How To Heal From a Breakup?

hey hey Tony Gaskins here popping in got a question the other day they said how to heal from a breakup now this is not something that you can take lightly this is not something that a seven minute video will solve so sit down get your pen and pad and really understand this because one of the biggest things that I see a lot of people in my line of work as a professional relationship coach one of the biggest things I see is a lot of people say hey I want to heal but then they don't really want to do the work and so you have that picture of the person sitting on the couch just eating potato chips and Oreos and just crying while watching sappy love movies and listening to sad love songs and just sitting there crying and that's never gonna get you where you need to go if you curl up in the fetal position and just lie in the bed crying you're gonna have to do the work you're gonna have to come to a place to where you are actively feeding your mind so understand this when you're healing from a breakup the first thing that you really have to understand is a soul time like you have to realize that you have a real emotional connection this is an emotional connection it's a spiritual connection and it may be a physical connection you have to realize that it's real it becomes almost like an addiction like a drug and a lot of times what we don't understand is that sometimes it's an addiction and not love a lot of times what you're feeling is you're calling love is being mislabeled and the reason why you're confusing it is because an addiction can feel like love and you have to understand that so you're missing that release you're missing some of the drama sometimes an argument can make you feel appreciated there are attention-seeking behaviors that we will show to get yelled at to get cursed at you I've met women who say look if he doesn't put hands on me he doesn't love me when I say put hands on me I mean put hands on me and they feel that that's love a lot of men will push every button they can to get their woman to yell and scream and curse because he feels like that is love and that's because those individuals grew up seeing toxic relationships and began to believe that that's what love is so you got to understand first that what you're feeling it's not necessarily love because it can be confused so once you realize that because this is also what you have to understand is with love if it's real love you you won't lose it if it's real love is gonna come back I mean it's gonna come back stronger if it's real love you don't go through break up to make up countless times three four five six seven eight times if it's real love that's not how love works see love is not something that induces pain and trauma think about that when you think about love if you have a child and you love your son or your daughter you love your child are you going to abandon them every six months and allow them to go through the angst and worry that comes with being abandoned being walked out on no you're not gonna do that unless you have some type of issue some type of addiction to something that's causing you to do it because that is stronger then your love for your child see what you have to realize is sometimes an addiction can be stronger than love so you may want to go back to a situation or a person may want to come back to you because of the addiction not the law so hey really sit and understand this and really evaluate first and ask yourself am I losing real love can real love be lost is this real love that I'm letting go of or is this toxicity is this pain is this a lack of self-love is this immaturity is this irresponsibility is this disrespect is this abuse that I'm letting go of what really am i letting go of am i letting go of an amazing time filled with faithful healthy love laughter communication am i letting go of something that just awakens me to my core and encourages me and inspires me to live my best life and my letting go of that really ask yourself what you're letting go of and that's gonna help you identify and understand if you are trying to get over love or if you're trying to actually tap into self love and self respect because that's one of the biggest mistakes that I see happen is a lot of times people look back at their relationship and equate a relationship to love a lot of people think a relationship or having history with a person or a long-term relationship is synonymous with love and that's not the case it can be but that's not always the case you can have history you can have chemistry you can have a long term relationship you can have mayor rich you can have children together you can have mutual friends you can have great relationships with one another's family and still not have real love and that is what has to be understood is that if it is falling apart if it fell apart then it wasn't real love that's not to say that in every case that real love can't be built in the future but you have to ask yourself is it even worth trying you have to ask yourself how many times have we tried if you only try once ok you may have another chance in you but if you tried multiple times the relationship has ran its course and you have to come to that understanding now once you come to that understanding the next thing you have to do look we already passed 7 minutes I told you you can't you can't fix this really really easy hold on let me let me close the window commercial break sometime a neighbor's be walking by although looking at him trying to see what's going down in here so the next thing you have to realize is when you're trying to heal from a breakup you are going to have to cut all ties you gonna have to cut all ties so the only time there's an exception to this is when you're dissolving a business which the business has to be dissolved or you're deciding who keeps the pet or you are having to sell a house or you happen to break a lease you're gonna have some extenuating circumstances that arise sometimes when you're healing from a breakup but understand this and then the biggest is when you have children together if you have none of those things together if you have nothing that's tying you then you have to cut all ties all ties if you have something that's tying you that may be a whole nother video you may need a one-on-one session you may need to visit me on my mentor die life and do a one-on-one session because you you're gonna need something a specific plan but understand this by cutting all ties what that means is you are not texting you're not talking on the phone you're not talking in email and you're unfriending unfollowing whatever it is on social media that's step one step two is you are getting distance from mutual friends and from their family members so what that means is you let these individuals know hey I love you care for you but I got a heel so please understand I'm gonna be off the map everything is going fine I'm gonna be okay but when I talked to you it makes me think about my ex him or her and that affects me and it causes me to have to start over what you have to understand is that your ex and it could be you but some people will use their friends or their family members to keep tabs on you so I know as being a former grown boy you know I'm very familiar with men's telling their sister or their mother or their male friend or female friend hey give her a call check on her call her a check on the the friend or the family man they really don't care for you they really don't care for you because they met you through your ex so they really don't care I know you may think y'all best friends and all of that that's all that was all for their family member that was all for your ex that the reason why their friends or their family became close to you please understand that I know you want to believe oh we're dumb just best friends with his sister oh my goodness I love his mom like my own she's like my second mother she calls me her daughter listen I know that's what you want to believe they do not care about you understand that it just not how humans are built it's not people turn their back on the blood I understand this whatever they family member want them to do that's what they're gonna do so or defective if your ex tells them to cut you off you'll be dropped like a bad habit so when they keep it in touch it's with the blessings of your ex and what your ex knows is that by you talking to their sister their brother their mother father grandmother aunt uncle best friend by you talking to them what your ex knows is that keeps you stuck it keeps you a test it strengthens the soul tie the emotional bond the emotional tie that you have to your ex it keeps it intact you can't sever it if you are in touch with their friends or family understand that Point Blank period there's no way to get around that so you gotta at least create distance and this distance depends on the depth of your relationship so if your relationship was three months you may only need distance for a month and after that it's not that you go back to being besties with their friends or family with your ex's friends or family but you may be able to be cordial but you know you're gonna have to sever ties realize love is a gamble and sometimes when you gamble you lose your shirt what I mean by that you lose everything so when you lose a relationship you lose everything that came with that relationship if you want to move on and have a new healthy fulfilling relationship no one in their right mind is going to be with someone who is still attached to their ex through something that is in their control see if you have children together that's out of your control having a pet or a business or a house or an apartment or a car together that's all in your control the only thing you cannot get rid of is your child that you have with your ex that's the only exception anything else anything else a new person is not gonna if they love and care for themselves and respect themselves they're not gonna want to get caught up in your little drama not at all so understand that you got to cut the ties on social media and on the phone and then you got to get distance from mutual friends and their family okay now here's the thing once you do those two steps if your ex if you say okay I'm not gonna text or call my ex but my ex is texting me my ex keeps emailing me then the next thing you have to do is you have to block you gotta block your ex if they continue to call and to email or email you gotta block then if they continue to do that from different numbers now they're calling from a new number somebody else number you have to change your number you got to change your number and you got to change your email address and you got to notify the people you want to keep in touch with of that guess what I know sometimes you're gonna say well everybody has my number I don't want to change my number just for my ex I've had this number since eighth grade okay so what you trying to heal or not you want to stay stuck or not change your number not that many people calling you anyways okay probably ten people calling you and it's another way for them to reach you if they really want to reach you since they're they know your mama they know your cousin they know your brother your sister your aunt your uncle they can reach you so here's the thing you got to change your number if they continue to reach out from other numbers after you've blocked their number if you block them on social media if they reach out on social media how to block them on social media they're gonna get fake accounts or gonna watch you from other people accounts but that doesn't matter because you don't know if you start getting messages from other accounts then you block those accounts okay now the same thing happens with friends and family if you tell their friends and family listen I need some distance or if you continue to talk to them cordially but when you talk to them they bring up your ex then you got to cut them off then you may have to block them if it continues to go on and when you get past all of that if they still up-and-up still coming not respecting your space not respecting your decision that's when you got to get the oral the restraining order that's when you got to go to that next step that's your last resort but that's what you're gonna have to do if they still coming at you still doing whatever it takes now see here's the thing here's the thing now this this this the caveats and nuances now in this is if they're if your ex is doing everything in their power to get back in touch with you and you know that you cut off the relationship for something small it wasn't like a big offense like cheating or abuse if it wasn't something huge and you cut it off for something smaller than those two big offenses then it could be that your ex is very very sincere about the mistake that they made and they want to make changes that's another video on what to do if you give your ex a second chance but again that's only if you left them for something other than cheating or love you okay so I'm said we're fast trying to throw the system off because it you really really like to say the word the monetized video or strike it or what happens so understand that so if it's something other than that that's not that now if it's some other than that that's equally as bad then you get it but if it's something other than that that's not on that level of those two things then and in your heart you left them made it look real but you were doing it to really send them a message to let them know that you're not with the games and that if they with the game they're gonna get left regardless of how many children y'all have y'all have a football team or four kids you gonna leave and so now they may be sincere now if you if the relationship this also another caveat here is if you left inside of 12 months so if you had to leave inside of 12 months to really send that message and in there doing everything that jumping hurdles jumping through fiery hoops to get your attention to get back with you then that could also be a sign that they are sincere now understand understand the first time you went to the casino to gamble you lost all your money in your pocket and maybe the money that's on your car that you got out the ATM the next time you go back you putting up your house and your clothes and all of your collateral so understand that when you go back it's double or nothing if you give your ex another chance and they're not serious and they just come in and get you back out of ego walking away that next time cut hurt twice as bad could do twice as much damage so be very very careful before you go back make sure that you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the love of your life and the only person that you're intended to be with do not go back out a weakness do not go back out of loneliness do not go back out of addiction over love instead of love do not go back for any other reason other than you know without a shadow of a doubt that this is the person of your dreams and they made an honest mistake and you can forgive them wholeheartedly and love them as if they've never hurt you before and start over fresh and brand-new with a clean slate unless you can do that then keep going about your business do not go back now after you have cut them off on the phone you cut them off on social media and email you've cut off their friends and their family now you have complete separation you have complete separation understand this in some cases because I get these questions we go to the same church or we work on the same job or we live in the same apartment complex guess what do I have to move hate to tell you I know you don't want to here it is it's not the end of the world okay getting a transfer on your job it's not the end of the world it's other is other jobs okay if you want to heal now if the relationship was under a year you don't have to do anything drastic like that you don't have to pick up and move but if it went longer than a year you got into two three four five years six years seven years you're trying to get over you're gonna have to make drastic adjustments the reason being is because the soul tire is so strong that emotional bond is so strong imagine this imagine somebody like to play what they knows okay when I say play what they know it's all about the candy I'm telling my dad tell my dad yeah okay the power okay man if somebody's like to play what they knows now let's say they trying to come off for that but let's say it's a house in the neighborhood that that's where they went to get a hit if they live right next door to that house how long you think they're gonna last and they sing the d man over there and he a got that for you got that 48 got that 48 let me know now how long you think that person gonna last if they lose a job if they lose a family member something happened that just put them in a bad mood they were walking right over there to the dope what house hey I just need to hear I've seen he just fired all the judges give him a nickel Hey I just ate and Jax is just one time just one time get that in a system now they throw it off the path they relapse that's the same thing gonna happen you're gonna be walking back into your apartment you're gonna see your ex he's in ran three miles he got his shirt off everything glistening got the man curved glistening got pics and all kind of by cop glistening and you just is your week of a month nine time like the one way your friend wear your red friend visiting you I'm talking about that we got a month where you just you all believe and you see that and you just and he look like a tall glass of ice water in the Sahara Desert and he just hey how are you it's great to see you great to see you you know I've been meaning to reach out to you and I really apologize about everything that happened in do you think maybe you have a few minutes to talk guess what and whether that happened in the judge at the job in the parking lot whether it happened at the church at the church after the pastor just preached a word on forgiveness or whether it happened at your apartment complex after he just got off his run and you know you loved do you see him work out so guess what and this vice versa if if you a man watching this it just just inverted okay just inverted tired of y'all asking me I'll make a video but a man and in the man a you new movie over 95% of my audiences women so just invert it it goes to see go both ways I just don't have time to be saying is hers all the time okay understand that so guess what you don't have to make that move you're gonna have to make that move because when you try love you take an account and sometimes when you gamble you lose so understand that if it didn't work out it may take drastic measures for you to heal for you to break the soul time now listen breaking the soul times just figuratively speaking it doesn't actually go anywhere like if you really were tied to that person emotionally spiritually and or physically it's always going to be there you just may not feel it the same but it's always gonna be there so to minimize it to the point that you don't feel it that it doesn't affect you every day you're gonna have to make some drastic changes take some drastic measures to heal from the break-up now understand this after you've done all of those things that you needed to do for one you got to stop making excuses about what you don't want to do I love my pastor I don't want to change Church so what watch him online for six months then if you stopped going to church your ex might stop going to the church now your friend from church say hey such-and-such stop coming to church yeah probably that three months ago you like yes okay boom not now you could go back to your church you just took a little hiatus you watching on online on Sundays or you going to another church just equally as good god you got wherever you go however this works and then once you've done all of that the next thing that you have to do is what you're doing right now if you got to this point in the video that means you're serious guess what that lets me know that you're going to eventually heal because you're doing the work now understand this think about this anything you learn in life let's say you learn how to do something from someone who is self-taught and they taught you how to do coding and building the way that they do it but they didn't go to school for it they just kind of created their system when you learn that and then auditor or inspector comes in and says hey you're doing this all wrong did you take the ACB training 101 and you like no actually I didn't because my uncle owns the business so I was kind of grandfathered in like okay well I need you to take this training and let's say you go take that training and now you learn the right way to do it guess what for every new piece of information that you learn it replaces an old piece of information that you thought you knew that is what you have to do when you are healing for every one of these videos that you watch even if it's only one sentence you're going to learn something new when you learn something new it replaces something old so where you thought arguing was a part of a relationship when you watch me you're gonna learn arguing is not a part of a relationship that you don't have to argue to be in a relationship my wife and I don't argue we've been married 13 years read the book a woman's influence make sure you buy this book we've all argue we have disagreements and we have discussions but we only have disagreements if it's a kingdom issue meaning a loss a life-altering issue we're not gonna sit and go into a whole argument over me leaving the toilet seat up or over her leaving something in on the floor or me not remembering to take the trash out we're not gonna have an argument over that and a lot of relationships argue over that stuff because like how many times have I had to tell you let the toilet seat down you know how almost fell in there and drowned you know the water comes up high and yeah I fell in there and I had to use a life raft to get out you know I'm sick of this and people will take a molehill and turn into a mountain and that's not a healthy relationship and that's not a part of a healthy relationship so when you learn that Wow Tony his wife who's been married 13 years and they're happy and they don't argue meaning they don't yell at each other meaning no one storms away meaning they don't go to bed mad meaning no one's slamming doors I mean they don't curse at each other what are you serious so you don't have to have that erection no you don't so when you learn that when you learn that a relationship is not break up to make up that you shouldn't have to go through that three four five times when you learn that that a relationship is not having to forgive cheating because a man's gonna be a man so you got to forgive cheating three four five six times when you learn that so when you learn what is a healthy relationship you're going to realize that what you had was not healthy it was not even real it wasn't realistic but because that's all you saw growing up or because you saw nothing growing up or because you were not educated growing up about the inner workings the behind-the-scenes of your parents seemingly perfect relationship but they didn't talk to you about conflict resolution so because you were not prepared you thought what you had is what comes with love and what comes with the relationship and you've been lied to so in this season after you've done all those other things what you're gonna have to do is create a growth schedule and so what I mean by that is in your growth schedule you may have okay awakened at this time in the sit still meditate for 15 minutes then workout for 20 minutes squats lunges push-ups jogging plays jump rope whatever it is then shower wash wash your face brush your teeth shower then get dressed you may have on your commute to work listen to audio you could be you could play a video like this while you're driving you don't have to be looking me in the face you can play a podcast something that's gonna move your life or you can listen to an audiobook so you're growing on the way to work when you're at work at lunch maybe lunch and journal time or it could be lunch and learn to where you are listening to a video on your lunch break seeing you're healing you may have to tell your friends like listen I'm doing some healing work right now so don't get spooked out or feel like I'm going crazy or anything but I'm not gonna be eating lunch with you all because I'll be unpacking my lunch I'm eating in the car and I'm learning and writing as I'm you know I'm going through this process make people respect your peace and respect your process don't let no don't do that you're acting like a hermit like come over here and hang out with us what we did we snuck vodka in the water bottles come on okay so no you have to let them know no I'm gonna be in a car and I'm doing a lunch and learn for the next month or the next week or the next however long it's gonna take you do that so you have to create some separation before elevation because in your healing process you got to be careful who's speaking to you because you're your old raggedy friend who's in her deadbeat relationship because she did be broke busted and disgusted looking like who shot John I forgot to killed because she over there like that she encouraging you to give your sorry no good man another chance because she keep giving her sorry no good man a chance so see you have to be very careful of who you listening to your aunty your grandmother your mother who crucified their self will their self love their self respect to be in this relationship for 30 40 50 years and think that now they need a pat on the back and a cookie for making it fifty years in a relationship that was dead after year one they're gonna convince you that all you're going through and all you went through is a part of a relationship no it's not a relationship should make you feel alive it shouldn't vigor rate you it should make you feel free not like a captive it should make you feel like love you should feel your highest self like you want to be the best do the best strive you should have energy to produce you hear me that's what a relationship should make you feel like anybody that's telling you otherwise they've never experienced real love like I have they don't know real love all they know is pain all they know is average and mediocrity they don't know greatness they don't know excellence because I'm here to tell you once you experience real law you're never ever silt from the cup of mediocre love again so understand this real love is not a fairy tale it's a reality healthy love that you want to wake up to every morning and go to bed to every night it's a reality that doesn't mean that it's perfect meaning that you're not gonna have a disagreement meaning that you know I want my son to play football and my wife don't want to play football for a season you that's a disagreement I want my wife to stop yelling and screaming at the soccer game that top of her lungs so that this man don't have to tell her to shut up and then I got to get up and punch him in the mouth and risk going to jail when I'm trying to feed my family and be a healthy successful life coach so that's a disagreement this real disagreements okay but so you don't have disagreements but you hear the extent of that these ain't deal-breakers this ain't deal-breaker disagreements okay I want to buy my old school call right now I kind of like do you really need to get an old-school car right now but I want me a little project she real ain't too excited about it so that's that's the kind of stuff that you deal with in a healthy relationship not another woman called her phone texting her phone another man calling my phone texting my phone not me staying out all night not me cheating in the inbox on Facebook Instagram wherever not her cheating on the inbox not cheating in person in real life yet those things should not be in a relationship not me talking to my ex or her talking to her ex those things you shouldn't have to deal with in a healthy relationship so understand that so you got to be careful who you listening to who you're talking to and where are they speaking from see this what you got to understand when you're getting new knowledge people speak from where they are so if you even if you listen to if you want to go get counseling because it's covered by your insurance you need to know is this counselor happily married because if not I've had people hire me for coaching and they're telling me that the therapist told them that they should go back to the relationship and give it another try and forgive him because he didn't mean to cheat and cheating isn't the end of the world and that it's not that bad and that they're blowing it out of proportion and I'm like see that's why I try to tell y'all it's a difference between someone who is a relationship coach that that's all they do that's what they specialize in and someone who is a therapist who one day they talkin on depression the next day they talkin on anxiety and then the next day they talkin on relationships and ain't got a relationship themselves and got cheated on the last relationship and still bitter about that and nine this relationship and got cheated on and went back with a cheater and so gonna tell you it's okay you could be with a cheater because that's just what men do you got to be very careful who you listening to whether it's a coach counselor or therapist because it's coaches counselors and therapists and every industry you don't have bad apples in everyone over so what you gotta say is who is the YouTube who are these youtubers who are these podcasters who are these authors who are these coaches counselors therapists and are they speaking from a place that I want to get to if they're not where I want to be then I got to be very careful with what they're telling me because he just the thing yes a person Kenan not a person can be single and give you healthy relationship advice but when you have a healthy relationship your depth of understanding is so much greater that's why I tell people all the time I stay in my lane women say Tony can you talk about being a woman in her 60s dating I've never been a woman in my 60s dating I've never met a man in his 60s dating women in their 60s I've never dated a woman in her 60s so no I cannot talk to that specifically I can speak on what I know and if it applies if it applies it applies if it don't it don't I can't pretend to be an expert on something that I don't have any experience with in any capacity so that's why I tell people all the time make sure the person you listening to is speaking from a healthy and whole place where they are knowledgeable they are experienced and they passionate in that space so as you're getting this new knowledge on your growth schedule we got all the way up to lunch after let's say you're going home you even got to be careful with what music you listening to so if you leave in a relationship and you listening to R&B you're gonna get the wrong messages from R&B you won't get in wrong message there's pretty much stuff the safest mute you listen to country you're gonna get wrong message the safest music gonna be for you as contemporary Christian music music that is just talking about uplifting forward thinking moving forward pressing on growing love and basking in the love of the Lord that's if you won't listen to some music and and that's if you wanna hear lyrics what I do is I listen to the spa channel I put on sound scapes on YouTube and let it play they got eight hour videos of sound scapes when you riding in your car if you just want to relax and think just put on sound scapes you know spa if you got Sirius XM and put it on the spot channel Channel six date I don't know the challenge you me so I'm not telling you something I don't do now there's the other thing you gotta be careful what you listening to you got to be careful what you're watching so if you're trying to heal from a relationship you don't need to be watching love is blind on Netflix you don't need to be watching married in 90 days naked and afraid' fiance of 90 days 90 day fiancé you don't need to be watching lust and hip-hop housewives does you not a housewife and so you don't need to watch anything any shows that deal with relationships if you're gonna watch something let it be something that's gonna help you build your business watch Shark Tank watch the profit watch American greed so they could keep you out of trouble and you don't get greedy while you building your business and chasing your ambition and then other than that you need to be watching videos that's gonna push your life forward listen the podcast you need to be in a constant state of learning because in learning about life learning about love and learning about business your personal branding and now in this space where you get this new knowledge get everything you could get for free after getting all of you're getting make sure you get understanding as the Good Book says but then the next thing what you want to do is now as you can save some money or if you have you some money then you can go to the books the books may be free certain audible books and free if you got the audible membership then you may have after that then you're gonna have the heart back or the ebooks you you spending from $0.99 to $30.00 on a book after you get the book seeing you get the books in you a woman's influence that's for men and women it's a woman's influence and got purple on it but men gonna be knocked off the socks when you read it you read the books and then you go to the coaching or the counseling whichever one you want to do some people do both and you may have to try multiple until you find the right fit so now that's an upgrade in price because from there you paying anywhere from twenty five to five hundred dollars an hour so you go around till you find the right person that you can talk to in this space you want to do this for four weeks straight and then you may be able to graduate to every other week then you may be able to graduate to once a month and that's how you want to do coaching with the individual it try to do it by phone try to do it by phone a lot of times people want to go in person is too much energy in person if you sit in with somebody and they have a Jezebel spirit men and women can have a Jezebel spirit that's gonna affect you you're not gonna even receive if the person is extremely attractive to you and you sitting across from them it's gonna have your hormones running you're not even gonna receive and you're gonna be going to the office for the wrong reason so the same thing with Skype if you think the person is attractive you're not going to receive the right way so do it by phone so that you just could hear a voice and if that voice sounds sexy it's still gonna throw you off a little bit but at least you ain't got to hear then nice boys and look the person in the face so him or her so do your coach okay now after and not after but why are you doing your coaching or your counseling whichever if you got insurance with your job it'll take care of counseling or therapy life coaches can't accept insurance because life coaches are not certified through the state life coaching is not regulated a life coach is a shade tree mechanic you know a life coach we we talk through God is wisdom you know a therapist is knowledge they may also have wisdom what they have not when I said knowledge I mean they had to read books and get a degree and get a certification a life coach could be somebody that can't even read and write but they just have all wisdom from God and they have a heart and a passion to help people so insurance don't cover doesn't cover life coaching it covers counseling and therapy so whichever you can do then do it if you could do both some of my clients do both then do both now after that that's when now you go into the season of building you going to the season of building you physically and so what I mean here is this is where the three bees come in the brain the brand the body so the knowledge you're getting that's the brain you feeding your mind you feeding your spirit now your brand this is where you if you're working in the corporate world this is where you're trying to climb the ladder this is where you go get that certification you need this is where you go to work thirty minutes early you leave 30 minutes late you go the extra mile where there is no traffic you are speaking to everyone you're smiling you're looking Pleasant you got a Bop in your step you're bringing good energy to the office the boss wants to elevate you just because of your energy and your effort and then you add value so if you know this particular certification your job encourages you to get and they'll reimburse you or they'll pay for your continued learning then do that if you're not happy with the job that you're on that's not your dream job you don't want to be there then that's when you need to start building your brand working on your company you can go to Tony Gaskins academy.com Tony Gaskins academy.com you could take the entrepreneurship with purpose course if you want to help others through your healing you helping others will help you heal so if you want to become a life coach take the light coat certification then join my mentor dot life put your link on all of your social media and start coaching others start helping other people heal who may be in a worse state than you are and they're just trying to get to where you at because you won't you won't step eight they don't step one you see what I mean they're trying to get to where you're at so build your brand your business if that's a book if it's a blog if it's a physical product that you're selling some some leggings if it's a milkshake bottle whatever you trying to sell some nail polish whatever you passionate about Bildad get the knowledge on and take the courses hired a consultant the business consultant I do that as well because I'm started over eleven companies got over fifty streams of income hire somebody that is don't has done what you're trying to do that's the space you build in you at the same time now here comes the body you changing the way you eat if you eat unhealthy if you drink too much tea and lemonade too much coca-cola soda too much coffee you were dressing away what you put in your body then how do you work out if you work out once a week you work out once a month you up in this two three times a week even if that's just a 30 minute walk around your neighborhood your coldest at your apartment complex your building whatever even if that's 30 minutes do 30 minutes of exercise three times a week then try to get to five times then try to get to seven times a week that you're doing a minimum of 30 minutes a day even if it's just walking you building your body so now the brain you got new knowledge the brand you need to climb in the ladder trying to climb the ladder in your business or start your own business or you're doing both you're balancing the dream with the job until the dream replaces the job I wrote a book called a Dream Chaser it'll help you understand how to do that perfectly it'll help you understand how I did it so understand this and then the body so guess what you put all this together you put all this together you go through these steps and then you just consistent you just keep doing it how long it will take for you to heal completely is determined by the length and the depth of your relationship if your relationship went all the way to physical then it's going to take longer if it was verbal it's going to take longer emotion no financial spousal any form of that a word if it went there it's gonna take longer to heal from if it didn't go there but it was infidelity that still can be a form of emotional of you okay so that's gonna take some time to heal from if it was just Patti and you left because the person kept coming in too late kept saying I'm gonna call you at a certain time and didn't call kept telling a little white lies if you left for something smaller than that you're gonna heal a lot faster you're gonna heal a lot faster so and then also the length because the longer you were on something the harder it is to get off of it so if it was five-year relationship a five-year relationship see once you cross the one-year mark it's typically gonna take you about one year to heal and the longer it was you at you can add a month for every year it was so five years could take you a five-year relationship could take you a year and five months to heal that's if you're doing intense work learning every day listen to a video every day or podcast audio something every day it could take you a year and five months to heal completely now minimize any of the work you listen to a video three times a week now you're looking at two years two and a half years you don't do any coaching no videos you're not learning now you're looking at five years of healing and you're not really healing you just kind of growing numb to it you're not even healing so understand this now if you're doing the intense work you're talking to a seasoned professional about what you going through a seasoned professional you read the books you watching the videos you working on your dreams your goals your body your brand your brain you doing all of that you can heal in six months you can heal in six months record time record time be healed be renewed refreshed rejuvenated and ready to meet the love of your life and be able to enter that relationship healthy whole and confident you have me feeling good and able to love this new person as if you've never been hurt you don't have to blame them for anything that they have it done accuse them of things they're not doing hold grudges against them and they've not even committed an offense why because you're healthy you're whole and you're healed if you in a new relationship and you find yourself finding it hard to trust this person believe this person that means you haven't healed from your last relationship you didn't do enough work for long enough so understand that it is Tony Gaskins guess what I know I talk about coaching and if you need to hire a coach you can visit my mentor that life but what I want you to understand is that I'm giving you an hour of coaching every day free of charge it's free to you you might have to watch some advertisements to get an hour but then you're not paying in money out your pocket so understand that this is coaching as well if you're not in a position to be able to for coaching or counseling that if you just focus on watching an hour a day you actually learning and growing asking you answering the questions that the video asks you to answer even you got the right to answer down in your journal you actually doing the work learning and growing from the comfort of your home or car or wherever you at it is Tony Gaskins god bless you make sure you check the links in the description for all your needs if you want to become a life coach if you want to our life coach I have those things there if you have not ordered your copy of a woman's influence please do me that favor do me that favor order this the feedback I've been here and it's been overwhelming it's just so humbling I'm just blown away so thank you all - to those of you who have read it and left a five-star review Hey it means the world god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 104,706

Rating: 4.9518571 out of 5

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Id: BnxW9m6-uus

Length: 56min 22sec (3382 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 14 2020