r/Prorevenge I Stink Bombed My Neighbor's House So Much the Mayor Got Involved

welcome to r pro revenge where a cheater ends up jobless and homeless i live in a 10-story apartment building in a dense part of a city with numerous other tall complexes but also a number of old single-family homes one such home abuts my building directly under my eighth floor apartment the longtime owner has had a pigeon coop in his backyard for years the birds smell and are a nuisance but no big deal then about six months ago the owner took it upon himself to dump 20 pounds of bird seeds in his backyard daily attracting 200 to 250 city pigeons they are ferals that lived in a nearby park but once the feeding started they ended up hanging out on my neighbor's roof most of the day every day complaints to him to desist were fruitless numerous neighbors also complained to city officials but they were useless animal rights activists on our city council who halted a pigeon control program a few years back as cruelty to animals are very pro-animal they refuse to take action under the pretext that there is no sort of nuisance law that city could use in this case the smell from the pigeon droppings in his yard progressively got worse and the birds started roosting on our property and dumping on parked cars several disgruntled neighbors including me pondered a solution for months a neighbor and i arrived at a solution artificially escalating the nuisance level of the problem specifically the bird reek so the city can no longer ignore the nuisance it had to be logical secretive and calibrated someone couldn't throw dog poop onto his property and expect an outcome long story short we concocted an odorous slurry using my eighth floor balcony directly over the pigeon lover's backyard i gave it gradually increasing midnight sprinkling of slurry which disappeared into the grass in his messy backyard within one week the increased odor emanating from his property reached half a block away suddenly the problem was resolved we didn't see the official action but word was that several prominent businessmen who own a restaurant down the street complained to the mayor about the stench the city took action the guy is now only allowed to keep about 15 pigeons in coops no more feeding the ferals an unorthodox solution to a problem that needed to be dealt with great solution op but not where i thought this story was going to be honest i thought you and your neighbors were going to start sticking your butts over the age of the balconies and taking a dump on your neighbor's house that probably also would have been effective but in a very different way now how many of you are imagining a butt sticking over the balcony and dumping onto the neighbor's house if so please hit that like button because it really helps me out our next reddit post is from jennabear this story takes place almost 12 years ago so i'll do my best with the dialogue and details but admittedly some things are a little fuzzy most of my life i've had a problem with picking men that were not good for me so much so that i even had a phrase for it saving the world one [ __ ] at a time one of my more spectacularly bad choices was a guy by the name of bob obviously not his real name i met bob when i was working one of my two jobs at the local mall he worked somewhere else in the mall so we hit it off and soon enough we were in a relationship within a few months my lease was up and we ended up moving in together which obviously in hindsight was a huge mistake but i was dumb and lonely soon enough red flags began to fly he would say things in common conversations that were simply incorrect like there's only four continents and the rest are actually owned by the martian government and thus don't count etc and when challenged would circular talk until you either agreed with him or drop the subject he would also make claims that seemed entirely unbelievable such as when i asked where he had been staying prior to his mom's house he said he camped in the woods when i asked how he did that for months on end and without any gear he simply gestured to himself and said this is all the gear i need the worst trait though by far was his epic laziness i have never witnessed someone so lazy in my life bob was unemployed for over a third of our relationship and would simply sit in the apartment watching netflix or playing some war game on his computer aka my spare computer typing away in the group chat he would never clean up after himself leaving dirty dishes in the sink and filled on every surface while taking a shower maybe once a week the smell that permeated my apartment could only be described as revolting and could easily gag a maggot i would inquire a few times a week on his job hunt only to be dismissed or given a growing amount of excuses such as but i don't have a car how would i get there the bus doesn't run in that area the internet went down so i couldn't apply etc etc meanwhile i'm working double and triple shifts at my job to try to make up the lost income and running him all over town in my off time getting applications and helping him fill them out and turn them in keep in mind he doesn't have a cell phone so all of these apps have my contact info on them thus begins the era of him holding my phone while i'm at work so he can make calls or schedule interviews and also i can get a hold of him from my store phone if i needed to things began getting weird he began staying up later and later on this group chat sometimes still almost dawn sometimes he would hang out all evening until it was time for bed then he would always make some excuse on why he needed to check the game before bid and he'd be right there hours would pass no bob i began to get suspicious but nothing incriminating seemed to be taking place so i just shrugged it off as me being insecure then he started asking to use my card to go see his best friend ben now i wasn't super comfortable with this but i did know ben pretty well and we got along almost better than bob and i did so i guess to a degree i trusted ben more than bob and agreed to it this happened a few times while i was working the evening shift and he was always back at the allotted time with my car and my phone and relatively grateful for the opportunity to hang out with his buds suspicious um yes but i'm the kind of person that is loyal and trusting to a fault and don't assume anything without proof and from every angle all seem to be on the up and up so i took it at face value so one day he asked to borrow my car and go with his friends to a card gaming tournament he put on a great show telling me how the prize money would help us out and with the deck he had there was no way he could lose i just had to let him use my car and phone this one last time and he would be able to buy himself a phone with the prize money i wasn't a huge fan of the idea but nothing untoward had occurred in the previous instances and i didn't feel like spending my only day off at a card game convention that i literally couldn't care less about so i acquiesced i bought myself a couple green monsters and some vodka and had my own little personal drunk party hours tick by and no bob eventually i pass out only to wake up at the crack of dawn violently sick this went way beyond a hangover i started wretching in the bathroom until there was nothing left but bile but the wretching wouldn't stop hours ticked by and i lay in my bathroom floor sweating and convulsing with no phone no car and no bob i eventually was able to crawl to my room and wrap myself in a bathrobe before crawling down my apartment building stairs and began knocking on the closest doors it took three apartments before someone opened the door and allowed me to use their phone to call my mom my mother was at my apartment in six minutes flat and rushed me to the er where i was diagnosed with an aggressive and antibiotic-resistant strain of c diff bob finally showed up later that afternoon phone and car keys in hand looking very concerned and claiming to be deeply apologetic but my mom hated him from that point on i was out of the hospital and back to work within a few days but it was the beginning of the end during these last months we were constantly scraping by due to his lack of consistent income and poor spending habits there were jobs gotten and there were jobs lost for various reasons throughout our relationship but the final job was the one i helped him get literally three buildings down from my own workplace this company rents furniture and electronics on a weekly or monthly basis and i happen to know most of the employees and the hiring manager as they are regular customers at my coffee establishment i was able to use what littlest way i had to get him on there and he accepted a job as a delivery man within a few weeks i come home from work to find a brand new tv and entertainment system and him grinning like an idiot i tell him we can't afford this we can barely afford to eat and are surviving off scraps i bring home from work he talks about his amazing employee discount and assures me it's no big deal that the rental fee will just come out of his paycheck etc i was pissed not only had he not consulted me he also had me on the account as well my info had been taken from the credit application i filled out as a favor to help their numbers so if he flaked i was liable fast forward another few weeks the rent is late and we're receiving eviction notices on our door i come home from work and the tv is mysteriously gone thank goodness i think he finally realized we can't afford it and took it back he gets paid rent gets paid and all is as good as it can be until i found a pawn slip for the tv in his pocket as i was doing laundry and went ballistic he assured me he had plans to get it back in the works and to not worry about it it'll be taken care of soon and no one will be the wiser i was too pissed to catch on to the secrecy aspect of the situation a few more tense weeks go by with him working mornings and myself working evenings while we shared one phone and car until that fateful day arrived i woke up that morning with a migraine headache and opted to let bob take the car but leave me the phone so i can call someone later on for a ride to work a few hours of uncomfortable sleep go by before i'm awoken by my phone i answer the phone still groggy hello there is a long pause on the other end of the line until a female voice asks um is bob there i felt a sickening feeling in my gut and began to shake is this real am i dreaming no he's at work right now but this is his wife total lie but hey is there something i can help you with i wasn't rude i phrase it as a genuine question rather than an accusation another long pause before she began to stammer about maybe she had the wrong number but it was obvious she just wanted to get off the phone with me as quickly as possible and i realized in that moment that i desperately needed her please i said with an edge of desperation in my voice i don't know what's going on but i just really need somebody to tell me the truth the last word came out in a sob and i just sat there for a moment in silence trying to quell the urge to just cry uncontrollably listen the voice on the other end was almost gentle i need to make a few phone calls but i promise you i will call you back she said it calmly and with so much conviction that i really wanted to believe her please you promise i almost begged i promise she replied okay i took a deep breath and released it i'll talk to you soon and hung up i then proceeded to aggressively pace my living room floor staring at my phone while chain smoking and muttering to myself like a crazy person i knew who she was calling i was replaying all those little red flag moments in my head from the last few months pinning down dates or behavior i'd found suspect when the phone rings again it's her i froze for a moment shocked she followed through and called me back terrified of what this meant i answered the phone and what followed was about the most soul-crushing 45 minutes of my life after initial introductions june again not the real name and i began comparing stories and it became glaringly obvious what was happening they had actually been in a relationship several years prior and had run back into each other on the aforementioned war game where they began to flirt on group chat all those nights he'd been on the computer he'd been chatting with her all those times he'd go hang out with his friends he'd been using my car to take her out and my phone to communicate with her the time i was sick and alone with no resources you guessed it he was with her oh but it gets better do you have a little silver hummingbird necklace she inquired yes my mother gave it to me for my 27th birthday actually i love it really cause he gave me one for mother's day omg i almost yelled into the phone as i ran to my room and tore through my jewelry box it wasn't in there it was around her neck from there we discovered not only had he been giving her my property as gifts but he'd had her over to our apartment passing it off as his own i didn't want to believe him capable of doing something so cruel and disrespectful when i have allowed him to sponge off me for the better part of three years unfortunately as in confirmation she began describing my apartment to a t all the way down to my bedsheets june said he even pulled my secret box from beneath my bed and offered to use my adult items on her she said she found it weird and didn't partake but i threw them away due to the sheer ick factor finally she uttered the words i didn't know i wanted to hear you know what we should do we should bust him together my mind immediately started racing indeed we should i was a mix of fury adrenaline and despair so my thinking wasn't exactly straight and details begin to get hazy here we arranged to meet up at work and to find a way to lure bob over there but unfortunately she lived about 40 minutes away whereas i only live about 6 miles from our destination so if i got there first i need to stall him assuming he wasn't out on delivery i called a trusted co-worker of mine at work sobbing and begging for a ride to his everlasting credit he got somebody to cover and left work to come get me and bring me to my car when i got to bob's workplace i went inside to retrieve my keys this isn't uncommon as they know the car is mine and was stopped halfway through the store by bob's manager wanting to talk about the payment due on our account i don't remember the exact dialogue but i said something along the lines of look i don't know when you're going to get your payment i looked utterly defeated and told him we could never afford the tv in the first place and how i had begged bob to take it back and now we don't have it anymore as bob has pawned it and i don't have the money to get it out let alone pam i was full on blubbering at this point when he stopped me to clarify that his employee pawned a rental tv under contract i confirmed that this was indeed true and presented him with the pawn ticket he was mad apparently such an act is illegal in his terms for immediate termination but he assured me that if i could get the tv back to him there would be no harm no foul and he would terminate my contract without any penalties i thanked him for his understanding and told him to let bob know i would be over at my workplace my heart is pounding in my chest and blood is roaring in my ears what was i going to say what was he going to say would june make it here before he did my heart sinks when i see bob's hoaxing form making its way in my direction i frantically scanned the parking lot for june's car she's not here yet and i'm out of time he hits the door looking out of breath and guilty as heck and i just stare at him stone-faced i walk outside silently to light a cigarette unsure of exactly what to say and he follows me wordlessly outside he starts in with the it's not what it seems and it's all just a terrible misunderstanding and i just let him dig himself deeper into his whole of lies i listen i nod i pretend to understand until a particular car pulls into view june parks in the space directly next to where we were standing and gets out of the car hey bob how you doing bob has gone visibly pale he hangs his head and sits down on the curb saying nothing to either of us june and i greet each other and awkwardly shake hands before again returning our attention to bob june begins berating him on his lies and deceit unveiling all of our mutual info and subsequent conclusions while i stood mostly in silence agreeing at the appropriate times but mostly still in shock after 20 minutes of this i finally mustered up the courage to take my stand we are done i don't want to see you ever again i'll pack up your things only two boxes worth and your sister can contact me in a few days to pick them up now i want your key i held up my hand and looked at him not until i get my stuff out then you get your key he replied i tried to argue but he continued to refuse and used his large stature to his advantage knowing i'd have no chance in a physical altercation he turned and walked away heading back to his workplace june and i talked a little more before she handed me my hummingbird necklace and left i stood there alone staring at nothing trying to wrap my head around what had just transpired and then i cried oh how i cried with nowhere else to turn i had only one call to make to my mom the moment she answered i unleashed this deluge of words at her that were half sobs and half rant stay right there i'm coming she said god bless my mother soon enough both of my parents pull up in my dad's truck and my mom gets out to comfort me and give me hugs i look at the driver's seat and see my father with his jaw clinched and a death grip on the steering wheel while staring straight ahead oh crud they take me to the pawn shop and my parents write me a check for more than 500 bucks to get the tv out and then drive straight over to bob's workplace and return the tv to the manager as the manager finishes up the cancellation paperwork my dad spots bob pacing around the back of the parking lot talking frantically on the phone unfortunately i didn't get to hear the ensuing conversation but my dad returns within a few minutes holding my house key and looking victorious i believe this is yours he says as he hands me the key and then pulls me into a hug and i cried a little into his shoulder my dad gave me a squeeze kissed my temple and whispered into my ear they're firing him i leaned back to look at my dad and he just smirked and said now he's jobless and homeless i thought about it for a second before i said in my most sarcastic tone oh i'm so sorry to hear that we laughed about it a little and my parents gave me some words of wisdom before leaving me to drive myself home where my best friend was already waiting to keep me company bob and his sister showed up a few days later for his pitiful boxes of stuff he tried to talk to me to explain but my best friend descended on him like a harpy if he muttered more than a few syllables in my direction so he was shut down almost immediately he left that night and i have never heard from him since i blocked him on social media but there was really no need as he made no effort to contact me on any level that's bob ever lazy ever deluded and always a butthole so here i am many years later happily married to my high school sweetheart and a mother of two beautiful little boys and grateful to have moved on when i did the experience with bob certainly took its toll i lost a lot of weight due to lack of appetite but had a myriad of trust issues moving forward but the point is i moved forward i have grown leaps and bounds as a person since this experience and am truly content with where my life is now but every now and then when i'm drifting off to sleep i can't help but wonder whatever happened to good ol bob is he out there somewhere in the woods with a stick in his wits as his only year waiting for a martian government to make its move ah well a girl can dream man opie i can't believe he wanted to use your sex toys on his mistress that's super icky either way i'm glad you kicked him out and your parents seem like real awesome people that was r pro revenge and if you like this channel and want to support my content please hit that like button because it really truly helps me out

Channel: rSlash

Views: 1,486,719

Rating: 4.9119296 out of 5

Keywords: reddit, r/, rslash, r\, sub, subreddit, best of reddit, reddit top posts, top posts, top posts of all times, funniest posts, funny, comedy, funniest reddit posts, funny reddit posts, funny reddit, fails, cringe, nuclearrevenge, prorevenge, r/nuclearrevenge, r/prorevenge, pro revenge, nuclear revenge

Id: VIfD-6Dz-V4

Length: 23min 54sec (1434 seconds)

Published: Sat Aug 03 2019