Mr. Verified Contest - Off The Rails #9

two welcome welcome everybody we are off the rails today and actually we've got a special episode go ahead clap you can clap yeah don't be shy don't be humble thank you shredder today is something special we've been planning for a while mr verified what is mr verified you ask it's our own version of uh miss universe featuring all the guys the categories are we're going to ask questions we're going to test them on their style and we're going to check on their hidden talents we're going to have a live vote you can the link's going to be in the description we're going to unveil it the winner on friday and the win why is it called mr verified well the guy that got let's talk a little bit the guy's been arguing backstage quite a bit about trying to get verified being verified is very important to some of them um and right am i right uh mostly zach yeah mostly to zach yeah yeah well i i've i've experienced a great deal of people actually stealing [ __ ] off my instagram page like what just some videos of me playing guitar pretending to be me and stuff like that and it's just kind of like [ __ ] i need that blue checky my dude we need that blue check needs that blue check but let's be honest any of these guys would be happy to have a blue check you right oh but of course i actually don't i i hate the check mark thing i don't exist on social media i don't want a blue check yeah dan says that but i mean i've been saying it consistently for like the last month that we've been talking about in this episode dan's play is the reverse psychology play where he acts like he doesn't care and he does a whole anti this isn't just for the show though i was i didn't even want to do this episode you're playing right into the trap you forced me to do this i can't quite i'm not god i can't work you're my boss what am i gonna do completely refuse come on i said i didn't want i said yeah i said do a b ian and zach and i could you guys run it from behind not at all this is a lot of fun are you i mean come on this month well regardless i wouldn't buy it but the reason i do is dan is like legit free of want anything like even free [ __ ] we get you see that how that guy shovels down chips well tell me he's free of one that's the exception that was a whole thing in the sketch last week was uh that was what got me to break my zen meditation was though well regardless um very excited to present uh mr verified coming up in a little bit later here and um so the winner of mr verified i will be using my considerable resources which basically consists of writing just an email to some uh social media reps that i'm in contact with for twitter so just to clarify it's not a guarantee right oh absolutely i can't guarantee anything the promise is you will write a single email i'll take it exactly so i will write an email to the instagram uh tick talk and twitter social reps that i have and i'll say hello dear xxx this person is a huge is massive deserving legendary please uh check eat them up i guess that's all i can do to piss off the instagram god i mean i mean i can't of course i can't guarantee it i don't work for instagram we just want protection from the instagram gods yeah i'm going to protect your algorithms for being just watching my algorithms get crushed but mostly it's the title i mean let's be honest it's the blue check email yeah i'll be honest yeah i want it and the only reason i really want it is just to flex some people back home that's it that's good back home huh back home here how many people check it out back there yeah foot soldiers love you guys but whatever they know me but back home if they got to see the blue check yeah now as you're saying in la more people are checked out everybody's checked out yeah i i kind of agree with that at home in detroit not so many checks not so many checks there's some people in high school that piss off a lot if i had one so oh that's that's good yeah that'd be pretty cool but more importantly zach doesn't want those fake accounts you know i'm sure there's ton hordes of them i can't show you it's getting out of hand that's the big thing i'm sure there's hordes of uh it happened yeah and i feel bad because people are like is it the zack lewis with four followers okay or the one with fifty thousand right you can't tell anything nowadays you know yeah and i mean it's you playing guitar so how much how damaging can it really be to steal your content i mean it it it feels it's not like they can plaster their own face on it and i mean you can do anything now with photoshop sure fair enough ian how are you you feeling motivated you feeling interested or do you want the title i mean you know it's uh sure it's a good bonus there's a guy with my name who's a real estate developer and he's not verified so i want to flex on that i'm sending him a message instantly that's important yeah that is important so dan is the only one who is rising above but i appreciate your honesty ian how many times have you tried to get verified zach good question uh one two three four five or six and and and what do they tell you uh when they reject you well their their qualifications are you need like a um you need print like a printed article about you oh um that's gonna be a tough one yeah um but now there's a feature where you can add links to um try and get verified so um it just doesn't work they're like uh sorry it's not important maybe we should hold maybe what i can do then is the winner i'll i'll pay someone to write an article about them and we just put it in some dumb spam site but it's interesting because there's some people that are verified on instagram or twitter well hold on this is perfect i'll pay a writer to make the an article about the winner of mr verified and then we can post it on some weird site map spam black hat seo crap or whatever i i don't know the specifics but that that's one of the uh qualifications alrighty there you go the the ante's been up even further the winner gets an article exciting stuff here guys really fun well today's episode is sponsored by kraken upstart expressvpn and hbo max we love our sponsors guys don't we that makes it all possible you know who i love even more than my sponsors i hate to say it but i got to my wife i know it's hard to believe i know it's hard to believe but i do love her more than our sponsors much more in fact speaking of my wife teddy fresh thursday 10 a.m new collection is just i gotta say this is one of the finest she's ever put out look at this tie-dye shirt hand brushed water brushed tie-dye i have never seen a shirt like this in all my life look at the details you know cropped women's patchwork that's hot another colorway oh that's hot don't touch me cat uh i forget the name that's the old one don't worry about that yeah so if you guys are interested uh when this comes out in the morning teddy fresh you know what it is check out our new collection thank you thank you peace and love oh one other uh update here so obviously you guys heard the tragic news that families has come to its natural conclusion and uh we love our my parents and we wish them well but we must move on we must press on h3tv is now going to be happening live on youtube to consolidate the forces i still want to collaborate with people on twitch bring them over while we're all live i think that that'll be awesome but right now we are planning next week to start doing monday and tuesday h3 tv live we're really excited because we've been working on the format and it's going to be like uh interactive uh submissions taking questions reacting to stuff we've got a really great system for screening calls and suggestions now since our gecko episode and um we're going to implement that system and i think i'm really excited actually i think it's going to be a really fun time so monday tuesday and in the meantime we're working on finalizing the details for the new host exciting news to come in and join me on another kind of you know format with another person so that's exciting we're all excited looking forward always looking forward so join us on monday and tuesday for h3tv listen james charles guys you know i hate to keep i keep i hit i hate to beat a dead horse but this is funny man yeah really sad james charles liked this tweet why is every person over the age of 18 convinced that the only way to have fun is to drink or get high [Music] what do you know about anything over of people over the age of 18 here was a good response that is so true love how james charles liked this when it said over the age of 18 like he would actually know what people do over 18 do oh my god this is the t it's a little bit of a sussy tweet to like you see the power of that blue checky this guy's getting away with he's getting away don't touch a lot you can't keep getting away with this yeah why are all people over the hdt age of 18 convinced that the only way to have fun is to drink or get high i just want to have good clean fun with james charles and that's why he's interested in people under 18 because they know how to have fun i wonder if he'd go to the mall with him going to the mall is a good way to have fun if you're under 18. run into a b there hopefully yeah i mean uh james is interested in people under 18 who have interest like going to the playground sister snatched well i'm just curious what people under 18 do they have fun um he plays fortnite i know that minecraft so shout out to james one other top of the show one rudy giuliani the ghoul himself this guy if he needs any more supporting evidence that he's the one of the fallest human beings on earth i mean how many times does rudy embarrass himself outside the the uh the porn shop the porn shop you know he did an interview where he was literally dripping from his forehead like zorg believed from the fifth element of bleeding squidding from his head and now here he is the former mayor of new york city america's mayor the president's personal lawyer is caught in an airport cafe shaving what should i play yeah here he is shaving in a [ __ ] airport cafe you absolute demon you freaked the me is using what what is this he's using like using water from the table to lube it up or something it looks like at the very end of the video he reaches over to grab a chunk of food or something have you no shame at all sir and it's a sexual dance like this is something i expect to see in walmart but let alone rudy giuliani the former pr mayor of new york the president former president's personal attorney to do this in public too i mean have you no shame sir going for a slice of bread right afterwards all right i was right he is going to eat that [ __ ] is covered in your [ __ ] stubble dude like it's going all over the place it's definitely on whatever it is that he's supposed to put in his mouth i just this guy is a walking l machine i mean this guy i i'm blown away here here's michael rappaport's commentary which which was apt so i'll play that for you with his original commentary take it away michael says it better than i could look at this [ __ ] live from jfk sunday in jfk look at rooney giuliani former mayor of new york you nasty filthy sloppy disgusting filthy [ __ ] animal i'm showing it again show it again shaving your shaving yourself in public you [ __ ] pig you should be ashamed of yourself lock him up you [ __ ] dog you yeah michael certainly has a way with words and i think he nailed it right on the head i mean think we should lock him up it's unbelievable disgusting this guy says that the election was stolen and the man can't even [ __ ] am i supposed to take the word of a man who shaves in an airport cafe on anything i mean again like this is disgusting but when we've already witnessed him just just oozing [ __ ] black sludge yeah from his skull it's like where do you even go from there i mean the guy is just a [ __ ] grotesque human being dude i swear to god and i i'm sure many of you remember this movie it's one of my favorites zorg you're talking about fifth element yeah that is a wedding black ooh and then here there's even a rudy giuliani meme without me even asking well yeah it's definitely it's spot-on comparison here's literally what happened god damn anal sex yes exactly so shout out uh one other thing i wanted to get to you know snitch star keemstar whatever you want to call him karen star some have called him i'm not here to criticize him i'm only here to report the news because i would never harass or criticize this man you know and and yes i and yes he is writing emails constantly to youtube and so i don't want to you know i don't want to say anything negative about him because he's going to report it to youtube so i'm just i'm simply going to report on the news and this is certainly newsworthy this is something that a lot of people are talking about what the [ __ ] is this this is snitch star outside triller headquarters because they won't want to [ __ ] explain this [ __ ] to me yeah he's trolling you but this is a photo of someone else they're like oh kim's in the back randomly oh he he restored he restored it yeah so frustrated you think he's over knarking on on me to kavanaugh bro i mean he he's the guy that's got the dossier on everything apparently what was he um what do you think gaby you get in the mind i've i felt like he was from the beginning i said that well what's funny is you constantly see kavanaugh like he pinned a story about like me when i got in trouble for saying something and um they mentioned stuff like that too and their latest complaint that seemed completely out of nowhere and someone has to be informing of this stuff and here you have him at triller hq it's the same person that sends it yeah he does this he goes out of his way to do it yeah who was it recently uh it was uh what you were feuding with what's her name nikita yeah oh and david dobrik too right right like basically anybody that you get into [ __ ] with he's immediately in their dms trying to give him you know giving him the folder from his desktop bro some some people accuse me of being obsessed with keemstar bro this man there's no comparison i hate keemstar no well he said it not me for the record i didn't say that box me [ __ ] didn't say that either yeah big element yeah i remember nikita like i was beefing with her because i was like just you know i was just fighting with tricia you were defending trisha yeah i mean i was i was going to bat for her and she started tweeting out all the classics and then we were all like oh it's definitely keemstar and you know he admitted to it i think keemstar shut up didn't say that wasn't me so that's interesting it's like snitch star is really an app name when you think about it damn and and to think that him restoring this is interesting and not outing himself for being a snitch well he thinks snitching's okay as long as it's public so maybe this is his way of justifying it just like he said oh i told on yeah i told on ethan i tagged susan but it was public i don't think he actually thinks that because he i think he's just doing somersaults to justify right um anyway there's some there's actually just this is kind of just our editorial take on this um nobody likes a tattletail that's keemstar's face on a child yes oh yes i'm bald yes i would like to talk to the manager that is a reference to karen starr some call him cairnstar not me of course some [Music] stay snitching and keep bitching that's him with uh takashi 69 another famous snitch you know [Music] and i can't say i understand this one here what is this that's the famous karen in the park oh wow i'm not familiar with this photo so people will get this yeah very popular karen meme okay just a sweet family so he's calling susan presumably yes yeah susie potter and the ball didn't snitch [Music] that would be susan waginski who he tagged on twitter uh susan wojcinski and the baldon snitch and keemstar is the golden snitch from harry potter love that of course i'd never love kim [Music] i wish the best for him oh where's the honor what's the honorable mention meme is it in here and i missed it uh that was the one with the photoshop where you photoshopped his girlfriend out uh that the who what it was in this folder because it's too much how is it too much it's fantastic i'm busted how is that too much it's not it's just him in a pool i have been caught like literally don't care about the girlfriend or the breakup i just love him in the pool add it back please i'm begging you or put it in discord yeah kim could send it thank you good luck ethan yeah keemstar's actually been you know taking applications for new girlfriends which is you know keemstar [ __ ] what 40 min 40 year old men do when they're looking for you know girlfriend thank you cameron this was um [Music] yeah i was just this picture well i don't see what's what's so bad about this photo yeah i don't see what's wrong with this one i mean it's a man and a jersey and a hat and a pool like that's pretty normal there was something photoshopped out of it but i don't remember what [Laughter] and you know there was a big there was some big keemstar news actually it's been widely reported i'm gonna submit it without commentary of course because i don't want to harass keemstar i would never never too mad i posted this uh let's watch yeah keemstar made an appearance on aiden ross's stream very popular twitch we've talked about a few times uh here is keemstar's appearance can turn it up a little bit crypto [ __ ] hey get his ass and run out what's up buddy how you doing hey how are we doing though real good you good i just did a podcast with tana mojo it was so raw so really epic [Music] gemini jesus i think you should box here's why you have natural energy they see it in the stream right you need that like you have natural energy you guys you mean holy energy like some cold like [ __ ] no emotions like killer energy about you i'm 39 she's 20. so he came at me like whatever and he was like saying that i had like a little dick my dick didn't work as [ __ ] and he got trouble with youtube yeah so here's keemstar in a room of like people in a social setting he's on stream and what does he do he brings me up no one there gives a [ __ ] it's like shut up he goes ethan said my peepee's small and i'm dating a 20-year-old and then i think the natural response that most of them are have and then he goes and then he got in trouble with youtube it's like i think the natural response is like first of all like why do you care that he just made a stupid joke and why are you celebrating they got banned on youtube some like a little snitch also for most of the people in that room other than aidan probably who's ethan what are you talking about who are you they have no yeah he thinks that everybody's following our beef in the whole world again i refuse that we have beef of any kind i think shut up he's just obsessed with the story but anyway um yeah people don't care and they are confused and uh it's like i snitched to youtube and he got in trouble and he said i had a little peepee and i'm dating a 20 year old it's like dude bad vibes on the fence you see what do you think about that look at this no what's even worse is every time he legitimately went on his show this [ __ ] wanted a show he said it was on anti-depressants and the side effects were that he didn't have feeling in his dick projection again it's like shut up why are you talking about that my my phallus doesn't have is as reduced sensitivity do you think really that these dudes want to hear that and furthermore i don't think that it's the diss you think it is being like this dude selling antidepressants what a loser like i really don't think that's that especially you're trying to reform yourself right as the new enlightened mental health advocate i don't think making fun of somebody for taking antidepressants is necessarily a good look it's a very common side effect keemstar it's like a romeo julia this is such a disaster for him like dude you came on you're talking about another dude's sensitivity and his penis team star [ __ ] like what the [ __ ] dude bro so weird and let's be honest if you're gonna accuse anyone of harassment or going below the belt i think attack i mean making fun of me for being on antidepressants and having side effects is not really that valid not really that cool of a commentary not that it offends me and not that i'm complaining to mommy susan just saying he's trying to put that on me cool dude he literally bounced the lie detector the hood [ __ ] lie detected the text [Applause] so something funny happened and then keemstar overreacts so hard and kills dude you know i think i was watching a video of a guy he had a really good observation he's like this is what happens when you put keemstar in a natural setting where um you're not being louded as some cool dude by a bunch of 12 year olds who who can ratio people on twitter like this is what real life is like great [Music] and you know that's about all i have to say about keemstar who you know i think's a great guy with love and adoration the ultimate entertainer the best in class he's the best at what he does folks keemstar there's actually one other absolutely unbelievable story that i feel like i have to talk about before we get into it the guy from infowars who made a whole story attacking me in fact he even went as freakishly low as to accuse me of being a p-word because i posted a picture of my newborn baby's butt on instagram listen to this by the way this is the guy that shows the entire world uh pictures uh loves to show people pictures of his baby's butt uh not i wouldn't be into that he's into that but that's fine he's such a weirdo dude anyways about how i was saying i think people should get vaccinated was this really related to the crowd or thing or was it something else no another another time that a bunch of right-wing weirdos got mad at you it's amazing that just saying i think people should get vaccinated very upsetting is enough to rile all the hornet's nests but anyway this guy did like a whole 10-minute hit piece on me saying that did he say about me horrible things and then he ended it up with saying you know i like individuals ethan klein he gets to exist on youtube and he gets to exist on facebook and he knows in order to be able to do that he has to promote the big government he has to promote a big lie that's what i'm doing so that he can have his videos on youtube he says hey no vaccine passport if you want to be on youtube you have to promote vaccines it's not fascism you whiny f words right this was why we are trying to prevent people from dying oh please oh please why does he not oh please number one so first they insult yeah i found that i found that to be altered and ultimately irony is that for all the vile [ __ ] they say uh the f word is is is a that's a lie too far yeah yeah you hide their inferior intellect then they give you their very virtue signal anyway this was a thing that happened well the new the update with this guy is fantastic uh let me just roll this clip and we'll take it from there this was from a few days ago it happened during a live broadcast of infowars he got a call from his lawyer with some bad news the deal ladies and gentlemen a couple hours ago i was informed by my attorney that there is a warrant out for my arrest tragic with allegations involving january 6th you don't say and i will have to turn myself in no monday morning [Music] so sad there's a lot of questions some i have answers to some i don't i'm not gonna be getting into more of this today on the air good idea and suck in a day declaring innocence of these charges because i am and so there's some other stuff going on too but uh that's the deal good luck so i'm not gonna i'm not gonna comment any further on this i'm not gonna take any questions on this today but again i was informed by my lawyer that there's a warrant out for my arrest right now and that i have to turn myself in by monday morning bummer such a bomber why do good things hap why do bad things happen to good people yeah he doesn't he's going to declare innocence but good luck here's the complaint let's see let's just go to the exhibits where they show photos here's [ __ ] be a part of history fight for trump here's [ __ ] that's not that incriminating by itself but this is storming the capital wait storming the capital hello i never sucked any ding-dongs right storming the capital this was put together by the fbi presumably rough times dude rough times man can i just saying that whole clip he was talking like owen wilson in that marvel clip he was i don't know anything further this is the first time for me being arrested by the fbi this is the first time for me being out being held accountable this is the first time for me when keeping it real goes wrong hey and can you believe i'm still walking the street while posting pictures of my newborn babies butt once on instagram for shame there's no justice in this world is there well with all that being said let's throw it to a commercial break and when we come back let's get in to mr verified time to take a short break hey guys if you're interested in investing in crypto currencies but aren't sure where to get started check out our friends kraken app with kraken you can buy and sell over 50 of the most popular cryptocurrencies like bitcoin dogecoin ethereum on the go 24 7 it's super easy to get started all you got to do is download the app create your account and you'll be investing in minutes it's one of the coolest things about buying crypto through kraken is that you don't need a lot of money to try it so even if you want to buy some bitcoin you know that's probably somewhere around 40 000 you can buy for as little as ten dollars just to get your feet wet with kraken you can buy a little a little bitcoin find out for yourself why kraken has been one of the highest rated places to buy crypto for the last 10 years go to kraken.com h3 to learn more or search for kraken in the app store and remember kraken they're friends of the show these guys are awesome we love kraken uh please support kraken if you're in the market thank you thank you this episode is brought to you by hbo max many of us are plumbing into the depths of our streaming platform searching for something new to watch i know i am constantly looking for an entertainment fix and if that's true for you boy do i have a suggestion it's hbo max [Music] first of all since i got on hbo max i find myself on there more than any other app this is straight up facts and they do this thing that is way too good to be true they have same day movie premieres of the biggest movies of 2021 every single month they've got warner brothers pictures will be released and available in your living room the same day you can watch for free with the subscription obviously but it's like no additional charge you go on the app you can watch the movie it's amazing i did that with um what was the director's cut the schneider director's cut of justice league which i was hating i watched all five hours of that boy and i liked it i loved it um here i've got a list of some of the upcoming stuff suicide squad squad that's out now super fun honestly really enjoyed it this one they've got dune lots of hype for that i'm super stoked yeah um no additional cost to watch those when they come out they've also got in the heights a musical event that celebrates the meaning of home you can't go wrong with the creator of hamilton and the director of crazy rich asians that is quite a roster space jam is out a new legacy look you knew you loved the original and now space jam is back with iconic lebron james going all out dunk city with the tune bugs the toon bugs bunny and this animated live-action film these titles and so many more will be available in theaters and on hbo max for a limited time and at no extra charge to subscribers the release dates are subjects to change so get on it and sign up for hbo max at hbom dot ax slash h3 podcast and if that link's a little confusing you can go in the description we'll link it there it's hbo m.a.x h3 podcast love you hbo using the internet without expressvpn is like walking your dogs in public without securing them on a leash it's mental most of the time especially with my dogs they'll they'll go after the first person they see killers most of the time you're probably fine but what if one day your dog wanders a bit too far and gets dog-napped by someone or in my neighborhood coyotes you know you never say that's why you need expressvpn every time you connect to an encrypted network in cafes hotels airports your online data is not secured any hacker the same network can gain access to steal your personal data i'm talking about passports financial details etc it doesn't take much technical knowledge you know to hack someone all you need some cheap hardware you know a smart 12 year old could do it and that's why we need to protect our flipping data and you know hackers are selling your information online for a thousand dollars per pop on the dark web no not having any of that expressvpn creates a secure encrypted tunnel between your device and the internet hackers can't steal your sensitive data it's super secure it take a hacker with a super computer over a billion years to get past expressvpn's encryption no smart and that ain't no smart 12 year old getting that it's easy to use fire up the app and click one button to get protected bada boom bada bang and it works on all devices phones laptops tablets and more so you can stay secure on the go guys get expressvpn it's not worth the risk you know use your use your devices with the ease of mind what i love the most yeah about expressvpn is the peace of mind to be able to access any networks and know my information secure so let's secure your online data today by visiting expressvpn.com h3 that's e-x-p-r-e-s-s-vpn dot h3 and you get three extra months for free at expressvpn.com h3 love you so many americans have experienced financial hardship in the last year let's face it upstart can help you regain your footing and get things back on track upstart is the fast and easy way to pay off your debt with a personal loan all online whether it's paying off credit cards consolidating high interest debt or funding personal expenses over half a million people have used upstart to get one fixed monthly payment upstart knows you're more than just your credit score and it's expanding access to affordable credit unlike other lenders upstart considers your income and current employment to find you a smarter rate for your loans and with a five-minute online rate check you can see your rate up front hence the name or upstart kind of not really uh get your rate up front for loans between 1 000 to 50 000 and you can receive funds as fast as one business day after accepting your loan find out how upstart can lower your monthly payment today by going to upstart.com h3 that's upstart.com h3 and don't forget to use our url to let them know we sent you loan amounts will be determined based on your credit income and certain other information provided in your loan application remember guys that's upstart.com h3 thank you thank you [Music] well guys it's about that time we've all been looking forward to this all year long and there's so much on the line that's right it's mr verified who is he is that mr verified is that mr verified it could be him wow the winner gets the most valuable prize an email by moi the real mr verified sorry uh well i i mean i am literally verified on all accounts [Music] [ __ ] what what's wrong with what i said i mean i thought we were picking mr verified how are you missing well i'm like you know how the crap like the queen hands her crown at like the queen never gives her credit stop it yes the winner the previous winner hands her crown to the new winner someone backed me up here you're passing the torch yeah i thought we're talking about the queen in england i was like why did you go to queen in england this is miss universe queen okay you said the queen you're ruining my intro you're ruining my moment dan this is about me right now i'm the original mr verified and i'll be passing my crown to one of these worthy gentlemen and as i was saying before i was rudely interrupted by dan the winner gets an email from yours truly hi uh so and so from instagram i know this great guy you won the contest can you verify him uh no oh i tried mr verified cause you can be mr verified thank you thank you thank you thank you but it's not about me this evening is all about you guys so without further ado let's get started with the event thank you all right guys welcome to the first uh portion of mr verified uh the questions and answers porsche we're gonna test their intellect they're wet and how quick they are on their feet number one coming up first is ian like that now i just want to talk about here step up to the marker please thank you so much now i want to talk about a little bit about um right before we went on there was a little bit of pants drama going on uh ian's tuxedo pants are about what looks like five sizes too big yep i may have been caught with my pants down a little bit do you know what's your theory on why you got the pants way too big i mean there's a couple of theories floating around the office that i may have overheard go ahead what'd you hear i just heard somebody you know say someone might have had the right pants i don't know zack was zach clearly has ian's pants and was refusing to give them not refusing i said let's switch [ __ ] pants but only now if we've been waiting i never refused and they were trying to fix his crazy waistline i never refused zach i saw you next to the bathroom and you go i'm not wearing the big pants you're the best is that not what you said you wanted to switch [ __ ] pants no wait no no answer that question did you say that i don't remember saying that now i want to defend zach oh oh yeah you were there ap i didn't see are you gonna defend zach i think zach's being used right now i think he's being used as a bit but i think he's wearing his pants why is ian's pants so big then i don't know i just began cosign dan said zach's wearing well ian's pants zach coming up to me complaining that his pants are too small and coming over to me complaining his pants are too big i'm like you guys obviously sweetie really there's a are you doing a group right but you can't tighten it no you can't tighten it oh you can only loosen it this is literally maxed out you can't tighten it you can only loosen it yeah i can make it looser if that helps it's really good i'm sagging well these are fitted custom tuxedos zach so finish okay sure they're fitted i mean everyone's looking pretty sharp to me do we all get measured by the same person yes there's a little funny business going on here i think i think zach's got ian's pants come out here zach let's take a look at your pants all right he's coming let's just weigh in here because this is important to the mr verified lore okay now now those are looking a little snug on you zach what do we think what size is that what's the waist size come out here come out here you don't know the waist size they they were like let's suit them like a like a scuba suit i mean look at how big his waist is look at these dudes that's way too big i could smell nice shot ab why we why are we showing the shoes yeah those are too high and you're taller than than ian this is like clearly you have his pants do you want to go switch [ __ ] pants i don't want to no no i'm kind of you know what i should have came out with like just a barrel with like straps over my shoulder now let me ask a question let me ask were the suits set aside with the pants you know what i mean yeah they were all painted together and they were labeled by name it would have it would have been at the tailor they swapped them so nothing happened here zach and ian yes do you guys want to go switch pants real fast and let's see if maybe this was what happened let's do a fat a quick pant swap if we could please take a short break here for a pant swap go ahead quickly okay we've performed the pants swap and the results is not what anyone expected except well they're actually even bigger now right they're much bigger now eh oh i'm a little confused you can't button well i thought i just saw your junk but it was just a wrinkle so not these pants these pants won't these pants won't stay up on me and look how [ __ ] short they are can we pan down look how short they are so are these coming in pretty tight on the waist no they're big they won't that does oh oh both well i mean that's comically big no you're like this doesn't make sense dude look at this this doesn't no but okay the debate zach just had these on what are you saying they were staying up yeah because he has a bigger waist what's the mystery well he's not here well apparently he is thank you zach thank you i think that in conclusion i think you did have the right pants in and uh the tailor made a little bit of a calculation there you want them back are they better oh come on we don't have time for this [ __ ] these keep falling down dude there's no way those are bigger than these yes they are no these are bigger guys can we please just do the show can i just say that guy i believed in you for once we were on the same side and we were right all right moving on we're filming this at 4 50 because i had massive diarrhea crippling diarrhea and we had to start super late so we are um trying to push through here guys crippling diarrhea okay thank you all right behind you again or what okay nope you you're okay here we go ian step up to the marker please okay miss ian you have one minute can you put on a one minute timer here one minute to answer each question uninterrupted got it like speed like jeopardy or not yeah family feud speed round it's hot in here guys i'm sorry was that your answer to some kind of you want me to slam them out all right here we go you ready dan we got one minute okay okay your first question are you ready what is time you have one minute time wait is that my only question i have a minute to answer time yes okay okay okay i'm killing time time well time you know if i get verified if i get verified time is is i measure time and the amount of swipe ups i can get in my freaking brand deals selling pots pans all sorts of [ __ ] every additional second swipe up baby cash out cash out baby i'm doing gabe ah time time is money guys time is i mean i have a whole i have a whole freaking how much time i have if you want to know my entire lecture about what is time it's 55 parts you can get it once i'm verified if you go to lincoln bio i'll describe to you my 55 part course time discussion maximize your growth baby we going to somewhere wow what an interesting answer unexpected an unexpected twist on the time or the question what is time what is time thanks dude fascinating have an issue having pants issues uh okay we have one more question for you i just got to see these these pants are so [ __ ] short on me it's uncomfortable zach i listen i got i got diarrhea bro we gotta push through we just don't have the time to stop this isn't blue check this out this is all this is all about we're on borrowed time right now we're on borrowed pants that's what we're on okay all right pipe down just take off the pants if it's bothering you i mean put on your normal pants you know he's like wait that's an option all right next question okay ian take your time it's no longer about time and the timer has not started step up your marker please okay what is gravity and why isn't it up one minute i don't need a whole minute you want to know about gravity look at my pants every second pulled to the floor why i don't know the taylor knows about gravity expert theory of relativity is moving strong in me a minute okay gravity is gravity and why isn't it up gravity oh why isn't it up hello but it's not in the right spot um how much time i got i could do more why isn't it up gravity please answer the question um it's up because it's up because it's up because it's stuck lyrics by cardi b please answer the question what is gravity she said it that's what it's up because it's stuck dude check the lyrics lyric genius all right i would say another interesting response from young ian a little bit of an invasive answer i'll say but uh an answer nonetheless he filled his his time well ian any final uh plea okay hey don't look over here i mean you kind of caught me back i mean i kind of got don't have a choice when you flash me like that and he's parting a message for the voters um if you guys vote for me give me that blue check here i might be able to get some clothes that fit and um that'd be big that'd be big for me all right thank you ian thank you thank you up next thank you wow tremendous uh responses from ian up next we have none other than the wizard the ep the great executive producer himself [Applause] up next we have none other then dan step up to the plate here please dan looking sharp looking great you see that last guy you look like [ __ ] [ __ ] yours actually fits great so i don't want to shout out dan how are you feeling um how are you feeling about getting questions are you feeling good are you feeling confident uh get us into your state of mind please well as you know i have no interest in being here um i think this entire competition is a sham and a waste of time um other than that i feel great though well you did say about the ethereum we sold and you happily took the five ethereum so i think you would happily take a blue check mark if it came your way i guess we'll find out well if you win it's a big f that's a big okay back to follow not gonna lie all right well if you would please answer these questions and try to stay on point if you could as well step up step up to your mark please first questions coming to you we have one minute on the clock back there we got a okay why don't two wrongs make a right dan you have one minute why don't two wrongs make a right that's a good question because as everybody knows uh in mathematics uh when you multiply two negatives it actually converts into a positive um but we're not talking about that we're talking about morality here and we're talking support i'm saying that it doesn't translate no it does not translate at all um it's not really even relevant to the question that was posed it just kind of was the first place that my mind went and i mean there's a you could you could see how there's a parallel there negative the word negative sort of you know implies a wrong and then a right you could please answer a positive number um why don't two wrongs make a right 10 seconds um that went fast um that went way faster than ian yeah uh um i i guess i don't have an answer okay we have our first ever i'm out i do not know all right dan how do you think that went for you though it was okay yeah yeah i feel like going with the mathematics but then it kind of just took you in the wrong direction yeah i mean you you push back on it a little bit and i i folded immediately right yes that's true that is what happens i have nothing i have nothing after that well i'll say compared to ian's you sounding pretty smart okay thank you no i like people with peace of mind all right you ready for your next question i am i'm ready all righty dan you have one minute when i'm done completing the question what comes first the chicken or the egg and why go ahead um it's an age-old question it's one that's been asked many times of many people far smarter than i however they've never given the correct answer the correct answer is that the um the egg came first all right would you like to support that know how much time i got left uh you got 45 seconds so can i bank that for the next question or something absolutely not oh and why and why was it crucial second part listen because in evolution you know uh these things happen in uh over long long stretches of time and when the first you know mutation into something that could be qualified as a chicken occurred that being was born in an egg therefore the egg was laid and then out hatched some sort of mutated creature that we now call a chicken so clearly the eggplant is obvious i mean if you really just think about it for even two seconds it's not even a difficult question egg fantastic amount of time and time yeah fantastic so i nailed that one i think he did pretty good i mean uh passionate um well conveyed thank you well dan thanks for uh your answers i appreciate that and um and uh i wish you all the best in the competition is there any final remark for the voters out there yeah don't don't vote for me alrighty do not vote for me there you heard it from dan himself thank you thank you i'm serious thank you i feel like he's doing a little bit of a reverse psychology there dan is secretly hoping to win up next we've got zachary zach the sound lad he's coming up next the sound by master of destruction and despair the shredder the cameo king zach oh thank you very much that was a very kind introduction we are absolutely oh very gentlemanly today unlike the others demeanors you actually care about this contest zach i have some questions for you are you feeling confident today very yes feeling good and how are you feeling about the competition are you feeling about your competitors um i love these guys you do i really do so you know it's all good fun what we're doing spoken like a real mr verified big man i'm going to toss you some questions you have one minute to answer each question step up to your uh plate there please um one minute on the clock are we ready zach yes where does the future go once we've experienced it one minute this is a very um very deep question because i feel like it's definitely open for interpretation the future goes i believe in your heart you know you have fond memories and um you know you have a lot of love in your life so it goes to the heart you know you experience things past present future whatever it may be i don't think we should call it the future i think we should call it the everything the theory of everything interesting so i think it goes to your heart your soul thus the future ascending into your own being making you more than just a person more than just a human and everything we are all everything aren't we we're all everything one is one two is two three might even be four but i just wanna say that ethan we're all everything and that's where the future goes you got five seconds just wanna say that i'm done five seconds i'm done thank you thank you for that question well you know what i'll say a very um cerebral response uh thank you thank you thank you very much thank you thank you you know you had me very much in the beginning you kind of went off track a little bit at the end last month okay but i appreciate the f oh laughter that's not appropriate i mean at least he answered the question dan all right very good i like where this is going thank you how do you feel about that answer i uh it was from the heart it was from the heart everything is everything one is one you said maybe three is four do you want to unpack that well i feel like we live in a society where things could change you know things that are are uh we live in a society you live in a society interesting and you are joker brand right yes okay interesting all right very good all right next question one minute zack you know the rules why do bad things happen to good people one minute why do bad things happen to good people i feel like this is another similar question as like the one before where it's left open for interpretation maybe i'm just stating the obvious but i feel like the universe has to level out in a way you know i've lost the you know a lot of people i've looked up to this year and yeah they were good people but like sinatra said that's life you know that's that's life that's frank sinatra let's debate that after the uh times expired it's frank sinatra that's life and you know what dan i'm doing this my way so thank you very much there you go very good so i do things happen to good people i like i i like i said i feel like the universe has to level out in a way level out the playing field interesting you know we're all human we're all here for uh a short amount of time so people put good in the world and you know unfortunately they have to pass away but that's that it's not like thanos thank you very much kind of an interesting equality of outcome uh answer there things must even out and that's why good bad things happen to good people and that's life interesting if you were god and you controlled would you make bad things happen to good people in the effort of evening things i don't know if i can answer that question because i feel like it'd be hard to be in god's shoes and make those decisions interesting well um you are god what if god was one of us dan asks have isn't a place on earth dan all right zach very very pensive and serious here during this segment which i like um that was your second question so with that i want to thank you for your thoughtful serious approach to this contest on some of these other hacks thank you very much for having me you look sharp the pants are looking a little tight and a little short but we love that for you i'm a big man what can i say absolutely the biggest big man big heart zach the sound thank you very much thank you very much all right up next the simp the sergeant of symptoms the heartthrob the man whose name is the first two letters of the alphabet a b thank you thank you applause thank you um what is going so you want to just uh talk about your decision to tape your hands green well last time the comments made fun of my hands for shaking because i have a tremor so i had to step up to the so this time i have no hands so so you're hiding so you want to put your hand up let's see if we can see you're like uncle jack dude from it's always sunny i'm yeah i don't watch the show but i trust zach i'm uncle jack all right interesting approach just hide what you can't uh what you're embarrassed by exactly good lesson for the people why is dan can you uh proceed please all right leave him alone come on step stay on the marker please uh thank you so much i'm gonna have to deduct points if you stray too far sorry apologizing how you feeling how are you i'm feeling good yeah you feel i feel confident i feel very confident with my hands missing i'm good okay no fear today baby fantastic all right you know the rules we've got two questions one minute for each please be serious and stay on topic we love that one minute on the clock first question if man developed from monkeys why are there still monkeys well being that i was a bio major in college i would say it's because of ketogenesis which is a point in time in which one species diverges into two others or more so right the answer right so okay which means that we share a common ancestor but uh we're different species why are there still monkeys ab because joe rogan needs something as a shtick for his uh thumbnails why are there still monkeys amy because aladdin couldn't do it alone and he needed a boot abey could you just tell me why is there both monkeys and human beings on the earth at one time 27 that's a contradiction the same reason that you're still on the earth and there's still other animals different species why are there still monkeys baby i explain more to you after if you'd like well seems like you still have some time so go ahead and that's done all right well a very scientific factual explanation from young a b we love that so you're telling me here today and the world at large that the monkey and the human can exist together at the same time in harmony blasphemy you're gonna burn in hell for eternity for that [ __ ] it's okay my grandma told me i'm going there [Music] maybe she's a i mean i don't want to be rude but maybe she's one of the spiteful monkeys that uh that didn't revolve all the way she's my grandma's dead bro that doesn't change her she's for what she was okay about memories what happens with memories stays in the heart right well piece of love to your grandma i was just trying to make it yeah yeah your grandma was probably good yeah she was great shout out oh you're home all right how was your how did you feel about that answer how you feeling i felt confident in the beginning and as time went on a little less confident and then towards the end a little bit sad sad why sad my grandma oh absolutely i'm totally kidding my goodness i'm kidding turn it on me now i feel like uh dave i feel like uh steve harvey mixing up the envelopes here my grandma's alive and well she's good i'm just [ __ ] around oh she's still alive she's good shame on you you i cannot believe you used her death for a punchline shame on you shame on me incredible amazing all right here's your last question you have one minute you know the rules okay this is the last question of the evening imagine you're standing beside [ __ ] tracks in the distance you spot a runway trolley hurling down the tracks toward five workers who cannot hear it coming even if they do spot it they won't be able to move out of the way in time as this disaster looms you glance down and see a lever connected to the tracks you realize that if you pull the lever the tram will be diverted down a second set of tracks away from the five unsuspected workers however down this side track is one lone worker just as oblivious as his colleagues so would you pull the lever leading to one death but saving five that is a long question okay so if i can you say the last two lines is this deducted from my time 50 seconds okay so if i hit the lever it's gonna hit one person rather than four you will intervene but in the act murder one but you can let nature run its course and let five die who's the one person your grandma i well um being that i didn't get the complete question and i love my grandma i'll save my grandma you're willing to kill five men to save your grandmother's kill fifty you just killed for a joke i'd kill 100 seconds ago yes 10 seconds unless you were one of those four then it would be a tough decision wow sam i believe you actually and that's time i i i actually believe you if you if you if my if you if there was a train coming you pulled a lever you had to decide nana or ethan who do you save who do you kill i mean be honest granny don't pay the bills you know hell no she don't not like daddy ethan sorry say it say it i'd no no say i'll kill my grandmother you know you have to say i would kill my grandmother i will kill [ __ ] you dan how about that sound like that we won't we won't we won't for it we don't want we don't want nana getting that sound bite all right guys well well done everybody thank you a b thank you thank you guys next up we have a a category that cannot be understated it's important it's hip it's uh it's everything fashion the guys are coming out in their hottest outfits that they're wearing when they're not at work and we're gonna be judging them based on that so stay tuned if you would please welcome everybody to the outfit category of mr verified the most mac daddy the slickest outfit for picking up the honeys or just cruising on a nice sunday day on the beach whatever it is your coolest outfit now i'm very interested see these guys pulled together because i'll be honest a bunch of hooligans back here i'm curious how they how they clean up so our first contestant here is of course ian the salaried employee uh everybody put your hands together for ian looking pretty good got some open heel sandals red pants of course a starbucks coffee that's part of your outfit ian is a starbucks [Music] what's that say born again dio christian dior oh he's dripping ladies and gentlemen what brand is the uh shirt there is that a brand [Music] do i talk yeah it's uh usually it's just the mics in your in your face yeah it's brands trying to tell market the shirt is oh nice okay little streetwear for you wait there's there's a uh a second phase here what is this walking in the frame it's a homeless beggar need some cash please help ian is not interested uh uh wait he has an idea he has an idea gave himself a dollar for the photo for the instagram ladies and gentlemen that is how it's done yes yes get a value out of every dollar oh he takes it back brutal brutal okay another transformation here we go oh it's the influencer wings he can take it with him anywhere wow that is stunning usually you have to go to the wings while with ian the wings come to you unbelievable folks very strong showing can we get a full look here with the wings and everything wow wow wow pray to your one true god mr verified well done well done very impressive first entry from ian the influencer and i assume you're doing a little bit of an audition for what you would be like as mr verified as a verified influencer on instagram so a little bit of a sneak peek of what you can expect from our first annual mr verified fantastic wow wow wow wow okay well coming up next we've got dan very exciting so let's go ahead and get that set up dan come on over all right everybody put your hands together for our second candidate and fashion spicy hot outfits it's dan the producer coming out in what's unfortunately the same color as our green screen behind us keyed out completely as a mountain dew best ladies and gentlemen you dressed in mountain dew gear on your saturdays dan is saying yes oh what's behind more mountain dew gear ladies and gentlemen what is going on with all this mountain dew gear dam well you were giving me this platform uh on the show so i decided to get a sponsor are you sponsored by mountain dew all righty we have conflicting uh did anyone clear that did anyone clear the you got it you're supposed to click i texted you about it you can't bring your own sponsors [Applause] yeah because you're on my show you're using my platform let me have this all right dan in the mountain dew um lots of mountain dew keyed out uh once you take off your glasses let's get a look at that face okay more glasses you are inside but if you're on the beach or something it can get pretty sunny double wrapped he says okay you want to get a shot of his shoes let's see we got we got the sandals slide-ons with some socks you know how it is it's comfort it's utility it's everything you love and more damn alrighty anything else all right go ahead thank you dan wow what is showing here a little bit confused bringing on his own sponsors that's a little bit of a faux pas in my opinion but uh we'll talk about that after the show mountain dew i can't even get mountain dew how'd you get mountain dew okay i want some mountain dew money all right coming up next is zachary young zach the sound lad coming in with a hot hot entry some say he's the heartthrob some used to say he's a heartthrob whatever his star heartthrob status is you know who he is he's zach the sound lab the legend here rocking it bringing you the hottest look zach cowboy boots always jeans uh what shirt you got i'm very you got you got a lot of buttons down there buddy some may say one button too low some may say one button too high let the other button down let's see what let's see how low it goes you're not comfortable with that one okay okay fair enough he said no to the button request show off your jack there jacket led zeppelin okay oh giving himself a little spank he's too sexy gotta kiss himself all right that is zaf i'll say in zack's defense here or in his favor he's actually take i feel like you actually cruise around in that outfit unlike these other clowns and and the boots as well the get shot of those boots again those boots are pretty wild i'm not even gonna lie it's pretty wild but we love it we love the gin the ingenuity and the man is being himself so that is zach everybody on fashion give it up round of applause round of applause oh these boots weren't made for walking and he sure isn't walking off stage as the cue i've given him there he goes zach thank you thank you all right an exciting competition we've got one more contestant you guys know a b is coming out all right guys finally we are here with a b commonly known dethroning zach as the heartthrob and unfortunately i would say those scars have not yet healed but today they continue to do battle a b come center stage and let's see this outfit okay okay okay a little marty mcfly a little uh you know hip casual oh my god it's the cosby doll stitched to his back what is this look this is high fashion this is shocking this is the evolution of streetwear let's give us a spin let's get a look at that thing damn you better wear that thing out on i swear to god i want to see your ass cruising down hollywood boulevard with that on i need it i need a video of it are you are you committed to doing that yes whatever you want and i want i feel like if i win i feel like there's no way oh he's maybe souling the jury pool a little bit but i feel like there's no way you don't get a reaction walking around that thing i mean that is wild are you is this a marty mcfly inspired outfit or just he says no alrighty cosby doll okay wow made me uncomfortable all right well thank you guys this is the fashion uh segment hope you guys all enjoyed i hope you all were impressed by these fine young specimens and so we will be moving on to our final portion up next which of course talent some people say this is what decides the competition we'll find out stay tuned all right guys our final and some would say most important category the talent uh first up we have young ian that salary employee here with a nice little setup i am not going to waste too much time in i will let you uh why don't you introduce it and tell us a little bit about what you're planning here okay so uh since this is a quest to be verified and really like the ultimate symbol of me like fully selling out i've got a array of uh stereotypical instagram products here and i'm going to try and sell them as fast as i can within 90 seconds so we're gonna do a bunch of three ads 90 seconds really earn that check so see how many i can like can clear alrighty dan let's get 90 seconds on the clock and uh whenever you're ready ian begin all right save when right then all right three two one go hey guys uh kim kardashian sent me this skim box i'm really excited to unbox it with you guys let's see what she sent today oh it's so earthy oh it's so oh my god look it's so like boring okay bang energy we love bang energy if you need a boost potent brain and body fuel birthday kick bash with creatine dang energy chug it finish it all if you want that bang energy bucks pretty good swift [Applause] flat tummy tea this is like a laxative when you guys got a [ __ ] and you don't know how flat tummy teeth wait for real what wait it's a laxative teeth alpha brain memory in focus what turns up being a monkey guys slam that [ __ ] oh [ __ ] are those is that mixture approved you want to take down your local favorite youtube child predator i hit sugar bear hair product competition james charles all right that's a beautiful second shave's body scrub looking fresh but all right this is fanny beauty i don't know what fetty beauty uh kylie cosmetics we hit some of this oh man i'm looking so correct just like kylie this is what kylie always wanted booty amazing now did you finish all the products you had intended i don't know what what did the judge say did i add it seems like you hit everything what is this one booty another laxative this is a laxative yeah and then and then what was it okay go ahead and then okay yeah take go ahead enjoy it enjoy it ian who just had like fatal diarrhea going for the laxatives ladies and gentlemen you've got a little bit of a castaway vibe going on here okay so what was that laxative uh powder you were eating that's so this this is a flat tummy tea it really just makes you [ __ ] yeah well it makes your tummy flap by like shooting it all out okay we love that i want some flat tummy yeah i'm working on my flat tummy right now well ian i gotta say i'm very impressed how you feeling are you feeling confident are you happy with your performance good yeah you have a mic but no it's good it's like the chipotle nightmare is probably going to hit me again yeah okay fantastic all right yeah i i do wonder if we thank you um dan can you call up poison uh control because i'm just a little bit concerned about yeah i already i already had them on standby i'll let them know because alpha brain and bank energy may be a fatal combination sugar bear i didn't know these were in the budget aren't these pricey you're pricey right hmm oh they're vegan wow sister snapped sorry tata i'm loving these sugar bear vitamins all right ian fantastic job that was a lot of fun up next you know him you love him it's damn up next on the talent feet we have dan the wizard who i'm sure is going to be delivering for us some wizardry today there was a view today actually alrighty i'll be delivering a speak okay and something tells me this is going to be somewhat of an anti-talent am i right well what are you trying to say you know exactly what i'm saying you're trying to throw i know you're trying to throw it but okay all right guys with further without further ado damn thank you thank you ladies and gentlemen there's a specter haunting the internet the specter of [ __ ] posting all the powers of silicon valley have entered into an unholy alliance to exercise this specter zuckerberg and dorsey bezos and mods who's with reporters susan oh oginski whatever where is the poster in opposition that has not been decried as a troll by their opponents in power where is the opposition that has not been hurled back the branding reproach of troll against the more advanced blue check marks two things have resulted from this fact [ __ ] posting is already acknowledged by the entire tech industry and powers that be itself a power yo it is high time that [ __ ] posters should openly in the face of the whole world post their views their trolls their low brow humor and meet this nursery tale of the specter of ship posting with a manifesto of [ __ ] posting itself and to that end my dear viewers i implore you cast not your vote for me for it would be wasted should by some unfortunate circumstance the blue check mark fall upon my account you have my word that i will do everything in my power to anger the mods enough that they revoke such a vile brand seared upon my flesh that is my promise nay my oath that i take before all of you today to this end i reject the false premise that one's value and agency on the internet may be bequeathed by a silicon valley employee like some sort of lordly king of old no we have long since past movement the need for kings and in that same sense we must accept that if we have long moved past the need for such false merits bestowed by some blue checky i call upon all verified unverified posters of the world rise up rise up and cast down the blue checkies what did i do from their delicate glass thrones thank you good night [Music] and good luck wow riveting with even a eat the rich moment at the end there pointing me out i mean what the hell did i do to deserve that wow who could have who could have possibly guessed that we would be delivered an anti-speech from dan who's both rejecting but also kind of begging for votes so your pledge is that if you win the verified checky you will be on a quest to to lose it as soon as post on a post on on my instagram you can post okay you're yeah you'll possibly you'll post a dick is that your plan day one okay interesting interesting okay i mean that's a pretty good selling point i will definitely lose that that's a good selling proposition dan speechless so what was your skill exactly or oration your speaker okay all right not bad go ahead thank you damn yeah that was riveting powerful a little bit of a working-class moment eat the rich eh tell me how you really feel about me all right well how you feeling you want to come out and kind of debrief a little bit how how do you feel about how your speech went it kind of undercuts the whole like mic drop moment if i come back well you know that's that's the idea was like walk off exactly but here i am yeah you're back yeah so how do you feel uh i mean i wish i could have memorized it but i i wrote it that's a lot of minutes before we started uh recording today so yeah that's a lot to memorize that's okay but you feeling good you felt like it was delivered well you're feeling confident that people are gonna vote there's always room for an improvement well man no i'm not confident that people are gonna vote for me don't vote for me all right thank you dan thank you dan the wizard everybody fantastic showing his talents of oration [Applause] well up next we've got um i believe zach young zach let me guess we're gonna be having an old guitar woo am i right yes sir all right let's bring out zach let's get him ready all righty up next we have young zach the shredder he's got his guitar out here he's looking slick how you feeling good feeling very good what's this guitar you got is this a special guitar a special guitar this is an eddie van halen wolfgang model god rest his soul uh it's in mystic purple and his name is panama oh this is panama like the canal okay there you go uh i think the canal is uh you know come on dan make us all look better here shout out to ian who's actually having a nice puke after chugging a ton of laxatives yeah i'm impressed but um is he back oh there you are how you feeling dan you want to chime in not at the moment oh my god the audio is blasted out are you regretting your decision to or are you happy talk to me um you know anything to sell out i'll do it how's your stomach feel uh it's not great not great not great a rough day for me in ian rough week specifically for ian you have any well wishes for ian your competitor that was some legend [ __ ] dude so i just i tip my hat to you man you know you know the the one thing that would probably make me feel way better would be a slamming song from zach wow all right well you heard it here you got a shout out from the man on death's bet on the death bed here he's got one request left a shred from zach so with that being said take it away zack ah [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Music] right [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] hmm [Music] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] um [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] uh [Music] [Applause] [Music] [Applause] [Music] wow [Applause] wow wow zach you said that's a van halen guitar but i i think you actually dug up his grave and did some spells with his corpse there what do you think i appreciate that he's one of my uh idols did you desecrate his grave no no okay just making sure wow wow wow so tell me about what you just performed was that all improvised was that a planned set is that your original song tell me about it it's an original song it's called i feel you um majority was improvised played a little melody um yeah it's original i feel you well i feel you i'm feeling you wow wow wow put your hands together how you feeling how'd that go still on top of the world right now wow wow zacky who knew exactly well we all knew zach could shred did you all know fantastic well very nice very very nice hey come on of course zach thank you this was all this whole thing by the way was just a giant uh roo basically this was your idea right this segment this was all just all this was it we all you know how like you throw a whole party just so like you get the one girl you like to come over to your house but you don't care about the party that was like this for this whole competition right i wouldn't put it that way i feel like this kind of transpired into a loving fun right right that's true just a little comedy by yours truly all right thank you zach fantastic great work wow the man can shred what can you say how long you been playing guitar since i've been four years old since four wow who taught you to play for so i took a few lessons had a few cool guitar teachers but majority was self-taught fascinating you you learn like scales and all that stuff you've studied the arts scales and you learn the majority of the stuff being on playing shows and kind of when things go wrong that's when you have to adapt and you know figure out how different things work just like life itself hey [ __ ] people hey everybody you ever smashed a guitar no let's do it right here right now oh okay all right no good how much that guitar set you back about two two g's um come on let's smash it all right thank you zack take about what a guy what a performance the legendary zack the sound lad well i believe we have uh one final contestant is that right a b coming at you this is your [ __ ] this is your last chance ladies and gentlemen we'll be right back with a b finally we have a b the magician today with a little bit of a surprise here first what have you got here uh for us today ab well i'm not as talented as zach but i do have something here that i want to show to everyone the audience took a story in my past that was very cringy and today i want to turn that around what i have here today wow the cursed bongos set for those of you that may have missed the story uh a b told of well why don't you give us a reader's digest real quick for the people that missed it really quick uh yeah so one time when i was younger i got really high a girl came over and right when she was outside she texted me and said listen we're just friends don't try anything i'm a respectful king i didn't try anything so i all i had to do at the house because i had no cable was play the game donkey kong or donkey kong jungle beat and uh had a very awkward interaction and in this game you play you clap for some reason i was really high i clap and i look at the girl she was staring at me and it was a [ __ ] nightmare but today so so hold on let's not lost over that too much you would hit the drum right and then you would look and stare at her well you you have to clap so i play clap i look at her and i saw her like kind of staring me down and you kept playing i'm nervous and i start playing a little harder and yeah and then what did she say to you when she left she said you're such a little [ __ ] right it's haunted me i'm still still decrypting that uh still living those words echo in the mind yes this is for the uh foot soldiers i know they really want okay they wanted to see so so um without further ado donkey kong jungle beats a b [Music] [Applause] [Music] so [Music] [Music] thank you [Music] foreign [Music] you're such a little [ __ ] [Music] [Applause] thank you thank you incredible how are you excuse me thank you olivia uh a.b how are you feeling sit on the couch with him oh let's have a let's have a chat here like a little debrief there reliving some uh traumatic memories there you want to talk about it well i i don't know why just in this moment i just thought about if the girl watches this episode and i really hope she doesn't but what are you afraid of if she does see it i i cause like now it's became a meme and like a happy memory thanks to the soldiers but if she contacts me in any way i'm afraid i bad memories are going to take over again interesting so you you want to hold on to the purity of that memory well i assure you if she was going to see it she already she already did right and and and how was it so can you tell me what is the talent that you're exhibiting here today uh tenacity and what and how is that because i keep moving forward you keep moving forward moving forward through adversity through sunshine and rain and cringe this this was a really harrowing moment in your life and you've moved past it you've overcome it i've overcome it yes thanks to uh thanks to you thanks everybody here thanks everyone in the audience thank you all so so overcoming is the talent exhibited here today for maybe can you show me i wanna i'm actually just curious about how this game works yeah so while we were just shooting that when she was looking at like when olivia was looking at me right now who believe he's a sweetheart i was fine with the whole idea but honestly when she was looking at me i started freaking out like i did back then and if you'll notice i'm sure someone can rewatch the gameplay i immediately started [ __ ] up in the game so um yeah i just want to point it out you want to do it can i pretend to be the girl let's kick it up a notch here maybe go ahead let's just let's go ahead let's relive it okay so what is the clapping they can censor clapping there's a little speaker on it [Music] there's a little speaker on it can sense what i'm clapping and the clap is usually to get over like an obstacle or to punch an enemy okay so interesting so we we drum to move yep and two drums to jump two uh both to jump so like right there and then see the enemies as with a little clap i can see why this didn't really catch on yeah um it's very awkward for like first time a girl comes over uh but besides that it's a lot of fun it's a lot of fun it reminds me when those hardcore gamers may play like dark souls with like uh a bowl of spaghetti or whatever crazy stuff they dream of yes all right so play and then look over to me as i judge you okay [Music] very uncomfortable when he's when he stares at me for sure and in this moment i wonder what was it you were expecting of her when you when you looked over at her what was it you're expecting like i was just in survival mode i just wanted it to end why did you keep looking at her because i don't know when you're high you like like stuff triggers you to remember i don't know like sounds i don't know i wouldn't realize i would be in the game i had to play it give me some more looks because it is okay so i'd be immersed and yeah when i slept i'm like checking on her in like five minutes okay oh [ __ ] [ __ ] my life why hasn't she left here why hasn't she played right did you ask if she wanted to play yes and what did she say she said i don't play normal video games why would i want to play this that's a pretty good answer yeah this is some wild [ __ ] which if you think about it was her being like why like let's move on let's not play this game anymore yeah but i mean i didn't have a lot of stuff at my place at the time and i mean i didn't there's not a lot to do there's no cable there's no food in the fridge i don't think i think there's there was nothing there's nothing right lebanese sandwiches and dk fantastic well you really have overcome a lot haven't you wow thank you a b for sharing what a what a journey he's been through i mean really wow rock bottom yep don't play i do actually but i don't know if now is the time probably not yeah okay well guys let's let's go back to the table and kind of summarize and then we will take a vote on who is going to be our 2021 mr verified thank you thank you okay guys i hope you enjoyed the first ever mr verified i had a lot of fun thank you to our contestants they really put themselves out there gave it their best except for dan of course who's been trying to throw it but uh he also wants to win let's be very clear about that nope untrue false enactment we'll see we'll see regardless um to cast your vote it's going to be linked in the description below so you'll be able to click cast your vote there the votes will be entirely anonymous nobody will have access to that none of us and we will reveal the winner on friday during after dark where you guys will also be able to cast your votes there before we um before we announce the winner but boy this is this is exciting i have to say and there's so much on the line too i mean i can't guarantee that you're gonna get verified obviously but i can write an email i can do that you know i can do that i can write an email so a lot riding um and uh yeah so tune in on for friday for the epic conclusion to that so i is the deal uh just one platform or like you know if like a b for example has a twitter account will you do his instagram and his twitter yeah great question yes i will write email to every social media partner i have i have one for twitter hey twitter world this is one for instagram and i i think i even have one for tick tock which i know may interest you most of all maybe no i am going out there to make one of you mr bear if bye yes yes what about myspace what can you do for me i don't have connections at myspace unfortunately i'm back to being on facebook you got a facebook connect facebook has blue balled me ever since i made all those videos [ __ ] on soflo since soflo yeah they've been blueballing me ever since you know they've been they were defensive of soflow yeah because i was calling them out for really shady go practice like monetizing software who's literally just uploading people's videos and you know they allowed soflow if you guys remember that whole debacle he we made up this soflo antonio or or yeah so flow bro so flow broke yeah and they allowed soflo someone at facebook granted his request to take all of the members out of that group augment it to his own group and shut it down wow that's one of the craziest things i've ever seen a social media platform pull off you know why i remembered the name of that facebook page why is that because i believe that was the first h3h3 productions video that i ever saw oh nice how was it i think that was a good video it made me a fan thank you so much yeah we went all out for the soul flow bro i remember shooting all those videos lots of editing great one well thank you dan and look it's brought us together in the end yeah who would have thought it would have done i was watching on my laptop in 2015 or whatever the [ __ ] that was thank you thank you simp well okay all right i'm just retelling history here you of all people beta spade huh sam s-i-m-p well that's our show for the day i hope you guys enjoyed and uh make sure to tune in on friday who's gonna win it hopefully ethan won't have diarrhea anymore that is real by the way those were not jokes ethan this episode took like 14 hours to shoot even though it's shorter than normal because we've been stopping every 10 minutes for ethan to go to the bathroom yeah i'm sorry guy and and honestly thank you guys for sticking it out because it's 7 p.m right now and uh actually we're not even done yet but um thank you guys for sticking it out because you know i was at this crossroad around four o'clock and you know because we were gonna have to come back tomorrow and i was thinking like if i'm really sick i don't think i might even be able to come in tomorrow yep so thank you guys for sticking it out today i appreciate that you got it happy to be here thank you thank you i have some footage of you suffering maybe we could just overlay real quick yeah we put a camera in the bathroom yeah a dramatic day and combined with ian puking several times there's a lot of bottoms how are you feeling ian are you feeling any better i'm uh um i'm a shell of my former self how do you feel for real i'm curious it's not great not great you feel nauseous still what year is this okay all right all right that man is dedicated take that into consideration when when casting your vote the man has dedicated that's true and i wish you the best i haven't [ __ ] or pissed anything for the show ever ian over here puking his brains out yeah he he his bodily fluids are are spilled regularly true for this show all right guys well thank you so much for watching hope you had as much fun as we had filming it we'll see you on friday you

Channel: H3 Podcast

Views: 1,028,876

Keywords: h3 podcast, h3h3 podcast, the h3 podcast, the h3h3 podcast, h3h3productions, h3h3, h3, ethan klein, hila klein, ethan and hila, ethan & hila, off the rails, mr verified

Id: btR1WbNWzKc

Length: 110min 57sec (6657 seconds)

Published: Thu Aug 26 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

I'm proud of Ian for really giving this his all. It takes guts to eat raw flat tummy tea not as a tea but just straight up chewing it.

[u/Avent]

That Keemstar video was incredible. It's palpable how uncomfortable everyone was around him

[u/ChitRideOrDie]

The bongos killed me especially when the girl walked out and sat down, I love AB.

[u/Bladeteacher]

Ian is boss, he is my guy. Give him the checkmark couse gravity

Edit:just saw the winner, gravity always wins

[u/Adhlc]

This is such a good episode, easily one of my absolute favorites. Everyone involved was so on-point and seemed to be having a lot of fun.

[u/Rave-light]

So hard to decide. Ian for being hilarious or Dan to spite him?

[u/AxiomQ]

I want Ethan to do every episode with a crown please.

[u/otherwisesaints]

I am actually crying at AB acting out The Bongo Incident™️.

[u/Groovy_Doggo]

I don't know if it's the color but the jacket looks really good on Ethan.