If Grocery Store Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads

hungry of course you are if not now then in a bit that's why you'll soon find yourself browsing my warehouse of acceptable sustenance foods the one thing that everyone has to buy over and over every week till they're dead and since eating habits don't change quickly and a given area's population is fairly stable we have a pretty good idea how much food we're gonna sell every week so we stopped twice that to confuse your brain about how much food exists and trick you into buying too much part of the way we measure success is by how many brightly colored bags of calories we throw away if our waste is too low then we simply trucked several fowls and tons of nourishment boxes across thousands of miles so we can display it on our shelf for a couple of weeks then take it off that shelf and throw it in the dumpster then we lock that dumpster shut to make sure nobody gets our trash without paying for it we want to make sure we have all the stuff you didn't know you wanted that's why we let companies by specific shelf space for their brightly colored calorie bags see you didn't even know you wanted these but now do you ever ever notice that every sustenance warehouse you've ever been to has fresh fruit and vegetables to the right of the entrance we do that because we know you can't help but shop in a counterclockwise circle and fresh fruit and vegetables give you a good feeling about yourself and the rest of your more unhealthy purchases by the way this is just in America in the UK Australia Japan people shop clockwise nobody knows why communism anyway go ahead and grab a bag of sweet and succulent tree fetuses they're just gonna rot on your counter anyway so you feel like you've earned that ground corn and salt and a bright red bag because the color red makes you hungry those soon to be rotten tree fetuses make you feel it is morally correct for you to give me money for it oh I would put those tomatoes into a plastic bag because that metal food cage you're pushing around is packed with poop human poop human pooped from every toddler who's been in that store for the past forever because nobody washes the food cages nobody ever washes the poop off the food cages too busy keeping your hands clean sir so come on down to the sustenance warehouse and buy some ocean meat that has a 66% chance of being the kind of fish it says it is or some fruit that's been dyed to look more appetizing at the expense of its natural flavor or some cow flesh that will will be good for another week and a half you see sometimes when these numbers no longer correspond with a date in the future I just cover them up with numbers that do correspond with a date in the future even though I have more food than I know what to do with and even though I'm expected to throw it away these rules both make no sense and might be poisoning you but unless you convince yourself to join a community garden which you won't I'm your only option and remember no matter which warehouse of basically acceptable sustenance you visit we're all exactly the same shop from us or starve to death hey you like stand-up come see the crack stand-up show at sampling March 23rd at meltdown comics in Los Angeles if you want to see amazing stand-up comedians including our own Tom Ryman go to nerd pal telecom slash tickets and if you want to see me without a shirt on you're a rude

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,680,194

Rating: 4.9323816 out of 5

Keywords: Honest Ads, Honest Commercials, Honest Trailers, honest, Grocery Stores, Grocery Store Commercials, reacts, parody, Kroger, Raplhs, sketch, comedy, If commercials were honest, Commercials were honest, hilarious, humor, comercials, commercial parody, trader joes, whole foods, spoof, cracked, cracked after hours, ads

Id: 0k7hnjKxI3U

Length: 4min 9sec (249 seconds)

Published: Fri Mar 17 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/portland_speedball]

Honest Ads are fucking hilarious.

"I'm Roger"

[u/ragingcutekoalas]

I miss Cracked on youtube

[u/lundi16]

This should have more upvotes

[u/mccreafish]

It’s true, here in Sweden we do shop in a clockwise circle!