If Milk Commercials Were Honest - Honest Ads

If you want to grow up big and strong then buy my mammal utter juice products They won't actually make you big and strong But we've been literally saying they'll make your bones stronger for years and no one's questioned it Yes in its runny liquid form this liquid Cow teat spray pairs perfectly with Everything from your high fructose flakes of corn to your sugary disks of fat, or just by itself Mmm So fresh you can still taste the animal milk sack that we squeeze this out of ,yes This nutrient-Rich ooze was meant for another mammal But will tell you it's good for you by showing you that one athlete you like so much and put on glue that looks like milk on her upper lip right, athlete? Do you have this product? oh, what a slogan, and all those sugary treats wouldn't taste good without my Solidified utter fat, that's right most baked items fried items are generally cooked items use slabs of the Fattiest part of the cow goo or sometimes you spread it on top of the baked things once they're done either way We make sure that you're always eating it or you can have our aged cow Titty goop depending on how long we let it get moldy changes what kind of fancy block of solid Pus it becomes and If we can't sell enough of it will sneak the excess into your food without you knowing it in fact We made it possible for us to sneak it into a ton of food with some fancy politics How do you think pizza companies made their crust taste better? It's all thanks to us That's right even if you don't think you're buying my goo. You're buying my goo But you're probably willingly buying my animal squishy glom because we crammed our utter goo agenda into your food Pyramid or plate or whatever nonsense picture you subscribe to to tell you how to eat? Healthy so you now think that you need this in your diet Once we've brainwashed you to add my gloopy animal squirts into your diet We've got you for good because these solidified, cow nipple drops are physically addictive That's right when we mold our cow breast milk into these solid blocks of melty mush, it creates Casomorphins which is an opiate more addictive than morphine Which is good for us because if you really knew how we treat the cows, whose utter drops. We steal you wouldn't buy it It's horrifying and unhygenic and full of hormones and drugs and literal pus and animal abuse or maybe you do know all this, but you're too addicted to my solidified blocks of fresh-squeezed mammal to care If it makes you feel better to pretend that the milk tastes better when the cows are happier We'll show you a bunch of cows in a field, but that's unrelated to our actual process so drink and eat my creamy goo that's shot out of a larger animal stomach because look it melts which is somehow an appealing thing for eating that's Right numb it up. I'm Roger by the way But you can call me the Milkman Thanks for watching if you want to subscribe hit the big C in the middle and if you want to watch more videos like Honest ads hit one of the boxes to the right be sure to hit the Notification bell below so YouTube will notify you when we have a new video See you next time

Channel: Cracked

Views: 1,541,313

Rating: 4.8271079 out of 5

Keywords: milk, honest ads, honest commercials, commercial parody, dairy, cheese, lactose, milk commercials, dairy products, lactose intolerance, If Milk Commercials Were Honest, lactose intolerance symptoms, cracked, cracked.com, honest trailer, satire, parody, infotainment, nutrition, funny, spoof, got milk?

Id: FM95_k9onEc

Length: 3min 34sec (214 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 03 2017

Reddit Comments

[u/verygoodveg]

idk im semi drunk and just got home from some shitty club filled with shitty people and i feel like this guy is alright

[u/Jiggerson]

Only animal byproduct you should be eating is your partner's bodily genitalia juices. I can't fully claim myself as vegan bcuz I still eat ass.