ago and showed up and he couldn't make it to court for no specific reason he has also failed to submit income statements the lawyer tried to make an excuse but there really wasn't a good reason my father was just being a butthole okay what do you estimate his income to be I know he earns six thousand dollars per month normally I also believe that he acted as a real estate agent in the sale of a home that will get him $50,000 in Commission in that case I am ordering that he shall pay $10,000 per month in child support until such time that he shows up in court with income statements it supports a different decision my father called my mother to reach a settlement for child support within the hour he also showed up punctually to every subsequent court date dealing with custody and other complications of reproducing with a butthole he was forced to pay that first month's $10,000 following the judge's order though so when the dad calls the mothers saying please I want to settle on the child support I think your mom should have said yes but after a continuance our next reddit post is from beagle in the snow when I was younger my family owned a mom-and-pop ice cream shop our pitch was that the ice cream was made daily in-house in fact there was a glass window between the eating area and the production room the room was staffed 24/7 and a fresh batch was constantly in the mixer as you can imagine we absolutely guzzled milk we were able to produce two batches an hour each batch required 1/2 gallon of milk which cost us a buck each combined with the coffee creamer and other dairy products we went through around $2,500 a month of dairy product which we sourced from one supplier understand ice cream cakes carried out our largest profit margin not to mention that my mother absolutely loved baking that said they had to be ordered at least a week in advance no rush orders it actually took a week to buy the ingredients had them shipped in make the correct flavor of ice cream bake and frost we were having a pretty quiet day when a man came in to order an ice cream cake for his daughter's birthday our manager Kay was in charge of handling cake orders so she started with the standard questionnaire what flavor what icing any text on top and of course when the cake was needed to the last prompt he said that the party was to happen on the next day kay politely indicated that it would be simply impossible to make an ice-cream cake in less than 24 hours but he got incredibly testy a box cake takes two hours how does it take you a whole freakin week he followed with the fatal mistake feel free to give me a ring if you get your stuff together lucky for you my daughter wants your ice cream for her party he left a calling card as Kay and I were mocking it we noticed something the business listed on the card was the company from which we bought all our dairy it was a local farm and incidentally we were actively looking to cut ties with them because they had been unreliable with their deliveries and left us without product multiple times if there was one thing Kay didn't tolerate it was customers getting snippy with her because we were an independent establishment we had a lot of influencers try to work us for exposure one had already tried today and Kate was tired of that BS you're taking over for a bit Kay said I have some calls to make the next day when I opened there were three calls waiting on the voicemail one from the man begging us to make a batch of ice cream for his daughter's party and two from his company demanding to know why we would no longer be spending two point five thousand dollars a month on their milk so just doing some quick math on this twenty five hundred dollars times twelve is thirty thousand dollars a year this butthole is paying a $30,000 a year butthole tax because he decided to be a jerk to the wrong person whoops our next reddit post is from B Simmons for Prez so there was this one time than an interaction with a customer went so sideways that I'm still amazed by the results I was giving an existing customer quote and my boss at the time told me to give him a discount we were pricing out some network equipment security system and cameras to connect with a point of sale system when their cash register honestly I don't know why this guy was always rude and trying to see how far you could go I went to meet him to present a quote went to meet him at their store on an hour away even though he has one 10 minutes from our office because that's where he wanted to mean he wasn't there when I arrived so I called to make sure he was coming he told me he'd be there in 15 minutes he showed up two hours late normally the equipment and installation for this job would have been around 2000 to 2100 even still I did as I was told and I gave him a discounted price of 1800 and instead of trying to haggle he just said okay it's 1200 no it's 1800 yes 1200 the price is 1800 that includes a pretty big discount that my boss wanted me to include so it's 1200 then now it's 1900 no it's 1200 and I want you to do these other things as well for no extra charge look the price is 2000 at this point that's the best I can do what but you said it was 1800 yes it was but you're not even trying to haggle you're just trying to take advantage of me that's disrespectful and you are completely wasting my time and result we did the job and he paid $2,000 our next reddit post is from cheesegrater suicide so this didn't happen to me but I got to witness everything firsthand I used to work in sales at a car dealership and my coworker had the pleasure of meeting this couple they walk in co-worker greets them and right off the bat the boyfriend is rude they're looking for a new car for her and he is there to make sure she doesn't get ripped off they look at a few cars and eventually settle on when she likes everything is going alright and she is a trade in vehicle that needs to get appraised the boyfriend says that they won't take anything less than five thousand dollars for it the manager inspects and drives the trade end then sends my coworker over with the paperwork and numbers for everything good news guys the numbers came back great your car is actually worth more than you thought and we can offer you $7000 for the trade end here's the cost of the new car - the value of your trade-in and the boyfriend stops him right there and says this is B ass he looks at his girlfriend and goes this place is ripping you off there is no way that car is worth $7,000 they are doing something shady we shouldn't accept this deal my coworker has no idea how to respond to this so he just sits there bewildered while these two are getting ready to walk out the manager sees them getting up and comes to take a turn boyfriend tells the manager that they're leaving because they're getting ripped off explains that there is no way in heck that car is worth seven thousand dollars and that he doesn't trust the dealership anymore my manager is clearly surprised but handle it like a champ he said may I see the numbers we gave you there may be a mistake he looks over the paper briefly and said oh I apologize for the miscommunication this trade value was for another unit I was appraising it wasn't the actual value of the car is four thousand seven hundred and fifty but if we can make a deal today I'll go ahead and bump it up to five thousand dollars for the sake of making you happy [ __ ] boyfriend decides this is a great deal now and they end up purchasing the car for two thousand dollars more than before we laughed about this for the next couple years until I left the business how dare you give me more money than I thought what kind of idiot do you think I am to get two thousand dollars for free I'm on to you our next reddit post is from Humble singer so I was standing in line at the supermarket and the guy before me is getting his item scanned by the cashier suddenly a very angry man in suit and tie storms in pushes the guy who was about to pay and in a loud and angry voice demands I did not get the discount for the avocados I just bought and hands the cashier his receipt the cashier apologizes takes the receipts and looks it over the behavior of this guy is totally unwarranted I usually shop at that same supermarket and that specific cashier is just amazingly polite and helpful the amount of money on this discount is probably something closer to $1 or so anyway the cashier then pauses looks up from the receipts she's studying while all the other customers wait with an overly grateful and clear voice she says oh thank you so much for pointing this out I had forgotten to input the number of avocado that will be 2 dollars and 40 cents please and again thank you for bringing this to my attention it was the smallest sum of money but I could just feel just how good that felt for the cashier and for everyone in the line witnessing as this rude guy reaches silently into his pocket and pays for his forgotten avocados and then leaves without as much as a look at the staring line of people witnessing this a man discounts on avocados is no joke as any millennial will tell you avocado toes is why none of us are able to afford buying a house anymore our next reddit post is from Sir Bobson I had this experience a few weeks ago and I'm still fuming about it however I learned a valuable lesson I work in the home services industry one recent client had two similar jobs for me estimated at X amount each it's the slow season for me and I don't want to lose these jobs I'm willing to negotiate the first job I offer free services instead of a price discount I need the cash and I'm willing to work a little harder for it the customer accepts but later asks for a discount anyways it may cost me both jobs if I refuse so I make it happen only my boss can authorize a discount and I work hard to convince her it's worth it she eventually allows it the customer signs the contract and I get to work halfway through the job the customer cheats me into doing more work than was on the order which means even more free services I need the money so I let it slide now I'm doing way more work on this job for less money than originally quoted I can't decide whether I'm desperate or just a complete idiot it's somehow it gets worse when it comes time to pay the customer pays in cash she hands me exact change excluding the tax this is not what we agreed upon or what she signed for on the contract at this point I can barely keep my composure in order to get her the discount I failed to mention the free services to my boss had she known about it she certainly would not have approved the discount I went above and beyond for this client I volunteered extra free services lied to my boss to get a discount let her scam more out of me and after all that she still stiffs me in the end I need to get out of this house before I do something that cost me my employment altogether if we start arguing about the tax I know I won't be able to remain professional so I pay the tax with my own pocket money I make a big show of this and make the customer crystal clear that I'm paying part of her bill with my own cash her smug look of victory makes my blood boil to this very day for the rest of the night ice - I've never been more upset about a job in my whole life I'm so angry I can't even sleep the next morning is the second job and I have no intention of doing it I'd rather take the loss than work for this lady one more time I charge everything the full peak season price and considerably extra for the work she was obviously going to scam me into doing the second time around the bill is now considerably higher than the original estimate she gets absolutely no discounts no free services and she must pay up front the tools are in my van the van is running it's clear that I don't intend to do this job and I have one foot out the door already the lady is shocked and confused she tells me she didn't pay that much yesterday for the same work i tactfully explained what I did for her yesterday and how I can't afford to do it a second time she uses that eternal line but my guy can do it for half that price I tell her that it sounds like a good deal and he can certainly do it I pack up my paperwork to leave her confusion turns to desperation she obviously doesn't have a guy and nobody in this city is as big as an idiot as I was now this work isn't going to get done at all cheating me was a bad idea as I begin to pull away she shockingly agrees to my obviously inflated price I refuse to get out of the van until she pays up front she doesn't even argue this not only do i recoup my losses but i actually make extra on top of that the butthole tax paid in full now if a customer immediately starts asking for discounts and favors they automatically pay up front and I will never ever lie to my boss again my job is not worth your savings that was our slash a hole tax and unless you want to pay the a hill tax you had better subscribe to my channel and hit the like button

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,091,813

Rating: 4.921124 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, asshole tax, r/assholetax, butthole tax, r/buttholetax

Id: JWjxMF10G5k

Length: 17min 2sec (1022 seconds)

Published: Sun Aug 04 2019