Keep YOUR standards and be YOU! | Talks with Tony

hey hey tony guys here popping in for a little episode with talks with tony now we may get two of them up today because this one looks a little short but um just like a general question here and i forgot somebody else asked me to do a question speak on a question oh you know what i answered it in a video but i didn't get to answer it in a regular video so actually i want to speak on that right now and then i'll do another one on this question which seems pretty simple i haven't read it but the title looks pretty simple now here's the thing right now what we have going on in our society is we have this and i mentioned this but um i'm guessing the person didn't see it is we have this over sexualized society where women are being made out to be you know thoughts and loose booty and everything in the world and so what you have to realize is you cannot get weary in being a good person in being a respectable person the world gonna go crazy it's gonna be a whole lot going on every time you log into the news or like twitter and you see what's trending it's another tragedy that has happened on a mass scale in another city somewhere in the country and it just speaks to the state of the world and where we are and where we're going and you can't lose your morals and your values trying to fit in and so as a woman and even as men because a lot of a lot of men out on the dating scene and they seeing women and just imagine the men who are a virgin and they're trying to date and women thinking that they like men because he's not trying to sleep with her you know so it goes both ways but what you have to understand is that what's for you is for you and as you continue to work on you and develop yourself you start to create this space for yourself you start to get to a place to where you elevate to a higher level and you get to a level to where there's only people that's for you on that level because you have weeded out everybody else so if you're saving yourself and you're not willing to you know sleep around threesomes foursomes and go to strip clubs and do all these this stuff these favors in the bedroom you're not willing to do all that you want a real relationship you want a real commitment you want to be courted you want to date you want to be exclusive official then you want to get engaged you want to get married then you want to move in together then you want to have children that's exactly what you can do and see this what you have to understand is when you become that type of person that's not going to be a whole lot of people because when you ask all your friends and family most of them are not going to be living the way you're trying to live and so you have to understand that when you go to a level of excellence and a level of greatness and a level of discipline there's not going to be a lot of people on that level and you have to be okay with that and you got to understand that hey you know what much is given much is required like they say it is lonely at the top and then people who never been to the top of their game in any area of life say oh no it ain't lonely at the top but no it ain't got to be lonely at the top you take people with you listen it's going to be lonely at the top it's going to be lonely at the top because how many people could climb mount everest if you climb mount everest i ain't climbing mount everest you said i mean that's where the saying comes from and if it didn't i just made it come from that it's gonna be lonely at the top because everybody is not going to have the mindset everybody's not going to have the strength the dedication the commitment the sacrifice the willpower the desire to climb to overcome all of the temptation to give up to give in everybody ain't gonna be able to make it everybody's not gonna be able to make it so it's like this right here as a man i chose not to curse and i choose not to curse as a form of discipline as a form of sacrifice to help me have discipline and sacrifice in other areas of my life because if i curse then i become less sensitive to my behavior i learned that from zig ziglar i then become less sensitive to my behavior so if i'm willing to curse then i may be willing to curse like a sailor and if i'm willing to curse like a sailor if i'm if i'm less sensitive to my behavior then that means i may be willing to steal i may be willing to lie i may be willing to cheat i may be willing to smoke i may be willing to get drunk i may be willing to do other things that could hinder and harm me and and so i chose not to even curse so there's one thing that i have not found in my dealings is i have not really met many men i probably could count on one hand how many men i've met that don't curse and when i say don't curse i mean of course the the really foul words but then i i break it all down you know when somebody say man i'm peed off and they say that p word that is also used for when you urinate i don't even say that word as a black man who come from nothing who come who'd have been out there in the streets the n-word i don't use the n-word you see what i mean and so and work so even words that we don't see like my my partner he from the island they say he say the d word he used the d word you know like the curse word for the other word what what the beavers i think the beavers build the block the water he used the d word i don't use the d word but he's saying his language you know he beijing barbados he said to him that ain't no curse word and i'm like all right okay cool you know and then you know using the h word what the devil live at h naught you know what the h i don't use that and so i took it to where i don't want any foul word coming out of my mouth and it's just me personally now now i had me some popeye's chicken last week so guess what this man over here who cursed he may see papaya chicken as a absolute blasphemy to his body you see what i mean everybody have their strengths and weaknesses and so but when you start to get past those things now that's probably how popeye's three four times a year and it just and i don't really like the feeling after i eat it it'd just be tasting good and so when you look at this now like right now ain't my wife she got me in the coffee i was never a coffee person so nah i ain't happy ain't had no coffee today i don't have a coffee yesterday if i ain't mistaken and so sometimes if you had to if you don't drink a year or coffee you'll feel a little awkward i have a little headache or something and so now i'm drinking this with her water normally i have my ginger ale with some mango in there and the mango nectar in there with that ginger ale thing be hidden you hear me all the way good and but it's sugar and so now i say listen i want to lose some weight my wife said you just cut out that mango nectar with that ginger ale and just drank water and not you know be drinking sugary stuff and all that just drank water and not soda and arnold palmer and you know stuff like that juice or whatever just drink water that'll that's a good start that'll help you all right then get more sleep that'll help you so i said okay all right now so i take and do that now when you start to let's say you cut out [Music] you cut out cursing let's say you cut out sugary drinks let's say you walk 30 minutes a day before work or after work you walk 30 minutes a day i don't i see a lot of people walking on their lunch break i don't really reckon i don't really recommend that now that's your only time you got to walk go right ahead but you're getting a little moist you're working up a lot of moisture and in and now you finna go sit back and in people's seat with that moisture in you [Music] so i recommend and you ride your co-workers nah yeah you don't sweat water you said your sweat stank too and you work up a little moisture and now you're going back around your co-workers i know you got your secret and your degree up on your arm but still so now you smell sweet musk and so i just recommend walking in the morning taking you a shower then getting dressed for work going to work or walking after work but if you only could work walk on your lunch break go right ahead i used to see women doing that put their walking shoes on lunch break and they walk around the building walking around son i'm like you think oh with all that moisture because you know you worked up a little sweat everywhere but to each stay on now see now you add that 30 minutes do you walk 30 minutes a day do you exercise 30 minutes a day see that so just by adding that 30 minutes a day guess what you don't cut out 90 of human beings you don't went to the top 10 of human beings just by working out every day because i don't work out every day so now you're better than me you see what i mean and so you have to understand that when you go when you start to change and you start to grow and you elevate it's going to be certain people at that level so it's kind of like this if you're a woman if you're a woman and you go and you you get knowledge and knowledge could be in any kind of way it could be in your trade it could be in your gifts it could be a degree it could be a certification you go get some knowledge all right you're getting knowledge now you're working on your faith your belief system you're not overly religious or anything like that but you have a you have a belief system and you live by that belief system so if your belief system is the holy bible and it says don't fornicate and you don't fornicate it says don't be a wine bibbler you're not a wine bubbler say don't be a gossiper a backbiter a hater and all of this you none of those things so now you develop your faith then let's say you go and you start a you start a business you form a llc or you form a you know in incorporation you get incorporated it's a non-profit you start that right there or you write a book or you become a life coach you become a speaker you do that now then let's say you say hey i need to lose 20 pounds you know you go lose that 20 pounds now stuff lifted it's sitting right everything you know you feeling good you know and you're working on yourself and you might lose 20 and say hey i want to lose another 40. i want to lose another you know now if you starting out at you know 140 i ain't talking to you you know i'm talking about if you got a little meat on your bones and you you working it down a little bit by a little bit five pounds you know guess what everything you add you go to another level so now if let's say if you don't have a ged when you get a ged now the men without a ged all of a sudden feel like they're not on your level let's say you go get a trade the men without a trade they all of a sudden don't feel like they're on your level let's say you get a degree let's say you start a business let's say you do anything you do every the men who have not done that they they feel like you you have surpassed me let's say you going and you get your body right you know you lose you some weight you starting to look different feel different the men who not doing what what they could be doing they're not trying to lose any weight or you know they let anybody just kind of be what it is and they're not working on themselves now they feel they start to feel unequally yo you know they're not on your level they're like okay well you like to work out you know three times a week five times a week i never work out i'm a couch potato so now you're like ah you ain't on my level i need milk couch potato you see what i'm saying so now when you say okay i'm gonna abstain until marriage you tell yourself this and now you start to turn down the men who trying to sleep with you and you get you a man you're trying to sleep with and you turn them down no i'm not ready no i'm not ready no i'm not ready now you elevate to another level because now he's like okay i'm gonna dealt with ten women and uh she's the tenth nine of these women slept with me so now this one woman she won't sleep with me now guess what you're the ten percent you're in the ten percent and so now if he cut you off he go to the next woman she sleep with him next one he get to 100 women 99 of them slept with him when he wanted to sleep with him and you turned him down so when i was out there and this is a prime example when i was out there and i was out there i was looking for a wife but me being ignorant and not knowing really how to find a wife one of my tests was let me see if she will sleep with me and of course to a woman this is an unfair test because the woman may be horny the woman may be attracted the woman may not feel anything is wrong with a one-night stand she may not feel anything is wrong with sleeping with a man before marriage she may feel like abstaining until marriage is unrealistic so she may have a lot of reason why she'll sleep with a man but for me the way i looked at it as a 20 year old man 21 year old man was this is a a prize thing that men are chasing and men are seeking this means a whole lot to men men this all men want for the most part and then after that comes the brain and you know the body and the character and all of that but men was chasing that thing what lauren hill uh [Music] my job what the long hair song yeah you remember that song lauren hill had so the guy only bought that thing that thing okay so they want that thing and so i'm like so if a woman will give her body away to me this one i'm thinking as a 20 year old man that means she don't understand her value and how valued this is by men and that men will go to war for this men will go to the end of the earth for this and that means she don't understand this and if she will do that for me and she don't know me that good then who won't she do it for and if she'll do it for all of these people then what does that mean now see me being ignorant at the time i didn't understand that the same thing it says about her it says about me that that one crossed my mind and i did i did live one time and i think i i can't remember was an interview or something like that i was doing a radio or podcast or something and i had a guy on there and he said the same thing and i said you know i used to do the same thing and women was in an uproar mad with him but that's literally just what men would do and women did not understand that all is fair in love and war like there are no rules like you being judged based on your decisions and your choices and you don't have any say-so on how a person judges you now you could judge them the same way but the thing is is a lot of times women don't think to judge a man like that like i've never heard a woman say i'ma try to sleep with this man and if he sleeps with me that means he's a no good man and i'm moving on with my life so a lot of times women don't even think about that and then here's what it was because see you can make that decision to keep your legs closed but it's not just a you know end-all be-all it's it has to be a part of a package so here was the thing i had dealt with i remember i got to 79 and i stopped counting women like dates i could have wrote a movie 79 days and i stopped counting and anything sexual happened i write it down on a little piece of paper i had a little piece of paper i was writing down real small and i just and i was ripping it out around around it so i had a little piece of paper it was it was shaped probably about like you know a country that i hadn't ripped out and i had all these names on them right and just keeping track because i was keeping score because that was the immature thing that we did as men that's what we was taught that you know that's how we defined ourselves as young men like the more women you get the more of a man you are that was the belief system this me being transparent you know don't don't try to use this against me i'm just telling you the truth for the mindset and anybody who got you know some some sense or have been out there and talk to people of the opposite sex know that this is true if a man if a man has ever told a woman the truth that's the one thing why a lot of women don't understand when when an honest man shows up a lot of women are just shocked and appalled by the truth of men because of the man law 99.9 of men never going to tell what men do and how we think and how we move but i'm doing it to bridge the gap to level the playing field so that we can get on one accord and we can unders better understand each gender so that we can come together work on ourselves work together and then build healthy relationships but if we don't have an understanding of the mindsets then we can't do that so that's what you have to understand so here i am i stopped counting i probably i know it probably was another 30 i would say 30 maybe 50 more women right out of those out of all of those women it was three women that i recall that would not sleep with me when i wanted to be active right and so my wife was one of those women now what was the difference between those three women okay so one woman she was older than me she was a decade older than me and it just it i didn't i didn't like that you know a decade older when you're looking for your wife because you know the style of dress is different um the choice of music is different it's a whole another decade you know what i mean and so uh and she didn't shave her legs and so i just kind of seen women as um you know pristine you know like a queen in the sense of like present presentation and so she shaved her legs and at the time i shaved my legs because i was an athlete and as athletes we shake now baseball players shave their arms swimmers shave their whole body um but football and basketball we typically would shave our legs for the most part some people didn't really grow hair like that but me i was i would have looked like teen wolf so and i got that from my cousin he used to shave and he was like man ain't gonna be looking like teen wolf so i'm like oh you got a point and so we would shave our legs to have more definition in our legs so that you could see the cuts in our calves look more muscular look faster look more athletic right and so this is what we were doing so when i met this lady to where she had a blanket of hair on her legs i was like this in okay it's a little interesting we're gonna wrestle okay and um and then just was kind of you know a little older fashion just a little older fashion was young was in the 30s but just felt a little old-fashioned to me and so that was one thing and and then you know was um a good looking person everybody was good looking the three people everybody was attractive then the other young lady she was um she was argumentative she loved to debate you say left she say right you say up she say down you say blue she said green and she just love to argue and she also i was probably 170 pounds and she was shorter than me by maybe four inches but she probably was my same weight and so at the time being a young man you know i was a little nasty and so me i kind of had a idea of being able to lift easily lift you know the person i'm wet and i kind of was picturing like okay if okay i'm getting married i want to be able to carry her down you know down the steps to the car and if i go to liver and [Music] throw a bike out well i'm going down those steps and then it get a little and then i'm done look and so i just had this idea nah come to find out nah my wife she was about five seven three quarters five eight you know so me being five nine and a half five ten that was one thing that was like manchester too tall because she put on heels she got her arm on my shoulder and she she literally would start doing that later and laughing about it and i'm like she put on here she's looking at the crown of my head and so there were the other two they were shorter you know one problem was five three five four one probably like you know five five five you know something like that five six or something and so here was the thing as a young man now you have okay it's down to three but then here was the edge all of them was like nope not not getting that bad but one wasn't aesthetically exactly what i had in mind you know with the the blanket of hair on legs and a little bit more old-fashioned so it was just like a compatibility thing conversation was cool attitude was cool energy was cool the other one energy was bad i'm like and you'll be arguing all day long and then my wife energy was amazing no no arguing no debating it's like if i said something she didn't agree with it i didn't know it because she probably was like is this a mountain or a mole hill like why am i gonna say left just because he said right and so and then she was more articulate uh great conversation skills and then all three knew god had a relationship with god my wife was a biomedical science major you know so when it looked at earning potential she had the most the older ladies was already in her job and that job was gonna count you know that job probably gonna cap around 30k you know i would imagine and then the other young lady i couldn't remember what it was but it wasn't nothing you know it could have been like sociology political science you know it wasn't nothing that stuck out to me and then my wife biomedical science so me knowing that was really hard and then my wife was on the track team you know so being an athlete so that for me being an athlete that kind of fit more and so i'm like not only is she an athlete but she's a bio medical science major so what that said is ambition and even though i always kind of had an idea now i always joke about being a stay-at-home dad and all that but i'm a go-getter and you can see by what i've produced today you know i'm a go-getter and so i knew i wanted to be in a position where if my wife wanted to be home with the kids in their formative years you know the first two three years that we could have the finances to do that and so but just the fact that she was a biomedical science major it spoke to her ambition her courage you know her dream and and then um everybody you know looked everybody look good in their own way you know everybody on look scale you could be superficial when it comes to looks as as a person you could be like oh well this man or this woman has this this not it was all kind of you know up in the air it wasn't that i had to go deeper than that and say okay now this beyond looks what about compatibility what about conversation what about energy attitude you know dreams hopes vision and so with my wife it just was the the best fit she two years younger than me but she felt my same age i literally did not know she was two years younger than me until like deep into the conversations uh because it just her maturity just felt there and whereas the older woman she felt kind of closer to my age like almost more immature than her age and so i was able to make that comparison like it felt like more of a grown-up conversation talking to my wife and she to two and a half years younger than me and so this is how it happens when in the selection process to where you just have to be the best version of you and then who is for you they'll be separated and you'll be separated and you'll meet at your top and so if you compromise and you say well the all these people are sleeping with somebody on the first night or most people sleep with people in the first month first three months first six months but i don't feel that that ain't in me that ain't in my spirit if you compromise and you do what everybody else is doing now you become just like everybody else so my wife said you know it's typical for [Music] women to argue and debate and to go back and forth with a man and try to get him by the cahoons and squeeze them and just why men love bees so to speak and that's typical so let me do that let me be that way and if she said that she would have changed who she naturally is because she's not confrontational she don't like to debate she don't like to argue she don't like to go back and forth and have no riff so she would have changed who she is and she would have became like the other young lady who was very super debating and then now that would have changed everything she was and then we wouldn't have been a fit because i'm not confrontational i don't want to debate i don't like to debate and argue now if you got something to talk about yeah we got to talk about it to get on work on through it but i ain't trying to just argue for the sake of arguing and some people are like that they just like to argue for the sake of arguing they like to disagree for the sake of disagreeing and so that's what made me the whole package and now when i looked at my wife and this what women have to understand when i looked at my wife it was like i'm i'm growing up so you know booties being um idolized idealized you know fantasized fetishized and my wife was more so flat back there but i got past that because of who she was as a person and she didn't have like abs you know she didn't have abs and she didn't have like this perfectly you know flat stomach because you know you can have a flat stomach and not have abs and then you can some women have abs and so she had some friends that had abs and then you have them friends who is just like they don't have no stomach and you like where is your weight going and then they wait may just go to the uh glutes they wait may go to the thighs or just look like the weight just don't go nowhere you know and they just you know just slim my wife being indian and coming up on a lot of rice you know a lot of carbs her body it fills out differently because she got indian in her blood and so if you look at how indians eat and how indians are shaped when like adult indian women like from india not like seminole cherokee went from india when you see how they shape they have their indians build is different than africans build so i could see that in my wife genetics and then my wife's mom is is a black jamaican her dad is an indian jamaican her mom is a black jamaican which would essentially be an african jamaican you know coming from africa and so her mom is my color but her mom doesn't have the type of build where her mom is from great great great grands it could have been another race in there you know her features a little different and her mom is not built like the african the type of african genes where they have a big booty her mom ain't built like that her mom kind of you know straight up and down and so you take a black person who is not built like what we see what we known for in the south and you put that person with an indian person who is not necessarily built like we known for in the south and then that created this child who she's not gonna be built like you know what i grew up around and so that was hard for me on a superficial level but i had to look deeper than that and i was 21 years old so i say that to say a man has the ability to get beyond his immaturity and to get beyond his preferences and to get beyond his superficiality to see you for who you are if you are authentically being you you see what i mean if you're authentically being you a man could get beyond that and if you're meant for him y'all are gonna be together but if you change in any way for other people if you change in any way now you change who you are you change who you are and you're changing it because of peer pressure you're changing it because of what everybody else is doing and if you do that and you get away from what you believe and what you stand on and how you feel about yourself now you're changing the dynamic of who you're going to be with and and that's what keeps a lot of people single is because what we have to do is become the best versions of ourself the best version of yourself as a human is 300 pounds if that's the best version of you with eating right working out sleeping right if that's the best version of you that's who you are that's who you're meant to be if this is your build it's your genetics it could be if you have a health issue that's who you are now if you take and you go and just get a whole new fake body the man for you actually would appreciate you as yourself at your best then you being dr such and such is best creation on the table because he will say you know was this for health reasons if it wasn't for health reason if it was for vanity then why can't you love you and why can't you do the work that it takes for you to you know work with the doctors to get the right you know uh diagnosis medication whatever and then wherever that lands you why can't you be happy with that instead of you looking at this person and being jealous of this person because she's getting praised by this by these type of men and he's saying i'm not that type of man the type of men that like that type of woman those type of men cheat those type of men lie those type of men are superficial and immature those type of men are grown boys he's saying i'm a real man i want my woman to be the best of who she is called to be who she is meant to be and if that means five foot if that means four foot nine if that means six foot eleven if that means 300 pounds if that means 95 pounds if that mean you know whatever that may mean the person for you wants you to be all the way you because the man may be may be the same thing as you you might be 411 as a woman this man might be five for four so as a man he getting looked down on by other women but then you come in at 411 and you make him feel tall you see what i mean so but if you go and start hanging upside down from a monkey bar and you're going against stretch. because you're trying to get to be five six now you can change who you are and now when you meet the man who could have loved you for exactly how god made you now you somebody else because every day you walking around in 11 inch heels trying to look tall and so spraining your ankle and tearing your achilles trying to look tall and so you have to think about who am i what do i represent what do i want what do i want to be and am i okay being me and and the answer need to be yes and you got to be you and so i started to think you know and i came i came to a place to where you know in my life i was like well man you know i'm shaving my legs as an athlete trying to look trying to look uh muscular and my wife she said to me she said i really don't like man shay that ladies i really don't want no man who lays prickling me when they have growing back in the bed and man legs moving in mine i say for real man that thing free me by let me let me let the hell go team wolf you hit me that thing freed me my wife okay with that i'm in the south right i'm in the south a lot of my homeboys got four goals you know 12 gold teeth so i had six gold teeth two was solid that was permanent it was on the bottom it had two on right there and then i had four that went up top but it was a plate it come out so i had my six gold tee and um but i was trying to be something i wasn't like i didn't really like the idea of gold teeth but everybody had them so that's why i got them and i think i got them two solids in the bottom in high school and uh because my auntie went in on the grocery store and she faked like she slipped she slipped but she did it on purpose and when you do that you're allowed to call the attorney and attorney get you ten thousand dollars so she got the first five and when she got the first five she took me her and her son we went to the um place i think i had a i think i was driving so she needed me for a ride so we went to the gold place in um apocalypse florida and she got six goals she had no teeth on the top she had no teeth on top she missed all these teeth here she had these two outside here i think she got those two goals and then she got four right here so she got her six goals and her son i think she got him i think he might have got six goals and then she got me two goals and um they told us it's 22 karat gold i never had any gum disease or any problems with them anything like that but you know hey i think it was 230 a piece or something like that so she spent her first five and then the people they start investigating you to see if you really hurt and so she'll walk outside and sometimes she'll forget and just be walking and then see somebody [Music] and so they hadn't caught her uh walking regular a couple times so she didn't get that other half so i ain't getting no more gold teeth and so my wife she kind of told me she like you want to get no goals out your mouth she started working at a dentist um in a dentist at the office after we had our first son and i said yeah let me yeah can they do that she said yeah they'll charge you fifty dollars a tooth to take it off so i said all right yeah had got them took off the teeth got sawed down so they had to put like veneers or something like that on top of it and so that freed me because she really wasn't in the gold she ain't really like that and then i remember i had dreads in college and i know y'all evolved people y'all call them locks and all that we call them dress okay and and we'll and we called it wick but you whip wow with wick i think was short for wicked but i don't know and so who were you with and so i had some dreads right and they were twist up but then i went to get them twisted and the young lady twisted them all the wrong way and they still were baby they would look so it turned them into like puffs they were like little puffs so then i got them my mom and sister pulled them out then i got braids and then i have half braids half plaque so my hair got kind of long and so i had them plants and i could shake them you know what i'm saying on the back shaking i had the front hair braided let's have back half plats and that's how we went our house and um and then i was about to dread up again and then my wife she like i don't like dreads i don't like dress i was like what you don't like i said that thing free me come home all my homeboys a lot of my homeboys had dreads because we in florida and so she ain't like dressed so that freed me so now i got to be i was able to be lame soft tony grow my head roll my leg roll my head on my legs be hairy legged tape my goals i don't got to wear no braids don't got to wear no dress you know what i'm saying don't got to get a bunch of tattoos or sleeve or tattoos like i got some tattoos but it was just you know like little stuff and i got to be me so guess what had i went and just dreaded up had long dreads like my homeboys 12 goals you know yes all the dope what everything i could have missed my wife you know had i stuck in that and just tried to conform to be something else i could have missed my wife and so by me just being okay with being where i was and and expressing who i wanted to be and what i wanted to be so when i talked to my wife i told i want to be an author you know i want to be an author and i want to do this and then i may want to be a pastor and i i shared this stuff with her and instead of her looking at me like you kind of lame i won't really though because a lot of a lot of the women her age wanted dope was because they wanted to be able to go on shopping sprees they wanted to have a dude with some money my wife was okay with me going to work at the grocery store you know as a young man me going to work for 85th an hour and she didn't want me in the streets like i was in the streets and when we got back together cause we was apart for six months because i was you know toxic and we had only been talking like two three months and she cut me off she went back to her ex i went back to my ex so i think the exes played a bigger part but then when we circled back together six months later i had been in the streets over them six months and so i had went back to the streets because i had got out of the streets when i first met her the first time around but i went back to the streets just i think i was really kind of hurt when she left me that was my first time ever in my life a woman breaking up with me i had never had a woman break up with me so again had she compromised and just stayed with me even though she liked the way i was questioning her and talking to her can she compromise and just stay with me she could have lost out on her husband being the man that i am today but she stuck true to her values and she said i'm not going to be with no man who going to be insecure jealous and controlling asking all these questions like i'm his child and she said we need to take a break so had she not done that i wouldn't we wouldn't i wouldn't be here today i wouldn't be here today when we got back together had she not told me hey you got to get out in the streets like you don't have if you want to be with me you want to leave them streets alone has she not told me that 99 of other women would not have said that because they like money coming in this the way he know how to make money just the only way he know how to make money i rather have money than to be broke i'd rather him be able to pay bills and it did the way he know how to pay bills so be it most women was okay with a dude scamming doing some kind of fraud selling drugs robbing most women was okay with that all my sister boyfriends was some kind of scammers robbers drug dealers she was okay with it even being raised in a christian household with my dad as a pastor she was okay with it and so i saw this all around me the other women i talked to when i was in the streets they was okay with it it was my wife she was the only woman that was just adamant against it so that's why i try to help y'all understand don't listen to society talking about it's not realistic to save yourself until marriage if that's what you want to do my wife didn't save herself until marriage i didn't save myself unto marriage but she had other standards and stipulations that she did not compromise see sex for her at that time it wasn't a thing like save yourself onto marriage now it's becoming more of a thing because of so many stds there's so many people with stds that and there's so many life coaches and so many relationship coaches and stuff that saving yourself is more of a thing see 2007 i don't even know if we had youtube i don't recall youtube when i met my wife and like relationship coaches and stuff like that so we was just kind of in a lot of ways just living life and so people always ask did y'all say yourself no that became a movement later you know that became a thing and because even with christians it wasn't really being pressed you know just because people was okay in sin but it when voices started to be raised up like voices of my own after i learned from my mistakes and started to teach that's when it became more of a movement of saving yourself and then you know when the 90-day rule became popular that was kind of like saving yourself not doing nothing for 90 days at least and that had never been a stipulation you know so when stuff like this started to come in it became trendy and me and my wife was already married by then you know we already married we already you know and to be honest with you had she said i'm saving myself to marriage i wouldn't care at all i'll be honest with you i wouldn't care at all and the reason why i wouldn't care because again that would have made her more rare and so as a man when you're looking for your wife you want the rarest you can find like you don't want no average everyday yeah yeah what time you gotta go at 5 30. so you probably need to be about leaving huh he ready okay uh i gotta do something special i can drive my sprinter i got a coaching session that's it okay i'll wrap up huh they open okay all right you all right i'll be done five minutes um i gotta forgive me why i gotta take a son to practice so understand that right now is whoever you wanna be whatever yo your morals your values are stick to that stick to that you ain't gonna know it all you ain't gonna be perfect but make sure you don't compromise just for society's sake if you compromise out of ignorance because you ain't know no better and that's what i found out about my wife when we talked later she was like honestly i just had never been talked to about that but as soon as after that happened and she got pregnant listen we was married and i was putting on protection do you hear me as a married man i go to my home boys and they'll be like what you got well protection what you married that's your wife i say hey she like that she like that boy when she coming to some knowledge and so really in the beginning it just was her ignorance it wasn't her just trying to compromise her mama never talked to about it her daddy never talked to about it so she's like you're in a relationship just one of the things you do and this high is done of course she knew of it but just didn't know like listen you need to enforce this and i know that sounds crazy but that's how it is a lot of times it got to be laid out to us it got to be spelled out to us but once she knew and she felt the repercussions of that decision she was like never again never again when i get pregnant again it's gonna be intention now and so i wasn't gonna go get snail then you know sometimes the birth patrol and all that don't work all the way or sometimes if you know you in between it or whatever however it was it was just certain times hey it would have got to be and i was like okay it was hard for me but you know ego wise but not literally the feeling was the same a lot of men tell i i don't feel the same no the feeling was the same but i said hey this her standard this was she at right now with this and so this is what it's going to be and so you know we came through that and every standard she said don't yell at me don't come in this house late don't do that don't do that every standard she said i adhere to it because i realize this woman ain't afraid to leave the woman he'll leave you'll get left fooled around with if i'm here and so boom i grew so hey this tony gaskins and this to the men and women who you got standards you don't want to compromise to society's way and doing it like that stay doing what you're doing and you're just going to be separated for greatness you're going to be separated for the person that's on your level and it's going to take longer than the average everyday people it's going to take long it could take longer it didn't guarantee it's going to take long but it could take longer and you've got to be okay with that hey there tony gaston god bless you we'll talk soon

Channel: Tony Gaskins

Views: 65,570

Rating: 4.9516854 out of 5

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Id: I6-IQo86nhY

Length: 50min 30sec (3030 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 20 2021